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carmen_b
12-21-2019, 12:20 PM
^ Its ok to ask about goals ( short and long term ) as long as you are having day to day fun too not just quizzing !

carmen_b
12-21-2019, 11:35 PM
I will disclose dancing to him today for simplicity ( I plan to get back at that $$$ right after x-mas ).
It is going to be impossible to explain where I am if I don't disclose. I hope I don't regret this.
He is not getting hints. I just sent a photo of the stage and pole at my club.

He is not really giving me an allowance per say ( even though staying often in his nice home 5 days a week or so sort of is one ).
I do need my income streams including club income.

carmen_b
12-22-2019, 10:24 AM
^ I talked to him about the club and my intention to go back after the holidays.

carmen_b
12-22-2019, 10:35 PM
He went to dinner and met my extended family today for our holiday dinner. That meeting went well.

miss.a.p1600
12-25-2019, 01:14 PM
So he text me a merry Christmas

*le Sigh!*

If I had blocked his number a couple hours ago everything would be fine

Now I’m debating in my mind should I respond or not and if so how. Great! I wish he hadn’t text me so I wouldn’t have to think about this

carmen_b
12-25-2019, 02:10 PM
If you are still wanting something with him, maybe check in with him and see if he's fully single and just ask him up front if he is looking for a girlfriend. I mean .... you've known him like 6-7 weeks right ? So ..... no more time should be wasted if he isn't offering that transition by now. He most likely was dating someone when you didn't see him for 3 weeks so you just have to see if you can let that go ( or not ).

carmen_b
12-25-2019, 02:16 PM
All is well again it seems. He is meeting me half way with hot sex face to face or a mix of face to face and away haha . Sexy stuff has happened with a little more lighting too ( my doing ) just to reassure myself some more.

He was entertaining some friends a couple days ago in town and we went on an adventure with amazing Italian food and drinking along the main drag of the ski town. Lots of fun but he got a little too drunk. I'm letting it slide because I was so eager to get out.

As we went out around town he was introducing me to everyone as " his girlfriend " or " his girl ".
Apparently he is ready for that label now so he is using it. I find it cute. He has a New Jersey / New York background so the accent will come out slightly when drunk which is funny .

miss.a.p1600
12-25-2019, 05:49 PM
If you are still wanting something with him, maybe check in with him and see if he's fully single and just ask him up front if he is looking for a girlfriend. I mean .... you've known him like 6-7 weeks right ? So ..... no more time should be wasted if he isn't offering that transition by now. He most likely was dating someone when you didn't see him for 3 weeks so you just have to see if you can let that go ( or not ).

Yeah I've gotta figure how to let this go from my mind....#annoyedthisfuckerhijackedmymind

I just prefer he quit texting me or maybe I should block him?

Anyways I think I'm still going out with my guy 'friend' Friday (but he hasn't said anything about it yet). This 'formerly new guy who is no longer worthy of my time' coworker }:D We did agree to meet earlier last week soooo....his ass better not had forgot

miss.a.p1600
12-25-2019, 09:16 PM
All is well again it seems. He is meeting me half way with some hot sex face to face or a mix of face to face and away haha . Sexy stuff has happened with a little more lighting too ( my doing ) just to reassure myself some more.

He was entertaining some friends a couple days ago in town and we went on a ridiculous adventure with amazing Italian food and drinking along the main drag of the ski town. Lots of fun but he got a little too drunk and was high maintenence. I'm letting it slide because I was so eager to get out.

As we went out around town he was introducing me to everyone as " his girlfriend " or " his girl ".
Apparently he is ready for that label now so he is using it. I find it cute. He has a New Jersey / New York background so the accent will come out slightly when drunk which is funny .

Glad to hear it's going well again!

carmen_b
12-26-2019, 09:18 PM
My mood fell apart.

I think the bottom line is I hoped to have a dick in me by 8pm
Now here it is 9:20....

:(

carmen_b
12-26-2019, 09:32 PM
PMS City
I feel like strangling M for not being here and being attentive.

10:45p.m. He has finally arrived thrilled about finding this deal on a really nice mattress.
It is in fact really really nice. It ruined our evening but it is nice lol.

11:45p.m. Touching me now would not be advised. Sleep mask and earplugs should give a good hint.

miss.a.p1600
12-27-2019, 08:28 AM
So last night I called up the guy I was trying to go on a date with said he had some event with his guy friends at 6 on Saturday and I may be busy today

And so I have no clue what day and time to do this. Unless it’s on Sunday or something

I wish that if he were trying to see me Friday or Saturday that he would have try to make plans with me on Wednesday or something

carmen_b
12-27-2019, 05:22 PM
^ Yep. I'd just ask if he wants you to keep a time open Sun . or Mon . ?
Then just don't do anything else ! He should be planning.

carmen_b
12-27-2019, 05:23 PM
We will see if M keeps his word on pushing dinner to today instead. ;)

I will be ready at 6 p.m. sharp and if he isn't , I'll go dine alone ( leaving his house all done up to do so ). Hahaha

I know his AirBnB project has been a nightmare but I have helped SO much with it. He has to keep me happy as well / thank me for the time and energy I put in. This morning I asked him if I should not schedule any calls 6-8p.m. to keep that time open for him . Basically ...... a strong hint I was leaving dinner open in my schedule.

miss.a.p1600
12-27-2019, 10:07 PM
^ Yep. I'd just ask if he wants you to keep a time open Sun . or Mon . ?
Then just don't do anything else ! He should be planning.

Thanks Carmen! I do want him to feel like it’s his idea so I don’t want to do all the work.

We agreed on Sunday but there still hasn’t been a time set.

Le sigh!!!

miss.a.p1600
12-28-2019, 01:11 PM
24 hours till Sunday possible date and this mf STILL hasn’t given me a time :(

I scheduled a 5pm work appointment so he better come through before I book myself up

miss.a.p1600
12-28-2019, 03:04 PM
That guy (I’ll call him “that guy” lol cause he doesn’t even deserve a nickname) just text me some “Hi”

I should have blocked him. Cause I don’t even feel like entertaining this confused mf anymore.

Guess I’ll just wait like a long ass time and hit him with the Same minimal effort Hi text

miss.a.p1600
12-29-2019, 12:40 PM
Great!!!

I'll probably just focus on work and get a vibrator

Fuck these dudes! (not literally though)

carmen_b
12-29-2019, 01:18 PM
Lol. NO dinner time I'm guessing ? Dick.

Oh well.

carmen_b
12-29-2019, 01:22 PM
M is being so needy . Sometimes I don't know what to do.
He always needs help with the AirBnB thing ( like today I gave my sister a $10 room to boost a review immediately ).
I can spare the time ...... but barely.

I need to reinstate time related boundaries.
M - F I need to keep to my " business hours " where I am just always at my office and not available to him 9a.m. - 5:30 p.m. which has worked pretty well before.

I realize this place is beautiful and living here 80% of the time is sort of a " payment " of sorts but the fact is ..... I don't need somewhere this nice. I can happily living in a smaller and lower effort place. That is how I typically run my life ( never over spending on housing or things but saving spending for experiences ) .

I guess he " pays " around $2,000 a month since he purchased my housing and food in Dec. BUT I wouldn't have spent at that level so I'm not sure I can really say that is accurate.

It feels unbalanced in a way ( even factoring in the great house + him paying for groceries / dining out ). Basically I *know* he would never give me a 3-6 hour block of time on any of my projects. He just can't spare it. I want to keep things fair and balanced.

miss.a.p1600
12-29-2019, 01:50 PM
Lol. NO dinner time I'm guessing ? Dick.

Oh well.

So yeah even though he knew this was the weekend we planned for two weeks ago he scheduled something and doesn’t seem to want to meet (judging by the lack of place and time)

and yes this makes him a dick .....

I hadn’t talked to him since Friday so idk what to do now

miss.a.p1600
12-29-2019, 06:42 PM
Omg

He said he was waiting for me to text him.

Bruh!!!!

Meanwhile “that guy” is trying to fuck me in my mind. Well that’s pretty much all the pussy hell get from me cause his dumb ass lost his opportunity.

miss.a.p1600
12-30-2019, 01:03 PM
So I’m having an emotional day, crying like a bitch and decide to shake it off n wash my car

As I’m drying my car at car wash a guy appears and offers to help me with my car.

I was like. No thanks. He seemed decent and was like “you don’t have to do everything yourself”

Well he has a good point. I chat with him about his paint job etc.

So he insists on shining my tires. Next thing I know he’s vacuuming my carpet and wiping my windows.

A girl could get used to this.

He is totally not my type buuut he seemed like a gentleman so I gave him my number.

miss.a.p1600
12-30-2019, 05:23 PM
I’m not sure he has the money I need for a long term relationship (he looked more like a blue collar type dude - which nothing wrong with that). But I need a guy who’s making some good money so I can accomplish my goal of being a stay at home mom/sexy housewife.

But for now yeah I’ll keep him since he totally helped me with my car

carmen_b
12-31-2019, 02:31 PM
This is a weird day for me.
I failed on my own intention to always be out of the house during business hours. My mistake.
I should probably just leave haha and come back later in the evening. It just is driving me nuts ( again ! ) that I give him an hour or so in the morning typically and I did that today as well.

My issue is that it's 2:30 p.m. and I'd like to give my own clients full focus until 5:30 p.m. but of course he is asking me to do some things here and there for the AirBnB . So ..... I guess when you set an intention and fix a problem ...... follow through on your own fix ! Haha. The nearest coffee shop is a 15 minute drive and that is probably where I should be v.s. here.

It's a conversation I have been confused how to approach. I mean .... he IS very generous in certain ways . I guess really when you look at it with him covering rent and food ...... I do only need to make half as much as I did before. Maybe I need to recalibrate my way of looking at it.
I guess that technically factoring that in I could give his stuff like 15-20 ish hours or so a week.
I just feel like he often exceeds it ( like Sunday for example no joke I assisted him for like 11 hours ).

We are facing that weird challenge because in a way we work together ( something I have always said I would never do as I don't think it's a good idea to not have that breathing room of separating during work hours ).

I do confuse myself though ! We had great sex this morning.

carmen_b
12-31-2019, 02:47 PM
I'm developing my own tricks here too haha.
I was in charge of transport options and I discreetly arranged a commission for myself on each SUV or Van I book for example lol.
I am not even going to tell him about this. I truly need a way to EARN with the project if I'm involved much further.
I'll tell him about it later.

miss.a.p1600
12-31-2019, 04:46 PM
I’m kind of disappointed I wasn’t able to complete my own mission. And came up empty handed for the holidays this year. Instead in was focusing on making money.

I don’t think I can even roll up to a club or lounge or bar or anything cause I have no ID either.

Last year I found an old dude to bankroll my NY fun. Need to find that tonight cause if I’m with an old dude I know I won’t get carded.

miss.a.p1600
12-31-2019, 05:23 PM
I went ahead and blocked that guy

The one who I thought was “amazing” turned out to be a self-serving lying fuckboi

Yeah I would like to be so strong that I can keep people unblocked and ignore them but I don’t even want to think about him anymore when he random texts one word.

I didn’t want to bring any baggage into 2020.

carmen_b
01-01-2020, 10:08 AM
I can't figure out who is right here ! Yesterday I know I didn't help enough but I was depleted !!
From my side ..... I really pitched in over the last few weeks including last Sat. at least a few hours and Sunday 11 hours!
I don't really think it was unreasonable to create a boundary of only giving an hour Mon. and Tues.

On his side ...... this stuff does need to be done soon and I should just help more heavily. I feel better this morning but still don't know what I will do ! He has guests checking out Sat. and hasn't booked housekeeping even though I handed him the contact ! He says " it's only three beds " and I don't think he realizes he need to book the team now in order to get them. ;/

Trophy girlfriend / sugaring fail. Lol.
I wish we could go back to week #1 !

miss.a.p1600
01-01-2020, 10:49 AM
^dont we all!

Men acting how they should act all the time but only on week #1

I could be wrong but maybe he wants a business partner type woman to help him build which is more like a 50/50 type dude (and once they get established they leave the woman that helped them build whilst trading in for a gold digging sugar baby/kept woman) OR he just cannot perceive your time/compensation boundaries , etc.

carmen_b
01-01-2020, 11:20 AM
Yes, that risk is why I feel I can not give him more than 15-20 hours or so a week even in this initial build phase. There is a cost off set as I've explained ( since he likes to pay for the place and food / outings ect. ) *but* we need to have a conversation about how I plan to work 40 hours a week at my job because I do still prefer to work full time at mine. Then, me giving him 1-2 hours a day ( lets say 10-12 hours a week ) is putting me at a 50-52 hour work week. It's not ideal but it's manageable. It's the days where he exceeds that time frame ( especially M - F ) that that create real difficulty for me.

We do have fun moments though too . Half the guests forgot suits or didn't realize he had a hot tub so there is an underwear party at Noon outside right now. Haha.

He loves the company and prefers me here which I find very sweet ( I was packing this morning and asked if it was still his preference that I leave and it wasn't ). I guess it's that piece that makes it so hard to walk away. I struggled in 2019 to even get consistency at ALL . Most of my threads here have this " why is this person only giving me one day a week ? " theme. Then I find someone wanting to " blend " our lives the way I like to and it makes it hard to leave !

I wish I could get him to understand that I'd even be happy to PAY for someone to assist him for a block of time. Maybe I will just start doing that since I can afford it to prove my point. Then I'll have my 8 hour work block with no guilt !

carmen_b
01-01-2020, 01:20 PM
He asked me to stay and is also leaving me alone today to get my work done.

I think the conversation helped !

miss.a.p1600
01-01-2020, 02:08 PM
^good thing you’re able to communicate with him and he’s responsive

I need to work on that myself

I probably could have been married by now (or at the least completed my challenge last year) if I was better at communicating my needs with these dudes

carmen_b
01-01-2020, 03:34 PM
Guess who has same day guests wanting to check in and didn't build a network of House Keepers yet ? ! ? HIM !!
Guess who is saving his ass by thinking ahead and building a network LAST WEEK and has cleaners arriving in 30-45 minutes?

Edit : Never mind. He couldn't be reasonable today and managed to annoy both me and the cleaners . We all took off !

miss.a.p1600
01-01-2020, 04:08 PM
Now he really owes you ;)

miss.a.p1600
01-02-2020, 09:35 PM
So the guy who helped me wash my car gone say some “I have something you could use at this moment in time” with a wink face

Bruh! You better be talking about a credit card, a wallet, an atm card or something

carmen_b
01-02-2020, 10:17 PM
Oh, I'm sure he meant his black Am-Ex not his c#$k.

lol

miss.a.p1600
01-03-2020, 11:17 AM
^lol! Ima ask him and if so you’ll prob see me ranting in the i hate men thread

miss.a.p1600
01-03-2020, 12:01 PM
The guy from the car wash text me “get dressed you’re coming with me tonight”

Bruh! I like the take charge attitude but... Coming with you? This better not be sexual or no damn Netflix n chill. It better be something good.

miss.a.p1600
01-03-2020, 09:59 PM
Oh, I'm sure he meant his black Am-Ex not his c#$k.

lol

Yeah I think he was talking about money n drugs .... with a side of dick

i think he might be a pimp and a drug dealer

when I said I wanted a wealthy bf I should have specified “legal” wealth.

He asked if I was “ok” like if I needed anything (I’m guessing financially).....I highly doubt that money will come with no strings attached.hell probably have my ass on backpace (or its predecessor) or something giving him half

Can’t talk to this guy anymore

miss.a.p1600
01-04-2020, 09:59 AM
Okay so meeting that guy who turned out to be a pimp ......well let’s just say I’m never doing that again.

I do have a day and time to meet my guy “friend” tomorrow so this should be a better scenario

carmen_b
01-05-2020, 09:46 AM
I tried to have a mature convo with his via text ( just being up front that I was feeling upset over giving so much time to his project ) . I said I was happy to still give 1-2 hours a day .

He just said something about me " not helping " which made me feel agitated since I helped for a long time until I finally put my foot down. Most normal people would be like " I'm glad you helped me earlier . I was just hoping for more help last week " . Instead he ignore my previous effort and mentions how I " didn't help ".

The plan is still to just stay away from him.
I was hoping a few days away from each other would make him miss me and he would offer a sincere apology. That hasn't happened yet. I know he misses me because he texts often but he won't SAY he misses me .

I'm am doing some googling on " dating a narcissist " because it's what I suspect in ways. He checks off certain things like hogging conversations, always wanting to be an exception to rules ( I saw he and his friend pay to get an underage friends into a bar ) , hogging time ( which I learned a bit more about in my reading ).

The thing I didn't realize ( if I did get this amateur diagnoses right ) is that this kind of person can " turn " on you as soon as they see that you are also not perfect . Like .... the moment I ran out of energy ..... it was a BIG problem . He also didn't acknowledge what I said yesterday via text about missing my neighborhood , family outings, friends outings.

miss.a.p1600
01-05-2020, 09:51 AM
Maybe he’ll come around but that’s good you’re asserting yourself. Maybe your assertive communication style will help him be more respectful/appreciative of your needs

miss.a.p1600
01-05-2020, 09:56 AM
Also I’m feeling a crunch with finances at current and I’m not sure how to approach this meetup today?

Part of me doesn’t want to go out cause I might find some work to do but the other part of me wants to go out to experience positive male energy and take my mind off financial stuff.

This guy “friend” has paid every time we’ve gone out but in the past he was REALLY into me more than I was into him. I’m not sure how he feels about me now or if he’s at the point where he’s expecting me to pay or what. (I probably should eventually go back to my plan of dating way older men who already know what time it is)

We kind of mutually agreed to meet it wasn’t like he asked me and made all the plans. So I’m confused.

I don’t know how to approach this topic before the date so no one feels disgruntled at the end.

carmen_b
01-05-2020, 08:16 PM
^ Affordable spot just in case you go dutch ?



Day #4 away and I think I am leaning towards not going back. There was some sort of weirdness with him with the insistence that I stop what I was doing thing and work on the house . I know I keep going back to it but I feel it shows something " off " . I don't like the area his place is in either . He is so proud of it and there are positives but it is such a difficult environment in winter ( he spends 1-2 hours a day doing things like snow removal, knocking ice down , and fiddling with the outdoor conditions somehow ).

Last week ...... there was just a lack of *kindness* . We went out on the town with friends of his Dec. 23 and then we didn't leave the house at all Dec. 24 - Jan. 1 including doing nothing for NYE ( not even going to get a quick drink ).

I tried to explain some concerns to him ( I was giving up time friends and family in order to be there more due to his preference ) .

I keep going back and trying to figure out if it was just that first start up week of AirBnB making him go nuts. It was his first guests. He didn't seem to " settle " into a more relaxed state. I felt like there were emotional abuse signs. I do tend to " overlook " for them though after my ex summer 2018 got into serious abuse cycles of complaining / criticizing so I do know those are triggers for me.

miss.a.p1600
01-05-2020, 09:09 PM
^good idea Carmen!

Turns out we didn’t go - again.

I told him I had to prep for work tomorrow.

So we’re shooting for Saturday.

Meanwhile I’ll be saying some meditations and envisioning him paying. He’s a cool guy and I would fuck him but not if he does dutch he gone have to keep that wallet open for me. I’ll probably have to keep dating other people so I can luck up on another sugar daddy type guy

carmen_b
01-05-2020, 09:30 PM
I hope M turns the kind behavior and dates back on sometimes. ;)
After having those luxurious dates ( even though he eats too late !! ) I am going to be unable to " meet for coffee " now haha.
If his behavior stays the same though or gets worse Id rather just dine alone and have full control over my time.

I hope you find some good sugar soon haha. Are there any upscale neighboorhoods near you with little off the wall type bars that only the actual residents would find ? That's where I will be hunting if I end up scoping for sugar again - M 's backyard .

I do wonder sometimes if sharing dancing " blew it " . He did seem to kind of pull back the dates ect. around the time I told him.

JessaJade
01-06-2020, 07:06 AM
^Apologies for butting in when I have hardly read any of this thread lately and don't know much, but this guy seems 'off' and it also seems you intuitively feel that. It's the same guy who got angry about the only having sex from behind thing? Hmmm

carmen_b
01-06-2020, 09:32 AM
^ Yep. Same guy. I'm trying to stay away !
He is offering face to face sex now but there are still issues there ( very little cuddling after ect. )
There is some spooning but he rarely offers me face to face heavy cuddles .
Definitely fear of real intimacy type of stuff but he seemed to be making progress.

I'd rather date a less successful guy who doesn't have those issues but it's hard to give up the luxuries he was offering.
It was a sugar baby type of experiment but then of course I got attached and want the gf / bf type of set up ( but still being spoiled ).
He calls me his " girlfriend".

I have stayed away. I have to remind myself multiple times a day how he was encroaching on my time. It was making me stressed out. I miss his luxurious home and the times he would spoil me. It's probably terrible to say . I treated him well though and if it was just a sugar daddy thing that didn't quite work we still had a lot of fun.

THANK YOU for answering because I keep going back and forth on " Was it right to be more firm with time boundaries ? " .

It was a weird time in my life where I moved out of my place to travel ( then failed to leave my city ) . I think not having a home and then being offered to stay in this very comfy home just " got me " . I was set to go to Mexico in early Dec. but he turned on the charm and convinced me to go on a date instead. I made a mistake by staying with him about 4-5 days a week in December which is just too much at first ( obviously ).

JessaJade
01-06-2020, 10:09 AM
Ugh these guys are hard work. I actually posted months ago about a very wealthy older guy who had potential but I got bad vibes from him and cut it off. He was trying to establish intimacy too soon and I was feeling smothered and creeped out.