Log in

View Full Version : 2019 DATING Adventures Thread (2018 continuation)



Pages : 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 [18] 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40

carmen_b
01-06-2020, 10:16 AM
^ YUP . My *exact* situation !!
It's kind of like " just take the trophy girlfriend " but more like 3 days a week !!
You don't have to have ALL my time. I was becoming resentful of only working on / talking about his projects and missing MY life.

I had previous issues with men not giving me enough time and enough sex and here was this guy finally offering both so I just jumped! I feel he owes me an apology for encroaching on my work hours and I won't go back until he apologizes ( which doesn't seem to be happening ).

JessaJade
01-06-2020, 10:24 AM
^If it doesn't feel right it doesn't feel right. Part of me felt like I was throwing away a massive opportunity but I was already feeling uneasy and irritated within a month - it would have only got worse...I prefer to let it go and make room for something better, hopefully

carmen_b
01-06-2020, 01:51 PM
I just want him to apologize for trying to encroach on my work hours and admit that was he did was wrong. As I explained to him, it was NOT an emergency ( house keepers were arriving at 4 ).

If it was a situation where last minute guests were checking in after some checked out and there was no house keeping scheduled of course I would have helped and just completed my work in the evening even though I prefer to be done by 6 p.m. with my work.
We both know what it was ( a manipulative power attempt ) and it deserves an apology to move forward.

He knows I have a FIRM boundary now on my work hours ( 9:30 - 6 , M - F ) . There is a reason I work those specific hours ( to try to match that time with my friends and family who also work " normal " hours ). I don't owe him an explanation of why I don't want my routine disrupted. If he wants time during those hours he can do what anyone else would need to do ( make me a better hourly offer than what I am currently getting ).

miss.a.p1600
01-06-2020, 02:46 PM
^i find that you may have to tell them you have a boss/manager who requires xyz hours. Otherwise they feel like you can be flexible to THEIR needs and if you say no they get pissy

kimbe
01-06-2020, 02:55 PM
^ So true indeed!

carmen_b
01-06-2020, 05:46 PM
I am the boss so he knows it isn't true.
I am firm on those hours for my own reasons. He will have to accept it ( other than an emergency ).
The alternative would be to offer an hourly rate that surpasses my current one. I will look at any reasonable offer brought to the table. He had a cleaning team arriving and was just being difficult that day though.

;)

seashell
01-07-2020, 12:48 AM
^Definitely stay firm on your boundaries. I hate when people assume you have an open schedule, just because you work for yourself. Um, quite the opposite!

I got back to Europe last week, and had some fun with K. He's so sexy and adorable. I missed him. We sort of act like we're in an open relationship, we're always texting, we have great sex, but we don't care about the other person's sex life. We joke around a lot, too... I think it's so nice to cuddle after sex and make each other laugh. He has a checkered past, though... I think he was a drug dealer at one point. I could never take him seriously as a boyfriend or husband.

There is a new guy, though! I'll call him C. When I was in London, I matched with this cute tall blond guy, but we never actually met. We've been talking through text and phone calls ever since, and somehow it's turned into a long distance flirtation. He has been thinking about coming to visit me in Albania, and he said he is actually going to do it, before February. He is so adorable, he asked about coming for Valentine's day for a real date, lol. We have a lot in common, we've both been digital nomads, we both play the ukulele, we're into art/photography, I think we might both be INFJ's. And his voice is sooo sexy. I know it's such a stereotype, but I cannot get enough of British accents!

Anyway... I had a really great chat with him yesterday. We'll see if anything comes of this.

carmen_b
01-07-2020, 09:29 AM
I think drug dealing can be " just a business " in a way that sex work is except that it has that not quite legal element so if you feel like it's a deal breaker maybe it is.

^ Good luck with the new prospect too. :)



THANKS for answering ! I have had many issues of people taking advantage of my flexible schedule and it took time to learn how to protect it . The thing that drives me the MOST crazy is this " oh, you can just make it up later " attitude. During evening when I want a LIFE ? Or I work a 12 hour day tomorrow since you couldn't leave me alone for an 8 hour block ? " It is possible I over reacted a touch but I felt it was very important to be firm.

I am leaning toward just staying away entirely . We chatted a bit via text yesterday. I told him he should apologize for infringing on my work hours. I don't feel *excited* about going back. It always seems to be something with him. I don't want a contentious vibe and it seems like it is starting to turn into his " thing " . He wants to turn the conversation into a " I'm disappointed in you vibe " and that kind of thing is a trade mark of emotional abuse. I told him I didn't know WHY he was disappointed in me for working a full day when I have a FULL TIME job and we had house keepers coming .

I am 99% sure if I were to go back up he would find something else " wrong " . Plus, I'm not cutting my help off entirely. Just asking to keep it to an average an hour or so a day.

Maybe he doesn't realize I can find someone else with a very nice home to take me to dinner and fuck me but perhaps he will soon when I am out with one of his neighboors hahahaha .

carmen_b
01-08-2020, 10:57 AM
I didn't over react right ?

I seem to second guess myself in the mornings. I have just stayed in my stripper town for 4 days to not be tempted to interact or get sucked in . The money hasn't been great last two days but even just the privacy of my own hotel room / nice dining out times alone is of some value also.

miss.a.p1600
01-08-2020, 12:11 PM
Following your intuition is ALWAYS wiser than second guessing after the fact. Sounds like you did the right thing. And sometimes space is necessary to collect your thoughts, give a guy chance to miss you, etc.

carmen_b
01-08-2020, 02:29 PM
^ Thanks. I will just stay away. He doesn't seem to be working too hard to connect us back together .
I am embarrassed because my friends and family knew I pretty much was living there the last two weeks.
All of sudden I was the " lady " of this giant house on the hill and I liked playing with my new persona.
I was living there 80% of the time in Dec. but downplayed the first half to make things look normal haha.

He seems to want someone he can bully around so I don't think talking to him will do much. I think a gradual fade is best and then if he asks I'll just be up front ( but I've said everything I wanted to really ). How can he be mad at me for not being his dedicated AirBnB co-host when he never really spoke to me about it? He didn't ask if it was something I wanted to do.

miss.a.p1600
01-08-2020, 03:30 PM
The alleged pimp text me this last Saturday to hang out

I ignored

Then he text me good am today

I’m trying to start 2020 being more mature. Tried to be mature last time with “that guy” vs ghosting n ignoring. Which ended up with him texting me 1 word like merry Christmas and Hi which then ended in me blocking him.

Not sure if I should be mature and tell the alleged pimp that I’m looking for marriage (some extreme shit that will run off most dudes) so he will fade off. Or should I just ignore/ghost?

carmen_b
01-08-2020, 09:00 PM
^ I'd tell him you transitioned into a relationship with someone ( if he asks ) . Since he seems a little scary it's a good idea to create a " male presence " .

miss.a.p1600
01-09-2020, 05:39 AM
^yeah good point.

My date with my guy friend- that has been rescheduled twice is approaching Saturday

And I still don’t feel like I’m able to date guys who expect the woman to pay. I don’t know if he will pay for everything I have no clue where he’s at with how he views me (just a friend who should pay her way or someone to respark a dating interest). Plus it came out that I was celibate so he might be like “I’ve been trying to have sex with this bitch for years she’s giving up no pussy and I’m tired of paying” idk???

Probably should have not told him the celibate thing at that time

Either that or I’m gonna have to seduce him into busting that wallet open.

I guess I should either be prepared to pay my half or just cancel. But if I cancel he will probably never talk to me again lol

miss.a.p1600
01-09-2020, 07:31 PM
Trying to stay in touch with the guy before Saturday

But.....seems like I’m doing the work.

Which I get it (because he was totally into me several years ago and i basically friend zoned him cause i was emotionally unavailable at that time caught up in my own mind when I should have given him a chance so now I’m not sure if he has any interest besides platonic lol) buuuuut mf need to send some signals so I don’t give up.

I called him once last week, his ass didn’t answer or call me back

Called him today and he didn’t answer

And I’ve been initiating the calls n DMs

Even when I asked him what he wanted for Christmas he was like money (um no lol) then he was like that or for you to propose to me.

I’m trying not to be doing too much n putting myself in the masculine role.

miss.a.p1600
01-09-2020, 07:41 PM
I’m basically offering this guy what I was going to offer to “that guy” before his dumb ass ruined the momentum = delightful pleasure on a silver platter; but he is like acting completely aloof

I may give up soon idk

And just go back to my sugar daddy plan

carmen_b
01-09-2020, 08:38 PM
^ Just meet him and offer to go back to his place or take him to yours if you want some attention haha.

carmen_b
01-09-2020, 08:40 PM
Damn I do miss M a bit.
He is most likely onto me leaving town . He texted and called today and we spoke on the phone a little ( I was bored and driving ) haha.
I told him it wasn't sustainable to live together 5 days a week hahahah ( a few weeks ago ) . He didn't listen, ugh.

carmen_b
01-09-2020, 08:42 PM
^ I do know what you mean.
I'm 50 / 50 on the celibacy thing also.
Just to reclaim ALL my time again.

M offered a " meh " apology but didn't really plan a nice date or anything for us. I was thinking of initiating something but I'm still on the fence. I should probably just move forward with my warmer weather travel plans. I was making an exception for him dealing with winter FOR HIM which I don't think he really realized.

miss.a.p1600
01-10-2020, 06:28 AM
^ Just meet him and offer to go back to his place or take him to yours if you want some attention haha.

Why do I make things so complicated lol!

He did say if he beats me in pool then I should come back to his house and cook for him lol

But I am going tot stop calling him. This is second time I called and he didn’t answer/call back

seashell
01-10-2020, 08:53 AM
Apparently K and I both have strep throat, or mono. Ughhh... We definitely gave it to each other.

I had to do a blood test today. Will hopefully hear back about it by tomorrow.

Sucks... C is coming to visit in 3 weeks, and I don't want to have to explain that I can't kiss him. I really hope it's just strep throat.

carmen_b
01-10-2020, 09:09 AM
There is this other person who has written to me a few times on POF.
I was interested BUT I abandoned logging in . It's funny with the online thing you just can't seem to gather enough info quickly.
This person had a funny thing there ( the car stickers of kids and parents ) . In the sticker the wife was missing and it said " position open " . I wrote him off based on the sticker ( I assumed he had 2-3 kids like the sticker ). Then I look closer now and it says no children on his profile.

I like that he has written to me a FEW times . Nothing creepy or needy but just these nice little messages .
He lives in that same fancy area that M does hahahha.

I think I will write him and offer him Sun. or Mon.

I am just SO on the fence about dating at ALL !
I know I could have a great trip to warmer weather and not return to my cold area until March .

miss.a.p1600
01-10-2020, 09:18 AM
^girl i know the feeling

Dating is seeming like a full time job search.

I used to be so carefree about it like at least I’m trying new places, spending a bit of time with a man (seeing his best self), and he’s paying buuuuut it’s very superficial and surface level and me personally I’d like to go to depths I’ve never been before

A part of me misses the offerings of the old dude (he always paid and nice places too, he offered to help me whenever I complained about something, always took my side, etc) but why did he have to have his annoying quirks though?

carmen_b
01-10-2020, 09:25 AM
I wrote him and sent my # over.^^
He is attractive but it's very hard for me to tell online really.
His name is similar to M's ( same name if you shorten it and it's the same name of my partner in 2002-2009 ).

I am irritated with M ( I think 2-3 ago he sent something like " I would consider this more of just a sexual relationship now " ). He is locked in to me " not helping " him . I feel like we need therapy and have only known each other 5 weeks in person and maybe 8 weeks including chatting. He is being normal and pleasant now ( he likes to text often and he called yesterday ). It doesn't really seem possible how he just " doesn't see " that I need to work 40 hours at my job. I'm tempted to be really straight with him " Lets try this again. Here is a reminder again of my work hours, please don't infringe on these hours. " but it seems like such a weird thing to need to do. If he even put together a casual date for us I'd go. I do regret telling him about dancing. It could be non related but he seemed to get heavy on the " she needs to prove herself " thing the last week of December and I told him about it Dec. 22-23 ish.
I do see it from his side though ...... I was so willing to help him ....... then I was just exhausted. Maybe it looked odd that one day I was like " leave me alone 10a.m. - 6 p.m. " when I'd offered so much time but I spoke up when I needed to.

miss.a.p1600
01-10-2020, 04:12 PM
Why do I still think about “that guy”?

I debated on blocking him but decided I needed to to keep from expecting communication from
Him and the last couple weeks his communication got really boring.

Maybe I’ll unblock him .... one day. I wonder if he knows I blocked him?

miss.a.p1600
01-10-2020, 06:29 PM
^ok so I did an uber classy IG thirst trap (a cute pic of myself like I’m going out on a date but really I ain’t doing shit lol) ..... and it worked!

He finally asked for a time to meet tomorrow

Insert devil emoji here.

seashell
01-11-2020, 12:48 AM
^Hehehe! I looove putting up thirst traps and seeing what happens... good job. ;)

carmen_b
01-11-2020, 01:47 PM
^ Damn. I have no IG and barely use FB so I can't use this trick but it's amazing ! Haha.

carmen_b
01-11-2020, 01:47 PM
Hmmmmmm.
Dinner and Drinks with M is now on offer.

He is finally speaking my language ............
His tone has changed from bitching into finding things to " thank " me for from a week ago . BECAUSE I did help him ! Now he is finally seeing it I think after 8-9 days solo.

miss.a.p1600
01-11-2020, 02:09 PM
^ Damn. I have no IG and barely use FB so I can't use this trick but it's amazing ! Haha.

That can be a good thing. We are over reliant on technology sometimes

miss.a.p1600
01-11-2020, 08:33 PM
Well the day comes and he flakes out again! Saying he had the kid.

I told his ass yesterday that I’d be free in the evening

Not once was a place or exact time set. Then he says he was waiting for me to call him.

At this point I’m seriously like fuck it.

He seems in no rush so I’ll just get back to him whenever and keep posting thirst traps till he begs me for my time and makes a serious date.

carmen_b
01-12-2020, 12:25 PM
Aw. ;( ^^

carmen_b
01-12-2020, 12:28 PM
Ok, yeah we did the dinner and drinks. Then a crazy F$&k sesh.
It was SOOOO good. I will try to be a lady and leave some details out.
I obviously missed him and his dick and vice versa hahahah.
He was treated to a nine day wait because he wasn't playing nice !!!
I was on the fence about just entirely walking away but he is being sweet now and even if it's temporary I'll enjoy it.

I'll be doing a couple nights here and a couple nights in the city ongoing as a plan because being up here with him a lot in Dec. was too much. I think it led to some of the fighting and him taking advantage of my time . If I'm in my old area and at my office ..... it doesn't really give him the option to assign me things to do while I'm trying to work.

I'm still trying to figure out my " stuff " in his area. I found a yoga option ( then after class you can pay just $10 to use the resort spa ! ). I'm researching food things I want to try + coffee places. I was unhappy a couple weeks ago too because I just didn't have a routine here for myself at all.

miss.a.p1600
01-12-2020, 08:10 PM
Aw. ;( ^^

well he at least did offer to hire a sitter and said he would do whatever I wanted /come out with me but I would have felt guilty prying dude away from the kid.

Its still his his fault though because we have been saying we’re doing this for at least a month now. I could be rtf (ready to fuck) or ride a face or something to end this celibacy

but nooooooo

this mf keeps procrastinating and acting like he doesn’t know how to plan an outing.

I swear I don’t want to take the masculine role but he might need to be told what to do. Idk I feel like punishing him in some subtle way

carmen_b
01-13-2020, 01:57 PM
After reading some more information on emotional abuse I am pretty sure that is what M is doing . It was hard to identify. He was being " normal " 95% of the time we are together. I think it has officially moved from " oh, he is having a bad few days " into a real ongoing risk category and I left.

I don't " fear " this guy at all by the way. I just want to move on. My dad and brother are nearby and heavily armed haha.
It was hard for me to see when I was finally getting company and frequent sex .

I am also not in a "fixed" location since I stay with a couple different family members and travel often. Stalking me or figuring out where I am would be really complex.

AChildOfBoredom
01-13-2020, 02:28 PM
^Hehehe! I looove putting up thirst traps and seeing what happens... good job. ;)

Most guys show their hand on that without having to be in any way entrapped.

miss.a.p1600
01-13-2020, 02:54 PM
He gave off someone with narcissistic tendencies.....how you described him. I didn’t want to say it because I didn’t want to put anything seeming negative out there but now you’ve decided to end it I guess I can say it. At the least he seemed to entrench on your boundaries and had a hard time understanding your perspective/empathizing with you.

carmen_b
01-13-2020, 02:55 PM
^ Yes, I am not too well versed on the narcissist personality because I haven't encountered before but he does give off those flags like :
* seeing you as extension of them ( not like your own person )
* being a time / conversation hog

I was being up front with some concerns ( like him being aggressive in conversation style ).
People who get paid well end up not coming back to the house. I wrote this off too because he is from the East Coast and the " style " is much more aggressive than this area I am in. I told him this to be helpful ( to try to help him keep a normal crew of workers v.s. having to find more every week ).

carmen_b
01-13-2020, 03:02 PM
I will read up more on the Narcissist type. It doesn't really matter now but might be good to recognize in the future.

miss.a.p1600
01-13-2020, 06:18 PM
Yeah I had dated a guy (who I ranted about for months) who was textbook narcissist.

Now it is like a spectrum I believe from mild tendencies to flat out sociopathic and somewhere in between

Anyhow this dude was a real estate agent so self employed and kept trying to get me to spend ALL my time with him and didn’t like when I told him no - because I had to get to work to make money. He also tried to get me to work for him lol and type up his proposals or whatever, take pics of property, etc because that’s what his ex girlfriend did. Not once did he discuss compensation so I knew it would be something he would most likely try to annoyingly micromanage whilst thinking he could pay in chump change n dick. So I always turned that down.

I regrettably had sex with him a couple times and he did not like sex positions where he didn’t have control. Woman on top - nope. Plus he tried to fuck raw right out the gate! And complained like a bitch when I said I wasn’t fucking unless condoms used. Lied and said he didn’t have condoms. But comes back 20 min later with condom. I should have walked out then but .... yeah. I didn’t trust him after that and never let him have sex from back cause I couldn’t trust if he really kept the condom on. That was the last time I ever dealt with him.

He thought rules didn’t apply to him.

He talked shit about people who he saw as subservient or beneath him. Talked trash about his own son. His teen daughter didn’t want anything to do with him. And made constant racist remarks.

A lot of the messed up shit he did was simply to get a reaction. To press buttons. Orgasming off the control he had over other people and their emotions.

They have like a jeckell n Hyde persona which is where they play on your emotions, gain your trust, portray themselves as the ultimate partner then once they got you their “mask” comes off and this is where they make “negging” type comments and/become emotionally abusive. They have their partner thinking “oh maybe he’ll come back to that romantic sweet side” but it never happens (or only happens when they do what’s called hoovering)

Basically interacting with them is like a lose lose. If you acquiesce to their demands then they’ll keep pushing boundaries but if you assert your boundaries they end up having man tantrums because they don’t like being told no.

Definitely read about this personality type

carmen_b
01-13-2020, 07:55 PM
OMG ! ^^
So many similarities down the the real estate stuff ( he is a landlord but doesn't sell ) + trying to get me to do tasks ect. !
Totally similar.

seashell
01-15-2020, 05:28 AM
^Yikes... I'm glad you both saw the red flags. It's so easy to get sucked in.

I'm getting nervous about C's visit to my country. I feel like I already know how it's going to go... we'll have a good time, but he's going to be slightly anxious and clingy, and I'm a sex worker who doesn't want to settle down and lives in a different country. But maybe it will be fun? lol.

I just want to be romanced by a cute Englishman and maybe get a tour around his country.

miss.a.p1600
01-15-2020, 08:49 AM
I’m finally getting this guy to take some action. We’re still planning to meet for pool this weekend and he said he’d call me tomorrow or Thursday to make plans!

Only downside about him is that he admitted that his previous marriage was horrible and he doesn’t think he’ll get married again : (

Not sure if I should probe more to see if he is absolute about that or take it for face value and not get too involved with him since I’m dating with end goal of marriage to the right person.

miss.a.p1600
01-19-2020, 11:30 AM
Ok finally I think we are on for tomorrow

Gawd I’ve never had to think n work this hard to get a guy to meet up with me

Hopefully he will get a little tipsy with some truth serum and I can get him to divulge his relationship intentions

carmen_b
01-20-2020, 09:13 PM
How did it go ? ^^

carmen_b
01-20-2020, 09:15 PM
Damn ..... I wish M wasn't nuts. ;/

I am feeling lonely ugh. 10 days without a dick in sight hahaha . Oh, miscount, 9 . HAhaha. BUT STILL !!!

miss.a.p1600
01-20-2020, 10:01 PM
How did it go ? ^^

We FINALLY met up.

I won the pool games lol! Had 3 beers and a bit tipsy And so now he lost the bet.

Thankfully he paid lol

miss.a.p1600
01-20-2020, 10:02 PM
Damn ..... I wish M wasn't nuts. ;/

I am feeling lonely ugh. 10 days without a dick in sight hahaha . Oh, miscount, 9 . HAhaha. BUT STILL !!!

Welcome to celibate world!

But you’ll attract someone ideal soon.

I miss “that guy who I thought was amazing and wanted to fuck” but he was nuts too for going back to that Harambe looking ex

Maybe one day I’ll complete my own dick appointment challenge before the other ladies beat me to it. :)

carmen_b
01-20-2020, 10:15 PM
It seems like all this cyclical flighting for us was over condoms.
We had this text convo ( I was firm on the emotional abuse ...... sending some of my notes ...... saying it WON'T happen again ) !
If all this was over condoms WHERE are the std testing results ? Apparently now that the AirBnB is running he " has time " to go get it done. I feel like that is nonsense ( he can afford one of those " the Dr. comes to you " services ).

I drove 7 hours south for a few reasons and part of it was to try not to be tempted to see him .
Doesn't he see it ?
I can't RELAX now after what happened. NO actually apology for the verbal abuse, just a statement that " Yes, I was being mean on purpose ". Being mean on purpose is not ok. I asked " if condoms were taken out of the equation would that solve things ? " and he said it would solve most of it. I don't trust him though.

carmen_b
01-20-2020, 10:19 PM
So I guess that is me admitting I spoke to him. Which was probably a mistake.
I wasn't that bad. If he sends anything vile I will send my composed " I have thought about this and with the verbal and emotional abuse factor , I am asking for no further communication " text I have composed.

I think the bottom line is that even if we got rid of condoms ( not something I can say I'm totally comfy with ) I feel he would find something *else* to pick at.