View Full Version : 2019 DATING Adventures Thread (2018 continuation)
carmen_b
04-14-2020, 11:13 AM
Yesterday we unloaded all our " stuff " . My abusive thing ending in mid Jan. ( I left out the sexual abuse element which I'll disclose later ) but told him about the scary factor and deep verbal + emotional abuse + control tactics. It was why I didn't meet him in late Jan. ( we were in touch then and I had completely had it with online dating and decided no more late in the month). I apologized last night to him for doing that.
I don't think he would have been more " ready " at that time.
His ex I guess discarded him in Oct. in a similar fashion to how mine did . He mentioned issue with borderline personality ( he is used to dealing with someone very high maintenence ) . I guess she insisted she wanted a divorce and asked to only be reached via email ( involving their kid ) . I'm sure more info will come out but he described feeling depressed about it for a month and then liking things a lot more after that initial adjustment month. Long relationship though ( 12 years ).
KariSwitch
04-14-2020, 11:52 AM
If you asked me about what I'm about to announce a year ago, I'd tell you you're nuts... I can't believe it, I'm officially off the market... I got engaged over the Easter the weekend to the most wonderful girl. We were supposed to be in the Bahamas this past weekend, but as you can imagine we weren't traveling anywhere...
lurkingtitties
04-14-2020, 12:11 PM
Wow, congrats! We’re you the poster who met a girl at the gym? And if so is this the same girl?
KariSwitch
04-14-2020, 12:30 PM
Wow, congrats! We’re you the poster who met a girl at the gym? And if so is this the same girl?
Thanks. Yep, you're right. She's the girl from the gym.
carmen_b
04-14-2020, 12:34 PM
^ Yessss!!
Congrats !!!
carmen_b
04-14-2020, 03:27 PM
I'll play therapist on J here a bit. Maybe he has one of those " needs to be needed " personality types.
Like ..... he tolerated a dark / difficult personality type for years.
Anyway ..... left his place.
I was tossing and turning feeling like he was lying to my face ( I *felt* connectedness ).
Maybe I just sprung a convo on him too fast but I really need clear boundaries .
carmen_b
04-14-2020, 07:34 PM
I had a nap and meal and am doing so much better.
Also, this article brought me so much peace ( discusses FWB with a refreshed view that maybe I needed to hear ):
https://www.vogue.com/article/friends-with-benefits-relationship-advice-sleeping-together
miss.a.p1600
04-14-2020, 07:50 PM
^interesting article!
Ive only had one non conventional relationship in my early twenties (an open relationship- which didn’t end quite so well)recently thought about trying a FWB because I just feel too repressed sexually and I want to have experience (and be an amazing lover) when I end up with my future spouse. It seems like a comfortable way to explore without all the hang ups of traditional lt committed relationships.
carmen_b
04-14-2020, 07:55 PM
^ See .... it *really* hit me. The point about " does it HAVE to fall on either the committed side of the spectrum OR the fuck like zombies with no emotion "!!
There are sometimes " middle grounds " to these things!
It reminded me that my favorite lovers in 2019 ( Mr. Tall and Kinster J were two ) were the respectful sexy delicious arrangements that were not traditional but I really enjoyed them so much.
I have done the poly thing and I don't think that is where me this new dude are either . I am just saying that I feel a mental shift today that it doesn't *have to* be leaning towards being his gf within a week like I felt so sure of this morning. I'm going to think about it and see how I feel about things in 2-3 days.
miss.a.p1600
04-15-2020, 06:29 AM
That sounds good.
Im sure it will happen in a way that you’re most satisfied with.
miss.a.p1600
04-15-2020, 06:50 AM
I’ve been non stop fantasizing (sexually) about that guy.
I wish I could see him and make my fantasies reality but.........I hate him for being stupid and failing to recognize opportunity. I did not respond to his text a couple weeks ago.
Anyways I suppose I’ll focus on more sustainable situations. That guy who was my FB friend for a over a damn decade lol was the only guy to text me on Easter. Soooo i guess he can stay on the scout list so he can move himself up the roster. Im not dealing with or thinking about any other past situations from this point.
carmen_b
04-15-2020, 11:37 AM
^ In a way , I just see some points that are good to keep him as a 2-3 times a week lover ( if that’s what we keep doing ).
I’m pretty sure my alternative arrangement will be a sugaring one because I’m very open to those types of things . If I’m not his gf , I will probably just chase wealthy dudes locally for amusement.
miss.a.p1600
04-15-2020, 11:54 AM
^Lol @ chase them for amusement - they might get attached to you then? Dudes are weird when you don't take them seriously they are all over you and when you take them seriously they start acting aloof.
I think I may need to adjust my strategy and stick to dating older men - those be the ones ready to settle down, ready to spend some money, and be feeling lucky to be with a pretty young thing. The dudes my age or younger I should just use them for sex.
Why do I get attracted to then attached to guys my own age that present themselves as dick options only? I think if a guy is able to get sex from me (without offering anything substantial) then he has won plus my ego doesn't like to fail and in ANY type of relationship I like to be the 'winner' so to speak just cause my past of dudes behaving horribly and me foolishly giving them chances at my own expense - never again!
It's like 200 days of the year I want to have orgasmic sexual experiences, be caressed by a man, be kissed by full/luscious lips and more (preferably financial and long term stability) but maybe my fears get in the way of opening myself up to men who could offer this
carmen_b
04-15-2020, 12:26 PM
^ I'm always trying to figure out the " recipe " here too.
I do know there are just a lot of wealthy ( late 40s / 50's ) men in this area. Age isn't a huge factor to me. I like to be treated well .
I just fell for J ( at some level ) already. I'm not 100% sure what I will do. I go back and forth. The last few hours I'm in a phase where I don't want to see him anymore. I realize it was late when we talked but his line about " I see us as great friends who are great in bed together " ...... I keep going back to it. I'm a successful professional ( when the world is running normally ). I take good care of myself. What exactly IS IT that makes him feel hesitant instead of wanting to move forward? I try not to think too much about it . He said " it is a couple things " and I think it was like 3a.m. by then and I was just over talking more. He then gave me a list of " bad things about him " so I didn't feel like I was missing anything. He started it with being shorter ( which is obviously something I already know ). I think he is way more stuck on that part more than me. He is 5'6'' ( claims to be 5'8'' verbally though ) and I'm 5'8'' .
I do FEEL like if I start seeing others he is going to have 2nd thoughts about what he said. I mean ..... I was offering him something really great. See him a few days a week and be out of his hair 3-4 days a week ( I know he has his kid a few days a week ). I am completely open to meeting his 7 your old daughter as well . I just wasn't rushing it. If he wants me to add some drama by inviting B down for example or taking up another lover ..... I certainly *can* but I was offering something really easy / non dramatic initially.
miss.a.p1600
04-15-2020, 12:36 PM
Treated well is a good point...
I suppose in my mind I know that older guys (unless they are super rich) feel like it's harder for them to get women and they're getting older so they don't want to die alone - I use their fear to my advantage (in the most ethical way possible) vs the younger guys who feel like they don't want to commit because they think they have unlimited time n unlimited options
This is just my rationale....
Maybe you can ask him that question if the topic ever comes up again? "What exactly IS IT that makes you feel hesitant instead of wanting to move forward." or just interpret it how your gut is telling you to interpret
I could be wrong but you mentioned he just got out of a marriage - if he's the type that wants to explore a bit (because he was locked down by Bertha for many years) before locking himself down again this might be why
carmen_b
04-15-2020, 12:45 PM
^ Yes. I probably will ask him . I was just so tired and realized it was a stupid convo to be having at 2 a.m. anyway ( thanks period for the brain fart lol ) .
I totally get that point as well. I mean , he did go through something huge given a relationship of 12 years. He was married very young ( at 24 ) . He's 36.
carmen_b
04-15-2020, 08:09 PM
Ugh. I am finding myself wanting to craft some sort of revenge plan ........... but the person who care less doesn't really a damn about those sorts of plans do they ?
miss.a.p1600
04-15-2020, 09:45 PM
Revenge plan?
carmen_b
04-15-2020, 10:01 PM
I'm just mad today at the responses he gave a couple nights ago.
Maybe I will just try to give it a week ? It's only been three weeks.
I'm just unhappy with the status of things. I just wish that he would have been like " I'm sure if I'm ready for bf / gf yet but lets date monogamously at least 1-2 more weeks and see " or something like that. Something about the way he phrased things has made me agitated.
I asked if he had hesitations with me because of the chance of me just leaving and going North ( which I don't need to do ) and he said something like " No, that would be just as easy as don't go North ".
I just really feel like he is potentially giving up something really great . Like .... how does he not see it ? We get along so well and have plenty in common. I guess I should have stuck it out in the conversation to learn what his hesitations were but I was exhuasted by that point and just worried in general about things like what if I started crying ect.?
I know I need to work with a therapist on this because I just have the hardest time in these situations.
miss.a.p1600
04-15-2020, 10:30 PM
Giving it a week sounds reasonable
miss.a.p1600
04-15-2020, 10:53 PM
Funny story is that shitty job I left last year actually had several coworkers lusting after me
Once I left - three of them offered to meet up with me. But this one guy in particular We met up a couple times before he finally asked me what did I want from him. I was taken aback that he’d ask the question (I always thought women were the ones to ask “where’s this going”) and that he’d asked it so soon.
I suppose it’s a good thing to get that out the way sooner so time isn’t wasted.
I told him I wanted to get to know him A bit more to help me better determine. And after that never really heard from him again. I was a bit confused (because he never gave feedback on what he wanted ) but it turns out it would have never worked anyways as he was younger than me, most likely offering dick only, and it would have been a downgrade for me to date him (because I prefer more established men)
Something about working with men in dangerous situations where they try to come to your aid n I played up the damsel in distress roll but often times they turn out to be fuckbois n douchey outside of work. I got caught up in lust at work of all places.
carmen_b
04-15-2020, 11:11 PM
^ Maybe he could be of " use " to you hahaha.
He probably just asked to get info ( see if you wanted bf in which case he might have gone for traditional dates ) or if he felt you were really horny he could offer quick " assistance ". I don't think he had bad intentions from how it sounds. It sounded more like just asking for info on how you'd like to transition from work to personal time.
Ladycaxe
04-16-2020, 03:18 AM
So theres this guy I've been dating this guy on and off for like 3 years. Met like 5 years ago on twitter lolol. I used to make music and he was a producer so that's how we met.
He lives far so it never worked out. IDK what it is with him. I really like him. The first time we had met, I cheated on a guy i was dating (maybe half a year) lol with him and we always are good for months, video chatting everyday, sending cute ass texts and whatever and then i would get mad at him and stop talking to him?? I was just looking thru our old DMs and wow...I was honestly such a betch xD ;0. I think i was just not only younger but unhappy w/ my own life so i'd blow up at him.
Anyways theres not much of a story to this. He has bomb d , super attractive (to me) lol, and tbh we've only got to meet up twice IRL. The 1st time was like 2 days, the 2nd time i spent like a week w/ him and ugh it was so nice. I feel like theres a reason we always get "back together". Even when i'd have a blow up and ignore him he'll always find ways to talk to me, and even tho i'd ignore him, he never really did anything bad to me . But he's just like unlike someone i've ever dated before. He's respectful (well he likes to joke around and flame me sometimes and it pisses me off lol ) but he's never called me out of my name... the only other guys i've dated where drug dealers, or assholes, or 15 years older than me xDD. and i think that's why i'm so attracted to him. When i first met him he worked at walmart , couldn't drive, broke (and well i was a damn near broke stripper who still cant drive xD..I have my license i just hate it xD). Now he has a decent job (nothing spectacular , but decent enough to support himself), has a car, and i'm not in debt anymore, and after my stay in Guam, i truly enjoy life a little more. To be fair i dont think i've EVER had a "normal" relationship , even b4 dancing (ex was abusive - mentally but couple times physical).
TwitterBoy doesnt really LOVE my job, but he accepts it. That's normal ...right? Is a guy your dating supposed to LOVE your job, in the same sense that I do xD
this all comes at a time when someone i was dating went M.I.A. . he was a lot older than me. He treated me so nicely , yo. But i never saw myself with him long term. It looks like that option is out the window anyway.....
Really just needing to rant.
I'm trying to plan a trip to see twitterBoy.
As much as I enjoy being single
being able to wake up with someone you enjoy & r attracted 2 everyday and doing fun things etc with just sounds so damn nice.
Maybe I deserve that.
posting this to see if i can look back at as a win or fail xD
carmen_b
04-16-2020, 08:26 AM
Lady : Interesting. If it were me I'd definitely plan to go see him.
But you probably already figured that out from my posting here. I feel like sexual chemistry IS special. If you have it with him I'd want it again. If you are going for longer term try to sell him on the non sex work sides to you ( to make sure he has a balanced view ) .
Not sure if you want my advise haha . You see all my debacles here in this thread.
carmen_b
04-16-2020, 10:31 AM
SD from Hawaii sent a dress over yesterday, another one today, and the bell rang again and it was flowers ( one of my faves ) !
OMG !
I have the weirdest life sometimes hahaha but it has totally brightened my day.
I'm so impressed with FTD too. They ( lilies are a fave ) came in a closed bud form. I love watching the bouquets " pop " open day by day !!
miss.a.p1600
04-16-2020, 11:20 AM
Niiiice!!!
The thirsty guy just quadruple text and his last text was like “hey do you need some head”
carmen_b
04-16-2020, 11:37 AM
^ " yeah, and some edibles too please " .
carmen_b
04-16-2020, 11:38 AM
^ Lol !!!
The willing to serve should be given the gift of being allowed to serve. :)
Winged Dinghy
04-16-2020, 12:10 PM
I'm so glad I started seeing the guy from my pole dance studio when I did. He is a bright light during this time. We don't see each other a ton due to each living with primary partners. But last week he got us a really luxurious hotel room and we just holed up and had butt sex and did drugs (LSD, molly, sass, whippets, ketamine) for 18 hours.
It was a magical, trippy and fucking intense experience. This hotel is one of the only ones open downtown and it was only 5% occupied. We never saw another guest. It felt like we were the only passengers on a brightly lit ship adrift on the ocean. We walked around the empty, chandelier-hung lobby at like 1 in the morning and looked at 19th-century oil paintings. When I went outside to smoke, nobody was on the street except the occasional cop or homeless person. And a few rats. I keep trying to savor the strangeness, because it won't last forever. During Katrina, I was so anxious for things to go back to normal that I failed to appreciate the terrible uniqueness of those times.
carmen_b
04-16-2020, 12:33 PM
^^^ Omg !! Saw your name here and was like " yeah, I need to open this immediately " hahahah.
carmen_b
04-16-2020, 12:35 PM
Also ..... a drug related question for anyone who would care to answer. Is sex on LSD a thing ? Good ? Bad ? Not something you do ?
It would be my first experience ( and I'll take maybe half or 2/3) and J has already done it 8-9 times or so.
I'm wondering about *if* I should do it at all just because my life was so trauma heavy the last few months . I'm wondering if it will bring that recent stuff up since that has been my experience lately and now wonder if I should wait for a more safe / calm phase of life to do it.
Ladycaxe
04-16-2020, 01:03 PM
Last time i did LSD it was no bueno lol. i was in a really bad mood and did it alone...recipe for disaster xD but if ur w/ someone experienced and are comfortable with it, it should be fun. lsd is a powerful drug.
miss.a.p1600
04-16-2020, 01:22 PM
^ " yeah, and some edibles too please " .
good point. I thought to myself he should do “something” else for me in addition to sexual offerings
lurkingtitties
04-16-2020, 02:33 PM
Also ..... a drug related question for anyone who would care to answer. Is sex on LSD a thing ? Good ? Bad ? Not something you do ?
It would be my first experience ( and I'll take maybe half or 2/3) and J has already done it 8-9 times or so.
I'm wondering about *if* I should do it at all just because my life was so trauma heavy the last few months . I'm wondering if it will bring that recent stuff up since that has been my experience lately and now wonder if I should wait for a more safe / calm phase of life to do it.
Honestly I would suggest you just take a whole tab, threshold trips can be frustrating. I think for your first time it's better to have the full experience and see what it's about. It probably will help you feel at peace with your prior bad experiences.
I microdosed this morning actually!
carmen_b
04-16-2020, 03:42 PM
Nice ! I’ve shaken a lot of the trauma and do feel more healed here in the desert anyway.
miss.a.p1600
04-16-2020, 03:59 PM
Niiiice!!!
The thirsty guy just quadruple text and his last text was like “hey do you need some head”
Omg
all I said was I’d call him later. All I had in mind was maybe some phone sex AFTER he bought me something equivalent to 3 dates worth in monetary value
this dude took it to a whole new level saying
“if you’re serious I can leave work at x time, take a shower, and bring moscato”
ive opened up the floodgates of this guys thirst.
carmen_b
04-16-2020, 04:12 PM
Well tell him what to buy and the time.
See what he does haha.
miss.a.p1600
04-16-2020, 04:43 PM
Will do! Thanks for the input carmen
carmen_b
04-16-2020, 06:44 PM
Maybe with J it could be hesitation with meeting his daughter ( 7 ) . Like .... not sure yet how to navigate it.
My plan is to settle in and just at least have a fun evening or two together again before bringing up this talk anymore.
Then next time we chat I want to assure him that I am not rushing or pressing for more time with him OR a meeting with her.
I like seeing him just every few days . It feels like a great amount of time for me and gives me time for other things . If we did transition into having me meet her, I would just suggest something like a quick meeting an hour in an afternoon ( with an activity planned ) . I am not looking to jump in and be around all the time which might ease some things with him. It could also be something entirely unrelated but it doesn't hurt to have that convo.
My plan would NOT to be up his butt. He knows about M and how M basically coerced me to give him 6 days out of my week. I am happy having my own space / time .
carmen_b
04-16-2020, 06:47 PM
Today he is out buying a pillow , coffee maker , and some food requests for his " not girlfriend " to be more comfy................
miss.a.p1600
04-16-2020, 08:08 PM
omg
he just text me talking about some 'ima eat that pussy like its the last meal of my life'
ahahahaha
damn! I love a bonafide pro pussy eater that LOVES to get the job done like their life depends on it......
but I've never done it like this. well actually I have a couple times when I was on depression medication and it made me manic (aka hyper sexual) but not in my normal everyday life
am I really about to risk coronavirus for some oral sex? shiiiit I just might
miss.a.p1600
04-16-2020, 09:15 PM
Well I think I pissed him off when I told him I couldn’t meet him tonight. I didn’t get the weed I wanted so I’m not in the mood to do anything.
That’s his fault though.
When I said I’d call him that was to try to work out a plan to meet not a definitive Im meeting you tonight. He’s the one that jumped to conclusions. Idiot!
I don’t want him knowing where I live (cause idk if he’s a stalker type) and I can’t meet him out anywhere cause everything closed. I don’t want to go to his place cause he has roommates. And I don’t think he’s rolling in dough enough to get a hotel.
So where the heck will said oral sex take place?
I do know if he acts like a whiny bitch hell get nothing
carmen_b
04-16-2020, 09:16 PM
can't wait to hear all about it
er i mean .... whatever you decide hahahaha
I would hate to say to do it and then have you get dissapointed . I just remember my " Mr. Tall " so fondly. He was always talking about his love for eating the puss and I just HAD to take advantage lol. He is the one who our first meeting was like 2 hours long at my hotel ( I literally had time to shower then had two hours and the room in his town until I went on to Vegas ). He made my night / weekend . Then we met the next week. Then I think we met later on another trip.
I'm just saying there is possibility .
I do still remember how sweet he was too ..... he was like " Dinner tomorrow on me ? " and I said " I'm at hotel xyz, start driving ".
Winged Dinghy
04-17-2020, 08:05 AM
Also ..... a drug related question for anyone who would care to answer. Is sex on LSD a thing ? Good ? Bad ? Not something you do ?
It would be my first experience ( and I'll take maybe half or 2/3) and J has already done it 8-9 times or so.
I'm wondering about *if* I should do it at all just because my life was so trauma heavy the last few months . I'm wondering if it will bring that recent stuff up since that has been my experience lately and now wonder if I should wait for a more safe / calm phase of life to do it.
If it's your first time and you've had some recent trauma, I would hold back on combining LSD and sex. I would do one or the other. Or I would do the sex with something like molly. I have a lot of experience with LSD, and tripping while fucking was still something of a challenge for me. For one thing, just navigating the strap-on was more difficult. I kept getting distracted by the blinking lights on the vibrator part. And struggling to keep it properly lodged in my vag. Plus I kind of got in my head and started questioning if I was really doing a good job with the ass fucking.
So I personally would wait for a more safe and calm time. Or I would microdose and enjoy the trip with no expectation for sex to happen at least until you have more experience with it.
carmen_b
04-17-2020, 09:27 AM
I feel confident in my decision to give this just one more week.
I feel like it would be good to have one more " fun time only " ( no chatting about things ) and then maybe have a chat again.
Since I am not comfortable with the description " great friends who are great in bed " or whatever it was he said ....... I need to really be aware of how I feel and my intuition about things in the next week. I would just like reassurance that he isn't chatting with a bunch of people and then will " drop " me the moment quarantine ends . That isn't eloquent but I think that is the gist of what is bothering me.
The fact is ...... we REALLY enjoy each other when we are together. He treats me in a very loving way. I just *feel* that this won't resonate with me much longer to be treated so well but not have a " plan " .
I feel like I made a lot of mistakes in the last 8-10 months ( such as waiting for Aussie B to " send for me " and not dating anyone else at all early May to late June ) or allowing my fall low libido guy to only offer sex once a week for 6 weeks " hoping " it will magically get better ( I should have told him I'd be taking another lover or left him at 4 weeks as well ! ). That is not the way to act you know ? If it isn't " clicking " and resonating ......... it's time to say good bye.
miss.a.p1600
04-17-2020, 09:48 AM
Im going to speak this into existence....
Im going to meet the mayor here locally before end of 2020 AND he will be irresistibly attracted to me
carmen_b
04-17-2020, 09:56 AM
Yesssssss ^^^^
miss.a.p1600
04-17-2020, 11:37 AM
Girl I saw some videos of him in the news.....that mf is FINE af! Definitely fuckable, surprised he ain't married.....honestly my pussy is stuck up and I need a challenge - to fuck some high status dudes.
carmen_b
04-17-2020, 12:04 PM
^ This public figure in my state has also caught my eye. Hahaha. He is always on the news talking about covid stuff . I am so sure he is BORED to TEARS of these convos and is dying to get treated to some quality attention . :)
Goals 2020 !! Yessssss !!!! There is 90% chance the politico type guy will be kinky AF !!
You'll be in for such a treat I can just feel it hahahaha.
carmen_b
04-17-2020, 12:06 PM
Golf Clubs are open now in my area. I think I know where my sugar hunt will begin ........