View Full Version : 2019 DATING Adventures Thread (2018 continuation)
carmen_b
12-22-2020, 10:42 AM
^ You can always just be straight with him like " I wanted to persue something but you made a shitty effort. You didn't treat me well so I'd rather you didn't contact me " .
I like to be straight because about 9 months ago Aussie B was messaging saying he was headed to the U.S. and this is right around the time I met J.
I just told him " Hey I still loved you 6 months ago but your complete lack of effort has us where we are now " . After I said it I felt so much better !
miss.a.p1600
12-22-2020, 10:46 AM
Thats a great idea but you know what carmen
Last fall, I tried to be mature & let him know that I wasn't satisfied with his efforts and wanted to end things amicably but he intentionally avoided my call
So....
I'm going to take passive aggressive for $500.......and give his h*e ass the same respect he gave me.....NONE!
(don't judge me lol! Maybe once I leave my grinch phase, Ill do like you suggest and take the higher road but until then......)
carmen_b
12-22-2020, 10:57 AM
^ Well bread crumbing is a weird thing that men do these days. Women doesn't respond well at all to it so I am really not sure why this is a thing.
I think men think women are stupid enough to not realize that is exactly what they are doing.
Pick a girl , be consistent, treat her well ect. , feed her, and show up with a boner twice a week minimum ( 3-4 for me hahahah ) .
^ Are these instructions really that hard ? Lol
miss.a.p1600
12-22-2020, 11:11 AM
Exactly!!!
Girl when I started researching online about 'ghosting' n came across the term 'bread crumbing' I was like 'cotdamn it! this mf has been bread crumbing me!"
carmen_b
12-22-2020, 11:15 AM
^ It’s both refreshing and sucky when you actually put the name to bad behavior !!
lurkingtitties
12-23-2020, 05:26 AM
Carmen-it’s really funny to me to think about you being someone’s second sexual partner, you’re so freaky! Haha especially for someone who was raised in the LDS community. Poor dude must be lowkey terrified!
lurkingtitties
12-23-2020, 06:02 AM
I met up with Mr Ghana last night to have our Serious Discussion. I was extremely nervous but it went...a lot better than I was expecting?
I had decided it was important for us to meet up somewhere neutral so I got a hotel room for the night. (They are cheap right now bc off-season) He was surprised/impressed by that. I also brought all my crystals for good vibes/communication. He def was afraid that I was going to be furious with him-we took turns picking out crystals and I arranged mine around me in a circle. He put his crystals in a line in front of him like a barrier. Lol
He apologized right away for not telling me sooner. And admitted that it was easier for him to assume that I knew than to have a difficult conversation about it. We both said we’ve had similar feelings since that went down of not knowing where we stand with the other person/being scared to reach out.
His kid is 6 and he has 50% custody, which he had to fight for in court. He said that he put his ex through nursing school after the kid was born and she left him shortly after getting her degree. He’s dated since then but hasn’t had a serious relationship because he’s felt so guarded after what happened with her. We both agreed that we’re looking for something serious.
I was straight up with him that I don’t want to be stuck in this area for 12 more years and he said he understood. I guess it remains to be seen if/how there’s a solution to that issue.
It was really nice to communicate with someone for real. Regardless of the outcome I feel a lot better now.
After we talked we cuddled for a while and we both said that we had missed each other. Then we had makeup sex which got messy because I was on the tail end of my period. We needed a couple towels to clean up and they both got soaked with blood. He said he didn’t want the cleaning staff to have to deal with that so he put them in a bag to take home and throw out. I dunno why but that’s really funny to me!
charlie61
12-23-2020, 07:28 PM
Carmen, i confess that I'm surprised that your number is so LOW! Girl, if i weren't asexual, i feel like I'd have some serious numbers to show for my sexual partners. Really surprised! You prefer to have a lot of committed relationship sex, though, which is cool.
Lurkingtitties - i loved reading your post about the conversation you had. Go with your gut and your heart on this one. Sometimes we think we know what we want, and we have all of these plans, but life has other plans for us. Go with the flow and enjoy. There are so many things that have happened in my life, where i thought my life was taking me in a direction that wasn't according to plan, and by going with the flow, embracing change, and relaxing into different opportunities that arise, I've ultimately experienced more personal growth and happiness than i ever could have hoped for.
carmen_b
12-24-2020, 01:33 PM
I don't even think I'm a freak lol ! It's not like I'm showing up with a bucket O toys on date #3 or anything. The more kinky stuff I expressed an interest in with J was after knowing him like 8 months already ! I don't even really " need " the more kinky adventures . I just was open to them and wanted to let him know.
:)
Carmen-it’s really funny to me to think about you being someone’s second sexual partner, you’re so freaky! Haha especially for someone who was raised in the LDS community. Poor dude must be lowkey terrified!
carmen_b
12-24-2020, 01:37 PM
^ Yeah I was messed up with an LDS upbringing though too. My family wasn't super into it like J's . It's more like they used it for free babysitting and it messed up my life !
I wasn't active in the cult ( not a typo haha ) after about age 20 but my sexuality was messed up until around 29. I stripped even before I had sex !
I don't count a " yuck " situation ( sexual coercion ) as partner #1 when I was 29, I count my partner 2011 - 2018 as partner #1 if that makes sense.
Then I just was scraping and tying so hard to get a damn boyfriend in 2019 and honestly either hate or at best have neutral feelings to every partner I encountered that year . I had another long term partner too and for YEARS we did oral only ( he was strict catholic but it was mostly me who was messed up from religion fears ).
carmen_b
12-24-2020, 01:39 PM
Lurking when I first started seeing J I was hesitant to stay in his desert community too but it's gone pretty well .
It's just a location that I didn't really " see " as a viable option before .
I always thought of it more like quick visits / a place to do some business / a spot to invest in property ( because of a heavy traveler volume ) .
It'll be fun to see your updates and see how this goes. :)
lurkingtitties
12-24-2020, 03:10 PM
I wasn't active in the cult ( not a typo haha )
Yeah. I lived with a super devout Mormon family for a couple months this summer. Totally a cult. I never realized how much I swear until I had to actively not swear around all their kids!
I do have to give them credit for letting me walk around the house in shorts/tank tops with all my ink showing...their youngest girl really liked me bc she was too young to know better. I wonder if someday she'll go through a rebellious phase because of my influence, ha.
lurkingtitties
12-24-2020, 03:15 PM
Lurking when I first started seeing J I was hesitant to stay in his desert community too but it's gone pretty well .
It's just a location that I didn't really " see " as a viable option before .
I always thought of it more like quick visits / a place to do some business / a spot to invest in property ( because of a heavy traveler volume ) .
It'll be fun to see your updates and see how this goes. :)
That's a helpful perspective. I have a friend with a very similar background to me-Jewish, cultured big city girl, stripped in college then lived abroad for years teaching/training martial arts-who went through pretty much the same situation a couple years ago and it didn't end well for her. Moved to a depressed rural-ish town in the Northeast for a job, hated the area, met a guy with a 5 year old who couldn't leave. They were in love and she tried to stay and give it a shot but ultimately her dissatisfaction with the location drove a wedge between them. So my mind has been neurotically obsessing over the worst case scenario. I'll def keep you guys updated.
carmen_b
12-27-2020, 12:15 AM
The time frame Dec. 23-25 was amazing !
Today the 26th was rough I'll be honest. It was a little hard for me where I didn't expect it to be. It was his day with just his daughter which is fair considering I got spoiled the last 3 nights ( ski lodge , read fuck fest later for my full details ).
I'll just admit today was hard. I wasn't included in " their " Christmas day celebration. His family wasn't included either . They are in town ( his parents ). I'll see everyone tomorrow .
Eh nevermind.
Morning update: I woke up and roommates had gone out so I am getting this house to myself with all this quiet and am just fine. J can have his loud house and I'll catch up later. :)
lurkingtitties
12-27-2020, 12:04 PM
I had a really interesting conversation about dating with one of my coworkers the other day. We were the only two people working Christmas. He was explaining to me that he’s divorced and his kids are late teens/early 20s so they don’t really want to hang with their parents much right now. So he came to work to take his mind off feeling lonely.
We started talking about meeting people on apps and whatnot and how hard it is. He told me he’s had a lot of women ghost him after a couple dates and that it’s super discouraging/hurts his feelings. He’s a super sweet guy too, I felt bad for him! I told him I’ve dealt with similar stuff. It’s tough out there these days.
It was kinda helpful for me to talk to him, because I thought my general lack of success in dating was because of something wrong with me and/or millennials in general. Now I see that it’s probably more just the way the world is right now.
miss.a.p1600
12-27-2020, 12:08 PM
People are jerks in today’s current dating scene
Wtf is up with all the ghosting n breadcrumbing?
Just have a quick honest convo (if it’s safe to do so like the person isn’t some violent unhinged psycho) and then each person move on. May hurt short term but better that way in long run.
Too many people out here playing mind games or trying to be “nice” which is actually quite mean when you lead a person to believe something that won’t ever happen.
I used to be queen of “fizzling out” but now I think it’s better to be honest that it won’t work rather than ghost, fizzle, breadcrumb
carmen_b
12-27-2020, 12:16 PM
^ Being straight is 100% the BEST thing for most people.
Obviously not when you have a fear that guy will be weird or something.
I actually favor my partners in 2019 who were 100% honest ( various reasons ) that they were not going to give me something longer term. I was then left with a choice to just not see them at all or just see them a few times ( which is what I did with kinkster J , Mr. NY , and Mr. Tall ) . I like THEM better now v.s. the dudes who were acting like they were going to be a BF and then disappointed me ( I HATE three in particular for doing this ).
Lurking : The women should have just be honest with your co-worker. Lame.
Bad behavior is cowardly and awful ( despite gender ). We all need to man up and create a better place to date.
miss.a.p1600
12-27-2020, 03:19 PM
Yeah I’m having a hard time now with L
He thinks things are great. I wish they were great. But reality is it’s not.
I think we shouldn’t be more serious until we both are making more money. He told me that end of December is deadline to let him know if I want to continue or not.
lurkingtitties
12-28-2020, 06:03 AM
^^end of December is upon us! What do you think you will do?
It’s been around 6 months you guys have been seeing each other now, yeah? That’s a reasonable time frame for both of you to decide if you want to get serious or go your separate ways.
If you do break up will it be awkward with you guys being neighbors?
miss.a.p1600
12-28-2020, 07:21 AM
^Yes you are right I believe it’s been about 5-6months.
it would be totally awkward
He really put the pressure on me to be with him by insisting I meet his family and saying how much they like me. And last night he brought up marriage again.
He is mostly a good guy but not as ambitious career wise. I don’t think it’s registering to him that I want a certain lifestyle, hell most women do, that he really needs to step it up in the provider category.
I said he was chubby but upon discovering his BMI realized that he’s actually obese! I’m not sure if I’m subconsciously turned off by this because I prefer guys in better shape. To make it worse his eating habits are horrible. Then he says he’s going to ask his dr for diet pills. I’m like dude you need to quit eating like you’re trying to win an eating contest and cut back on sugar n carbs n eat more healthy protein n quit laying around all day. Instead of getting into a Healthy BMI range to prevent disease n health issues he’d rather be big until something bad happens then he’ll change. I’m like this is the most ass backwards way of thinking and it’s no wonder you’re big as hell. His mindset is so warped when it comes to weight loss n fitness.
Sorry if this comes off as a nagfest
He’s completely in denial about certain things. Will half ass acknowledge there needs to be improvements but either justified why he should keep the status quo or wants to take unnecessary shortcuts to make it better.
I’ll have to be honest about the money thing and just take it from there. I’m going to work oit at the gym WITHOUT him and if he expects me to cook it’s going to be healthy food that he’s paying for.
lurkingtitties
12-28-2020, 07:29 AM
I don’t think it’s nagging to have complaints about obesity/unhealthy lifestyle. I’ve been with guys like that before too and it can be a huge turnoff. It means less time you’ll get to spend with them down the road. And a higher likelihood of them developing a serious health issue which will impact both of y’all’s quality of life. Plus, in my personal experience when I’ve had relationships with overweight/obese guys, their unhealthy habits rub off on me and I ended up gaining weight too. It’s actually a very practical thing to be concerned about!
charlie61
12-28-2020, 07:38 AM
^Yes. It's another lifestyle incompatibility issue. Health, finances...
miss.a.p1600
12-28-2020, 07:39 AM
^Exactly!!!!!
I don’t want to be obese like him.
He’lol probably be trying to convince me “it’s okay, I love your body no matter what” (obese fluff n all)
Like nah bruh! Ima keep mine tight n right.
During the holidays that’s exactly what he was doing when I said this is the most sugar n sweets n fried food I’ve had all cotdamn year he’s like “it’s okay you can relax its the holidays”
Next time Ima eat Healthy BEFORE I meet up with you. Y’all Mfs can be gluttonous n feed your obesity if y’all want. Not me.
Typical!
lurkingtitties
12-28-2020, 07:52 AM
One of my exes did that with me. We met right when I quit smoking cigs so I was struggling with using food as a crutch to fight nicotine cravings. He was insecure about his own weight and threatened by the dudes at the CrossFit gym I was training at at the time. So he really went along with encouraging me to eat junk. I ended up gaining 35 pounds and was the heaviest I’d ever been in my life! My blood pressure went up too. Usually when I talk about that chapter of my life I tell ppl it was my own fault, because I think talking badly about an ex just reflects poorly on me. I can be brutally honest here though. ;)
Another old boyfriend of mine from when I was muccchhhh younger, started treating me shitty when I lost weight a year into our relationship. I originally just did it because I wanted to be able to get hired at better clubs but it led to me becoming interested in health and fitness. He was a simple guy who liked fried food and booze. I tried to get him on board with my new lifestyle, being young and naive enough to think I could change someone. Instead I came off as nagging and he got resentful. I recently met his ex gf who he was with for 6 years after me at a party and she told me he’s even bigger now, and that she worries he’s going to develop heart failure.
miss.a.p1600
12-28-2020, 08:35 AM
^thats exactly why men die sooner than women
carmen_b
12-28-2020, 09:33 AM
^ I feel for ya in this decision. Like you said yourself he obviously isn't getting it.
I think you might need to be more direct like " In 2-4 months, I picture myself increasing my income to xyz and I'd like a partner who makes about xyz " .
I would say in the convo to identify the KEY issue and stick to it. You could always circle to another issue the next day.
The fitness thing ..... oh .... it's so hard to pull someone along in the regard. Ugh ! I have been the chubbier partner ( and this is a confession MUCH to my embarrassment ) as my longer term partner was getting into martial arts . I've also been the more fit partner ( last fall M was legitimately chubby and despite that didn't really appreciate me ).
This can be such a key issue.
Ironically I got my shit together after my 7 year partner left and found my own fitness and wellness path ( my routine is extensive with gym , yoga , swimming , hiking ). I gained a little 2017to early 2019 I'd say as my business got busier my time for myself was constricted. Now I just make it happen no excuses. I pre- schedule 5 hours a week to work out or even more on certain weeks.
miss.a.p1600
12-28-2020, 10:13 AM
^It must be a male ego thing. You have a good point. The key issue is MONEY (but I do see these other issues like weight/diet/health, sex, etc coming up)
He wants the timeline for marriage to be around 3 months because my lease is up in about 5 months
I don't want to 'just get by', I want to have more than enough to save, invest, travel, retire, etc. Like be the best selves we can be not just be "Oh Im good, I don't need to improve what Im doing, cause I'm not in major debt"
In my mind im like Bertha could quit pulling her weight, anything could happen and I really don't like that he's still a co-signer on Bertha's car lease and she has like 3 years left to pay it off. I ain't trying to deal with that broads debt if she wakes up one day and decides she doesn't want to pay that car loan nor pay for her kids.
He wanted to buy me a ring but honestly with him having that recent operation (plus medical bills) I don't think it's a good idea until he pays those bills off.
So yeah, some improvements need to be made very soon.
carmen_b
12-28-2020, 12:08 PM
^ He can just return the car if she defaults BUT it’s more the link.
I’d be mad too if J offered his ex anything beyond their legal alimony agreement.
carmen_b
12-28-2020, 12:10 PM
Don’t just phrase it as “ money “.
It’s resources to do what you want / get where you want to go.
Another more aggressive tactic is to inform him of your income rise ( which you’ll then actually need to do ) and tell him to get back in touch in 2-3 months if he brings his income to that or above that level. It could inspire him to do it NOW. You are not happy as is so either he’ll do it or you’ll be able to move towards something else.
miss.a.p1600
12-28-2020, 02:15 PM
^ He can just return the car if she defaults BUT it’s more the link.
I’d be mad too if J offered his ex anything beyond their legal alimony agreement.
Yeah he claims he'd sell the car if she quit paying......but would he really leave Bertha without transportation to take the kids around?
And yes. It's the link too. It is beyond their divorce agreement which says she's supposed to refinance it without his name on it but she can't do it cause she defaulted a couple times n has horrible credit so yeah......He trusts her waaaaaay too much.
Don’t just phrase it as “ money “.
It’s resources to do what you want / get where you want to go.
Another more aggressive tactic is to inform him of your income rise ( which you’ll then actually need to do ) and tell him to get back in touch in 2-3 months if he brings his income to that or above that level. It could inspire him to do it NOW. You are not happy as is so either he’ll do it or you’ll be able to move towards something else.
good points!
charlie61
12-28-2020, 11:08 PM
Miss.a.p1600... money, sex, weight/lifestyle... these are all big issues. You started seeing him the way he is right now, so why would he change? It's not healthy to start dating someone and immediately start trying to change them into someone else, against their own pace. Even if he did temporarily change for whatever reason, he'd regress six months into marriage. Seems like you're incompatible on so many levels... i just don't get it! :hug:
miss.a.p1600
12-29-2020, 05:30 AM
I guess I never thought about it like that. Because he’s the one who brought up the job changes/income increase, wanting to lose weight, and promising to learn what I like sexually
It does worry me that if we married he’d stay exactly the same n not even bother trying to improve himself.
I find it ironic that he said his ex wife “held him back”, was lazy and didn’t contribute to the household/marriage which is pretty much how I think id view him if he doesn’t improve.
He did ask me about ring shopping, and marrying n I told him we both need to be progressing career wise, reminded him of the debt he needed to clear, etc before I’d think that was a good idea. He did not agree. He feels like commitment to each other would be enough to motivate towards improving.
lurkingtitties
12-29-2020, 07:03 AM
Honestly missP I agree with everything Charlie says... I wanted to say something similar yesterday but was afraid it would come off nagging. You’re way too good for this guy and I don’t think you should move forward with the relationship. I’m really sorry if that sounds harsh! It’s just so obvious that he’s not what you’re looking for and we care ya, know?
miss.a.p1600
12-29-2020, 07:19 AM
Thank you all. I do appreciate y’all’s perspective because I can’t see the forest from the trees when I’m in the situation
I wasn’t sure if I complain about him too much (because he does have some positive traits that I haven’t experienced with other guys) or Maybe it’s something within me where I don’t feel like my best self rn and so I’m dating a guy who isn’t his best self yet.
After being single for years at a time, I never thought I’d be one of “those” women who can’t be single but it kind of feels like that.
I wanted to just let this relationship end but he kept doing things to get me wrapped deeper into it.
carmen_b
12-30-2020, 04:42 PM
We had a nice couple of days. : )
Really nice.
His schedule is changing from a 2-2-3 thing which trying to explain to other people was so complex haha !
Now he will have his kid something like 3 days a week in a row ( with a long day at the end ) and the ex will have her 4 evenings in a row most weeks. This will make less " shuffle " for his kid happening. It seems like a decent change to at least try. It'll be an adjustment.
I'm a little nervous . On Friday the 1st we are having a convo about whether I should continue to rent this room or not ( beyond the 15th of January ) . I have A LOT of unsold AirBnB space and I have two three day trips coming up in the next 30 days ( which I'll time during his three day kid blocks ).
The thing that ( obviously ) makes me nervous is that I worry he will balk at the idea of just eliminating the room rental ( we did organically gloss over it last night while too high to actually talk for real ). I don't think I will like the idea of needing to create my own home here ( such as buying my own place ) if he has one just sitting there . If I end up creating my own home I can think of one person in particular who might never be invited over hahahaha. I am trying to be hopeful .
lurkingtitties
12-30-2020, 05:52 PM
It seems extra to buy your own home near him, unless you want to eventually move in together and use the extra house as a rental... I mean you’re looking to eventually get more serious and get married right? (I know he is the one that has hangups about it)
carmen_b
12-30-2020, 05:53 PM
^ Yeah not opposed to more serious leading towards marriage but also not a rush on the engagement thing.
carmen_b
12-30-2020, 05:55 PM
Yes, if I sell my main home up North and then use it to put down on something here it's a move I'd be comfy with from a financial position but emotionally I would probably just be like " Gross this dude is watching me set up my own home lets not talk to him anymore ". I'm 99% sure that is the reaction I'd have. He seemed sweet last night getting into this conversation so maybe things are looking pretty good. We had an edible each though and were not focused .
I need to make firm decisions right now where home is . I should have my real estate license in a month and I want to hit it hard selling as soon as I get it. I think this whole quarantine thing is going to be shaking people out of their current homes / towns. Someone needs to handle these transactions and it should be me. I'm waiting to work as much as possible in 2021.
:)
Zofia
12-30-2020, 07:33 PM
i should have my real estate license in a month and i want to hit it hard selling as soon as i get it.
:)
Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!
carmen_b
12-30-2020, 07:42 PM
^ Thx !! I set aside the time for it in the week and just don’t deviate.
I’m about 40-50% there. Even if I just use it for myself and my own / family projects I think it’ll be helpful .
I turned my attitude lately from “ oh maybe I’ll use it “ to “ I’m fully planning to camp out at the office as long as it takes to get my first customer “ hahaha.
Zofia
12-31-2020, 07:45 AM
^^^ Work the plan, Carmen, and you will be successful! ^^^
carmen_b
12-31-2020, 04:38 PM
Very nervous for convo tomorrow.
Ugh
I’ll try not to think about it and enjoy the holiday. He ordered a nice dinner.
EDIT : Bleh it's tomorrow now . We are talking in 30 minutes !
We set a cap for the conversation of 30 minutes AND no drugs ( even weed ! ) until after hahaha.
charlie61
12-31-2020, 07:21 PM
Thank you all. I do appreciate y’all’s perspective because I can’t see the forest from the trees when I’m in the situation
I wasn’t sure if I complain about him too much (because he does have some positive traits that I haven’t experienced with other guys) or Maybe it’s something within me where I don’t feel like my best self rn and so I’m dating a guy who isn’t his best self yet.
After being single for years at a time, I never thought I’d be one of “those” women who can’t be single but it kind of feels like that.
I wanted to just let this relationship end but he kept doing things to get me wrapped deeper into it.
I think this is a great insight about yourself, and there's probably a lot of truth to that. We don't tend to attract amazing people into our lives when we're struggling (it can happen, of course, but i don't think it's common). Dating this guy is not a mistake, as long as you're learning from the experience and getting a certain amount of enjoyment from it. The mistake would be spending too much time stuck in that place (how many years of your life do you want to spend nagging and criticizing this guy to try to turn him into something that he can't inspire himself to be?), or pursuing marriage as a FIX.. Marriage is not going to fix any of these problems. You would feel trapped, and he'd feel like he sealed the deal.
This board legit saved me when i was in a less than ideal marriage. While my circumstances were extremely different, the unhappiness was similar. Genoveve was the one who said, hey, Charlie, you've been complaining about this situation on this board for almost a year. Do you want to look back in another year and realize you've been treading water with this guy for two years? Or do you want to start doing the work to leave him now, so that you can look back on this in a year from a better place?
I honestly think you probably do need to do work on yourself to attract the kind of love and affection into your life that you want and deserve (we all need to do some amount of that work). And i know you want to work on your career, too. Are you going to have the space in your life to become who you want to be with this man by your side? Is he going to help inspire you to live the life that you want for yourself? Is this guy merely comfortable for you, for now, or is he what you want for your future? ♡
miss.a.p1600
01-01-2021, 12:11 AM
^yeah i pretty much told him I wanted to make sure we both progressed in career before I’d think marriage was a good idea.
I know I’d be miserable n thinking in the back of my head “the grass is greener on the other side” if I married him now with his status quo.
The ironic thing is is brother is more successful career wise and takes good care of his wife n kids financially. While I wished L had the success of his brother I’m at least thankful he has a role model.
I am discreetly keeping in touch with my guy friend from TX so I can seamlessly make moves in the event L decides not to step up to the plate.
lurkingtitties
01-01-2021, 06:02 AM
I’ve been feeling very up and down with this whole dating a single dad situation.
You guys probably know the 5 love languages right? Well I learned about them not too long ago and since I was single at the time I wasn’t sure what my primary one was. I’m now realizing it’s quality time which is just super hard and shitty in these circumstances.
I went home at the beginning of the week to pick up my dog/see my parents/just get out of town for a couple days to clear my head. My mom was dying to know what had happened since I last spoke to her so I told her about our conversation at the hotel and whatnot. She was very pleased with everything I told her and actually smoothed over some of my concerns. I had been skeptical wondering why his ex left him right after getting her nursing degree but my mom told me that’s super common/she knows people of both genders who have gotten played that way. She also said not to be worried about him not being given 50% custody at first. She really encouraged me to stay here for a while and give him a chance. (She was sympathetic to my issue of not getting enough attention too) I’m going to tell him that if he ever meets my parents he needs to tell my mom thank you because she’s really on his team.
My dad just wanted to know if he was Jewish. When I told him dude is foreign he asked what his accent sounds like. He’s kind of an awkward guy lol.
When I got back to town I told him I really missed him and needed to see him soon. He said that was the nicest thing anyone had said to him all month but he doesn’t have availability until Monday...not his fault obviously but that’s super hard for me to handle.
Last night I started feeling really sad about being alone on NYE. I usually celebrate NYE in a big way. I told him I wasn’t doing well and he snuck away for a little bit to come see me. He was only able to stay for 40 minutes but I know it’s a big deal for him to drop what he was doing and come over. (Good thing we live 8 minutes from each other I guess! I don’t think this situation would work for me at all if we were further apart.)
I dunno yo this is definitely tough!
charlie61
01-01-2021, 11:17 AM
^yeah i pretty much told him I wanted to make sure we both progressed in career before I’d think marriage was a good idea.
I know I’d be miserable n thinking in the back of my head “the grass is greener on the other side” if I married him now with his status quo.
The ironic thing is is brother is more successful career wise and takes good care of his wife n kids financially. While I wished L had the success of his brother I’m at least thankful he has a role model.
I am discreetly keeping in touch with my guy friend from TX so I can seamlessly make moves in the event L decides not to step up to the plate.
Am i misremembering that he gave you an ultimatum through the end of December, to make a decision?
miss.a.p1600
01-01-2021, 02:28 PM
^that is true.
I told him I didn’t see this progressing into marriage, moving together, more kids if there was no career progression first.
At first he tried to do his usual “I’m straight, I’m not asking people for money, I’m good, I can pay my bills, I’m not broke” typical deflect n minimize but I stuck to my guns n said RIGHT NOW can you afford to do xyz for a new baby (hell for your current kids).
So he says that starting the new year he’s allegedly going to actually study for this test for the new higher paying career. And do other things to improve himself like workout more eat better
He gave me the ultimatum but I’m turning it around on him.
My long time Facebook friend from TX messaged me this holiday. He doesn’t have any dependents, seems financially more secure than L, and it got me thinking about how I want to make sure if I’m in a long term relationship that we can afford to do whatever we want to do. While L is good with relationship commitment, emotional support, when it comes to financial stability, I don’t get this vibe from L if he procrastinates, makes excuses for himself, n stays with his status quo.
carmen_b
01-01-2021, 06:08 PM
We talked. I’m open to keeping the room for a little bit.
This convo was a brainstorming one to give my house mates some notice ( if I planned to leave in 2-3 weeks ).
I told him if I buy here it would probably sit terribly ( the idea of setting up a household solo ). I’m not sure where it will “ settle “.
I told him I often feel like I’m just auditioning for a role I’m not going to get.
The convo went pretty well / deep into things ( how our other relationships have started / issues / timelines ).
carmen_b
01-01-2021, 07:35 PM
I felt 2-3 days ago strongly that the nights in the AirBnBs should be “ enough “ as my secondary home .
They are mine after all ( I can pre-book 3-6 nights a month and my siblings also can prebook a few each but they rarely use them ). Then I get any vacancies too. It’s a lot of availability.
We couldn’t really settle on a conclusion but leaned towards not having me give up the room for 1-2 weeks so we can think about it more.
Would anyone else be hurt or upset at this point ( 9 months ) with what I described ?
I am just not sure how I’ll feel about this tomorrow.
lurkingtitties
01-02-2021, 05:43 AM
Carmen I thought you were way out of line with your expectations several months ago (sorry, no offense!) but now that I’m having a somewhat similar experience... I totally get it.