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miss.a.p1600
01-06-2021, 01:19 PM
^EXACTLY!!

What I’ve found is they say they’ll do the housework n child rearing. N cheer the woman on while she’s hustling for the money in the joint account he’s going to spend

chanzep
01-06-2021, 04:16 PM
They try to jusitfy it too. Like saving money etc. I don't believe in it even in marriage. They never end up.doing the household stuff. They wear you out then move on.

chanzep
01-06-2021, 04:17 PM
It works for some people but I find it a turn off.

carmen_b
01-06-2021, 04:22 PM
Even I ( who is crazy against both people not working full time ) can see IF you have a small kid ( baby to 4 for example ) that it could be a good time to just focus on kid!
Even a 5-6 year old I can see then going back to only part time.

carmen_b
01-06-2021, 04:23 PM
I don’t understand how J ( before his wife had a kid ) for 5 years didn’t suggest she work ! What can I say though ? I date a former Mormon now atheist hahaha.

He makes great money but sometimes doesn’t feel ahead enough !
Do the math !!
If she even made 25k for 5 years ..... there is your bulk savings loss.

NOW if you took that 125k and bought a rental property 7 years ago ?!?
Even MORE loss.

carmen_b
01-06-2021, 04:24 PM
I get jealous sometimes and have to focus on other things haha.

This is why I don’t offer more childcare. I’ll give him an hour 1-2 times a week 4-5pm but my business hours are mine only . My time hour by hour is worth way more than the highest paid / best nannies in area. I’m 100% ok with dropping work for an emergency but not day to day. For me to do this he’d literally have to funnel $$$$ into an account for me !
I can’t risk my work time.
With her being 8 he doesn’t need much extra child care help either.
He respects my time FYI and has never asked other than very rarely .

^ I'd be more open to helping much more if he was off setting my costs of living ( saving me the money renting that room or more ).

He faces a challenge though on Mon. and Tues. now since he homeschools and works at same time.

miss.a.p1600
01-06-2021, 04:26 PM
They try to jusitfy it too. Like saving money etc. I don't believe in it even in marriage. They never end up.doing the household stuff. They wear you out then move on.

I think me n L are not eye to eye on this topic.

He thinks exactly like you just said.

Like gag me!!! As a man you should be focused on MAKING MORE not how you’re going to cut back n save. That is a secondary concern.

Granted I do see him doing household stuff but he doesn’t do it how I like it. I’d probably end up doing it if we lived together.

miss.a.p1600
01-06-2021, 04:30 PM
I don’t understand how J ( before his wife had a kid ) for 5 years didn’t suggest she work ! What can I say though ? I date a former Mormon now atheist hahaha.

So she got 5 years of living for free and me .... er...... ?!???


I feel the same way girl.

L’s ex wife never worked while they were married. For 11 years. And if she did she had horrible work ethic n quit her jobs.

He provided for a family of 4 on minimum wage but I think that’s part of what led to their demise. He hated that she was “dead weight” and she probably hated that she had to get authorization to spend using an extreme cheapskates credit card.

miss.a.p1600
01-06-2021, 04:34 PM
They try to jusitfy it too. Like saving money etc. I don't believe in it even in marriage. They never end up.doing the household stuff. They wear you out then move on.

Many of the women in my family are or were housewives.

It obviously depends on the family dynamics- some women prefer to be working outside the home. And some families want to amass more wealth.

I’d rather marry a guy who doesn’t *need* my income. More money I can put away towards my retirement

I guess I’m more traditional in the sense I expect a man to be able to provide financially.

And Yes. They justify it so they don’t have to take a hit to their fragile male ego/they can continue underperforming in their career n life

carmen_b
01-06-2021, 04:44 PM
Nightmare !
I’d never have a kid without 100k minimum per year. Prob way more!!! Omg. :/

carmen_b
01-06-2021, 04:45 PM
L’s wife should have worked. I have no idea how that math added up to her.

miss.a.p1600
01-06-2021, 05:00 PM
L’s wife should have worked. I have no idea how that math added up to her.

That Or left him for a rich dude if she ain’t want to work. But yeah now that they’re divorced she HAS to work to be able to provide for their kids.

She’s not that smart either. She went through a divorce WITH NO LAWYER and IMO she got the short end of the stick. She could have kept their home, got more in child support, maybe even gotten a little alimony. She walked away with $15/mo in cs and 50 percent custody. Horrible deal for someone who was a housewife - even at the lower end of the class spectrum

carmen_b
01-06-2021, 05:06 PM
PLEASE DON'T QUOTE AS I'M SHARING DETAILS THAT STRESS ME OUT HAHA

J's ex will need to learn to work.

It does admittedly scare me because if she really fucks up I doubt he'd just leave her in the gutter ( plus we need her she is a half time nanny ). So I hope she gets it together and her $180K-ish pay out ( distributed monthly over 5 years ) isn't just wasted on fucking off .

^ Going back to math haha honestly that isn't even THAT much money . She was with him for 12 years and is only getting 180k for all that time BUT I imagine she was well taken care of ( at least in the good times during that time ).

I'll probably delete these details ! STRESS ! I want to just pretend he isn't giving that much haha.

Meanwhile my ass is like " Dude just let me stay there a little more to save $500 a month on the room . We can save me a WHOLE $500 a month ! " or at least I WAS thinking that way until I had such a great time solo these last few days . I ended up changing my mind about it entirely.

carmen_b
01-06-2021, 05:08 PM
ANOTHER DO NOT QUOTE ONE PLEASE

Make your own $$$ ladies.

Then hide half of it trusts !
I kind of laugh about this. Remember when I was dating the fat guy fall 2019 ? I took him up to the forest property I have and he made a joke about " oh if we married it would be half mine " . I told him it was protected by a family trust long term and you could actually see how disappointed he was lol !! That was only ONE of my projects. He didn't know about the others ( I disclose real estate holdings to partners little by little for very obvious reasons ).

** do not quote please, will remove **

lurkingtitties
01-06-2021, 06:49 PM
^^LOL I can totally picture that exchange! You were way too good for him.

I haven’t disclosed my financial situation to my guy yet and this makes me feel better about it. My mom received an unexpected inheritance in 2008 that my parents have managed well so I’m in a good situation as far as retirement goes.

Dude is planning to apply to grad schools in the fall and I know that if things were to get serious between us my dad would insist on paying for his school, as it’s better for my financial future vs having a partner with huge student loans. I don’t want him to know that just yet though!!!!

carmen_b
01-06-2021, 07:31 PM
^ Exactly. Little by little as comfort builds.

miss.a.p1600
01-06-2021, 08:02 PM
Interesting point on the trusts.

lurkingtitties
01-10-2021, 08:11 AM
We are introducing our dogs later today so I guess you can say things are getting pretty serious :D

Also he gave me some bomb food last night that his grandma made. Some of it was very spicy and he said he was impressed that I was so eager to try it/most of his American friends are more hesitant.

It’s really just because I’m from a big city with a huge variety of international restaurants, but I’ll let him keep thinking that I’m a magical unicorn 8)

carmen_b
01-10-2021, 06:00 PM
We had a nice Vegas trip.
He treated my friend and I to some delicious pasta .

We did so much shopping at the edibles store and the adult store hahahaha.
The place that sells edibles closer to us is SO expensive. My go-to Vegas store was doing these buy one get ones and he went crazy .


That dinner was pretty expensive haha. I'll go easier on him the next couple times I suggest somewhere to eat.
The bread was so damn good ( sourdough with multiple dippings for it ).
We stayed with my friend and did a nice hot tub soak in evening.

carmen_b
01-10-2021, 07:15 PM
His daughter sent me a letter through the mail.

It said ( the gist ) something like :

C I have only known you 1-2 months but I love you. I would seriously want to marry you but I am just a kid.

^ So cute ! hahaha

Girl for record it's been 8.5 months since we met haha !

miss.a.p1600
01-10-2021, 07:30 PM
^That's so sweet.

Yeah Bertha was hollering at L over the phone saying she didn't want anyone around her kids n 'don't bring that mess over here' about the gifts I got.

L sent me a pic of his daughter sleeping with her stuffed animal. and surprisingly took the s.a. to her mom's house. I think it's still intact lol.

I am actually trying not to get attached to the kids cause.....I might need to leave if L doesn't pull his weight financially, etc

miss.a.p1600
01-10-2021, 07:41 PM
I have a question.

I want to go to this specific 5star upscale restaurant for valentines. The problem is = All his petty ramblings about how his check was short, he hasn't got his stimulus nor his tax returns, he got paid only 75% of his income on his medical leave (he needs to go back to work now imo), etc. caused me to believe he probably can't afford to take me.

This might not have been that big of an issue had he gone back to work by now and not spend frivolously on this pricey new kitchen appliance and whatever else he's obligated to spend.

Should I go by myself? And maybe tell him I'm going on a ladies Valentines Day brunch or something? What should I do. I think it will cause tension if I don't invite him but I don't want to invite him and feel tense about the money. He mentioned he just wanted to take me to some other place that I've never been which I'm sure is nice but I kind of had my eye on this specific place since I went there last Valentines and vowed to come back again this Valentines. Should I just settle on the restaurant he's going to pick since he's paying? Try to squeeze in both (once by myself then again in the eve with him?)

carmen_b
01-10-2021, 07:50 PM
^ Well she is nuts for even thinking she can have full control of the time he has. :)

You've been seeing each other a bit . It's not like you are a stranger / not established.

charlie61
01-10-2021, 07:51 PM
Girl, this restaurant issue is like a microcosmic example of the main issue you have with him. I think it's a decision you need to make for yourself. Do you want a rich dude to take you to the restaurant instead of your guy? Do you want to take yourself to the restaurant? Or do you want to go to a lower-quality restaurant with your man? In other words, do you want to be with a different guy, be by yourself, or be with your man as he is? I know i definitely can't answer that for you. Though i can tell you i would much rather hear about some rich guy taking you to the nice restaurant of your dreams on valentine's day! (And him showing up with a dozen roses and a gift for you)

carmen_b
01-10-2021, 07:52 PM
^ To be honest V-Day reservations you often need to make two weeks or so ahead anyway. So I'd just " remind " him of that or ask if there are any tables he would like you to call and book ( such as the one you have your eye on ). :)


But y'all know me. My little hints and stuff won't work for everyone since I'm the type to kind of lay it out there haha.

carmen_b
01-10-2021, 07:54 PM
Oh Charlies answer is super good too !

Personally I prefer NOT to go out on V-Day.
I know .... weird.
I hate loud / busy though.
I want my early and quiet meals ( if a place isn't quiet I have been know to leave after just an app or drink ).

Possibly an idea. Can he afford more like 4 star maybe on an off peak night ?

Sorry if my info isn't helpful. I am weird with holidays. I don't like the "forced" specialness.

carmen_b
01-10-2021, 08:04 PM
The other factor is that he MIGHT have something in mind.
Forcing him on that nice spot might upset him / cancel out what he is doing.

I get it though that you want a nice evening and want to make sure it is one.

miss.a.p1600
01-10-2021, 08:18 PM
Oh Charlies answer is super good too !

Personally I prefer NOT to go out on V-Day.
I know .... weird.
I hate loud / busy though.
I want my early and quiet meals ( if a place isn't quiet I have been know to leave after just an app or drink ).

Possibly an idea. Can he afford more like 4 star maybe on an off peak night ?

Sorry if my info isn't helpful. I am weird with holidays. I don't like the "forced" specialness.

Good point. I hate the crowds too.

Maybe a 4star the day before & I'll reserve the 5star for say a typical day/happy hour with the ladies.

carmen_b
01-10-2021, 08:21 PM
^ I love day before ! SO much nicer and less crowded. Still a Saturday though ( the 13th ). Maybe even the 12th which is probably what we will do haha .

The 5 star on V-Day could stress him out. Places increase their prices / it is just so blah those days !

miss.a.p1600
01-10-2021, 08:27 PM
Girl, this restaurant issue is like a microcosmic example of the main issue you have with him. I think it's a decision you need to make for yourself. Do you want a rich dude to take you to the restaurant instead of your guy? Do you want to take yourself to the restaurant? Or do you want to go to a lower-quality restaurant with your man? In other words, do you want to be with a different guy, be by yourself, or be with your man as he is? I know i definitely can't answer that for you. Though i can tell you i would much rather hear about some rich guy taking you to the nice restaurant of your dreams on valentine's day! (And him showing up with a dozen roses and a gift for you)

I guess deep down I want my man to comfortably afford to take me to 4-5 star spots at least every now and then.

The place he mentioned is good quality (I looked it up on Yelp) so I don't want to seem like an ingrate. I will admit my hypergamous thoughts kick in and I question what I'm doing here.

*Le sigh*

carmen_b
01-10-2021, 08:28 PM
Maybe just a gentle nudge somewhere higher end on the 12th or 13th. :)

carmen_b
01-10-2021, 08:29 PM
Yelp is fake too / a scam haha. They just delete the good reviews for any business owner who doesn't pay them so it's skewed to whoever pays them.

miss.a.p1600
01-10-2021, 08:29 PM
^ I love day before ! SO much nicer and less crowded. Still a Saturday though ( the 13th ). Maybe even the 12th which is probably what we will do haha .

The 5 star on V-Day could stress him out. Places increase their prices / it is just so blah those days !

Youre right.

On our first date he took me to the steakhouse I wanted and told me I could order anything (although I knew he was was just saying that to please me and would freak out if I started ordering with no limits) - we went during lunch which has more affordable pricing

So maybe if I insisted on this particular restaurant, he'd be willing to go on the 12th during the lunch hours.

charlie61
01-10-2021, 09:43 PM
I guess deep down I want my man to comfortably afford to take me to 4-5 star spots at least every now and then.

The place he mentioned is good quality (I looked it up on Yelp) so I don't want to seem like an ingrate. I will admit my hypergamous thoughts kick in and I question what I'm doing here.

*Le sigh*

Yes, exactly! But i think the bigger question i was hinting at is, do you want HIM to be the one who can afford the 4-5 star experience, do you want to be with ANYONE who can afford that, or would you prefer to be able to buy it yourself, eat alone, and not have to worry about a dude at all, at this time in your life? I don't get the sense from your posts that you want L *specifically* to be the one who can afford that level of luxury. I get the sense that you love that he loves you, and it'd be convenient if he could afford the lifestyle you want (since you've put time and effort into the relationship), but you'd be just as happy if another dude were in your life right now taking you on these excursions.

It's totally possible that I'm wrong. But maybe use this as an opportunity to continue trying to figure out how much more time and energy you want to put into this. You'll blink and it'll be two years from now. We've all been there. What do you want to spend the next few years doing? Investing more into this relationship, with the possibility that he's a deadbeat? Or investing in yourself and possibilities with other guys, with the potential that those relationships will fizzle?

In other words, which risk is more "worth it" to you?


miss.a.p1600
01-10-2021, 10:20 PM
Well my my bio clock is ticking. His is too so it wouldnt be fair to hold each other up if we can’t provide what the other needs. I know it won’t be 2 years more like the next few months to figure it out because my lease ends n I can’t justify moving in with him if he’s not committing to improving financially.

You have a good point that time moves fast and these kinks need to be worked on now or else we will have to part ways.

I suppose I’ll have to really ponder upon those last three questions

carmen_b
01-11-2021, 11:33 AM
All is good in our world except the usual haha.
Sex stuff has been REALLY good lately hahaha.

Plus he is really getting to know my preferences ( I love pre-scheduling activities to look forward to ).

I hate renting that room knowing I have so much open at the AirBnB's always. It's annoys me but it's not ( currently ) a deal breaker. I'm not sure how much it's worth fighting about when it is $500 a month and he probably spends that or close on outings and things for us anyway so it kind of balances out.

^^ Can't I have BOTH though ? :)

At least he has finally figured out the damn world isn't ending by having both daughter and I in the house for an evening. In fact even he will admit now it's a nice break ( when we do that I usually give him a work out hour ) in the day plus easier to entertain her with me and the dog . When I'm there she gets a bonus pet.

We have seamlessly done this SIX WEEKS now.
All we had to do was just do it JUST LIKE I THOUGHT.
I can't believe it's been 6 weeks already since that melt down / letter writing extravaganza .

I am still kind of protective of my ( now ) 2-3 solo nights weekly anyway. :)

carmen_b
01-12-2021, 04:55 PM
^ This really does drive me totally nuts especially when I KNOW there is so much vacancy.
I wonder if he would reconsider this if I PROMISED to cap Feb. at no more than 18 days at his ?

Haha. My friend in Vegas told me I need to be more aggressive about it but I don't know if I have the heart !

He ( this is my gay friend for like 22 years ! ) was just like " C you need to just tell him to try it in Feb. ! He drags his feet but it's the best plan. "
If I don't use that room more than 3 nights this month I'm taking them out of our couple time at month end! I should stay there a week straight " since I paid for it " hahahah ).

Trying to handle delicately haha. I do think he needs some time to adjust to the new days of having his daughter ( which will now always be Sunday 11am to day - Wed. mid day ). The nights he has her now are the more likely nights for vacant AirBnB's too. The slowest days for my AirBnB sales are always Mon and Tues.

carmen_b
01-12-2021, 05:04 PM
I also saved on a Plumber. Dude has FOUR bathrooms and three of them have something wrong with the toilet.

I take pictures of all the parts and send a helper to home depot. My handyman I use for the rentals then comes and fixes ALL three of them in one go with my parts sourced for about 1/3 what a plumber would have charged ( IF they were even honest ) . So I saved him $!

carmen_b
01-16-2021, 09:00 AM
Ski lodge fun ....

GlamLifter
01-16-2021, 10:27 AM
Ski lodge fun ....

Lucky you..

carmen_b
01-16-2021, 02:03 PM
^ WORD. I was very recently cuffed to a log bed.
I just “ got away “ minutes ago hahaha.
No complaints.

miss.a.p1600
01-16-2021, 05:42 PM
Hot!

I’d love to be cuffed to a bed and “forced” to take a vibrator session or really good tongue session

L is so basic with how he does sex though. He’s allegedly never used sex toys (because all whopping 3 of the women he’s fucked allegedly had multiple squirting orgasms from 5 minutes of dick only) and the concept is foreign to him. I had to finally convince him to use a vibrator. In my mind I’m like ˋdamnit I need you to get extra freaky!´ while he’s holding my vibrator like he’s using a screwdriver to change a bolt or something. Acting Like he was going straight to hell for using a sex toy or something.

Le sigh*

miss.a.p1600
01-16-2021, 05:47 PM
L admitted that he never did anything for his ex wife the last few valentines days so he initially wasn’t going to do anything until I brought it up.

He also asked if I wanted to go out on that day or an off peak day. Deep down I want to go on whatever day I want but I knew he was on a budget and said it was okay to go on an off peak day/time.

carmen_b
01-16-2021, 05:58 PM
^ Dom stuff is hot AF to me...

carmen_b
01-16-2021, 05:59 PM
^ Wtf why would he say that ? That he didn’t do anything ?

miss.a.p1600
01-16-2021, 06:38 PM
LOL he’s the king of over sharing in the name of ´transparency´

In my mind I’m like no wonder she stopped fucking because he stopped being romantic or giving af

miss.a.p1600
01-16-2021, 06:44 PM
^ Dom stuff is hot AF to me...

me too! I like when a good guy can dominate.

i most likely will end up being the dominatrix m dominating L - tell his ass EXACTLY what he needs to do to be a good lover cause he needs to be bossed around n ordered around sexually

i need to find one of those leather spanking things. The long stick like thing with a leather piece on the end. What is that called?

i do have some sexy gothic type clothes that could be worn.

But he gone have to work for it lol......

carmen_b
01-16-2021, 07:34 PM
^ A crop.

:)

carmen_b
01-21-2021, 08:30 AM
Great sex last night .

He is making coffee.
I find it very sweet . Haha
To have hot coffee ready .
He has been doing it every day.

Zofia
01-22-2021, 12:22 PM
^ I love day before ! SO much nicer and less crowded. Still a Saturday though ( the 13th ). Maybe even the 12th which is probably what we will do haha .

The 5 star on V-Day could stress him out. Places increase their prices / it is just so blah those days !

I happen to know, because BF copied me on the email, that he has a reservation at my favorite restaurant for Friday, the 12th!!!!! He's going to get verrry lucky later that evening. :-)