View Full Version : 2019 DATING Adventures Thread (2018 continuation)
carmen_b
01-22-2021, 12:31 PM
Right ?!?
So will J :)
Celebrate early AND avoid crowds ?
Win !!!
LoveyDovey
01-23-2021, 10:16 AM
I hate walking around with a broken heart. :*-(
carmen_b
01-23-2021, 01:54 PM
^ Aw ! :(
He was a TURD. What a coward to not reply to you and end it grace / decisiveness.
Idiot.
Men can be weird. My 7 year partner ended us 2.5 years ago in such a cruel way.
He went trolling on FB finding an ex and then basically replacing me while living with me.
Then he tried to pretend their contact was “ unrelated “ to our breakup.
Just sheer torture being confused.
Being straight forward is the kindest thing !!
I mean I had become very depressed and was awful sometimes I’m sure but damn.
I have NEVER just ghosted someone or ignored!
Have some BALLS ( applies to both genders ).
carmen_b
01-25-2021, 11:16 AM
I'm pretty happy overall with the changes we have made over the last 4-6 weeks.
The last two weekends I'm not going to lie have been a bit of a challenge. I would always struggle on his three day weekends before and now these last two have been FOUR day stretches ( Sat morning through Wed morning ). Staying with them on Monday ( I'll be there tonight ) takes the edge off for sure but I'd be a liar if I didn't admit I can't wait till Wed.
It'll all pan out because this weekend we have something in motion ( which I'll be posting about later hahahah if it goes well ) and next weekend ( 10-12 days out ) he promised me another Vegas trip . We get four days together the next two weekends Wed through Sunday morning.
It's been cold as shit and it's affecting my mood. I try to not let it but I get so down in winter. My plan is just to try and hide that as best I can the next 5 weeks. I do SO much to mitigate it but I am struggling despite all this work I do to feel good. We live in the desert and it should be getting better in early March.
carmen_b
01-25-2021, 11:25 AM
I learned a lot about his personality this weekend . We all had a covid scare and had to get tested . What happened was I did the rapid test ( where they stick the thing in your nose haha ) . I knew I was negative within 15 min. !
Both he and daughter wouldn't do it ! Omg . So the schedule hold up was now we know I'M NEGATIVE . His ex was holding onto his daughter one day extra while waiting for the slower test ( cheek swab with a 12-18 hour test turn around ) .
J did horribly with this very small schedule change.
Also ..... about 10 days ago I offered to book us this hotel room 90 minutes out of town to go see this scenic viewpoint that seemed interesting . I wanted to book a room to not need to drive back in the dark. He would't do it spontaneously . It's TOTALLY something I can work with but it really showed me things. If you want to get him out of town or something there has GOT to be advance notice even for small things.
^ I just point it out because I remember when first dating him how impressed I was with his organization / scheduling / general efficiency !
I see it as workable and overall fine but there was also a little piece of me that was like " oh, I remember times I bought plane tickets for the NEXT day ".
miss.a.p1600
01-25-2021, 01:08 PM
L took me to a nice restaurant this past week
Then to the market and we tried some different cultures food
I’m glad he took initiative to go somewhere and have a good time.
The topic of houses did come up. Which has been a sore point and maybe even a dealbreaker if we don’t get on same page. I refuse to live with/marry unless the finances are moving up.
carmen_b
01-25-2021, 08:23 PM
I had this talk already with myself seeing this pattern that I do.
Anytime I sleep alone on night #3 I get in a phase where I think " I will break it off in the morning " a lot throughout the evening !
Tonight is that night #3 ( I didn't sleep there because his daughter wasn't feeling well and I didn't want to press it you know ).
It's a VERY rare exception as I don't think I've been alone three nights in a row in probably 8 weeks .
I had a nice 4:30 - 7:30 visit with them.
I have the nice AirBnB to myself too . Like ..... this is so obviously MY problem . I see the pattern and hopefully will maintain.
I can distract myself with some TV .
I will bring this up with therapist first BEFORE doing anything or doing any bitching. ;/
I don't have these thoughts if I'm out of town / traveling .
I get into these patterns if it's " normal life " and I'm on night #3 alone.
I took good care of myself in prep for this visit and THAT made me feel good anyway.
I shaved , did pedi , did makeup. Feeling good is good in it's own right.
I'm trying to STAY positive but I feel " meh " right now. Thank god it's like 15 minutes to bed time for me.
Like ...... I have an urge to just call and end it at a " 9 " out of 10 type scale. But I know I would regret it ( probably ? ) in morning.
;/
carmen_b
01-25-2021, 10:34 PM
He is texting right now ( 10:15 p.m. ) and it's probably just wise to pretend I've gone to bed . :/
carmen_b
01-26-2021, 01:27 AM
Well damn now it’s 1:30 a.m and I’m having the hardest time sleeping.
Yuck !!!
miss.a.p1600
01-26-2021, 07:01 AM
So you guys spend 4 nights together then 3 nights separately?
Yeah I’m thinking of telling L to cancel or Valentine’s date. He made reservations at his favorite upscale restaurant. Only to discover they have a specific menu for that day which is $99 per person.
Unless he saved up, he’s probably going to be too cheap to do it. And with him being in 75% of his income from medical leave, taking forever to go back to work when he was perfectly fine the past 2+ weeks, and complaining several times his check was short, I’m probably just tell him nevermind.
I wish he was in a more financially abundant mindset
carmen_b
01-26-2021, 08:25 AM
^ His 50% split is Wed - Sunday morning ( us ) then daughter Sun - Wed morning.
There are 1-2 times in the month he would have her beginning on Sat giving them 4 days in a row.
It’s actually an easier schedule than his prior 2-2-3 thing but I am realizing it now that it doesn’t give us a full weekend.
I think another thing that got to me is that I was kind of living for “ our “ 4 days in a row last weekend. Then he changed it ( without asking me ) since my family was in town . I see what he was doing by giving my nephew and his daughter time but I honestly didn’t want the change ( or I would have liked to be asked first ). He also was setting us for two four day blocks for us in a row next .
So now we have Wed - Sunday morning in a row two weeks .
Typically I’d stay there Monday ( 1 night in his daughters three day ) .
I can probably hang as that is a lot of *upcoming* time but I was very unhappy yesterday and still am this morning.
I feel like he went back on our agreement of not leaving me alone for long periods.
I was up until 2:30 a.m. stressing out and it’s only 8:30 am . I refuse to let it affect my work day so off to coffee.
carmen_b
01-26-2021, 08:27 AM
^ Miss P : It sounds like he reserved it so it seems like he is planning to spend the $250 ish ( figuring in tax / tip )? Why get “ pre “ upset with him ?
I don’t know. We don’t see quite eye to eye here maybe because to me there are such nice meals to be had for like $100 ish ( two people ) .
charlie61
01-26-2021, 09:55 AM
^ Miss P : It sounds like he reserved it so it seems like he is planning to spend the $250 ish ( figuring in tax / tip )? Why get “ pre “ upset with him ?
I don’t know. We don’t see quite eye to eye here maybe because to me there are such nice meals to be had for like $100 ish ( two people ) .
Yeah, she's looking for a different type of relationship. I'd honestly be horrified if my partner spent $100 each on a dinner...i wouldn't even enjoy that. Would much rather get takeout and eat it at a park or something, lol! We're all very different, and there's nothing wrong with that. Miss P is objecting to his approach to his finances - the dinner is just one example of how different she is from L when it comes to financial mindset and goals.
carmen_b
01-26-2021, 10:09 AM
^ Yeah I totally see that !
I was just pointing out like “ I’ve had great dinners $50-$80 range “ haha.
Nothing wrong with a pre-game drink at home either to save $20! Lol
My partner feeds me well ( important to me ) but we don’t spend crazy “ splurge “ type amounts .
I think $100 for two is the most and those meals were amazing.
I totally get that it’s more about just wanting “ no “ spending cap on a special occasion meal .
carmen_b
01-26-2021, 10:11 AM
I better treat myself to the best coffee place in town and just let things “ settle “ today.
On one hand I did say if I was sleeping alone a lot ( not sleeping next to my partner 4-5 days a week ) that it was non-monogamous only. On the other ... eh ... it was one day after like 8 weeks of decent changes.
I ended up telling him I was upset a few minutes ago . I’ll at least listen to any ideas or suggestions he has.
miss.a.p1600
01-26-2021, 10:11 AM
^ Miss P : It sounds like he reserved it so it seems like he is planning to spend the $250 ish ( figuring in tax / tip )? Why get “ pre “ upset with him ?
I don’t know. We don’t see quite eye to eye here maybe because to me there are such nice meals to be had for like $100 ish ( two people ) .
well yeah honestly I figured it’s too much for the average guy. So I wasn’t expecting him to do that.
I suppose my petty annoyance is I’d want to go nice places and not have to think about “damn is that too expensive for him?” He made sure to bring up “oh my check is short” and “oh that place we wanted it’s $99/person”
He constantly talks about money (he’s too transparent sometimes) and often times it’s not in a good way (to the point it makes me think like how tf can you think about wanting another kid, marrying, buying a home when it seems like you need to focus on the current).
Yeah, she's looking for a different type of relationship. I'd honestly be horrified if my partner spent $100 each on a dinner...i wouldn't even enjoy that. Would much rather get takeout and eat it at a park or something, lol! We're all very different, and there's nothing wrong with that. Miss P is objecting to his approach to his finances - the dinner is just one example of how different she is from L when it comes to financial mindset and goals.
yes I’d be horrified if my partner spent $100 on ONE meal knowing he had other more pressing priorities like rent, utilities, etc. or if it was way outside his budget just to impress me or increase the chances of getting/expecting to get laid later
i do think the $99/pp is out of his budget based on his recent rants about money
He offered a plan b which is to get some food from this catering company and cook it at his place.
miss.a.p1600
01-26-2021, 10:19 AM
^ Yeah I totally see that !
I was just pointing out like “ I’ve had great dinners $50-$80 range “ haha.
Nothing wrong with a pre-game drink at home either to save $20! Lol
My partner feeds me well ( important to me ) but we don’t spend crazy “ splurge “ type amounts .
I think $100 for two is the most and those meals were amazing.
I totally get that it’s more about just wanting “ no “ spending cap on a special occasion meal .
yes. I guess every now and then I want to just relax about the financial restrictions. (Wisely of course)
I am realizing that L is a bit limited with his finances and even his thinking is kind of rigid as well. For example He invests in a 401k at work but just ignores it and doesn’t learn how to invest on his own. He’d rather park his extra money in a savings earning 1% or whatever low rate than learn to invest and get a much better rate or return.
I guess I should just focus on improving myself, being attractive to men, vs ranting about what he needs to improve upon lol
carmen_b
01-26-2021, 10:23 AM
^ Or honestly ... consider leaving.
It’s just a *consideration* at this point. Kind of sit with it for 24 hours and see what you’d do / how things would look .
miss.a.p1600
01-26-2021, 10:49 AM
^i have thought about it
I feel like I’m at a stuck point sometimes. Because he does lay on the verbal affection pretty heavy which is good if things are good but it makes me feel guilty of things arent going smoothly for me.
Like he provides the emotional connection most men (I’ve encountered) aren’t capable of. He’s a great friend. The downside is his current job doesn’t support the lifestyle I want and he’s very limited in his sexual repertoire/doesn’t take direction well on doing things that increase my sexual desire.
I may need to have another talk with him
carmen_b
01-26-2021, 11:39 AM
^ Well I suggested counseling before and I guess I would still suggest it. Otherwise it could create a trend of not actively creating what you want.
charlie61
01-26-2021, 11:48 AM
^i have thought about it
I feel like I’m at a stuck point sometimes. Because he does lay on the verbal affection pretty heavy which is good if things are good but it makes me feel guilty of things arent going smoothly for me.
Like he provides the emotional connection most men (I’ve encountered) aren’t capable of. He’s a great friend. The downside is his current job doesn’t support the lifestyle I want and he’s very limited in his sexual repertoire/doesn’t take direction well on doing things that increase my sexual desire.
I may need to have another talk with him
I think you just hit the nail on the head. "He's a great FRIEND."
carmen_b
01-26-2021, 11:50 AM
Hmmmm something to THAT maybe ! ^
carmen_b
01-26-2021, 11:52 AM
Ok .... well it's Noon now and I've had coffee and calmed.
I'm sticking to my guns on this one though.
*I* ( personally ) won't be sleeping alone three nights in a row anymore.
I don't expect to change my mind about it.
1-2 alone is totally reasonable and kind of gives a fun " refresh ".
I don't know maybe I'm the one with the problem hahaha.
He DID make the change I asked for seamlessly over 8 weeks.
On the other hand WTF ..... I'll bet there is a 95% chance she didn't need ANYTHING over the night.
We all had dinner together and she was fine.
He uninvited me over this slim chance of her waking up ( if she did I could have simply gone downstairs ).
It's his weird guilt thing POPPING up.
carmen_b
01-26-2021, 02:28 PM
Now that I admit “ I’m unhappy “ ect. via text it’s now fine to just stay lol.
Um thanks .... when I already left my dog and overnight bag at my AirBnB 30 minutes away ?
I mean I am very unhappy with this so I am not going to wander around pretending I’m fine.
carmen_b
01-26-2021, 02:48 PM
A good person to bring up the idea of sleeping alone three nights in a row with is ... well ... anyone except for me.
miss.a.p1600
01-26-2021, 06:30 PM
^ Well I suggested counseling before and I guess I would still suggest it. Otherwise it could create a trend of not actively creating what you want.
I totally agree.
I have to keep reminding myself to simply focus on MYSELF and my own self-improvement vs harping on and on about someone else improving.
I suppose it’s like Charlie mentioned the Valentine’s Day planning kind of triggered these underlying thoughts.
carmen_b
01-27-2021, 08:52 AM
I took my most extensive ramble down but it's a rough spot no doubt !
I guess I would say I approved that change to give up last Sat. ( in order for my nephew and daughter to see each other ).
I definitely didn't agree with not staying on Monday.
He made it up on Tues ( I stayed so at least not 4 nights in a row ).
Now today ( yeah there is more omg ) the ex is claiming a " mental health crisis " and hopes we can take the daughter today too. We were supposed to have Wed morning to Sunday together the next two weeks.
^ I kind of hope it just magically fixes itself like hopefully the ex will surface and come get her in the afternoon. I can't just demand that we DON'T take her ( especially if the ex is really experiencing an episode where she can't care for her ).
Anyway ..... if I can just hang in without completely losing my shit I think the next two weeks will be good. We haven't had enough " us " time but we should have it *upcoming*. Maybe the ex could split the " mental health crisis day " with us. Like ..... can we have her in the day while you have your crisis but you get her at 4-5p.m. ? Ha. I am trying to stay positive because i think it's a 50/50 she might come get her later . ;/
carmen_b
01-27-2021, 04:03 PM
^ I feel SO disappointed !
The ex seems like she won't get her even 6 or 7 p.m.
I think he did what he could on it .
I asked him to circle with her in late afternoon to see if an evening pick up was possible.
I wanted to make sure he wasn't just handing our pre-planned evenings away like candy ( and that it is an actual emergency ).
I guess it's not *too* bad . I think she has only done this once before in the last few months. Before that I don't remember or I forgot if there was a schedule flaw going months back.
carmen_b
01-27-2021, 04:17 PM
It's the third schedule change ( giving up last Sat. , THEN losing Monday night but staying Tues. instead ).
Now tonight the ex says she can't handle parenting today.
lurkingtitties
01-27-2021, 04:52 PM
Things have been going better with Mr Ghana! Def was rocky for a while but I think we’re finally smoothing things out.
Last week we had some silly drama but I ultimately played it to my advantage. I made a teasing comment at the beginning of the week about him having a side chick. Which is hilarious to me because he’s very clearly not that kind of guy so I can joke about it without any worries in the back of my mind. Somehow the conversation turned to me having a side guy, and then all week he was giving me crap about it! Finally on Saturday I sent him a tasteful nude that I’d taken last summer and it escalated into a whole argument where he was totally convinced that I was talking to/sending pics to multiple guys.
I finally had enough and told him that if he was going to act like that it was time to have a conversation about officially being bf/gf. He backpedaled after that, and did the same thing I’ve seen him do several times now where he tries to tell me that it’s over by text message. It’s happened enough times now that I was like naw son, and called him several times until he picked up lol. We ended up talking for an hour and both aired some grievances. He still wouldn’t commit to the official title...he did randomly text me the next day that his grandma thinks I’m good for him, so I guess he knew he was being an idiot.
So yesterday he started talking all kinds of shit because he beat me at scrabble recently, and wanted to know what my mom thought about it. I told him I hadn’t told her and he insisted I tell her and report back (he wants my parents to know how smart he is). She didn’t have an opinion but thought it was cute that he wanted her approval. Then I told her the whole story from the previous 2 paragraphs. Her response...”wait you guys ARENT bf/gf? Do I have to give him a stern talking to about his intentions toward my daughter?”
I met up with him later that night and told him what my mom said. Also told him that caring what my mom thinks about him beating me at scrabble is some boyfriend shit. I could tell he took it to heart...we had some good convos about our future goals and whatnot.
I’m not even super pressed about the title as it’s still pretty early, but I really feel like I handled the situation like a boss!
carmen_b
01-27-2021, 05:12 PM
^ Wait it is less than 6 weeks or so right ? Yeah maybe not *quite* yet on bf label but probably soon !
I still hate how J and I became gf / bf . The reason I hate it is that I really like to " lead with intention " in my self work ect. !
I wanted us to consciously do this TOGETHER ( lead things in that direction ).
Back in early May when he " wasn't sure about the label " and I said OK I'M DONE and leaving IN AN HOUR. I remember him taking a 1/2 tab of LSD just a few hours earlier and I KNEW he needed a babysitter 3 more hours but I wasn't going to even give him even another HOUR of my time ( despite his altered state ). Then all of a sudden he was wanting to go to dinner and two hours later he was sure lol. I do hate the story and will probably modify it if I ever tell it outside this site.
^ Like ..... how do you tell your conservative family that weird story hahaha ?
lurkingtitties
01-27-2021, 05:12 PM
Also last night we were talking and he told me he didn’t lose his virginity until he was 20!!! I asked him how that happened and he said he was too busy with school, sports, and church. We are sooooo different...
lurkingtitties
01-27-2021, 05:14 PM
^ Wait it is less than 6 weeks or so right ? Yeah maybe not *quite* yet on bf label but probably soon !
About 6 weeks, yes. Like I said I wasn’t concerned about it at all before this happened...my last relationship moved way too quickly so it’s important to me not to make the same mistake twice. But with the way he was acting I decided to put him on the spot.
carmen_b
01-27-2021, 05:33 PM
^ I'm so curious how your scheduling goes. Do you guys see each other during the week long kid visits or do you just kind of wait till the non kid times ?
As you can see I have struggled like hell the last few days but tomorrow morning will be better. :)
carmen_b
01-27-2021, 08:38 PM
Now it’s 8:40 so I guess I made it. :/
Sorry for all the rambling ! I guess we made it now and have two extra days on our Roster ( last Sat and today were the ex’s nights ). It doesn’t seem “ real “ ( the extras ). I’m struggling with seasonal depression issues and had a hard time with the ex needing us two extra days.
Count me in there I guess in the “ can’t deal with schedule changes “ .
carmen_b
01-28-2021, 09:08 AM
Maybe I er sometimes on the speaking up for myself too early.
I think as women people can expect us to not speak up.
I DO speak up if I sense sometime wrong. I want to be aware of not over-doing it.
I asked him to mitigate things and not give any more evenings away ( if at all possible ).
Now I'm realizing if I wouldn't have been in town I could have missed all this disorganization . ;/
carmen_b
01-28-2021, 04:28 PM
When I get touch starved an anger ball starts.
My partner gave me a lot of loving touch yesterday ( we don’t want the anger ball ).
No sex just touch to get me feeling connected .
charlie61
02-04-2021, 04:31 PM
Thinking about you ladies! ♡
carmen_b
02-06-2021, 03:51 PM
Well we are talking more openly about the moving in type of idea and completed first counseling session.
It's certainly a hard decision to make ( whether I can stand to continue this wait ).
On one hand ...... it's a pretty decent life and I'm with him about 5 days a week these days ( one is an overnight with daughter there ).
So ..... that's A LOT of incorporation and time. Plus I get two solo days.
The schedule his back to being ON POINT.
^ His ex tried to make a schedule change and he DIDN'T ALLOW IT .
I want precision ( unless emergency of course ) and he listened to that request.
It isn't *quite* what I'd like things to look at 10.5 months ( now ) or 11 months ( end of month ) but it is pretty close.
Lately it's more just dealing with these feelings of " I fought SO hard to have this now do I even WANT it ?"
I think ultimately I could decide to " leave " and he would move me in ( he always caves when threatened with lonely nights ) but it seemed inauthentic.
I opted NOT to do it.
That is where we are at with it. He knows I'm strongly considering leaving but he is still at the " maybe in two months " idea frame and I'd prefer a few weeks type of frame.
charlie61
02-06-2021, 03:55 PM
^ Glad to hear the update! And I'm glad you're trying to answer some of those bigger questions, too. If not for the pandemic / quarantine, would you even be with this guy? Do you want the milestone more than the guy himself? Moving in is a big commitment, and I'm so curious how things will change for you when quarantine ends (can he keep up with your spontaneous lifestyle and preferences?).
carmen_b
02-06-2021, 03:58 PM
^ I actually crave the STABILITY now. I've done the travel thing and lived away from my family a long time ( 5 years in Hawaii ) .
At least my family is 4 hours north of us. I still see them monthly. I'm considering even more time in their area when it's warmer.
I'd totally be with him ! Think super techy high earning engineer . Also guitar playing haha. I play drums and we play together a lot.
If the world was normal we would go to live shows every week probably.
I can't leave now. He made me a driver profile in his Tesla. Lol.
Another thing we chatted about was that even though his schedule is 50% gone ( fatherhood ) that I don't want that being a factor of me giving up creative projects . I want to bring back some of those things onto my schedule . I'll try to do these often WHEN he has daughter but I won't eliminate a day from these adventures anymore just because it would " cut " a non-kid day out .
The overnight one day a week when daughter is here is going GREAT but he still feels strongly about having two evenings a week to themselves ( which makes some sense ). He offered a lot of verbal support in terms of being IN and wanting to go FORWARD but it's tricky because I feel like he could be wasting my time. I will feel that at some level at every " pain point " we have which is part of this deal I guess.
To me the AirBnB's provide enough " space " and alone time. To him they ( at least currently ) do not because he worries it won't be EVERY Sun. and Tues.
We got some things out in the air such as he just RECENTLY learned I was financially struggling. I though it was more obvious but I guess I hid it very well. He didn't realize I didn't get a profit amount per month from the AirBnB's ( at this point we just want to pay them off so it ALL goes to that goal ). He didn't realize I *had* a savings account NINE months ago and times are now very lean. This is probably because you don't wear this info on your sleeve. He hid some things about his struggles with daughter too ( she is high maintenance in the evening and he works on things but it's a process ).
carmen_b
02-06-2021, 04:03 PM
I'm also getting more serious about a nice condo here.
I'd consider it if he were not a factor too.
I want to do something very specific which is transfer the equity that I have in a traditional rental into a short term one ( nightly permitted type rental ). The earnings capacity for those is higher. It takes work ( I can vouch from the other two I co-own ) but it also could fall under my same " umbrella" for systems ( same cleaning protocols , same handymen , ect.)
I would intend to live there at first but I want the OPTION of renting it short term if I wanted ( managing remotely if I wasn't here ).
^ I like the idea of going forward and making my next " big move " real estate wise soon rather than just waiting to see what he is doing.
carmen_b
02-08-2021, 12:27 PM
I wanted to give it a couple days after our therapy appointment to let things settle.
Things are not feeling *great* for me.
I have a rough plan to sell my property and buy here in the desert but that is going to take until May.
My renters have a Nov. 1 - end of April lease.
While *I* don't really see a great benefit to giving my room mates this $500 a month after the end of this month ( I'd rather give it to J to contribute to his expenses there ) ........ it's where things have landed for now. I was hoping I'd feel better about it and be seeing a more clear bright side. I feel disappointed.
5 days a week IS different than 7 ( minus when the AirBnB's are open ) so I kind of need to accept that is just where he is at the moment. On those two days when I'm away he is fine with me seeing his daughter in day time too ! WHY not just FULLY include me then ? Ugh. Ok rant over.
I need to talk to my own therapist about this but it's been hard to get an appt . It’s just really frustrating to always have the “ I’m ready and he isn’t “ dynamic.
carmen_b
02-09-2021, 01:54 PM
Im having a better outlook today.
I’m not sure it’s worth fighting about those 5-10 pm Sun / Tues time frames anymore.
I decided to restructure how Im dealing with that and plan activities for myself like a nice meal out or something else to go do.
There is such a limitation ( it’s harder these days to get friends to join for meals and outings ) . I’ll try to be proactive with that time.
If I claim it as MY time I’ll be less likely to just pout or get angry.
If I just cut the pouting off at the tail it’s probably the ideal way to go forward.
Plus I'd like to report back FUN adventures instead of bitching !
carmen_b
02-09-2021, 06:32 PM
I’m also adding a 1/2 edible to each night here ( at the room mate house ).
I like to keep my use to just 2 10mg a week.
This keeps my tolerance low.
I will do this half dose temporarily the next few nights and see what I think.
It should kick in at 8:30. :)
carmen_b
02-12-2021, 04:23 PM
I'm proud of us for sticking with therapy !
Unfortunately this session today ( first session with a new person we tried ) just left us both feeling " yuck ".
It just wasn't the right fit.
I tried to find us a cheaper option because the first person was $125 !
How in the world do counselors justify NOT taking insurance ?
A $10 co-pay for a session that left us both feeling yucky isn't a great solution either. :(
It can be HARD to find a good fit so if you are going through this with your partner start sooner rather than later.
Now we have to circle back and actually discuss things with each other. He expressed concerns of still feeling " high stress " during the one sleep over a week when daughter and I are both here. THAT is pretty concerning. We have incorporated me here one night a week almost 12 weeks now. This type of blending is normal and should be smooth. Our experiences together ( all three of us here ) are smooth when it's happening but if there is stress for HIM that isn't great.
carmen_b
02-12-2021, 04:34 PM
I'm considering talking more openly ( undecided though ! ) about how he feels about this " less successful " version of me that he is getting.
I just wonder if things would be different if my business was in normal operation. I think he might not be valuing me quite accurately in partnership terms because he has only know this " Corona survivor " business owner. He hasn't really met the old one where things were in full operation , more smooth, more money ect. !
^ How can this element NOT affect things somewhat? One persons financial life was heavily affected the last 10.5 months and one persons was not. We can not be the only couple with this issue in the current times. It's probably quite common.
He does say that process of me living in the vacant AirBnB's caused a unique stress. That WAS TRUE in Sept. and Oct. I'd say ( since we were starting to get bookings about then ) but I did that March - Oct. to survive these weird times. Why WOULDN'T you live for free-ish for 7 months in very weird times if you HAD the option?
I think my struggles are hard for him to talk about and acknowledge.
He doesn't want to know all these gritty details of how difficult this year was but now in this process these details are transparent.
carmen_b
02-12-2021, 04:44 PM
I may have made a mistake with the property up North.
I had the option to sell in Nov. and then I panicked and put a renter in there instead. ;/
I have already seen 3 homes down here that would have worked just fine for me and little doggie. Maybe this whole being " forced " to not sell until May will get me SUPER ready to do it haha.
^ I do take responsibility for that as it was my call. I would need to SELL first in order to bring the mortgage down enough to be able to live alone. That is just where I am with it. As much as I'd like to just buy another outright it would be irresponsible of me. I only want to do that if I can be living alone without a fear of a mortgage being too high.
carmen_b
02-12-2021, 07:34 PM
One thing that is quite tricky is he references his daughters issues at night.
I don't know how much she " needs " the extra help and how much is never getting that boundary started ( staying in your room and not calling out for a parent ). I am not even going to go there because I know there is *some* special needs surrounding it. He says she has night terrors. It seems like you can't even bring this up with parents ! Like ..... one way to look at it is that she is high maintenance at night because YOU ALLOW it.
Or at least soon ( at age 8 ) it should be something you start to explain she is expected to do.
At any rate she seems to be getting much better . In three months of me being here once a week with her she has only had one rough night in there and goes to bed usually at a normal time ( 8:45 or so ).
carmen_b
02-13-2021, 10:35 AM
^ I'll probably delete half of that .
I know we have a pretty good routine ( me here 5 days a week - ish ) .
I’m OFTEN ok with it.
I wish I felt 100% comfy.
I just still feel blocked if that makes sense.
It just doesn't make a lot of sense to ME to not live together at 11 months ( coming up at end of the month). I'm trying to be patient and work with him but I don't think I'll get that transition like I was hoping in a couple weeks.
I was really hoping he would change his mind but he is sticking to this " my daughter can't do this right now " thing which might be accurate !
I'll try to stick it out a couple more weeks and see where things go.
My take is kind of :
" How we will know if it will work or won't if we don't TRY it ? "