View Full Version : 2019 DATING Adventures Thread (2018 continuation)
carmen_b
07-10-2019, 10:49 AM
^ Um ..... yeah.........delicious.
Without being overly crass, lets just say this dude made a bad week into a great one.
East Coast / Bar Industry J is a great lover.
We went to a brewery and had a great conversation about our ( former ) church background messing us up all throughout our teens / 20's . We went back to my place to prove we are not sexually repressed.
I like him. I want to post more details but I'm trying to be a lady.
;)
Guilt might kick in later but for now I am just so physically satisfied and happy about this.
He REALLY took care of me.
On a scale of 1-10 ( 10 being bad ) how bad does it seem that I did this ? I would rate it a 2 based on the behavior of not taking care of me at all this week. I also gave fair warning . I'm wondering now if it's worse.
JessaJade
07-10-2019, 04:50 PM
^ I think it's 1.
It seems as if you've made a lot of effort to be open and communicative with guys you've been dating, and given plenty of chances and opportunities for them to take action... if they aren't willing or capable of responding or behaving in kind, whatever you then decide to do in your own time is up to you.
lurkingtitties
07-10-2019, 07:08 PM
Carmen did he ever respond to the text you sent about your sexual needs?
carmen_b
07-10-2019, 07:43 PM
^ That's a great question.
No, he didn't. He said " Call city xyz and tell them to arrange another trash pick up day ".
He seemed very concerned about this task at his moms.
Let's see..... then we didn't talk about 24 hours.
Then last night ( while on the other date ) he texted " did you have a good day today ? ".
I wrote him back this morning and said that I had a good day.
I think something to point out here is that there is also some sort of sexual mismatch. He might be disappointed.
I think the first time was ok , the 2nd encounter was akward ( that's the one where he didn't seem to hear my requests about the panties thing again .... I like them on and to be touched through fabric at least for a bit ). The third time was sex together the first time. I felt like we would finally have the nerves out of the way and it was " just ok ". I think he's finally clear now on how I come lol ( with the dexterity of fingers ..... very rarely with a dick ) after the THIRD encounter.
Mr. NY I think could be a relationship candidate but my intuition tells me more like FWB. I was holding off on the sex and he asked me why / if there was a specific reason. Honestly, he blew my mind on the sex thing. He reads signals incredibly well and is this skinny 5'8''-5'9'' guy who has a giant dick. Trying to be a lady and leave some deets out but wow. I could not have rung up a male escort and had a better experience. He was pleased to discover my squirting. I'm not ruling anything out. He might not have me in the " potential gf " basket anymore. Gonna wing it there.
Anyway .... my guilt has faded because I did send the " bf " that warning message on Monday about how I won't do monogamy if sexual stuff is only offered once a week . He didn't exactly swoop in to take care of me. He texted updates of improvements he did to his truck today. It seems he has had time for that ( chose not to wait on that when I'm out of town ).
lurkingtitties
07-10-2019, 08:20 PM
Yeah the biggest dick I ever had was attached to a 5’8 dude!
carmen_b
07-10-2019, 08:49 PM
^ High Fives !
I knew it was big from our handjob adventure a few weeks ago .
It was " whoa ..... now we know where all the meat on him is" .
Anyway ..... if the " bf " resurfaces with an invite I will consider it . If he is doing something sketchy I realized that actually could be part of my " draw " ...... I'm only in town about 60% of the time. Perhaps I was picked intentionally. I don't think I really care. If I only had one evening open for example when I return .... I know which of these two I'd like to spend time with first. ;)
carmen_b
07-11-2019, 03:24 PM
I might go to that address I have tomorrow....
I’ll be within 2 miles.
carmen_b
07-11-2019, 08:51 PM
I expanded my age range on Tinder and clicked a few nice looking 50's gents.
I think I assumed they would write me and offer the sd / sb thing right away. Lol.
Now I am just grossed out by the messages .
One said something like " are you looking or long term ? I'm just hoping for dinner , a night out, and if we click maybe more. "
I don't think I have the energy. Ugh. ;/
One was just sending normal " how is your day ? " messages.
I think I was expecting both to be like " Hello, my delightful princess , how can I spoil you this weekend ? " .
carmen_b
07-11-2019, 09:45 PM
It's impractical right now to ask Mr East Coast over again ( lol , only two days later ) ........... so I'll just have memories of that delicious experience to hold me over this week I guess.
miss.a.p1600
07-12-2019, 05:31 PM
Thought the old dude was going to ask me out this weekend. The only thing that kinda frustrates me is he waits till last minute. And sometimes he acts like scary and insecure or something. Like dude just call me wtf
Cotdamn! Sometimes I feel like I gotta do the mans role these mfs don’t be taking action.
Anyways my guy I’ve known from college had his birthday and I should do something for him but i don’t feel like spending any unnecessary money right now. And i know he’ll want me to buy him some drinks. It would be nice to turn it around and get him to spend on me for his birthday. I should tell him to meet me at the adult toy store and buy me a vibrator and watch me use it - that could be his birthday gift lol but that might be relationship type thing. Idk. I have no idea what guys might like to do that doesn’t cost a lot
miss.a.p1600
07-12-2019, 05:31 PM
I REALLY gotta get a new roster
miss.a.p1600
07-12-2019, 05:32 PM
I might go to that address I have tomorrow....
I’ll be within 2 miles.
What did you end up doing?
lurkingtitties
07-12-2019, 05:56 PM
What did you end up doing?
I've been on the edge of my seat all day!
carmen_b
07-12-2019, 09:42 PM
I WENT THERE !
Found the address . He works till 7 p.m. , I went at 5:55 p.m. and lightly knocked.
Looked for signs of " girl " stuff. No welcome mat / no wreath or cute sign on door .
No one home. No answer . Rung bell and harder knock to be sure.
The only thing that seemed a little off was I was expecting the dog to bark ( he does .... at everything ) so he must have had his dog with him.
Background check is back . Not married. Divorced when he said he was ( forever ago ).
Home sold when he said it was. Work history lines up with what he told me.
carmen_b
07-12-2019, 09:59 PM
Lets say that I HAD found something ...... basically ........if he was with another partner ........ I would actually consider the sex we had non-consensual.
We established the relationship about two weeks ago - he is the one who brought up the idea!
If he lied to me ..... I would have pressed charges. I was prepared to do that today when I was there if I found him living with someone.
That is why I changed my mind to " Ok .... lets see if there is something here " .
carmen_b
07-12-2019, 10:04 PM
I should explain something else about him too. Something I admired ( but I now see will lead to incompatibility ).
He has a plan to semi - retire at 45 ( in 5 years ) .
His plan is pretty solid. I will not be able to bond with someone who only has time for me once a week even though his life plan is very admirable.
The other one ( Mr. East Coast ) ....... well ........ he throws down and satisfies.
We are both traveling ( in opposite directions ) the next 6-7 days. He seems like a nice person who may be up for more get togethers but I am not sure where it will go. I'm open to seeing him again for sure. He is the the one I talked about a bit ago who has the goal to see all the national parks ( my goal too ) ! We are each checking another off this weekend ( just different ones ! ) .
carmen_b
07-13-2019, 10:01 AM
Next day ............ damn .... after a nights sleep ........ I hate the " bf " guy SO MUCH !
Get someones hopes up only to let down in so many ways ?
I am SO grossed out by him and will not see him again.
I don’t even want to have the convo of “ If you are my bf the last 10-11 days why have I only had sex once with you ?!? “. Lol
For the record .... he texts or calls every day. To him there is nothing wrong I think. Omg
**Dying of being embarrassed but going to leave my story up. Maybe it will help someone else !!**
lurkingtitties
07-13-2019, 10:18 AM
Yeah I think it’s for the best to let him know you wanna call things off. You’ve put so much energy into this. Time to move on.
A few years back I very briefly dated a guy who was sort of similar. Hot and cold with the sweet messages and enthusiasm about hanging out followed by disappearing/not answering my texts for a couple days at a time. Saying he works sooo much and needs time to introvert. It messed me up in the head too for a couple weeks and I ended up finally telling him over text that he had disappointed me on every level. Which of course he told me was “unwarranted “. I kind of felt the way you do now-torn between embarrassment that I lost my temper and smug satisfaction that I had told it to him like it is when he clearly would rather pretend he didn’t do anything wrong.
carmen_b
07-13-2019, 10:30 AM
24 hours into ignoring his communication and it feels fantastic !!
I will give it a few days ..... make him sweat a little ( if he even will ) to reply / officially end it or maybe just ignore for more.
I feel like I'm the only honest and transparent person dating in my city sometimes.
charlie61
07-13-2019, 05:52 PM
51584
AChildOfBoredom
07-13-2019, 06:14 PM
The equestrian center has a formal dance every year, and all the equestrian center employees have to attend. While I’m not employed by the equestrian center, I am involved with it, so I have to go. And I think maybe I rejected a guy who was trying to ask me to go to it with him a little too harshly.
He came into the shop to talk to me - which was really surprising, because he’s kinda too much of a prettyboy type to really go in there, and starts talking to me while I’m replacing an oil pan gasket on a dump truck. So I needed a tool that was out of reach and asked him if he’d hand it to me. He saw it, said something like, “there’s oil on it, I need a rag to pick it up with”, so I came out from under the truck, grabbed it myself and said, “that’s okay, I’ll do it myself if you’re too pretty to. Wouldn’t want you to get your fucking hands dirty”. He left at that point, more or less with his tail between his legs. And one of the other techs shouted, “oh, shit! Stonewall claims another victim!”. I hope he doesn’t come back into the shop again. These guys are like sharks smelling blood in the water… after that, they will fuck with him mercilessly.
I would’ve turned him down either way, but I kinda feel bad for how I did it.
lurkingtitties
07-13-2019, 07:48 PM
Damn Charlie that speaks to my life right now thank you
charlie61
07-13-2019, 09:16 PM
Yeah, i saw that meme a few weeks ago and was like, damn! Truth.
lurkingtitties
07-14-2019, 03:00 PM
I think if you’re at a point where you no longer want to contact him then yes you can ignore. I said before that I think you should tell him for your sake not his. He def deserves to get ignored!
carmen_b
07-14-2019, 03:13 PM
^ I like that way of thinking about it. Yes ..... I do want to kind of put it out there how disappointed I was.
I want to see what he says when I openly confront him with the question " how did you think it made me feel to be sexually ignored for a week when I was flat out asking for some attention ?".
I think he might be embarrassed about the half hard boner thing . I don't even know what it takes to fix it. I have never encountered it. It could be so many things ( none of which we could fix if we don't talk about it ). Besides ..... if you bring hands or a tounge in it matters less ( he didn't seem to think of that ).
miss.a.p1600
07-14-2019, 06:37 PM
Gotta stay strong. Coming up on 48 hours no communication.
He's only sent a couple things . Would you guys just do the ignore thing or give a clean break ( he doesn't deserve it in my opinion but I try to stay very honest in dating ).
Taking a break.
I think you should continue your efforts of being honest. Too much ignoring n ghosting n games these days.
carmen_b
07-14-2019, 07:22 PM
^ Cool. Vote noted.
He's such a snooze fest. How could I not have seen this before ( oh yeah, trying to get laid and losing my mind over it lol ). Yawn. Complaints about being tired ( ya think working a totally unhealthy schedule ?).
carmen_b
07-14-2019, 07:37 PM
I am creating my own fun in this area ( facial booked tomorrow ). I'll probably do a nice dinner too tonight.
I don't need a dude to get out and do the activities I want.
miss.a.p1600
07-14-2019, 11:30 PM
^ Cool. Vote noted. Maybe the honestly will help him with future things. Who knows.
I went ahead and sent a text back that the first piece of the out of town gig is done.
It's hard to be the " bigger " person here. I feel like torturing this guy. : (
Damn. He's such a snooze fest. How could I not have seen this before ( oh yeah, trying to get laid and losing my mind over it lol ). Yawn. Complaints about being tired ( ya think working a totally unhealthy schedule ?). Now complaining about being sick with a cold. I do feel bad he's sick though. ;/
Well i can’t help but think I experienced your situation (or something similar) ..... but in reverse
That young guy seemed transparent with almost everything else but when it came to me canceling the date for legit medical reasons he was not transparent about his feelings, pretended to care about my wellbeing, and then turned around n ignored me as a reaction.
I suppose he felt he’d try to torture me because he perceived my cancellation as intentional flaking/me intentionally torturing him.
I mean sometimes people just aren’t a fit, the timing just isn’t right or whatever. For me I wanted to end things a mature way but I was trying to find the right time to do so. Ironically that event happened and then he when semi-ghost (responding but very short with no effort).
Do two wrongs really make a right?
And Yes honesty will help him in the future. But also help you knowing you did what you could and left him in as good of a space as you could.
carmen_b
07-15-2019, 09:30 AM
^ With your guy ...... unless he was downright MEAN ......... I think he probably thought you were faking sick.
If you wanted to pursue anything ..... you could always reach out.
I seems like you expect men to pursue you in a really specific way ( I have some of those same ideas / preferences ).
Personally ...... ( and I don't mean to suggest doing something you might regret ) ...... I would ask that dude to come be your toy .
I am 99% sure he'd be down and you can set any boundaries YOU want ( no social media interaction for example ). If you are clear you don't need or want a relationship from him ..... no one is really being unethical. Just my thoughts on it.
carmen_b
07-17-2019, 08:45 AM
I have worked days and have had 4 evenings off in a row ( on an out of town work trip ) !
I'm so proud of myself for just chilling and not wasting time chasing dudes, haha.
Sometimes I can go a little crazy.
I'm trying to be ethical and treat people well.
lurkingtitties
07-17-2019, 11:06 AM
Carmen this might be a weird question but how's your social life outside of dating?
carmen_b
07-17-2019, 12:35 PM
^ It could use a refresh ( which is pretty obvious I'm sure ).
I was in hiding Sept. - Feb.
I was embarrassed about being left by my long term partner ( " fighting " for my relationship didn't work ).
My family I do see socially. Friends ..... probably been months if I'm honest.
I'm a bit confused on how to "resurface " . I guess it's just a matter of extending some invites and seeing what happens.
I was so focused on debt pay down ( serious effort into credit cards ) .
I'm out of the hole so I do have time now.
^ I extended an invite to a couple people this weekend while it was on my mind.
UPDATE : A couple will come out on Fri or Sat to an outing ! ;)
carmen_b
07-17-2019, 03:27 PM
Texted the “bf” about transitioning to just friends.
Nice to have that done.
Text said:
" If I'm reading this right, it seems like you'd like to transition to friends only v.s. a romantic connection ? I am 99% sure I am reading it correctly due to not being intimate at my house the Sunday before last , then turning me down when I offered to come over a time or two , then not inviting me tonight on my return to town”.
miss.a.p1600
07-17-2019, 04:12 PM
About to head out for a date with the old dude....
I thought (several times) about should I/shouldn't I call up the young dude....I don't know if my ego will let me though. I don't know if he just wanted me to chase him, if he was pulling a slick power move, if he went back to his ex girlfriends, or what. I don't even know why I care or why I put so much thought into this 2 week situation lol! He actually started growing on me and I did like him about 60% - why do guys have to be such beyotches sometimes?
Anyways the old dude pretty much treats me mostly like I want so I guess I will spend more time and effort on him
Now I see why women be having husbands then fucking the hot pool guy on the side
miss.a.p1600
07-17-2019, 07:39 PM
Date was cool. Old dude was his usual self.
Halfway into my 2nd drink i started feeling weird like lightheaded, sweating, and slightly nauseous. I start mentally panicking but his ass doesn’t recognize my non verbal cues.
I thought I was going to pass out which to me would have been embarrassing
I go to the bathroom cause I just needed a moment of privacy and silence to collect my thoughts. Thankfully I didn’t pass out walking to bathroom or at all for that matter. And felt better once I exited the bathroom.
carmen_b
07-17-2019, 08:03 PM
^ nice to go out / enjoy the evening.
carmen_b
07-17-2019, 08:06 PM
He is fighting me on it.
He says his last couple weeks have been particularly difficult .
I was able to verbalize on the phone that “ I wasn't happy seeing each other only once a week “.
I'm totally *out* of patience.
I doubt he will put together a couple get togethers this week smoothly without me pressing him ( which I refuse to do ).
He doesn't make me feel DESIRED . It makes me sad because it could be so easily fixed ( naughty messages sent out on my business trip or getting in touch a few days ago to see me my FIRST night back would have been a start ).
miss.a.p1600
07-18-2019, 08:27 PM
Old dude wants to get like a couples massage or something
Uhh I’ve never done that and I really don’t know if this is just a ploy for him to get a glimpse of me nekkid lol! What if he takes his drawers off? What if HE gets naked? What if he gawks at me taking my clothes off? What if he tries to talk when I want silence? What am I going to do??????
carmen_b
07-18-2019, 08:51 PM
^ It'll be fun ! Just go !
JessaJade
07-20-2019, 02:38 AM
Lets say that I HAD found something ...... basically ........if he was with another partner ........ I would actually consider the sex we had non-consensual.
We established the relationship about two weeks ago - he is the one who brought up the idea!
I was clear in communication and I re-checked that he was on board.
If he lied to me ..... I would have pressed charges. I was prepared to do that today when I was there if I found him living with someone.
That is why I changed my mind to " Ok .... lets see if there is something here " .
I was shocked to read this, honestly. Is this a decision you would have made mainly out of vengeance? I'm curious!
JessaJade
07-20-2019, 02:45 AM
Now I see why women be having husbands then fucking the hot pool guy on the side
Yep. Me too. I've decided that's more or less the situation I'm aiming for (unless something miraculous happens and I meet a man who ticks every box: is young and attractive and rich and a great person and we're extremely sexually compatible).
This week I went on a date with someone new for the first time in 18 months. Yes, really...LOL.
He's very wealthy, maybe 15-20 years older than me, and seems keen to impress me.
So far so good...we went to a high-end restaurant and he treated me to an amazing meal with wine pairings, which I love - but fancy dinners aren't going to cut it (considering the fact I'm not genuinely sexually attracted to him).
Disclaimer: I'm aware this is a dating thread and I'm approaching this in a cynical way, but it's where I'm at.
I'm good at establishing intimacy one-on-one and have already done so with him, but am thinking I've maybe done such a good job that he might get too comfortable and think I am so interested in him as a person that he can treat it as a normal dating situation. I want money and security, bottom line. Working on it...
miss.a.p1600
07-20-2019, 07:02 AM
Yep. Me too. I've decided that's more or less the situation I'm aiming for (unless something miraculous happens and I meet a man who ticks every box: is young and attractive and rich and a great person and we're extremely sexually compatible)..
Exactly!
In mind mind I’m like damn! Can’t a lady have a man with all these qualities?
But my experience so far is that they are either rich and kind but bad lovers or stone cold freaks who act like narcissistic douchbags
At this point in my life I have to take stability and wealth over sex but I want to experience good sex so........
I’m trying to be good and not cheat as I’ve never cheated on anyone I’ve committed to. So I suppose I’m in a gray zone and tempted to juggle multiple men, test their love making skills before I make my final decisions
carmen_b
07-20-2019, 12:26 PM
I was shocked to read this, honestly. Is this a decision you would have made mainly out of vengeance? I'm curious!
^ I'd consider it non consensual sex because I was clear I only wanted " relationship " sex. Lying to get sex is coercion. He brought up the suggestion to try the " bf / gf " thing about two weeks after we met. I checked in and made sure he was still on board before sex. This situation made me really curious about the legalities of it it my state.
I think he manages his life very poorly ( always starving for time ) . Today he claims to be working all day at his moms . If he really works as much as he says, he could pay someone to do these repairs and reclaim his time. He just chooses not to.
I don't think I can forgive him for being so " lean " with his time and attention. I will never ever feel good about it. He didn't make time to give me sexual attention July 5-11 then I traveled July 12-18. He has let three evenings go by now where I'm back in town.
Also, I'm beginning to suspect he may live at his mom's . ?
This isn't really a deal breaker for me but lying is.
I guess here is the crux too. We bonded hard core of the " digital nomad " lifestyle link . He doesn't actually HAVE IT currently while I DO.
carmen_b
07-20-2019, 12:43 PM
Personally I think sugar dating has a place here too. ;)
Disclaimer: I'm aware this is a dating thread and I'm approaching this in a cynical way, but it's where I'm at.
carmen_b
07-20-2019, 07:50 PM
I will see Mr. NY Monday. ;)
I'm really looking forward to it.
AChildOfBoredom
07-21-2019, 10:51 AM
So I was set up on a date Thursday night. 30, still lives with his parents, to say he was dull as a butter knife would be a discredit to butter knives. I tried finding anything redeeming about him but couldn’t. He was rude to the restaurant staff, boorish, tried to hype up his time in the military as a clerk (not knowing I’m a CAB and Purple Heart recipient)… real fucking winner, this one.
JessaJade
07-21-2019, 01:15 PM
It was Ks last night in the country, so he messaged to invite me over for a glass of wine. I declined and said I'd love to see him but would like to spend a bit longer getting to know him first (we've only had one date) and that I already had plans to go to a concert.
These things were both true, but my main reservations are really safety (I've checked up on him - my intuition tells me he is OK but I'm cautious) and also that we need to establish what we are both hoping to get from this, on neutral ground, before getting too cosy.
I'm trying to figure out whether to play up my slutty side just a bit more...I'd like to get to a point soon where I can be transparent about wanting a mutually beneficial relationship, but I'm trying not to be too forward in case he gets funny about it. He's quite old-fashioned in some ways and I think he wants that GF-experience feel.
He's due back in a month. Whatever happens, I'm using him as 'practice' (fancy dinners are nice too).
miss.a.p1600
07-21-2019, 02:23 PM
I'm afraid I aimed too high. I saw a delicious gent on Tinder a week ago ( I wish I could post pics without privacy being an issue ) haha.
9 years younger , tall, built. We matched and chatted a bit ( I gave him my number after a couple messages ) but he didn't extend an invitation and it's been about 5 days since he got my #. Eh ...... I'll leave it.
I think there is something to be said for my effort to aim big. ;)
Part of me is like ..... just invite him for a drink this week. I can't do that though. That's how I get myself in these situations. I make everything too easy. Then there is no incentive to do anything. That's why I HAVE to just leave it.
I'm pleased to say I didn't let Mr. Disappointing ding my fantastic weekend. I was in a wilderness area with friends ( no invite for him ). I have no doubt he would have been irritating .
We should have a private group. Post pics but crop their face n blur the background?
so many times I’ve wanted to post pics of some hot guys I’ve dealt with so y’all can see this with your own eyes
And yes if the young y’all dude is a player type he might wait up to a week to contact you.
carmen_b
07-23-2019, 11:45 AM
Mr. NY last night. It was nice but not *ideal*.
I was lazy and just wanted to order take out at my place ( also be here for more time for sex haha ). He brought a really nice bottle of whiskey ( our faves ). We got a little drunk on my patio ( he got a little long winded about the stars / creation / universe haha ).
Got some sexy attention but he we were drunk ........ not quite the encounter we had before my trip. Neither one of us got off. I am getting a little more paranoid today about it but we were both responsible for drinking too much.
Got to know him quite a bit better though . He's into epic wilderness adventures ( I'm often out doing them ). I will invite him on the next one. I also let him know I'm horny " always " so he has that information. I should have set it up in a more clear way I was after a sexual experience but I was trying not to be overly aggressive ( plus I wanted to feed him as he had taken me out in the city on dates twice ).
Another note : he has a limp from an accident ( likely permanent ) . To me, it isn't a deal breaker. I imagine it affects him emotionally though ( happened three years ago ). I heard the story how it happened yesterday.