View Full Version : Paying rent to live with boyfriend?
miss.a.p1600
03-17-2019, 07:45 AM
^thats why when the woman manages the house, the kids, that includes the bank accounts as well.
And always keep some sort of assets/investments of your own, develop valuable skills that would make you an asset wherever you go, keep a network of professional people that are resourceful and will help you when you need it (cause if/when you divorce you need to pick back up quickly just like men do), and keep a Network of top lawyers in the area. In the event a spouse goes rogue, gets petty, and tries to fuck you over, you’re still good
Overall a couple should do what they feel is right for their situation. Sometimes though it is a trial and error learning experience although it’s best to learn from other peoples fuck ups than to have to learn the hard way
AChildOfBoredom
03-17-2019, 11:51 AM
My big thing with this is the same with why I pay my own way on dates, or we work out something like, "well, if you're going to cover dinner, then I'll cover the movies". I won't allow them to put themselves in a position where they feel like I'm beholden to them on account of financial reasons (or any other). I value my independence, especially financial and I tend to scorn myself because I haven't achieved emotional independence. This is why I will never get a joint bank account, and this is why I'm not going to let someone just come in and have a stake in my house. I did this. And I've been through some shit in order to make it happen. I made the sacrifices. I'm not going to let someone just come in and stake a claim to what I've earned for myself. At the same time, I'm not going to accept a freeloader. Even the girls who live with me, I have expectations of them. Everyone contributes here. To that end, anyone thinking they're "Mr. Right" had better accept that I'm not willing to forsake my sister or my 'refugees'.
And so I feel like I understand both sides of the coin, and I think the OP is being perfectly reasonable... she's willing to contribute, but takes a bit of issue with his specific expectations. If I had to 'choose a side' on this one, it would unquestionably be hers. I don't think his POV is without merit, but I think there's some things he overlooked when he came to the conclusion that he did.
Selina M
03-17-2019, 03:44 PM
Yeah agreed that 50/50 financially is not 50/50 overall, if you're also doing all the household shit. Men really don't take into account just how much easier it often makes their lives to have a woman at home. You should not be paying half the bills and then doing 100% of the house work.
My ex expected me to pay literally half the bills and also to be Suzy HomeMaker. That isn't equity, that is a sneaky way of making women feel like they're equal (since some of us take pride in having our own money and paying half the bills) while once again, the man is reaping most of the benefits.
I just mathed it out and we have just over a 60/40 split in my favor in mandatory household bills. It started out equal but as I became the primary dog-walker, grocery-shopper, house-cleaner, we let it skew in that direction because that was more fair. He still pays for 90% of our outings and helps clean when he has time.
It definitely also depends on how you were raised. My SO's family is much older (parents born in the late 30s/early 40s) so he learned the "man as provider" mentality and it's a point of pride to be able to support his girl to some degree. My parents are/were the same age & my mom only worked because she *wanted* to. The only thing she paid for was groceries, her paycheck otherwise was hers. When my dad got sick and wasn't able to run the businesses anymore, he was literally diagnosed with depression, because a lot of his self-esteem came from supporting his family.
I honest to God think a lot of men/boys these days have none of that sense of pride in themselves. They are largely selfish douchebags who just want to do like I said above & milk the female equality thing in their favor when they can. They seem to take it way beyond financial and extend it into a loss of basic human politeness because "Well they wanna be equal, she can go get her own drink/walk herself home alone/call AAA to come help with her car, I ain't her mechanic". I have chewed guys my age out at the club for how they were treating the girls who came in with them. It blows my mind.
jack0177057
04-05-2019, 12:49 PM
I'm coming in late on this conversation, but, my two cents are this:
If you are paying rent, then you are a tenant, and should have the full rights of a tenant - Make him sign a lease that gives you a lease term and all the rights and protections of a tenant. You should not pay more than fair market value, you should have your own room, and you should owe him no duty other than paying rent. (You wouldn't do house chores for a landlord, would you?) With a formal lease agreement, you can break up with him one day, and bring home another dude, and, he cannot do anything about that, until the term of your lease expires.
Would I ask a GF to pay me rent? Hells no! For the same reasons mentioned above. It is my house and I want to preserve my power to ask her to leave, if things don't work out. When a guest pays any rent, even a de minimis rent, then, the law may recognize him/her as a tenant, even without a lease agreement, and that carries big legal implications. I've heard horror stories about guests refusing to leave, claiming protection under the landlord/tenant laws because he/she contributed a little bit of money towards the rent or mortgage, and the owner had to spend thousands of dollars and wait 60 days to evict him/her.
I might ask a live-in GF to contribute by buying groceries and other non-house-related expenses, but, most definitely, I would not take a dime for rent. (CAVEAT: Some jurisdictions will grant tenant protection to a guest that lives with you for some time, even if he/she pays no rent.)
miss.a.p1600
04-05-2019, 08:15 PM
https://family.findlaw.com/living-together/cohabitation-property-rights-for-unmarried-couples.html
slowpoke
04-06-2019, 07:54 AM
If she is living with you she would be a tenant at sufferance. Law enforcement officers would tell you to file a forcible detainer if you want her out.
"Sec. 24.002. FORCIBLE DETAINER. (a) A person who refuses to surrender possession of real property on demand commits a forcible detainer if the person:
(1) is a tenant or a subtenant wilfully and without force holding over after the termination of the tenant's right of possession;
(2) is a tenant at will or by sufferance, including an occupant at the time of foreclosure of a lien superior to the tenant's lease; or
(3) is a tenant of a person who acquired possession by forcible entry.
(b) The demand for possession must be made in writing by a person entitled to possession of the property and must comply with the requirements for notice to vacate under Section 24.005"
cyberstripper
04-08-2019, 08:16 PM
Hmmm. I'm old fashioned too and made the mistake of paying rent and bills for many years. I was in a very long term relationship but it caused damage to the relationship in many ways. My man at the time became lazy and complacent especially due to the fact that I out earned him. We were mostly 50-50 but this was a threat to his masculinity and it effected both of us. When I moved on, I made a promise to myself I would never live with or even date a man who made equal to or less money than I. It was just way too much stress on me tho all these fuck boys and betas and deadbeats want to call women with my mind set gold diggers, etc..they can think what they want but when a boy admits this is how he feels about women wanting security and less financial worry, it speaks volumes about him. He is not a man in other words. A man has an instinctual need to provide for those he cares about. this does not always mean money, but these losers who want to point the finger usually can't provide shit but dick and stress...and may even claim they have been used by women but they can't be because they do not have shit to offer. This being said, I'm not saying your bf is like this type. Men do have a reason to be concerned about women not pulling their weight, using them, etc.
However if he really wanted you to be happy and secure he would provide you the place to stay with no questions asked. There is a reason he did not.
What do you contribute to the relationship? Do you take care of all of your responsibilities in your role?
Has a woman used him for money/a place to stay in the past?
There is a reason for his outlook...but it doesn't mean his past should dictate his present and if he has bad experiences like this in the past you should not pay the consequences for that. However if you are not contributing in other ways it has given him a reason to be leery of you moving in rent free.
I personally would not move in with a bf that would expect me to pay rent. I do not care about "social norms" and would still work and contribute in other ways.
cyberstripper
04-08-2019, 08:32 PM
I ask you the above because the guy I'm seeing now Gave his all in his past relationship. he supported this woman and lost himself due to always putting her first. Tho this is not her fault, he fears moving in with another woman and losing himself and ofc money. And what did she do? Lie and cheat. He gave this woman all he had and it still was not enough. this is a great example of why men are afraid to invest money and time in women let alone live with them. in this case, he does take personal accountability for accepting things and treatment he shouldn't have, but he loved her and when emotions are involved it can be brutal. I totally get him, I gave my all to my ex and it was not reciprocated. We both lost ourselves in our relationships so we will both respect each other's need to still be independent.
Side note that bitch is a moron. This man treats me so well. He is so hot, successful, and has a BFD. She cheated for a reason, but ppl who are cheated on are not the issue, the cheater has the issues. I don't ask him too much about his past but perhaps him doing everything for her made her see he could be walked on, used and perhaps she did not find this attractive. He said she was very controlling, demanded marriage, etc. no way in hell he would marry her and that prob caused conflict. This girl sacrificed this wonderful man to get a few side dicks and she has since begged to get back with him. he really is a wonderful man. I thank the universe daily for sending him to me. that woman was not in her right mind.
sharktime
05-29-2019, 09:53 AM
I'm really surprised to see a lot of you feel like you shouldn't have to pay rent to live with your boyfriend! I want my relationship to be as fair and balanced as possible. I would feel like a squatter if I lived somewhere that I did not pay for.
Jalena
05-29-2019, 10:11 AM
I'm really surprised to see a lot of you feel like you shouldn't have to pay rent to live with your boyfriend! I want my relationship to be as fair and balanced as possible. I would feel like a squatter if I lived somewhere that I did not pay for.
Agree 100%. Relationships are supposed to be partnerships! I get that different setups work for different couples but there seems to be a real disconnect here when it comes to splitting expenses.
miss.a.p1600
05-29-2019, 10:41 AM
I'm really surprised to see a lot of you feel like you shouldn't have to pay rent to live with your boyfriend! I want my relationship to be as fair and balanced as possible. I would feel like a squatter if I lived somewhere that I did not pay for.
Shiiiiit just do like men do. You know How they think their dick is currency n made of gold lol
If he paid for your pussy / the thoughts of getting your pussy, it would at least equal the cost of his mortgage payments no? }:D
And how many miles would he be putting on the pussy every night? (now that you’re in the same living space)?
Voila! Your portion of rent (aka money towards HIS mortgage) = PAID!
rickdugan
05-29-2019, 11:33 AM
I'm really surprised to see a lot of you feel like you shouldn't have to pay rent to live with your boyfriend! I want my relationship to be as fair and balanced as possible. I would feel like a squatter if I lived somewhere that I did not pay for.
Agree 100%. Relationships are supposed to be partnerships! I get that different setups work for different couples but there seems to be a real disconnect here when it comes to splitting expenses.
He owns the house. If she pays him rent, that would make her a tenant, not a GF. Then she should insist on her own bedroom and not give him the comfort and fun of her presence in his bed.
Unless of course he was willing to put her name on the deed to the house -then she could help him pay the mortgage. But I'm guessing that was not what he wanted. He was looking for a girl who would fuck him, sleep in his bed and contribute to his mortgage. No bueno.
whirlerz
05-29-2019, 11:33 AM
A better ? to ask would be:
What rights do you have?
Unless your name's on the lease, I would guess none.
Then you can be thrown out on a whim.
:)^^^
miss.a.p1600
05-29-2019, 01:10 PM
as young people who are a bit more carefree....listen to your peeps with wisdom and experience
And remember this....ALL relationships come to an end at some point (death, breakup, divorce, widowed, etc) so What will you have to show for a live in relationship if/when it ends?
The live in gf is in the worst spot here so pleas make sure to examine this financially and legally for long-term benefit. I believe it was Zofia mentioned earlier how she protected herself legally in her cohabitation agreement.
The last thing you want as a woman is to give wife benefits to a man who was not taken steps to wife you, then reward him by contributing to His mortgage / helping him earn equity in his house - then when it ends or he dies you have nothing (all in the name of equality which isn’t always equal after all)
*consult with a financial planner and or legal professional before cohabitation to ensure you have rights either way you decide.
Blovely
05-29-2019, 04:57 PM
I'm really surprised to see a lot of you feel like you shouldn't have to pay rent to live with your boyfriend! I want my relationship to be as fair and balanced as possible. I would feel like a squatter if I lived somewhere that I did not pay for.
My biggest issue with the 50/50 dynamic is that I rarely ever see or hear where these types of splits/relationships are truly and really equal. Often times when women contribute financially the relationship still isn't fair/equal. Often times women are doing 50/50 financially + majority of the household upkeep and if there are kids involved she's doing the majority of the child-rearing. Even when things are supposedly equal women often do more in a relationship without even realizing it and unless women are extremely and I mean extremely anal about the fairness/equality most relationships benefit men more. For me its like the least these men can do is pay for all or a majority of the dam bills/expenses.
Everyone's relationship is different and people like and are ok with different things but the thought of playing house makes me cringe. Me personally I have no desire to live/shack up with a man that I'm not married to or has no intention of marrying me. I'd rather live by myself and or be single rather than live with a man where I have to pay 50/50 especially with one that's not even my fiance or husband.
All that runs through my head is why on earth would I do that to myself and put myself in that situation? Like what am I truly getting out of a situation like that, what really are my benefits? For me its like why would I do that when I can be in my own space and have 100% freedom and control and not feel like I have question whether or not the environment/relationship is really equal. I also have no desire to go through a mini divorce and custody battle if and when we break up. Like I am not about to argue about who the tv, couch, etc belongs to because we bought shit together when I could've just brought whatever item for myself for my own place. Nor do I want to go through the annoyance and aggravation of having to kick a dude out and change locks because dude was living with me or having to find my own place and move my shit because I was living with him.
Nope, nope, nope I'll pay 100% of my own bills and for my own things and dude can come and go or I can visit whenever either of us is welcomed. If finances/me not being able to make enough money to support myself were an issue than I'd rather work 2 jobs over shacking up with a man who seeks or believes in 50/50.
Ugh just thinking about that kind of setup gives me a headache, but again to each their own...if the 50/50 dynamic works for some of you ladies more power to you.
KenzieJ
05-30-2019, 09:38 AM
I think $500 a month is too much. I would just get my own place at that point. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for rent money, but he is in a better financial situation than you and should understand. If anything he should expect you to pay for a few bills and groceries. I don't believe we should expect men to pay for everything and I prefer an even split. This only applies when both partners make a decent amount of money, though.
Optimist
06-15-2019, 01:11 PM
If she is living with you she would be a tenant at sufferance. Law enforcement officers would tell you to file a forcible detainer if you want her out.
"Sec. 24.002. FORCIBLE DETAINER. (a) A person who refuses to surrender possession of real property on demand commits a forcible detainer if the person:
(1) is a tenant or a subtenant wilfully and without force holding over after the termination of the tenant's right of possession;
(2) is a tenant at will or by sufferance, including an occupant at the time of foreclosure of a lien superior to the tenant's lease; or
(3) is a tenant of a person who acquired possession by forcible entry.
(b) The demand for possession must be made in writing by a person entitled to possession of the property and must comply with the requirements for notice to vacate under Section 24.005"
Word to the wise, the above is not universal legal advice. Please check the laws specific to your state and county.
slowpoke
06-15-2019, 01:19 PM
Yes it is specific to the jurisdiction which which I am familiar.
I dont remember when I posted that, but I think my point was law enforcement is likely to consider a live in girlfriend a tenant regardless of whether she pays rent. Look at the statute for your jurisdiction.
Optimist
06-15-2019, 01:20 PM
Shiiiiit just do like men do. You know How they think their dick is currency n made of gold lol
If he paid for your pussy / the thoughts of getting your pussy, it would at least equal the cost of his mortgage payments no? }:D
And how many miles would he be putting on the pussy every night? (now that you’re in the same living space)?
Voila! Your portion of rent (aka money towards HIS mortgage) = PAID!
Even though the OP has solved this, let me add that she is taking the greater chance of pregnancy without legal protections of marriage... That's risking waaaaay too much for a guy looking to nikel and dime her.
slowpoke
06-15-2019, 02:34 PM
Shiiiiit just do like men do. You know How they think their dick is currency n made of gold lol
If he paid for your pussy / the thoughts of getting your pussy, it would at least equal the cost of his mortgage payments no? }:D
And how many miles would he be putting on the pussy every night? (now that you’re in the same living space)?
Not necessarily. For example West Texas Intermediate is $52.51 as of 6-15-2019 . Is there an established market for pussy?
miss.a.p1600
06-17-2019, 10:10 AM
Not necessarily. For example West Texas Intermediate is $52.51 as of 6-15-2019 . Is there an established market for pussy?
This the going rate for dick? lol
I’ve jokingly offered to pay and dudes always I mean always offer their dick for free (free as in no money required).
The market for pussy????? Whatever a man is willing to give for it/whatever a woman will accept. Lots of men move women in their homes, offer marriage (which has a 50% divorce rate thus 50% chance they end up splitting coins to an ex wife), etc just to have in-home pussy on a regular basis.
I’d say wives n high class escorts/sugar babies have the most expensive pussy
whirlerz
06-17-2019, 10:14 AM
In regards to the questionable advantages of being added to a lease: I think generally with multiple people on a lease, each lessee is individually responsible for the full rent/lease payment for the duration of the lease. So, if one person skips out, the other(s) must then cover the extra/missing amounts. So, in the OP example, if the guy gets tired and leaves town, the lady is fully responsible for the rent. If the lady decides the situation is not working out well and moves out but stays local, she will still be obligated to pay the lessor her portion of the rent - and the "boyfriend's" too if he subsequently skips.
Hi Mr Ducky! :)
Yes IDK, but I would not be in this sitch.
slowpoke
06-17-2019, 05:53 PM
This the going rate for dick? lol
I’ve jokingly offered to pay and dudes always I mean always offer their dick for free (free as in no money required).
I’d say wives n high class escorts/sugar babies have the most expensive pussy
West Texas Intermediate is the benchmark crude oil price.
"West Texas Intermediate (WTI), also known as Texas light sweet, is a grade of crude oil used as a benchmark in oil pricing. This grade is described as Medium crude oil because of its relatively low density, and sweet because of its low sulfur content. It is the underlying commodity of New York Mercantile Exchange's oil futures contracts. "
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/West_Texas_Intermediate