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Panthera
10-26-2022, 05:09 PM
I can't believe I'm just now finding this thread, but it came at the right time.

Recently I deleted all social media apps off my phone, especially TWITTER. Comparing myself to others is not something I ever do usually, but with my depression in high gear, sleeping on the couch since Thursday night, and not working, I began to feel myself getting angry and envious of the curated lives I was seeing in my feed.

Here I am, a beautiful go getter with written down plans, content ideas abound, and I have all of 9 videos published on my clip sites and nothing else to show for it. I separated from my Husband in November of last year and began camming again to care for myself on my own. It's nearly a year later and I'm NOWHERE NEAR where I thought I'd be. Laziness and depression is a BITCH, now I'm feeling like a complete loser. This isn't me.

I've begun therapy and started new meds a few days ago, but I'm still struggling to get off the couch. Barely showering (if at all) and eating cereal for the past few mornings is just...not me. This isn't who I am.
I'm supposed to be this no nonsense boss DOMME, and here I am, not even confident enough to get on cam. I'm just not feeling it...

Okay. Rant over. Now I gotta find ways to get out of this slump. Rent is due on Tuesday and I'm sitting here fucking off...I hate this.


I don't know if you are into astrology or not, but yesterday there was a scorpio Sun Eclipse and a New Moon. That is enough to bring depression from the bottom of hell back to anyone who ever has been having issues with it. Plus lack of vital energy due to the New Moon. The influence starts a week or more before the eclipse time, and lasts for week or 10 days after. So, you are right when saying this isn't yourself. You will see that your energy will be back soon.

Esixxx
10-29-2022, 04:00 AM
The reiki session this week really helped get me back to peace.

Keeping it real here- I was feeling stuck before the session. I was reading on some places where some models were doing well and then on social media like it was doomsday as far as business was concerned. I freaked out last week and started putting in job applications like crazy- I got offered two jobs, but turned them down after thinking about it- they weren't for me.

I noticed I have this pattern of letting anxiety and fear get the best of me. Then I attempt to "fix" the situation myself by getting a job that usually ends up wrecking my sleep and my routines, or dealing with toxicity. So I am just having fun experimenting with stuff- business-wise.

Truth be told everything works out. I just have to show up :)

I took two days off from streaming to let the energy do its thing and yesterday I exceeded my high goal- it felt like forever since I had done that. Truth be told it had only been two weeks lol.

I came to the realization that self-care is non-negotiable and stress management is a priority. My strategy is to baby step back into my routine, it's only been two days but so far so good.
Doing short workouts in the morning and short meditations - 3 minutes then building up.

~Carmen~
10-29-2022, 04:59 AM
The reiki session this week really helped get me back to peace.

Keeping it real here- I was feeling stuck before the session. I was reading on some places where some models were doing well and then on social media like it was doomsday as far as business was concerned. I freaked out last week and started putting in job applications like crazy- I got offered two jobs, but turned them down after thinking about it- they weren't for me.

I noticed I have this pattern of letting anxiety and fear get the best of me. Then I attempt to "fix" the situation myself by getting a job that usually ends up wrecking my sleep and my routines, or dealing with toxicity. So I am just having fun experimenting with stuff- business-wise.

Truth be told everything works out. I just have to show up :)

I took two days off from streaming to let the energy do its thing and yesterday I exceeded my high goal- it felt like forever since I had done that. Truth be told it had only been two weeks lol.

I came to the realization that self-care is non-negotiable and stress management is a priority. My strategy is to baby step back into my routine, it's only been two days but so far so good.
Doing short workouts in the morning and short meditations - 3 minutes then building up.

I'm sorry you have been having a tough time Esixxx. I'm really glad you posted this. Reading "news" like that can seriously fuck with your head. Hearing how you came out the other side and exceeded your goal is the reward you deserve!

You took charge girl!! I'm proud of you for that. You climbed out and came back shining.

"I came to the realization that self-care is non-negotiable and stress management is a priority." This is a lesson that I and I'm sure many others need to hear. I tend to focus on everything I need to do and rarely take time for self care. Thank you for this.

Good job, good job!;D.