View Full Version : Leaving Abusive Partner / accountability and planning
miss.a.p1600
01-19-2020, 11:25 AM
^acting like nothing happened, like “business as usual” thinking you forgot about messed up stuff they did two days ago.
Most likely, no (or fake) apologies
.......Im also guessing it’s more likely he will use text/calls as a way to pry his way back in through a bunch of sweet nothings & meaningless promises all meant to cause her to second guess her decision making & make her think she was overreacting
Typical!
carmen_b
01-19-2020, 12:15 PM
I am really glad I wrote down a detail of the horrifying things he said to me last Sunday .
That way if I'm tempted at all to see him I can just go back and read !
" I'm not sure I like you "
" The sex is just ok "
( when I was defending the sex )
" You are just a hole "
" Selfish Cunt "
He actually THINKS someone would want to reunite after such a horrifying evening.
This type of crazy doesn't even seem real sometimes. This the SAME person who during the day was setting up a little kitchen set in his house ( for kids ) just " on hope " that his 3 year old daughter would come to visit. I was so charmed by that moment.
I hope his ex gets SO much money and ALL the custody !
miss.a.p1600
01-19-2020, 12:40 PM
^she gone need reparations dealing with that guy long term.
That’s probably why their situation unfolded the way it did.
I had an experience dealing with this guy with a similar personality-basically went on a text tirade insulting me calling me basic and petty and miserable when I wouldn’t do what he wanted. Then a couple years later he’s back to “normal” but I still hadn’t forgotten about his verbal abuse and deranged personality.
His ass was like “oh I thought we moved past that!”
That is literally how those jokers think, like they can be complete douche bags and you’ll just simply forget after a certain amount of time/with enough bribery
carmen_b
01-19-2020, 01:21 PM
^ Yes, there is not a " nice date " on the planet that would make me want to risk another verbal assault . They really do think like that though. Either an excuse like "I was mad at the time" or " I was drunk " . With the alcohol a factor I don't know if he even remembered what he said. Abuse is NOT ok. So the factors ( drinking ect. ) don't matter.
I miss our routine the first few weeks when he was being normal but I know it was fake / a " lure " .
carmen_b
01-19-2020, 03:04 PM
I am just feeling sassy today BUT sticking to the IGNORE plan.
carmen_b
01-23-2020, 07:28 PM
Update :
Doing well ! I feel more relaxed and less on edge ( duh ) !
Almost two weeks away from him and life has improved !
I get in thought circles of " if I could just have him minus these horrible behaviors " but ....... they are there.
They are permanent so walking away is the right thing.
carmen_b
01-26-2020, 05:38 PM
Day 13 ! I'm keeping this going. Staying away.
He sends a note today :
" Getting fixed this week ? "
( in reference I had an IUD appt and cancelled it a couple weeks ago out of pain fears )
I of course hate how he phrased it .
A : There is nothing wrong with me. A CHOICE to not be on the BC pill or get the IUD and use condoms instead can be MY choice of birth control.
B : Nothing of course about getting his STD testing scheduling . We are only " fixing " me " ( in his mind ). Of course.
( barf )
Obviously I'm sticking to the " usual " . No replying at all.
I think I am taking myself to a steak and wine dinner tomorrow to celebrate two weeks RID of him.
laurielegs
01-26-2020, 05:50 PM
Day 13 ! I'm keeping this going. Staying away.
He sends a note today :
" Getting fixed this week ? "
( in reference I had an IUD appt and cancelled it a couple weeks ago out of pain fears )
I of course hate how he phrased it .
A : There is nothing wrong with me. A CHOICE to not be on the BC pill or get on IUD and use condoms instead can be MY choice of birth control if I choose it.
B : Nothing of course about getting his STD testing scheduling . We are only " fixing " me " ( in his mind ). Of course.
( barf )
Obviously I'm sticking to the " usual " . No replying at all.
I think I am taking myself to a steak and wine dinner tomorrow to celebrate two weeks RID of him.
Gross!
He is asking because now he thinks since you can't get pregnant maybe he can get some unprotected sex.
glad you are ignoring.
Aurora_Sunset
01-27-2020, 07:26 AM
Ewww - the way he phrased it is like taking your dog to the vet to get "fixed." Like laurie said, he just wants to know cuz now he's thinking he can get unprotected sex now because you're "sterile." Disgusting.
Sam38g
01-27-2020, 12:02 PM
He's trying to start the abuse cycle again. Offering an outing to a comedy show ( one of my faves ) .
No thanks. I can get my own tickets loser ( and probably find a better date by the show too ).
Then of course when I didn't answer within 15 minutes I receive notes about " nevermind because you are selfish lover " .
Ignore Ignore Ignore.
Silence is always a great response, then you get to see how they react. How fast they turn evil when the words they first used didn't work. Compliments & words are easy. Men lie to women 80% of the time, so studies say. Actions are better indicators & him getting drunk on a date, telling you about still having sex with an ex are someone who is unstable as a person & thus dangerous.
carmen_b
01-27-2020, 12:05 PM
^ Yeah. He knows the phrasing is extremely gross.
Of course no offer to actually GO to the appt. with me either or get his STD testing done while I am there.
It's the two week mark just now ! Today is a day to celebrate. I am feeling more free of this stress with each day.
carmen_b
01-27-2020, 12:08 PM
Sam : I don't think he was having sex with that person while we were together ( Dec. 3 - Jan 13 ) but really ...... I would not be surprised at ANYTHING based on what I've seen so far.
He did say things like he was " heart broken " when she left. This is typical of this personality disorder . They can't stand peace so even though this chick isn't even there .....I hear about her and how wonderful she was. I am not very jealous so I don't think what he was trying to do worked on me in that regard. My attitude is more like " yeah, we are grown people so we have had other lovers ".
carmen_b
01-27-2020, 12:11 PM
I am hard to find ( no fixed living or work location ) .
I don't really fear for safety though with his resources he certainly * could * do something as far as finding me . No restraining order yet though that could change if I get any creepy communication.
Sam38g
01-27-2020, 12:14 PM
Gross!
He is asking because now he thinks since you can't get pregnant maybe he can get some unprotected sex.
glad you are ignoring.
Definitely!!! But you do not know who all else or other ex's he still might be having sex with. It is also insulting that he assumes that he can mistreat you & still have you be willing to have sex with him. He also sees you as a hook up & a verbal punching bag.
His ego is out of control & think that he can charm his way at any time. This type of guy never gets better or less abusive over time, only worse. And why would he want to have sex with you after saying how bad you are at it. What he is really saying is that you should jump through more hoops for his dick & because he is a man.
And if you were to go out on a date, the entire time with each drink be afraid of him becoming a drunken monster. Which at any time become physically violent. The charming person you imagine that you miss does not exist, he puts on that act because it worked in the past to get laid.
He will try to push your buttons & is trying everything to pull you back in. Even to argue & fight, so he will feel more in control. Ignoring is best & be aware of your surroundings & being followed at anytime. If he shows up & knocks at your door at anytime, do not open & call the police. Abusive men have trouble letting go & get more violent if they can't get what they want.
Sam38g
01-27-2020, 12:21 PM
Sam : I don't think he was having sex with that person while we were together ( Dec. 3 - Jan 13 ) but really ...... I would not be surprised at ANYTHING based on what I've seen so far.
He did say things like he was " heart broken " when she left ect.
This is typical of this personality disorder . They can't stand peace so even though this chick isn't even there .....I hear about her and how wonderful she was. I am not very jealous so I don't think what he was trying to do worked on me in that regard. My attitude is more like " yeah, we are grown people so we have had other lovers ".
Even if you didn't get jealous, it is still wrong. And his intentions were to make you two compete against each other for him. It was a way to tell you that he will never love you & be good enough, so that you would do everything to please him.
Normal people do not start another relationship until they are over the last. Shows that he is all about his needs & does not have either one of your best interest at heart.
Good luck at Doc office & he probably would have demanded a blow job for taking you.
carmen_b
01-27-2020, 12:26 PM
^ Yes. Exactly. He ended us two weeks ago when he was truly abusive. I even said during the verbal insults " If you don't stop, you are risking ending us ". I don't want to RISK even another minute of my time , RISK physical abuse , and I obviously don't trust him enough for condom free sex.
I am not really sure what in his mind he is " offering " that is going to make him an good choice . I know he is a terrible choice even with the nice home and nice dates. Being alone on the planet with no penis until the end of my days is a better choice.
He lied and faked his way though a nice few weeks ( even though there were some signs and " cracks " ).
It was cracks in the mask I was seeing NOT eccentricity .
He gave me what I wanted probably ( frequent sex ) because he knew I didn't have that in the fall and was upset with my former partner over that. So who knows if the " I finally found a libido match ! " was even real. He had the information and could have just been faking that too to reel me in.
miss.a.p1600
01-27-2020, 12:29 PM
^pretty much everything she said.
The fact this mf had the gall to say “are you getting fixed”.....I would have sent a picture of a lobotomy and asked him that same question
Dude trying to trick you into giving him attention and pussy he is nowhere near deserving. He doesn’t have the capacity to be the type of man you need/deserve it’s like trying to turn a pigeon into an eagle.
Abort the mission girl. And go no contact on his ass. Do not waste anymore of your precious valuable time or you’ll be ranting in the “i hate men thread” lol
carmen_b
01-27-2020, 12:36 PM
^ Hahaha. That is a great response ! I might have to try to find that image online if I want to send it.
Since he is still contacting ( obviously ) it might be time for a text that states " You mistreated and abused me . I would like no further contact . " I didn't expect him to still be reaching me.
He doesn't deserve any info such as if I'm seeing someone or where I am ( I'm not even in his area ) so the normal responses to get rid of a guy won't really work.
I can go to the cops after if it seems like I need to. I am just hoping he goes away. It does make me sick though that someone else is risking getting abused by him but I am not sure I can really do much more than just make sure I'm safe at this point . I can possibly contact Tinder and explain the abuse but he will just get another one / use other platforms.
miss.a.p1600
01-27-2020, 12:44 PM
^went i encountered men who abusive (mentally) then left their weak asses in the dust the first thing i thought was “they are now someone else’s problem”
It’s sad to have to think that way but unless they go to therapy (which the rarely do) they’ll keep the cycle of abuse going with someone who will tolerate their fuckery. Just gotta hope more ladies wise up and leave people with these personality traits vs get sucked into the fantasy (which is easy to do cause these people are masters at mind games)
Sam38g
01-27-2020, 01:07 PM
^ Hahaha. That is a great response ! I might have to try to find that image online if I want to send it.
Since he is still contacting ( obviously ) it might be time for a text that states " You mistreated and abused me . I would like no further contact . " You are trying to get him to see your humanity & he won't. It is pointless.
You can have a lawyer send him a cease & desist letter, and all further contact will be seen as harassment.
He will continue to contact you randomly for several years, waiting for a weak moment. Predators never stop chasing, they see it as a game & at this point you are winning. Which is why they are still dangerous no matter how much time passes.
Sam38g
01-27-2020, 01:10 PM
^went i encountered men who abusive (mentally) then left their weak asses in the dust the first thing i thought was “they are now someone else’s problem”
It’s sad to have to think that way but unless they go to therapy (which the rarely do) they’ll keep the cycle of abuse going with someone who will tolerate their fuckery. Just gotta hope more ladies wise up and leave people with these personality traits vs get sucked into the fantasy (which is easy to do cause these people are masters at mind games)
Sadly, the ones who do go to therapy, do so in order to become better at gas-lighting & manipulation. They do not go to be a better person, that requires empathy for other people. And they love playing the victim against all the so-called horrible women in the world who took advantage of the.
miss.a.p1600
01-27-2020, 01:44 PM
You are trying to get him to see your humanity & he won't. It is pointless.
You can have a lawyer send him a cease & desist letter, and all further contact will be seen as harassment.
He will continue to contact you randomly for several years, waiting for a weak moment. Predators never stop chasing, they see it as a game & at this point you are winning. Which is why they are still dangerous no matter how much time passes.
Exactly what I was Thinking
He won’t understand your perspective, nor your words (which he will interpret to his benefit), but he will understand your actions when you close the door on him/give him no attention (especially when he acts like a jackass towards you)
miss.a.p1600
01-28-2020, 06:49 AM
Even if you didn't get jealous, it is still wrong. And his intentions were to make you two compete against each other for him. It was a way to tell you that he will never love you & be good enough, so that you would do everything to please him.
Normal people do not start another relationship until they are over the last. Shows that he is all about his needs & does not have either one of your best interest at heart.
Good luck at Doc office & he probably would have demanded a blow job for taking you.
Guess 85% of the male population is abnormal cause a good majority of these dudes out here parading around like they single but trolling for pussy whenever they get mad or “take a break” from their girlfriends n wives
And the blow job thing.....damn!
rickdugan
01-28-2020, 09:05 AM
Okay, he's not trying to find you as far as you know, so at this point his continued contacts are all through the phone. Why don't you just block his numbers and be done with it? Why are you still engaging him at all? Why keep giving him the chance to get into your head like this?
I'm sorry that you got caught up with such a high strung, narcissistic a-hole. Guys like that never change, so IMHO you did the right thing in getting out quick.
On a side note, when you are ready to date again, you might want to consider finding potential partners someplace other than Tinder. Just a thought. IMHO good guys don't look for good girls on a fuck and suck app. I'm not saying anything that happened is your fault - there was no excuse for his behavior. But IMHO you're likely to find a higher population of selfish slimy a-holes on Tinder than in more traditional settings.
Good luck as you deal with this!
carmen_b
01-28-2020, 11:22 AM
^ I don't contact him. I just track if he sends anything over ( in case I need a restraining order ). So far it doesn't seem needed.
He isn't in my head. I know it's a 99.999999% chance that if I " gave him another chance " there would be more abuse.
I know he is mentally ill ( no one who wasn't would treat women this way ).
I have taken Tinder down. I honestly thought it had lost the reputation and people used it now for traditional dating ( it seems like some do .... like me ). But just playing the statistics odds there are other ways to meet people when I'm ready ( most likely in person this time ).
carmen_b
01-28-2020, 11:38 AM
I just don't need him. I can take myself to nice meals / outings. Nothing he offers is going to get him another chance.
Sam38g
01-28-2020, 12:55 PM
I have a rule about sex, which frustrates many of men. I do not have sex with them until I know that they have my best interest at heart. You seemed to be hung up on the fact that he also had a nice home, guess what? nice homes, cars & such have nice big payments to go with them. So you also never know how much credit card debt a person might be in either. So those things don't necessarily impress me.
I don't have sex with men & just go on dates. Where I meet them at the location, don't even let them know where I reside. During that time how frustrated or how much they push for sex tells me a lot about them. It weeds lots of jerks too, those who assume that I owe them sex after the first date to 3rd date. Doesn't take long for them to get all pissy because they think they are owed sex at some point. Which is a major turn off for me.
How they handle the wait time, how mad they get, which is always the wrong way to go about things.
Statistically in a marriage if the wife becomes ill for any reason & can't provide sex, house cleaning, cooking, errands & such. Aka all the unpaid work that adds up to 4.5 hours a day, men will divorce them. Men feel they deserve sex & free labor no matter how ill the wife is and how long they have been together also does not matter. He will divorce her & find someone else.
So making men wait for sex & how they deal with it shows their true character.
Sam38g
01-28-2020, 01:02 PM
I just don't need him. I can take myself to nice meals / outings. Nothing he offers is going to get him another chance.
The world has yet to run out of men, he is not the only man in the world. There are enough men to line up a different dinner date every night of the week. And in every town there is a early morning breakfast place where men who work hard, make investments all meet up for breakfast. They chat about business & help each other make wise investments. You can wake up & go to those places about 5:30Am to figure out the closest one to where you live.
Now, they maybe a bit blue collar but have many irons in the fire creating incomes & more to be looking for a partner in life & just not for sex.
Also getting dressed up, going to the best steak house in town by myself. Eat at the bar, can't tell you how many times I have gotten dates with good guys from those places. Most of the time, I don't even pay for my meal. Done it in many of cities.
rickdugan
01-28-2020, 01:11 PM
^ I don't contact him. I just track if he sends anything over ( in case I need a restraining order ). So far it doesn't seem needed.
He isn't in my head. I know it's a 99.999999% chance that if I " gave him another chance " there would be more abuse.
I know he is mentally ill ( no one who wasn't would treat women this way ).
But you respond to him sometimes. You already said so yourself. And you're still posting about him a lot despite the short relationship. So maybe he still is in your head a bit? You also said that he can't find you, so if you also block his communications then voila - no more shithead to deal with. You can put it behind you and move on.
PhatGirlDynomite!!!
01-28-2020, 01:30 PM
The world has yet to run out of men, he is not the only man in the world. There are enough men to line up a different dinner date every night of the week. And in every town there is a early morning breakfast place where men who work hard, make investments all meet up for breakfast. They chat about business & help each other make wise investments. You can wake up & go to those places about 5:30Am to figure out the closest one to where you live.
Sam this is the advice I give to all my single friends!!!! Yes! Dates don't just have to occur after 6pm. I tell them to look for men who can get up early in the morning and start grinding. Get away from the Tinder culture. Also pre-dates are good for checking their temperature. Go on a quick breakfast or lunch date just to see if you like them. Plus you get to see if he's willing to get his butt up early enough to spend time with you.
carmen_b
01-28-2020, 03:10 PM
^ Good ideas everyone. I'm already on this. I have a different platform now ( online ) and specifically said I'm looking for friends only for the next couple of weeks and open to dating my established friend after that time frame. I am hoping it will help. :)
carmen_b
01-28-2020, 03:12 PM
I'm absolutely ON IT as far as the going to nice places done up to dine alone. :)
I feel like there is always a great chance of meeting someone this way. I'm not in a hurry. Friendship only for now.
carmen_b
01-28-2020, 03:18 PM
He did text twice and try to call me twice at 1:25 a.m. yesterday.
When I saw those at 9a.m. , I sent :
M , I'm going to ask that you not contact me anymore due to the emotional / verbal abuse . "
^ TO ME , I FEEL GOOD TELLING HIM HE ABUSED ME.
HE DID. SO THERE ISN'T ANY OTHER WAY TO PHRASE IT .
He has his warning and I'll get the restraining order if needed.
carmen_b
01-28-2020, 03:39 PM
This is so true. I know some of his rentals are also shared with an investor. I have no idea really how much is him v.s. backing investor/s.
I do know he pays about $7,000 a month for the payment and $900-$1,000 in utilities so if his AirBnB doesn't work he is in serious trouble. I personally think he scaled too fast ( he had a smaller successful 3 bedroom AirBnB renting two rooms out last year ). This monster of a place is a lot of pressure even with his experience. These details don't matter since he is crazy but a little part of me hopes it does fail on some front and he has to liquidate some of his other properties.
I try not to think about it and just MOVE FORWARD .
Give me the guy who has his own apartment or condo and suggests an Applebee's dinner ! Lol !
As long as it doesn't come with an assault of verbal garbage I am so game !
I think he thinks he will just " win " because of the house / cars ect. ! He will NOT with me.
Onward !!! It's a shame. We had a great time together when he was faking being normal I guess ?
nice homes, cars & such have nice big payments to go with them. So you also never know how much credit card debt a person might be in either. So those things don't necessarily impress me.
Sam38g
01-29-2020, 12:17 PM
He did text twice and try to call me twice at 1:25 a.m. yesterday.
When I saw those at 9a.m. , I sent :
M , I'm going to ask that you not contact me anymore due to the emotional / verbal abuse . "
^ TO ME , I FEEL GOOD TELLING HIM HE ABUSED ME.
HE DID. SO THERE ISN'T ANY OTHER WAY TO PHRASE IT .
He has his warning and I'll get the restraining order if needed.
It is not that easy to get a restraining order, I have to side with Rick a bit. You are looking for him to be remorseful. Why not just block him? You are holding on to a fantasy, for him to secretly to be a good guy.
You are also way to emotionally invested for such a short relationship. The way you keep waiting for him to text & call you no matter if it is good or bad is weird at this point. You might need to seek professional help as to why you just don't block him & move on with your life.
Hoping he will fuck up enough for a restraining order... instead of blocking him. Restraining orders depending upon each State or Judge can be very hard to get. He is not showing up at your home or work. The judge will wonder why you didn't just block him too.
miss.a.p1600
01-29-2020, 02:17 PM
I think a guy upthread suggested to keep the text line open in case he sent threatening texts so she’d had proof for a restraining order.
Well instead dude sent narcissistic hoovering type texts (as I figured he would) which are geared towards playing on a persons emotions to draw them back in (for a short period of honeymoon phase before the cycle of abuse begins again)
The guy was (so far) emotionally abusive and it appears to me the OP was simply communicating and making it clear to him why she will no longer be in contact - because he is emotionally abusive
Unfortunately in the court system (in these parts) - emotional abuse by itself doesn’t hold enough weight to get restraining orders as much as proof of physical abuse/violence, stalking and threats of such actions
carmen_b
01-29-2020, 02:57 PM
I know what I'm doing.
My state grants one immediately ( a temporary one ) easily.
All I'm doing is just leaving the option open to text something nasty or threatening in case I need to use it as proof.
I know he isn't a good guy. I hope that he just gives up and doesn't bother me ( I think he will personally ).
eagle2
01-29-2020, 07:11 PM
It is not that easy to get a restraining order, I have to side with Rick a bit. You are looking for him to be remorseful. Why not just block him? You are holding on to a fantasy, for him to secretly to be a good guy.
I think that if he were to send her any threatening messages, it would be good for her to know.
Sam38g
01-29-2020, 08:49 PM
1. A restraining order is just a piece of paper, it really does not protect you.
2. You have to put addresses down so he can know where to avoid you.
3. Men who are violent know how to play the system, way better than the victims.
If he was going to threaten you, then he would have done it by now. So I really think you are holding on and what you wrote him read as if you were asking permission. The fact that you respond shows him you are still connected & care.
Blocking says you don't give a fuck at all. Which is when they know the other person is over it & moving on. And unless you change your number he can always use another phone to contact you. But in the eyes of the law you blocking him also shows you are done.
At this point, you may have shut the door, but are leaving a window open.
When you write how you "hope he gives up & doesn't bother me anymore" reads like you are giving him all the POWER in this situation. And still reads as 'please play nice' vibe which he can totally use to manipulate you.
carmen_b
01-29-2020, 11:04 PM
To me, it *seems* at least like the situation is getting better.
I don't plan to give him any more time or energy. I mean ..... I am feeling better.
Personally I feel like I took power back by simply stating " Don't contact me anymore at all. You are abusive . "
carmen_b
02-14-2020, 07:04 PM
All is well but today I was thinking I had been away at least as long as I'd been with him. It's not quite there . ;/
I do feel STUCK sometimes.
I feel anxious and scared with men but I know eventually I need to try..........
carmen_b
02-24-2020, 01:20 AM
41 days together ( Dec. 3 - Jan. 13 ) .
Now it's been 41 days FREE ! :)
Ifyouseekamy
02-24-2020, 09:28 PM
Good job! I’m so proud of you
DeepThoughts
02-26-2020, 07:21 AM
I have a rule about sex, which frustrates many of men. I do not have sex with them until I know that they have my best interest at heart. You seemed to be hung up on the fact that he also had a nice home, guess what? nice homes, cars & such have nice big payments to go with them. So you also never know how much credit card debt a person might be in either. So those things don't necessarily impress me.
I don't have sex with men & just go on dates. Where I meet them at the location, don't even let them know where I reside. During that time how frustrated or how much they push for sex tells me a lot about them. It weeds lots of jerks too, those who assume that I owe them sex after the first date to 3rd date. Doesn't take long for them to get all pissy because they think they are owed sex at some point. Which is a major turn off for me.
How they handle the wait time, how mad they get, which is always the wrong way to go about things.
Statistically in a marriage if the wife becomes ill for any reason & can't provide sex, house cleaning, cooking, errands & such. Aka all the unpaid work that adds up to 4.5 hours a day, men will divorce them. Men feel they deserve sex & free labor no matter how ill the wife is and how long they have been together also does not matter. He will divorce her & find someone else.
So making men wait for sex & how they deal with it shows their true character.
Sam if you ever write a book I will buy it. #justsaying
carmen_b
03-19-2020, 06:29 PM
**DON'T QUOTE PLEASE**
My rape kit ( I'm 90% sure he was sneaking condoms off or did particularly in this one incident ) was supposed to paid for by a domestic violence organization. Now I got a letter saying denied.
Something about the police report not having enough info. I feel like I don't want to even follow up or anything but it's opening that can of worms now . Like ..... SHOULD I press charges and name him in that report ? Did not want to think about this for another 1-2 months honestly. That way that it sits now is that I didn't press criminal charges 8 weeks ago but his DNA # ( marker ) is now in a crime database.
carmen_b
03-19-2020, 06:30 PM
** DONT QUOTE PLEASE **
^ AND ..... in my file I specifically said NO MAIL . So this peice of mail comes to a FAMILY home saying " victims of crime " . They promised me they wouldn't send me any mail. I provided an email address, text # , phone number.
I don't even care if I have to pay for the ER visit but I wish they would not send mail like I asked !!!
It doesn't matter what they're asking for - if you don't say " how high?" when they say "jump", they will have a problem