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xxxGothBarbie
03-03-2020, 09:06 PM
Why not just go work at another club & get away from that place?
I'm so sorry that happened to you :(

I'm so angered that he's basically getting to walk away scott free & possibly do it to someone else. It might be in your best interest if you did work at another club .
I hope this doesn't sound insensitive, it's not meant to be harsh.

Ifyouseekamy
03-03-2020, 09:36 PM
Why not just go work at another club & get away from that place?
I'm so sorry that happened to you :(

I'm so angered that he's basically getting to walk away scott free & possibly do it to someone else. It might be in your best interest if you did work at another club .
I hope this doesn't sound insensitive, it's not meant to be harsh.

I’m trying not go into fix it mode either, but I agree if you can away from this perpetrator it’s best for you.

Is there a list you can put him on of “sex worker“ perpetrators- I know your just a dancer BTW. ( not that it matters either way) Is there someway to use the internet to out him.

I put my ex on liars and cheaters.com. Oh man...whenever he goes into an interview they type his name and straight to the top is his name. I eventually took it down because I live in the same city and didn’t want to deal with anymore of his narcissist abuse. I just wanted to move on, but it was total worth outting him to all his coworkers and he still works there...lol...and it’s a small town...lol. I’m not saying being raped is the same as narcissist abuse. I’m just thinking of some ways you can out him.

It’s truly up to you. You have the right to move on and not want to deal with it anymore I understand.

Im so sorry. I’ve never been forcibly raped. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. The older sister in me just wants to beat him up for you.

I’m holding you up in love and light.

Danni
03-04-2020, 07:24 AM
I’m trying not go into fix it mode either, but I agree if you can away from this perpetrator it’s best for you.

Is there a list you can put him on of “sex worker“ perpetrators- I know your just a dancer BTW. ( not that it matters either way) Is there someway to use the internet to out him.

I put my ex on liars and cheaters.com. Oh man...whenever he goes into an interview they type his name and straight to the top is his name. I eventually took it down because I live in the same city and didn’t want to deal with anymore of his narcissist abuse. I just wanted to move on, but it was total worth outting him to all his coworkers and he still works there...lol...and it’s a small town...lol. I’m not saying being raped is the same as narcissist abuse. I’m just thinking of some ways you can out him.

It’s truly up to you. You have the right to move on and not want to deal with it anymore I understand.

Im so sorry. I’ve never been forcibly raped. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. The older sister in me just wants to beat him up for you.

I’m holding you up in love and light.

The day it happened I wanted to leave, not just quit the club but dancing. And I have thought about finding a new club but it’s not fair that I got assaulted and I need to quit a club where I make a lot of money. Besides that, I already drive an hour and a half to get there. My mom keeps my daughter, she lives an hour from me and the club is another 30 mins so it works perfectly.
There is a club closer to my home I could potentially work but the earning ceiling is lower, I don’t like the fact that it’s so close to where I live and I actually left that club because I had a stalker. My stalker scared me a hell of a lot more than this douche. I have already seen him so the worst is over. As long as I do not have to have any direct contact with him I think It will be ok. I actually don t plan on dancing that much longer anyway. Hopefully.

It’s pretty horrifying but very few rapists are actually convicted even with dna, evidence, etc. I have been learning a lot and trying to educate myself. I found a forum for abuse victims (I really hate that word) where we can post, talk, share, etc. it’s actually been pretty helpful while I wait for the center to call me back for counseling. I think the one reason I was so hell bent suddenly on wanting to file criminal charges was the incident drudged up a memory of me being raped when I was 14 (seriously, do I have VICTIM tattooed on my damn forehead!?) I had blocked it out for over TWENTY years and probably would have lived the rest of my life thinking my first time was with my highschool boyfriend when I was 17, as it should have been.

If there was some sort of list online I could add him to that would warn other dancers/women I would. I don’t know his last name though or even which state he is actually in. The club is within 15 minutes of 2 other states.
It has occurred to me too that he doesn’t even know my name. Probably a good thing but something that is just infuriating for some reason to me. I’m not sure what else I can do but really try to take care of myself and move on.
The one thing that will always bother me is knowing he will continue doing this and I could not stop it

Thank you both for the help and kind words.
GothBarbie, I hope you are doing well it’s been a long time since we last spoke.

Ifyouseekamy
03-04-2020, 08:49 PM
The day it happened I wanted to leave, not just quit the club but dancing. And I have thought about finding a new club but it’s not fair that I got assaulted and I need to quit a club where I make a lot of money. Besides that, I already drive an hour and a half to get there. My mom keeps my daughter, she lives an hour from me and the club is another 30 mins so it works perfectly.
There is a club closer to my home I could potentially work but the earning ceiling is lower, I don’t like the fact that it’s so close to where I live and I actually left that club because I had a stalker. My stalker scared me a hell of a lot more than this douche. I have already seen him so the worst is over. As long as I do not have to have any direct contact with him I think It will be ok. I actually don t plan on dancing that much longer anyway. Hopefully.

It’s pretty horrifying but very few rapists are actually convicted even with dna, evidence, etc. I have been learning a lot and trying to educate myself. I found a forum for abuse victims (I really hate that word) where we can post, talk, share, etc. it’s actually been pretty helpful while I wait for the center to call me back for counseling. I think the one reason I was so hell bent suddenly on wanting to file criminal charges was the incident drudged up a memory of me being raped when I was 14 (seriously, do I have VICTIM tattooed on my damn forehead!?) I had blocked it out for over TWENTY years and probably would have lived the rest of my life thinking my first time was with my highschool boyfriend when I was 17, as it should have been.

If there was some sort of list online I could add him to that would warn other dancers/women I would. I don’t know his last name though or even which state he is actually in. The club is within 15 minutes of 2 other states.
It has occurred to me too that he doesn’t even know my name. Probably a good thing but something that is just infuriating for some reason to me. I’m not sure what else I can do but really try to take care of myself and move on.
The one thing that will always bother me is knowing he will continue doing this and I could not stop it

Thank you both for the help and kind words.
GothBarbie, I hope you are doing well it’s been a long time since we last spoke.

You have to do what’s best for you and it doesn’t matter what I or anyone else thinks because it’s your life. I’m holding you up in love and light in your healing journey. I don’t thinks it’s right the victims/survivors are the ones that have to pick up the pieces.

I’ve done a lot of recovery work and my conclusion is without getting involved into political action I will never heal. I’m actually getting connected to feminist groups. When I retire from all form of work I want to be a sex worker activist. I’m learning as much as I can now. To keep from thread jacking I’ll stop there.

Do your healing work. It’s NOT your fault! He is a CRIMINAL. No your do NOT have victim tattooed on your face. He is an ABUSER and we as a society should be asking WHY MEN RAPE women not WHY DO WOMEN GET RAPED. He has done it before to vulnerable women. Sex workers are vulnerable groups and as a sexual predator he KNEW that!

Anyways, I’m glad you have gained clarity on what’s next. You getting to decided what’s best for you is the most empowering thing you can do for yourself next.

I hope to call center can help you get some free or affordable counseling.

Ifyouseekamy
03-05-2020, 03:39 AM
One more thing...there’s a group on Facebook called international day to end violence toward sex workers? Take care.

Danni
03-05-2020, 12:32 PM
You have to do what’s best for you and it doesn’t matter what I or anyone else thinks because it’s your life. I’m holding you up in love and light in your healing journey. I don’t thinks it’s right the victims/survivors are the ones that have to pick up the pieces.

I’ve done a lot of recovery work and my conclusion is without getting involved into political action I will never heal. I’m actually getting connected to feminist groups. When I retire from all form of work I want to be a sex worker activist. I’m learning as much as I can now. To keep from thread jacking I’ll stop there.

Do your healing work. It’s NOT your fault! He is a CRIMINAL. No your do NOT have victim tattooed on your face. He is an ABUSER and we as a society should be asking WHY MEN RAPE women not WHY DO WOMEN GET RAPED. He has done it before to vulnerable women. Sex workers are vulnerable groups and as a sexual predator he KNEW that!

Anyways, I’m glad you have gained clarity on what’s next. You getting to decided what’s best for you is the most empowering thing you can do for yourself next.

I hope to call center can help you get some free or affordable counseling.

It really is SO common. Almost all of my closest friends have experienced sexual assault. And it’s not like in the movies where you can just scream “he raped me!” And they arrest him. No, apparently you need to be beaten bloody, have 4 witnesses and dna to even be able to press charges.

I have an appointment on the 26th for therapy and thankfully it’s all free. I’ll check out the group.

Danni
03-06-2020, 11:18 AM
One more thing, for anyone reading this: if god forbid you are assaulted.....please, please, please go get a rape kit done. There was nothing I wanted to do less....in that moment I didn’t even consider it but I regret that so much and really wish I would have.
I really hope no one else here ever has to make that decision though.