carmen_b
10-29-2020, 10:27 AM
I don't know. I mean ..... we are shifting now to the sleeping next to each other 4-5 days a week.
My main concern when I started all this poking around and wondering if what I have is good enough was that every other week I was sleeping alone 5 days. That was my main issue.
But I had to ask which is sad.
Like .... at SEVEN months together he didn't think HIMSELF that is was sad to only be sleeping next to each other half the month.
:/
It seemed obvious to me that he was trying to prevent his daughter and I from bonding. Like .... he shifted me away from evenings at the house and shifted things like cuddling and watching a movie away on purpose I think. I always have just let her do what feels comfy and natural and she will often sit by me to cuddle or hold my hand in the evening. When he did that ( in mid Aug. ) I evaluated it and agreed that maybe 5 months together in fact WAS too soon for that type of bonding.
Sometimes I just don't know what he wants and feel lost and hopeless so I brought up the therapy thing.
Then I got lazy and didn't schedule it. Ugh.
I am having a more cheery outlook though.
If we can navigate this shift like we talked about v.s. shifting backwards ..... I'm open to that.
If we don't seem to be going forward I can just go forward in terms of progress and goals solo.
What I am NOT ok with it a cap at 7 months of sleeping next to my partner only 15 of them.
I've run this by everyone basically ( friends , family, and of course SW lol ) . 90% agree that he should have already shifted without me having to ask but here we are.
Honestly I think he was just panicked too because it was obvious that I was *open* to moving in if he asked . But really my ideal is not 7 days a week with my partner it's more like 5 . So that is how we settled on the 4-5. I like a couple days to myself on the calendar as well a week.
Right! Like i said, he's prioritizing correctly (child first), and i think that makes him a bad match for you. If he didn't have that responsibility in his life, who knows, maybe he'd be able to keep up and give you that intimacy you need in a relationship. But i don't think he can be what you need him to be! And that's no one's fault.
My main concern when I started all this poking around and wondering if what I have is good enough was that every other week I was sleeping alone 5 days. That was my main issue.
But I had to ask which is sad.
Like .... at SEVEN months together he didn't think HIMSELF that is was sad to only be sleeping next to each other half the month.
:/
It seemed obvious to me that he was trying to prevent his daughter and I from bonding. Like .... he shifted me away from evenings at the house and shifted things like cuddling and watching a movie away on purpose I think. I always have just let her do what feels comfy and natural and she will often sit by me to cuddle or hold my hand in the evening. When he did that ( in mid Aug. ) I evaluated it and agreed that maybe 5 months together in fact WAS too soon for that type of bonding.
Sometimes I just don't know what he wants and feel lost and hopeless so I brought up the therapy thing.
Then I got lazy and didn't schedule it. Ugh.
I am having a more cheery outlook though.
If we can navigate this shift like we talked about v.s. shifting backwards ..... I'm open to that.
If we don't seem to be going forward I can just go forward in terms of progress and goals solo.
What I am NOT ok with it a cap at 7 months of sleeping next to my partner only 15 of them.
I've run this by everyone basically ( friends , family, and of course SW lol ) . 90% agree that he should have already shifted without me having to ask but here we are.
Honestly I think he was just panicked too because it was obvious that I was *open* to moving in if he asked . But really my ideal is not 7 days a week with my partner it's more like 5 . So that is how we settled on the 4-5. I like a couple days to myself on the calendar as well a week.
Right! Like i said, he's prioritizing correctly (child first), and i think that makes him a bad match for you. If he didn't have that responsibility in his life, who knows, maybe he'd be able to keep up and give you that intimacy you need in a relationship. But i don't think he can be what you need him to be! And that's no one's fault.