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carmen_b
10-29-2020, 10:27 AM
I don't know. I mean ..... we are shifting now to the sleeping next to each other 4-5 days a week.
My main concern when I started all this poking around and wondering if what I have is good enough was that every other week I was sleeping alone 5 days. That was my main issue.
But I had to ask which is sad.
Like .... at SEVEN months together he didn't think HIMSELF that is was sad to only be sleeping next to each other half the month.
:/

It seemed obvious to me that he was trying to prevent his daughter and I from bonding. Like .... he shifted me away from evenings at the house and shifted things like cuddling and watching a movie away on purpose I think. I always have just let her do what feels comfy and natural and she will often sit by me to cuddle or hold my hand in the evening. When he did that ( in mid Aug. ) I evaluated it and agreed that maybe 5 months together in fact WAS too soon for that type of bonding.

Sometimes I just don't know what he wants and feel lost and hopeless so I brought up the therapy thing.
Then I got lazy and didn't schedule it. Ugh.

I am having a more cheery outlook though.
If we can navigate this shift like we talked about v.s. shifting backwards ..... I'm open to that.
If we don't seem to be going forward I can just go forward in terms of progress and goals solo.

What I am NOT ok with it a cap at 7 months of sleeping next to my partner only 15 of them.
I've run this by everyone basically ( friends , family, and of course SW lol ) . 90% agree that he should have already shifted without me having to ask but here we are.

Honestly I think he was just panicked too because it was obvious that I was *open* to moving in if he asked . But really my ideal is not 7 days a week with my partner it's more like 5 . So that is how we settled on the 4-5. I like a couple days to myself on the calendar as well a week.


Right! Like i said, he's prioritizing correctly (child first), and i think that makes him a bad match for you. If he didn't have that responsibility in his life, who knows, maybe he'd be able to keep up and give you that intimacy you need in a relationship. But i don't think he can be what you need him to be! And that's no one's fault.

charlie61
10-29-2020, 10:27 AM
Women are always stuck trying to get their men to work through their trauma and intimacy issues, ugh!!

charlie61
10-29-2020, 10:29 AM
Feels like you are having to force the intimacy every step of the way. And when he finally steps up to the plate, it isn't as satisfying, because you had to request it to make it happen.

charlie61
10-29-2020, 10:58 AM
Sorry if i sound super intense, Carmen! We're like your besties on SW, lol, we get overly invested and want you to be happy! You deserve a relationship that exceeds your expectations, or at least meets them! :grouphug:

miss.a.p1600
10-29-2020, 12:10 PM
Why you skipped scheduling the therapy session?

carmen_b
10-29-2020, 12:52 PM
^ Yeah we probably * should * do it huh ?

I find couples therapy so wonderful because I did a few months of it with my former partner about 18 months into our relationship ( this is like way back in 2012 ) and we made amazing progress .

I think I will leave my mortgage approval docs laying around. Lol .
Once he sees what I have in motion he may feel more comfy that I don't " need " him. Haha.

Yesterday he did mention if I want to buy the next rental property anytime he would co-sign for me if I had issues. That is pretty big. It's not needed but was a nice offer and he wouldn't have said it if he didn't mean it. I would keep it as my residence the first few months. I can't move my equity out of the rental category without getting a big tax hit so it needs to be a " rental ".

chanzep
10-29-2020, 03:25 PM
It sounds like you want different things. It sounds like he wants a girlfriend who he sees a few days a week having a nice time and not too close to his child. From you sounds like you want a very serious relationship. I could be wrong but it how it looks to me. Some people take a while to get serious I am one of them. I don't think 7 months is long in a relationship at all I would not be serious at that point but that's just me. I seen so many whatever relationships up until 18 months. I think he likes you but is at a slower pace. Also he has a kid to consider. It's always hard to know what a person wants. Just trust your gut and make sure your needs are met.

charlie61
10-29-2020, 03:37 PM
^Yes! I'm like you - i tend to move slower, too, and i don't even have a child! It's just about having different preferences and needs.

Selina M
10-29-2020, 03:39 PM
^ HOLY SHIT IT'S CHARLIE!

AHHHHH!

:hug:

carmen_b
10-29-2020, 03:44 PM
Thx Chanz : It does sound like he wants serious often because he vocalizes “ we are ok “ or “ we are moving forward “. Maybe we will see how this shift goes. I haven't even had a chance yet to see if this shift will help me feel better.

After talking he gave me everything I wanted .
I can admit it would be pretty awful if I left without at least trying this out. :/

He was also hinting at coming to Thanksgiving at my families ( North ).
^ He is invited ( of course ) .

charlie61
10-29-2020, 05:49 PM
^ HOLY SHIT IT'S CHARLIE!

AHHHHH!

:hug:

Awwww bb giiiiirl!!! ILY :hug:

I go through these extreme off periods with SW, but I'm currently ON! I missed you guys. ♡

chanzep
10-29-2020, 07:09 PM
It's good that you guys spoke. Spending the Holidays altogether with family I think is a sign of seriousness.