View Full Version : Pros and Cons of Marriage
StellaRose
04-12-2021, 03:21 PM
Interestingly enough this was here in the similar threads at the bottom of the page:
https://www.stripperweb.com/forum/showthread.php?209785-Pros-and-Cons-of-Marriage
At this point, I’d question what is driving this question, because I feel like it’s for a personal reason other than idle curiosity. Desire for children? Companionship? Secure safety net (if the man is rich enough).
I’m personally apathetic to the idea of marriage. I’m too...I guess I’m too idealistic to marry for money (tho I wouldn’t be opposed to a rich man). I prefer to get money more honestly and transactionally. Not a judgement against the gold digger/sugar baby type, since men themselves create the demand for that type of thing. But just talking about myself.
For me personally, having children is also moot, since I don’t want to procreate. However, later in life I’m very open to adopting a child and leaving what I hope is a positive legacy when that happens. Ideally I’d be in a stable relationship but marriage isn’t required for that I believe.
Companionship would be the main reason. I’d get married if I stay in a relationship long enough and he really wanted to propose, then it would be more I just won’t object.
I remember when Harry Browne (a libertarian, individualist, free thinker type) wrote in a book (that I consider to be one of the most inspiring out there) had a chapter in there where against marriage, and how to best structure a relationship. (Basically, don’t have anything that is considered “co-owned”—just items that belong to either one person or another with agreed upon dialog of what one person allows another to use). But sure enough then he got married, and his reasons were emotional—which was that he got married to publicly solidify his commitment to his wife and wanted her as a partner for the rest of his life. So I guess what I get from that, is be smart, but be open to the idea that being sentimental may get to you at some point.
charlie61
04-12-2021, 03:22 PM
^I know someone is going to jump on me for my post up there - obviously LTRs with no marriage do get more complicated after certain life events, like having a child together or buying a home. But you get the idea. :)
eagle2
04-12-2021, 04:31 PM
^I know someone is going to jump on me for my post up there - obviously LTRs with no marriage do get more complicated after certain life events, like having a child together or buying a home. But you get the idea. :)
I agree, especially in the case of children. Even pets can make things more complicated.
DeathAndTaxes
04-12-2021, 06:10 PM
I remember when Harry Browne (a libertarian, individualist, free thinker type) wrote in a book (that I consider to be one of the most inspiring out there) had a chapter in there where against marriage, and how to best structure a relationship. (Basically, don’t have anything that is considered “co-owned”—just items that belong to either one person or another with agreed upon dialog of what one person allows another to use). But sure enough then he got married, and his reasons were emotional—which was that he got married to publicly solidify his commitment to his wife and wanted her as a partner for the rest of his life. So I guess what I get from that, is be smart, but be open to the idea that being sentimental may get to you at some point.
Ayn Rand famously idolized her husband as her ubermensch, that is until he cheated on her with a younger actress then he was excommunicated from Objectivism lol.
When you create a movement whose sole guiding philosophy is uncaring selfishness, it's a no brainer that you will be cheated on and you will end your life in missery.
StellaRose
04-12-2021, 06:48 PM
^ You may have a different idea of what “end your life in misery” is to some. In that same book I referenced (How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World), Browne talked about a previous time where he felt jealousy because a previous woman he was dating was speaking with another man. And it was distracting him from practicing a speech he was supposed to present. So he visualized the at-the-time girlfriend sleeping with him. He said it was emotionally painful at first, but he kept persisting with it until he got bored with the idea and could get back to work.
One would argue that with the knowledge that you ultimately can’t control others, don’t base your happiness off of trying to do that. But admittedly that is easier said than done (especially for Ayn Rand)
DeathAndTaxes
04-12-2021, 07:25 PM
In that same book I referenced (How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World), Browne talked about a previous time where he felt jealousy because a previous woman he was dating was speaking with another man. And it was distracting him from practicing a speech he was supposed to present. So he visualized the at-the-time girlfriend sleeping with him. He said it was emotionally painful at first, but he kept persisting with it until he got bored with the idea and could get back to work.
That is an interesting take, like I alluded to earlier on the thought experiment of talking = sex, jealousy is an explosive thought that can dominate and consume but we somehow managed to make it socially acceptable for strangers to talk without it being the end of the world, wonder why sex is still so sacred (arguably children, but it is men that are at a deep disadvantage because of the stigma of universal paternity tests).
One would argue that with the knowledge that you ultimately can’t control others, don’t base your happiness off of trying to do that.
That and stop putting people on pedestals, her entire books are about putting her ideal man on a pedestal. I could make a fortune gambling on what relationships will completely crash and burn, and would have seen that coming a mile away.
LiamW
04-12-2021, 08:48 PM
Pros:
pegging
Cons:
cleaning
But seriously, jokes aside, marriage is the support of each other no matter what. Pure love and devotion to a person just because of who she/he is. That's hard to find and harder to keep.
neverendingkneebruises
04-13-2021, 12:17 PM
98% of marriages are scams for the woman. Marriage overwhelmingly benefits men time & time again despite them calling us the "ball & chain." Divorce no longer rewards the woman more frequently for giving up years of her life to watch over the babies/domestic duties that men refuse to take part in. (Look up "The Mental Load" comic) We are also expected to work & bring home a salary now. In most cases you are signing up for a life of servitude. Birthing & taking care of kids (if you have them) which takes a huge toll on your health, cooking, cleaning, keeping appointments, making sure you stay good looking & sexually available, THEN having to work AND pay half bills. While your husband just works & goes to watch tv, game or hangout with the boys. The standard for us & what we are expected to do has increased, but mens' have overall stayed the same. Unless you're happy with that arrangement, not worth it. Unless you meet a man that does not give a shit about standard gender roles or doesn't mind providing & does his part but even then he is praised like a hero for doing the bare minimum & it gets old. And no, we don't HAVE to do all this, but when we refuse, the whole household suffers, especially if kids are involved.
Do you know why male suicide rates skyrocket past the age of 75 or so, but women's stay the same? When a woman loses her husband, she just loses her husband. For the most part, she will be ok. When a man loses his wife, he loses the person who watched over the house, cooked/arranged all his meals, booked & reminded him of his appointments, his sole confidant/therapist (because our society tells men they cannot show emotions or rely on anyone but his life partner), his caretaker, basically. Men, your misogyny is literally killing y'all & still you refuse to recognize the unseen & unpaid labor we do & make things truly equitable.
I could go on about this but yeah, if you're a man, get married, it will benefit you. If you're a woman, don't bother. (https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/women-happy-children-spouse-partner-relationship-unmarried-a8931816.html)
DeathAndTaxes
04-13-2021, 12:55 PM
Do you know why male suicide rates skyrocket past the age of 80 or so, but women's stay the same?
Don't you think this is a bit cruel? Venting is one thing but this kinda crosses the line, male suicide is always way higher than women's regardless of age and relationship status. Once we are no longer useful we no longer want to be a drain on society.
I know that is the way I have chosen to go, the final hunt of sorts, immediately before senility or Alzheimers hits.
neverendingkneebruises
04-13-2021, 01:05 PM
Don't you think this is a bit cruel? Venting is one thing but this kinda crosses the line, male suicide is always way higher than women's regardless of age and relationship status. Once we are no longer useful we no longer want to be a drain on society. .
I meant it skyrockets in regards to their own statistics, not compared to womens. Men are more likely to commit suicide after divorce or losing their female partner regardless of age. They also statistically remarry very quickly after a divorce or losing a partner. (My grandfather remarried 6 months after my grandmother passed away. 6 months! I would be so devastated that I couldn't even think of dating again! But men will do it without an issue.) There's a common saying with older women who have chosen not to date, "all older men want is a nurse or a purse." I think it is cruel to ignore those statistics, I think it is cruel that we are expected to be viewed as exploitable assets & not people, it is cruel to ignore the way patriarchy hurts EVERYONE, & pretend things are equal, because men are dying because they (in society's sense) expect & are entitled to free labor from women & are told they absolutely cannot show any emotion to anyone other than their life partner. If we want to see a change which benefits EVERYONE, then the first step is acknowledging how most men view women as a whole. As well as encouraging them to not believe in toxic gender roles & do their part.
DeathAndTaxes
04-13-2021, 01:19 PM
Fine let's assume you are arguing from empathy, I still think your premise is wrong, I mostly do short term relationships so meaning I live alone, work, gym, laundry, cook, clean etc. I could hire a maid but actually prefer being self-sufficient and I think I do a good job, none of these have given me ANY societal praise nor have these things driven suicidal thoughts.
Being useless, huge medical drain, losing my mind. that is where dark thoughts can originate, and that is where society (or what you define as patriarchy) implicitly says we need to go.
Raziel
04-13-2021, 02:03 PM
Fine let's assume you are arguing from empathy, I still think your premise is wrong, I mostly do short term relationships so meaning I live alone, work, gym, laundry, cook, clean etc. I could hire a maid but actually prefer being self-sufficient and I think I do a good job, none of these have given me ANY societal praise nor have these things driven suicidal thoughts.
Being useless, huge medical drain, losing my mind. that is where dark thoughts can originate, and that is where society (or what you define as patriarchy) implicitly says we need to go.
Well, the Patriarchy is a system. Men do it (even if they don't know not all Men, byt many), but so do some women. They might not even know they do it, but they do. The problem is that no-one will get together and figure this out.
SnuffleUffleGrass
04-13-2021, 02:10 PM
^yeah good luck finding women accepting open marriages. Few n far between.
Open marriages can work out. It just depends on the couple, or trio of people.
charlie61
04-13-2021, 03:08 PM
I still think maybe we're not distinguishing between LTRs and marriage - am i the only one who sees the two as hugely different? Most responses seem to be talking about LTRs, rather than choosing whether or not to enter into the institution of marriage / legally binding yourself to someone else.
eagle2
04-13-2021, 05:38 PM
I still think maybe we're not distinguishing between LTRs and marriage - am i the only one who sees the two as hugely different? Most responses seem to be talking about LTRs, rather than choosing whether or not to enter into the institution of marriage / legally binding yourself to someone else.
I see them as being different if there are no legal ties between the two people. If there are children involved, and/or the couple co-owns a property, LTRs can potentially become more complicated.
DeathAndTaxes
04-13-2021, 06:28 PM
I still think maybe we're not distinguishing between LTRs and marriage - am i the only one who sees the two as hugely different? Most responses seem to be talking about LTRs, rather than choosing whether or not to enter into the institution of marriage / legally binding yourself to someone else.
Haha You know I noticed, but trying to be more concise when/what I post.
carmen_b
04-13-2021, 06:52 PM
I find marriage kind of old / weird / outdated.
It seems strange as a society we kept this weird thing around when it was used mostly for land and property transfers and such way back when .
People are also less religious now and it was religions often pushing it.
I know to others though it is the BIG step that they want.
Hell maybe I'm just jealous since I've only been long term partnered twice but never engaged.
I want my partner to be choosing more time with me because they WANT TO not because it would take a hell of a paperwork pile to unravel us.
DeathAndTaxes
04-16-2021, 04:08 PM
So Riley Reid is getting married, the biggest issue I see is that she is doing it out of loneliness which can be quite emotional as opposed to cold logic.
https://todayheadline.co/riley-reid-worries-about-porn-return-as-she-hasnt-kissed-a-man-in-six-months/
Since she was single up to 6 months ago, and clearly the catch in the relationship as a super famous porn star, I really do hope she has a prenup, and if she retires that it be for her own reasons.
moneybags
04-19-2021, 11:52 AM
I find marriage kind of old / weird / outdated.
It seems strange as a society we kept this weird thing around when it was used mostly for land and property transfers and such way back when .
People are also less religious now and it was religions often pushing it.
I know to others though it is the BIG step that they want.
Hell maybe I'm just jealous since I've only been long term partnered twice but never engaged.
I want my partner to be choosing more time with me because they WANT TO not because it would take a hell of a paperwork pile to unravel us.
Not my cup of tea. I feel like marriage is an oppressive institution. Maybe it can evolve into something healthier, but unfortunately I’ve seen it ruin a lot of lives. I don’t like when people disapprove on me being single, so I act happy when people say they are getting married. Live and let live
Angela888
04-19-2021, 12:08 PM
Not my cup of tea. I feel like marriage is an oppressive institution. Maybe it can evolve into something healthier, but unfortunately I’ve seen it ruin a lot of lives. I don’t like when people disapprove on me being single, so I act happy when people say they are getting married. Live and let live
After being married (god knows why I did it lol) I agree. Wouldn’t do it again, even living with a man I think I’d find hard now lol
miss.a.p1600
04-19-2021, 12:12 PM
Not my cup of tea. I feel like marriage is an oppressive institution. Maybe it can evolve into something healthier, but unfortunately I’ve seen it ruin a lot of lives. I don’t like when people disapprove on me being single, so I act happy when people say they are getting married. Live and let live
I'm sorry but this gave me a chuckle when you call it oppressive.
I had the same thoughts several times too. (aka the ol' ball n chain lol)
I don't understand why a lot of formerly married men come out as damaged goods after they marry then divorce.
miss.a.p1600
04-19-2021, 12:14 PM
After being married (god knows why I did it lol) I agree. Wouldn’t do it again, even living with a man I think I’d find hard now lol
See this is what I mean....like what if you don't discover till after youre married that living with them all up in your space 24/7 is just ...... what if you need space but like your spouse wants to always be with you? Or what if they are messy af and it's unattractive?
Angela888
04-19-2021, 12:19 PM
See this is what I mean....like what if you don't discover till after youre married that living with them all up in your space 24/7 is just ...... what if you need space but like your spouse wants to always be with you? Or what if they are messy af and it's unattractive?
personally I found marriage suffocating, I’m a free spirit . I gave it a go thou , all three years lol. Men are annoying to live with ; messy, smelly annoying as fuck get a cat instead:)
jack0177057
04-19-2021, 12:57 PM
Marriage as opposed to what? As opposed to merely living together?
If you are living with a person and must decide between mere co-habitation and marriage, it will depend on the facts and circumstances and applicable state law. For example, if you move into a guys house and you end up spending a lot of your money helping him to maintain it, make repairs and make improvements, then he dumps you - mere cohabitation would probably mean that you walk away empty handed. The funds you spent were either rent or gifts. On the other hand, divorce law (which applies if you were married) would probably give you a much better outcome, e.g., you might acquire an interest in the house, or at least, you may have a claim to be reimbursed for the improved value of the home. If you think a divorce is messy, try terminating a cohabitation were both parties shared the cost of a mortgage, purchasing furniture, electronics, appliance, etc. If you cannot apply divorce law (because you were not married), you are left with contract law and tenancy in common law, which will yield strange and unfair results. Basically, if you are the high earner and/or if you are both living in your house, you may be better off with cohabitation (assuming you have a a written Cohabitation Agreement that clearly spells who owns what and who gets what when the cohabitation terminates). But, if you are the low earner and/or the house belongs to your partner, then, you are better off married.
Remember that, at the end of the day, marriage is a legal arrangement and status that confers protection and benefits to the parties, i.e., usually the greater protections and benefits are conferred on the poorer person in the relationship.
eagle2
04-19-2021, 03:31 PM
If you're cohabiting and buying a home and furniture together, it's probably best to keep very good records of who paid for what.
charlie61
04-19-2021, 03:52 PM
See this is what I mean....like what if you don't discover till after youre married that living with them all up in your space 24/7 is just ...... what if you need space but like your spouse wants to always be with you? Or what if they are messy af and it's unattractive?
Exactly! This definitely happens.
And as Jack said, marriage really only benefits the person with less money and power in the relationship. If you think of yourself as being in a relationship with equal money and power, or if you're the one who has slightly more power and / or money, then you're likely to either experience no benefits, or end up feeling trapped.
People are their best selves while dating, not while married, so I'd say anyone who is already on questionable ground with someone they're dating when it comes to compatibility and connection would most likely experience the reality of marriage (post-wedding / honeymoon phase) as stifling.
Resentment and contempt also have a way of worming their way into many marriages, so I'd say that anyone who experiences even mild contempt in the dating stages probably shouldn't be looking at marriage with that person.
Raziel
04-19-2021, 04:01 PM
I enjoyed being married, and I might be a bit messy in my room, but I always make sure the Kitchen and Living Room are clean (Or as clean as I can get them, Animals be damned). I was crushed when my wife passed on. But me and Kaytlyn are still chugging along.
eagle2
04-19-2021, 04:52 PM
Exactly! This definitely happens.
And as Jack said, marriage really only benefits the person with less money and power in the relationship. If you think of yourself as being in a relationship with equal money and power, or if you're the one who has slightly more power and / or money, then you're likely to either experience no benefits, or end up feeling trapped.
In terms of divorce, you would expect the spouse who was earning less money to come out better, but nothing is guaranteed. Unless you have a valid prenuptial agreement, getting divorced can be a roll of the dice. A lot depends on how good your lawyer is, as well as what the judge thinks.
charlie61
04-19-2021, 05:14 PM
In terms of divorce, you would expect the spouse who was earning less money to come out better, but nothing is guaranteed. Unless you have a valid prenuptial agreement, getting divorced can be a roll of the dice. A lot depends on how good your lawyer is, as well as what the judge thinks.
Right! Plus the torture of living with someone who feels trapped by being with you. Even if things turn out okay, you're potentially losing years of your life to living in a tense situation. Not worth it..
Some marriages really do work out, and some long-term relationships work out, too. But if you're still in the dating stages, and you're feeling iffy about the relationship, or you're hoping that marriage or children will solve something that isn't going well in the relationship, then that's not a good sign.
moneybags
04-19-2021, 08:21 PM
I don't understand why a lot of formerly married men come out as damaged goods after they marry then divorce.
Not all, but generally speaking, divorced people don’t go to therapy and do “the work” to heal.
miss.a.p1600
04-20-2021, 08:09 AM
In terms of divorce, you would expect the spouse who was earning less money to come out better, but nothing is guaranteed. Unless you have a valid prenuptial agreement, getting divorced can be a roll of the dice. A lot depends on how good your lawyer is, as well as what the judge thinks.
Very true.
As mentioned above people are their best selves when dating but you can sometimes see the worst in people during a divorce. Unskilled lawyers can cost you what you’re reasonably entitled to, biased judges can side with the “enemy”, n Unsavory people know how to evade laws n they won’t be forced to do something the law tells them to do whether it’s split coins or take care of their obligations
miss.a.p1600
04-20-2021, 08:14 AM
Not all, but generally speaking, divorced people don’t go to therapy and do “the work” to heal.
And money wise? I suppose emotional health is also tied to financial health?
But I guess I’m confused how a lot of men seem financially ravaged after divorce. Like if they were spending on their wives and paying for the household (which is a certain percent out if their income already) why do they act like the life is sucked out if them when they divorce and split some coins (since they were splitting coins already when married right?)
miss.a.p1600
04-20-2021, 08:15 AM
Not all, but generally speaking, divorced people don’t go to therapy and do “the work” to heal.
I think it could be court-ordered during a divorce process
but then again how effective would therapy be if you’re being “forced” to go?
carmen_b
04-20-2021, 10:44 AM
Agreed. If they are struggling with this it's a red flag that they were not taking great care of former partner.
^ That's IF she agreed to not earning herself and depending on him ( which is never a good idea in my opinion other than first 2-3 years of a childs life ).
And money wise? I suppose emotional health is also tied to financial health?
But I guess I’m confused how a lot of men seem financially ravaged after divorce. Like if they were spending on their wives and paying for the household (which is a certain percent out if their income already) why do they act like the life is sucked out if them when they divorce and split some coins (since they were splitting coins already when married right?)
Raziel
04-20-2021, 11:36 AM
And money wise? I suppose emotional health is also tied to financial health?
Yeah, I would agree with that. Emotions are fine, we need them, but we need FOOD too, and a roof!. So...
rickdugan
04-20-2021, 12:19 PM
But I guess I’m confused how a lot of men seem financially ravaged after divorce. Like if they were spending on their wives and paying for the household (which is a certain percent out if their income already) why do they act like the life is sucked out if them when they divorce and split some coins (since they were splitting coins already when married right?)
It's really just math. When a divorce occurs, the same amount of income is supporting two households instead of one, including two mortgage/rent payments, duplicate utilities, maintenance, etc. Also two separate car and homeowner's insurance policies (including loss of bulk pricing), loss of economies of scale from bulk grocery shopping and other things I could probably think of with a bit more effort.
In a solid majority of these marriages, the husband is making more than the wife. So when the divorce occurs, the husband has to pony up (sometimes a lot) to help with the new household expenses via court ordered child support and alimony payments.
Now I'm not saying that any of this is wrong, especially when there are kids involved. I'm merely pointing out that divorce is economically harmful for everyone involved as there are more bills drawing from the same bucket.
miss.a.p1600
04-20-2021, 01:16 PM
^so this is IF a guy is a high earner, stay at home wife .... where alimony is required. But isn’t that only like a year or short period if time. Men are not paying to sustain their ex wife’s indefinitely unless they have some shitty lawyer
Child support is pretty much standard in any end of relationship with kids. And it’s only a small percent of their income
But perhaps you have a good point which is why many high value women refuse to date divorced men and/or men with kids.....unless they can bounce back emotionally n financially from their exes, etc.
And my next question (you mention about 1 household supporting 1 family under 1 roof vs 2) is do you think people are marrying for economic reasons? And how can this be beneficial?
rickdugan
04-20-2021, 03:00 PM
^so this is IF a guy is a high earner, stay at home wife .... where alimony is required. But isn’t that only like a year or short period if time. Men are not paying to sustain their ex wife’s indefinitely unless they have some shitty lawyer
Child support is pretty much standard in any end of relationship with kids. And it’s only a small percent of their income
But perhaps you have a good point which is why many high value women refuse to date divorced men and/or men with kids.....unless they can bounce back emotionally n financially from their exes, etc.
And my next question (you mention about 1 household supporting 1 family under 1 roof vs 2) is do you think people are marrying for economic reasons? And how can this be beneficial?
Well, it doesn't have to be as drastic as a high earner/stay at home wife. If the differential is significant enough and they were married for a long time, alimony can go on potentially for years.
I'd also add that child support can be significant and comes out of GROSS income, not net. So if a guy is shelling out 25% of his pre-tax income in child support (which is not uncommon with multiple kids) it can be a much higher % of his take home pay. Then add any other court ordered payments, like alimony, and he could easily see his take home pay cut by 35-40% or more.
As far as marriage for economic reasons, idk. I don't think most marriages happen purely for economic reasons, but I suspect that economics play a role in some people's desire to get/stay married. If I had to peg one factor as the biggest, IMHO kids are the driving factor behind many marriages and that involves a lot of different things - economic stability to bear the costs, two parents to care for them and, for some, a cultural desire to raise them in an intact home.
Anyway, just my :twocents: fwiw.
DeathAndTaxes
04-20-2021, 03:54 PM
NVM post deleted
jack0177057
04-26-2021, 06:25 PM
You hear people say they don't believe in marriage and they will never marry, but, then they pair with someone and they live together. Just because you don't call it 'marriage' and don't make it official, doesn't mean you can avoid all the drama of living with someone and sharing space, income and property. If you do not believe in marriage, then, avoid also cohabitation and avoid sharing any income and assets.
BambiCutie
04-26-2021, 06:42 PM
If you do not believe in marriage, then, avoid also cohabitation and avoid sharing any income and assets.
Lived with an ex for a little over 4 years and the comparison between living together in a marriage vs relationship (Personally speaking) is night and day for me.
Raziel
04-26-2021, 07:41 PM
Like I said, I enjoyed being married. It's nice to have a partner to be able to talk to. Explain things to, and ask questions of. I miss it terribly. But you must remember that it's not just you, you need to do the same for Her/Him. Really it's just up to the individual. There are pros and cons, same as everything else.
You sneak up behind your wife, take her into your arms and kiss her, the way she looks at you makes it all worthwhile. I'm sure Women have a different experience, but that's mine.
charlie61
04-26-2021, 08:59 PM
My last relationship lasted around 11 years, and i don't have any regrets. He was my best friend. I don't think getting married did anything for us, however. Would've been best to have left it as an LTR.
Lived with an ex for a little over 4 years and the comparison between living together in a marriage vs relationship (Personally speaking) is night and day for me.
Agreed, and this is why I'm confused by a lot of the commentary in this thread. I thought we were discussing the pros and cons of involving the law in your relationship, not the pros and cons of LTRs.
jack0177057
04-27-2021, 10:11 AM
Lived with an ex for a little over 4 years and the comparison between living together in a marriage vs relationship (Personally speaking) is night and day for me.
Maybe for you, but, the people I know that live together for many years are virtually the same as married people. Same fights over leaving the toilet seat up, one of them being too messy, one person thinks the other is not pulling their weight with household chores or contributions to expenses, one person wants to buy a very expensive entertainment system, but, the other would rather invest more on nice furniture, etc.
What really makes the difference is children. Once you have kids, whether married or not, the whole dynamic changes and you have to try harder to stay in the relationship for the benefit of the kids.
Assuming there are no kids involved, a married person can leave the relationship any time. A certificate that says you are married does not make you anyone's property or slave. If you are unhappy in a relationship, you get up and leave - whether you are married or not.
I'm curious - when you lived together with your ex, how did you determine who pays for what and who keeps what in the event of separation? Did you buy big items (furniture, TV, etc.) together or separate? Where expenses shared 50/50 or according to ability to pay (i.e., based on income comparisons)?
Did you rent or buy a home? If you bought a home: a) Whose name was it in? b) Who paid the mortgage? c) Who kept the home? d) Did the other person get anything back for their contribution to the mortgage?
Angela888
04-27-2021, 10:29 AM
Maybe for you, but, the people I know that live together for many years are virtually the same as married people. Same fights over leaving the toilet seat up, one of them being too messy, one person thinks the other is not pulling their weight with household chores or contributions to expenses, if the guy spends too much time with his friends or on video games, the gal feels neglected, etc.
What really makes the difference is children. Once you have kids, whether married or not, the whole dynamic changes and you have to try harder to stay in the relationship for the benefit of the kids.
Assuming there are no kids involved, a married person can leave the relationship any time. A certificate that says you are married does not make you anyone's property or slave. If you are unhappy in a relationship, you get up and leave - whether you are married or not.
I'm curious - when you lived together with your ex, how did you determine who pays for what and who keeps what in the event of separation? Did you buy big items (furniture, TV, etc.) together or separate? Where expenses shared 50/50 or according to ability to pay (i.e., based on income comparisons)?
Did you rent or buy a home? If you bought a home: a) Whose name was it in? b) Who paid the mortgage? c) Who kept the home? d) Did the other person get anything back for their contribution to the mortgage?
yes you can get divorced And not have issues at all... e.g me , I own lots of property I am prob worth over a million on paper but my ex husband agreed to take nothing cos he’s a good bloke. I trusted him when I married him and to this day I trust him so if you do get married ask yourself do I 100% trust this person, if you have a lot to lose I don’t know but I had lots more than him when I married him but he never took a penny . It depends on your relationship, by the way we are still very good friends x just editing this we didn’t have kids x what I’m trying to say is love is a heart thing it’s not about who has what, I loved my ex and I gave it my all and he loved me just didn’t work but just because doesn’t mean it’s always a business transaction I think that’s a gross way of looking at it, I say go with your heart I did x
charlie61
04-27-2021, 11:25 AM
Side note, one of the keys to LTR bliss/success is having separate bathrooms. If you can afford that living situation, I 100% recommend!!
Angela888
04-27-2021, 11:28 AM
Side note, one of the keys to LTR bliss/success is having separate bathrooms. If you can afford that living situation, I 100% recommend!!
Agreed and possibly a house next door too
charlie61
04-27-2021, 11:32 AM
Agreed and possibly a house next door too ����
Lol! Bathrooms can cause so many minor squabbles, or even if you don't vocalize any issues, can cause you to live with minor resentments/ disgust. If you have separate bathrooms, there are no discussions about schedules (to get ready / shower), cleaning habits (who has to clean and with what frequency), etc. It's honestly such a luxury. My current partner and i have been together for nearly four years, cohabitating for about three, and we've always had separate bathrooms. I couldn't go back to sharing!!
jack0177057
04-27-2021, 01:23 PM
Agreed and possibly a house next door too ����
This is exactly my point. Why even live together if you think marriage is a bad idea? A better option, if you want to be close to your SO, would be to buy houses next to each other or flats or apartments next to each other. The messy person in the relationship can be messy without any nagging from the clean person and the clean person in the relationship can maintain a spotless home. If the lady is very posh and the guy is a hoarder who collects old sports memorabilia and other junk, they can both be happy.
charlie61
04-27-2021, 01:26 PM
^ requires a lot of money and isn't ideal for other reasons, for a lot of folks (i certainly wouldn't want that). Might work for some couples, but certainly not all.