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xxxGothBarbie
05-24-2022, 09:10 PM
He's also on fb creating posts about me that are completely hilarious and so inaccurate it's sad. Get off your computer you boring wack ass incel and get a life. I hope he drinks himself into the ground.

Marina Starr
05-25-2022, 04:17 AM
Yeah some of it has to do with ingrained misogyny but with every single guy after the 50th time?! Lmao


i feel like this is ingrained misogyny too.

mMen making women believe we have to jump through hoops, dole out sex, and if we expect to be compensated then we are gold diggers.

ravenskyy
05-25-2022, 08:09 AM
Where do men get all of this damn audacity from? I need to know so that I can obtain some of it. This guy keeps telling me how "obsessed" he is with me, but does the most to low ball me or not spend money. He can never afford my time and keeps texting me on Skype, like my time is free. Twice now, he has contacted me between 2am and 5am, texting me and then calling me when I don't respond to texts.

1. How fucking rude! 2. If I didn't respond to texts, why the fuck do you think that I will answer your call? 3. Why the fuck are you calling me without paying me? You aren't my fucking husband, you are a broke ass bitch! 4. I am available all day and sometimes at night. If I worked from 10am to 6pm and was up until midnight, when the fuck do you think that I'm supposed to sleep???! Am I not human??? Do I not have basic human needs???

Omfg! The constant disrespect really pisses me off. It's bad enough dealing with cheap time wasters, and needy losers, but to be treated like I'm less than human really angers me. I can't imagine treating another human being this way, when they literally did nothing to deserve it. How do you not have a basic level of respect for another human being? Makes me sick. Fuck men.

carmen_b
05-25-2022, 08:13 AM
Marina I was the one who said those things about the “ hurtful “ stuff.
Maybe there was some context missing. It was regarding my experiment to “ try “ the sex thing a little faster ( since before 2019 I’d typically make the guy wait months ).

So in that case these were guys I’d hoped for a relationship with. It wasn’t 50 just to be clear . It was 3 , ha. So the context is there was dating , getting to know you ect., just slightly faster movement on the sexual front ( after a few dates or few weeks instead of months )! I hope that makes sense and I’m not trying to start an argument !
I felt like I have some great advice over there in how to sift out men who might not be good relationship options .

I have zero problems with women charging men ( for anything ) . I was speaking about experiences where I was trying to find a new partner in 2019. I put it “ out there “ too what I felt worked OR didn’t work . I do think the current dating culture is toxic.
I do think you need to spell things out for men these days.
If you tell them up front you are not wanting anything casual it will usually just run them off leaving only those looking for more serious. Unfortunately it doesn't catch them ALL ( some will still lie to you if attracted to you ) which is why I put up further screening tips there !

I hope that made sense because believe me there is not much unpaid attention going on *here*.
It was a case by case basis over the course of a year of just a little faster movement . I will say TOO that I was basically abandoned by my 7 year partner SO on a sexual front it was just taken from me ( quickly and unexpectedly )! I didn’t have anything at all Sept 2018-March 2019 so of course by *then* my own body was like “ yes let’s move a little faster “. I’d say to NOT move fast though as I mentioned !

carmen_b
05-25-2022, 08:54 AM
Raven :
I hear stuff like this and I just go back in my mind to my massage days .
I had to hack that stuff SO hard by offering better prices if they booked a couple hours AHEAD and chose a day time spot ( like 11-5 ).
It probably doesn't apply ugh but my whole thing was to try to be done with the day as soon as possible ! Like .... they could have a normal session , bikini, topless, nude, me in a strap-on ( yes that happened ha ) . Open minded .... YES . Willing to work late ...... NO !!

I would still get calls after 8 p.m. too even though all my ads said my hours ended at 7 p.m.

miss.a.p1600
05-25-2022, 09:25 AM
Yeah some of it has to do with ingrained misogyny but with every single guy after the 50th time?! Lmao

Some people learn faster than others.

My mom has been dealing with an abusive narcissist for the past 3 decades. >:(

Ugh!!!!!

I guess her learning - the hard way - is taking waaaaay longer unfortunately

Marina Starr
05-25-2022, 09:58 AM
I feel you and you do give great advice. I was just saying if women wanted a relationship with men more than just sex and made that known from the get-go and the men pretend to want the same thing when they actually just wanted the sex then that's very hurtful. In this context, I strongly believe they have to charge IF they wanted to for their time, pain and emotional distress.

I also did mention that if women knew that all men wanted was sex without any intention in having any kind of meaningful relationship yet willing to tolerate and accommodate that then they shouldn't complain about being used when they willingly put themselves in those situations with men by choice.



Marina I was the one who said those things about the “ hurtful “ stuff.
Maybe there was some context missing. It was regarding my experiment to “ try “ the sex thing a little faster ( since before 2019 I’d typically make the guy wait months ).

So in that case these were guys I’d hoped for a relationship with. It wasn’t 50 just to be clear . It was 3 , ha. So the context is there was dating , getting to know you ect., just slightly faster movement on the sexual front ( after a few dates or few weeks instead of months )! I hope that makes sense and I’m not trying to start an argument !
I felt like I have some great advice over there in how to sift out men who might not be good relationship options .

I have zero problems with women charging men ( for anything ) . I was speaking about experiences where I was trying to find a new partner in 2019. I put it “ out there “ too what I felt worked OR didn’t work . I do think the current dating culture is toxic.
I do think you need to spell things out for men these days.
If you tell them up front you are not wanting anything casual it will usually just run them off leaving only those looking for more serious. Unfortunately it doesn't catch them ALL ( some will still lie to you if attracted to you ) which is why I put up further screening tips there !

I hope that made sense because believe me there is not much unpaid attention going on *here*.
It was a case by case basis over the course of a year of just a little faster movement . I will say TOO that I was basically abandoned by my 7 year partner SO on a sexual front it was just taken from me ( quickly and unexpectedly )! I didn’t have anything at all Sept 2018-March 2019 so of course by *then* my own body was like “ yes let’s move a little faster “. I’d say to NOT move fast though as I mentioned !

moneybags
05-25-2022, 10:16 AM
Men abusing their power

I have an appointment soon to see a new doctor. It doesn’t matter what a man’s status is-actually the higher status ones are worst in terms of hiding their abuse and pretending to be “good guys”-you have to be guarded around ALL men ALL the time. I’m going no contact and I’m never looking back.

I’ve been blaming myself even though he deceived me and manipulated me I feel like it’s my fault and I don’t want to cause trouble and ruin his reputation because what he did “wasn’t that bad” . I mean he only trying to sleep with his patient….LOL. Maybe after I heal i will call the board on him, but right now I’m just focused on getting a new doctor and healing from the abuse.

Thanks for your support.

Marina Starr
05-28-2022, 06:38 PM
What are some non-fuckboys names?

miss.a.p1600
05-28-2022, 11:53 PM
I hate how men act pissy when they don’t get sex.

Okay asshole. I’m going to act pissy about not spending to my satisfaction.

How bout that!!!

indiegirl
05-28-2022, 11:59 PM
I'm over outcalls. I put my outcall rate at 800 an hour. I don't want to deal with being carted around all day BUTTTTT when I don't have an incall they all want me to have a room. Makes no sense.

~Carmen~
05-29-2022, 03:29 AM
What are some non-fuckboys names?

Andy, Barry, William, Jasper, Vincent, Ralph. Mostly old school names.

carmen_b
05-29-2022, 09:51 AM
I felt like this was my massage life everytime I worked. I used to just wait in hotel lobbies in the tourist cluster for outcall requests because I hated giving the incall money to the massage parlor. BUT then ....... often if I didn't have incall to offer then of course I'd get nothing that day but incall requests.
So lame. Obviously it was guys on vacation WITH their families haha.
I can see why you hate outcall. By the time you MOVE to them you basically lose an hour just for that.
Sometimes it was easier for me to just sit at the massage place and wait for them to wander in.



I'm over outcalls. I put my outcall rate at 800 an hour. I don't want to deal with being carted around all day BUTTTTT when I don't have an incall they all want me to have a room. Makes no sense.

carmen_b
05-29-2022, 09:53 AM
You've got to give a little to get a little . :)


I hate how men act pissy when they don’t get sex.

Okay asshole. I’m going to act pissy about not spending to my satisfaction.

How bout that!!!

Marina Starr
05-29-2022, 11:35 AM
Got the shirt so I just ordered the hat to wear EVERYDAY. Simple and sweet. Effective messaging and worth every penny.

https://i.ibb.co/0VT89TT/Screenshot-2022-05-29-2-32-09-PM.png (https://imgbb.com/)

Marina Starr
05-29-2022, 12:55 PM
Tim, Bob, Steve, Walter, Raul, Peter, Bill



Andy, Barry, William, Jasper, Vincent, Ralph. Mostly old school names.

Dreamqueen
05-29-2022, 02:47 PM
https://youtu.be/1Dx59qfVfHs "Hoes on Hormones" :rotfl:

miss.a.p1600
05-29-2022, 03:53 PM
You've got to give a little to get a little . :)

You’re 100% on point with advice.

A couple of blow jobs and I got the entire house cleaned, cooking/cleaning/groceries, apologies for acting too militant, and I added some tools to the shopping cart and made him purchase them right as he was hitting orgasm }:D

Nagging for weeks/frequent pussy protests vs 6 minutes of giving him what he wanted.

It still pisses me off that men are so damn needy. Why can’t they just do what they’re supposed to do and be more like the sexless sugar daddies :D

Cutie101
05-29-2022, 04:19 PM
You’re 100% on point with advice.

A couple of blow jobs and I got the entire house cleaned, cooking/cleaning/groceries, apologies for acting too militant, and I added some tools to the shopping cart and made him purchase them right as he was hitting orgasm }:D

Nagging for weeks/frequent pussy protests vs 6 minutes of giving him what he wanted.

It still pisses me off that men are so damn needy. Why can’t they just do what they’re supposed to do and be more like the sexless sugar daddies :D

All men are like this. Life hack for every woman: balls empty and belly full and he'll do anything.

Marina Starr
05-29-2022, 04:22 PM
You gotta hit them when they're most vulnerable: full balls and empty belly.


All men are like this. Life hack for every woman: balls empty and belly full and he'll do anything.

~Carmen~
05-29-2022, 11:35 PM
This is why sooo many men are jealous or uncomfortable when their girlfriends are sex workers. Because they wouldn't pass up sex with a sun ripened cantaloupe they assume we're the same way lol

I think that's why so many of us are single. We don't have time to deal with a man's insecurity. We deal with enough of that. Think cock ratings. LOL

They think we can't resist all the attention. The only attention we want is when they pay us.

moneybags
05-30-2022, 01:42 AM
As sexworkers we can pick up on that bad energy right away. It's not even about approaching, it's what they do around you like inching in or pretend to also look for shit on every aisle you're in.
I have no problem telling them they're being creepy as fuck and watching them move the fuck along so they KNOW they're creepy.
I say it loud so everyone in the store can hear and give them dirty looks.

Today as I walked out of Publix and walking to my car, I was not even crossing the street yet, some guy yell 'hey sexy' from his car.
I just totally ignored and give him no attention that he wanted. Mind you I was covered from head to toe so it doesn't matter how you dress.

It doesn’t matter what we wear. I need to quit dressing low key to avoid men. It makes me feel bad about myself when I look basic. I like looking nice for ME, but of course men think the only reason women look put together is because we want attention from THEM. I actually HATE attention from men unless they’re paying me. I’ll just wear what I want. You can win with the patriarchy, so you might as well just do whatever makes you happy.

I need to just be an ice queen that only cares about money. I’m actually very warm and inviting, Any kindness or sweetness is always taken forgranted or abused. I can’t anymore. Men are guilty till proven innocent in my my court. I’m tired of being abused by them.

Marina Starr
05-30-2022, 04:37 AM
We don't want to take on any man's insecurity or immaturity. Grown ass men know themselves better than we do so there's no changing them nor do we want to. We accept men as they are and charge according with taxes.

Since I became a Hoe I am now much more sex positive and somehow that makes men insecure because they feed off of sex should be taboo?! And vanilla people assumed just because you're sex positive must means you are promiscuous or have sex all the time. Ain't nothing wrong with that either but let's stay in this context.

You already know how they react if you don't graciously accept their attention with motives. Their sense of entitlement is pathetic. It brings me such joy when I tell them to go feed their bullsit to hoes that need it and get the fuck out of my face. I love talking down to horrible men but you already know this, lmao.


I think that's why so many of us are single. We don't have time to deal with a man's insecurity. We deal with enough of that. Think cock ratings. LOL

They think we can't resist all the attention. The only attention we want is when they pay us.

Marina Starr
05-30-2022, 04:59 AM
I FEEL this so much. It makes me sad that you feel bad about yourself trying to tone it down so men don't harass but I totally get it. It should be up to us to be lowkey or highkey hoes. You are gentle spirited, the opposite of me, lol. I'm extremely bitchy to men to deter but I always get more attention because they love bitchy.

I dressed very down in real life because I WANT to. I'm a high key hoe no matter how I dress and and still get so much attention because confidence attracts. As sexworkers we carry ourselves differently.


It doesn’t matter what we wear. I need to quit dressing low key to avoid men. It makes me feel bad about myself when I look basic. I like looking nice for ME, but of course men think the only reason women look put together is because we want attention from THEM. I actually HATE attention from men unless they’re paying me. I’ll just wear what I want. You can win with the patriarchy, so you might as well just do whatever makes you happy.

I need to just be an ice queen that only cares about money. I’m actually very warm and inviting, Any kindness or sweetness is always taken forgranted or abused. I can’t anymore. Men are guilty till proven innocent in my my court. I’m tired of being abused by them.

miss.a.p1600
05-30-2022, 06:48 AM
It doesn’t matter what we wear. I need to quit dressing low key to avoid men. It makes me feel bad about myself when I look basic. I like looking nice for ME, but of course men think the only reason women look put together is because we want attention from THEM. I actually HATE attention from men unless they’re paying me. I’ll just wear what I want. You can win with the patriarchy, so you might as well just do whatever makes you happy.

I need to just be an ice queen that only cares about money. I’m actually very warm and inviting, Any kindness or sweetness is always taken forgranted or abused. I can’t anymore. Men are guilty till proven innocent in my my court. I’m tired of being abused by them.

This is the same thing regarding how I feel about going braless, panty-free, or nude

Men are automatically going to sexually harass

I can’t even do the above 3 without my partner auto assuming I want to fuck him or other dudes if I go out in public.

Their dumb asses ALWAYS think our behaviors are sexually motivated for their pleasure.

Like no asshole have you ever thought that bras, panties and even some clothes are uncomfortable?!? The shit is for MY comfort not for your sexual pleasure (unless I tell you otherwise)

whirlerz
05-30-2022, 08:25 AM
So yesterday, a guy knocked on my door, he was a lawn mower, wanted to let someone know he's scooping out to see the area to be mowed.
Literally, it's also a foot high..approximately an acre, or just over..

We walk around & talk, 'someone from the village' called him & asked him to look at for a quote..

If the price is right, I guess they'll pay & he comes back & mows..

Told him I'm not the owner, he asked me where to park and I showed him..

I was sound asleep when he knocked, it was ok but I wasn't really thinking straight.

I should have gotten his #.

Anyway, no sign of him, said it'd be today.

By him mentioning the village tells me that a neighbor reported it, I'm also on a local site & it was discussed that people don't like super high grass..not a good thing.

Also, I've a feeling he's not coming, I mean height of the grass + the large area, he's not going to to do it cheap so..

Idk if I should tell landlord or not, ugh I don't want to be involved, he was here recently, we discussed it briefly, but he doesn't seem too concerned.

Update : Well, he's not gonna show, which pisses me off, I was awakened yesterday for nothing, was trying to sleep a few hrs, then cam.
Which I did, but by the time I woke up again, it was much too late.>:(
Nobody's gonna mow an acre+ of 3ft high grass for cheap, TF? >:(

Update 2: IT'S MOWED, THE MOWERS CAME, YESSSSS!!!;D

Marina Starr
05-30-2022, 09:13 AM
Some fuckboy wanted to holler at Starbucks this morning so I told him 'Not today!'.

https://i.ibb.co/3yFkrH6/giphy.gif (https://imgbb.com/)

moneybags
05-30-2022, 11:14 AM
Some fuckboy wanted to holler at Starbucks this morning so I told him 'Not today!'.

https://i.ibb.co/3yFkrH6/giphy.gif (https://imgbb.com/)

I’m gonna channel your energy when deal with fuckboys

miss.a.p1600
05-30-2022, 01:48 PM
You gotta hit them when they're most vulnerable: full balls and empty belly.

Ahahahaha. That’s my logic but they seem vulnerable and pissy not vulnerable and agreeable

Im going to try cutie methods and if I see ANY opposition then I’m going back to your method Marina (my original method) because I hate to give them what they want first then be left holding the bag (and now they’re too tired to do what I want or keep stalling and now I gave a free orgasm and got nothing in return)

Nah bruh you give me what I want first then you get the goods.

If we have to go the other way around I ask point blank “what’s in it for me?” And let him tell me all the things he is going to do IMMEDIATELY after the orgasm. Just like I made him order all the tools I wanted then complete the transaction while in post orgasm compliance.

Pussy doesn’t like to be strung along, lied to, and manipulated - and she will shut down the entire operation with or without my consent.

#complianceorpussystrike

Marina Starr
05-30-2022, 03:45 PM
I'm already LMFAO with the thought of what I wanna do with this. I want to ask each fuckboy that hit on me out of these seven pros, what would they choose if they can only choose THREE and WHY!

https://i.ibb.co/jkK4KS7/Screenshot-2022-05-30-6-41-08-PM.png (https://ibb.co/232K2TX)

Marina Starr
05-30-2022, 07:24 PM
Good morning, good afternoon and good evening!

https://i.ibb.co/DLMGQZp/Color-pink.jpg (https://ibb.co/JCpxH9Q)

AuroraJade
05-31-2022, 01:28 PM
My husband is driving me to insanity sometimes. Hes probably the biggest narcissist ever. Im happy as a clam full of positive energy he comes home and BAM NEGATIVITY. Get dumped all the negative work stories and have to sit there and reaffirm him into how great he is. He never says Im great just that I am 'not that smart' and he is smarter, that im 'trashy' et cetera........ he expects me to read his mind and a few weeks ago it exploded and he threw a car remote at my head because I didnt hand it to him, his excuse was stress at work. He has a lot of stress at work , I admit that, but he cant regulate it and it affects me now too.

Last time we fucked was April yes I kept count. He is 'too tired' to have sex or he is stoned bc he has a serious weed problem so he cant keep his dick up. I dont even wanna bang him anymore because he doesn't take his hygiene too seriously and he is the worst in bed, like ever. Cant get me off and lasts for 2 mins tops. Gropes me all day tho so thats not the problem..... to the point where it gets annoying but I dont wanna tell him to stop bc that might spark a divorce talk and im not ready for that yet.

Doesnt even help me around the house (I cam a lot and im in intensive therapy) because his job is apparently the hardest in the world and he is not grown up enough to understand people with jobs sometimes have to do stuff in the weekends besides gaming and smoking weed.

Sometimes... I just need rest so badly. Im recovering from PTSD and Im so careful about bad vibes...

miss.a.p1600
06-01-2022, 09:24 PM
L constantly talks about his deceased mom being such a “sweet mom” and such a “great” woman.

I hate to speak ill on the dead but …….. fuck her!

This dumb broad raised a man child who has to constantly be trained on how to provide, how to fuck, how to be a masculine man.

I don’t have time for this shit! He keeps playing and I’m going to send his ass back to Bertha and let her use her negative reinforcement to harass the hell out of him for compliance.

xxxGothBarbie
06-02-2022, 09:07 AM
Ya ugh yesterday having to deal with asshole tow truck drivers , it made me not wanna work on cam bleh despite me needing to today.
As I was waiting for the tow to arrive, some ugly mfer pulls up & says hey beautiful gotta man? I fucking snapped and screamed at him & he sped off LOL Fuck these idiots ugh! Now is NOT the time pussyface!

I hate men, I need to watch I spit on your grave again & fast forward it to the revenge scenes where she cuts his dick off in the tub & leaves him there to bleed out. Men deserve this so much right now for the way they treat women.

miss.a.p1600
06-05-2022, 07:47 AM
I swear 90% of men have got to be the most idiotic people on the planet.

I’m in my car and some asshole man comes and squeezes his mega pickup next to my car then hits my car with his car door and had the gall to just walk off.

I got out and said “excuse me sir you just hit my car with your door”

First he minimizes it then finally he apologizes.

His bitch ass should have parked his dump truck in a more open parking area. And if that was the only spot he should have shimmied out.

Cotdamn mf! If he would have just apologized in the first place instead of thinking he’s going to walk off with no accountability/wasting my time with excuses then our interaction would have been brief to none.

Idiot!!!

moneybags
06-05-2022, 09:53 PM
I was having a great day until a guy said something to me…. Please if you see me and you think I’m beautiful just keep it to yourself. I don’t want to talk to you because 99.99% it just a man trying to get something from me. It’s almost never an innocent compliment or polite conversation.

Dear goddesses, pray for me that I shall be able to avoid toxic men. If I can’t avoid them give me the strength and tenacity to deal with them. I am tired of dealing with men.

miss.a.p1600
06-05-2022, 09:54 PM
Take your bitch ass to sleep!!!!

Marina Starr
06-06-2022, 08:54 AM
I wonder why men don't say hi or compliment other men like they do with women in public spaces?


I was having a great day until a guy said something to me…. Please if you see me and you think I’m beautiful just keep it to yourself. I don’t want to talk to you because 99.99% it just a man trying to get something from me. It’s almost never an innocent compliment or polite conversation.

Dear goddesses, pray for me that I shall be able to avoid toxic men. If I can’t avoid them give me the strength and tenacity to deal with them. I am tired of dealing with men.

ravenskyy
06-06-2022, 09:15 AM
I wish someone would believe when I tell them how fucked up my husband is. I literally screamed at him Thursday because I was so depressed and angry with him. I do everything. I deal with everything. Every bill. Every bit of bad news. All the debt. I see the finances and how wrecked we are and he won't even check the bank account. He just swipes the card. He thinks money is always there. MOTHERFUCKER! Will you fucking LOOK!!!??? I screamed and yelled and told him that he doesn't love me and he's just sitting by and watching me drown.

That was Thursday. He has not attempted to talk to me about it or make any changes. He just shelves it and pretends like it never happened. How does someone live like this??? I have no one to talk to. I have tried talking to his parents, but they aren't doing anything. This is THEIR fucking fault!!! They made this spoiled, lazy, entitled fucking brat! Nothing I say or do is fixing anything.

I've ruined my life by marrying this man. I've gone through 4 different antidepressants, I'm overweight and borderline pre-diabetic. I have no friends. No family. I have 2 kids with this man, so I'll be stuck with him forever. And no matter who I talk to, no one fucking believes me when I tell them how awful he is. This marriage is toxic and abusive. He keeps digging us into a bigger financial hole and expecting me to fill it. And then he's watching me lose my mind and isn't doing anything about it. He just wakes up every day and does the bare minimum.

I feel like I'm mean and angry all the time. I always feel bad for my attitude and behavior, but then I remember that this is me reacting to the trauma. I'm basically a scared animal that has been backed into a corner. I know that this behavior isn't like me, but it's all I know now. I'm using what little defense I have left to protect myself, so I lash out at everyone and then beat myself up over it later. I keep to myself more and listen to audiobooks to try and distract myself from the dumpster fire that is my life.

All I have is myself, my pets and my baby. I really want to just take them and run away from here.

carmen_b
06-06-2022, 09:18 AM
^ He sounds toxic ( which I'm sure you already know ).
I really think all you can do here is set a 1-2 week " set of rules " starting with he can't spend what HE personally doesn't make.
If he doesn't meet your demands to get his finances in order ( work more hours / start a side hustle WHATEVER ) get your plan to leave him going.

Are you making like 75% of the money and he is like 25% ( I'm gathering a low for him ratio based on the post ).

I'd give him ONE WEEK to get his plan presented to you on bringing it to 50/50 or tell him you will be leaving.

ravenskyy
06-06-2022, 09:29 AM
^ He sounds toxic ( which I'm sure you already know ).
I really think all you can do here is set a 1-2 week " set of rules " starting with he can't spend what HE personally doesn't make.
If he doesn't meet your demands to get his finances in order ( work more hours / start a side hustle WHATEVER ) get your plan to leave him going.

Are you making like 75% of the money and he is like 25% ( I'm gathering a low for him ratio based on the post ).

I'd give him ONE WEEK to get his plan presented to you on bringing it to 50/50 or tell him you will be leaving.

The problem is that I have nowhere to go. It's an empty threat because I'm stuck. We're down to one car, we're behind on almost every bill and we both need to be in this house to work because we both work from home. He used to make $85k and he left that job for something that pays $47k. He completely screwed us over and he knows it. And I have the ability to make $60k+, but I'm so tired and damaged by the last 2 years that I can barely get out of bed in the morning and he knew that before he quit his last job. He's just watching me drown underneath all of these responsibilities and he does nothing!

And I have nowhere to go and no one to turn to. It's just me and I'm failing so damn hard. I used to be able to fix all of the problems but I seriously can't anymore and it's destroying me.

carmen_b
06-06-2022, 09:30 AM
^ Take the car haha.

If you do not want to get in motion to leave him I would talk to him about each of you starting to make at least 55-60 a year.
That amount will run a household well . You mention having a child so if you are working make sure he is sharing the domestic labor also.

I'm mean .... you could make it work but if you don't *want* to then also put a plan B type of action in motion .
Start applying for affordable solo apartments on the sly as sometimes it can be a 30-45 day wait anyway to get into somewhere.
Get yourself on a few of those lists in case.

moneybags
06-06-2022, 12:15 PM
I wish someone would believe when I tell them how fucked up my husband is. I literally screamed at him Thursday because I was so depressed and angry with him. I do everything. I deal with everything. Every bill. Every bit of bad news. All the debt. I see the finances and how wrecked we are and he won't even check the bank account. He just swipes the card. He thinks money is always there. MOTHERFUCKER! Will you fucking LOOK!!!??? I screamed and yelled and told him that he doesn't love me and he's just sitting by and watching me drown.

That was Thursday. He has not attempted to talk to me about it or make any changes. He just shelves it and pretends like it never happened. How does someone live like this??? I have no one to talk to. I have tried talking to his parents, but they aren't doing anything. This is THEIR fucking fault!!! They made this spoiled, lazy, entitled fucking brat! Nothing I say or do is fixing anything.

I've ruined my life by marrying this man. I've gone through 4 different antidepressants, I'm overweight and borderline pre-diabetic. I have no friends. No family. I have 2 kids with this man, so I'll be stuck with him forever. And no matter who I talk to, no one fucking believes me when I tell them how awful he is. This marriage is toxic and abusive. He keeps digging us into a bigger financial hole and expecting me to fill it. And then he's watching me lose my mind and isn't doing anything about it. He just wakes up every day and does the bare minimum.

I feel like I'm mean and angry all the time. I always feel bad for my attitude and behavior, but then I remember that this is me reacting to the trauma. I'm basically a scared animal that has been backed into a corner. I know that this behavior isn't like me, but it's all I know now. I'm using what little defense I have left to protect myself, so I lash out at everyone and then beat myself up over it later. I keep to myself more and listen to audiobooks to try and distract myself from the dumpster fire that is my life.

All I have is myself, my pets and my baby. I really want to just take them and run away from here.

I believe you. We have support group. Just sign up through pineapple https://pineapplesupport.org/support-groups/

I just “got out of a toxic situationship” well I’m still seeing him as my doctor but I’ve set boundaries with him. I totally detach from his BS. It’s a lot healthier, but wow it’s hard to see him and set boundaries with him and with myself. I quit telling him anything personal and don’t emotionally engage. Gray rock.

If you can’t leave you can at least use what little energy you have to self-care and detach.

It’s not going to change overnight, but I’ve seen women take their kids and leave. It’s hard, but you can do it. I’m not telling you what to do because each of journeys are different.

I believe you! I know how hard it is to leave! It took me over 10 years to recover from my abusive marriage. I spent years paying off our debt from the divorce and in 12 step coda and ACA meetings for 5 years everyday! I didn’t have kids, but my friend I met in a domestic violence support group did. I didn’t have kids so I helped her. God works in mysterious ways. God always took care of her and me.

It’s okay to be where you are right now. I’m sorry. It’s not your fault. We’re programmed as women to get married and have kids. We’re socialized and conditioned to be “codependent” on men because it’s serves the patriarchy. To some degree we can say men are programmed the same way, but I’m not gonna go there.

I’m really sorry. If you can do anything to take a break and get a woman’s domestic violence support group. I think that would help. For the record, my ex never hit me, but I wish he would have! He was so abusive but be never hit me so I didn’t think I was that bad. It was just as bad!

So I’ll leave you with what my DV therapist said to me: “you don’t have to see the whole staircase you just have to take the first step in faith.” MLK

I believe you. It’s not your fault. You deserve better. I’ll be praying for you.

xxxGothBarbie
06-06-2022, 12:39 PM
I say take a leave of absence from him and if that means leave the home for a week at a time in a cheap airbnb do so. Start cutting him off from shit in the home such as things that are running up the bills. Being stuck sucks :(
Hopefully you're able to figure something out soon.

moneybags
06-06-2022, 12:57 PM
I say take a leave of absence from him and if that means leave the home for a week at a time in a cheap airbnb do so. Start cutting him off from shit in the home such as things that are running up the bills. Being stuck sucks :(
Hopefully you're able to figure something out soon.

Amen. If you can get away to take a break that would be good. Honestly, you could probably go to the DV shelter for a week. They might have childcare and classes. Just to get your mind right and your spirit up. Trust me no one will ask, “Did he hit you?” They all understand that DV isn’t just physical abuse. I stayed longer than I should have “because it’s not that bad.” My abuser ranked just as high as a physical abuser. He emotionally,
Psychologically, emotionally, and sexually abused me.

https://www.abuseandrelationships.org/Content/Resources/MOSAIC.html

Cutie101
06-06-2022, 01:48 PM
Barbie has a great point, @ravenskyy!

Are you able to cam away from the house? You can slowly try to bring the idea that you need to work somewhere else to mentally detach bla bla bla. I rented a separate camming space because i couldn't work from same bedroom i sleep anymore. It only brought me more money, because it's quiet, it's just me and I am forced to have a schedule because I gotta pay rent and utilities here too, so basically once I get here, I have no choice but work. At home I'd take endless breaks and I'd end up being more tired than I am now. I don't know where you live or how cheap is the rent around there, but maybe start with a studio apartament till you can save more for a 2 bedroom, for the time you're ready to take the kids and vanish.

You get what to tell him, make it sound like YOU are stressed because you work from home and maybe you need a different space. Then slowly move your shit there and then ultimately take your kids and off you go. Probably gonna take months, because you need to save. Maybe you're able to get a car. There are tons of really good cars at $7-$10k, only 4-5 years old. It would be a cheap monthly payment. And yes, by renting a separate space and getting a car, call it a work investment and take it from his spending. "Sorry hun, $2000 per month less for you, I gotta invest in my job to make more money since you bring shit".

Basically make it sound like you're trying to make more money so both of you have a better life and not need to argue. Bullshit him to the moon and back, so he doesn't get suspicious or stop you from working outside the house.

I am confident you'd be able to make it because without him, you'd definitely keep more of the money.
That would be a long term solution but the only one that could actually help you make your way out without being slowed down or turned back.

If you need to leave quick, unfortunately I have no input... maybe others can help better, as my solution long term, since it's not easy to pay extra rent, utilities and maybe leasing for one more car AND save on top of that. But it's doable, since you already have a good income.

chanzep
06-06-2022, 02:08 PM
Im sorry your going through this Ravenskyy. If I were you I would open another checking account. Put all your money in it. Don't give him access to your money. Also one of you should move out . Should be him. I'm not sure what the law is on this. File divorce when you can. No man should have you like this.

xxxGothBarbie
06-06-2022, 02:32 PM
Im sorry your going through this Ravenskyy. If I were you I would open another checking account. Put all your money in it. Don't give him access to your money. Also one of you should move out . Should be him. I'm not sure what the law is on this. File divorce when you can. No man should have you like this.


^ Yes! Def a great idea to keep your money separate from his until you can get everything figured out. It's YOUR money , afterall, why shouldn't you be the only one with access to it. His lazy ass needs to be cut off financially unless it's for food/rent purposes bc you guys are under the same roof & married. Slowly cut him off from all of that. Whatever bills your card/money is attatched to change it asap & make it to his info primary default instead of yours, that way your money isn't gonna get sucked out first. Outsmart the fucker :P
I bet he'll start earning more once his ass isn't getting a free ride!

You got this girl <3

moneybags
06-06-2022, 02:59 PM
Yeah. Definitely don’t tell him what you’re up to. I told my ex I was going to bible study to learn how to be a better wife…LOL. I was really going to support group to get away from him.

You got this!

P.S camming and stripping is legal. He can’t use that against you in court either. I would start taking to lawyers now. Just so you can prepare. Word of the wise. Don’t talk about divorce. Just serve him papers.

miss.a.p1600
06-06-2022, 03:40 PM
^agree. If men know you’re trying to leave them they might act petty and sabotage your exit plans.

If having rational conversations don’t work, then you gotta do what you gotta do.