View Full Version : 30 With No Desire For Kids
Luci Fer
11-05-2021, 04:21 AM
cutiecam, I can relate too, thinking of the same reasons, plus several others (like the world nowadays is not the best place for that)
I also don't like the idea of ruining my health for kids. My previous gynecologist told me my body needs it, she literally said 'your body needs to work it through' as if it was a machine.
fuck you, doc. lol
My friend had an interesting convo in fb with her friend who got married and his wife got a kid. He jokingly asked her when she was gonna have a baby and she said 'not gonna do it' He started to shame her and she said something like 'I am fine being with myself and doing whatever I want' and he said that he was actually very jealous and shaming her only because he hated his current situation and considered her childfree position was unfair comparing to his. He said 'I can't even go and buy snacks for myself now, because it is supposed to be 'for us', and when I do something for myself, my wife gets mad. So when I see you having no children, I just want you to suffer the way I do.'
My friend was :O
So it's not for everyone, I personally haven't seen a lot of families who were cool with kids, and this is sad, almost all of them are yelling and treat them worse than dogs in disgustingly commanding manner. I made my choice at very early age, and I don't regret. I am now 30ish and don't plan to have kids... well unless prince William proposes me and asks for them ;D Then I might consider hahahaha
miss.a.p1600
11-05-2021, 06:11 AM
I have no desire for step kids
Luci Fer
11-05-2021, 06:40 AM
I have no desire for step kids
ugh, they all look cool and nice only on magazine covers and post cards for me ;D
DonaDiabla
11-05-2021, 01:55 PM
Personally, I believe that having children is an choice. I believe it's great for everyone to make the right choice for them. I didn't want children in my 20s at all. I didn't want be burden with severe poverty. Most people in my family who have children are married and have great jobs. Particularly amongst my cousins who tons of children but they have good jobs and good spouses.Actually, I will be having children between 39 to 41. I wanted to be an "late-in life" mother. After everything in my life is secure for me.
whirlerz
11-05-2021, 02:20 PM
Donna!
Please get in touch!
OK, to the topic, no kids here, no plans of, unless I'm open to being step mom
LoveyD
11-05-2021, 02:41 PM
I have no desire for step kids
Been there. It's a thankless task. I wasn't stepmom, but I was Dad's girlfriend.
Luci Fer
11-07-2021, 07:03 PM
Personally, I believe that having children is an choice. I believe it's great for everyone to make the right choice for them. I didn't want children in my 20s at all. I didn't want be burden with severe poverty. Most people in my family who have children are married and have great jobs. Particularly amongst my cousins who tons of children but they have good jobs and good spouses.Actually, I will be having children between 39 to 41. I wanted to be an "late-in life" mother. After everything in my life is secure for me.
For some reason I think that it's probably the most perfect age to be a mum, because not only you are established, but have enough wisdom and patience for kids. And I totally agree, it's a choice.
My significant other and I have been together for 12 years. Over the past year or two, he's expressed a desire to have kids. I've never had a maternal instinct. I've always heard: 1. You ll regret not having them. 2. You may not like other kids but you will love your own 3. You're selfish if you don't have them, kids are a blessing. Etc.
I have a long list of reasons I don't want them. My mental health is my biggest obstacle. At 30, my career has never been better and it fulfills me. I'm also not up for the challenge of being a great parent. I've never once wanted one. Kids just aren't for me.
Anyone else here relate or have experience with this situation?
I say as long as u feel u don’t want them dont have them. Also my cousin and lots of people have given birth at 40 so u still have time if u want them in future. I have two and both times my body and mind was so needing a baby and now I just gave birth like 8 months ago I don’t feel that desire at all. But like if I ever do again I’ll have them. For me I go on my feelings not what others think and I think that’s what we should all do, eff everyone else they don’t have to take care of what comes outta u lol
Im also 30, with no desire for kids.I dont really like kids. But i like silence and dogs. And honestly,i dont trust anyone. I also dont really believe in relationships.Find a good man is about luck and lot of work .. Once, i did read an article about the oldest woman on earth and they asked her for recipe on a long life and she said " i never been married.. i believe i live so long,because i didnt have nerves with a man" - and i totally believe her.
Maybe it is selfish,but im more oriented on my spiritual side of life (not extremely) -i just love myself and my life just how it is. And we are lucky to live in that part of the world,where we have a freedom of choice and im totally grateful for it. But ,im fascinated and curious about the process of birth and everything,i just dont want to sacrifice my life.
SnuffleUffleGrass
11-11-2021, 09:53 AM
I might be threadjacking here but the Netflix series "Maid" is like a huge advisory against single parenthood. Kids are a lot of work and responsibility.
carmen_b
11-11-2021, 09:57 AM
^ Yes ! Watch it !
Tyna : I know what you mean. I am child free and into self development. I love having the time for yoga , gym , meditation . I really love being child free.
My partner has a child and I’m a “ diet / light “ step mom ha . I’m doing my own thing half the time so it gives them lots of space. I am not one of those in your face step moms getting involved with PTA ect .! Ha!
We have her 13 days a month usually . Honestly this experience makes me even more secure in the decision to not have my own kids.
I also like that she is mature ( not one of those hyper easy to hate kids )!
I honestly couldn’t do it if she wasn’t mellow, or younger , or if we had her more often. It’s just the accurate way how I feel.
My partner very openly does not want more either.
I love having time to myself and have other family ties to enjoy.
carmen_b
11-11-2021, 10:01 AM
My gay friend wanted to have a baby with me and presented a better plan than anyone I’ve ever dated long term.
He had a savings set up and a plan in mind to split the time. He even had thought of the fact that I might want help sometimes ( work hours ect ) and felt like he could swing a part time nanny for BOTH of our times.
^ Better prep and temptation to go through with it than ANY guy I’ve been with !!!!
SnuffleUffleGrass
11-11-2021, 10:08 AM
My gay friend wanted to have a baby with me and presented a better plan than anyone I’ve ever dated long term.
He had a savings set up and a plan in mind to split the time. He even had thought of the fact that I might want help sometimes ( work hours ect ) and felt like he could swing a part time nanny .
^ Better prep and temptation to go through with it than ANY guy I’ve been with !!!!
Honestly that's sweet and I wish a now-deceased gay acquaintance of mine had done an agreement to have a kid with someone. He just died too young to entertain the notion. Sorry don't wanna get too downer here.
Back on topic, ESPECIALLY now, I am grateful I skipped having a kid. I'm sorry but no part of me wanted any of that. It's just too controversial to say that.
carmen_b
11-11-2021, 10:09 AM
^ I also don’t feel I’m missing out.
I’m not sure why this is so controversial in our society!
Child free women have such value. We can be great friends , aunties , ect.!
We can give you a much needed break. Don’t ruin it with attempts to guilt us. :)
SnuffleUffleGrass
11-11-2021, 10:17 AM
^ I also don’t feel I’m missing out.
I’m not sure why this is so controversial in our society!
Here's part of it...an example from my own life
My best friend almost gave her firstborn son up for adoption but she literally changed her mind when she was birthing. (She didn't realize she was going to have an emotional reaction to having the baby despite promising the baby to a waiting couple.)
Long story short keeping him was the wrong choice for her. It made her life really hard, she wasn't ready to be a parent, and her son ended up with some of the severe mental issues she suffered from....Basically (it sounds harsh but) my friend perpetuated the cycle of family dysfunction in her life, by having a kid she was not ready for.
YES I do have friends and family who are happy parents, I'm not all doom and gloom about parenthood. But let's stop lying as a society and think childbearing will fix broken people. Don't do that to a kid, seriously.
Aurora_Sunset
11-14-2021, 06:14 PM
^^I think society has really hyped this idea that people "learn to grow up" when they have a kid - especially men - and it's just not true. All that phrase really means is that they might stop "partying" because they have to work all the time to pay for a kid. But, in regards to everything else, they just end up passing on their dysfunction to their children. If you're not ready to mature on your own, having a kid won't change the timeline of your personal growth. If anything, it might stunt it further because you get locked into a cycle of just existing and "getting by" instead of having the time and resources to explore yourself.