View Full Version : Men and Dutch Dates
carmen_b
11-24-2021, 09:01 AM
^ I have never had anyone do that ha.
I do offer to split though usually on the first date or 2 .
I remember I posted in the 2018 dating thread about this guy in his 50's ( I decided to go up to 15 years " up " looking for some good treatment haha ) that he let me split it.
It wasn't huge at all maybe $25 each so not a big deal.
I think he was a nice person all in all.
He got that date with me because he did the things I like ( ask ahead , good plan , and smooth style ) !
But .... no 2nd date, ha !
So I learned the lesson that day that just because someone is older than you it doesn't mean they are really that more financially well off. It can increase the odds but it's not 100% !
SnuffleUffleGrass
11-24-2021, 10:40 AM
I've done dutch dates & it was no biggie.
Marina Starr
11-24-2021, 02:10 PM
I totally agree with being upfront.
However for me, if a man asked me out I'm expecting him to pay. If he wants to go Dutch when it's time to pay, I have no problem going Dutch BUT he won't get another date from me. I can't accept when a man tells me my salad was $15. His steak was $25. Let's each pay our own. I will not accept that.
I strongly believe that if a man is tight with his money, he'll also tight with his love and affection. Men that are tight with their money aren't just tight in that department.
By tight I mean more than capable of paying but demonstrating they're not gentlemen.
I also like to add IF you are okay going Dutch the person who desires to go Dutch needs to say that upfront BEFORE the date happens. So it’s known what to expect and each party can agree to it or not before leaving out the house to go on the date.
Nothing worse than rightfully expecting a dude to pay then they spring the “oh do you mind if we go Dutch?” at the end of the meal.
kimbe
11-24-2021, 02:15 PM
I strongly believe that if a man is tight with his money, he'll also tight with his love and affection. Men that are tight with their money aren't just tight in that department.
By tight I mean more than capable of paying but demonstrating they're not gentlemen.
So true! It’s usually not a money issue, it’s personality.
Marina Starr
11-24-2021, 02:48 PM
True dat!
Right from Merriam-Webster:
per·son·al·i·ty
noun
the combination of characteristics or qualities that form an individual's distinctive character.
So true! It’s usually not a money issue, it’s personality.
chanzep
11-24-2021, 07:54 PM
Girls have told me they prefer to go dutch so they don't feel pressured putting out especially the first couple dates. Most of them are vanilla hoes.
And here I'm thinking 'oh girl, all men want to fuck you first whether they want something serious or not is something they'll think about later. Dutch or no Dutch.'
There's absolutely nothing wrong with putting out the first date either but I hope he didn't take you to McDonalds. Think of your pussy as a Mercedes, if he could get a Mercedes for couple of bucks how would he treat it?
The majority of men would fuck you if they could get away with no dates, no pay or doing as little as possible or nothing at all. It's not my problem if they expected sex and not getting it after paying. I don't have to fulfill their expectation or entitlement. If a man expects sex just because he's paying, he's a CLIENT.
Facts
chanzep
11-24-2021, 07:59 PM
Men are always looking to get over on women, they all have what's in it for me attitude. I don't mind coffee or lunch for the first date, because I like being able to do a quick exit if they bore me. Do NOT care if they expect sex, I will date a guy for 6 months and not have sex with him. Them expecting sex or demanding it within a few dates tells me their true intentions.
Men only appreciate what they have to work for, if they can get sex or their emotional needs met without spending money, energy or time then that is a win for them and they move onto the next gal.
And it is simple, if they can't afford to date and pay for dinner and such. Then their top priority is to find a better job, side hustle and such rather than focus on getting laid. We all work hard, put in the time to make our bag. There is nothing wrong with holding a man to the same standard.
Cause in the end what we are talking about is standard of living. I work hard to live a life of luxury, if he can't meet me half way then he will pull a gal down to his level. Time & energy are precious to me, time it takes to go on a date could be time spent on cam or OF making money.
If a man really wants you then he will find the time, the money. Or he will have an imagination and plan a good date that is fun and adventurous. Doesn't have to be expensive, but something fun at the very least. Which let's be honest, dinner or food can be a boring date. Men who put no effort into dating me, don't have a place in my life.
This 100
whirlerz
11-24-2021, 10:02 PM
Men are always looking to get over on women, they all have what's in it for me attitude. I don't mind coffee or lunch for the first date, because I like being able to do a quick exit if they bore me. Do NOT care if they expect sex, I will date a guy for 6 months and not have sex with him. Them expecting sex or demanding it within a few dates tells me their true intentions.
Men only appreciate what they have to work for, if they can get sex or their emotional needs met without spending money, energy or time then that is a win for them and they move onto the next gal.
And it is simple, if they can't afford to date and pay for dinner and such. Then their top priority is to find a better job, side hustle and such rather than focus on getting laid. We all work hard, put in the time to make our bag. There is nothing wrong with holding a man to the same standard.
Cause in the end what we are talking about is standard of living. I work hard to live a life of luxury, if he can't meet me half way then he will pull a gal down to his level. Time & energy are precious to me, time it takes to go on a date could be time spent on cam or OF making money.
If a man really wants you then he will find the time, the money. Or he will have an imagination and plan a good date that is fun and adventurous. Doesn't have to be expensive, but something fun at the very least. Which let's be honest, dinner or food can be a boring date. Men who put no effort into dating me, don't have a place in my life.
This right here, says it all^!
AChildOfBoredom
11-25-2021, 01:00 PM
Girls have told me they prefer to go dutch so they don't feel pressured putting out especially the first couple dates. Most of them are vanilla hoes.
Meh, then I’ll be vanilla. I already know by the time the check arrives that there’s no further interest on my end and there won’t be a second date. At that point, they cease being a date - they become an adversary. Because I know their goal hasn’t changed. Better to take the wind out of their sails at that point than to have to do it later on with my knives or my handgun, IMO.
I also like to establish early on that I don’t actually need them. I started adult life with ~$1,000 and an 18 year-old Ford pickup. Eight years later, I bought this house, and I’m on course to have it paid off within the next two years. I’ve worked intensely and even spilled blood to get to this point. At what cost? Well, that’s complicated, but the point is what the fuck can they really offer me when I’ve been my own breadwinner my entire adult life? Sure, I don’t have a Lambo and a yacht, but I don’t really desire those things either, and I have what I need. Some measure it in diamonds… I have just shy of $200k worth of tools and no debt on those. And I just about ten minutes ago ordered the engine for that LS swap and everything I need for it. I think I’m doing alright.
I could be okay with someone who makes less than I do, provided 1: they don’t get this idea it’s going to be them just kicking back and me playing sugar mama, 2: they make the effort at self improvement, 3: they’re not a cheap ass.
Maybe it’s just me. People tell me I’m wired differently. Perhaps they’re right. It would be a lot easier to find it in my heart to kill than to feel any sort of eros type love for someone.
Ambercat
11-25-2021, 09:50 PM
I think that, for men who are intelligent, empathetic, and aware, this is a very confusing time to find the balance between healthy masculinity and the other side of the spectrum. Every woman wants something different, and we're living in a time of explosive female empowerment.
Every man is totally different, and I'm very wary of any statement that somehow groups all men or women into one bucket based on a handful of anecdotal experiences. Confirmation bias is a thing.
I know I'm a broken record on that topic, so I'll stop there, but i wish we saw more balance in opinion on this board sometimes.
I'm a 50/50 kind of a woman. I don't know if it's because I'm bi or naturally dominant or just things as different coming from UK but (before I settled down) I asked people out and because i was asking I paid. Likewise if someone asked me out I would expect them to pay. Going dutch is something I see as a relationship thing. If I'm settled down with someone I share and they share back. When my fiancé moved out here with me he took a month to find a job so I covered everything. This year he's earning more an has covered our wedding costs.
chanzep
11-26-2021, 07:05 PM
I'm from the Uk. It's not cultural for women to pay there. People do what suits them.
jasmine22
08-09-2022, 07:11 PM
I would rather be single the rest of my life than go 50/50 with a man. He should be a provider because most real alpha male types are. The weak ones want you to pay for them and looking for a mother figure…no thanks.
WonderWoman0642
08-10-2022, 07:32 AM
^ This is how I feel now. Most of the men in my family are providers so I'm not sure why I even accepted the 50/50 thing.
miss.a.p1600
08-10-2022, 08:04 AM
^Extremist feminist, misogynists, and Men who weren’t raised properly (ex. Coddled in childhood) will gaslight you into believing *their* delusional reality that women should out “getting it in the mud” with them.
9 times out of 10 They’ll also require you do all the child rearing and household chores and cooking and sex on demand.
Next thing you know a slick ass dude turned 50/50 into 75/25 in HIS favor.
Dutch dates is something I’d do with a dude I have no romantic interest so he gets the point if I pay them it’s platonic only and men who do pay will have a better chance at earning my approval for “more than friend status”
moneybags
08-14-2022, 11:44 PM
The least they can do is pay for a date since we are literally risking our lives now n days to fuck them.
whirlerz
09-06-2022, 02:36 PM
^ I agree.
I'm totally fine with a cheaper date as date #1 because at that point they are taking a risk with their time just like you are.
I wouldn't write a guy off at all if he didn't do an expensive date right off the bat.
OMG I can't not believe both Whirl and Miss P had someone try the " forgotten wallet " thing.
Omg .... so disgusting. Have other people had that happen ?
I have never had anything that crazy happen but I have guys attempt to do lack luster stuff like not really planning dates ( in which case I wouldn't then follow by not planning to interact with them at all ).
A guy could take me to a free museum day or other freebie in our city and then a drink . I don't really care as long as it's something out and about.
I have read about (TG it never happened to me) guys that actually ditched out completely on paying for a meal, (both parties) especially at an expensive place
carmen_b
09-06-2022, 03:00 PM
^ Crazy !
carmen_b
09-06-2022, 03:00 PM
I saw the subject line of this in my feed and was like “ Dutch is your cue they don’t want to receive any touch from you ever “ haha.
trustfundkiller
09-06-2022, 03:44 PM
The man should always pay, in my opinion. Women are the prize. It should be his honor and privilege to be in your presence.
Also, I have paid. My mani-pedi is $100. If I get a blow dry for that date, my hair is $50. Even if I didn't, my shampoo is $50 and my blow dryer is $400. My hair is also highlighted and professionally cut. My boobs which he no doubt wants to enjoy at some point and is probably ogling the whole date are $8k. I get facials. I use a nice body scrub, lotion, and I get spray tans. My perfume that he gets to smell when he hugs me is $250. My makeup? Thousands of dollars. Now let's also add up teeth whitening, waxing, eyelash extensions, Botox, lip injections. When I show up for that date, I have invested more time and money than he has right off the bat. I'm interesting, intelligent, poised, a good conversationalist. Those qualities cost money, too. I earned those qualities by taking classes, pursuing hobbies, traveling and diversifying myself. If a guy wants a cheap date, he can find one, but it's not going to be me. And I'm not into "equality" because men and women are not equals in this world. Men aren't having periods, carrying babies, getting raped or sexually harassed (for the most part), earning 75 cents on the dollar to what we make, getting charged a pink tax, etc. So, no, I don't want to be treated equally to a man ...I want to be treated much better. And a man who understands this is a man who can conceptualize what it's like to be female.
If I'm going to date a man, he needs to be a provider. If he can't buy me a dinner, he doesn't need to be in my life. I wouldn't want a man who would be comfortable with me ever reaching for my wallet. A gentleman knows he is supposed to pay. If I ever have a son, I will raise him to pay for the woman on dates. The female experience is unfair and scary. As a man you need to be an ally to women by supporting them and making them feel appreciated. The least you can do is make the reservation, pick her up, open the doors, pull out her chair and shell out $50 for a meal. I've heard men say, "Oh, but women in the past have used me for dinners..." cute, well men in the past have used women for far worse and under more manipulative pretenses.
It's sick how men are encouraged to do less and less and women are praised for doing their role in addition to his role in exchange for a "You go, girl!". Modern day "feminism" might be one of the greatest scams the patriarchy has ever pulled on us.
chanzep
09-06-2022, 09:23 PM
I agree.
DonaDiabla
09-06-2022, 09:27 PM
There's no need for me to go Dutch with a man. If I am going to pay, I just eat alone then.
kimbe
09-07-2022, 12:00 AM
^^ @trustfundkiller; I totally agree, you’re spot on!
whirlerz
09-07-2022, 12:27 PM
There's no need for me to go Dutch with a man. If I am going to pay, I just eat alone then.
Sigh
I just Love Donna! ^
Vyanka
09-07-2022, 01:32 PM
The day some guy asks me to go Dutch on a date, I'm gonna pretend I'm going to the bathroom and get a fucking uber asap. What a turn off.
yaya_cash
09-08-2022, 12:14 PM
The man should always pay, in my opinion. Women are the prize. It should be his honor and privilege to be in your presence.
Also, I have paid. My mani-pedi is $100. If I get a blow dry for that date, my hair is $50. Even if I didn't, my shampoo is $50 and my blow dryer is $400. My hair is also highlighted and professionally cut. My boobs which he no doubt wants to enjoy at some point and is probably ogling the whole date are $8k. I get facials. I use a nice body scrub, lotion, and I get spray tans. My perfume that he gets to smell when he hugs me is $250. My makeup? Thousands of dollars. Now let's also add up teeth whitening, waxing, eyelash extensions, Botox, lip injections. When I show up for that date, I have invested more time and money than he has right off the bat. I'm interesting, intelligent, poised, a good conversationalist. Those qualities cost money, too. I earned those qualities by taking classes, pursuing hobbies, traveling and diversifying myself. If a guy wants a cheap date, he can find one, but it's not going to be me. And I'm not into "equality" because men and women are not equals in this world. Men aren't having periods, carrying babies, getting raped or sexually harassed (for the most part), earning 75 cents on the dollar to what we make, getting charged a pink tax, etc. So, no, I don't want to be treated equally to a man ...I want to be treated much better. And a man who understands this is a man who can conceptualize what it's like to be female.
If I'm going to date a man, he needs to be a provider. If he can't buy me a dinner, he doesn't need to be in my life. I wouldn't want a man who would be comfortable with me ever reaching for my wallet. A gentleman knows he is supposed to pay. If I ever have a son, I will raise him to pay for the woman on dates. The female experience is unfair and scary. As a man you need to be an ally to women by supporting them and making them feel appreciated. The least you can do is make the reservation, pick her up, open the doors, pull out her chair and shell out $50 for a meal. I've heard men say, "Oh, but women in the past have used me for dinners..." cute, well men in the past have used women for far worse and under more manipulative pretenses.
It's sick how men are encouraged to do less and less and women are praised for doing their role in addition to his role in exchange for a "You go, girl!". Modern day "feminism" might be one of the greatest scams the patriarchy has ever pulled on us.
can we talk about guys being entitled to us, our energy and our bodies after just investing in dinner/s? And how is it an equal exchange to treat a woman to dinner while he oogles her?
305gurl
09-08-2022, 09:45 PM
Isn't "going Dutch" dates pretty common in Europe?
I've seen in other countries where the woman pay for the guy's meal and such.
305gurl
09-08-2022, 11:47 PM
Women are the prize.
I used to fully believe this few years back. But now, I'm seeing the world completely different as a woman getting into her mid-30's.
Cutie101
09-09-2022, 01:09 AM
Isn't "going Dutch" dates pretty common in Europe?
I've seen in other countries where the woman pay for the guy's meal and such.
It really depends on his income. If you go on a relationship with an average income guy, then yeah... maybe the first dates he'd pay (I wouldn't accept to pay even if he isn't so rich, at the first dates), but when relationship gets serious, things kinda get 50-50.
But on the other hand, women in Europe have benefits, for example, in my country we get paid maternity leave for 2 years, that's 85% of the average net income in the past 12 months. And if you have another baby before the 2 years are up, you get 2 more years! And same for men, they can get 2 years or 1 year of paid paternity leave. And many men choose it if the income is higher than hers and she doesn't want to lose on her career, so they become stay at home dads. Or split, first year the mom stays at home, the second year the dad stays at home and the mom goes back to work, etc. You get free healthcare, you go give birth and pay nothing, etc.
So, things are a little different here, women can't really compare with situations of US women. I understand why women in US have more demands from men, because the system isn't helping at all a woman AND a future mother.
But again, it really matters the financial situation of the man you're dating. If you're after a rich guy, definitely you shouldn't pay for shit anywhere in the world lol, but you should obviously compensate with being the most fabulous woman he ever met, lol. And not as doing laundry and cleaning, if he's rich he'll hire you a cleaner, lol. But you know... being a pleasant presence for him.
If you date the average income guy, you gotta accept that he won't be able to ever support everything, so you will have to do some compromises. Especially when nowadays everything got expensive. Obviously, he has to contribute to household work too, because it's 50-50 on everything lol.
But under no circumstance I'd pay at the first few dates, or first vacation or anything like that. You go 50-50 after you move togheter or the relationship is leading towards that. I find it wrong and it shouldn't be a thing if a man tries to court you. It's also a cultural thing, some are being raised in a complete equality for both men and women so they don't see no issue paying right from the begining.
Luci Fer
09-09-2022, 02:37 AM
I paid my own way on dates. It was a disarming method. By the time the check came, I knew I wasn’t interested in pursuing anything more. This kept them from thinking they had leverage over me.
Same- about disarming method.
I read about etiquette rules, and they say that who invites to dinner in restaurant, pays. Unless they deal in advance to pay 50/50. Which is fine to me, because I don't like the feeling of being owed to a person after they pay for my dinner. Even if it's a date...I like to set borders. May it lead to any kind of relationship in future or not, it's good to start everything on even conditions.
Cutie101
09-09-2022, 02:53 AM
I have to agree with the "paying to disarm". Great if the guy gives you bad vibes haha.
Luci Fer
09-09-2022, 04:10 AM
I have to agree with the "paying to disarm". Great if the guy gives you bad vibes haha.
ooh I wouldn't go to dine with someone who gives me bad vibes..well unless they suddenly start to give them in between in the middle of the lunch ;D
Cutie101
09-09-2022, 04:37 PM
ooh I wouldn't go to dine with someone who gives me bad vibes..well unless they suddenly start to give them in between in the middle of the lunch ;D
I mean that usually, if people meet on the internet and they meet irl to have dinner, you know, reality might be different :)))