View Full Version : Resenting my fiancé because I'm not able to cam
carmen_b
04-29-2022, 08:38 PM
^ Yes just chiming it.
He must have a *sense* of how worn out you feel by these expectations .
So ..... he should assist instead of being a pain .
Just because you " love him " ( as he says ) it doesn't entitle him to wear you out day to day.
The two of you could talk about a plan to get some help in your home and make things more sustainable.
whirlerz
04-29-2022, 09:43 PM
I don't understand how a man is not a bad person if he treats you bad? Good men treat you good. When a man is genuinely good, he will consistently demonstrates his goodness and never leave you in doubt about it.
I find it sad when women want to paint a different picture of men that show their true colors.
A lot of women do this, especially young girls.
Excuses are made for their crap ways & behavior, they waste their young years, & end up older & things are much more difficult.
The roomie here, she lives at home w/parents (but is here 24/7), she pays half the rent or more, cooks all the time, now Idk if the guy's working or what that's their shit but one day she'll find out he's using her.
whirlerz
04-29-2022, 09:46 PM
^ Yes just chiming it.
He must have a *sense* of how worn out you feel by these expectations .
So ..... he should assist instead of being a pain .
Just because you " love him " ( as he says ) it doesn't entitle him to wear you out day to day.
Yea it's psychological abuse. They get off on it too, + they get sex, $ contributed child care
Sam38g
04-30-2022, 05:46 AM
I'm really unsure what the issue is with me. I may just lack that motherly instinct towards kids. I'm unsure if that is naturally the way I am or the way I was raised. I believe both play a part. I was always forced tot take care of children even at a young age, through my teenage years and into my early 20's due to living situations. I got to the point that I hated it because I wanted to live, everyone always forced me babysitting their kids so they could have fun, and it wasn't as a job, I had to do it for free. It was my duty. It got old fast. I think that has affected me now to the point I no longer want to be around kids because it brings up those memories. I try, but it doesn't work. I just end up shying away. As much as I want to try to bond with them, I can't and I just get scared. I have tried. I didn't purposely get in this knowing this would happen. Maybe therapy can even correct it. It is worth a try.
Nothing is wrong with you. Men are told it is okay all the time to not to want to raise another man's kids. Why would you want to provide FREE DOMESTIC LABOR, when it is of ZERO benefit to you. It only benefits him, which is NOT fair. Free domestic labor is $10 trillion a year just in the U.S.
Sam38g
04-30-2022, 05:54 AM
I don't take any days that I step out. Honestly when the kids do come here they just want to stay in their rooms and play games after school. On weekends my fiancé usually has some type of fishing tournament to go to so the kids will go to their aunts so they can hang out with their cousins since school is out. I enjoy that because it gives me time to work. I do spend a lot of time in the room when they are here watching movies, or studying so I am not out in the open so much if they do want time together though.
You are in an emotional, sexual, verbal abusive relationship. Men have demanded these things & gotten them since the beginning of time due to physical abuse. Of course, it all seems normal, but it isn't. Not when you are the one who has to be miserable on every level to make him happy.
Do you know what is cheaper? Therapy, working on yourself when single & living by yourself. Peace of mind and home is priceless. He does not bring you peace, he brings chaos. He will never have your best intentions at heart, and you will end up being sick & having more and more illnesses. Such toxic situations are horrible for women's health.
I beg you, save yourself. Being alone is better so you can work on your own happiness.
whirlerz
04-30-2022, 07:03 AM
You are in an emotional, sexual, verbal abusive relationship. Men have demanded these things & gotten them since the beginning of time due to physical abuse. Of course, it all seems normal, but it isn't. Not when you are the one who has to be miserable on every level to make him happy.
Do you know what is cheaper? Therapy, working on yourself when single & living by yourself. Peace of mind and home is priceless. He does not bring you peace, he brings chaos. He will never have your best intentions at heart, and you will end up being sick & having more and more illnesses. Such toxic situations are horrible for women's health.
I beg you, save yourself. Being alone is better so you can work on your own happiness.
This whole post is very wise, the bolded part tho!
Very well said!
whirlerz
04-30-2022, 07:40 AM
This's what I see:. Some of th is has already been said..you, OP have abandonment issues, not everything is bad w/this guy, (everyone has redeeming features) but he's playing you like a master musician plays their instrument.
Like I said, I have been there, done that, have the T shirt & souvenirs.
Also, there's 2 women roomies currently going through this, but, of course, they don't see it!
A lot of men are looking for a free maid/nanny/etc that they can fuck & use for minimal effort, $, etc w/the overwhelming benefits going to them!
Meanwhile, none of us are getting younger, nothing gets easier w/age, especially for women
Like Sam previously mentioned, a lot of jobs don't pay shit, especially if you're female, also now there's heavier inflation, covid doesn't help either!
These men know all this!
& use it to the fullest advantage.
I've had a few live in relationships, & they were ALL like this, in one way or another!
I NEVER want to live like that ever, even the shitty place I live w/roomies is better than that!
At least I have some measure of peace & choice, my privacy, & not having to jump for some dude.
Even highly paid women will tell you how emotionally draining men are.
+, they're mostly spoiled, immature little boys (for the most part)
Ok, done on my soap box now. TY.
Violethollywood
04-30-2022, 10:45 AM
My ex husband paid for everything but was very controlling and mean . It was horrible. I started to work again just to take control of my life and move out of the place with both our names on. I think you should CAM if you enjoy it.
same.
Violethollywood
04-30-2022, 10:52 AM
i relate to this so much. most men cannot handle a woman working in SW. even something like sexting or camming. They're so insecure. they think we do this bc we wanna see dick all day lmao when in reality, we're doing this for money and freedom to be our own boss. My ex husband got so jealous about it one time that he threw the coffee table across the living room and broke a window bc i didn't want to have sex with him after being on cam for 5 hours. I'm dead serious . straight up threw a tantrum. but he was fine spending the money i made ...
My husband now is way more understanding but in the beginning it was a struggle for him and again he had no problem spending the money i made. Some guys get passed their insecurities and some don't . Alot of them don't actually. It's stressful when you have to hide your work bc your partner might blow up on you bc they think you're cheating and getting off to your customers . My husband now understands how much i hate the majority of men and would never leave him for a customer i met online LOL. Like they don't even pay me enough to entertain that idea LMAO. Some of them pay pretty good , yes but not that much. LOL
miss.a.p1600
04-30-2022, 01:09 PM
^thats the thing that kills me is when men act like controlling jealous mega cunts
You’d halfway expect it from men who are rolling in dough because many of them think “I’m paying the cost to be the boss” but they dudes who act like this and not even paying for much.
I seriously think there is a subset of heterosexual men who are closer findommes and sugar babies but will never admit it. They get into vanilla relationships then get pissy when it doesn’t go their way.
And it’s not just sex work. Most men get jealous ANYTIME other men are involved (especially perceived high status men). This is one of the reasons I think the gender pay gap exists because a lot of men are way too insecure when it comes to women in any type of co-ed workplace.
MiraMichele
04-30-2022, 06:06 PM
You are in an emotional, sexual, verbal abusive relationship. Men have demanded these things & gotten them since the beginning of time due to physical abuse. Of course, it all seems normal, but it isn't. Not when you are the one who has to be miserable on every level to make him happy.
Do you know what is cheaper? Therapy, working on yourself when single & living by yourself. Peace of mind and home is priceless. He does not bring you peace, he brings chaos. He will never have your best intentions at heart, and you will end up being sick & having more and more illnesses. Such toxic situations are horrible for women's health.
I beg you, save yourself. Being alone is better so you can work on your own happiness.
You know what, you are right. Completely 100% correct. I try to tell myself this isn't the way it is constantly, but it is the way it is. I am not happy. I am not focusing on me, I am focusing on trying to keep him happy. I do this because I am terrified of being alone again. I'll be 39 this year and getting older scares me, so I am trying to force myself to settle. I am trying to force myself to be happy with a man that wants me to do these things I don't want to do. I don't want to take care of children. I wouldn't care if a man has children that are older who take care of themselves, but that isn't the case here. I need to stop thinking this way. I'm not too old, and i don't have to sacrifice my happiness just to not be alone.
Sam38g
05-01-2022, 05:27 AM
You know what, you are right. Completely 100% correct. I try to tell myself this isn't the way it is constantly, but it is the way it is. I am not happy. I am not focusing on me, I am focusing on trying to keep him happy. I do this because I am terrified of being alone again. I'll be 39 this year and getting older scares me, so I am trying to force myself to settle. I am trying to force myself to be happy with a man that wants me to do these things I don't want to do. I don't want to take care of children. I wouldn't care if a man has children that are older who take care of themselves, but that isn't the case here. I need to stop thinking this way. I'm not too old, and i don't have to sacrifice my happiness just to not be alone.
Men die younger than women, so being with one won't prevent you from being alone at the end of life. Misery causes real illness in women and men are more likely to leave you (with nothing) if you get sick and replace you immediately. He isn't the insurance policy, you think he is.
Now woman who develop friendships, work on being more social especially over the age of 50 are much much more happy than their married counterparts. And he can't fix you, it is deep work you have to do on your own to deal with abandonment issues. Seek therapy to help instead of staying in a bad relationship. Remember, men saying if a woman doesn't have a man she will die all alone. It is their fear. It is them afraid of being alone, not having someone to do all the cooking & cleaning.
If you think about it, when do house wives or married women get a day off? When do they get to retire? I remember my Grandmother who ran the farm while my Grandfather was a traveling sales man. It was a huge dairy farm in Wisconsin, she raised 3 kids & did farm work every day starting at 4 AM. Aka a man's job & she never got paid for it, never got credit, it was always considered my Grandfather's farm. And when they retired, every day she did the laundry, cooked 3 meals a day, did all the cleaning. She canned all the vegetables and fruit from the garden. He did nothing to help, never in a day in her life did she get a day off. So what men are offering is a great for them but horrible for us.
Therapy & working on your issues is way cheaper now then in the long run. Being independent & doing it on your own, is best to do now. Which gives you a position of power when getting into a newer & more equatable relationship later on down the road. Cause being alone can happen at any age, like in your 60s. You working on yourself, healing is what he doesn't want at all.
It is a cold hearted fact, men for the most part do NOT have our best interest at heart. Their dicks come first, then how much a woman can do for them is next. They have all kinds of boards, gurus, youtube channels telling them how to abuse women emotionally, sexually, financially & to get as much free domestic labor out of them as possible. It is cold, calculating & they brag about it. They actually brag about how to destroy women as much as possible. Then how to replace us all with a younger model to wear out all over again.
While we are worried about how to be a good woman, to be a good mother, to be great at sex. Jumping through their hoops is detrimental to our well being. Just read on instagram how a woman married for 16 years, had 8 kids and the husband divorced her. Left her with nothing & refuses to pay child support because her body isn't perfect anymore. She was a stay at home mom, so no career, no savings. He thought nothing of fucking her & the kids over.
What you want from him, he can never give you. Your home, your mate should be your soft place to land. It should be your peace, comfort. If he can't be apart of that kind of life, then go. Create it yourself & then choose someone who will be. There is NO shortage of men for women of any age. My mom & aunt are in their 70s and plenty of men looking for a nurse with a purse. There is NO Shortage of men in this world. He is replaceable.
whirlerz
05-01-2022, 09:25 AM
Men die younger than women, so being with one won't prevent you from being alone at the end of life. Misery causes real illness in women and men are more likely to leave you (with nothing) if you get sick and replace you immediately. He isn't the insurance policy, you think he is.
Now woman who develop friendships, work on being more social especially over the age of 50 are much much more happy than their married counterparts. And he can't fix you, it is deep work you have to do on your own to deal with abandonment issues. Seek therapy to help instead of staying in a bad relationship. Remember, men saying if a woman doesn't have a man she will die all alone. It is their fear. It is them afraid of being alone, not having someone to do all the cooking & cleaning.
If you think about it, when do house wives or married women get a day off? When do they get to retire? I remember my Grandmother who ran the farm while my Grandfather was a traveling sales man. It was a huge dairy farm in Wisconsin, she raised 3 kids & did farm work every day starting at 4 AM. Aka a man's job & she never got paid for it, never got credit, it was always considered my Grandfather's farm. And when they retired, every day she did the laundry, cooked 3 meals a day, did all the cleaning. She canned all the vegetables and fruit from the garden. He did nothing to help, never in a day in her life did she get a day off. So what men are offering is a great for them but horrible for us.
Therapy & working on your issues is way cheaper now then in the long run. Being independent & doing it on your own, is best to do now. Which gives you a position of power when getting into a newer & more equatable relationship later on down the road. Cause being alone can happen at any age, like in your 60s. You working on yourself, healing is what he doesn't want at all.
It is a cold hearted fact, men for the most part do NOT have our best interest at heart. Their dicks come first, then how much a woman can do for them is next. They have all kinds of boards, gurus, youtube channels telling them how to abuse women emotionally, sexually, financially & to get as much free domestic labor out of them as possible. It is cold, calculating & they brag about it. They actually brag about how to destroy women as much as possible. Then how to replace us all with a younger model to wear out all over again.
While we are worried about how to be a good woman, to be a good mother, to be great at sex. Jumping through their hoops is detrimental to our well being. Just read on instagram how a woman married for 16 years, had 8 kids and the husband divorced her. Left her with nothing & refuses to pay child support because her body isn't perfect anymore. She was a stay at home mom, so no career, no savings. He thought nothing of fucking her & the kids over.
What you want from him, he can never give you. Your home, your mate should be your soft place to land. It should be your peace, comfort. If he can't be apart of that kind of life, then go. Create it yourself & then choose someone who will be. There is NO shortage of men for women of any age. My mom & aunt are in their 70s and plenty of men looking for a nurse with a purse. There is NO Shortage of men in this world. He is replaceable.
YES! ^ PREACH! ^
Aaaand, re: the lady who's POS hub ran out & left her & kids w/nothing, I have a friend who works pt at a gas station, + ft factory job, she told me one week she put on 77hr total, 7 days.. Why? She was married, now divorced, 4 grown kids, her ex hub 'wouldn't let' her work, she lost yrs of wages , social security etc.. Btw she's in her late 50s now, how she does it at her age Idk.
whirlerz
05-06-2022, 01:42 PM
What's the latest & the greatest on this?
Cutie101
05-06-2022, 11:45 PM
I'm really unsure what the issue is with me. I may just lack that motherly instinct towards kids. I'm unsure if that is naturally the way I am or the way I was raised. I believe both play a part. I was always forced tot take care of children even at a young age, through my teenage years and into my early 20's due to living situations. I got to the point that I hated it because I wanted to live, everyone always forced me babysitting their kids so they could have fun, and it wasn't as a job, I had to do it for free. It was my duty. It got old fast. I think that has affected me now to the point I no longer want to be around kids because it brings up those memories. I try, but it doesn't work. I just end up shying away. As much as I want to try to bond with them, I can't and I just get scared. I have tried. I didn't purposely get in this knowing this would happen. Maybe therapy can even correct it. It is worth a try.
I don't believe it's that, I believe it's your partner. He can't provide for you or his kids and somehow you're responsible for a family that's not yours. If he was treating you with respect and had a good income that would effortlessly support his kids and YOUR comfort, you'd be less stressed around them, because you'd be more free to work as you wish, maybe having a separate space to cam, etc. I love kids, but I couldn't love the kids of a man that wasn't responsible enough to put a condom on when it was time and he'd make ME support his irresponsibility. Like.. you come in the relationship broke, with 100 kids to pay support to and want to make ME pay for you? Wtf, it's not charity here. You don't lack mother instincts, you don't get the respect you deserve and your subconscious is blocking those feelings towards the kids, because you have negative feelings towards HIM (so they transfer to the kids too).
Girl, save, rent a studio apartament and LEAVE. Camming can bring unlimited income if you put the hard work in, NO ONE can kick you out anymore. You can save later for your own house, you can do lots of stuff, you're not responsible for his choices and his insecurities.
MiraMichele
05-09-2022, 01:23 PM
Updates here. I think I am going to leave, after I get out of him what I need first. He has done this to me, so why not do the same to him in return. I ended up messaging my friend last night. I straight up asked him if I could pay him to use his spare room to work while the kids are here. He said no problem, just pay $100 a week or so and I'm good. Much cheaper than a motel. I told my fiancé this and of course he got offended and said absolutely not. He said I can work while the kids are here, get a headset and some soundproofing. The thing is, even with that I feel extremely uncomfortable working when they are here. I just can't do it. I'm afraid they will hear me, I will accidentally get too loud, I also just feel weird having the kids here and me doing that. I even asked my friend if I could rent out his room fulltime instead if I plan on leaving, he said that is fine. So I have that option, then I can save more to get my own place in that time. He messaged me today and asked what I am going to do so I told him I can't rent from him to just work. Even he said it sounds like my fiancé is trying to control me, I said yea I have been told that a lot. He is trying to control me, and everyone here saying so, I need to listen.
Another thing is I was living with this friend when I met my fiancé, I was working in a strip club too. I lived with this friend for almost the first year we dated until my fiancé and I got our place together. I'm unsure what has changed so much that I'm not "allowed" to go work over there. I'm not "allowed" there anymore because he doesn't trust my friend now, he thinks my friend wants to sleep with me. I'm not gonna say he don't, but he doesn't bother me and I would never cheat so I don't see the big deal. I guess now he doesn't trust me. It will probably just keep getting worse. I believe he has some issues from his ex wife is a big reason. When I talked to him about this, he got overly upset and brought up his ex wife. He said she used to go out at night and not come home until the next day, and she cheated on him. So he is thinking I will do the same. I stay up very late working so I will probably be sleeping over there too, my friend lives about 20 minutes away and if I am super tired after working all night I am not going to drive. I think he has too many issues to get past from his marriage is a big thing worng in this relationship.
Sam38g
05-09-2022, 02:55 PM
He should get therapy lessons to deal with his issues, rather than expect you to completely change who you are to make him happy. Perhaps her going out & having any kind of life without him forced her to leave him. You only have his word that she cheated. And men say if they are constantly being accused of cheating, then why not just do it.
Also men who accuse you of cheating are more likely to be cheating themselves. And this helps them feel less guilty about it. More he accuses you, more likely he is.
Who wouldn't feel uncomfortable camming or filming with kids in the house. I know some Moms don't have a choice, but in some States that can absolutely be a reason for the kids to be taken away. So tell him, you are doing it for him.
No matter what hoops you jump through, his control issues will never get better. Men with control issues will have problems no matter what job you have. They will assume you are fucking the boss at any job, if you run errands & take to long. Then you were hooking up with someone else. Unless he get therapy, which will take a long time to fix, control issues will destroy the relationship with anyone he gets involved with.
You can't fix him. We all have to heal ourselves.
Sounds like you found an escape route & who care about the other guys motives as long as you are safe there. Since he has a history of behaving, work hard as much as possible & build up a nice savings to move to where ever you want. Literally, you have a job where you can work anywhere in the world where there is internet. Go explore, go have fun.
chanzep
05-09-2022, 03:01 PM
I think you should pack up and go stay at your friends house and can all the time until you can get your own place.
Marina Starr
05-09-2022, 03:40 PM
Every accusation is a confession when it comes to men.
I find this whole situation really sad.
He should get therapy lessons to deal with his issues, rather than expect you to completely change who you are to make him happy. Perhaps her going out & having any kind of life without him forced her to leave him. You only have his word that she cheated. And men say if they are constantly being accused of cheating, then why not just do it.
Also men who accuse you of cheating are more likely to be cheating themselves. And this helps them feel less guilty about it. More he accuses you, more likely he is.
Who wouldn't feel uncomfortable camming or filming with kids in the house. I know some Moms don't have a choice, but in some States that can absolutely be a reason for the kids to be taken away. So tell him, you are doing it for him.
No matter what hoops you jump through, his control issues will never get better. Men with control issues will have problems no matter what job you have. They will assume you are fucking the boss at any job, if you run errands & take to long. Then you were hooking up with someone else. Unless he get therapy, which will take a long time to fix, control issues will destroy the relationship with anyone he gets involved with.
You can't fix him. We all have to heal ourselves.
Sounds like you found an escape route & who care about the other guys motives as long as you are safe there. Since he has a history of behaving, work hard as much as possible & build up a nice savings to move to where ever you want. Literally, you have a job where you can work anywhere in the world where there is internet. Go explore, go have fun.
whirlerz
05-09-2022, 05:36 PM
He just doesn't want to lose his grip on you, don't fall for that, pls!
That's how my upstairs roomie is, she's 'not allowed' to talk to anyone, he has a fucking camera watching the door all the time, she can't work certain jobs (actually she no longer has a vehicle so she can't work anywhere, although she could work down the street, he wouldn't allow that)
::)
She seems like the most miserable person ever, what little I do see of her.
carmen_b
05-10-2022, 07:42 AM
Good luck Mira :
I think you are making the right choice .
Unless he by some *miracle* decides to drop the " why aren't you my free nanny / maid / cook " thing .
I think you are now seeing it's .01% chance he will do this.
It seems like it has just never occurred to this guy to do ALL the kid related work ( since they are his kids ) . It was very nice that you would give an hour to driving them sometimes ! He should appreciate it. He also seems to not be willing to 50/50 the REST of the household work which is unfair.
If you have ANY thoughts or worries about potential violence try to get out when he is at work .
I think you'll feel awesome once you get away.
I would put a bag with some things at your friends place as well so that in case he gets weird at all you've already got things over there.
miss.a.p1600
05-10-2022, 07:59 AM
I’d also add if you are paying rent to your friend, just be careful - men are men - if ya know what I mean. You do not want to jump from one frying pan to another. Keep ya guard up and your goals front n center!
Don’t tell either one of these dudes all your business.
Your fiancé is offended because he is dead ass wrong, controlling, and scared you will cheat and/or leave thus his gravy train and coattail ride is coming to an end. Do YOU because he damn sure is going to do him to get what he wants.
Cutie101
05-10-2022, 08:45 PM
Yep, agreeing with everyone else said. Be careful with this friend, cam as much as possible and save every little $$ and get your own studio apartament or whatever place you find ASAP. Make sure you don't buy many stuff, so you don't have much to move, just cam and save save save and free yourself!! You're strong and capable and you have the most liberating job that can get you out of any situation, as time as you go and stay the fuck on!
You can be happy and independent, not miserable because you depend of a roof above your head. YOU build your own roof and you love YOURSELF!
MiraMichele
05-11-2022, 06:20 PM
He should get therapy lessons to deal with his issues, rather than expect you to completely change who you are to make him happy. Perhaps her going out & having any kind of life without him forced her to leave him. You only have his word that she cheated. And men say if they are constantly being accused of cheating, then why not just do it.
Also men who accuse you of cheating are more likely to be cheating themselves. And this helps them feel less guilty about it. More he accuses you, more likely he is.
Who wouldn't feel uncomfortable camming or filming with kids in the house. I know some Moms don't have a choice, but in some States that can absolutely be a reason for the kids to be taken away. So tell him, you are doing it for him.
No matter what hoops you jump through, his control issues will never get better. Men with control issues will have problems no matter what job you have. They will assume you are fucking the boss at any job, if you run errands & take to long. Then you were hooking up with someone else. Unless he get therapy, which will take a long time to fix, control issues will destroy the relationship with anyone he gets involved with.
You can't fix him. We all have to heal ourselves.
Sounds like you found an escape route & who care about the other guys motives as long as you are safe there. Since he has a history of behaving, work hard as much as possible & build up a nice savings to move to where ever you want. Literally, you have a job where you can work anywhere in the world where there is internet. Go explore, go have fun.
I really like you advice, Sam. Everything you say really hits spot on. On my end, I don't want to believe it but it is true.
His answer to why his ex wife left is because she became unhappy. Well I wonder why, because he was doing the same to her. When we first met, he would tell me how horrible of a person she is, how the kids can't stand her, on and on. I came to find out that isn't true at all. She is actually a good person, I like her. She has never caused any issues between me and him, she supports us. She seems to be a genuine good person to me. What is the reasons for him to try to make her seem like such a bad person? Because it is him. He was the one in the wrong in their relationship, so he wants to blame her. The main thing I disagree with is the health insurance issue where he needs to pay for both kids. I'm sure there is probably an explanation for that he hasn't told me about though.
I will be working to save as much as I can for myself at this time to get back on my feet. I have done it before, and I can do it again.
MiraMichele
05-11-2022, 07:10 PM
Omg. So his family planned a trip for a boat trip on the lake. I asked if my sister can come, she is the only family member I have that is around. They said no, there isn't room for her. How rude. I keep getting more and more pissed at this crap.
whirlerz
05-11-2022, 07:38 PM
I'd tell 'em I can't go either then..
Anyway, you want to distance yourself from him
laurielegs
05-11-2022, 09:32 PM
I'd tell 'em I can't go either then..
Anyway, you want to distance yourself from him
That was my first thought too. Seems like your family isn't family to him so you really aren't either.
If you stay home and cam that money will get you that much closer to freedom.
carmen_b
05-11-2022, 10:03 PM
An overnight trip ?
Could be a good time to pack.
Omg. So his family planned a trip for a boat trip on the lake. I asked if my sister can come, she is the only family member I have that is around. They said no, there isn't room for her. How rude. I keep getting more and more pissed at this crap.
Cutie101
05-12-2022, 01:24 PM
An overnight trip ?
Could be a good time to pack.
Fuck yeah, I would stay home and pack too lol :)))
xxxGothBarbie
05-12-2022, 01:35 PM
Pack up then cam if you have time. Win win :)
Sam38g
05-12-2022, 03:31 PM
Omg. So his family planned a trip for a boat trip on the lake. I asked if my sister can come, she is the only family member I have that is around. They said no, there isn't room for her. How rude. I keep getting more and more pissed at this crap.
Alienating family & friends is a sign of an abuser. Or it might say that he doesn't plan on going the distance with you. If I were you, would pull out of the trip the very last minute & go visit your sister. I'm sure he was planning on you being the main watcher of his kids & doing most of the work on the vacation. Which he would not want your sister to see & make that all apparent to you.
Wait till the very last minute to tell him, so he can't talk you into it.
miss.a.p1600
05-13-2022, 07:22 AM
I'd tell 'em I can't go either then..
Anyway, you want to distance yourself from him
Exactly!
Id be like “Bob, something suddenly came up and I am not able to attend”
chanzep
05-13-2022, 07:56 PM
Let them have their trip. You should use this time to move out . Stay at your friends house until you can get your own place.
LoveyD
05-13-2022, 10:45 PM
Run!!!
kortneykay
05-25-2022, 07:39 PM
Your mistake was choosing to move in with a Man who isn't paying all of your bills yet thinks he owns you. Save up, move out of kick him out, and be happy, girl. Women should never allow dick and feelings to control their lives. The audacity Men have to con Women enough to make them pay half the rent, bills, sex them for free, and then force you to struggle at a job you hate then top it off with peer pressure and mysogynistic bullshit. It's a con and a lot of Women fall for it. Free yourself. These Men just want a cheap chef, maid, roommate and sex doll with the title of wife and or gf or fiance. Runnnnnn.
kortneykay
05-25-2022, 08:09 PM
Also to add, to respond to the comments I received. He still is saying he is not happy I am doing this, but he is allowing it. I should shut him down on that. I don't need him to allow it. He wants me to have a time frame. I will make my own time frame when I am satisfied.
He does have an ok job, he does not make enough to support me and the kids. He is also absolutely terrible with money. I am going to start taking control of finances because he can't control his spending. All of this while his irresponsible ass tries to dictate what job I can do. Then has the nerve to ask me for more money when he realizes I am actually making money doing cam, and gasp, not doing it because I "get off" on it.
I will say why I allowed this. Anxiety. I have been in some very bad situations, I have abandonment issues. I have had a lot of abusive relationships where the guys would just throw me out on the street. So my mind is stuck in automatically thinking that will keep happening. If I do this job and he is unhappy, he will throw me out. I'll be homeless and without again. We have our place together, but he could evict me is what I think. So I am allowing him to dictate too much. I should be thinking well so what if he does, he can't legally just throw me out in an instant. I have time to figure out a solution even if it came to that. I shouldn't be thinking this way at all but it is what my mind does to me. And he knows it so I think he enjoys being able to take control of me in this way knowing I will be afraid.
Why are you with a man who cannot afford himself let alone his two children plus you? He's using you for sex and for extra money to help him because he's a single father. Then he has the audacity to tell you what you can and cannot do please leave him and move out his children are his responsibility alone you did not birth those children. Save up money for a few months and leave you should be putting that money in your savings and getting a studio.
Forget a boat trip. Seems like you still dont want to let go? That boat trip could've been your opportunity to pack up and move. Since starting this have you rented your friends place? Have you downloaded Uber to use since you won't have a car or are you venting and not taking the advice? Hustle your ass off, save and move out. You started this 3 months back so you've saved up and moved out I'm assuming, right? 3 months is plenty of time to cam, save and move yet 3 weeks ago you were worried about inclusion by a man who's been using you?
WonderWoman0642
05-26-2022, 06:04 AM
^All of the above. And I've been in a similar situation. Trust me, the sooner you move on, the better. At the very least, try to stay with your friend for a while. I think you will have more clarity if you're away from him. If you're still with him, then it's harder to see clearly. And that's why you struggle with cognitive dissonance which makes it even more stressful.
whirlerz
05-26-2022, 06:37 AM
Why are you with a man who cannot afford himself let alone his two children plus you? He's using you for sex and for extra money to help him because he's a single father. Then he has the audacity to tell you what you can and cannot do, please leave him and move out, his children are his responsibility alone you did not birth those children. Save up money for a few months and leave you should be putting that money in your savings and getting a studio.
Forget a boat trip. Seems like you still dont want to let go? That boat trip could've been your opportunity to pack up and move. Since starting this have you rented your friends place? Have you downloaded Uber to use since you won't have a car or are you venting and not taking the advice? Hustle your ass off, save and move out. You started this 3 months back so you've saved up and moved out I'm assuming, right? 3 months is plenty of time to cam, save and move yet 3 weeks ago you were worried about inclusion by a man who's been using you?
^All of the above. And I've been in a similar situation. Trust me, the sooner you move on, the better. At the very least, try to stay with your friend for a while. I think you will have more clarity if you're away from him. If you're still with him, then it's harder to see clearly. And that's why you struggle with cognitive dissonance which makes it even more stressful.
This! ^^^
Sam38g
05-26-2022, 08:40 AM
As long as you live there, gives him time & the opportunity to guilt & talk you out of what is best for you. Gives him more time to steal as much money from you as possible. You taking over & being the one who manages the money, let's him off the hook of being responsible. Meaning, he will still spend and force you to pay all the bills in the end.
And as for the 50/50, is it really? When him & two children are using the home & electricity. To be fair, he should be paying 3/4ths of the bills. By taking over the finances, he is turning you into his Mom. You are letting him off the hook of being a parent, which is enabling bad habits on his own end. It also shows the kids that the woman in the relationship must bare most of the responsibilities emotionally, financially & all the domestic chores. Which is a horrible example for them to grow up in that kind of household.
By leaving you are forcing him to be an adult, which is best in the long run for him & the children. Sooner you do it, the less debt you will have. He won't be happy till you are thousands & thousands in debt. By saving yourself, you are helping all of them be better people too.
Most lessons are learned the hard way, loving yourself more than everyone else isn't always the easiest. But if you are miserable & laden down with all the work & financial responsibility it will take years off of your life. He doesn't want a wife or girlfriend, he wants a Mommy he fucks.
whirlerz
05-26-2022, 04:47 PM
Your mistake was choosing to move in with a Man who isn't paying all of your bills yet thinks he owns you. Save up, move out of kick him out, and be happy, girl. Women should never allow dick and feelings to control their lives. The audacity Men have to con Women enough to make them pay half the rent, bills, sex them for free, and then force you to struggle at a job you hate then top it off with peer pressure and mysogynistic bullshit. It's a con and a lot of Women fall for it. Free yourself. These Men just want a cheap chef, maid, roommate and sex doll with the title of wife and or gf or fiance. Runnnnnn.
Wow, so very true!
miss.a.p1600
05-26-2022, 06:29 PM
All I can say Mira is I feel for you because I unfortunately am in a similar situation.
I know how difficult it can be leaving a situation that has turned out to be not as desirable as expected and I hope you are able to find a way to meet your needs without the dead weights holding you back.
whirlerz
06-11-2022, 07:53 AM
Update(s)? ^
Violethollywood
06-11-2022, 01:13 PM
Idk if i mentioned this but I try to cam and phone as much as possible when my husband isn't home. When he is home i don't do the phone but i will do the video and just mute them and myself . There's ways to do it and still make money
MiraMichele
06-15-2022, 06:44 PM
Update(s)? ^
Yes I will give updates. Sorry it has been so long. I just keep trying to avoid what this is turning into but it keeps getting worse. This also means that I have been avoiding this, all of the advice you ladies are giving me too. I'm just scared. I'm terrified to leave, I do love him (I don't really know why). It is going to hurt and I am scared of facing that again. I just need to face it though. After the other night should be my wake up call. I'll tell this story.
He has a close female friend. We hang out with her often, I had thought we had became close friends but no. I'll try to explain this the best way I can without dragging it out too much (I'm bad at that). My fiance took out a loan last year to pay for a medical procedure, a serious medical procedure. I was able to get half of it done and found out he had spent it all. This got brought up while we were hanging out with this "friend". I have been pretty upset after finding out he spent all of this money that he promised he took out to help me. He acted like it wasn't a big deal, then told his friend and they both ganged up on me, basically calling me a piece of shit for depending on him to give me that money when I should work for it myself. I have been working for it myself since he spent it all, camming. He straight up outed me to this woman about me camming to make me look bad, because of course "I" am the piece of shit here. This woman is not the person to tell, she has a huge mouth and she started saying she is going to tell his kids mom about this. She told me the kids can be taken away from my fiancé for this, and that she is going to tell his ex wife. The next day I asked why he did this and he said because me camming is hurting him. He is basically trying to guilt trip me into stopping. He knows I don't want to blame myself if his kids do get taken away so he thinks that will make me stop.
MiraMichele
06-15-2022, 06:51 PM
He is almost always home. He works from home so this won't work for me.
carmen_b
06-15-2022, 06:56 PM
^ Let me tell you ..... NO ONE should EVER out you as a sex worker.
You will have to decide what to do but I consider that abuse ( sharing a secret you are not supposed to ).
carmen_b
06-15-2022, 06:58 PM
God damn ..... of course he works from home right ..... like these dudes can not ever give you a god damned break . Ugh.
Did you rent that space from your friend ?
Some other girls here had that great suggestion to rent it as your " office " .
I would talk to a domestic violence counselor just to go over some things. It doesn't hurt to TALK and just get on the radar with a DV office so that IN CASE ( and I'm not saying he will ) of issues you know exactly where to go and who to call.
I mean ..... you work remotely basically camming. The world is OPEN to you ( not to him ha he has kids dragging him down ) .
You could so easily go to a new city or something BIG . It doesn't have to be just in the same area as him !!
carmen_b
06-15-2022, 07:02 PM
Domestic abusers MOST favorite games are creating dependence so you could test him and tell him you are thinking of doing a decently paying job and have a solid lead ( non sex work ). IF he has negative things to say he is definitely fitting that abuser profile. I'm not even 100% sure that title can really be pinned on him at this point . It just seems like caution would help here ......
If anyone asks you about your sex work you don't owe them ANY verification that any " rumors " are true !
Your business is YOUR business.
MiraMichele
06-15-2022, 07:10 PM
Domestic abusers MOST favorite games are creating dependence so you could test him and tell him you are thinking of doing a decently paying job and have a solid lead ( non sex work ). IF he has negative things to say he is definitely fitting that abuser profile. I'm not even 100% sure that title can really be pinned on him at this point . It just seems like caution would help here ......
If anyone asks you about your sex work you don't owe them ANY verification that any " rumors " are true !
Your business is YOUR business.
He does support me furthering my career, so I do not see that in him. I do want to work in the IT field eventually and he supports that. I don't think he is abusive in this way. I don't think I want to label him as an abuser yet at all, but the way he behaves is getting too controlling. He can't seem to grasp this concept that he can't provide for me, I need to do what I do to make myself happy. I need to be able to provide for myself the best way I can, and the way that makes me the happiest until I can get to where I want to be. I want to work from home in IT. I have extreme anxiety, it makes it difficult for me to function in public. It is the main reason I do this. He can't seem to understand it.
MiraMichele
06-15-2022, 07:15 PM
God damn ..... of course he works from home right ..... like these dudes can not ever give you a god damned break . Ugh.
Did you rent that space from your friend ?
Some other girls here had that great suggestion to rent it as your " office " .
I would talk to a domestic violence counselor just to go over some things. It doesn't hurt to TALK and just get on the radar with a DV office so that IN CASE ( and I'm not saying he will ) of issues you know exactly where to go and who to call.
I mean ..... you work remotely basically camming. The world is OPEN to you ( not to him ha he has kids dragging him down ) .
You could so easily go to a new city or something BIG . It doesn't have to be just in the same area as him !!
Oh and no, I have not rented that space from him yet. It is still available for me to go there if I need to.