View Full Version : Men Paying ALL Your Bills
miss.a.p1600
04-29-2022, 09:55 AM
^Agreed.
It’s unfortunate but sometimes men think “why give her my hard earned money if she doesn’t *need* it?”
I personally think they should only ask about your expenses IF they’re going to help pay them.
moneybags
04-29-2022, 06:20 PM
So I’m kinda polyamorous if I have multiple “boyfriends”. I can’t say I hate men-they pay ALL my bills. I like stripping because I don’t depend on one guy.
I agree with snufflegrass. Never rely on one man to pay your bills. I was a trophy wife-unconsciously-I married him young because I loved him not for money. With him paying all the bills I was trapped. Always keep a small nest egg and have an exit strategy if you’re relying on one man to pay ALL your bills.
Marina Starr
04-29-2022, 07:15 PM
I'll have to check if my husband will allow it, sis!
Pride is having your own paycheck/money.
"Let me ask my husband first". I actually used to say that. Cringe:-[
Violethollywood
04-30-2022, 11:00 AM
So I’m kinda polyamorous if I have multiple “boyfriends”. I can’t say I hate men-they pay ALL my bills. I like stripping because I don’t depend on one guy.
I agree with snufflegrass. Never rely on one man to pay your bills. I was a trophy wife-unconsciously-I married him young because I loved him not for money. With him paying all the bills I was trapped. Always keep a small nest egg and have an exit strategy if you’re relying on one man to pay ALL your bills.
This. I have 3 credit cards my man doesn't know about, so that just in case we ever get divorced, that I have enough money to at least afford first and 2nd months rent .
DonaDiabla
04-30-2022, 07:08 PM
How I look at it, you do bad by yourself. You can have struggle love with yourself. No one needs a man around draining your lifeforce and not helping you financially.Personally, I don't see the big deal in having dudes pay all of your bills. All you do is keep working or have your own business on the side.Have your own bank accounts and assets without telling him. Have a exit plan ready just in case he leaves or dies.Tell what you have to tell and hide what you have to hide.
In my family, women don't tell men all of their business.
It's strange to consult them about opening up bank accounts and other things. They're not gods and I refuse to treat them as such.Either a man wants to help you financially or not.
If he can't or won't help, get rid of him and find a new one. There's billions of men on Earth, I don't understand wasting time off your life behind a man who adds nothing to your life.
chanzep
04-30-2022, 08:10 PM
This 100 per cent.
~Carmen~
04-30-2022, 08:53 PM
I'll have to check if my husband will allow it, sis!
Pride is having your own paycheck/money.
My husband won't allow me to hang out with you sis. He doesn't want your hoe ways to rub off on me.
SnuffleUffleGrass
05-01-2022, 08:27 AM
YES. YES. yES!!!!!!
i cannot for the life of me understand women that move in with men before they're married. Playing house before getting the ring would make me feel used.
I disagree with this because co-habitation is the fastest way to know for sure if you can handle a long term association with a person.
I'm not a pro-marriage person for different reasons.
miss.a.p1600
05-01-2022, 10:11 AM
How I look at it, you do bad by yourself. You can have struggle love with yourself. No one needs a man around draining your lifeforce and not helping you financially.Personally, I don't see the big deal in having dudes pay all of your bills. All you do is keep working or have your own business on the side.Have your own bank accounts and assets without telling him. Have a exit plan ready just in case he leaves or dies.Tell what you have to tell and hide what you have to hide.
In my family, women don't tell men all of their business.
It's strange to consult them about opening up bank accounts and other things. They're not gods and I refuse to treat them as such.Either a man wants to help you financially or not.
If he can't or won't help, get rid of him and find a new one. There's billions of men on Earth, I don't understand wasting time off your life behind a man who adds nothing to your life.
Also if you are a housewife, or even if you are a working spouse and would suffer financially if your dude died, you absolutely need to be beneficiary on a life insurance policy.
If it’s not voluntary then Pull an Anna Nicole, tape a hidden voice recorder in your cleavage, and get a verbal confirmation that you’ll be included in the will
Make sure they pay bills ……. Even posthumously
neverendingkneebruises
05-01-2022, 11:54 AM
These men are not unicorns. Most men will be traditional if you let them know that's the only way you will be with them and they like you, even if other women were different. They only going to do what you allow.
This. For their dream girl they will be WHATEVER the fuck kind of man you want them to be, so long as you're grateful and appreciative & contribute to the relationship in your own way, of course. It's why you hear stories from "pick me" women that they got treated like shit, cheated on, & walked all over for years, then the new girl he obviously cares about way more, splurges on & worships the ground she walks on. This happens ALL. The time. I make my standards and expectations high from the get go. Basically I date for support/financial reasons first and feelings second, and my life has never been better!
I do expect help with bills down the line but I never fully rely on it and see it as additional income/stash away into savings. I refuse to quit working for a man so that's also a factor. I don't know why people are saying men become abusive this way when my last abusive long term relationship I was the one mostly providing for us both and I still got abused and treated like shit, and he utilized other ways to trap me. I did the independent woman thing for a while and still got mistreated by every man I dated, I'm over it. ::) Our problem here is with abusive men. Not what we do or don't do to contribute to a relationship. Who we are is good enough to be loved & cared for fully. Things can go sour in ANY relationship so have a backup plan, and a backup plan for that one. (A secret bank account, and securing all your important documents is a good start)
I am not saying to never love a man, but stay realistic and be ready to jump ship in any relationship, only date men who benefit & elevate you and add to your bank account. (I am not even saying someone rich. Just someone willing to work hard to provide for your wants and needs)
Marina Starr
05-01-2022, 03:28 PM
Now I get why you'd always making excuses when I suggested we meet for lunch and spend the day shopping. I pray that one day you won't have to ask for your husband's permission to do whatever the fuck you want and free the Hoe in you!
My husband won't allow me to hang out with you sis. He doesn't want your hoe ways to rub off on me.
miss.a.p1600
05-01-2022, 06:43 PM
^LOL @ “free the hoe in you”
Release your inner hoe-ness
I’d like to also add the difference between men paying the household bills (and thinking they’re doing something major) vs paying the household bills, his bills, AND your bills (plus having some left over)
WendiStarr
05-01-2022, 08:17 PM
I think men paying all your bills gives too much power. If he turns out to be abusive, you can end up stuck. If he's a seemingly mythological guy who just likes to be a provider and isn't abusive, it could work. I don't know how common those types are. I've only ever had one SD that paid bills but got cut off once I refused to give him sexual exclusivity when he wasn't doing the same and wasn't willing to give me enough $ to stop doing fbsm like he wanted.
seashell
05-01-2022, 11:08 PM
I had a really great boyfriend, a while back, who took care of all my bills, plus his own... only caveat was, he had a serious alcohol problem. There wasn't a lot of trust in the relationship, and it eventually ended.
Recently, I was with a guy who wanted to financially support me completely, so I didn't have to work. He bought me all kinds of gifts, including my current apartment & furniture, lol. But he also had past trauma and serious anxiety, and it wasn't worth it to deal with a grown man having meltdowns on a daily/hourly basis.
They were nice in the beginning, but I don't know where to find the mentally stable versions, lol.
miss.a.p1600
05-02-2022, 07:00 AM
Sadly the many of the wealthier dudes I’ve had were narcissistic assholes.
My last dude, before the current one, was a decent dude and like a sugar daddy but he still had things that made us incompatible - he didn’t want any more kids (he had an adult son), I think he took viagra (I refuse to be an on demand blow up doll), and he seemed on the fence about marriage.
What I liked about him was he offered money without being asked, he had a very nice home that he wanted to share with me, and he didn’t mind being a provider.
I think I’d like to take the route of just being a financial dominatrix because it just seems quicker and easier. My brief stint of having a financial sub was more exhilarating and satisfying than dating these established vanilla dudes who may or may not spend on me to my satisfaction
miss.a.p1600
05-02-2022, 07:07 AM
Also I’d add one way to get a man to pay your bills is to pull a “damsel in distress” act
Most men love coming to the rescue of a pretty woman even if it means pulling out their wallet.
I’ve had moments in time where I’d be in between jobs (with something better lined up) and 9 times out of 10 men would voluntarily offer me cash.
It’s better to fake this role than to really be in distress because some men will prey upon a woman in a real hardship
miss.a.p1600
05-02-2022, 08:04 AM
“Americans see men as the financial providers, even as women’s contributions grow“
https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2017/09/20/americans-see-men-as-the-financial-providers-even-as-womens-contributions-grow/
Marina Starr
05-02-2022, 12:59 PM
Need to say more, I could pay my bills but why would I want to when a man wanted to? This doesn't mean I don't use my brain and let him run my life knowing him paying my bills can stop at anytime but I'll still be able to support myself regardless.
And to be clear, just because a man is paying my bills doesn't mean he can control, tells me what to you, disrespect or have any power over me because my worth and value don't depend on a man paying my bills. I will also feel no guilt. Why should I be when I'm giving him my time, attention and all of my bitch-tastic glory? If I sense any bullshit I will remind him that I'm LETTING him pay my bills, I DON'T need him to. When a man knows you can hold your own, he will want to give freely just to make you happy.
There's a big difference between a financially dependent hoe: NEEDS a man to pay her bills because her livelihood depends on him.
A financially INDEPENDENT hoe: holds her own, live on her own terms, comfortably pay her own bills with or without a man.
It's odd to me that a lot of vanilla and paid hoes don't know the difference between the two.
neverendingkneebruises
05-02-2022, 07:03 PM
^^Yes, Marina, thank you :) That's how I do things too. People get offended so quick and immediately jump to conclusions with this topic. I have my money and I don't NEED a man's, but if I'm with a man that's simply what I expect! Lots of men are willing to be this way, they're not unicorns by any means. Here's actually a good post I saw on facebook on this topic
"The reason why building a man up doesn’t work is because you are raising up his value while lowering yours.
Say you help him go from broke to wealthy then here comes unlimited amounts of pussy that he never thought he would have had access to. Now he splurging money on bitches off of your labor. Once he cheats as they always do you have two choices. You can stay and continue to face the emotional abuse, embarrassment, and possible stds. Second choice is you can leave but now your value is lower (not to me just speaking from a mans ashy point of view) Your value is lower now because you gave that man your youth. You are no longer in your “prime”, you got three kids now, your body is not the same, your image if different, and you’re mentally fucked up.
The better option is to date a man already successful because yes he will cheat like they always do but at least you will be financially compensated for it. He can cheat and you can easily leave because he can’t take away that for three years he paid all the bills while you saved your money. You can use his money to invest and fund your lifestyle while keeping your money for you. You leave out the relationship with more than just multiple kids and a heartache. He will cheat but he elevated you not the other way around."
^^ That's a very extreme example, but the point still stands. From just looking on this board around men can be abusive, disloyal, etc no matter the amount of money he has or is giving you. At least if you date only men who provide for you, and don't rely on that money completely and have backup plans, when you end up heartbroken you will be better off with resources and no drained bank account, credit card debt etc
Learning signs of narcissistic abuse and red flags is also going to be very beneficial to you in this situation.
chanzep
05-02-2022, 09:31 PM
I don't see how a man can try to control you unless you live with them which I think is a mistake unmarried anyway.
I had guys try before I just block them. I had a guy try to guilt trip me about all he had done I just laughed and never spoke to him again. One threatened to tell everyone what I'm really like lol. Who is everyone you dumb trick. You don't even know me in real life. People at the club were laughing and he started spending on a new girl for a bit. Then didn't see him for years until another club.
miss.a.p1600
05-03-2022, 07:01 AM
^^^LOL when they hit you with the 'after everything I've done for you" line
Barf.
I think they guys who are financially controlling do so because they are providing by default (because society traditionally did not accept men who couldn't/wouldn't provide) not because they want to.
You have a lot of 'men' who weren't raised properly thus they're lazy, unmotivated, cynical about women, don't respect women and expect that working women contribute their half financially to the household.
Now that more women are in the workforce and some of them out earning men, these men's male privilege and their petty passive-aggressiveness is really kicking in and they don't want to provide financially because they think the woman should also provide financially or she should bend over backwards to be the perfect stepford wife to compensate him for having to provide financially . Also the narcissists. THESE are the types of dudes who are financially controlling.
The dudes who have traditional values, healthy masculinity, successful careers are the ones happily provide like it's their duty.
Even though they bring in majority of the income they still see their partner/wife as equal in decision making and respect her because she benefits the relationship in more ways than financial.
Cutie101
05-08-2022, 03:02 AM
I was once watching tv with my grandma, some celebrity drama in my country, where she was his mistress for 7 years and finally made him leave her 20 years of marriage wife, only to marry him and 5 years later be left for his new mistress he was entertaining himself with, while being married with her, while she lost all the goodies when she became a wife, because the sparkle was over.
I cannot forget what grandma said: "How stupid and dumb can you be, to become his wife??? As a mistress you FUCKING make sure you remain one and never ever encourage him divorce his wife, because that's when you lose the fancy vacations, money and everything else the idiots spends on you!!" :)))
And then she turns on me and she's like (ok, those are advices she gave me during my whole life, but I'll put everything in one phrase): If you ever date a married man, always date more than one and make schedules for them. Make them buy you things (a car, an apartament, jewlerry, allowance, etc). Use excuses to not be available all the time and to not call them, motivating that you don't wanna bother when they are with the wives. If they start treating you as the wife, discard and replace. Don't be stupid to believe his lies when he says he wanna marry you and make sure you don't accept his proposal. Don't get pregnant with him. You will have to humiliate yourself for child support and you'll only be that "whore that destroyed his family". Keep your dignity up and get benefits in silence and while you can.
Don't be stupid. Keep him jelaous, because even he's the cheater they feel like the mistress and wife must be loyal to him. Give him hints that he's replaceable if he's not up to your standards, not the other way around. You always keep the upper hand, since he's the cheating one, not you.
Once you become his wife, he basically loses interest and your place remains vacant, so don't do it. NEVER EVER get serious with a married man, because the wheel always turns around.
And if you wanna make sure your husband doesn't cheat on you, make him spend on you enough to not afford another woman.
Well, I am not in that situation, as I'm in a serious relationship, so for now I do the latest advice. I always have something to spend on :))) But since this thread is appropiate, I said it's good to share grandma's thoughts. She was forced to marry a rich but stingy man, when she was 14 (soviet 1950's, life was horrible back then), so when she got a job as a nurse at the hospital, she'd make sure to get her perfumes, furs and jewlerries from the rich doctors around, that would do anything to be with her, as she was really beautiful, but she was neglected by the husband (he'd be so stingy, that he'd even count the potatoes she bought, wtf. He'd keep telling her she is beautiful but he'd never help with anything, she'd go and be on her feet at hospital, then taking care of hourse and kids- traditional woman shit back then... so she got her revenge by making other men spoil her). She eventually divorced his ass when she was 24 and married my grandpa, that worshiped and loved her. She never cheated on him. He wasn't as rich, but he was earning good and he'd give her everything he made, they had a beautiful love story altogheter.
In fact, she makes sense, if I'd ever be in that situation, I wouldn't go for the "sugar baby" title, as you have less benefits and they hold the upper hand. I'd go as the lover, using the "love story" thing to get my benefits. It's like you go at the salon and ask for a hairstyle. If you say it's day to day, it's cheaper than if you say it's for an event. Same fucking hairstyle.
Men do the same thing, using "love" as a tool to make us take care of them. Lol.
Men are less inclined to pay for your bills if you are in a monogamous relationship, even if they are rich. But become a distraction and look how he will make sure he buys an apartament for his mistress, to have a place to meet and pays for all of her bills, shopping and vacations. Gross but useful if you don't wanna be manipulated.
And once you get your own place and plenty of money in your bank account, you can afford to date a rich guy that will willingly pay everything, because he knows you don't need his money, so he doesn't feel "used", he does it because it's his pleasure, LMAOOOO.
chanzep
05-08-2022, 07:52 PM
Granny is right.
Reminds me of a house mom I had years ago. Always use to tell us to get investment pieces from guys. She said she had all this expensive stuff in a safety deposit box and sold stuff over the years when needed.
305gurl
05-13-2022, 09:05 PM
Good luck on holding down a relationship with that mentality. If he's going to pay all the bills, he's sure going to demand full control of the relationship and expenses.
Being take of as a housewife comes with a trade. That's how things work. No man will tolerate a selfish, inconsiderate woman for too long.
The whole "wanting a traditional man but everything on my terms" will only work on a guy whose naïve and not well-experienced enough to know any better until he starts questioning the power dynamic of the relationship and getting influences from other men, either be relatives, friends, colleagues or Manosphere influencers. We're not dealing with Boomer male mentality anymore if you want a relationship unless you want to hookup with way older men.
Y'all need to stop mixing in the mid-20th Century "traditional" male role with the 2020 lifestyle. It's too much compromising. In other words, "having both ways."
miss.a.p1600
05-14-2022, 08:18 AM
^This is the mentality that 50/50 men want you to believe to keep you in your place and not dare ask them to provide. These types of men operate out of fear and lack.
Men who provide well are typically older 50 and up. Already established, traditional values, and high earning.
This generation of young men is lost.
Plus the extremist feminist and manosphere MGTOW have ruined it for young women.
Being a housewife is not selfish at all it’s actually selfless (unless one is sitting around on their ass all day) to ensure the household runs smoothly, the kids are well taken care of (if the couple has kids), and her husband can come home and relax without having to pay 3-4x more for outsiders to do the job of a homemaker.
So yes. If both parties feel the exchange is fair then there is more likely for success here.
Quality Homemaking is a valuable asset and any man who tries to control you because he chooses to provide is only doing so because 1. He never respected women to begin with 2. He is a narcissist 3. He can’t afford to provide for anyone aside from himself and uses money control as a manipulation tactic to keep the woman around. 4. Some combination of the above
These are not healthy.
And there are men who can and will provide without the control/disrespect factor because they understand the value of the role of a *quality* wife/homemaker.
miss.a.p1600
05-14-2022, 08:31 AM
I’d like to add that generous men will spend on you/pay your bills if they see the money spent as an investment that enriches your life and makes them look and feel good about themselves in return.
These men love investing in their women and families.
If you are a college student you should have no problem getting tuition expenses paid.
If you are a working woman, getting your business expenses covered should be a seamless task
305gurl
05-14-2022, 12:25 PM
^This is the mentality that 50/50 men want you to believe to keep you in your place and not dare ask them to provide. These types of men operate out of fear and lack.
Men who provide well are typically older 50 and up. Already established, traditional values, and high earning.
This generation of young men is lost.
Plus the extremist feminist and manosphere MGTOW have ruined it for young women.
Being a housewife is not selfish at all it’s actually selfless (unless one is sitting around on their ass all day) to ensure the household runs smoothly, the kids are well taken care of (if the couple has kids), and her husband can come home and relax without having to pay 3-4x more for outsiders to do the job of a homemaker.
So yes. If both parties feel the exchange is fair then there is more likely for success here.
Quality Homemaking is a valuable asset and any man who tries to control you because he chooses to provide is only doing so because 1. He never respected women to begin with 2. He is a narcissist 3. He can’t afford to provide for anyone aside from himself and uses money control as a manipulation tactic to keep the woman around. 4. Some combination of the above
These are not healthy.
And there are men who can and will provide without the control/disrespect factor because they understand the value of the role of a *quality* wife/homemaker.
50/50 lol. Look, a man should provide and as well woman be supportive to her man and family. Generally, I believe 70/30, 80/20, 90/10, and "he pays all the bills." But it comes with an exchange, trade-off.
On that comment of "men over 50 with traditional values and such and such." Like I said, they're Boomers. The men who got married and divorced 3-4-5 times. The men who doesn't get a prenup and/or just let his wife's name be on the title and deed without foreseeing the consequences. The men who doesn't see the signs of a lousy woman or relationship. The men who once highly supported the sex industry in the glory past. The men who are easily manipulated. The men who benefited from FDR policies before neoliberal policies took full effect by the 2000's. The men who grew up with limited options for entertainment, information, social circle and technology.
The young men knows what's up from seeing from their fathers and grandfathers' mistake. As well, dealing with bad economic policies.
On being a housewife/homemaker, you really think many of us, sex-related workers and even modern women, want to be a housewife? Cook, clean the house, wash dishes, have, at least, 3 children, etc. I once never met a stripper who wanted that or was "housewife material." From my view, we just tend to want everything on our terms & conditions by putting all good things from the past(traditional man) with the current lifestyle(designer clothing, go on vacation multiple times in a year, going to expensive locations).
305gurl
05-14-2022, 01:06 PM
I’d like to add that generous men will spend on you/pay your bills if they see the money spent as an investment that enriches your life and makes them look and feel good about themselves in return.
These men love investing in their women and families.
If you are a college student you should have no problem getting tuition expenses paid.
If you are a working woman, getting your business expenses covered should be a seamless task
That's if you're a "good woman."
Cutie101
05-14-2022, 01:19 PM
That's if you're a "good woman."
And we are not, or what?
305gurl
05-14-2022, 01:41 PM
And we are not, or what?
Ask any guy if he takes a stripper, cam girl, escort, pornstar, sex-related workers, and promiscuous women serious. Most of them don't and don't like that fact. They don't see any value in them other than FWB-type of relationship.
I always strongly advise for women of "bad background" to never tell their future boyfriend/husband about their past. It usually ends in a trainwreck if you do tell.
Plus, making money off of men tend to make us assertive, you think a "good woman" behaves like us?
Genoveve
05-14-2022, 02:02 PM
And we are not, or what?
Keep in mind, this is a pro-MGTOW person:
Every women wants financial security from a dude in order to get out of problems and/or have a certain lifestyle that they can't support on their own. The ways to do it is by marriage or to manipulate a man to provide.
Remember, cost-of-living in the U.S. is getting very costly and compound that with 2/3 (by now, it's probably 70%) of college students being women meaning a lot of them are drowning in debt plus consumer debt. Plus the toxic influencing of social media upon women of living the "high life" of traveling and wearing designer clothing.
Not every woman can be a corporate woman or some high-paying medical professional.
With this male movement and biased family court laws, it leads to many current and future men with status to believe marriage and relationships are bad options for them combining that with many desperate women who wants to taste of a certain lifestyle or having financial problems which gives men a lot of leverage [if they think about it]. Which is nothing new, just that it's kick'd to another level due to technology and culture changing - hookup culture, liberal view of sex, [male perspective of ]"modern women wanting traditional man but don't want to be traditional woman."
There's more to talk about this. Like us women have a smaller biological clock than men and instinct of having a child, etc.
But remember, this thing is not about a lot of men being incels. Just that, men are getting aware and dangers of relationships and knowing female nature. Hence, the nickname "red pill," referencing that red and blue pills scene in the film "The Matrix." Red pill meaning getting to know the harsh reality of dating.
Unfortunately, the MGTOW movement is in the initial phrase and will be a common hold in our society in the next 10-20 years.
The days of the men, usually the Boomers, getting married and divorced 2-3-4-5 times and getting financial ruined in the divorce court are coming to an end.
With "red pill" knowledge is now widely spread out, younger men are getting more aware of the "dating game" and will think they're in power of relationships. Basically, work on yourself, be aware of female manipulation and lousy women, never get married and have more options to never compromise to one woman.
It's going to be a rude awakening for many women in the future who want to settle down with a "high-quality" man.
305gurl
05-14-2022, 02:12 PM
Maybe. But I grew up with 3 brothers that I still talk to and know about their lives and a somewhat of a traditional household. Father worked long hours and while mother had 5 children, cook and worked a part-time job. So, I tend to know both perspectives and history. As well, aware of my surroundings.
Cutie101
05-14-2022, 02:12 PM
Ask any guy if he takes a stripper, cam girl, escort, pornstar, sex-related workers, and promiscuous women serious. Most of them don't and don't like that fact. They don't see any value in them other than FWB-type of relationship.
I always strongly advise for women of "bad background" to never tell their future boyfriend/husband about their past. It usually ends in a trainwreck if you do tell.
Not really, I know examples of women with a sex work past, that ended up in wonderful relationships, with men that didn't have a problem with their past (or present, one still working) and they treat them as human beings and not trough their jobs.
I am in a happy relationship (we celebrate 13 years togheter this summer) with a man that respects me and loves me. He always supported my job and never ever told me to do anything else. If I treat it as a job, so does he. And I have camgirl friends with husbands and kids and families and they are being treated normally.
Seriously now, if I were to date again, I would tell upfront who I am.
My current partner has raised my standards and expectations in men so high, that I could never date someone who has the audacity to judge me. Why the fuck would I share the bed with such a prick and have to hide from him? What's the point of being a family or in a relationship?
I rather tell him about my job and see him telling me "sorry, but I am not feeling comfortable dating a woman like you". I'd be more happy for his honesty, than ME, having to lie, in order to be accepted. Why would I wanna date someone who would judge me otherwise? Makes no sense to me. Why would I date such an insecure man. Because it's insecurity that judges me trough my job.
When I have to lie, on order to be accepted by a man, I put myself in a position of inferiority, basically he holds the upper hand. I'd rather be single than humiliating myself like that, just because his dick is not strong enough to accept a woman as she is. Especially if he doesn't consider me a normal human being.
But again, there are wonderful men out there who have no problem dating and respecting women of any kind. Those are confident and free men. And those are the types we do wanna date.
305gurl
05-14-2022, 02:31 PM
Not really, I know examples of women with a sex work past, that ended up in wonderful relationships, with men that didn't have a problem with their past (or present, one still working) and they treat them as human beings and not trough their jobs.
I am in a happy relationship (we celebrate 13 years togheter this summer) with a man that respects me and loves me. He always supported my job and never ever told me to do anything else. If I treat it as a job, so does he. And I have camgirl friends with husbands and kids and families and they are being treated normally.
Seriously now, if I were to date again, I would tell upfront who I am.
My current partner has raised my standards and expectations in men so high, that I could never date someone who has the audacity to judge me. Why the fuck would I share the bed with such a prick and have to hide from him? What's the point of being a family or in a relationship?
I rather tell him about my job and see him telling me "sorry, but I am not feeling comfortable dating a woman like you". I'd be more happy for his honesty, than ME, having to lie, in order to be accepted. Why would I wanna date someone who would judge me otherwise? Makes no sense to me. Why would I date such an insecure man. Because it's insecurity that judges me trough my job.
When I have to lie, on order to be accepted by a man, I put myself in a position of inferiority, basically he holds the upper hand. I'd rather be single than humiliating myself like that, just because his dick is not strong enough to accept a woman as she is. Especially if he doesn't consider me a normal human being.
But again, there are wonderful men out there who have no problem dating and respecting women of any kind. Those are confident and free men. And those are the types we do wanna date.
Okay. Now you're compromising with me with being in the "exception" into the argument. I like that. Nothing wrong on you're saying. But you have to understand, in reality, most men do not like women like us. In their eyes and even in their mothers', we're not desirable for a wife/serious girlfriend. It's harsh but the truth which something that we women won't accept once we hear it from the other side.
miss.a.p1600
05-14-2022, 02:37 PM
50/50 lol. Look, a man should provide and as well woman be supportive to her man and family. Generally, I believe 70/30, 80/20, 90/10, and "he pays all the bills." But it comes with an exchange, trade-off.
On that comment of "men over 50 with traditional values and such and such." Like I said, they're Boomers. The men who got married and divorced 3-4-5 times. The men who doesn't get a prenup and/or just let his wife's name be on the title and deed without foreseeing the consequences. The men who doesn't see the signs of a lousy woman or relationship. The men who once highly supported the sex industry in the glory past. The men who are easily manipulated. The men who benefited from FDR policies before neoliberal policies took full effect by the 2000's. The men who grew up with limited options for entertainment, information, social circle and technology.
The young men knows what's up from seeing from their fathers and grandfathers' mistake. As well, dealing with bad economic policies.
On being a housewife/homemaker, you really think many of us, sex-related workers and even modern women, want to be a housewife? Cook, clean the house, wash dishes, have, at least, 3 children, etc. I once never met a stripper who wanted that or was "housewife material." From my view, we just tend to want everything on our terms & conditions by putting all good things from the past(traditional man) with the current lifestyle(designer clothing, go on vacation multiple times in a year, going to expensive locations).
on being a homemaker - the wife doesn’t *have* to do it all herself. If she is smart she will leverage money to hire helpers to save time.
yes I think some adult industry women want to settle into the home life especially if they have kids. Whereas others prefer to be more career oriented.
that’s why I mentioned leverage mens financial backing either way.
miss.a.p1600
05-14-2022, 02:58 PM
I also wish men would get through their thick skulls that paying the rent/mortgage they’d pay whether you live there or not is NOT providing
miss.a.p1600
05-14-2022, 03:01 PM
Do NOT get sucked in with a 50/50 type dude (no matter how good they treat you/how nice they are) you can’t change them or their mindset and they will constantly try to convince you that 50/50 is the best way to go and resent you if they have to provide.
They may even ask you for money if times get hard for them.
305gurl
05-14-2022, 03:05 PM
on being a homemaker - the wife doesn’t *have* to do it all herself. If she is smart she will leverage money to hire helpers to save time.
yes I think some adult industry women want to settle into the home life especially if they have kids. Whereas others prefer to be more career oriented.
that’s why I mentioned leverage mens financial backing either way.
Helpers, as in housemaid, right? And leveraging to hire one? Geez. You're mixing with the man of the 1950's with the 2020 "desirable" lifestyle. Want a "traditional man" but not wanting to be a "traditional woman." Look, if you're saying something different and not contradicting, then say you're advocating to marry some uber-wealthy man. The average men will not like the idea of hiring "helpers" so the wife can do nothing. It's simple as that.
305gurl
05-14-2022, 03:10 PM
I also wish men would get through their thick skulls that paying the rent/mortgage they’d pay whether you live there or not is NOT providing
Then was is providing for you? It seems you're advocating to be a wife for a millionaire.
miss.a.p1600
05-14-2022, 03:20 PM
Helpers, as in housemaid, right? And leveraging to hire one? Geez. You're mixing with the man of the 1950's with the 2020 "desirable" lifestyle. Want a "traditional man" but not wanting to be a "traditional woman." Look, if you're saying something different and not contradicting, then say you're advocating to marry some uber-wealthy man. The average men will not like the idea of hiring "helpers" so the wife can do nothing. It's simple as that.
I think you have a point. The average men aren’t the types who understand the value of delegation like the men who are in higher levels of society.
Im not advocating a stay at home wife do absolutely nothing. But do only what she is best at. Running the household requires multiple components. Please show me a woman who mows the acres of yards, does pest control, tech support, cook, clean the pool, clean inside the house, take the kids to schools and extracurriculars, AND still has time for sex? Hiring out at least a couple of tasks is totally reasonable.
One of the housewives I know does everything inside the home herself (except cook - so they do restaurant everyday) and hires out everything on the outside of the home. She had a maid at one point but I think it felt a little too “upper crust” and she cut that out.
He pays for ALL the bills and she invests any income she earned prior to the marriage
miss.a.p1600
05-14-2022, 03:21 PM
Then was is providing for you? It seems you're advocating to be a wife for a millionaire.
Id say paying all the household bills is a starting point.
Investing in business and retirement and emergency funds and savings and travel is the next level
They need to be as close to six figures or more depending on the area/city and number of dependents to support.
Sam38g
05-14-2022, 03:21 PM
Okay. Now you're compromising with me with being in the "exception" into the argument. I like that. Nothing wrong on you're saying. But you have to understand, in reality, most men do not like women like us. In their eyes and even in their mothers', we're not desirable for a wife/serious girlfriend. It's harsh but the truth which something that we women won't accept once we hear it from the other side.
If you think this then seriously think about getting out of the industry. Maybe that is how your family feels... Lots of us have families that don't hate or resent us. I know plenty of sex workers & former sex workers who are married 5, 10, 20, 25 years. In fact, I know about a good 100 or so.
Calling those of us in the industry "bad women" shows a clear contempt for all of us. Fact is men will use everyone they can, and be mad at those who do or don't fuck them. The current line of bullshit coming from men's rights stars is that women should never hold down a job and NOT be a gold digger. How they need to do all the work of home making, having kids & helping with his biz. And if they get divorced how she doesn't deserve alimony or child support. They brag on youtube in the comments of finding so called 'good girls' & fucking them over for sport.
So you are on here rallies for men who CLEARLY DO NOT HAVE ANY WOMAN'S BEST INTEREST AT HEART! Your truth is not necessarily everyone's truth. I've personally have turned down 10 good marriage proposals, cause I don't want to be any man's full time cook or maid.
You act like we should be living up to their impossible standards of men who are the worse, when there are plenty of men in the world who aren't like that. But you keep trying to jump through the worst misogynist hoops, while the rest of us keep on living our best lives.
"Good girls go to heaven, Bad Girls go Everywhere." - Mae West
https://youtu.be/o8szoC2mftA
Cutie101
05-14-2022, 03:37 PM
Helpers, as in housemaid, right? And leveraging to hire one? Geez. You're mixing with the man of the 1950's with the 2020 "desirable" lifestyle. Want a "traditional man" but not wanting to be a "traditional woman." Look, if you're saying something different and not contradicting, then say you're advocating to marry some uber-wealthy man. The average men will not like the idea of hiring "helpers" so the wife can do nothing. It's simple as that.
Yes bb, geeeez, sitting in front of the stove is not our 2022 lifestyle anymore, even as a housewive. My partner bought me a dishwasher and a robot vaccuum, just to be able to spend more time with me, because "screw those dishes, why wasting time with it?". I don't have a rich partner, but he does respect me and my time and he loves me. And more important, he loves spending time with me and he cares about my hobbies and he ranher wants to see me playing a videogame, than cooking for him. He either cooks or orders something if I had a busy day, he won't expect me to cook for him.
We actually saw a woman with 3 kids struggling, the other day, she was going in the park and she was holding a baby in arm, the other in the trolley, while trying to stop the oldest from running in front of the cars. She was overwhelmed. No man in sight. One kid was a newborn, the other one was maybe under 3 years old and the 3rd one was about 5 years old or so. And he was like "I rather hang myself than let you struggle like this...". How expensive can a helper be?? So that woman doesn't have to struggle with 3 kids because that day in the park is not relaxing for her, nor for the kids. She can't enjoy time with the oldest because she has to watch the trolley and the other one that barely learned to walk. The oldest can't enjoy himself because he has to stay with his mom, because she's tied to the trolley. The middle one cannot explore the nature and the park for same reason. A complete shitfest.
My partner is average income and he can't stand the idea of seeing me do house work. He just wants me happy and relaxed, as he likes to be too. He wants to spend time with me when we are not working and we do things togheter. We do house work togheter, so we can get done with it quick. I never ever had to put gas in my tank, he always leaves me cash to give the guy at the gas station to fill my tank and clean my windshield, because "you're a lady".
So spare me the bullshit with men not standing to see women doing nothing. This is pretty much disrespect. Again, my value as a woman doesn't stand in cooking and cleaning. My house is clean because I have all kind of appliances that do the job. I cook great, I taught my partner how to cook and now we both enjoy this, or we simply order when we don't feel like it. My value as a woman stands in much deeper and emotional things, that many men crave for, but they don't get it, because they are busy disrespecting their spouses by demanding sex after they expect them to cook and clean and wouldn't bother making their partner's life easier. And then they cry when their spouse won't spend time with them: "wHy iS sHe AlWaYs TiReD??? sHe WaS hOmE aLL dAy!!!". Idk, idiot, maybe because you sent her in the park with 3 small kids, not thinking she only has 2 hands, maybe that's why.
chanzep
05-14-2022, 07:05 PM
Good luck on holding down a relationship with that mentality. If he's going to pay all the bills, he's sure going to demand full control of the relationship and expenses.
Being take of as a housewife comes with a trade. That's how things work. No man will tolerate a selfish, inconsiderate woman for too long.
The whole "wanting a traditional man but everything on my terms" will only work on a guy whose naïve and not well-experienced enough to know any better until he starts questioning the power dynamic of the relationship and getting influences from other men, either be relatives, friends, colleagues or Manosphere influencers. We're not dealing with Boomer male mentality anymore if you want a relationship unless you want to hookup with way older men.
Y'all need to stop mixing in the mid-20th Century "traditional" male role with the 2020 lifestyle. It's too much compromising. In other words, "having both ways."
Maybe in your experience. Not in mine . Only 1 man my ex husband try to control everything and failed. I got a job for spending money and he still paid for everything. I could still be with him too.
All other guys I dated paid for stuff and never lived with me.I have never dated a boomer eitner.
Each to their own but it's not my experience .
Having a man pay for household stuff is not inconsiderate. It's a must if living together for me.
DonaDiabla
05-15-2022, 11:13 AM
Here's my thoughts on this matter:
Not all of us women treat our relationships and men like they're holy relics to be on pedestals. Frankly, let's be real. Most men on Earth can't afford a family and mostly will abandon their children. So, playing the submissive housewife will leave most women in the red.Men will abandon them and their children. You don't have to take my word for it. Look at the poverty rates for women and children.
https://data.unwomen.org/features/four-facts-you-need-know-about-gender-and-poverty-today
As far as selfishness is concerned, women must protect themselves from poverty. Women must protect their wombs and their children.Demanding what you need from men is a start. If a man can't afford to a family, then women shouldn't want them. If a man can't afford a certain lifestyle, then let him be with women or whoever else wants him. I don't take men who can't financially help me. It's nothing personal. It's just about not being poor behind or because of the penis. It's just about preservation of my bloodline.
Good luck on holding down a relationship with that mentality. If he's going to pay all the bills, he's sure going to demand full control of the relationship and expenses.
Being take of as a housewife comes with a trade. That's how things work. No man will tolerate a selfish, inconsiderate woman for too long.
The whole "wanting a traditional man but everything on my terms" will only work on a guy whose naïve and not well-experienced enough to know any better until he starts questioning the power dynamic of the relationship and getting influences from other men, either be relatives, friends, colleagues or Manosphere influencers. We're not dealing with Boomer male mentality anymore if you want a relationship unless you want to hookup with way older men.
Y'all need to stop mixing in the mid-20th Century "traditional" male role with the 2020 lifestyle. It's too much compromising. In other words, "having both ways."
neverendingkneebruises
05-15-2022, 11:19 AM
305gurl based on your previous posts you seem to have a bad case of internalized misogyny. Please stop reading mgtow & red pill content, they literally are misogynists who see women as tools & commodities and that is why they are mad at "women of today" because we actually (somewhat) have rights now and don't have to settle for being a doormat. Healthy, happy relationships & access to good sex are both a privilege & a gift. These types of men see it as their birthright. They feel entitled to it. They aren't self aware enough to realize otherwise & succumb to toxic masculinity culture. I feel sorry for them, as they will never experience any true, wholesome connections. Wanting to be treated with respect & having standards for someone you want to be in a relationship with is not having an evil or manipulative nature. Someone who loves you will want to make your life easier, as you do for them by default being a woman. Have you ever heard a man say he is genuinely happy while single?? That's how much we do for them. Meanwhile I know countless women choosing to opt out of relationships or finally raising their standards. You have no idea how valuable a beautiful, caring woman is to a man. Even if we don't contribute to the housework or financially. I mean people have cats and it's the same idea lol, them being around is simply enough. It's why sex work is chock full of customers who get attached & pay us for our company.
Also most women are not stripperweb hoes or hypergamists. Most women are happy to go 50/50 or have all responsibilities pushed onto them and guess what they STILL deal with all the problems (https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/)that non working housewives do and more.
Personally, I only date providers bc I like to be eye candy & ready for spontaneous sex, caring for my looks takes a lot of time & effort (and $$$ that most men will not even come close to spending in their life) that is not realistic when you're too stressed out from work & managing a household, & I don't need any man blaming me for "letting myself go" & using it as an excuse to cheat during our relationship. ;) also, dating men is statistically dangerous for us. 3 women die DAILY in the US ALONE by domestic violence. That is literally femicide and nobody cares, now our reproductive rights are also going to be taken away. Being financially taken care of is not just nice but it is protection for us.
anyways, accepting those "communities" bullshit will not have them treating you any better. You are only damaging your soul & psyche, filling yourself with self loathing & setting yourself up to be treated poorly. I say this from a place of love. Those forums are not there to help people (yes, men included). The fbi keeps tabs on them because they are known for inciting violence & many mass shooters used them regularly. If you meet a man that uses those forums I guarantee he will end up abusive at the worst or taking you for granted & exploiting you at the least. I can recommend healthier reading options on love & relationships if you're interested.
lurkingtitties
05-15-2022, 11:30 AM
Kneebruises I’d be interested in healthy relationship content recs!
neverendingkneebruises
05-15-2022, 11:31 AM
Here's my thoughts on this matter:
Not all of us women treat our relationships and men like they're holy relics to be on pedestals. Frankly, let's be real. Most men on Earth can't afford a family and mostly will abandon their children. So, playing the submissive housewife will leave most women in the red.Men will abandon them and their children. You don't have to take my word for it. Look at the poverty rates for women and children.
https://data.unwomen.org/features/four-facts-you-need-know-about-gender-and-poverty-today
As far as selfishness is concerned, women must protect themselves from poverty. Women must protect their wombs and their children.Demanding what you need from men is a start. If a man can't afford to a family, then women shouldn't want them. If a man can't afford a certain lifestyle, then let him be with women or whoever else wants him. I don't take men who can't financially help me. It's nothing personal. It's just about not being poor behind or because of the penis. It's just about preservation of my bloodline.
This. Personally I think it's too PC to say that men & women are equal. Our biological differences disadvantage us to begin with then patriarchy & misogyny also endangers us, and our children's, livelihoods. Until we free the world of rape & abuse, & physically evolve past sexual dimorphism. I refuse to date non providers in order to protect myself & enjoy my life in spite of patriarchy, misogyny, & capitalism.
Also idk why everyone in this thread is saying a man will control you if you "trade in" your income. A person's worth is not based on money or work labor alone. You should not be entertaining men who want to date you solely based on what you can do for them or how they can control you. I guarantee you the same man would try to control you even if you did work. Personally so far every provider relationship I've had has been INFINITELY better than the 50/50 ones in terms of how well I am treated.
miss.a.p1600
05-15-2022, 01:27 PM
This. Personally I think it's too PC to say that men & women are equal. Our biological differences disadvantage us to begin with then patriarchy & misogyny also endangers us, and our children's, livelihoods. Until we free the world of rape & abuse, & physically evolve past sexual dimorphism. I refuse to date non providers in order to protect myself & enjoy my life in spite of patriarchy, misogyny, & capitalism.
Also idk why everyone in this thread is saying a man will control you if you "trade in" your income. A person's worth is not based on money or work labor alone. You should not be entertaining men who want to date you solely based on what you can do for them or how they can control you. I guarantee you the same man would try to control you even if you did work. Personally so far every provider relationship I've had has been INFINITELY better than the 50/50 ones in terms of how well I am treated.
i feel like this is internalized misogyny too.
This is what non providing men WANT women to think so they don’t know how good they can have it and so they get accustomed to men half assing it.
Todays generation of men is lazy as shit and they will use feminism against you to their advantage, ride the coattails of women, reap the financial benefits of female labor, and expect women to pay their half financially so they don’t have to provide.
Men will TRY and control women regardless. Just read these threads of women who are breadwinners and their dudes still act controlling. A lot of these men have fragile egos and control is what they do whether it’s dusty Dan, average joe blow, or rich worthington
One word will help fix a controlling man …… NO!
neverendingkneebruises
05-15-2022, 01:37 PM
i feel like this is internalized misogyny too.
This is what non providing men WANT women to think so they don’t know how good they can have it and so they get accustomed to men half assing it.
Men will TRY and control women regardless. Just read these threads of women who are breadwinners and their dudes still act controlling. A lot of these men have fragile egos and control is what they do whether it’s dusty Dan, average joe blow, or rich worthington
One word will help fix a controlling man …… NO!
PREACH!! It's the same argument as, "I pay half on the first date so he doesn't expect sex." No no no!!!! Someone paying for your meal (or anything else for that matter) does NOT = consent. Not to sex, not to a blowjob, not to a hug or kiss, and not even to see him ever again. Yea rejection sucks but it's a part of life. Today's men have no spine and would rather blame us & quietly perpetuate toxic masculinity & enable abuse.
The blame should be put on abusers & predatory behavior. It is NEVER someone's fault for being treated badly if they are not a bad person.
The bar is in Hell so they get praised for doing the absolute bare minimum & it's honestly sad. I wish I could have the ground I walk on worshipped just because I performed the absolute minimum of what it takes to be a decent friend, girlfriend/wife, or worker. Men have it so easy in life I'm honestly jealous! :P
Lurkingtitties I will get back to you with that list :) It's just a lot of reading I've come across over the years & I'm compiling it now. A good start is a book I think every woman should read; Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft.