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miss.a.p1600
07-28-2022, 03:34 PM
^L and his kids and his ex wife pull that crap every week.

It’s annoying for sure!

miss.a.p1600
07-28-2022, 03:56 PM
I know I've been really vocal on here lately but my patience with her not having someone to go during the day just ...... whew.

....breathe ...........

I basically was just out myself the last two days Noon to 5 .
I'm very glad she is at her Moms house .
I don't really think J does things horribly wrong.
There are just some differences popping in how I like things done v.s. what he is doing.
I think school being back in will resolve 90% of it.

I think my partner might be frustrated I didn't " give much time " . We did a dinner Monday then a dinner Wed. and an hour or so hanging out after dinner. I think what he didn't realize is that my patience was just GONE so I was doing my best not to be mean or snappy.

It’s rough when you notice your partner has a different parenting style than you.

It’s like say nothing and keep the peace or request they change (which could spark a debate/argument)

Damned if you do/damned if you dont

carmen_b
07-28-2022, 05:01 PM
I'm a crazed stickler for this haha and I would rage if it wasn't a request a week or two ahead. :/
It is just NOT ok to expect people to accommodate short notice changes.


I really hate when bio-mom changes her mind last minute about what time she wants the kid(s) back. I specifically set my schedule to what I'm expecting our schedule with the kids to be, and then she fucks it up without even asking if it would throw off our plans with them. It's really inconsiderate. I wish my husband would stand up to her when she does it and tell her she needs to make any schedule changes way sooner than a day or two before, because it messes with my plans, like for work or travel. She's done it multiple times.

carmen_b
07-28-2022, 05:04 PM
There are some *issues* here for sure.

There is definitely some weird energy in the air.
He is planning something really large scale for her birthday ( requires a flight ) .
It's in Sept. and he didn't really communicate with me if he prefers it's just them or if I should hold the time open.
I actually don't have a huge preference either way. It's an elaborate ocean activity but I lived in Hawaii 5 years so that bucket list type ocean stuff I've done most already.
It is more concerning to me the lack of communication if I'm going / or not .
It's roughly 6 weeks away.

carmen_b
07-28-2022, 05:57 PM
I offered to talk.
Why not ?

I think these weird vibes will sort themselves when school starts anyway.

I just have a paranoia with difficult moments because I feel like in my last relationship I really had NO idea it was ending.
I don't want problems to get out of hand so I like to try to hash things out and let things go unchecked.

I feel paranoid of not catching things.
My former long term partner started up a new relationship while still living with me in July / Aug 2018.

miss.a.p1600
07-29-2022, 03:58 AM
^ If he does it just leave for a few days and tell him you'll come back IF he sticks to his two organized days per week .
If he chooses to go back on what he TOLD you was happening then you have the option to end the partnership.

When I mentioned that he said TWO days a week (which was also his rationale for paying Bertha)

He pretty much gaslighted me as was like “well summer is almost over”

No bitch! You should have lined up SUMMER CAMPS and/or FAMILY visits - Wtf!? ….This relationship is almost over if you don’t check yourself , Rasputia, and those kids.

If I am with him next summer, which - judging by his loose boundaries with those kids and ex wife - I highly doubt, I am going to take a job or whatever out of town THE ENTIRE summer and let those two idiots fumble around and figure it out.

Mf is not going to tread my boundaries and disrupt my peace because he can’t say no to his overbearing cunty ex wife or those boundary pushing kids who are just like their mom.

Even though he redeemed himself by making Bertha find another option to cover her childcare on one of her vacation days, I’m still triggered by my conversation with L and how he thinks it’s okay to be a full-time dad (with minimal resources to support that), constantly trying to solve Berthas childcare crisis’, try to have those kids over my house more than what he initially agreed to, doesn’t try to find other resources for his kids so he (me) don’t have to always have them every free hour, and thinks it’s okay to tread my boundaries because “those are my kids!” (In his words)

I’ll be honest. I’m starting not to like him ….. or his kids…. As a result of his actions. I’m not going to be mean to the kids I’m just not going above and beyond or getting too close to them.

So I’m planning my exit up out of here.

carmen_b
07-29-2022, 07:11 AM
We didn’t talk last night but scheduled it for 3pm today.

I’m just unsure on a couple things.
I wonder if I should mention how challenging I found the last month in particular ?
Or if I should just not ?
11 days till start of school !
So... maybe not ?
Just keep convo focused on how to optimize next month ?

This month was rough and a correction needs to happen.
We literally didn’t leave the house ONCE to do anything together other than go eat.

To be fair though we did do Hawaii in late June so it was large scale trip recovery mode. July seemed not very well thought out overall.

miss.a.p1600
07-29-2022, 08:12 AM
11 more days!….

Im the same way Carmen. When it comes to kids in the picture I like to plan my / their schedule as much as possible. I think the average dad is more like “eh, when the kid comes over, let’s just let the chips fall as they may”. It’s like they just don’t get it how an inconvenience it is

carmen_b
07-29-2022, 08:16 AM
^ Well I hope the convo goes well.
I could definitely use more organization.
The day he picked the restaurant / time early in the day was my happiest day I’d say of the last visit.

I knew Wed might be rough ( getting braces on ) but she seemed fine really overall.
There was just that rough spot where I had retreated to our room about 6:45 and instead of leaving me in there he invited me to come watch a movie . Great, lets watch a movie. But then when he mentioned running bath water and I opened my mouth saying it would be good to let her do the whole process herself ..... we got into it a bit.

The fact that we didn’t leave the house as a couple for a damn thing other than to eat is a whole separate issue. Possibly slipping into laze mode ( on both sides ). Correction needed.

carmen_b
07-29-2022, 08:19 AM
^ Plus it’s down to four days where she is here during business hours.
Aug 1,2,3 ,9.
I will most likely be out of town anyway tomorrow through evening Aug 1.
If he doesn’t arrange something Aug 2 and 3 to create windows he will be sexless a week Aug 2-8. I would assume he only wants celibacy during his actual trip out of town ( Aug 4-8 ) and not the trip plus two days.

miss.a.p1600
07-29-2022, 08:37 AM
^ahahaha

L has many sexless weeks

Men are really dumb sometimes

Like bruh do you really want to dig your heels in on something that can easily be corrected, keep being inefficient n thus celibate or do you want harmony n peace at home?

The choice is yours!

*pretty much how I feel when L gets boneheaded on an issue

carmen_b
07-29-2022, 09:30 AM
^ I never really " cut " J off unless he does something totally stupid ( he hasn't ).
Our only large issue where I threatened to move out was when he took over 24 hours to remove his ex from social media.
That was the only huge flaw in the last 14-15 months. I don't think that is too bad. We have lived together since last summer.

Another thing that is odd to me is that the house is huge and all the bedroom are upstairs.
So ...... we could easily get it on downstairs in the tv room he made but he really won't when his child is here which is super odd to me.
I'm not really in the mood per say 90% of the those days but just knowing that there is this firm 100% limitation is very weird.
He said we should put a lock on that door and I should probably call a handyman or just figure it out myself.

The main reason I went back to therapy was to try to get some pro help on this overall thing that I can not seem to be happy ( like a 9-10 on quality of life scale ) at all during the visits. I feel like even a day that goes pretty great my quality of life is just a 5-7 on the visit days on a 1-10 scale. When it's just us a couple it seems high quality almost all the time.
I just don't know if that is normal.
I've brainstormed myself and am hitting a wall trying to come up with ways to increase happiness on those days.
We have talked somewhat openly and he makes an effort to include me, not completely cut off affection , ect.

miss.a.p1600
07-29-2022, 09:46 AM
^im the same way.

I don’t want to do anything sexual when his kids are here. But my rationale is different. If he’s craving sex, I want him to have incentive to hurry up and take them back to Bertha.

Plus he’s loud as hell.

J probably is scared his daughter notices he’s not hovering, goes looking for him, then bursts in while y’all are butt naked on the Bear skin rug! Another way men are super protective of their daughters. Completely rule out the possibility of them accidentally hearing or seeing.

L doesn’t want to do anything sexual when his daughter is here but could care less about his son being accidentally exposed to the visuals or audio.

It’s always a good thing to have the door locked. I also have to tie his mouth shut sometimes or use white noise (air conditioner, washing machine, etc) to drown out the noise of his sexual theatrics. 9 times out of 10 I make him wait till those kids are gone.

carmen_b
07-29-2022, 09:47 AM
^ I'm the loud one. :)

carmen_b
07-29-2022, 09:51 AM
I can turn it down though for the right situation obviously haha.

Wow, I just found this thing on Amazon that turns a non-locking interior door into a locking one !
I hope it works ! I need to pick one out and order it !

miss.a.p1600
07-29-2022, 09:59 AM
^lol! Yeah our house is about 2k+ sq feet but I can hear EVERYTHING. And I think if I can hear everything then they can probably hear everything.

I feel ya on the diminished quality during kid visits.

I get anxiety before and during his kids being here. Then I am relieved when they are gone back to Bertha.

It’s L’s fault though. He RARELY gives me a start AND end time of their visits, he frequently changes when they’ll arrive or depart (always last minute; always prolonging it to more than 2 nights), he put a bad taste in my mouth when he refused to check his son and allows him to be messy/game all day and night/and talk loudly on the game, his daughter is needy (ADHD and constantly wants to be entertained) and got pissy when I said they need to do chores, his daughter doesn’t have her hair done / his kids are rarely dressed appropriately to go out in public so I rarely want to be seen in public with them, etc etc

It’s just a lot of emotional energy dealing with him refusing to set boundaries and structure that I like and feeling like if I say anything it’s going to be pushback and stonewalling.

I hate the loss of control in my own home which is why I don’t like it when there here.

It would be better if L was on the same page as me. Then I would enjoy it more. But he’s not and I don’t.

The good thing is they’re typically here 2 days a week. Bad thing is it’s EVERY WEEK. He literally will not say NO - I want a free weekend - to Bertha or those kids. Ex is when the bitch insisted they be here on Mothers Day AND Fathers Day.

Typing this made me realize I need to leave or travel more…..in order to have more satisfaction dealing with a divorced man with kids

carmen_b
07-29-2022, 11:56 AM
^ Little two day trips out of town ( conveniently timed) could help a lot.
I leave tomorrow for 2.5 days.

miss.a.p1600
07-29-2022, 12:32 PM
^Nice!

The territory invaders touch down tonight.

L was like “let’s all go for pizza!”

Um not at no damn 8pm.

Those kids need to take their asses to bed 2-4 hours after they get here. I don’t want them wired af and staying awake all night.

miss.a.p1600
07-29-2022, 02:49 PM
L says he’s a bit uneasy about the conversation we had about why I wasn’t trying to instantly marry him and I brought up his and his ex-wife disorganized parenting schedule, telling me last minute when he planned to get them early or have them stay late, etc

This was the first time he admitted he desired to be a full time dad and that HE was the one wanting more than 2 nights.

He forced me to talk about this and now that he’s feeling uncomfortable about what I said - he’s giving me the “I’m ready for the therapist” and “I need to compose my thoughts”

Ugh!!!!

miss.a.p1600
07-29-2022, 03:30 PM
Okay. It’s the weekend. I’m going to quit my bitching and moaning and be positive for as long as possible.

Thankfully L and Bertha arranged for their kids to have a weekend with L’s family.

I’ll most likely be engaging in work or something productive. I’m going to make sure to tell them “I am AT WORK” so they don’t assume the worst and so I can get the money maker going.

They’ll be here 1 day and 1 night

Since it’s less than his usual 2, I’m going to be more available and interact with them a bit more.

carmen_b
07-29-2022, 04:50 PM
^ It can be hard to unpack complex issues .
If HE really desires to see them 3-4 days a week there isn't really anything you can do that would magically " undo " that desire.
IF he increases though ..... it's GOT to the be smooth and organized.

I think honestly part of why my partner has 50/50 is that any more custody would have cost him so much otherwise that it kind of *had* to be there. :/
So ..... when " our " time starts he is just fine with gathering up the stuff and sending her off haha.

carmen_b
07-29-2022, 04:52 PM
That is smart I'd say.
If it's 2 days then of course you should definitely interact on one of the days at least.




Since it’s less than his usual 2, I’m going to be more available and interact with them a bit more.

carmen_b
07-29-2022, 05:00 PM
We did get the chance to talk.

This summer was just rough.
The lack of structure really threw me off .

I'm struggling and we need some help. I feel like this is NOT a mystery. I tried to hide it but it just came out that I was really struggling.
His own family has even said that his daughter is easier to be around on a school day. Like .... we have struggled for 8 weeks the exact duration of having school out.

It isn't misbehavior. It's more his tendency I think to " cling " . It has created a culture where she doesn't give anyone a break ( she doesn't play in her room at all it's always out in the shared areas of the house ). It is just something we are dealing with NOW .
I couldn't have " known what I was getting into" like the people on forums like to say haha .
I wouldn't have guessed this would be a thing.

I'm not really going to get into the issue of " ok your nearly 10 year old is a little behind her age on this thing " . I don't want to tackle that right now. It was more just noticing the logistics of having difficulty in the house ( NOT talking about it isn't helping ). We are trying to brainstorm. It's ALSO not ok for me to walk downstairs and glare at them ( which admittedly probably has happened on my part ).
I need to do my part too . I can not just be wandering around in full bitch face. I admitted too that I will feel a little impatient or agitated and then probably " pull back " my time and energy a little too early than what is fair . I know I have done that on certain days for sure.

carmen_b
07-29-2022, 05:49 PM
I think there is this other slight thing.

I feel like after the Hawaii trip J kind of pulled back on spoiling me a little haha !
I totally understand the reason ( it was an expensive trip ) *but* I realized just now that part of July is THAT element.
Like ...... he took away my toys ( nice dates ) and I'm not pleased about it haha .

Our flights and hotel were $4200 of which I gave him $1500.
We did agree to " split " it verbally when booking . Maybe he is thinking I didn't contribute enough.
I should probably ask him about it ( so it doesn't cause resentment ).
Part of why I felt it was fair though was that we booked it 8 days out .
I would have booked it a month out and been able to get better deals all around but HE was slow in booking.

He mentioned something in the talk about " feeling taken advantage of " and I was like " maybe I should give more ..... maybe rent ..... other things for the house ? " .
He said "no I wouldn't take it ".

I explained part of why I keep my hours so well protected is so I can contribute heavily if we *were* to buy a house together at some point. It helps both of us.

miss.a.p1600
07-29-2022, 06:49 PM
^He shouldn’t resent that. If he wanted a true split he would have said “hey hon, the trip is $4200 so when I get your 2100 I’ll book it.”

He never did.

So, I’d think he’s probably just glad you contributed something financial if it was an agreement to each cover a portion.

He didn’t specify a percentage or dollar amount split upfront so it is what it is.

You should ask him to clarify the “taken advantage of” statement. Could be about when he mentioned a while back that he wanted you more involved with him/his daughter

miss.a.p1600
07-29-2022, 06:56 PM
I thought everything would be cool tonight since they be here briefly until tomorrow morning then he’s taking them to his relatives but L is starting on his tirades and trying to force “deep” “meaningful” relationships with his kids.

Also, I think his kids have ADHD or something and they will not sit their asses down an watch a movie with L. And they keep talking through the movie. He chose to get them this eve so he needs to sit there too and be with them.

I really don’t want to start my step- parenting time until Sunday, when he’s off work. I just finished housekeeping and work related activities so I’m drained and ready for bed.

I wish L would back up off me and stop forcing his agendas

carmen_b
07-29-2022, 09:09 PM
^ ^ So he's doing a day today and then two days Sun. and Mon ( his usual two day batch )?

carmen_b
07-29-2022, 09:11 PM
We did agree to do therapy FOR REAL .
We sat down and made the phone calls this time and blocked a few hours of windows off next week .

I really do need some help with things .
I think the help I really needed though was just her out of the house even 3-4 hours 2 times a week . :/

He mentioned things like " don't only suggest ways to get rid of her " which is valid and I don't want him to feel like that .
He knows I don't only suggest that stuff either ( we had ONE adventure in July with all three of us out of the house and I planned it ).
I told him I wasn't suggesting she was gone 9-10 hours a day everyday !
It is just weird to me that he works ( job wise ) at a very high level but it seemed like I was the only trying to be proactive and create a sustainable vibe .

carmen_b
07-29-2022, 09:15 PM
I'm pretty involved !
I did take *one* day pretty much to myself of the last three day visit ( last Mon / Tues / Wed ) but I don't think that is too much.


Could be about when he mentioned a while back that he wanted you more involved with him/his daughter

carmen_b
07-29-2022, 09:23 PM
I think to get unlocked we both probably need to give a little.
He can't be offended if other people are like " no I don't want to spend ALL day with your child ". I also probably don't need to take an attitude where " I'm giving 2 hours max today ". This last visit I was definitely not at my best. I gave something like 75 minutes on Monday , did my own thing entirely Tues., and then saw them a couple hours on Wed.

Anyway .
Now I’m panicking.
With his solo trip in the first week of Aug and my solo trip later in the month we only have 18 days together in the month at home. A day at a time.
I feel like it was nasty to not just book my ticket ( in a way ) because I look at Aug where it’s Aug 1-3 and she’s here , Aug 4-8 where he’s gone, and then Aug 9-11 she’s here .
I won’t see him solo until Aug 12.
~ ... sigh ... I didn’t speak up I guess a couple weeks ago.
I’m a little mad he just didn’t book me a ticket.
He is seeing a band in Atlantic City.
If he would have booked it ( my ticket ) a few weeks ago I wouldn’t have taken on a client in the middle.

miss.a.p1600
07-30-2022, 05:04 AM
^ ^ So he's doing a day today and then two days Sun. and Mon ( his usual two day batch )?

He’s only off on Sunday

But he agreed to help Bertha arrange childcare on her vacation days fri-sun by getting them after work fri eve, have them spend the night, take them to his relatives house Saturday day - Sunday day, then bring them back here I assume Sunday day and take them back to berthas Sunday eve.

So basically one day and one night.

He pisses me off because he never gives an END time so he usually tries to spring it up on me last minute like “oh my son is going to stay another day and I’ll take him back right before I go to work…is that cool” knowing good and damn welll if I say no he has to backtrack and tell his son no because he already agreed to it before presenting it to me.

miss.a.p1600
07-30-2022, 05:12 AM
I'm pretty involved !
I did take *one* day pretty much to myself of the last three day visit ( last Mon / Tues / Wed ) but I don't think that is too much.

I could be wrong but he feels there is a disconnect between you and his daughter or not on same page with parenting styles. And that came out this summer.

Notice where you said he seems offended when you suggest summer camps and how he views it as “getting rid of her”

I maybe more biased to your perspective because I agree with you on summer camps and think kids need to enjoy fun time around kids their own age v clinging to their parents but each parent has their own style

Some parents love the summer cling fest while others enroll in camps to prevent the cling fest. Those camps are pricey too. He could be low key trying to save money on that so he can spend it elsewhere

miss.a.p1600
07-30-2022, 05:16 AM
And yes Carmen

Divorced dads with kids get offended if you do anything except sing praises of their “innocent angels” and let them parent like they did before you even if it’s inefficient

But yeah my therapist gave me excellent advice and said “anytime you want change, you HAVE to show them how the change would benefit the kid (not you)” Even though you deserve peace and quiet in your home you still have to outline how does this improve things for the kid?

Otherwise if you phrase it in a way that itÂ’s something you want then yes the dudes be getting offended and misinterpreting

carmen_b
07-30-2022, 06:08 AM
^ The camps were not pricy.
I see I should have done the sign up myself.
I think a 6 week one for example ( 8-Noon ) a couple days a week was $150.
They were not much.

I definitely did phrase it that way too ( focus on fun adventure for her ).
I left the brochure out too where she could see it and she circled things herself too.

Oh well ... I lost this one. :/

miss.a.p1600
07-30-2022, 06:22 AM
Carmen I propose all the ladies here, whose partner doesn’t have summer camps procured for their kids, plan a girls trip next summer lol!!!!

Some tropical island somewhere where phone service is scarce and no guilt trips can be made. Ahahaha.

Ah, the joys of step-parenting……ya win some, ya lose some.

miss.a.p1600
07-30-2022, 06:36 AM
L left for work…..AND took his kids out of this house for drop off at his relatives

I feel kind of bad because I did not help him one bit with his parenting last night or this morning because I refuse to lift a finger when it’s his work day. When he agrees to help Bertha because he won’t tell her NO I AM WORKING….then he needs to feel the burn of his decisions. Not me.

My step/co-parenting begins on Sunday.

THANK YOU HEAVENS!!!!!

carmen_b
07-30-2022, 07:04 AM
I think I’ve reached a point where I simply have to play nice Aug 1-3 before he travels.
The lack of structure has upset me to a point that I don’t really want to be around them.
If I stay up north the entire time before he leaves I don’t think it would look good though.
I'll leave today and spend two nights up North and then three with them before he travels.

I might seem overly picky but I feel like I'm not being treated *the best* right now.
1. He could have purchased me a ticket a few weeks ago and I could have just gone. Since he didn't and I knew I wasn't traveling I booked a client Aug. 6th. Replacing myself on the job would cost me $400 or so at this point ( and also doesn't look good short notice ) .
2. He could have arranged to at least have the DAY he got back for just us. It just feels so " meh " right now with three days of all of us here , then 5 days for his trip, then 3 days of all of us here. He really couldn't have TOLD his ex the trip was 6 days to create a day for us after the trip?

^ I'm not really sure if these things are worth mentioning.
It's probably best to just try and make the best of it.

miss.a.p1600
07-30-2022, 08:11 AM
*^same here.

As triggered and annoyed as I am by past actions and past conversations

I just have to be positive as I can for as long as I can for my mental sanity.

I am researching storage units and putting up items for sale/donation so Im taking the first step in moving how *I* want since L is moving how he wants and being so forceful about these kids being the center of my world like they are his but that’s not my role nor do I want that role.

I’m going to put my engagement ring and wedding dress up for sale to help fund my move out of here if he doesn’t (at minimum) compromise and quit forcing his agenda on me :(

miss.a.p1600
07-30-2022, 08:19 AM
^probably not mention it since you said you prefer to play nice for a bit.

But just make a note to yourself and if it’s important enough to address later when he’s more receptive

carmen_b
07-30-2022, 08:36 AM
His trip is throwing me but it’s not worth a fight .
If things were “ normal “ schedule wise in the next 10 days ( 5 with just us and 5 with daughter ) it would be much easier.
It just isn’t . :/
I prepped myself mentally for this too knowing it was coming up.

Sexy times will be limited due to schedule being limited.

miss.a.p1600
07-30-2022, 09:31 AM
^L seems to act worse when he doesn’t have sexy times.

Ugh!

As if acting like a pouty bitch is going to make me more sexually attracted

Boy bye!

Keep these bills paid - and make BERTHA not me - take care of those kids …… and that will attract me.

carmen_b
07-30-2022, 01:28 PM
^ Yeah it seemed alright to give him something last night. Ha.

There’s no use in making us both miserable.

Admittedly the limited time in Aug is my fault too since I’ll be in Montana 7-8 days.
The solo trips not occurring at the same time got us.
We can’t magically just make them happen at the same time.
I’m at my cabin now. :)

Jucie
07-31-2022, 12:15 AM
I’m at my cabin now. :)

Having a cabin would be a dream, I’d love to have a place to escape to!

miss.a.p1600
07-31-2022, 07:47 AM
^exactly. I’d give my left tit to have a cabin to escape to whenever I’ve met my “idgaf” limit. Which is pretty much once a week.

L is sick

And instead of calling Bertha to come get her kids. He’s just sleeping away all oblivious and shit.

This hoe better magically bring her big ass to pick these kids up. Bitch you are not on vacation you are chilling at the house soaking up as much time without the kids YOU wanted and birthed out you lazy trifling cunt!

I know I said one day was doable but the anxiety of this mf spreading his pathogens then EVERYONE getting trapped over here sick (and this bitch allegedly being nowhere to be found) is bringing out my worst fears.

I’m so done right now!!!!

miss.a.p1600
07-31-2022, 08:27 AM
Ok. He’s being reasonable and his kids will be going back to Berthas house

carmen_b
07-31-2022, 11:54 AM
My dog is loving it.
There was traffic so a bummer it took over 5 hours to get here.
Speeding a little I can often do it in 4 hours 40 min. haha !
It's *very* rustic and quirky.
I'm actually in the process of designing some womens type retreats up here also.

I definitely plan to be here at least 48 hours before returning haha.
Turning a 5 day visit into a 2 day one ( by the time I get back tomorrow there really isn't much of tomorrow left ) ......... it was a good idea.
Part of what we talked openly about was that in order for this to work and be sustainable he needs to be OK with the answer of " I'd like to see her a couple days of the longer visit ". It is NOT offensive for someone without kids to be like " ok we had some time and enough is enough ". Part of what we will work with ( therapy ) is trying to figure out that line of the right amount of time and try to get some guidance.


Having a cabin would be a dream, I’d love to have a place to escape to!

carmen_b
07-31-2022, 12:12 PM
Having some quiet is making me feel more hopeful.
J said he thought our convo went really well.
They WERE invited on this too fyi he just declined because he is traveling soon.

I'm feeling better about this week. Monday will hit and we will have two days with his daughter.
Then I'll have 5 days solo.
Sure ..... we don't have ANY time for just us but it's a rare time.
It'll fly.

I mentioned a few things :
Of course I told him he should have just bought my ticket lol . Did any of us think I would really keep my mouth shut haha ?
I also mentioned that I was bummed on the organization of the calendar ( that he didn't come back to a day with just us ).
^I guess he DID try for that but his ex was traveling ( supposedly ). Ok , fine. At least knowing he tried made me cheer up a little.

He promised me that on Tues. and Wed. he will organize the days really well.
If he is smart he will create a " couples only window " both days.
We talked about an activity outside ( paddle boards ) and also to a restaurant.
For me it's a real mental shift if I know the full schedule of the day early ( day before or in morning ).

miss.a.p1600
07-31-2022, 12:21 PM
I have a feeling of like what part of divorced men (or heck divorced people) think it’s okay to just hand off their childcare load onto their partners with no regard to how to make it EASY for their partners?!?

And it’s not like a “let me ask and accept her answer” or “let me consider her valid concerns/recommendations”

It’s more like a “if she doesn’t give me what I want, then I will do it my inefficient way AND get offended she dare ask to consider all other resources for childcare”

The perfect responses from a divorced dad should be:
1. How much is it going to cost to take you away from your job and help me care for my child? $600? Ok let me wire that to you.

2. What you’re working today? Okay no worries I will have quality childcare lined up today so neither one of us has to worry. I’ll pick the kid up and bring home groceries at 4.

3. I know you’ve sacrificed a lot putting up with my endless baggage. Here is some money to pad your retirement. And the remaining is for shopping trip and spa.

4. Dealing with my countless childcare crisis is not easy but you make it look easy. I want to return the favor and make things easy for you. What bills do you need paid?

5. Yes my kid(s) are expensive. And I want to also make sure I have more than enough for you my dear. How much not a salary bump do we need? Extra $50k/year? No prob. I’ll beef up my resume and meet with HR tomorrow to discuss transfers/promotions/etc.

6. What did my incompetent ex-wife mess up on the schedule? Again? Well I have no qualms telling her NO to any last minute unplanned childcare requests unless it’s a hospital emergency. Don’t worry my kids have home training, are well-adjusted, and respect my authority. Plus, I will ALWAYS consult with you first before agreeing to have my kids over (if it’s outside the normal parenting schedule)

7. I have no guilt whatsoever about divorcing my ex wife and I’d never go back to that hag.

8. My children are angels. No really. They are independent, respectful, do well in school, and respect boundaries.

9. This is YOUR home dear. What you say is what goes!

I believe that if more divorced men acted less entitled and more grateful and generous they would have more peace at home and longer lasting relationships

carmen_b
07-31-2022, 12:24 PM
So Bertha didn't actually leave town on this " vacation " lol ?

miss.a.p1600
07-31-2022, 12:30 PM
^i am just assuming she’s lying so she could get a 3 day weekend child free instead of just 1 day (day that L is off work this weekend)

I could be totally wrong. And she could be jet setting somewhere.

Cool.

But her bitch ass better not try to fake poverty next month like she did early part of this summer when she took a vacation then came back next month and allegedly couldn’t pay her electricities and car payments. This hoe better have all her bills paid up through end of the year cause if I get word she’s jet setting and expecting L to pay her bills I WILL rage against both of them as I’m walking out the door on his ass.