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miss.a.p1600
08-04-2022, 08:51 PM
LOLLLLLLLL bio-mom sent husband a house rental that’s literally on the same street as her, saying “The kids could walk to your house!”

FUCK. NOOOOOOO

What really makes me mad is that it actually would be an amazing rental for the price if it wasn’t RIGHT down the street from her.

I told my husband I’m mad at him for mentioning the moving to her in the first place. That it should have been something WE discussed amongst ourselves for the next few months, not something she’s invited herself into now that he made her, basically a promise, that we would definitely be doing this.

LOL!

If ya moved there, she’d be popping up uninvited, the kids would be running back and forth whenever they felt like it…..it sounds like scheduling chaos and no boundaries.

carmen_b
08-04-2022, 08:52 PM
^ J told me he struggled a ton which I totally get !
I *almost* didn’t want to meet him either even with his handsome picture !

I think we can make progress but the “ I need this and this “.... goodness go find it !
If you are hogging all my time something has to give !
I seem to be getting NO points for being able to hang when he only has 50% of his schedule open ! Lol. Do the math. If I only get half the time it has to be amazing !
I can give a lot when I’m being spoiled ... including plane tickets.
Show me you are sorry !
I hope to hear a bell ring tomorrow with a package or flowers .
:/

He mentioned he felt his life wasn’t high enough in quality .
So odd we were both thinking in those terms. Creepy.
I can’t get above a “ 6 “ on a family day.
I have hope for improvements though if we WORK at it !
Be positive and fight with me ! Brainstorm with me!

His texts have taken a more positive turn which is good.

Maybe he’s worried about leaving me alone !
Don’t fear J .... I won’t get mad and find a new partner today. I’m a classy lady . I’d wait a couple days haha. I’d also have a FULL schedule to give them. It’s an observation .

miss.a.p1600
08-04-2022, 08:57 PM
^ Just all around absurdity they couldn’t let him recover.

Because they know divorced dad guilt will have him bending over backwards = no breaks; no recovery time.

L does the exact same thing he goes straight from work/clocks out then immediately starts his parenting time. Fine do what what ya do but don’t expect me to lift a finger / entertain those kids after I’ve had a long day at work.

miss.a.p1600
08-05-2022, 03:52 AM
Had a couples therapy session and THANK GOODNESS the therapist explained to him it was NOT okay to be scheduling his parenting time last fucking minute after telling that ex wife and those kids it was okay then informing me last.

He’s still hell bent on marrying SOON and I’m thinking to myself - um what is in it for me? Because all I see right now is being saddled with debt and sloppy parenting schedules and possible custody of your obnoxious kids.

You are lucky A lady of my caliber is dealing with you but if you want me to even entertain the idea of marriage you absolutely need to make it worth my while. Love ain’t enough. Maybe these desperate hoes will marry you with all your baggage but not me. Clear the baggage!

miss.a.p1600
08-05-2022, 04:06 AM
L does the same thing like “well the summer is almost over” excuse whilst continuing to act totally inefficient

L brought up how I was never spontaneous.

Um not when it comes to those kids I’m not.

And how “It’s summertime” “The schedule should be spontaneous because there is more free time for the kids”

Um NO - don’t act like you’ve never seen a calendar and didn’t know how to read it. You knew summer was coming, I asked you multiple times about summer camps etc and YOU chose to try and saddle me with those kids (uncompensated)

No ma’am.

Found out quickly I am not for the super sloppy summer “anything goes” scheduling.

Aurora_Sunset
08-05-2022, 06:10 AM
LOL!

If ya moved there, she’d be popping up uninvited, the kids would be running back and forth whenever they felt like it…..it sounds like scheduling chaos and no boundaries.

Omg it would be a nightmare. She would expect to send them over every single day me or my husband have off work, staying until bedtime so we'd NEVER have time alone together again. She'd probably even try sending them over in the day on her weekends, thinking my husband "works nights" and that means he can entertain during the day (not like he needs sleep or anything... she's already done versions of this the last time he was on night shift). She'd probably "discreetly" send them over to knock on the door anyway if we told her we were busy, and then claim "shock" and "ignorance" that her kids "snuck out of the house" after she told them they couldn't come over - just to make us look like assholes for saying no when we're home. If we didn't answer her calls immediately for some reason, she'd come driving or "walking her dog" past our house. There would be NO boundaries, but she'd still expect to keep all her child support. And you know she'd expect us to keep them strictly at OUR house during our actual parenting weekend and come up with reasons why they can't come back to HER early or whenever they want during OUR weekends.

It kills me that she's suddenly being all "omg move in down the street from me and be fulltime parents with me!" when just a couple weeks ago she was telling us that she didn't want us to raise her kids if something ever happened to her... You can't have it both ways, bitch. If you think shit about our parenting skills, we're not gonna set up shop down the street so we can parent for you fulltime. She was all about trash-talking my husband's parenting when dickhead stepdad was around, but now that she doesn't have him, she's more than happy to pass off everything to my husband again.... Like, oh, he's only acceptable as a father when you don't have some other dick taking advantage of your mortgage-free house?

Aurora_Sunset
08-05-2022, 06:13 AM
L brought up how I was never spontaneous.

Um not when it comes to those kids I’m not.

And how “It’s summertime” “The schedule should be spontaneous because there is more free time for the kids”

Um NO - don’t act like you’ve never seen a calendar and didn’t know how to read it. You knew summer was coming, I asked you multiple times about summer camps etc and YOU chose to try and saddle me with those kids (uncompensated)

No ma’am.

Found out quickly I am not for the super sloppy summer “anything goes” scheduling.

Yeah, I'm over the "spontaneous summer schedule" thing. Like I said in an earlier post, just because the kids aren't in school doesn't mean that anything in OUR schedules change. There still needs to be a schedule. I'm fine for allowing more time if it's a holiday weekend or we actually plan something for that specific weekend, like an out of the house, summer activity that's only happening on that day/weekend. But there is otherwise no reason to throw everything into chaos just because the kids have total freedom - no one else does.

Well... except bio-mom because she's a teacher. So, she conveniently forgets that most adults DO still have to work during the summer. She gets into the same mindset as the kids - this "It's summertime and there's so much free time, and I'm just stuck at the house bored all day every day" mindset. Well, the rest of us are still on our same schedules as the rest of the year...

miss.a.p1600
08-05-2022, 07:59 AM
Omg it would be a nightmare. She would expect to send them over every single day me or my husband have off work, staying until bedtime so we'd NEVER have time alone together again. She'd probably even try sending them over in the day on her weekends, thinking my husband "works nights" and that means he can entertain during the day (not like he needs sleep or anything... she's already done versions of this the last time he was on night shift). She'd probably "discreetly" send them over to knock on the door anyway if we told her we were busy, and then claim "shock" and "ignorance" that her kids "snuck out of the house" after she told them they couldn't come over - just to make us look like assholes for saying no when we're home. If we didn't answer her calls immediately for some reason, she'd come driving or "walking her dog" past our house. There would be NO boundaries, but she'd still expect to keep all her child support. And you know she'd expect us to keep them strictly at OUR house during our actual parenting weekend and come up with reasons why they can't come back to HER early or whenever they want during OUR weekends.

It kills me that she's suddenly being all "omg move in down the street from me and be fulltime parents with me!" when just a couple weeks ago she was telling us that she didn't want us to raise her kids if something ever happened to her... You can't have it both ways, bitch. If you think shit about our parenting skills, we're not gonna set up shop down the street so we can parent for you fulltime. She was all about trash-talking my husband's parenting when dickhead stepdad was around, but now that she doesn't have him, she's more than happy to pass off everything to my husband again.... Like, oh, he's only acceptable as a father when you don't have some other dick taking advantage of your mortgage-free house?

Girl this sounds similar to how L and his ex wife tried to propose he take custody of his son and have him living here.

FUCK NO!!!!

To me that meant whenever his son would go back to Bertha then his daughter would come over and we would have no breaks from those kids. None.

Plus that kids thinks simply because he gets into an argument with his mom that he should automatically live here now?!? No. First of all learn to respect your elders and female authority. And if you think Bertha is strict I’m going to be twice as strict and you’ll be begging to go back.

I had to use all kids of reverse mental psychology on L to make him realize that would not be a good idea for his son.

One of the reasons I don’t want to marry him right now is I highly believe the moment I agree to marry him, he will pull a 52- fake out, and the very next day Bertha will drop her son off at my doorstep without notice and drive off. And L will be like “I’m taking custody of my son and he lives here full time now” - I highly believe he will try to push full-time custody of his kids onto me. Knowing good and damn well they need to stay with their mom!

carmen_b
08-05-2022, 09:03 AM
^ That is pretty funny that the therapist had to tell him last minute isn't ok ..... um ..... no shit ?
Haha.

You should look up this thing online " the stepmom rules " .
#4 is about that ( that YOU have to have a say about who is at the house and when ).

miss.a.p1600
08-05-2022, 09:08 AM
^yes girl. The therapist is a man and it took another MAN to tell him about himself.

he explained that he didn’t want his kids to feel the effects of the divorce and anytime they wanted to be with him he instantly would say YES. And that he felt like he didn’t need my “approval” to have his kids at this house.

Thank goodness he’s getting better at it but it still not completely registering inside his thick skull that I don’t have divorced dad guilt, I don’t like spontaneity when it comes to kids, and it’s jus overall not okay.

I did agree to the occasional spontaneous visit/extra time (which unbeknownst to him is still going to be planned) but for sure that’s not happening every cotdamn weekend.

carmen_b
08-05-2022, 09:34 AM
Omg I just can not believe what a shit show it turned into around here.
The fight over the horrible summer ........

I have hope that we can recover though.

I feel like after the recent batch of negativity I could also go " either way " .
A house where a kid doesn't show up every 3-4 days is sounding nice but I ALSO know I would miss my partner terribly ( when he isn't on a weird streak creating horrible situations and then getting horrible results ha ).

I have to acknowledge what I did wrong though. The FIRST day he did that I should have started working from an office.

Aurora_Sunset
08-05-2022, 10:35 AM
I had to use all kids of reverse mental psychology on L to make him realize that would not be a good idea for his son.



Truthfully, it's NOT good for the kids to have this wide open schedule. No matter how much it sucks for the divorce to affect them in some ways, you can't make it so that the divorce "never affects them." You just can't.

I can actually see us living on the same street as being worse for the kids. Right now, they already barely understand that physical distance is the reason they can't be over here all the time or have to leave by a certain time to get back to their mom's. I can only imagine how psychologically hard it would hit them for them to try to understand when we set a reasonable boundary that they can't come over on a particular day/night because we have adult plans when we're right there. They're not going to "get it" and it would just make it harder.

When we actually start looking for places seriously, I'm setting a boundary that 1) We won't be living in the same exact city as her. We can live to the south, east, or west of her, but we will not be in the exact same place. and 2) We will need to be at least 15 minutes away still. That's close enough but still far enough away that it requires a certain degree of planning for a roundtrip, and no one should just be popping up unexpectedly.

carmen_b
08-05-2022, 10:56 AM
^ Stick to all of that for SURE !

Kids need FIRM schedules.

carmen_b
08-05-2022, 10:57 AM
^ She is obviously regretting how much she has them lol !

miss.a.p1600
08-05-2022, 11:26 AM
Truthfully, it's NOT good for the kids to have this wide open schedule. No matter how much it sucks for the divorce to affect them in some ways, you can't make it so that the divorce "never affects them." You just can't.

I can actually see us living on the same street as being worse for the kids. Right now, they already barely understand that physical distance is the reason they can't be over here all the time or have to leave by a certain time to get back to their mom's. I can only imagine how psychologically hard it would hit them for them to try to understand when we set a reasonable boundary that they can't come over on a particular day/night because we have adult plans when we're right there. They're not going to "get it" and it would just make it harder.

When we actually start looking for places seriously, I'm setting a boundary that 1) We won't be living in the same exact city as her. We can live to the south, east, or west of her, but we will not be in the exact same place. and 2) We will need to be at least 15 minutes away still. That's close enough but still far enough away that it requires a certain degree of planning for a roundtrip, and no one should just be popping up unexpectedly.

I agree.

When Bertha moved back and this bitch decided to move just minutes away …. I quickly realized it was so she and those kids could ping L 24/7 (no matter if he’s sick, at work, off work, just woke up) and his divorced dad guilty self would come running.

you have no idea how his loose boundaries enables them to “forget” door keys, miss the bus, oversleep, etc and he always comes running. Like let THAT bitch handle the crisis during her parenting time. Do you ping her when the kids are over here????

I by some miracle L improves himself and significantly decreases his baggage, I’m going to stipulate that we live in the next town over. At least 45+ minutes away to where it will be inconvenient for him to be running to her beck and call during his nonparenting days. I don’t want to live anywhere near her. Cut the umbilical cord.

Bertha you have been divorced for 3+ years you should be a fully functioning single parent by now. If you didn’t want to be a single parent you should have thought about your kids before you created a divorce worthy environment in your home.

Not my fault and not my problem.

miss.a.p1600
08-05-2022, 11:46 AM
Truthfully, it's NOT good for the kids to have this wide open schedule. No matter how much it sucks for the divorce to affect them in some ways, you can't make it so that the divorce "never affects them." You just can't.

I can actually see us living on the same street as being worse for the kids. Right now, they already barely understand that physical distance is the reason they can't be over here all the time or have to leave by a certain time to get back to their mom's. I can only imagine how psychologically hard it would hit them for them to try to understand when we set a reasonable boundary that they can't come over on a particular day/night because we have adult plans when we're right there. They're not going to "get it" and it would just make it harder.

When we actually start looking for places seriously, I'm setting a boundary that 1) We won't be living in the same exact city as her. We can live to the south, east, or west of her, but we will not be in the exact same place. and 2) We will need to be at least 15 minutes away still. That's close enough but still far enough away that it requires a certain degree of planning for a roundtrip, and no one should just be popping up unexpectedly.

you have a good point I totally agree on this.

it grates my nerves when L tells his kids he’s off during the week and needs to run errands or simply have adult time for himself or heck maybe even us, it doesn’t register in their brains and they assume ALL his free time should be spent with them……they beg and haggle which further perpetuates his divorced dad guilt.

miss.a.p1600
08-05-2022, 02:58 PM
Just a reflection here….

It took the universe hitting L with coronavirus to give me the break I needed and deserved from him, his ex wife, and his kids.

He is so overbearing that he kept brining his ass out of isolation and I had to get forceful with him to tell him to take his ass to the other side of the house and SIT DOWN!

Anyways I hate that it took him getting ill to make this happen but it’s just a sign that he allows himself to be run down by Bertha and those kids to the point his immune system was low and he was susceptible

I get a nice two weekend break from those kids being all up in my space. It’s very quiet and peaceful.

L won’t say no to them to get me/us a break …. Coronavirus hit in the chest and forced him to say NO

Even though he left isolation twice because he was too pussy to tell Bertha to take care of her kids as long as he didn’t bring them back here.

miss.a.p1600
08-06-2022, 06:05 AM
It’s taking everything I have not to kick his sons ass rn

I have told L MULTIPLE times (at least 3) to tell his son not to touch my thermostat. And he keeps going in the middle of the night messing with it and causing my bill to raise higher.

I’m going to make L pay it since he obviously can’t check his son properly

Leave my thermostat alone mf before I give you the ass whoopin your parents should have given your for disobeying authority!

You want to be ice cold then take your ass back to Berthas house and let her pay $500+ so you can sleep in comfort and play with her thermostat. Get a job and put money on this bill and I’ll put the thermostat on whatever you want. Until then - don’t touch my shit again!

Your dad is too pussy and rolling in divorced dad guilt to hold you accountable but I don’t play that shit!

smeca
08-06-2022, 07:57 AM
^Ugh that is annoying, ac is expensive! It absolutely is the decision of the bill payer what temperature the house is at. Especially with bills as they are now.

So the other week went well. Maybe bc i was working and they cooked all week so I didn't have much involvement or anything to organise for extra people. Bf also came out and said we won't be cooking special dinners when she's here to fit her ever changing list of what she does and doesn't like, which is a relief.

I have next weekend with her bc bf is still at work, so planning what to do. I'll just do my normal stuff, but she'll have to come with me on saturday. I usually swim or go for a light hike. I'm feeling more relaxed about having her around now so I think I'm happy to take her out with me. Should probably keep it a short trip though, not sure I can handle the constant talking and questions my bf usually handles ( i spend most of my time alone or with a cat lol). Sunday is my chill day and it looks to be sunny so will just relax at home in the garden.

carmen_b
08-06-2022, 10:01 AM
^ It sounds like you have a plan and the time will go well. :)

carmen_b
08-06-2022, 10:55 AM
There is a lot to discuss.

I was heartbroken not to feel like I was fully invited on this Atlantic City trip.
Then I was heartbroken that he didn't schedule a full day for us before or after the trip .
THEN he knows I'm traveling to Montana Aug. 14-20.
Could he not have his daughter 5 days THAT week giving us 5 days on my return ?
OR maybe take her for the whole Aug. 14-20 duration ( 7 days ) and then give us the whole Aug. 21-27 duration ( 7 days )?
It feels like he planned all of Aug. without taking me into account at all !

I *think* I can move forward but ....... he has to sit down and hear about ALL this stuff in person. ^
So .... that'll be fun haha.
I really need to get it " out there " to be able to move forward.

He was mad that I " hid " upstairs too much over the summer ( obviously I should have been at an office ) but it seems extreme.
We had a talk going about " forward movement " as he was on the plane out of town.
I'm currently having some doubts.
We both did some stupid things which we can hopefully move on from. :/

Thoughts?
I'm obviously not sending this in the *middle* of a concert but I also can't pretend I didn't notice *ALL* of the above.
Do I send on the way back in the plane ( since last time he was so chatty on the plane ) ?
Ask his preference tonight for when he wants to chat ?
Or do I leave it alone and go for the " positive " vibe we are now aiming for ?

carmen_b
08-06-2022, 10:35 PM
^ I asked his preference. :/
This is THREE things or so piled ON TOP of each other !
NO more piling !

Um ..... a friendly PSA dudes.
If your lady is traveling for a week ...... take your kid EXTRA that week.
Duh. Like ...... totally DUH sheesh.

miss.a.p1600
08-07-2022, 05:12 AM
^reminds me of how Bertha will schedule her vacations on days L is working, his dumb ass comes to the “rescue” and offer to host them here without consulting me, then get pissed when I’m not receptive to the idea

Well…..let Bertha find family her kids can go to or take her kids with her.

Like use your common sense, schedule your time wisely, cotdamn mfers!!!!

Prime example of divorced dads making things 1000x harder because of their male entitlement, divorced dad guilt, and lack of adequate planning

miss.a.p1600
08-07-2022, 05:37 AM
My thoughts on what you said Carmen is he is offended by what he perceives as a slight towards his daughter and he is acting out towards you.

You being in your room when his daughter is over all day during the weekday should not have been an issue because you already told him “these are my protected hours”. He chose to barrel through with his agenda as if he is single and didn’t need to consider your input. That’s his problem that he had nothing planned for her for the summer except hanging off you both while y’all cater to her needs (nevermind *your* needs)

If he wanted to keep his daughter at the house all summer that’s fine but he shouldn’t expect you to be “uncompensated” nanny after you express your preference

I personally think J is going overboard and making it seem like it’s your fault you are in the wrong when he simply has unrealistic expectations, sloppy summer scheduling, and “this is my house and my kid so I’m right” sort of attitude

He didn’t just cold shoulder you once….he keeps doing it. So yes I think he is being “nasty” right now.

L pulled this crap with me one time where he got offended I hadn’t driven his kids anywhere and I wouldn’t offer to take his daughter with me to an event (which I explained it wasn’t an event I deemed appropriate for a little kid) but he didn’t care. The perceived rejection of his daughter cause him to have diarrhea of the mouth and say a bunch of fucked up things when we did discuss it. I don’t condone domestic violence but I wish I could have punched him in the jugular that day.


I think the men are absolutely wrong but this is absolutely why I will not be dating men with dependent kids in the future. They are delusional and think a lady’s world should revolve around their kids like it does for them, try to use their new partner as a glorified free nanny, and they cannot see past their delusions and entitlement

Anyhow I’m sure it will get better once he backs down and sees it from your perspective not just his and develops a good compromise for everyone to put in place.

carmen_b
08-07-2022, 06:42 AM
He realizes he went " overboard " in retaliation .
He said something to that effect before he left ( basically that he shouldn't have " pulled " back ).
There was also a drop off from affection going on ( we have therapy next Wednesday ).

I guess he was really offended one day when I was sitting there having coffee and I didn't take his hint to take his daughter to this nearby park.
It was this day that really threw us off ( the bug guy was coming but then arrived 35 min. late ).
We are ALL having such a bad morning having to get up at 7:45 a.m. for this guys arrival at 8 a.m. an then he didn't even show up until 8:30 am!
It was so weird. I didn't have intentions of taking anyone anywhere ! I wanted to give the guy instructions to start upstairs so I could get back up there 15 min. after he sprayed. I was like " you should have asked me the DAY BEFORE " not with 15 minutes notice. The guy being late had already thrown me off enough !

carmen_b
08-07-2022, 06:58 AM
I did end up asking him his preferences to get my " ok I have to get this out " list OUT .
He said to send it over last night or else he would wonder about it so I emailed.

I just *don't know* what to think of looking at the calendar and seeing only three days his daughter being there at the house of my SEVEN day trip Aug. 14-20.
Ummmmmm ...... am I completely invisible ?
THAT is the time to take MORE time to leave more for US later.
We are only on the ground together 14 days *TOTAL* in August.
I guess I'm the only one opening a calendar and noticing this ?

miss.a.p1600
08-07-2022, 10:08 AM
I overheard L yelling at his son through the phone because neither one of them know how to check him and make him clean up after himself. His son got on the phone and started laughing.

Boy nothing is funny about disrespecting your mother and you think having these petty ass squabbles with her will get you over here full time so you can game 24/7 and have a large house to yourself but let me tell you something. I ain’t ya weak boundary parents and you will be begging to get back to her if you tried pulling this custody stunt. I don’t play that shit!

When his kids don’t see him in person after 4 days or so they start creating fake “crisis” / acting out for attention.

Now L is probably going to be running over there to “rescue” Bertha from her lazy defiant son. Coming out of quarantine to help her do her job

Ex wife faking like she can’t parent and the kids learning classic manipulation tactics from her.

If L raised his kids properly (instead of coddling them) and Bertha wasn’t such a pissy cunt those kids would be much better adapted.

miss.a.p1600
08-07-2022, 12:14 PM
I did end up asking him his preferences to get my " ok I have to get this out " list OUT .
He said to send it over last night or else he would wonder about it so I emailed.

I just *don't know* what to think of looking at the calendar and seeing only three days his daughter being there at the house of my SEVEN day trip Aug. 14-20.
Ummmmmm ...... am I completely invisible ?
THAT is the time to take MORE time to leave more for US later.
We are only on the ground together 14 days *TOTAL* in August.
I guess I'm the only one opening a calendar and noticing this ?

That would make more sense.

But he’s probably thinking that you’ll ask for/create some family/step-daughter bonding time in there too. That could be why he’s not doing more in creating it the “US” time

He’s reluctant to give you what you want (couples time) because you seem like you don’t want to give him what he wants (more step-daughter bonding)

Somebody has to give though…..

carmen_b
08-07-2022, 12:30 PM
^ I will make an effort.
I kind of have to given that he didn’t schedule a day for me right when he got back.
I’ll think of something fun.

There was talk of his sister staying over Tues / Wed.
:/
She’s a nice person but houseguests ..... really ?
So now the hour 9-10 pm we usually have to ourselves gets absorbed too ?
We haven't had a day to ourselves in a week and it will total 11 days until we do on Aug. 12 !

miss.a.p1600
08-07-2022, 12:49 PM
^well id encourage the sister to take his daughter out Tuesday and Wednesday

Maybe go out with them for a girls hangout/lunch or whatever then leave an hour into it because you have to get back to work.

Also, if I were you I’d keep notes of ANY time you invest in his daughter (time, money, your physical presence) so when he goes into victim mode you can immediately set the record straight.

carmen_b
08-07-2022, 12:54 PM
^ I definitely hope she will.

He’d be an idiot not to suggest it Tues. haha.

I’d assume he could figure out the benefit of 2-3 hours of alone time after 5 days of travel haha.

I think school starts Wednesday. :)

Aurora_Sunset
08-07-2022, 02:52 PM
I'm grateful my stepkids were fairly well-behaved at an outing today. My coworker's son was turning 4, and she invited us to the Children's Museum for his party. We arrived right at the time they were supposed to serve food, but it was delayed by 20 minutes. We had to sit through eating, cake, and then a very young child opening presents for over an hour. I know they hated the "party" part of it, because they didn't know this kid or anyone there and it was boring. But they sat politely through it all until the end when they kept leaning over to ask if we could go. Honestly, that's pretty good for them. I was so stressed that they were going to act up and embarrass me in front of my coworkers.

Stepson was a turd a few times while we were walking around about wanting to go home. But generally, if we just tell him "We're not leaving, deal with it" and keep going, he'll get distracted with something else fun 2 minutes later and be fine.

miss.a.p1600
08-07-2022, 03:14 PM
I overheard L yelling at his son through the phone because neither one of them know how to check him and make him clean up after himself. His son got on the phone and started laughing.

Boy nothing is funny about disrespecting your mother and you think having these petty ass squabbles with her will get you over here full time so you can game 24/7 and have a large house to yourself but let me tell you something. I ain’t ya weak boundary parents and you will be begging to get back to her if you tried pulling this custody stunt. I don’t play that shit!

When his kids don’t see him in person after 4 days or so they start creating fake “crisis” / acting out for attention.

Now L is probably going to be running over there to “rescue” Bertha from her lazy defiant son. Coming out of quarantine to help her do her job

Ex wife a complete manipulative cunt and the kids learning classic manipulation tactics from her.

If L raised his kids properly (instead of coddling them) and Bertha wasn’t such a pissy cunt those kids would be much better adapted.

So I was exactly right.

So you are COVID positive. You’ve already exposed your kids 4 times by running over to help them with all their manufactured crisis ….. I’ll bet Berthas next question, after she fakes like she can’t parent her way out of a paper bag if those kids life depended on it, is “why can’t you host them at your house?”

Im glad he wants to spend time with them but I hate the precedence he’s setting (“doesn’t matter If I’m on vacation, fresh out of an operation, COVID unit, contagious, bleeding out …. Bertha you’re fully capable of taking care of the kids but I want to step in, make myself indispensable to you”)

miss.a.p1600
08-07-2022, 04:16 PM
This sounds odd but I wouldn’t mind Bertha attending the sessions.

Virtual though….. because she strikes me as someone I’d end up on Jerry Springer with. A little bit of ratchet. And maybe a mild fight. If it were in person.

Im kind of glad she just drives off before I open the door.

Idk. What if she has some common sense it’s L that’s the thorn?!?

carmen_b
08-07-2022, 04:19 PM
^ Speaking of Springer ..... did L ever get a paternity test lol ?

Cause that would be some shit .....

I’m totally joking haha

miss.a.p1600
08-08-2022, 05:07 AM
^that would be hilarious……doing all this work for some kids that aren’t even his.

I’d totally be that bitch who would perform discreet unknown to them dna tests so I could confirm.

Aurora_Sunset
08-08-2022, 06:21 AM
Why does my husband act like it's a feat of impossibility to wrangle the kids and do anything around here on the days he has them while I'm at work?

I let them stay an extra night last night and took the day off of work today, so I have them by myself. They entertained themselves quietly until I got up at 8:30. I fed them, gave them their meds, and in between/after all of that, I managed to do all the shit I usually do first thing in the morning plus some... Unloaded/reloaded and ran the dishwasher, cleaned the kitchen counters and stove, cleaned the litter boxes, took out the trash, and then gathered all the kids' clothes and bedsheets and started a load of laundry. All within about 30 minutes.

Explain to me why he can't even complete ONE of those tasks during the 12 hours I'm gone when he's here?

He acts like it just gets "so crazy" that he can't do even the simplest of tasks while they're here. No, you can actually get a ton done during the time you're waiting for breakfast to cook and they're eating if you just DO it. If he was a fulltime, every day parent, I would cut him some slack for the tedium of doing this every single day. But he can certainly handle it 2 mornings every other week. I swear... MEN.

miss.a.p1600
08-08-2022, 06:35 AM
^firstly, you’re an angel to host them on your day off

I would have dropped them off at the nearest drop in daycare center and sipped pina colada in my thong bikini lol!

Secondly you’re a much better multitasker than your husband it sounds like. Plus men erroneously assume that certain tasks are “women's roles” so they either won’t do them or shuffle their feet doing it.

Aurora_Sunset
08-08-2022, 06:48 AM
^firstly, you’re an angel to host them on your day off

I would have dropped them off at the nearest drop in daycare center and sipped pina colada in my thong bikini lol!


I specifically did it because of our outing to the museum yesterday. I really wanted to go, but stepson cannot handle going anywhere on Sundays when he knows he's returning to his mom's afterward. He throws a huge fit about it "cutting into his time" at our place, and then will ruminate on how he doesn't want to return to his mom's after the activity is over, making him super pouty the whole time. The last time we tried to take them out on a Sunday with them going home afterward, he embarrassed the absolute fuck out of me in front of my friends and their kids. This was probably 3 years ago, but still. My main motivation for keeping them today was so that he would chill out yesterday, knowing he still had another day here. It was a "selfish sacrifice" if that makes any sense lol

carmen_b
08-08-2022, 07:54 AM
It's probably worth tracking a few hairs down and sending it all in lol !


^that would be hilarious……doing all this work for some kids that aren’t even his.

I’d totally be that bitch who would perform discreet unknown to them dna tests so I could confirm.

carmen_b
08-08-2022, 07:57 AM
I think it's a guilt thing.
J can get in phases where he gets very little done because he won't let his daughter even hang 30-60 min. solo ( which she should easily do by now at nearly 10 years old ). He won't take it to the level of actually getting *super* behind but it's noticeable. Maybe it's that guilt. Your partner has a small time amount and so is it all " in your face " and totally attached the whole time ?

OR like you said ..... it could be phone addiction. He should consider going phone free for a few 30 min . durations in the day and see how he feels.

It sounds like your hubby might just need another " list " of what is his " 50% " of household stuff ?
I guess I was being a little sloppy and J had to mention some things to me which is definitely embarrassing.


Why does my husband act like it's a feat of impossibility to wrangle the kids and do anything around here on the days he has them while I'm at work?

I let them stay an extra night last night and took the day off of work today, so I have them by myself. They entertained themselves quietly until I got up at 8:30. I fed them, gave them their meds, and in between/after all of that, I managed to do all the shit I usually do first thing in the morning plus some... Unloaded/reloaded and ran the dishwasher, cleaned the kitchen counters and stove, cleaned the litter boxes, took out the trash, and then gathered all the kids' clothes and bedsheets and started a load of laundry. All within about 30 minutes.

Explain to me why he can't even complete ONE of those tasks during the 12 hours I'm gone when he's here?

He acts like it just gets "so crazy" that he can't do even the simplest of tasks while they're here. No, you can actually get a ton done during the time you're waiting for breakfast to cook and they're eating if you just DO it. If he was a fulltime, every day parent, I would cut him some slack for the tedium of doing this every single day. But he can certainly handle it 2 mornings every other week. I swear... MEN.

carmen_b
08-08-2022, 08:05 AM
Ummmmmmm ........ NO. Lol

He needs to get over this. If you guys are out of the house 8-10 hours each day then THAT is his weekend.
He can't just be an ass because he didn't get his lounge time quota. I'd talk to your partner about cutting this out.
What if your schedule just has activities both days ? NO.


He throws a huge fit about it "cutting into his time" at our place, and then will ruminate on how he doesn't want to return to his mom's after the activity is over, making him super pouty the whole time. The last time we tried to take them out on a Sunday with them going home afterward, he embarrassed the absolute fuck out of me in front of my friends and their kids.

miss.a.p1600
08-08-2022, 08:41 AM
It's probably worth tracking a few hairs down and sending it all in lol !

Ahahaha. His ass would probably go off the deep end if he found out he’d been expending 150% of his resources on some kids that aren’t even his.

Id totally do it.

Neither of his kids look like him and it’s just assumed of your married the kids are yours regardless if the wife is getting plowed by the ups guy.

carmen_b
08-08-2022, 08:44 AM
^ RIGHT ? Like .... there is a slight scientific possibility he could be shooting blanks and it's a friend of his babies or something like that lol ! Omg.

Of course the wife wouldn't say anything because then there is a chance of her actually having to do the work of taking care of them.

miss.a.p1600
08-08-2022, 08:46 AM
I specifically did it because of our outing to the museum yesterday. I really wanted to go, but stepson cannot handle going anywhere on Sundays when he knows he's returning to his mom's afterward. He throws a huge fit about it "cutting into his time" at our place, and then will ruminate on how he doesn't want to return to his mom's after the activity is over, making him super pouty the whole time. The last time we tried to take them out on a Sunday with them going home afterward, he embarrassed the absolute fuck out of me in front of my friends and their kids. This was probably 3 years ago, but still. My main motivation for keeping them today was so that he would chill out yesterday, knowing he still had another day here. It was a "selfish sacrifice" if that makes any sense lol

Ls kids are the same way.

they try to squeeze as much time out of him to be over here longer regardless of how inconvenient it is for everyone and he is usually too pussy to say “NO an extra 6 hours is not in the schedule however, I will see you promptly at 5pm on Saturday in 4 days!”

One time I overheard his daughter whining about “dang! We haven’t even been here 24 hours and it’s time to leave”

In my mind I’m thinking “This kid can barely count to 8 let alone know how many hours she’s been in this house so wtf are her parents feeding her this victim line. And number two you should be grateful for ANY time you get with your father you little ingrate. A lot of kids out here don’t see their dads but once a month, once a quarter, or not at all and you’re complaining when you see him on a regular. Girl bye!!!!”

miss.a.p1600
08-08-2022, 08:51 AM
^ RIGHT ? Like .... there is a slight scientific possibility he could be shooting blanks and it's a friend of his babies or something like that lol ! Omg.

Of course the wife wouldn't say anything because then there is a chance of her actually having to do the work of taking care of them.

Shit. I’m totally going to do this. Discreetly of course. Just to ease my mind.

He has been low on testosterone majority of his adult life due to a health condition and you need testosterone to produce sperm.

In theory she knows no one but L would be dumb enough. His guilt at divorcing and growing up in a single mother household leads him to bend over backwards to help her with those kids.

Aurora_Sunset
08-08-2022, 09:20 AM
Ummmmmmm ........ NO. Lol

He needs to get over this. If you guys are out of the house 8-10 hours each day then THAT is his weekend.
He can't just be an ass because he didn't get his lounge time quota. I'd talk to your partner about cutting this out.
What if your schedule just has activities both days ? NO.

I've brought it up multiple times. I even brought it up right at the beginning of this summer, and how it's fucking ridiculous that we never go anywhere when we have them because "god forbid, it cut into stepson's 'sitting on his ass' time." I know we're not an "anti-screen time" family, but I suggested that we might need to start setting limits to establish a new boundary, because it IS absolute bullshit that his son has a legit meltdown when we make him leave the house for a few hours - to do something FUN, no less. I told him to stop letting his one kid hold the rest of the family hostage just because his life revolves so heavily around video games to the point he can't handle doing anything else. My husband's response was basically to tell me that if me and stepdaughter wanted to get out of the house, I was "free to take her." Oh gee, can I? Can I spend MY money entertaining your kid just because you let your son walk all over you? That doesn't even address my concern that we should occasionally get out and do bonding things as a FAMILY.

I think part of it is that HE doesn't want to get out and go anywhere on his days off, and he thinks since we can't really "send them outside" at our apartment building, that he just has to "deal with them being inside all day" until we have a house with a yard.

Anyway... it's an ongoing debate. I did what I had to do this week, because it was better than trying to change years of this behavior by myself that my husband won't help correct - on a day when I truly just didn't want him to fucking embarrass me. This was the first time I was seeing these people outside of work, and I didn't want that hanging over my head.

They've really just kept to themselves all day lol Didn't argue with me when I asked them to shower and brush teeth. Haven't picked any fights with each other or gotten into things and made a mess. I'll probably go out and make lunch soon, and then my husband will be home shortly. He was supposed to work until 4:30 today, but I bugged him to come home 2 hours early so I could still get stuff done today.

Aurora_Sunset
08-08-2022, 09:25 AM
The thing I hate is that my husband and I can have discussions until I'm blue in the face about what I think he should be doing differently, but no matter how many times he "agrees" with me or says he'll start enforcing certain things, he WON'T do it unless I'm home, pushing him to do it. And I work most weekends, most of the day.

It becomes a Catch-22, where I honestly don't want to be home all the time when they're here, because their boundaries and behaviors are too loose and drive me crazy, and I don't think I should have to play "shadow parent" pulling the strings on my husband to FORCE him to do what needs to be done (or have to become the evil stepmother who is always 'strict' next to their lackadaisical father) . But he won't do it without me there, so very little ever seems like it will change with his parenting style unless I stop working weekends, and make him start doing shit.

carmen_b
08-08-2022, 10:12 AM
^ I'm kind of jealous you work both days they are there usually haha.

BUT ..... I say that in a place of severe burn out still and an INTENTION to come out of that burn out .
I mean if you work that is like 9 hours haha !
I would have your partner take them someone ONE of the days the first 2 hours you get back so you can relax.
Then the other day you could probably do the whole duration easier.

I will say that as rough as things got for us ( in part due to my own mistake of simply not working out an office ) that J did *eventually* this summer create some balance. He had made that effort to give me a quiet house a couple hours after the long drive recently and he had his kid elsewhere for 6 hours during her last two visit days.
I should have left at 8:45 a.m. the FIRST day he created a " lets linger around the house " vibe and not returned until after 5 p.m.

carmen_b
08-08-2022, 10:18 AM
Aurora :

I'm kind of hard core about this stuff ( as you've all seen haha ) . I think that kid is the age where he should be out mowing lawns , rustling up other little hustles , or out volunteering , OR something ! Your partner SHOULDN'T let him sit around all day. It isn't good for kids.

You could use my Moms old school tricks. She would rustle up these long to do lists of things she was doing at the house that particular day. Then we would be given a choice to help stay and work on these things OR we could go play during certain hours outside while she was doing some of the list. He could be given the choice of a *LESS* comfortable home stay OR getting out and entertaining himself . I'm pretty sure she would do like 45 min. of her list and then just chill out !