View Full Version : The Step Parent Corner …… rant, brag, shine, or cry here
carmen_b
08-11-2022, 08:21 PM
J has been fussy before when his sister is here.
I will say she was SO helpful !
She got the daughter clothes , picked her up from school first day!
I realize it probably makes me look bad ! Her arrival had odd timing ... like was it *her* schedule or did he call a reinforcement in for day #1 of school ?
He was off this entire week.
Maybe I need to do more !
She is almost 10. I feel like she should just get ready , eat , be ready for J to take her.
Is my line of thinking right for that age for school morning?
The sister did her hair.
I don’t touch it. I feel like she should do her own.
miss.a.p1600
08-11-2022, 08:33 PM
^ You are catching the son.
I bet Bertha doesn’t let him laze as much. It’s probably why he wants your place constantly .
I’d kill the WiFi or something or limit gaming to an hour.
I say that but then he’d probably be annoying and I’d end up giving it all back ha !
L just doesn’t seem willing to work with you.
Can’t he just do his two days then a bonus third day somewhere else ? :/
Well
thats the problem we’re running into. He’s probably frazzled because my proposal doesn’t allow for more than one overnight and his schedule is to blame.
Another problem is him and those kids are trying to get multiple overnights this weekend to make up for the lost time at this house when he had coronavirus (he still saw them multiple btw just didn’t host them at this house)
He’s only off Friday and Sunday
He doesn’t want to shuffle them back and forth so he proposed (and already insinuated to them) getting them after school Friday, And staying until Sunday or Monday (as im just hearing his son try to dictate).
I don’t want this proposal because it means *I* have to allow them to either stay in the house all
day Saturday while he’s at work or entertain them/take them with me if I go out. I don’t want them in my house all day (sets a bad precedence that “this house is the holding spot”) nor do I want to spend an entire Saturday by myself with them (I really have errands that will slow me down if Im bogged down with kids)
I propose he simply hang out with them OUTSIDE of this house after they get out of school Friday, Bertha drops them off here at 3pm on Saturday, he gets to the house at 6:30, they spend the night Saturday and have a Sunday with him before he takes them back to Bertha at 6pm.
No he is not working with me. He is running guilt trips and acting like a man child.
miss.a.p1600
08-11-2022, 08:51 PM
J has been fussy before when his sister is here.
I will say she was SO helpful !
She got the daughter clothes , picked her up from school first day!
I realize it probably makes me look bad ! Her arrival had odd timing ... like was it *her* schedule or did he call a reinforcement in for day #1 of school ?
He was off this entire week.
Maybe I need to do more !
She is almost 10. I feel like she should just get ready , eat , be ready for J to take her.
Is my line of thinking right for that age for school morning?
The sister did her hair.
I don’t touch it. I feel like she should do her own.
Thats awesome his sister was such a resource.
shit I’d call her up more especially in the summers or breaks.
Carmen I think I was raised similar to you in that I was very independent by 10-11 because I had to be. I cooked, cleaned, packed my own lunch, did my own hair, ironed, woke up to an alarm, and only missed the bus 1% of the time. Probably would have worked a job if I knew I could back then too. I was on point as a kid so I know kids have that capability
It just how you mentioned J seems like as you described “a helicopter” parent. He wants them to enjoy being a kid. And teaching independence is something he will have to be nudged into doing as she see how it would be beneficial to her.
carmen_b
08-11-2022, 08:55 PM
^ The sister was helpful but still impactful in the house ( and loud ).
I won’t personally ask for any more time with houseguests .
I just try to make the best of it .
He did watch our show with me though and it felt really good to still get that on a houseguest day.
In the past he hasn’t done that 45-60 min window to ourselves .
It made a big difference to me.
Maybe there will be steps to independence ...
It just doesn’t seem as encouraged and I would think.
miss.a.p1600
08-12-2022, 06:09 AM
right as Im waking up this bitch is like
“oh my daughter gets out of school early so she’s coming over today”
something is clearly wrong with him if he can’t figure out how to hang out with his kids OUT of this house. stop constantly bringing them here when you can wait with her at Berthas house, take her for ice cream, take her to the park, ANYTHING else but act cheap / militant/ and controlling using those kids
sure asshole bring them over, entice them to beg you over and over about staying at this house so I get conned into taking care of them while you’re at work, and tell me this bullshit while I waking up trying to start my day.
Anyways I’m secretly putting my engagement ring up for sale on eBay. I don’t want to deal with this fool playing games and forcing agenda for the next decade plus.
this asshole can find someone else to deal with his baggage
Well
thats the problem we’re running into. He’s probably frazzled because my proposal doesn’t allow for more than one overnight and his schedule is to blame.
Another problem is him and those kids are trying to get multiple overnights this weekend to make up for the lost time at this house when he had coronavirus (he still saw them multiple btw just didn’t host them at this house)
He’s only off Friday and Sunday
He doesn’t want to shuffle them back and forth so he proposed (and already insinuated to them) getting them after school Friday, And staying until Sunday or Monday (as im just hearing his son try to dictate).
I don’t want this proposal because it means *I* have to allow them to either stay in the house all
day Saturday while he’s at work or entertain them/take them with me if I go out. I don’t want them in my house all day (sets a bad precedence that “this house is the holding spot”) nor do I want to spend an entire Saturday by myself with them (I really have errands that will slow me down if Im bogged down with kids)
I propose he simply hang out with them OUTSIDE of this house after they get out of school Friday, Bertha drops them off here at 3pm on Saturday, he gets to the house at 6:30, they spend the night Saturday and have a Sunday with him before he takes them back to Bertha at 6pm.
No he is not working with me. He is running guilt trips and acting like a man child.
miss.a.p1600
08-12-2022, 06:34 AM
^im just going to leave the house (which I shouldn’t have to do) so I can get my work completed without him using that kid to be an obnoxious asshole.
Not cooking today.
And he just forfeited a week of sex.
Keep playing bitch and you’ll be masturbating the rest of the month.
carmen_b
08-12-2022, 09:47 AM
^ It's best to leave.
As you saw with us over the summer, partners struggle with the " leave me alone to work " thing.
miss.a.p1600
08-12-2022, 10:02 AM
^i feel like it’s a lose / lose right now.
I told him I was leaving and going to the library and his dumb ass was like “oh it’s because of my daughter?! Every time I tell you they’re coming over you jet out”
Well why tf would I sit around here trying to work when your kid is going to be watching cartoons on the tv, all over the house, being loud, etc. She would enjoy it much better if I’m gone then she can be herself, y’all can talk as loud as ya want, throw a party for all I care.
carmen_b
08-12-2022, 10:08 AM
^ Yes dumb ass it is lol !
I think I got confused on this one ?
SO he didn't tell you the actual time for the arrival until just hours before ?
miss.a.p1600
08-12-2022, 10:08 AM
The part that pisses me off is I don’t mind well-behaved kids
But him trying to force them on me vs. allowing me the space to volunteer my resources, being extremely pushy about having them over especially when he is AT WORK, his unhealthy co-dependent relationship with them/his ex-wife, refusing to allow me to say anything to them regarding helping to keep this house clean like every one else who lives here, guilt tripping me into doing more and more regarding those kids, is REALLY grating my nerves.
carmen_b
08-12-2022, 10:11 AM
^ I really don't think you are asking for too much.
J tells me the exact time of arrivals about two weeks ahead.
It's a " system " that can just repeat if L would let it ( I know his days vary but a " same us usual " pick up time and drop time could help ).
I don't think these guys realize how irritating it is to not have QUIET.
You lose the work at home luxury if it isn't quiet.
BUT .... at times it is just how it goes when sharing a home with other people ( the work from home person needs to be reasonable too ).
That is why I will ALWAYS step out now at least for a month while I decompress from the summer ( such as on days if his daughter doesn't have a full school day M - F ). It isn't a good fit for me to be around during my money making hours.
I don't think it's unheard of either to only give the kids a couple hours of solo time with just you there per week.
That is still SOME time and the Dad should be doing most of the parenting anyway.
Not everyone is ok watching their partners kids for multi hour durations.
miss.a.p1600
08-12-2022, 10:20 AM
^ Yes dumb ass it is lol !
I think I got confused on this one ?
SO he didn't tell you the actual time for the arrival until just hours before ?
I told him I was okay if they spent the night Saturday after he gets off work at 6. (As a compromise if Bertha can bring them early at 3p while he’s at work and I will supervise them for a couple hours).
I think he really wanted them to come over Friday after school and leave on Sunday. And have 3 days over here but I’m not okay with him assuming I’m okay with them staying here all day Saturday while he’s at work. I don’t want kids staying in my house all day unsupervised (I have important things to do and my time is limited on Saturday) and I don’t want Bertha thinking she can drop these kids off over here anytime while he’s at work.
My motto is “if you’re at work, they don’t need to be here” and my therapist agreed. Because how much time is he spending with them at work = 0. It’s just a ploy for his son to get over her and game 24/7 and have the house to himself if I leave, for Bertha to use this house as her free baby sitter, or to use me as the free nanny. Um No ma’am! And L is too clueless to see it.
He’s most likely pissed they will have only the 24 hours over here (that his daughter once complained about) and not the 3 days over here.
if he takes them OUT today he will have today plus Saturday night plus all day Sunday. So he can stop being a petty pissy bitch and get over it. He has plenty of time to engage in his co-dependent bs this weekend. I don’t want to take care of Berthas kids all day Saturday. Period. He can take off work or do it the efficient way I suggest.
carmen_b
08-12-2022, 10:23 AM
^ I mean .... he has a few hours tonight.
Then 4-9 p.m. or so Sat.
Then ALL day Sunday until 6 .
It seems like enough time to me but with my severe burn out I'd probably like " oh yeah 2 hours in a week duration is enough time " lol !
miss.a.p1600
08-12-2022, 11:01 AM
Ok. He’s doing it the way I suggested. And just as you mentioned.
Spending time with them today - OUT of the house.
Then they start their time here tomorrow about 3 until Sunday
I just wish he’d stop using his kids to be so forceful and I REALLY hope he takes them back at 6 on Sunday and doesn’t linger like he usually does.
He brought up the shooting next door to Bertha again. Not to be mean but it’s not my concern because I didn’t chose to live there. I’m not doing full custody over here. They can go live with their aunts, moms, uncles, whoever if they are that scared. If Bertha cared about those kids she should have just stayed with L till she could have secured better security in her life.
carmen_b
08-12-2022, 11:35 AM
I met the ex on accident super quick for 4-5 seconds ha.
I kind of forgot she was coming and she came for daughters things.
I think J told me 12:30 and she got there early 12:15.
I had a friend coming to pick up a plant clipping.
I waved at her car thinking it was my friend ha.
We just said hello quickly ( no handshake ) and I kept moving towards my car for the gym since I was packed up already.
It’s nice it was friendly.
carmen_b
08-12-2022, 11:38 AM
^ It’s nice he did your suggestion instead of pushing ha !
Be reasonable right ? Sinking your entire Sat would not be ok.
miss.a.p1600
08-12-2022, 12:45 PM
I met the ex on accident super quick for 4-5 seconds ha.
I kind of forgot she was coming and she came for daughters things.
I think J told me 12;30 and she got there early 12:15.
I had a friend coming to pick up a plant clipping.
I waved at her car thinking it was my friend ha.
We just said hello quickly ( no handshake ) and I kept moving towards my car for the gym since I was packed up already.
It’s nice it was friendly.
Good she was being normal and not unnecessarily petty
miss.a.p1600
08-13-2022, 01:51 PM
I decided to throw a little party to gloss over the fact that those kids haven’t spent the night here in 2 weeks.
Bertha being petty af and won’t drop her kids off instead making L drive all around like a chicken with his head cut off right after work.
Oh well. Less time I have them in my space.
Bitch doesn’t want another woman around her kids (since L is at work today) and I don’t want to deal with her kids when he is at work/I don’t want her kids lounging in my house when I’m not here.
Everyone wins except L who gets to ping around and put hella miles on his car cause this silly hoe is lazy af and juicing the fuck out of him but he’s to dumb to figure it out.
carmen_b
08-13-2022, 02:07 PM
^ Win / win I guess if she doesn't want them with you haha ?
It's a nice break anyway.
carmen_b
08-13-2022, 02:08 PM
I really needed this two days for us.
Even though it's only two days I'm feeling much more settled.
Off to see my family soon in an epic mountain location but we have one more romantic night planned first. :)
We have dinner reservations and then I'm sure we will find something to do with our last few hours. :)
miss.a.p1600
08-13-2022, 03:29 PM
^ Win / win I guess if she doesn't want them with you haha ?
It's a nice break anyway.
Somewhat.
I planned the party for 5:30-7:30 hoping he’d be at the house by 6:30 (if Bertha and he would have just followed the script)
I didn’t want our guest with kids driving home after dark Plus I wanted time to wind down after cleaning and prepping and entertaining. I also plan to wake up early tomorrow.
Whatevs.
miss.a.p1600
08-13-2022, 03:56 PM
I really needed this two days for us.
Even though it's only two days I'm feeling much more settled.
Off to see my family soon in an epic mountain location but we have one more romantic night planned first. :)
We have dinner reservations and then I'm sure we find things to do. :)
Yay! Din din!
miss.a.p1600
08-13-2022, 08:49 PM
Ls kids have only been here for 3 hours and I’m already ready for them to leave. They’re up late, opening and closing doors loudly, eating late , and already getting on ,y nerves and this mf isn’t doing anything or saying anything about it despite me telling him I want them in their room and pindrop quiet early at night.
I can’t wait till they’re gone back to their mom.
If L won’t set some damn reasonable rules then I get annoyed when they’re here and more annoyed with him.
carmen_b
08-14-2022, 07:16 AM
^ How late is he letting them stay up ?
I would say in rooms by 9p.m. at least .
Shouldn't it be standard for kids to be in rooms about then ?
Waking up early most days for school now or getting there ( so might as well get on the schedule now ).
carmen_b
08-14-2022, 07:20 AM
It's been bothering me a lot that their extensive night time routine extends after 8p.m since he is in the room with her ( she is almost 10 ) sitting on a chair while she falls asleep. He is usually in there about 8-8:20 or 8:25.
I asked about it on another forum and got mixed results .
It seems like at nearly 10 she should not need anyone in the room .
I feel like he should phase this out by just doing 2-3 min. for a couple weeks and then 1-2 days of 1-2 minutes of being in there.
It's something that bothers me but I probably won't mention it since the school hours are finally getting us back into a good flow.
miss.a.p1600
08-14-2022, 08:03 AM
^ How late is he letting them stay up ?
I would say in rooms by 9p.m. at least .
Shouldn't it be standard for kids to be in rooms about then ?
Waking up early most days for school now or getting there ( so might as well get on the schedule now ).
yes but his dumb ass thinks since it’s the weekend it’s anything goes.
and he falls asleep at 10 while his son stays up god knows how long.
theyll go in their rooms at 9 but keep coming in and out to “get a snack, use the bathroom, etc”
i really want to shut all of it down so I’m going to talk to the therapist about how I can best regulate because I’m not your weak boundary parents and I don’t agree with kids gaming/staying up all cotdamn night even if it is the weekend.
miss.a.p1600
08-14-2022, 08:08 AM
It's been bothering me a lot that their extensive night time routine extends after 8p.m since he is in the room with her ( she is almost 10 ) sitting on a chair while she falls asleep. He is usually in there about 8-8:20 or 8:25.
I asked about it on another forum and got mixed results .
It seems like at nearly 10 she should not need anyone in the room .
I feel like he should phase this out by just doing 2-3 min. for a couple weeks and then 1-2 days of 1-2 minutes of being in there.
It's something that bothers me but I probably won't mention it since the school hours are finally getting us back into a good flow.
Just grab his credit card (with consent of course) and do some online shopping while he’s hovering.
IMO it’s excessive for that age and he’s teaching her to use him as a security blanket, that she can’t go to sleep without him physically there. Some parents are extreme coddlers and hoverers they think kids will “eventually” grow out of it and to enjoy their childhood as long as possible . Add to that layer that men are more coddling of their daughters.
Im the opposite. I think it’s important to teach independence at a young age so the kids are well adapted into adulthood, some kids who are extremely coddled never grow out of it and dependent well into adulthood, and if god forbid something happened and parent isn’t here or able anymore they need to be able to thrive
miss.a.p1600
08-14-2022, 08:34 AM
Im highly annoyed by him and his kids right now. His daughter is talking loudly nonstop and he’s just as loud.
STFU!!!
Im leaving his ass here and he can be a full time dad to his hearts content. I gave them 3 hours yesterday plus free food and gifts so my job is done here.
If he doesn’t take them back on or before 6 pm I will rage
carmen_b
08-14-2022, 09:20 AM
Enjoy your Sunday out . :)
carmen_b
08-14-2022, 09:28 AM
^ Bedtime on weekends should just be 30 min different otherwise too hard to stick to early for school days.
smeca
08-14-2022, 10:28 AM
Took bfs daughter to the beach yesterday while he was working. It went really well! It was so comfortable once we got there with the sea breeze (v hot weather atm). We found a nice spot, had a swim, ate sandwiches, basked a while and swam more. She did talk constantly while sitting on the towels but just about school stuff, not the inane chatter she gives bf sometimes lol. All in all it felt like a turning point fior me... I was just hovering in the background trying to manage my awkwardness before, but now we are both part of the same household.
Bf keeps saying he really appreciates me doing that.. hopefully I will be receiving a nice surprise at some point soon <.<
miss.a.p1600
08-14-2022, 11:50 AM
Enjoy your Sunday out . :)
Came back after 3 hours out but As soon as I come back into the house L and his son are gaming and talking very loud and hollaring.
Im going to turn right back around and leave
I cannot wait until those kids are gone back to their mom.
I really can’t wait until I leave him and those kids so they all can go back to Bertha
miss.a.p1600
08-14-2022, 11:53 AM
Took bfs daughter to the beach yesterday while he was working. It went really well! It was so comfortable once we got there with the sea breeze (v hot weather atm). We found a nice spot, had a swim, ate sandwiches, basked a while and swam more. She did talk constantly while sitting on the towels but just about school stuff, not the inane chatter she gives bf sometimes lol. All in all it felt like a turning point fior me... I was just hovering in the background trying to manage my awkwardness before, but now we are both part of the same household.
Bf keeps saying he really appreciates me doing that.. hopefully I will be receiving a nice surprise at some point soon <.<
That’s awesome it went well.
miss.a.p1600
08-14-2022, 03:09 PM
Came back after 3 hours out but As soon as I come back into the house L and his son are gaming and talking very loud and hollaring.
Im going to turn right back around and leave
I cannot wait until those kids are gone back to their mom.
I really can’t wait until I leave him and those kids so they all can go back to Bertha
Thank goodness they’re gone back to Bertha. It’s gotten to the point I’m irritated before 24 hours is up.
The problem is Bertha / he has no boundaries (as evidenced from sloppy summer schedule), he doesn’t make them use inside voices so they’re loud af all the time, and needy as hell.
If he has them any longer than 24 hours I’m just going to leave out and do what I want to do. I’m glad I left the early part of today but when I got back I was highly triggered by him and his son yelling and screaming while gaming. I’m going to bring that up during our next therapy session. I’m not your mom and I shouldn’t have to constantly tell a grown ass man to stfu and kee his son quiet too. If you want to scream and yell then take your ass OUT of this house.
I wish I could throw that damn tv and game console in the trash
miss.a.p1600
08-14-2022, 03:12 PM
^ Bedtime on weekends should just be 30 min different otherwise too hard to stick to early for school days.
I think I’m going to let him borrow one of my smart tvs and that way I can see when it’s on or off.
Im going to talk to my therapist about this because I’m for real about to start shutting all this all night gaming, sloppiness, yelling , all the way down.
Do that hollaring and all night gaming shit with Bertha
smeca
08-16-2022, 06:50 AM
I spent the morning reading and doing my workout, I mention to them it's 1pm and they haven't showered or dressed or got off the xbox, maybe they should. I showered and started doing some of my house deep clean jobs, then they joined in and turned the living room upside down, fully dusted and vacuumed, knick knacks tidied. So we got probably 1.5 man hours of work done in about 30 mins.
If an adult needs a duvet day that's fine, but a kid should be in the routine of getting up, washed, dressed first thing.
However I could hear him telling her "yes just put the books anywhere there's no system on the bookshelf" ummmm yes there is!! I can see reference books amongst the novels, argh :p
Aurora_Sunset
08-16-2022, 10:27 AM
I told my husband to have a talk with stepson about going back to using pull-ups at night if he's still having accidents. It's not every night, but it is every weekend that they come over. Usually the last night they're there. And of course, he never tells us. I just have to find the pee-soaked sheets and clothes after they leave. Everyone else is adamant that he doesn't have accidents anymore now that he's on medication for it, but obviously, he still does over here... I know he doesn't want to wear the pull-ups anymore, because he apparently doesn't have accidents at his mom's house anymore, but I'm sick of having to wash the sheets and clean his mattress every time they come over. My husband just said he'll "monitor his drinking" a few hours before bed, but that's not gonna do anything. He'll just get up and get his own drinks after we go to bed. I just want him to set the rule that he has to keep wearing the pull-ups until he can go a solid few weeks with zero incidents.
Aurora_Sunset
08-16-2022, 11:50 AM
J described his former partnership once as " the daughter was 99% of our lives and my ex wouldn't even let it be 90% ".
Not really related to my step-parenting, but I remembered us talking about this here - This weekend, I was really disturbed to see how absolutely ATTACHED my cousin is to her 2-year old daughter. I noticed it at the last family get-together a year ago, but told myself maybe it was just because she was fairly newborn. No, my cousin's entire life REVOLVES around being with her daughter every second of every day. Honestly, I think it's excessive. I get wanting to be there for memories and stuff, but all my other cousins with young kids were perfectly happy to leave their kids in the care of all the other adults at various points and enjoy themselves on vacation. My cousin won't even let someone offer to hold and watch her daughter for a few minutes so she can fix herself a plate for dinner - and not in an "Oh, no thanks, I'm fine," type of way but in a way where the energy is VERY clearly, "I do not want to give my child to anyone else."
I don't think anyone had more than a 2-minute conversation with her for 4 days. It was impossible. The only time she went anywhere or joined us for anything was the last day when she was told there was a toddler pool at the restaurant/bar we were going to. I kinda wondered why she even bothered to go through all the trouble and travel of coming. I can't imagine things are any different at home, and I feel like her husband just kinda wandered around in a silent, "slogging through it" daze the entire time they were there. I could sorta tell that he was dying inside...
I think it comes from anxiety, but lord, her mom/my aunt needs to step in and say something to her soon, because this level is not healthy. It's gonna destroy her marriage and cause her to helicopter way too much as her daughter grows up.
smeca
08-16-2022, 12:32 PM
Just need to vent... So had a decent weekend being the sitter but today I am so tired and just cant. The fussy eating. How do you deal? We did a simple stir fry with leftover meat and the last of the veg, yet 4/5 ingredients are things she said she loves or make up other meals she loves. I'm sick of throwing away food, at least it was only cheap rice and veg.
And lately she has developed a dislike of drinking water... maybe we gave her a taste for squash idk (she surprised me when I met her a few years ago, she wasn't interested in sweets or chocolate and only ever asked for water). Idk how people raise their own kids 24/7! I don't think i have the patience to tackle all these things, to get a child who doesnt know and needs good nutrition to just accept nourishment. If they were stubborn the stress would do me in. I feel like I ate a lot of spaghetti hoops and hot dogs as a kid but I look at them now and would not live off those foods if i could afford it. How do people do it??
I'm so done today lol.
miss.a.p1600
08-16-2022, 03:35 PM
I told my husband to have a talk with stepson about going back to using pull-ups at night if he's still having accidents. It's not every night, but it is every weekend that they come over. Usually the last night they're there. And of course, he never tells us. I just have to find the pee-soaked sheets and clothes after they leave. Everyone else is adamant that he doesn't have accidents anymore now that he's on medication for it, but obviously, he still does over here... I know he doesn't want to wear the pull-ups anymore, because he apparently doesn't have accidents at his mom's house anymore, but I'm sick of having to wash the sheets and clean his mattress every time they come over. My husband just said he'll "monitor his drinking" a few hours before bed, but that's not gonna do anything. He'll just get up and get his own drinks after we go to bed. I just want him to set the rule that he has to keep wearing the pull-ups until he can go a solid few weeks with zero incidents.
I wonder what would happen if he washed his own sheets also.
There could be some sort of way to monitor if he gets drinks in the middle of the night and reward him for respecting the rule of no drinks after 7pm for example or give an appropriate consequence if he disobeys.
maybe take him to the doctor for a physical checkup ?
miss.a.p1600
08-16-2022, 03:37 PM
Just need to vent... So had a decent weekend being the sitter but today I am so tired and just cant. The fussy eating. How do you deal? We did a simple stir fry with leftover meat and the last of the veg, yet 4/5 ingredients are things she said she loves or make up other meals she loves. I'm sick of throwing away food, at least it was only cheap rice and veg.
And lately she has developed a dislike of drinking water... maybe we gave her a taste for squash idk (she surprised me when I met her a few years ago, she wasn't interested in sweets or chocolate and only ever asked for water). Idk how people raise their own kids 24/7! I don't think i have the patience to tackle all these things, to get a child who doesnt know and needs good nutrition to just accept nourishment. If they were stubborn the stress would do me in. I feel like I ate a lot of spaghetti hoops and hot dogs as a kid but I look at them now and would not live off those foods if i could afford it. How do people do it??
I'm so done today lol.
Lol! The wise ones hire out Nannie’s, baby sitters, retired family, camps, etc.
Raising kids is a vigorous job
And I don’t deal. I just let those kids eat junk food to their hearts content. Their childhood obesity is their parents problem.
carmen_b
08-16-2022, 09:15 PM
I would make the son do all his own cleaning related to this. It would add some incentive to be on top of it himself.
I told my husband to have a talk with stepson about going back to using pull-ups at night if he's still having accidents. It's not every night, but it is every weekend that they come over. Usually the last night they're there. And of course, he never tells us. I just have to find the pee-soaked sheets and clothes after they leave. Everyone else is adamant that he doesn't have accidents anymore now that he's on medication for it, but obviously, he still does over here... I know he doesn't want to wear the pull-ups anymore, because he apparently doesn't have accidents at his mom's house anymore, but I'm sick of having to wash the sheets and clean his mattress every time they come over. My husband just said he'll "monitor his drinking" a few hours before bed, but that's not gonna do anything. He'll just get up and get his own drinks after we go to bed. I just want him to set the rule that he has to keep wearing the pull-ups until he can go a solid few weeks with zero incidents.
carmen_b
08-16-2022, 09:16 PM
Yuck.
Can't wait to see what this looks like at 5,7,9-10 ect. !
:(
Not really related to my step-parenting, but I remembered us talking about this here - This weekend, I was really disturbed to see how absolutely ATTACHED my cousin is to her 2-year old daughter. I noticed it at the last family get-together a year ago, but told myself maybe it was just because she was fairly newborn. No, my cousin's entire life REVOLVES around being with her daughter every second of every day. Honestly, I think it's excessive. I get wanting to be there for memories and stuff, but all my other cousins with young kids were perfectly happy to leave their kids in the care of all the other adults at various points and enjoy themselves on vacation. My cousin won't even let someone offer to hold and watch her daughter for a few minutes so she can fix herself a plate for dinner - and not in an "Oh, no thanks, I'm fine," type of way but in a way where the energy is VERY clearly, "I do not want to give my child to anyone else."
I don't think anyone had more than a 2-minute conversation with her for 4 days. It was impossible. The only time she went anywhere or joined us for anything was the last day when she was told there was a toddler pool at the restaurant/bar we were going to. I kinda wondered why she even bothered to go through all the trouble and travel of coming. I can't imagine things are any different at home, and I feel like her husband just kinda wandered around in a silent, "slogging through it" daze the entire time they were there. I could sorta tell that he was dying inside...
I think it comes from anxiety, but lord, her mom/my aunt needs to step in and say something to her soon, because this level is not healthy. It's gonna destroy her marriage and cause her to helicopter way too much as her daughter grows up.
carmen_b
08-16-2022, 09:18 PM
I don't fuss with food at all. I make ONE thing. Obviously I won't do high spice ect.
Point to cereal if the food doesn't " work " but don't allow negative comments. If someone makes it , the others shut up about it.
Just need to vent... So had a decent weekend being the sitter but today I am so tired and just cant. The fussy eating. How do you deal? We did a simple stir fry with leftover meat and the last of the veg, yet 4/5 ingredients are things she said she loves or make up other meals she loves. I'm sick of throwing away food, at least it was only cheap rice and veg.
And lately she has developed a dislike of drinking water... maybe we gave her a taste for squash idk (she surprised me when I met her a few years ago, she wasn't interested in sweets or chocolate and only ever asked for water). Idk how people raise their own kids 24/7! I don't think i have the patience to tackle all these things, to get a child who doesnt know and needs good nutrition to just accept nourishment. If they were stubborn the stress would do me in. I feel like I ate a lot of spaghetti hoops and hot dogs as a kid but I look at them now and would not live off those foods if i could afford it. How do people do it??
I'm so done today lol.
carmen_b
08-16-2022, 09:20 PM
I wonder what their life looks like. I imagine no weekly date night even for 3-5 hours ? This is so sad.
Sorry to say but this is how men start " looking " at their secretary / female friends ect. !
I'll probably come back and make that sound nicer . :/
You can not just ignore your partner while allowing your child to get behind on everything by encouraging clinging. Yikes. That would be hard to watch.
Not really related to my step-parenting, but I remembered us talking about this here - This weekend, I was really disturbed to see how absolutely ATTACHED my cousin is to her 2-year old daughter. I noticed it at the last family get-together a year ago, but told myself maybe it was just because she was fairly newborn. No, my cousin's entire life REVOLVES around being with her daughter every second of every day. Honestly, I think it's excessive. I get wanting to be there for memories and stuff, but all my other cousins with young kids were perfectly happy to leave their kids in the care of all the other adults at various points and enjoy themselves on vacation. My cousin won't even let someone offer to hold and watch her daughter for a few minutes so she can fix herself a plate for dinner - and not in an "Oh, no thanks, I'm fine," type of way but in a way where the energy is VERY clearly, "I do not want to give my child to anyone else."
I don't think anyone had more than a 2-minute conversation with her for 4 days. It was impossible. The only time she went anywhere or joined us for anything was the last day when she was told there was a toddler pool at the restaurant/bar we were going to. I kinda wondered why she even bothered to go through all the trouble and travel of coming. I can't imagine things are any different at home, and I feel like her husband just kinda wandered around in a silent, "slogging through it" daze the entire time they were there. I could sorta tell that he was dying inside...
I think it comes from anxiety, but lord, her mom/my aunt needs to step in and say something to her soon, because this level is not healthy. It's gonna destroy her marriage and cause her to helicopter way too much as her daughter grows up.
smeca
08-16-2022, 11:33 PM
I don't fuss with food at all. I make ONE thing. Obviously I won't do high spice ect.
Point to cereal if the food doesn't " work " but don't allow negative comments. If someone makes it , the others shut up about it.
She doesn't like our cereal :rotfl: That's basically what we are doing. I think she is just comfortable complaining to her dad, because she eats whatever I make for lunch when she's here with just me, no complaints.
miss.a.p1600
08-17-2022, 07:22 AM
I don't fuss with food at all. I make ONE thing. Obviously I won't do high spice ect.
Point to cereal if the food doesn't " work " but don't allow negative comments. If someone makes it , the others shut up about it.
Same. I’ll make a meal (NOT their usual junk they’re used to eating) and they can take it or leave it. If they chose not to eat what I make L will hover and make them a separate meal. If he weren’t such a control freak, coddler, and hoverer- I’d let them rely on PBJ or turkey sandwich or something to that affect.
I usually try to have a meal on my own or before they get there if he’s just going to cook anyways and let them eat their standard rotation of spaghetti tacos and pizza rolls.
I can’t eat that crap over and over but they never get tired of it.
Aurora_Sunset
08-17-2022, 08:01 AM
I confess that of the two kids, I'm not really a fan of my stepson. Whenever we think of involving the kids with plans or taking them around other people, like my family, I would happily do these things with stepdaughter, but it's always stepson that gives me pause. She's not the world's most perfect kid, but at least her occasional tantrums are pretty typical "kid tantrums" that are usually quickly dissolved. When stepson doesn't get his way or gets upset by some random thing, he's a total asshole. He hollers, shuts down, refuses to move, and is just an all-around shithead that doesn't listen to a word you say. Stepdaughter will actually go out and engage in activities - stepson just wants to sit on his ass in front of the TV all day every day. She's 3 years younger than him, but he acts like he's younger than her. I would expect his crap from say, a 5 year old, not a 10 year old. It's embarrassing and frustrating.
What sucks the most is that my husband clearly favors his son over his daughter. Honest mistakes that his daughter makes will lead to him yelling at and scolding her, but he lets his son get away with murder. Son will be a total, whiny asshole, demanding his way all day, and then daughter will step out of line for 2 seconds saying she doesn't want to eat her dinner or something, and my husband will go off on her, and be like "Why can't you just be like your brother? He doesn't get into trouble. He doesn't complain. He just chills all day." I look at him like he's crazy, and I'm like "Uhhh.... he literally made getting in the shower a 30-minute argument and ordeal earlier, wtf are you talking about?"
I see him being a way more difficult and disruptive kid than stepdaughter usually is, but my husband thinks he's the fucking golden child who can do no wrong. I just see him growing up into yet another man who can't do shit for himself, expects everyone to mommy him, and throws oversized fits when he doesn't get his way - and if I hate men like that, it's hard to set aside that feeling when I look at him and SEE his future and not just kinda instantly hate him and the person he's becoming.
miss.a.p1600
08-17-2022, 08:27 AM
^”why can’t you be more like ….. “ is definitely not the best thing to say to a child
I’d rather give that child praise when I notice them doing something well than to compare them to another child when they’re having a meltdown/misbehave/etc.
I feel you on the negative traits of the stepson.
I cringe when I see L enable unhelpful behaviors (ex laziness, physical inactivity, lackluster school performance, extremely liberal boundaries, allowing him to make too many choices, excessive coddling, etc) in his son especially since his son is older and should be a leader
I feel like men allow boys to barely get by academically, be messy slobs, be complétele unrefined, and rough on the edges while the daughters have to have academic excellence, be very neat organized and “nice”
miss.a.p1600
08-17-2022, 08:33 AM
I kind of don’t like dealing with L’s daughter that much either. She’s now really stand-off ish - which I could care less if she likes me and I prefer she doesn’t like me so she will want to stay with her mom like she should.
Ever since he kept trying to force me to take his daughter every time I left the house during HIS parenting time then getting offended when I say no and acting out like a bitch towards me.
Asshole this is YOUR parenting time not mine. I am not obligated and unless I volunteer then I am at liberty to say NO when asked.
L encroaching on my boundaries early on in our engagement REALLY but a sour taste in my mouth about even using any resources on them.