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Aurora_Sunset
08-20-2022, 04:35 PM
Can't say I'm a fan of the kids this weekend....

Stepson was up practically all night last night. I don't know what time my husband "put them down" because I went to bed early, but he was, at the very least, up at 1am (clogging the toilet and pissing on the bathroom floor without cleaning it up), up at 3am busting into our room just to get a fucking floss pick out of our bathroom (at least he seemed genuinely fearful of me when I popped my head up to ask what he was doing lol), husband tried to put him back to bed at 4am, but he was still up at 6am when I got up for work.

Apparently, they drove 40 minutes this morning for stepdaughter to do her cheerleading thing at a football game but it was delayed due to rain. They didn't even stick around to find out if they actually played because the kids whined about wanting to go home, including her, saying "She didn't want to get wet." I told him he should have made her stay and do it if they ended up going out. What precedent are you setting that you got everyone up, ready, and out the door extra early today, and drove 40 minutes one way for HER activity that SHE said she wanted to sign up for, just to let her back out and go home? Sorry, that's what she signed up for. If she doesn't like it, then she'll choose not to do it next year. Why are we wasting money on extracurricular activities that she's gonna back out of just because she doesn't want to "wait" or get a little wet?

The one thing that drives me up the wall with my husband's parenting is how much he lets them run the schedule. No. You're the adult. You tell them when they're going somewhere and when they get to go home. You're the transportation, and the world doesn't revolve around them and their every in-the-moment desire.

carmen_b
08-20-2022, 04:39 PM
^ He shouldn’t come into your room.

Aurora_Sunset
08-20-2022, 04:54 PM
^ He shouldn’t come into your room.

Certainly not at frikin' night. If I'm sitting in here with the door open, then fine. It's an invitation if anyone wants/needs me. But they should frikin' know by now to knock, and to DEFINITELY not be bothering in the middle of the night unless it's an emergency.

Aurora_Sunset
08-20-2022, 04:57 PM
Brooo... stepson just walked in here and asked if I think he's mature?

Uhhh... what am I supposed to say to that? The honest answer is, fuck no, I think he's incredibly immature for his age. He acts more like a 6 year old, hell sometimes even a 4 year old, than a 10 year old. I asked him why he asked, and if anyone said something to him? He said no, but maybe some kid at school said something...

I do know that for all my bitching, I've never said anything like that out loud while he's here.

miss.a.p1600
08-20-2022, 05:10 PM
Can't say I'm a fan of the kids this weekend....

Stepson was up practically all night last night. I don't know what time my husband "put them down" because I went to bed early, but he was, at the very least, up at 1am (clogging the toilet and pissing on the bathroom floor without cleaning it up), up at 3am busting into our room just to get a fucking floss pick out of our bathroom (at least he seemed genuinely fearful of me when I popped my head up to ask what he was doing lol), husband tried to put him back to bed at 4am, but he was still up at 6am when I got up for work.

Apparently, they drove 40 minutes this morning for stepdaughter to do her cheerleading thing at a football game but it was delayed due to rain. They didn't even stick around to find out if they actually played because the kids whined about wanting to go home, including her, saying "She didn't want to get wet." I told him he should have made her stay and do it if they ended up going out. What precedent are you setting that you got everyone up, ready, and out the door extra early today, and drove 40 minutes one way for HER activity that SHE said she wanted to sign up for, just to let her back out and go home? Sorry, that's what she signed up for. If she doesn't like it, then she'll choose not to do it next year. Why are we wasting money on extracurricular activities that she's gonna back out of just because she doesn't want to "wait" or get a little wet?

The one thing that drives me up the wall with my husband's parenting is how much he lets them run the schedule. No. You're the adult. You tell them when they're going somewhere and when they get to go home. You're the transportation, and the world doesn't revolve around them and their every in-the-moment desire.

This is EXACTLY how I feel.

L will tell kids his off days then ask them “I’m off fri sat and Sun which days you want to come over” - no regards to what I’ve got going, no consulting with me.

No. You tell them “these are the days I’m pickup you up and taking you back to your moms” “you get what you get and your don’t have a fit”

The first time he did it (assumed I wanted to watch his kids while Bertha went on vacatíon and while he was at work all because “that’s what his kids wanted”) I went off on him. And told him those kids don’t run this household. The bill paying adults do.

I’ve even seen him agree to make multiple trips back and forth when one of them wants to leave early or stay later. Like gas ain’t sky high right now.

Bruh do you let the kids run the house while they have you running around it?

miss.a.p1600
08-20-2022, 05:18 PM
Certainly not at frikin' night. If I'm sitting in here with the door open, the fine. It's an invitation if anyone wants/needs me. But they should frikin' know by now to knock, and to DEFINITELY not be bothering in the middle of the night unless it's an emergency.


I would wait till the spouse is fully in bed then pretend like I’m going to change clothes/get naked or whatnot to have a reason (not that you even need a reason to lock your own door if ya wanted) to lock the door.

Ls daughter instantly broke her obsession with bursting in adults bedroom in the evening. Every blue moon she forgets and gets ushered right back out or I leave.

I also turn the lights really dim or all the way out. Most kids scared of the dark and won’t come in

Aurora_Sunset
08-21-2022, 12:21 PM
I'm ready for them to go tf home this weekend. They're both up my butt, into everything, and demanding, entitled, and whiny this weekend. I've snapped and raised my voice multiple times, at them and my husband, today. I usually keep a patient facade on the outside most of the time, but I've had it this weekend. I have a lot of crap I needed to get done today with it being my one day off, and they would not let me concentrate. I'm over them not listening and acting like they run this household and everyone in it. Also sick of cleaning up everything all the time because my husband won't.

This is precisely why I usually work on Sundays for at least a half day and take a weekday off instead. It makes my "day off" not feel like a day off before I head back into 5-6 days of work. And when they get like this, a few hours Friday night, Saturday night, and Sunday morning is typically all I can handle.

Aurora_Sunset
08-21-2022, 12:47 PM
Oh and stepson had another accident Friday night. I wasn't told until this morning. Did my husband wash the sheets? No. What did he sleep on last night? Dirty, pee-smelling sheets.... Real fucking nice.

I told him that's fucking disgusting. If he pissed the bed, would he just crawl into bed the next night and sleep in those sheets? I'm tired of him acting like sitting on the couch with his son all day is some massive feat of parenting that takes all his energy out of doing ANYTHING else around here.

carmen_b
08-21-2022, 12:48 PM
I find that once you've " had it " it's best to just step out. Even being outside walking alone or going for a drive is better.
You can also go to the library or coffee shop for a tea.

Movies are the BEST because they kill 2.5 hours including the drive. 3.5 if you add a tea to it haha !


I'm ready for them to go tf home this weekend. They're both up my butt, into everything, and demanding, entitled, and whiny this weekend. I've snapped and raised my voice multiple times, at them and my husband, today. I usually keep a patient facade on the outside most of the time, but I've had it this weekend. I have a lot of crap I needed to get done today with it being my one day off, and they would not let me concentrate. I'm over them not listening and acting like they run this household and everyone in it. Also sick of cleaning up everything all the time because my husband won't.

This is precisely why I usually work on Sundays for at least a half day and take a weekday off instead. It makes my "day off" not feel like a day off before I head back into 5-6 days of work. And when they get like this, a few hours Friday night, Saturday night, and Sunday morning is typically all I can handle.

carmen_b
08-21-2022, 12:51 PM
Aurora :

I always try not to just *immediately* jump to posters sides when I read through but I feel you are right on the cheer thing !
Cheer is a team. You are letting team members down if you can not commit to the " gigs " ! Plus is sets a low standard. So ... team member can just leave for a rain sprinkle ? Can they leave because they changed their mind now and want to go for ice cream instead lol ?

I might use that question about " maturity " to your advantage. You can offer suggestions for " being more mature " or ask what his motivations are for asking. Such as ..... are kids making fun ? Kids will definitely " correct " others by being ruthless .

carmen_b
08-21-2022, 12:54 PM
I had lunch with just my parent on way out of town and disclosed that we had the problems over the summer.
I had talked to my mom on the phone about being upset about no summer activities but she didn't have much to say at that time ( about 6 weeks ago ). At the time she was just kind of like " well you guys will have to work that out ".

I definitely wanted to see what they thought in terms of going forward. They didn't immediately jump to my side of the debate but my mom kind of went " yeah not signing her up for anything was wrong " .

My dad had a really good suggestion.
He also DIDN'T KNOW it was 50/50 custody. He thought we had two days per week ! I wish !
His suggestion was if we have a conversation about going forward and time expectations to NOT phrase it as " I want to see her two days a week " . He thought it sounded offensive and possibly too formal. Now I can see it too. He thought something more like " I'd like the option to take a day to myself on each visit " was better. It doesn't *fully* disclose what I'd like to do ( on the longer visits only be in town 2 days during the 4 day visit). I guess that can be tackled on the next long visit ( which doesn't occur for over 2 weeks I think ).

I feel we really need to hit this WITH a therapist because neither person is really wrong.
It isn't really wrong for a business owner to say " don't ever bother me 9-5 M to F " and it's not really wrong for a parent to hope for 1-2 hours of help during each visit per day.

Part of why I was such a stickler was that covid depleted my liquid savings. It's finally built back up over summer so I probably don't *have to* be so hardcore now but during the last few months I sort of did. I just didn't have enough in savings to feel comfy and I'm still off of where I'd like to be. I was still feeling that desperation to build the liquid savings back up in summer.

Aurora_Sunset
08-21-2022, 01:02 PM
I fend that once you've " had it " it's best to just step out. Even being outside walking alone or going for a drive and a movie is better.
You can also go to the library or coffee shop for a tea.

Movies are the BEST because they kill 2.5 hours including the drive. 3.5 if you add a tea to it haha !

I have plans with a friend tonight but not until after 4:30... I tried to get a different friend on the phone cuz she said she wanted to chat today, but then said she wasn't ready.

I might just go for a walk until my thing later. I tried to suggest taking them home soon, which would be their new "normal" time of 4pm (their actual time is supposed to be 2pm, but he never does that anymore), but now he's apparently decided to extend it to more like 6pm... I get his reasoning behind wanting to give them more time here, but at the same time, I don't agree with the "sloppy scheduling" of just "whenever-the-fuck" on Sundays. They have school in the mornings now, so they should be getting home earlier on Sundays to transition back to their mom's and prepare for the schoolweek, imo.

carmen_b
08-21-2022, 01:14 PM
^ Well you know what I'll say about the time. Haha. It never changes here. It's always 10:30 a.m. to " exchange " .
We will change it only if one of the adult is traveling and doesn't arrive until Noon or something.

I'd probably just let it slide today and maybe get ready early for your friend and just sit out somewhere and read by yourself.
Enjoy your town instead for 1-2 hours since you know you won't enjoy your house haha.

miss.a.p1600
08-21-2022, 02:45 PM
Oh and stepson had another accident Friday night. I wasn't told until this morning. Did my husband wash the sheets? No. What did he sleep on last night? Dirty, pee-smelling sheets.... Real fucking nice.

I told him that's fucking disgusting. If he pissed the bed, would he just crawl into bed the next night and sleep in those sheets? I'm tired of him acting like sitting on the couch with his son all day is some massive feat of parenting that takes all his energy out of doing ANYTHING else around here.

I wonder if his sons bed wetting is psychological?

He might have been too scared or tired or whatever to do anything but just go back to sleep in those same sheets.

I hope there is a solution for him.

miss.a.p1600
08-21-2022, 02:50 PM
Carmen I think that’s good input from your dad on try to get your point across effectively

These divorced dads get highly offended quick regarding their “perfect angels”

My new work position is full time and off weekends during training period. The LAST thing I want to do is end a long week on a high note then be obligated to other people and their obligations. So I’m figuring a way to break free at least 1 day and night if he has them a full three day weekend or longer

I really want my own place.

carmen_b
08-21-2022, 02:56 PM
^ Just say it's a 6 days a week for a few weeks.

OR ( since you don't care what he does at this point haha ) tell him you are doing IMPORTANT TRAINING for this job next Saturday and you can not have ANY ambient noise.
They MUST all be out during 10-5 ( or something ).

carmen_b
08-21-2022, 02:59 PM
My Dad pointed out too that I shouldn't be describing myself as " child free by choice " anymore if I'm in this relationship.

I used the phrase to help describe things in the conversation ( give my reasoning for wanting closer to two days instead of 3-4 ).

We didn't have ANY of these problems though over the summer when I moved in last year ( because activities were booked ) AND we had zero of these issues during school year so maybe it will just resolve in a natural way. Having the school hours is just SO helpful. We can chat during the day and see each other during the day a bit ( we are working but it's not uncommon to spare 30-60 minutes ).

I just want things to feel authentic. It’s hard to act excited to see her and act loving if I'm actually feeling frustrated.

miss.a.p1600
08-21-2022, 06:45 PM
^exactly!

I feel like some divorced men with kids make it hard to step-parent because they are very stubborn about clinging on to inefficient patterns of parenting that might have worked when they were married to the kids mother but don’t work so well with the new household

I found myself getting so frustrated with L’s forcefulness on me caretaking for him any moment he thought I should, that I started getting annoyed with everyone including those kids.

miss.a.p1600
08-21-2022, 06:48 PM
^ Just say it's a 6 days a week for a few weeks.

OR ( since you don't care what he does at this point haha ) tell him you are doing IMPORTANT TRAINING for this job next Saturday and you can not have ANY ambient noise.
They MUST all be out during 10-5 ( or something ).

Sadly I’m going to HAVE to lie.

And say the extra day is required for work.

Mfs can’t handle to truth! No one wants to raise their “perfect angels” for them uncompensated

miss.a.p1600
08-21-2022, 06:55 PM
I have plans with a friend tonight but not until after 4:30... I tried to get a different friend on the phone cuz she said she wanted to chat today, but then said she wasn't ready.

I might just go for a walk until my thing later. I tried to suggest taking them home soon, which would be their new "normal" time of 4pm (their actual time is supposed to be 2pm, but he never does that anymore), but now he's apparently decided to extend it to more like 6pm... I get his reasoning behind wanting to give them more time here, but at the same time, I don't agree with the "sloppy scheduling" of just "whenever-the-fuck" on Sundays. They have school in the mornings now, so they should be getting home earlier on Sundays to transition back to their mom's and prepare for the schoolweek, imo.

L pulls this same crap.

When he gave me no parenting schedule I had to ask. Like “when tf you taking them back to their mom”

Hes like “oh anytime between 4-6p” and fucking letting them decide ….

Um No Ma’am!!!

I personally feel like drop offs on Sunday should be no later than 4pm especially now it’s going to get dark sooner.

Like stop lingering and GO take them to Berthas now!

Plenty of time to see those kids NEXT week.

Shit. Wait around too long and I’ll fall asleep on your ass. Yes! At 5:25 pm.

carmen_b
08-21-2022, 08:19 PM
Well travel day from hell.
I’m delayed and get there 11:50

His sister is there ... so I don’t need to Uber late ... J can get me.
But um... will the sister plan to be somewhere else a few hours tomorrow during school .... or ?????

I didn’t hear about the sister there until I sent a text that I’d plan to Uber since I knew daughter was there ( around 4 pm I sent that ).

miss.a.p1600
08-22-2022, 05:31 AM
^Ugh houseguests!

Hope she makes herself useful and stays out of the way.

I remember L saying when he was married to Bertha, he’d get home after a long day and notice his MIL sitting on the couch. I’d be livid. I hate having people over unless *I* planned for it. Plus they totally need to make their stay short as possible or I have no qualms asking them to pitch in for groceries/electricities etc. Lol!

miss.a.p1600
08-22-2022, 05:58 AM
I'm ready for them to go tf home this weekend. They're both up my butt, into everything, and demanding, entitled, and whiny this weekend. I've snapped and raised my voice multiple times, at them and my husband, today. I usually keep a patient facade on the outside most of the time, but I've had it this weekend. I have a lot of crap I needed to get done today with it being my one day off, and they would not let me concentrate. I'm over them not listening and acting like they run this household and everyone in it. Also sick of cleaning up everything all the time because my husband won't.

This is precisely why I usually work on Sundays for at least a half day and take a weekday off instead. It makes my "day off" not feel like a day off before I head back into 5-6 days of work. And when they get like this, a few hours Friday night, Saturday night, and Sunday morning is typically all I can handle.

I have the same concern with my full time position starting.

I am expecting, yes EXPECTING those kids to clean up to my specifications if they are allowed into my space. Just like this mf is expecting those kids to land in this house multiple days a week.

And when the weekend hits. Again, I am EXPECTING to spend my off days as I please. Unless it’s a planned event for family or whatnot. Do not bother me assholes!!!!

miss.a.p1600
08-22-2022, 06:02 AM
Ladies, I wanted to vomit yesterday

Ls son (and Bertha behind the scenes) is SERIOUSLY working L to try to get him to live at our house.

I DO NOT want him there full time because I literally will NEVER get a break from those kids. Plus his son is loud, messy, uncultured, and annoying. I can only tolerate his behavior 2 days a week max!

L was sitting here last night reminiscing of his son and scrolling through baby pictures of him and showing me. I felt zero emotions while he’s sitting here damn near crying and contemplating full custody of his son.

carmen_b
08-22-2022, 07:37 AM
^ Does it really matter though at this point ? Aren't you kind of heading out soon anyway ?

Let it go L lol !

carmen_b
08-22-2022, 07:39 AM
Got back home at nearly 1 a.m.

Well the sister isn't staying over today ( thankfully ). It was only last night as she was driving south after the other sister gender reveal party ( I would have gone if I wasn't WAY up North much further than the party ). I had forgotten about that so it wasn't a "surprise " visit . I had known she would be driving south ( around this time ) and forgot.

She is taking the daughter over to school at 9a.m. ( J gave permission to be late by 75 minutes so they could visit more ).
^ I don't really *agree* with it per say but that a good mini battle to leave!
He says she is leaving at 11a.m.
All good by me !

I am feeling POSITIVE OVERALL .
In a way ..... I thought I was going to come back to a J who was determined to separate.
I mean .... that is what he voiced on Aug. 3 ( for the span of 2-3 hours anyway before we both couldn't do it ). Then he traveled 5 days, we only had 5 days together ( his child was here three ), and then I traveled for 8 days. That 5 days together felt very insecure to me, then up in the woods I had convinced myself that since he didn't send " I miss you " messages he was determined to part ways. He sent MANY other nice messages.

Now things feel positive. He had his hand on my leg the whole drive back from airport, we fell asleep holding each other TIGHT , and he has a quick trip to a town over in mind for Friday ( part is to do a car errand .... not only for me ..... but I'll take it ). :)

miss.a.p1600
08-22-2022, 08:32 AM
^yeah I wouldn’t let my kids miss school or be late for anything unless they’re bleeding out but eh! Good idea to Just let that battle go.

That’s good you’re in a more positive space relationship wise.

carmen_b
08-22-2022, 09:10 AM
I typically work at my standing desk in our master bedroom ( I have a corner there I don't have a full office at the house ).

The sister is across the hall in daughters room doing things in the room and talking LOUDLY on a phone call. I moved downstairs but now I'm thinking maybe about just going to brunch and leaving for an hour. Does my partner really not see this ? How super fucking RUDE it is to create so much noise when I'm trying to work ? I had a full day with ear plugs and headphones on yesterday. I would like to not use them IN the house.

carmen_b
08-22-2022, 09:52 AM
Left. Went to brunch. :)

carmen_b
08-22-2022, 11:44 AM
I look out side at 12:25 and there is still the sisters car there.
What happened to 11:30 ?
The other sister arrived too somewhere along the way ?
Maybe THAT was why is was so loud. I thought it was a video call.

12:30 hit and I I send via text :
" Cue up ( these two sexy songs I picked out ) at 1p.m. !
I have something in mind for you downstairs ". :)

carmen_b
08-22-2022, 11:54 AM
I saw a car leaving about 12:40 .....

:)

carmen_b
08-22-2022, 01:30 PM
^ I'd say the day is very successful so far.

Empty house which we made great use of 1-2:15 .
They have things to do out of the house ( prrrrrrr ) from 3-6 omg !
I was invited but I want trip recovery time! I will see them more tomorrow. :)

I know I was like " BOO the sister is crowding us " in these posts but I should point out that we ALREADY have some plans to see both sisters Friday.

Aurora_Sunset
08-23-2022, 06:26 AM
I did my piece, complaining about the kids being bad this weekend, after I got home from my friend's Sunday night and I'm otherwise trying to let it go and not bring it up anymore this week.

Stepson forgot to pack his Nintendo Switch when they were going back to their mom's, and my husband was contemplating driving it back to him the very next day after he got off work. I told him absolutely not. He is not going to get up at 4am, work 10 hours, and then drive probably close to an hour in rush hour traffic just to bring this kid's Switch back. His son can live without his Switch for 2 weeks. It's not a necessity. This is what set off my rant. I know his dad was telling him for an hour ahead of time that they were going to leave soon, and to get up and get his stuff together. And every time, stepson refuses to move off the couch, hunkers down, pouts, whines about not wanting to go home, and has to almost literally get dragged off the couch when they're already running late and have socks and shoes shoved into his hands, because he'll refuse to do anything otherwise. At that point, he either realizes he doesn't know where something "super important" is and have a screaming meltdown about how he doesn't want to leave without this thing that he should have been searching for an hour ago - or he gets an attitude and insists that he has everything, he doesn't need to double-check, and "let's just go already" - and then look, he left something important behind.

I said yeah, I know he's not gonna be happy being without his Switch for 2 weeks, but that's what he gets for acting like a punk every time he's told to get up, get moving, and be responsible for his own things. Maybe next time, he'll give enough of a crap to actually do as he's told and make sure he has everything.

My husband acted like I was so "harsh" for saying he should go without his video game console for a measly 2 weeks, when it was left here by his own fault. I told him to stop babying him, and went into a rant about how he needs to stop treating him like he's 4. He's 10, and my husband needs to stop letting him get away with acting like a baby, throwing tantrums, never listening, and then running around like a chicken with his head cut off to fix his mistakes made by his own irresponsibility. He's old enough to be responsible for his own things, especially if they're as important to him as his Switch. He needs to learn. We are a not a courier service, at his beck and call, because he decides he wants to sit on his ass and pout instead of doing as he's told and getting his shit together.

Aurora_Sunset
08-23-2022, 06:28 AM
Admittedly, I know I was PMS-ing hard on Sunday.

And I added a caveat at the end of my rant that maybe the kids are just in a particularly rough mood because it was the first week of school, and they're adjusting to summer ending.

Hopefully.

Aurora_Sunset
08-23-2022, 06:35 AM
Disclaimer before I even say this, because I would NEVER do it, nor encourage my husband or any other parent to do it -

But sometimes I think back to how I would've been smacked if I did even half the shit to my parents that these kids get away with repeatedly. I know it's not the right thing to do, but sometimes I think if they just got one good smack upside the head after screaming like an ass, saying something shitty, or refusing to move after being told to do something, they would immediately shape up and not do it anymore.

In the absence of corporeal punishment, I told my husband he needs to actually follow through on his threats of punishment. You can't tell your son 50 times that you'll take away his TV privileges for the rest of the day if he doesn't get up and shower, and then never do it for the entire 30 minutes he refuses to listen. No kidding he doesn't listen. Both those kids know he's full of shit. I told my husband that if he's not prepared to follow through on a punishment after one warning, then don't go to a place of threatening a punishment yet. If you don't want to skip straight to punishment, then you have to keep trying to talk to them without threatening. Only threaten punishment if you are prepared to follow through immediately. His problem is that he jumps straight to "you better do this or *punishment*" but he's not ready to actually enact whatever huge punishment he just threatened, so he just keeps repeating it, keeps not doing it, and keep being ignored because his kids know he's full of shit.

carmen_b
08-23-2022, 06:40 AM
^ The son is old enough to pack his own things.
You guys could print out a check list to help him .
I would definitely make HIM pack the bag at that age v.s. ever doing it for him.

To answer his own questions ..... his is not " mature " if he can't even pack his own things up lol.

^ You definitely can't threaten punishments and then not do it.
My 5 year old nephew gets time outs and things taken away and my sister will do EVERYTHING she gives a warning on .

Aurora_Sunset
08-23-2022, 06:55 AM
Oh, and carmen, I brought up to him your point about how cheerleading is a team activity, and he can't let her just decide to back out of team activities when she "doesn't feel like it."

He tried to say, "Well, it wasn't my decision to leave." I asked "Whose was it then?" He said, "Their mom's." ...... I said, "Their mom wasn't the one responsible for them this weekend. If she wanted to go home because she didn't want to wait out a little rain, that's on her. You didn't have to leave and take the kids with you just because she left. YOU were their transportation and guardian this weekend. This isn't about her."

I know his only logic was that he didn't want to be there for it either, so he was thinking, "Well, if SHE isn't going to stay, why should I?" Because it's not about you and her. And it's not about the kids whining about not wanting to be there either. She made a commitment to the team, and it's your job as her parent to make her see it through. If her mom wants to be a spoiled brat and go home, let her. Set a better example.

carmen_b
08-23-2022, 07:14 AM
^ The moms ?
Is she watching from a spy cam lol ?!?

I think he panicked on that one haha.

carmen_b
08-23-2022, 07:15 AM
^ Oh I see ... she was there .

carmen_b
08-23-2022, 07:18 AM
So... I played T Ball as a kid and wussed on some things.
One time I was in the field and would watch balls go by ( to prove a point I didn’t want to be there ).
Then I threw prior to the last game ( I planned to not go ).
My Dad made me call the coach myself to let him know I wasn’t playing the last game ( instead of him being a go to ) and then the Coach said no problem come get pizza and trophy next week.
Guess whose Dad wouldn’t let them attend the party , get the trophy , and get the pizza ?
^ Now as an adult I 100% see what he did there !!!

Aurora_Sunset
08-23-2022, 07:48 AM
^ Oh I see ... she was there .

Yeah, she drove out for it, and when it was delayed by the rain, she said, "Well, I'm not waiting in my car. I'm leaving." And that's when the kids started to whine about it too. Just because their mom is a bad influence, doesn't mean he has to be too.

My parents let me back out of a rugby game in high school, but that's because I full-on wanted to quit. I only signed up because the practices were supposed to be on the night I didn't have another extracurricular activity, but they kept changing it at the last minute. By the time our first game came around, I had only been to 2 or 3 practices and had no clue what I was doing, so I was stressed as hell that I barely knew how to play this very fast-paced, violent sport lol I told my mom I was just done if things weren't going to get better with the schedule. But I otherwise was signed up for a lot of things, and I didn't get to just not go because I didn't feel like it. I remember friends complaining that I should just "not go" to a practice or lesson or something after school so we could hang out earlier, and I was like, "My parents would never let me do that for no good reason." I couldn't believe that their parents would, to the point that they thought this was common advice.

carmen_b
08-23-2022, 08:17 AM
^ He should have waited a bit . Maybe next time ( if you are there ) you can encourage your kid to NOT be the wuss in the group !
Be the one willing to wait 10-15 min. and see if the sprinkle passes !

carmen_b
08-23-2022, 06:06 PM
Just having a challenging moment.
8 days of travel for me and then three days of his kid here.
Yes ..... this is the 2nd experience for us where we are " reunited " with three days in a row of his child being here.
The same thing happened a couple weeks ago when HE traveled but that one is easier to see how it happened.

Day #2 is almost over.
I don't think it was really worth ASKING for an adjustment but I'm still a *little* " meh " over the fact that he can ALSO SEE a calendar and he didn't take her 5 days LAST week when I was gone with whole time ? Then we could have had 5 days adults only THIS week.

Anyway .... this aside as promised I was more involved today. I got some take out to automate something for him.
I went to a local place that does taco tues. for $6 ( plates ). I strategized this because one of my pet peeves is that he hasn't taught her to scrape a plate . I told everyone to eat out of the boxes and then throw them away haha !
She is nearly 10. Have her put the uneaten food in the garbage . What the hell ? I'd prefer she rinse her plate too ( when we use real ones ) and put in the dishwasher . I worry he will argue it somehow so I haven't mentioned it. I think she needs a step stool to reach the faucets and one may appear very soon. :/

miss.a.p1600
08-24-2022, 04:13 AM
I did my piece, complaining about the kids being bad this weekend, after I got home from my friend's Sunday night and I'm otherwise trying to let it go and not bring it up anymore this week.

Stepson forgot to pack his Nintendo Switch when they were going back to their mom's, and my husband was contemplating driving it back to him the very next day after he got off work. I told him absolutely not. He is not going to get up at 4am, work 10 hours, and then drive probably close to an hour in rush hour traffic just to bring this kid's Switch back. His son can live without his Switch for 2 weeks. It's not a necessity. This is what set off my rant. I know his dad was telling him for an hour ahead of time that they were going to leave soon, and to get up and get his stuff together. And every time, stepson refuses to move off the couch, hunkers down, pouts, whines about not wanting to go home, and has to almost literally get dragged off the couch when they're already running late and have socks and shoes shoved into his hands, because he'll refuse to do anything otherwise. At that point, he either realizes he doesn't know where something "super important" is and have a screaming meltdown about how he doesn't want to leave without this thing that he should have been searching for an hour ago - or he gets an attitude and insists that he has everything, he doesn't need to double-check, and "let's just go already" - and then look, he left something important behind.

I said yeah, I know he's not gonna be happy being without his Switch for 2 weeks, but that's what he gets for acting like a punk every time he's told to get up, get moving, and be responsible for his own things. Maybe next time, he'll give enough of a crap to actually do as he's told and make sure he has everything.

My husband acted like I was so "harsh" for saying he should go without his video game console for a measly 2 weeks, when it was left here by his own fault. I told him to stop babying him, and went into a rant about how he needs to stop treating him like he's 4. He's 10, and my husband needs to stop letting him get away with acting like a baby, throwing tantrums, never listening, and then running around like a chicken with his head cut off to fix his mistakes made by his own irresponsibility. He's old enough to be responsible for his own things, especially if they're as important to him as his Switch. He needs to learn. We are a not a courier service, at his beck and call, because he decides he wants to sit on his ass and pout instead of doing as he's told and getting his shit together.

Lol [email protected] him “hunkering down”

im envisioning a kid clinging to furniture like heÂ’s in a level 5 hurricane

i wouldnÂ’t drive back for that either. If I did I would charge the kid money for gas or shipping (make him pay and wit a couple days).

Divorced dad guilt makes them come to the rescue every time when they should use this as teachable moments that help them vs enable them

miss.a.p1600
08-24-2022, 04:18 AM
Disclaimer before I even say this, because I would NEVER do it, nor encourage my husband or any other parent to do it -

But sometimes I think back to how I would've been smacked if I did even half the shit to my parents that these kids get away with repeatedly. I know it's not the right thing to do, but sometimes I think if they just got one good smack upside the head after screaming like an ass, saying something shitty, or refusing to move after being told to do something, they would immediately shape up and not do it anymore.

In the absence of corporeal punishment, I told my husband he needs to actually follow through on his threats of punishment. You can't tell your son 50 times that you'll take away his TV privileges for the rest of the day if he doesn't get up and shower, and then never do it for the entire 30 minutes he refuses to listen. No kidding he doesn't listen. Both those kids know he's full of shit. I told my husband that if he's not prepared to follow through on a punishment after one warning, then don't go to a place of threatening a punishment yet. If you don't want to skip straight to punishment, then you have to keep trying to talk to them without threatening. Only threaten punishment if you are prepared to follow through immediately. His problem is that he jumps straight to "you better do this or *punishment*" but he's not ready to actually enact whatever huge punishment he just threatened, so he just keeps repeating it, keeps not doing it, and keep being ignored because his kids know he's full of shit.

My dad said one time my brother was on punishment (for getting blackout drunk as a minor in high school) and was supposed to spend the day helping to cut grass.

my dad was like “go mow that lawn now”

my brother was like “eh I’ll get to it in a minute and sat there”

my dad collared him and drug him out side to the yard.

dad was like “you gone learn today” “when I tell you to do something you do it NOW”

that the problem with todays generation. They think everything is abuse and they are so coddled it’s painful to see

miss.a.p1600
08-24-2022, 04:20 AM
^ The son is old enough to pack his own things.
You guys could print out a check list to help him .
I would definitely make HIM pack the bag at that age v.s. ever doing it for him.

To answer his own questions ..... his is not " mature " if he can't even pack his own things up lol.

^ You definitely can't threaten punishments and then not do it.
My 5 year old nephew gets time outs and things taken away and my sister will do EVERYTHING she gives a warning on .

Checklists are great idea!

miss.a.p1600
08-24-2022, 07:14 AM
I’m am SO sick of L

Everytime I’m on a good note trying to get ahead, this bitch is CONSTANTLY asking about custody of his son or kids.

So your son is going to fail in life without you hovering?

You can’t fucking figure out how to take your shared weekend custody and sit tf down?

God! I want to leave this asshole faster than he can say “I want custody of those kids”

carmen_b
08-24-2022, 09:36 AM
^ He can barely handle the time he has.
Take the two days (+ sometimes a bonus Fri ) and leave it alone !

carmen_b
08-24-2022, 09:46 AM
It's nice to be listened to. I had concerns that his daughter doesn't " self occupy " for 25-30 min. and he had agreed a couple weeks ago about about it !
Then yesterday we had this little window to fill at the house ( about an hour ) and he told her " the next 30 min. you can do whatever you want " with NO action towards " helping " her figure out what to do. :)

Good Boy J . :)

smeca
08-24-2022, 10:10 AM
Day at big theme park done. I dont want to know how much it cost to basically stand around in queues all day. It was step daughters birthday present and thankfully she enjoyed what shea did get to ride. Thankfully he hated the whole day too lol and will never do it again. Not worth the cost and the time!!