Log in

View Full Version : The Step Parent Corner …… rant, brag, shine, or cry here



Pages : 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 [24] 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33

smeca
10-05-2022, 11:17 AM
Yes i love talking about my list!

miss.a.p1600
10-05-2022, 11:38 AM
Aurora, I would totally be that person who buys generic cereal then tell those kids it’s name brand. Lol.

Tastes the same and they’re not going to know.

I also would NEVER take those kids with me shopping. They convince you to spend on them thus blowing your intended budget plus the constant “are you done yet, I’m tired/hungry/cold/bored” really annoys tf out of me and I don’t have that level of patience dealing with L is more than enough.

carmen_b
10-05-2022, 03:24 PM
The alimony payment is really bothering me today.

Aurora_Sunset
10-05-2022, 04:09 PM
^^I'm so glad we live in a state that doesn't do alimony.

Child support is fine with me as I can see it as a trade-off for the time we aren't paying for the kids to be living/eating here. It's for them.

But I wouldn't be able to stomach financing any part of just bio-mom's lifestyle. Especially when she's perfectly capable of working and has very wealthy parents who gave her a paid-off house. Ugh

miss.a.p1600
10-05-2022, 06:43 PM
The alimony payment is really bothering me today.

Burns me up too. Cause I need to see double or triple that amount.

I see that amount as “Bertha, sit down, stfu, and take care of your damn kids! Money” but I also need to be compensated as well to make dealing with a divorced dad with kids worth my while enough to stay.

carmen_b
10-05-2022, 06:43 PM
Yes it’s making me sick.
After a very challenging month where I *might* squeeze out $2500 for sept she got around that just handed by J.
No client calls , no hustling and following up .
I forgot but I think it’s 2k-$2500 range.

And he wonders might be just a *little* aggravating to see her pic even as a social media thumbnail ...

(Tries to focus on something else)

carmen_b
10-05-2022, 06:49 PM
If things are getting friendly enough to connect on social media start working and let that amount stay in our household !

chanzep
10-05-2022, 07:27 PM
I wouldn't worry about alimony it's not something you can control. Just be glad your not married to these men so it's not coming out of your money.
I know a woman married to a guy who got done for back child support they took her whole tax refund. Marriage is a scam.

carmen_b
10-05-2022, 07:33 PM
^ My real estate asssets are so tightly sealed in trusts and an LLC there is really no way my stuff is at risk.
I mean maybe but the legal firewalls are there.
She isn’t the brightest crayon in the box if you get my drift just got lucky enough to call a good divorce lawyer I guess.
I have seen that though yikes.
Coming after spouse for stuff.

carmen_b
10-05-2022, 07:34 PM
It didn’t bother me for over 2 years.
Out of sight out of mind.

carmen_b
10-05-2022, 07:36 PM
I could see myself standing in front of a judge “ your honor she’s an idiot who doesn’t work ... I’m not sure what else to say here “

miss.a.p1600
10-06-2022, 04:04 AM
I wouldn't worry about alimony it's not something you can control. Just be glad your not married to these men so it's not coming out of your money.
I know a woman married to a guy who got done for back child support they took her whole tax refund. Marriage is a scam.

I think this happens to men who have obligations but refuse to pay them am purposely underperform.

Your key word = “BACK child support” which tells me he wasn’t paying it regularly and was too lazy to get it modified (or courts determined it shouldn’t be modified down because he was capable of paying what he owed but didn’t want to). If a man truly can’t afford it he HAS to get the order modified down instead of letting it build up not paying it then everyone gets fucked in the end.

As much as I talk shit about how annoying those kids are, I’d be so disgusted by a man who didn’t provide for his kids on a regular.

But your warning is good. Before marrying these dudes with legal obligations it’s always best to consult an attorney. Girl id be that bitch making L sign a prenup stating at no point am I financially responsible for his child support obligations.

Id put literally ALL my money into retirement investments and file taxes separately, not take any deductions, and probably wouldn’t marry a dude with little kids until I could see he had a handle on his situation.

it’s not a good idea to marry dudes with patterns of debt/baby daddy drama

miss.a.p1600
10-06-2022, 04:15 AM
I could see myself standing in front of a judge “ your honor she’s an idiot who doesn’t work ... I’m not sure what else to say here “

The alimony awarded because that’s the setup J allowed during their marriage.

if you marry a dude then divorce you’re supposed to take as much as you can get for all you put in dealing with their asses for years on end. When you come out of a divorce with child support, alimony, homes, etc that’s how you know you married up and it will help you fare way better if/when you move on to the next. That ex is an idiot if she still depends on him financially after the alimony ends.

That’s why I thought he was wrong to complain about the expense of the dates and making you pay for trips. Shit not your fault he agreed to pay all that for the ex. Now he gotta fund your upkeep too.

*just my opinion though. I can see why it would be triggering. I’d be really annoyed.

miss.a.p1600
10-06-2022, 04:50 AM
L being annoying and using his kid to do so again.

Tells me today that he’s bringing his daughter over here because she gets out early and doesn’t have a key.

Well cotdamn it that’s not my fault her mother didn’t give her a fucking key. This damn house is not a free for all for you or your kids! Bring that loud ass kid and your obnoxious self to this house during my workday and see how long it takes for your clueless ass to have sex again

miss.a.p1600
10-06-2022, 04:57 AM
^ My real estate asssets are so tightly sealed in trusts and an LLC there is really no way my stuff is at risk.
I mean maybe but the legal firewalls are there.
She isn’t the brightest crayon in the box if you get my drift just got lucky enough to call a good divorce lawyer I guess.
I have seen that though yikes.
Coming after spouse for stuff.

It can happen especially if the woman makes more and they file taxes jointly.

That’s why I refuse to be a sugar momma to a divorced dad with kids. If I wanted to pay for a village of needy kids I’d go to a third world county, pay, then leave.

carmen_b
10-06-2022, 08:10 AM
Between the two of us we are about 4-5k a month lol !
Actually even with the travel stuff ..... I doubt I come in even more than $1500 a month.

The last trip I just paid for my *flight* and gas money to get over the dog sitter ( $225 ) and I don't mind kicking in a bit I guess. Maybe I was just being fussy. I do have an income so kicking a few hundred bucks to our travel is not going to really impact things overall.
I think he just made a mistake and won't openly admit it ( overspending the 6K between the Colorado 4 day run and his daughters birthday in September ). I think it was irresponsible personally but it is something I stepped back on.
I should just try to focus on something else.
I am feeling a little better today.
I know at *some* point the alimony ends ( 2 years out I believe ) .

I would say it didn't really bother me UNTIL he was complaining that the stuff we did was too much .
I was willing to work with it but it was kind of like ..... wait ..... how much are you cutting ME back while still giving the same to HER ? So I think those thoughts have kicked up over the last 3-4 weeks where before it was like " well there is enough to go around so don't sweat it ". I think what also me uncomfy was he didn't mention a specific monthly budget or anything for our stuff. It felt kind of balanced before since living here saves me over 1k a month I'd say ( my loft in the city was about that and my personal mortgage is about that ). Living alone in either of those spaces would have that cost going out. Then spoiling me on dates and such might be just a few hundred a month unless it's a travel month then it clicks up a bit.



Now he gotta fund your upkeep too.

carmen_b
10-06-2022, 08:17 AM
I'm actually wondering if my therapist was a good fit.
I wanted to talk to someone about the anxiety I get every time his daughter shows up and I feel like we kind of gloss over that element .
Maybe I just need to point out next time it's something I want to work on.

carmen_b
10-06-2022, 08:21 AM
I did tell him something that this woman in this other group ( probably someone here said it too ) about the FB thing.
He offended ME by taking it down instead of just unfriending her.
Then he just sticks to it like " well you shouldn't tell me what to do with my page " which also has some truth to it.

I just CAN'T STAND seeing her photo ( even a little thumbnail ) .

I still can not believe he would mention potentially bringing up the page and not unfriending her RIGHT AS I'm about to meet a photographer I had planned a shoot with 4-5 weeks AHEAD . That lady in the casino really put a damper on our week with her “ add me on FB “ drunken bullshit.

miss.a.p1600
10-06-2022, 10:59 AM
I'm actually wondering if my therapist was a good fit.
I wanted to talk to someone about the anxiety I get every time his daughter shows up and I feel like we kind of gloss over that element .
Maybe I just need to point out next time it's something I want to work on.

Girl I be getting panic attacks, depression, PTSD when I realize I gotta deal with him AND his kids invading my peaceful quiet CLEAN space. Everytime.



Thankfully he acted normal recently, took them OUT, took them back home before dark, and only kept them here 1-2 days like I prefer.

now fall break coming up so I may have to get forceful if he tries to have them in my space while I’m working. They can stay at Berthas during the week or enroll them in activities at a community center or something.

carmen_b
10-06-2022, 11:08 AM
^ OMG now you reminded me to spy on fall break calendar lol !

Just spied . It's only two days and I think her Mom has her for both.
I'm kind of riding the line of not spending enough time so I 100% will plan something fun for this Sunday for sure.
I did TRY to create a fun vibe that last evening we all had together but he hadn't told me about the play date thing.

I am just LOVING our seamless fall schedule ...... it's delightful honestly.
Mon - Wed. ( school 8-3 ) and then two Sundays a month.
I feel for J a little because he sees her less but it is so easy.
Sundays would be our main family type time ( longer durations ) which works well for me. I think that is the day you can kind of ignore your work phone anyway and people generally accept waiting until Monday.

carmen_b
10-06-2022, 02:22 PM
Just over here casting my halloween spells that the alimony check magically splits in half ( with half to me ) lol.

carmen_b
10-06-2022, 02:27 PM
Typing all these details out makes me realize it MIGHT be time to set an actual " couples fun " type budget for the month .
Or more realistically one for non-travel months and one for if we have a trip ( or are saving towards a larger trip ).
We said we were not traveling in Oct.
I think having a measure to be able to say " hey we DID GOOD by reducing expenses the way I wanted ".
Or alternatively " hey we have extra for fun and it's xyz " . Just thinking out loud, ha.

carmen_b
10-06-2022, 09:32 PM
Ugh this damn issue.

Tonight I tried to table it and just offer some sexy times ....... yeah ...... NOPE .
My body just would not respond to him in any way......

carmen_b
10-07-2022, 06:47 AM
^ I wish I could just " get over it " but I am just really struggling.

miss.a.p1600
10-07-2022, 07:27 PM
It’s late in the evening and L’s kids (especially his daughter) keep calling him FaceTime video.

Ok so your kids are clingy and codependent to you like you

But please stop subjecting me to your mind numbing calls, stop answering after 8:30pm (unless it’s emergency), take the shit off speakerphone and go in another room fuckface!!!

So inappropriate.

I don’t want to have to constantly see and hear them when I’m trying to relax for the night and enjoy my peace before they get here

carmen_b
10-07-2022, 07:35 PM
^ Calls and vids on off days bother me too .
If J had two days per week I’d stomach 1-2 of these check ins ha.
Also would prefer other room.

I do see why J gets fed up with me at times. Once I told him to reduce his pic showing down to just ONE picture during her 3-4 day time with her Mom lol.

miss.a.p1600
10-08-2022, 05:18 AM
^im sure I’ve said some crazy (or normal but sounded crazy to him) stuff out of frustration

I told him I do not want his son living here (unless he’s being neglected or abused - even then I’d rather L spilt custody with grandma or whoever).

I told him I didn’t want to drive his kids around (because he never gave me gas money and I didn’t want those kids destroyed my luxury car and fine Italian leather). I did feel a twinge of guilt and purchased seat covers.

Told him I don’t want those kids here when he is not off work. Damn that one was a struggle for him but I’m not babysitting those kids nor are they getting free range in my house when no one is here. If they’re staying home alone they can do that at Berthas house.

Girl dealing with these divorced dads with kids and baby moms/ex wives and child support/alimony is A LOT of work and sacrifice. Their asses be making shit difficult sometimes.

chanzep
10-08-2022, 02:29 PM
Non of that is unreasonable . Your not a mother and entitled to peace it's not your job to uber them around in your nice seats.or babysit.

carmen_b
10-08-2022, 02:35 PM
We are leaning towards separating.
I can't seem to get him to see a way forward.
I'm not sure there is one when he won't rein in expectations OR show up for counseling.

carmen_b
10-08-2022, 02:37 PM
He was going on and on today about how sexually starved he was.

Well ..... after two attempts at sex that failed maybe offer SOME sort of emotional support. I told him I was struggling emotionally this week and he just stared at me.
I'm not pushing my body through sexual interactions I don't want.

He seems to want the separation so I'm removing myself from the house fairly soon at least a few days as a starting point. I've asked him if he can visualize going forward by taking counseling seriously. I suggested doing the mix of three date night type evenings , two nights a week set aside as our family time, and roughly two evenings for me solo ( my time for myself for self care ). I think he might be locked into the separating position ( at least for now ). I thought my ideas were good but I’ll just step back .

I kind of hope he comes around but one person can not carry a relationship forward.

carmen_b
10-08-2022, 04:44 PM
I think he thought it was a trick or aggressive that I wanted assurance if he relaunched FB she wouldn’t be a part of it.

It was an important boundary to me 4-5 days ago.
I just wanted to either speak to a counselor before intimacy OR have his assurance.
I wasn’t offered either.

miss.a.p1600
10-08-2022, 05:55 PM
^I will I was feeling exactly how you were feeling or something similar about 2 -3 weeks ago.

When the dudes think they’re “starved for sex” they start acting pissy and petty yet it doesn’t register to them that if they acted less pissy and petty they’d get more sex. Sometimes they gotta be the one to take initiative to help things get on the right path.

carmen_b
10-08-2022, 06:09 PM
^ Plus it wasn’t a trick. I just couldn’t believe the lack of support on things I was getting .
I think he maybe locked on to an idea of like “ if it’s not extra fun this week I’m leaving “.
I was looking to do work with a therapist , clear issues , and create forward movement but I needed help desperately . I wasn’t opposed to sex ALONG with this other work ( that he did say I was going to get ).

I’m a date rape survivor. I had sex once because I was exhausted and tired of talking to this guy. I didn’t understand as much about coercion , grey area assault , whole hearted consent, ect. as I do now. I still get triggered 15 years later.

So I’m trying to stick that sense of wanting FULL consent ( from myself ) so an issue like this never occurs again in my life.

miss.a.p1600
10-08-2022, 08:31 PM
^I can relate.

It’s traumatic when you’re not in the mood/dont want to engage in sexual activity yet feel coerced on some level whether physically or emotionally

I felt the pressure when L kept complaining he hadn’t had intercourse, then started acting pissy n petty, and I had to tell him (plus the male therapist) that he had to change his behavior and mindset if he wanted intimacy. I could not bring myself to be intimate with him during this phase. It would have been easy to pacify him to get him off my back but I didn’t want to reward that behavior.

He even was like “oh I’m trying to be faithful, but do you want me to get it elsewhere?” I was like “cool. As long as I have options too!” Then he backed down, started acting better, etc

carmen_b
10-08-2022, 08:54 PM
^ For me I felt disrespected.
I felt like it was NOT a big ask for him to simply reassure me that if he put his page up she wouldn't be joining us ha.
We did not agree on it obviously.

miss.a.p1600
10-09-2022, 06:21 AM
^why is he so insistent on keeping up with the ex wife on social media?!?!!? And at the expense of peace in y’all relationship??? When he can get all the pics he needs via text

I can’t wait till L’s kids leave and he goes back to work.

Thankfully he took them OUT yesterday.

He really pisses me off though asking what I think are real questions about his parenting time with his kids only to discover these are “hypothetical” questions and perhaps he is testing me.

Okay asshole. Don’t ask rhetorical questions you don’t want to know the truth.

This mf ALWAYS goes to pickup those kids right after work. Literally clocks out then rushes over to Berthas house to get them. I told him to give himself a breather after work and get them in the morning but he refuses and likes doing it his way. Okay good for you.

So yesterday he calls me and says “I’m so tired and I wonder if I should relax a bit then go get them or immediately go get them?” In my mind he’s saying he needs a quick break before heading into parenting time so I simply agreed with him. Then he’s like “nah I’m going to just go get them right after work”

I normally don’t answer his calls the day he gets his kids cause I don’t want to have to deal with some fake child care crisis.

Girl I rushed him off the phone. Pissed me off wasting my free minutes asking stupid ass questions that he’s going to do what he wants to do anyways. Why tf are you playing on my phone bitch?!?

This the same shit he did 4 weeks ago when we got into an argument over the test question of “I’m thinking about custody of my son”

Im going to bring that up to therapist when I talk to her.

miss.a.p1600
10-09-2022, 07:22 AM
Now he’s asking to leave his daughter here so him and his son can go workout at the gym

Um NO!!!!

Go run around the block with them both. Or take her back to Bertha while y’all head to the gym.

Unless you paying more bills the answer is a hard no

Keep on being annoying and clueless - didn’t I say I’m not going to be left with your kid(s) especially not without advance planning and consent on my end - during YOUR parenting time and see how long it takes to get sex.

What part of stop bombarding me with your childcare requests (let me volunteer when I have the resources to do so) is not sinking in??

miss.a.p1600
10-09-2022, 07:56 AM
Bertha better sign those kids up for Fall break camp cause I will rage if she thinks they’re coming over here.

Bertha trying to hustle L’s sister in law to keep her kids.

Bitch ask YOUR fucking large ass family to help you or HOUND L like I do to get his money up and pay for a fucking camp. Stop expecting free childcare. That’s why no one wants to help y’all asses.

carmen_b
10-09-2022, 09:00 AM
^ I printed off some articles for J ( he probably won't read them ) but maybe they could help someone else.

https://thiscustomlife.com/stepmom-needs-from-husband/

carmen_b
10-09-2022, 09:01 AM
No one knows. He bit down on it until I ran out of energy for the subject.

I think he said yesterday that " you can't tell me who to get rid of " ...... um ..... ok.
I think YOU are the one who signed divorce docs to literally get rid of the relationship but please create a media shrine .


^why is he so insistent on keeping up with the ex wife on social media?!?!!? And at the expense of peace in y’all relationship??? When he can get all the pics he needs via text

miss.a.p1600
10-09-2022, 10:18 AM
^Im sorry but when you’re in a committed relationship you have to do some cutting off and cutting back.

You can’t do the same shit when you were single.

Just like you had to cut off your freedom and deal with him and his kid. You’ve made sacrifices for him as well.

Yes be cordial to the ex wife but not so cordial the broad doesn’t know how to stay in her lane. Like take your child support and alimony, sit down, take care of your kid, stay behind the scenes, and stfu!

*just my opinion though.

carmen_b
10-09-2022, 10:27 AM
^ Yup
The link is inappropriate but if he enjoys pretending it isn’t I can’t do much.

Today is a day to get out , head 35 minutes away , and begin creating my plan B.
I don’t see lingering around waiting for him to change his mind working out.
I’ll need to start giving serious thought about plan B.

carmen_b
10-09-2022, 10:29 AM
I don’t really have a problem with her. She mostly shows up on time, she seems to be a good mom , she gets his daughter out of my house 50% of the time!
I literally couldn’t have done this without her ( I wouldn’t have lasted even a month if he had 90% custody for example ).

That said.... do I want to see her pic or see any comments ?
No....

miss.a.p1600
10-09-2022, 10:31 AM
No one knows. He bit down on it until I ran out of energy for the subject.

I think he said yesterday that " you can't tell me who to get rid of " ...... um ..... ok.
I think YOU are the one who signed divorce docs to literally get rid of the relationship but please create a media shrine .

And the quote of “getting rid” of some one? Okay that’s going to the extreme.

I think he said something similar when you requested his daughter attend summer camps vs lingering around the house needing adult supervision while y’all trying to work from home.

Your reasonable requests have turned into him thinking in extremes -> you’re trying to “get rid of” his daughter and ex wife.

Knowing good and damn well if your ex was tagging you on social media and if you had kids lingering unnecessarily in his space then expecting him to take care of them during his work hours he’d have the same reaction.

miss.a.p1600
10-09-2022, 10:34 AM
^ I printed off some articles for J ( he probably won't read them ) but maybe they could help someone else.

https://thiscustomlife.com/stepmom-needs-from-husband/

that’s a good article

miss.a.p1600
10-09-2022, 10:42 AM
I don’t really have a problem with her. She mostly shows up on time, she seems to be a good mom , she gets his daughter out of my house 50% of the time!
I literally couldn’t have done this without her ( I wouldn’t have lasted even a month if he had 90% custody for example ).

That said.... do I want to see her pic or see any comments ?
No....

makes sense.

im glad Bertha has been taking care of her kids. It’s amazing what a little child support/hush money will do. And L got the picture real quickly that I would rather him pay child support, let her do her job as a parent, and accept his weekends vs try and be cheap and waste his time running all over the city trying to be a full time dad yet neglecting his role here as a provider.

I almost broke up with L on the spot (we argued for weeks) when his dumb ass suggested custody of his son.


^ Yup
The link is inappropriate but if he enjoys pretending it isn’t I can’t do much.

Today is a day to get out , head 35 minutes away , and begin creating my plan B.
I don’t see lingering around waiting for him to change his mind working out.
I’ll need to start giving serious thought about plan B.

Plan b is good. To be prepared for whatever, Just in case.

miss.a.p1600
10-09-2022, 10:50 AM
Cotdamn it! L and his daughter talking loud af!!!! His son closing doors loudly

I am glad he is occupied with her but…..

I can’t wait till they go back and I have my peace back. I wish L would stay out when he drops them off.

Im fresh out of edibles.

carmen_b
10-09-2022, 01:43 PM
I’ve left . I’ve got enough with me for 3-4 days away or a week with laundry ha.

It just seemed important to step away .

miss.a.p1600
10-09-2022, 04:30 PM
^thats probably the best thing to do

buttonpop
10-09-2022, 10:05 PM
carmen, i know this whole thing must be really hard and heartbreaking but look at the bright side... you may not have to deal with the kid and shared custody and all the stuff that was pulling down your quality of life anymore. hah. a tiny upside to an otherwise shitty situation