View Full Version : The Step Parent Corner …… rant, brag, shine, or cry here
carmen_b
10-09-2022, 10:19 PM
^ Totally !!
I was having an extremely hard time with the lifestyle and I think I kept sticking it out because J was successful , I had wanted to be engaged , I just saw OUR future so clearly .
But there are so many good options too ( like returning to home area ) and not being limited anymore travel wise !!
4-6 week trip planning ...., prrrrr
I hope he misses me but I’m prepped for either way.
miss.a.p1600
10-09-2022, 10:20 PM
^i was thinking the same like “now you can travel, not have to deal with the power struggles seeing his ‘helicopter’ parenting, regain your peace”
I imagine it still is tough though to have to go through all this.
carmen_b
10-09-2022, 10:26 PM
^ But what can I do really but make the best of it ?
I mean ... if he was really not seeing things working ?
He would have to really apologize and commit to the counseling ect.
I am still kind of shocked he wasn’t supportive at all this week but maybe he viewed me feeling down / depressed as part of it being “ right “ to separate ?
Aurora_Sunset
10-10-2022, 05:43 AM
Sorry I'm kinda "late to the party," but I wanted to offer my thoughts, carmen, for what they're worth lol
Years ago, with my last ex, he got really upset about a certain guy on my Facebook and demanded that I delete him. I fought him hard on it, into a multi-day argument. BUT, my thing was, I knew how jealous and insecure he was, and that his "one request" wouldn't stop at this guy (guy wasn't an ex-bf either). I knew that if I capitulated to this "one time," he would think he could throw a fit anytime he didn't like one of my male friends and I would slowly lose contact with everyone. And I was basically right, because he tried it with multiple other, completely platonic, male friends over our time together.
But I think your request is reasonable. You haven't ever asked him to cut off other people in any way, as far as I know. Not wanting to have certain connections to his ex-wife is a normal emotion, I think. I get they have a kid together, but they communicate via phone and live near each other with shared custody. It's not like they live on opposite sides of the country and he wants access to her social media to pick up on stuff he might otherwise miss in his daughter's life if he thinks she won't text about everything. Also, he straight-up DELETED Facebook for months. At which point, he obviously wasn't looking at her social media. So, clearly, he can live without it. What's the difference for him then? Why does he insist on keeping her on there if he reactivates, even though he's proven that he's perfectly fine not being able to connect with her via Facebook for months at a time?
Part of me wonders if this is some weird line for him because of a woman (possibly his ex?) being really controlling about social media or the people in his life in past relationships, and he's not separating it now? Or he's just been feeling disconnected about the other stuff, so he's using this as his "stupid" argument so he doesn't have to argue about what's really bothering him. The other thing I thought of is that he just can't stand to NOT see what she's up to - and that's just sketchy on his part. Maybe that feeling has to do with not wanting to miss something going on in his kid's life, but at this point, it seems more about keeping tabs on her. Me and my husband briefly accepted bio-mom's Facebook friend request, but when she started some fresh bullshit, I fully blocked her and asked my husband to do the same. If he hadn't.... I don't know how I would have reacted honestly. She is not a person who I think needs access to what's going on in our lives beyond what we tell her on the phone or in person. So, I don't know how I would've felt if he dug in his heels and refused to delete her when I felt the request was reasonable....
Anyway, just my two cents. Normally, I am anti-telling people who they can have on social media or whatever, but there are exceptions to everything. Overall, you've made it clear that this ONE person is a really strong boundary for you, and he would rather let you walk away than just not see her on Facebook or deal with telling her that he removed her (if she ever noticed and questioned it). If he's more worried about her feelings or keeping tabs on her than he is about your feelings, then there's your answer, I guess... That sucks.
There might be more behind his reasoning "under the surface," but if he won't take counseling seriously, then he's clearly checked out and not willing to dig into it further. You can't make him. And the fact that he would whine about sex after you've been trying to get him to work things through with counseling, and telling him that you're emotionally disconnected, is gross. Full stop.
Aurora_Sunset
10-10-2022, 05:58 AM
I had to stop myself last night from saying something kinda pissy.
My husband is officially going on his shitty rotating schedule. So, now, weekends to do anything together are a thing of the past. Every single weekend is either kids or work. The last week, I've asked him twice about being able to take time off for the holidays or something else coming up, and his response is always that he needs to "save his vacation days for summer" when the kids are out.
When he didn't work weekends, it wasn't as bad that he wouldn't use his vacation days to take extra weekdays for me/us and our plans. But it really irks me when he literally has no time free from either work or kids, and refuses to use any vacation days for anything other than the kids. So, WE can never go on a vacation or go visit family over the holidays because every single vacation day must go to his kids, and he doesn't even have normal kid-free days off now?
Then, whenever I say, "fine, I guess I'll do XYZ without you then," he gets pouty. Well, what do you want me to do? Sit around here my whole life, never visiting my family or doing anything fun because YOU can't go EVER? The thing is, he'll say he's "saving his vacation days," and then the second he gets a whiff of a man cold or decides he's tired, he'll burn through his "extra vacation days" anyway. And then say he can't take anymore, because he has to REALLY save those for the kids.... I wouldn't be so pissy about the ones he saves for them, if he didn't go and take an entire week off every time his throat gets scratchy.... It just feels like he doesn't prioritize us spending time together, is really what it is.
I kept my complaint mostly to him using those vacation days excessively when he's sick (not saying he should NEVER use a day when he's genuinely not feeling well, but we all know how "man colds" go lol). I bit my tongue right before I included a comment about all the vacation days being held sacrosanct for the kids and never for us. Meanwhile, bio-mom has all weekends off so has a kid-free weekend every other week. And I KNOW she uses them to travel and go out all the time. She even constantly makes plans to go out of town on HER weekends with the kids and asks us or her parents to watch them. But we can never leave town? It would've come out shitty though... like I was saying "fuck those kids and their vacations." That's not what I mean, but he needs to find a way to split his time at least somewhat evenly now, because otherwise this new schedule is going to kill our marriage.
miss.a.p1600
10-10-2022, 06:24 AM
I had to stop myself last night from saying something kinda pissy.
My husband is officially going on his shitty rotating schedule. So, now, weekends to do anything together are a thing of the past. Every single weekend is either kids or work. The last week, I've asked him twice about being able to take time off for the holidays or something else coming up, and his response is always that he needs to "save his vacation days for summer" when the kids are out.
When he didn't work weekends, it wasn't as bad that he wouldn't use his vacation days to take extra weekdays for me/us and our plans. But it really irks me when he literally has no time free from either work or kids, and refuses to use any vacation days for anything other than the kids. So, WE can never go on a vacation or go visit family over the holidays because every single vacation day must go to his kids, and he doesn't even have normal kid-free days off now?
Then, whenever I say, "fine, I guess I'll do XYZ without you then," he gets pouty. Well, what do you want me to do? Sit around here my whole life, never visiting my family or doing anything fun because YOU can't go EVER? The thing is, he'll say he's "saving his vacation days," and then the second he gets a whiff of a man cold or decides he's tired, he'll burn through his "extra vacation days" anyway. And then say he can't take anymore, because he has to REALLY save those for the kids.... I wouldn't be so pissy about the ones he saves for them, if he didn't go and take an entire week off every time his throat gets scratchy.... It just feels like he doesn't prioritize us spending time together, is really what it is.
I kept my complaint mostly to him using those vacation days excessively when he's sick (not saying he should NEVER use a day when he's genuinely not feeling well, but we all know how "man colds" go lol). I bit my tongue right before I included a comment about all the vacation days being held sacrosanct for the kids and never for us. Meanwhile, bio-mom has all weekends off so has a kid-free weekend every other week. And I KNOW she uses them to travel and go out all the time. She even constantly makes plans to go out of town on HER weekends with the kids and asks us or her parents to watch them. But we can never leave town? It would've come out shitty though... like I was saying "fuck those kids and their vacations." That's not what I mean, but he needs to find a way to split his time at least somewhat evenly now, because otherwise this new schedule is going to kill our marriage.
Im going to finish reading the rest but ever since I planned to work 2 jobs I feel this exact statement in bold.
This past weekend I was supposed to work Saturday but I took the entire day to self care and decompress before he ran and got his kids and my space was invaded for the rest of my time off.
it was like the choice hit me. Work all weekend then deal with his kids on my off day and have no time to myself.
I started feeling more angry he is slow as shit to get higher paying jobs and telling people he’s going to do things and never doing them. Just delusional.
Aurora_Sunset
10-10-2022, 06:44 AM
^^ The thing is, I get needing to work weekends. I work weekends almost every single week, but I'm on a flexible schedule now and have taken a lot off to do things with him AND the kids.
Even when I was required to work weekends, I would absolutely use my vacation time, paid time off, and even unpaid time off to spend with HIM if we planned something fun. But he won't use any of his for me?
carmen_b
10-10-2022, 09:06 AM
^ Id have a problem with it too but of course I’d say that haha.
I’d say to split it to 1/3 you , 1/3 those odd ball extra sick days , 1/3 to the kids .
Does he have 10 days personal per year ?
The amount of time off in America is fucking shameful but that’s a whole other topic.
To make the best of what you’ve got I’d do a ratio split between .
Maybe you could tactically get him to stop burning the days on the sick stuff to start?
He’s got sick days for that right ?
Aurora_Sunset
10-10-2022, 09:32 AM
I don't know the entirety of his time off policy, but I think his job will basically let you take any sick days unpaid if you want, but you can use vacation time to cover it if you want to get paid still. He could have taken 1 or 2 days paid this past week, but instead used an entire 30 hours. I also reminded him that, with this type of schedule, if we schedule our weeks with the kids properly during the summer, he only has to "save" 4 days for that summertime period with them. That's not nearly all his vacation.
Then he turned around and was like "Well, what if something else comes up, like a family emergency or someone dies?" If someone dies, they give you bereavement time off. That's completely separate from vacation time. If a family emergency comes up, I feel like this company would treat it just like sick time - they would just give you the days off (unpaid) and you don't HAVE to use the paid vacation time if you don't want to. He's making plenty enough money now (especially now that he's going to get shift differential pay for night shift as well as every time he works a weekend), that he doesn't have to save every single vacation day to be paid "if something happens."
I'm asking him to use vacation days for planning fun, luxury things ahead of time. That's what they should be for. Sure, save 40 hours for planned time with the kids over the summer. But don't tell me that you can't plan ahead take a few days off around Christmas and then 2 days later use 30 hours to cover an entire week off from being sick.
carmen_b
10-10-2022, 09:48 AM
^ I hope he will work with you on that ! It's completely normal to take a few days off for you + partner to go do something ( like extend a weekend to five days ). Maybe once he gets a little more used to it ( the new routine ) he'll see he could easily swing that ?
miss.a.p1600
10-10-2022, 02:10 PM
^^ The thing is, I get needing to work weekends. I work weekends almost every single week, but I'm on a flexible schedule now and have taken a lot off to do things with him AND the kids.
Even when I was required to work weekends, I would absolutely use my vacation time, paid time off, and even unpaid time off to spend with HIM if we planned something fun. But he won't use any of his for me?
Oh shit I misread it my bad.
I wish I was as good at family time thing as you and carmen
He should do the same for you imo
carmen_b
10-10-2022, 03:16 PM
The cleaners are lingering at the AirBnB!
GTFO ugh !
It’s 4pm already
Dog and I have been at a park staring at it waiting for the car to leave lol.
I’m kind of salty they “ claim “ they couldn’t move this clean to Thursday .
I would have preferred it dirty ha vs having to worry about it haha .
Ok off to get a tea lol !
chanzep
10-10-2022, 04:13 PM
I hope you feel ok soon. The peace of your rental should help you. You seem like your thinking how to enjoy your time and revamp. Break ups are hard. I mean you did try.
miss.a.p1600
10-10-2022, 04:38 PM
Ls kids are off for fall break and his dumb ass suggests “what do you think if I bring them over to the house?”
Bruh what I think is you obviously want to be celibate if you think I want your loud ass noisy ass kids here while I’m fucking working.
I told him to take them OUT to an entertainment center
Then this mf is like “well I don’t want to have them out for 12 hours
Bitch! I work 8 hours number one
And number two why are you picking them up at fucking sunrise if you don’t want to have them out 12 hours? Pick them up mid fucking day, take them OUT for 5+ hours, then bring them back when I’m done working. WTF?!?
Im going to get a day pass at an office if he doesn’t figure out how to respect my boundaries. It’s not fucking rocket science.
Making me waste my limited break hours thinking about this bullshit
carmen_b
10-10-2022, 06:19 PM
According to J I am really bad at it lol
So I'm not sure I make this list ha.
I wish I was as good at family time thing as you and carmen
carmen_b
10-10-2022, 06:21 PM
^ You should throw him a curve ball and be like " Oh yes bring them. We will bake cookies in the afternoon, and do a family movie night plus games. I will cook a 4 course meal " .
Then when he is like " oh wow really ? " tell him ....... " NO ..... please grow the fuck up " .
hahaha
Obviously don't do that.
carmen_b
10-10-2022, 06:37 PM
Thanks. I definitely did. I do hope he changes his mind but I'm leaning towards returning up North with my family when they leave ( a week from now ) after their visit. I just don't see sitting around the desert being a happy spot for me. I have a few days to think about the overall plan though for sure. Today was rough because I forgot the cleaners were coming even though I knew they were so it meant I just wasn't able to get into the place as soon as I wanted. I really wanted to get here at 12:30 do my therapy via zoom and rest. But I didn't get into it until 5 p.m. , oh well. NOW I'm here.
People might find this funny. I haven't really thought about missing J today but I have thought multiple times about my powerful blender and frozen fruits lol for smoothies hahaha.
Of course my blender wasn't talking about how hopeless everything was Fri / Sat. so I'm sure that is a factor.
I hope you feel ok soon. The peace of your rental should help you. You seem like your thinking how to enjoy your time and revamp. Break ups are hard. I mean you did try.
miss.a.p1600
10-10-2022, 07:25 PM
According to J I am really bad at it lol
So I'm not sure I make this list ha.
No i remember you mentioned how you helped do her hair and was bonding with her especially in the beginning.
I think J made it difficult for you sometimes…..especially during summer and your work time
miss.a.p1600
10-10-2022, 07:33 PM
Ls kids are off for fall break and his dumb ass suggests “what do you think if I bring them over to the house?”
Bruh what I think is you obviously want to be celibate if you think I want your loud ass noisy ass kids here while I’m fucking working.
I told him to take them OUT to an entertainment center
Then this mf is like “well I don’t want to have them out for 12 hours
Bitch! I work 8 hours number one
And number two why are you picking them up at fucking sunrise if you don’t want to have them out 12 hours? Pick them up mid fucking day, take them OUT for 5+ hours, then bring them back when I’m done working. WTF?!?
Im going to get a day pass at an office if he doesn’t figure out how to respect my boundaries. It’s not fucking rocket science.
Making me waste my limited break hours thinking about this bullshit
^ You should throw him a curve ball and be like " Oh yes bring them. We will bake cookies in the afternoon, and do a family movie night plus games. I will cook a 4 course meal " .
Then when he is like " oh wow really ? " tell him ....... " NO ..... please grow the fuck up " .
hahaha
Obviously don't do that.
yeah if he was pulling in multiple 6 figures. Hell even one six figure.
I was FINALLY able to schedule therapist now that my work schedule changed. I’m going to ask her for the diplomatic way to go about telling him it’s a horrible idea to bring those kids to this house while I’m working.
i hate how these mfs don’t schedule school break camps n activities then expect my home/home office to be the home childcare spot.
I bet his dumb ass told Bertha he was going to get them in the morning which is why he’s pressuring me about accepting them being here all day.
i wonder would I be wrong to suggest he simply stay with them at Berthas house in the morning and afternoon (since she’s probably going to be out of the house working I think) then send them off to an entertainment center early evening then come to the house when I’m done working.
Either that or he can pay me $100 to procure a co working space for the day
i shouldn’t have to have my work performance suffer cause those fucktards cant figure out how to arrange fall break childcare.
carmen_b
10-10-2022, 08:03 PM
In case he doesn't get the go ahead to use her house maybe he can at least " split it " with you ? Like they are at the house doing QUIET stuff for 3-4 hours ( I know hear me out ha ) and then he takes them out for 4-5 hours. Movies are SO cheap during the day and kill a couple hours. Then you could switch and you leave after work and give them the house for 4 hours that first day.
Maybe Berth could keep them that first morning you are working and he could do the later pick up and immediately take them to movie and then to a pool or something.
chanzep
10-10-2022, 09:28 PM
Miss P I would put my foot down. He's so selfish you work 2 jobs and he expects for them to come. Tell him the house has to be quiet when your working. That They can only come during after work hours. I'm sure they are not allowed at his job. Just because you work from home it's no different. I'm fact I have known companies fire people for having noisy backgrounds.
Let him go to Berthas since all they want to do is stay inside.
miss.a.p1600
10-12-2022, 05:11 PM
So he asks me again “what do you think about the kids coming here”
Um what do I think about your loud ass ADHD kids coming into my workspace?
Then he goes on to say “I want to spend time with them”
Ok cool.
And I want to keep my job you selfish cunt. Spend time with them OUTSIDE of this fucking house.
I’m going to be a ruthless bitch if I hear a peep out of anyone in this house while I’m working and people don’t stay out of my workspace.
To top it off I got sick after he brought his sick daughter over here. This is the second time he’s done that. I feel like a mega cunt for saying this but I’m about tired of him and those kids.
If I weren’t feeling bad physically I’d just call out of work and leave now. I can’t wait till this I don’t have to deal with him or his baggage anymore
chanzep
10-12-2022, 06:07 PM
Don't feel anyway. Your just trying to work. He's so selfish doesn't care if you lose your job or get sick. I don't understand the sick child not being at home. My friend had to do parent with her ex hus . She never sends the sick child there. It's not normal.
miss.a.p1600
10-12-2022, 06:37 PM
^i cant fucking stand him for doing this shit. Both him and Berth are trifling as hell.
I get you want to spend time with your kids but ffs keep them at Berthas and take them out! Cotdamn these people are level 10 retarded.
The only silver lining in this is they’ll all be gone from this house this weekend when I’m off so I have the house to myself during my off days.
His birthday is next weekend.
I ain’t buying shit. Hell be lucky if he gets a McDonald’s 2 for $2
miss.a.p1600
10-14-2022, 01:29 PM
Thank heavens L’s kids aren’t *that* bad being here during my workday.
They actually are more quiet than him.
Shit if those kids were this quiet ALL the time and cleaned up more after themselves I wouldn’t mind them being in my space as much.
Like how hard is it to use fucking INSIDE voices?!?
Still pissing me off that he’s waiting until tomorrow morning when he has to go to work so they’re going to be rushing around like chickens with their head cut off when he should simply be taking them back tonight so they don’t have to wake up early on their break because he’s trying to spare Bertha the extra child free hours even if it means shuffling those kids around at the crack of dawn.
He better either tell them to clean up before they leave or do the work for them. Cause I will rage if they leave dirty bathrooms, bedrooms, etc.
Whatever I’m going to be out tonight. Celebrate with some edibles, FaceTime my friends, chipotle and sparkling water
miss.a.p1600
10-15-2022, 05:38 AM
The quiet was short lived (should have known) and this mf allowed his kids to run round this house hollaring at 1030pm and acting like this is a fucking zoo. I mean mugged tf out of him and told him to stop, he apologized, but still annoyed
The fact he didn’t take them home last night and contributed to them disturbing my peace in the evening while Bertha is in a quiet home while I’m being terrorized by her spawns is irking tf out of me.
He only respected my boundaries when the employer (who pays me which helps him pay his bills) doles out the rules.
L will pay for his stupid decision to give Bertha peace while disturbing mine.
And yes I’m going to take a page from his book and be passive aggressive and petty. He will get the most basic ass birthday and I’m going to fake complain how expensive everything is and pretend not to have any money.
I can’t wait till they’re all out of the door and “don’t let the doorknob hit ya on the way out”.
Edit: Thank goodness they’re finally gone for now. His dumb ass going to be late for work up here trying to give Bertha extra few hours child free. Fuck her and L. Matter of fact they can fuck each other. Cause I don’t want any parts of this baggage.
chanzep
10-15-2022, 02:10 PM
Your not getting peace there because it's not where your supposed to be. Your being pushed to see this isn't it for you there is better waiting.
Just my way of thinking of you pursue something for long and it doesn't work it's not meant to be.
Be petty treat him with the respect he gives. Moan about money and be cheap like he does. See how he likes it. I bet he doesnt. Don't let him question anything about your finances though . I hope you find peace soon .
miss.a.p1600
10-16-2022, 12:08 PM
Good points. I’m not sure the step parent thing, amongst other things, is the best fit for me.
Clearing the clutter, prepping n such. Taking womens self defense courses, etc as well
chanzep
10-16-2022, 01:36 PM
It's best to be honest with yourself. I know I wouldn't do the step parent thing so won't date men with young kids.
Aurora_Sunset
10-17-2022, 04:16 PM
Bio-mom still being a bitch because insurance still won't cover part of stepson's appendectomy. My husband has called multiple times and spoken to multiple people about it. They've paid for everything - the doctor, the anesthesiologist, and the hospital stay - everything except the actual surgery. No one knows why. She actually looked at my husband yesterday and told him that if he didn't get it taken care of this week, she was going to get a lawyer and sue him....
He laughed at her. Sue him for WHAT? He told her that if she wanted to, they could get a lawyer together and sue the insurance company for not paying this bill, and her response was, "I'm not paying for that!"
Soooo, you won't pay for part of a lawyer to go after the company, but you'll pay a lawyer to go after your ex-husband on absolutely no grounds???
Beyond being laughable, this is the EXACTLY the type of shit that shows that she's the fucking problem when it comes to "co-parenting." We have a problem that affects all of us, but instead of teaming up with us and viewing it as "us vs. the problem," she directs all her attention to blaming us and making it me and husband vs. her. She did the exact same thing at the beginning of 2021 when our insurance got automatically cancelled on January 1st by a glitch in the system. It was just as stressful for us to deal with as her, but she kept threatening legal action because my husband "didn't have insurance like he was supposed to." Like.... it would literally kill her to be on our side and tackle a problem TOGETHER instead of blaming us for everything.
chanzep
10-17-2022, 07:10 PM
She can't pay anything for her own child ! What is wrong with her. It's not your hus fault . Sue smh she sounds ridiculous .
miss.a.p1600
10-18-2022, 07:42 AM
^im sorry but she sounds neurotic and will get laughed out of court.
Her dumb ass should have run the numbers before she completed these surgeries. Bruh you utilized the service now pay the people wtf!?!
Do either one of y’all have hospital indemnity insurance? That can cover some extra bills the health insurance doesn’t cover. If ya don’t have it, all the adults should obtain it through employers or privately. It’s super cheap.
But either way it’s Bertha 2.0 fault.
miss.a.p1600
10-18-2022, 06:41 PM
If this asshole doesn’t take his calls and take his ass in another room I’m going to rage
I don’t want to see or hear those kids unless it’s the required parenting day. Period!!!
That Bertha Bitch and this lump head dude have burned every bridge and shred of patience I have with their non stop self-inflicted child care crisis. I’m not on call. I don’t want to live on edge wondering if each call from them is going to be some emergency. Take those calls elsewhere mf!
miss.a.p1600
10-20-2022, 02:04 PM
L saying he’s going to Berthas house to keep his kids company while she’s at work.
Good. Stay there and hover as long as you need.
smeca
10-21-2022, 03:41 AM
Idk how to manage my reactions. The 3 of us are having breakfast and I'm suggesting what I might make for dinner tmr night. I do this mediterranean tray bake with chicken and veggies and I have sweet potatoes which make it soo much nicer. I'm thinking his daughter might enjoy that colourful meal. He asks if she's had sweet potato before and she immediately answered "yes i HATE it".
It just pisses me off. Wtf is there to hate? I've said already it's not a reason to not eat dinner. I swear their brain is different. There's foods I don't enjoy that much but they will just leave it and go hungry rather than eat a 'meh' dinner. Does it literally taste like death to them or something?? I'm just sick of hearing allll about what she doesn't like, as if it doesn't cost money and effort to make dinner.
miss.a.p1600
10-21-2022, 03:00 PM
^girl I do like they do at the school café
The main meal and then a turkey sandwich if ya don’t like the main meal.
Kids are so picky and unreasonable sometimes.
If you’re in a good mood you can find some recipes to ‘sneak’ the healthy foods in they claim they don’t like. Sometimes preparing the food a different way makes all the difference
smeca
10-21-2022, 03:14 PM
^I know. And it seems like its universal so I feel like I shouldn't be bothered. But I always remember this documentary about a nomadic people in the mountain and a kid yumming up yak testicle stew and just think its possible not to be fussy haha!
I guess it's quite big part of their day so they get extra bummed if they don't enjoy it, and I guess they always want their absolute favourite, they just live for short term joys don't they
miss.a.p1600
10-21-2022, 04:48 PM
L is pissing me off expecting me to host this elaborate two day long birthday then saying “oh do you have anything planned cause those kids are begging to come over”
Look mf! I told you hang out with your friends and family. He was like Im trying to save money. Well mf Im not your damn mom so if your friends won’t buy you a drink or a meal for your birthday then you need new friends.
Get a life ffs!!! Upgrade yourself and your circle. Wtf.
He can cling to those kids while I celebrate by myself. I’m not letting anyone or their dead weight or baggage hold me down
So annoyed
carmen_b
10-21-2022, 05:11 PM
Up there in phrases of turn off .... “ trying to save money “
well now that everyone’s clams are as dry as the desert lol ...
miss.a.p1600
10-21-2022, 06:28 PM
^gotta laugh to keep from crying
Lol @ dry clams
chanzep
10-21-2022, 11:06 PM
Ugh Miss P is he serious ? Does he think your going to pay and host his people. They are all adults they can pay . Two days who is he the King !.
What did he do for your birthday?
I would go for one dinner just the 2 of you. Tell him to party with his people for most of it. Go and work lol. Don't let him stress you out.
miss.a.p1600
10-22-2022, 08:26 AM
Ugh Miss P is he serious ? Does he think your going to pay and host his people. They are all adults they can pay . Two days who is he the King !.
What did he do for your birthday?
I would go for one dinner just the 2 of you. Tell him to party with his people for most of it. Go and work lol. Don't let him stress you out.
I agree!
No he didn’t want me to pay for his friends. I was just pissed he wouldn’t arrange to go out with them so I wouldn’t be smothered by him.
For my birthday, he tried to do something elaborate but I wouldn’t let him and let my family treat. I didn’t want to be alone with him too much and I wanted my family to launch into their diatribe about men providing, making more money, etc plus i didn’t want him overspending then thinking I owed him (I know I’m going to keep stacking towards my exit plan) - it was all calculated.
He tried to wait till I was drifting off to sleep to argue with me last night about how I wasn’t having conversations / spending time with him. Bitch! First of all I don’t play the “sleep deprivation” abuse tactic. And I’m not going to be arguing with these males. So I instantly left and slept in another room. Secondly I worked all damn week and was exhausted and wanted my Friday evening ALONE because he’s been off work all damn week, plotting to smother those kids and possibly bring them over to disturb my peace too, and I told his ass I would hang out with him and buy him a meal this weekend.
Leave me tf alone Smother!!!!
carmen_b
10-22-2022, 08:34 AM
^ Aw. I bet his neediness will kick up on the birthday weekend !
BUT you are doing the meal ect. so that is something !
Is he really that unaware you plan to leave ?
He must not know because he is expecting the traditional relationship stuff.
miss.a.p1600
10-22-2022, 09:10 AM
^I thought about telling him and just being honest but I am paranoid. Especially after that incident a few weeks ago where he tried to restrain me for no reason except I didn’t want to stay in the room and argue with him and I felt that crossed the line and he hasn’t given a genuine apology. I told him i will call police if he dare do that again and instead of saying I’m sorry I wont harm you he was like “I was just playing” and “I’m not going to jail for anyone” - never took accountability or apologized so I checked out even more mentally from this relationship
Cool. Cause I will go to jail for self defense (then hire a lawyer to bond out) if a mf try to cause me harm. I don’t play that shit.
These men out here act like nut jobs when they don’t get their way and I want to come out on the other end unscathed.
I had one situation where a dude set me up to be robbed after I ended it with him. And I lived in a gated apartment decent area at the time. Thankfully I wasn’t there and had insurance but I was pretty shaken up that someone I trusted would do that. And have a bit of trauma when it comes to leaving men when they’re not acting right. Cause if they’re not acting right when you’re with them then wtf are they gonna try to do when you leave them
I don’t put it past ANY of them to turn delusional, manipulative, and or violent.
He has a gun so I’m taking lessons and working on getting my gun/weapons, self defense courses, and safety measures too before I move on to my next phase.
So this is kind of why I can’t up and leave just yet like I wish I could.
carmen_b
10-22-2022, 09:15 AM
^ Yes I think it is reality that men can shift quickly to violent which is why it's good to have a plan and get OUT smoothly ( like when they are at work lol ) ! It just seems like you hate him ( from certain posts ) so imagine what you could GET DONE if you didn't have his time sucker energy kicking around ha ! Just something to eventually look forward to I guess !
miss.a.p1600
10-22-2022, 10:19 AM
^agreed. I can’t wait till I don’t have to deal with this baggage anymore.
I’m glad those kids aren’t coming over this weekend.
Nothing against them per say. It’s just enough dealing with his ass.
chanzep
10-22-2022, 01:51 PM
His behaviour is alarming , he thinks it's ok to restrain you it isn't then trying to justify it. The sleep thing too my ex used to do that. My advice would be move while he's out and have relatives help you. I don't like to think how he will react if you just tell him he seems spiteful . I'm sorry your experiencing this it sucks. I hope you can leave soon.
miss.a.p1600
10-22-2022, 02:42 PM
^thanks for helping me work through this.
It is alarming. I haven’t been able to trust him or be intimate with him since then.
I’ve been running in my mind how I’m going to do my final exit but now that I’m feeling better and when he goes back to work I’m going to get my storage unit, turn off my location so he doesn’t see me at storage and ask questions, and slowly put things in there or give them away.
Then when the time is right - I’m peacing out this bitch.
kamiliam
10-22-2022, 03:45 PM
The timeline from that first grab to self defense, to attacking each other physically often can be real quick.
He is not the man you want. Get out before he drags you down to his level.
chanzep
10-22-2022, 04:13 PM
I'm glad you have a plan in mind. Start moving stuff in storage do easy stuff like summer clothes and anything in boxes or books etc 1st.Get rid of anything you don't actually use. The stuff you do use have it organized so it can be ready to be packed quickly. Have someone help you move even if you Have to hire men like I did.