View Full Version : The Step Parent Corner …… rant, brag, shine, or cry here
carmen_b
11-05-2022, 11:38 AM
Same. I'm good for Nov. with so much time at the AirBnB but I'm like " hmmmm if I only travel two weeks in Dec. I kind of want to sign a lease right away when I get back lol ". I don't know if I'm going to last with patience until mid to late Jan. when my renters lease is ending. I'm trying though !
Anyways I am looking forward to the day I don’t have to have anyone in my space unless *I* want them there.
carmen_b
11-05-2022, 11:43 AM
^ I also had some thoughts last week about being cheap and doing the room mate thing.
No. haha
I don't think so.
It's such a luxury to move around in a space and not run into anyone.
I think I'm a point where I'll just pay whatever it takes to make that happen .
miss.a.p1600
11-07-2022, 05:54 AM
L acted like a decent person this weekend.
Didn’t hassle me about spending time with him or his kids
Took his kids OUT of this house AND had them doing chores outside (they could talk loud as they desired)
JenniferNorth
11-07-2022, 08:37 AM
Unfortunately those kids are so damn clingy theyÂ’re constantly blowing up his phone hounding him to hurry up and get them.
I canÂ’t stand how his dumb ass tells his kid (and ex wife by proxy) his every move and every off day. Those kids donÂ’t need to know his days off. All they need to know is when he is going to pick them up.
I think he gets a thrill out of them nonstop asking and begging him to pick them up.
Anyways I am looking forward to the day I donÂ’t have to have anyone in my space unless *I* want them there.
Are they coming straight home from school , running in the house (Bertha's home), and blowing up his phone ASAP? I am just asking because that is what it sounds like, and it's pretty dumb. What do they get by being at the house with him and you? Are they still wanting to come over when he's at work but you are home?
Either way, I'm glad he got the message and you didn't have a super annoying weekend.
miss.a.p1600
11-08-2022, 06:36 PM
^L is so dumb he doesn’t make them do any chores, let’s them eat the same junk food over n over again, let’s them lounge around all damn day n night, doesn’t make them go to sleep at a decent hour …. Which is why I hate it when they get here and they love it because they have more freedom than Berthas house.
I try not to be too demanding of those kids cause it’s only one night/day they’re here but anything longer and I get really triggered and start regulating , damn what L wants - I pay bills up in here too (and if I didn’t I’d still think the same way)
No - I’ve been pretty hardcore about them stay with their mother until L is off work.
Taking care of those kids on my own free time is beyond my pay grade
carmen_b
11-08-2022, 06:44 PM
^ Good for you for holding your boundaries given he used to try to trick you and drop them on you .
miss.a.p1600
11-09-2022, 03:08 PM
L comes in and says he has something to tell me but is scared.
Look mf if it has ANYTHING to do with taking full custody of those kids/letting those kids live here daily (n disrupt my peace), expecting me to give up my peace n freedom for free, I WILL rage tf out
I hope he’s not thinking since he’s getting a 20k raise in the new job that that is enough for me to change my mind about him playing mr mom at my expense.
My nanny fees start at 50k and he can’t afford my services right now.
Keep those kids right where they belong = with Bertha!
He better not come with the fuck shit. I’m going to start packing my stuff when he goes back to work tomorrow……just in case
carmen_b
11-09-2022, 03:24 PM
^ Well maybe he has the 50k !
Ha. That's about where i was at too if J wanted me to reduce my work hours more.
Like .... he MUST have some clue you are leaving ?
I just can not imagine he is that clueless. Maybe HE will initiate a break up?
JenniferNorth
11-09-2022, 04:55 PM
Damn Miss P, don't leave us hanging, girl!! What was he scared about??
miss.a.p1600
11-09-2022, 07:46 PM
^ive been in such a good mood and my money has been stacking just right.
Im actually scared to ask what he scared to say because I don’t want whatever burden he tried to throw at me ruin my day and week.
Im going to wait till I refill my edibles n call him at work (so I can hang up if necessary) vs asking him in person then have to be forced to keep interacting / arguing about whatever it is
I wish he would initiate a break up. Make my job A LOT easier.
carmen_b
11-09-2022, 07:48 PM
^ Maybe just don't do anything.
He can give you this info when he is ready. He is a grown man.
miss.a.p1600
11-10-2022, 09:38 AM
^ Maybe just don't do anything.
He can give you this info when he is ready. He is a grown man.
Annnd…..in typical “i can’t solve my own problems/neither can Bertha” fashion
He finally brought up how his son wanted to come over this weekend - while he is working
Cotdamn! Does this dude not get a clue that I don’t want to be responsible for his kids while he is at work? I barely want to be responsible for them when he’s here.
He tried to butter me up with a meal and being extra nice.
Im sorry but no amount of food (that I can buy myself) is going to make me want to give up my peace and freedom for a weekend.
pay off my bills THEN we can talk.
carmen_b
11-10-2022, 09:45 AM
^ hahaha
Why does the son need to be there anyway ? Go make some friends ? Ride your bike to the rec center ! Go play basketball or swim ! Get a hustle raking leaves or moving lawns.
He needs to be conscious anyway to not let the son get lazy.
It seems like he needs some help.
NOT your problem though like you said !
hahaha
God ..... I'm so obsessed with quiet ! NOW I get it so much !
JenniferNorth
11-10-2022, 11:11 AM
So that's what he was so scared about???? Really??
Also, what's there for his son on the weekend? If L is not there, why does he need to be there?
I agree, where are their friends? Don't they go any of the above mentioned activities?
Tell L you want some time to yourself after work and you don't want to take care of his kids. They should spend time with Bertha and you are not a free babysitter.
miss.a.p1600
11-10-2022, 12:55 PM
His son wants to sit here an game unlimited all day and stay up all damn night and have the house to himself (if I leave)
Damn I spoke too soon. Just as I said he finally got a clue he really has not gotten a clue or maybe he has a clue but would rather hassle me than to hassle Bertha with her own kids.
Then he’s probably going to tell his son *I* don’t want him here this w/e instead of growing balls, paying Bertha to keep those kids with her, and telling his son NO I HAVE TO WORK
miss.a.p1600
11-10-2022, 01:02 PM
Im just going to keep on with my original goal to leave him.
I feel like my quality of life is diminished every weekend when he is here with those kids and especially more when he hassles me about having them invade my space when he’s not here is even worse.
Then if I present it as *I* want a break from the endless childcare every cotdamn weekend, I look like the bad guy.
Maybe I AM the bad guy. I should have NEVER dealt with a man with dependent kids.
miss.a.p1600
11-10-2022, 01:08 PM
^ hahaha
Why does the son need to be there anyway ? Go make some friends ? Ride your bike to the rec center ! Go play basketball or swim ! Get a hustle raking leaves or moving lawns.
He needs to be conscious anyway to not let the son get lazy.
It seems like he needs some help.
NOT your problem though like you said !
hahaha
God ..... I'm so obsessed with quiet ! NOW I get it so much !
THANK YOU!!! Exactly…. He claims his son will come over and rake the yard and he will pay him but I have a feeling that his son will simply land over here, game all day and night, talk loudly in his headset, make messes he won’t clean up, stay up all night, and not do one ounce of labor outside or do SOMETHING productive.
I wish I could find some sort of weekend program and tell L he’s only coming over if he agrees to drop him off at a rec center.
This kid is clingy with no friends and lazy cause L coddled tf out of him.
Im sick of seeing it and being inconvenienced by it.
So that's what he was so scared about???? Really??
Also, what's there for his son on the weekend? If L is not there, why does he need to be there?
I agree, where are their friends? Don't they go any of the above mentioned activities?
Tell L you want some time to yourself after work and you don't want to take care of his kids. They should spend time with Bertha and you are not a free babysitter.
EXACTLY my thoughts. Your kids do not need to be here on days you’re working unless I volunteer (which I might do every now and then but not every fucking weekend to help some self centered bitch get a break from her own kids who could give two shits about returning the favor).
I might just say fuck it. And leave his son here while I pack my shit into storage and prepare to leave his ass.
I don’t want to have to deal with some stupid ass man who cares more about his ex wife’s peace than mine. That bitch chose to have those kids so how dare she act like she can’t deal with them for a week or two straight. Bitch! Ask your damn family for help! Wtf?!?
miss.a.p1600
11-10-2022, 02:45 PM
Ok. I signed up to work overtime lol!!!!
Stacking more money to gtfo AND have a valid reason (not that I should need a reason) to tell him and that trifling ex wife NO I DO NOT want to be obligated to your kids fucking every cotdamn weekend L is working.
chanzep
11-10-2022, 03:58 PM
He was not a scared about anything. He's being manipulative , saying he's scared then buttering you up to ask something he knows he shouldn't .
I hope he's not having the kid come, especially now you will be working.
I don't understand why he expects childcare from you it's not like your a mother. Most men understand childless women don't want to look after other people's kid. It's selfish to expect you to work then babysit on your free time. It's like no freedom.
I say so as much Overtime as you can manage , start looking for winter apartment specials and move out. He's a liberty taker. Don't worry about being the bad guy fuck it .
carmen_b
11-10-2022, 06:47 PM
I had to go to the house today to get some plants and other things and it was so heart breaking in a way.
I also had this moment ....
I get there at 2:45 and see the his daughter stuff is still on the stairs ! Ugh.
I knew the ex was coming after school ( around 3 p.m. ) then. I mis-timed my errand.
Doggie and I hid around the corner down the road until 3:15 when she left so I could load up some of these plants. I guess the moment was that I saw the pile and it was like " OMG I'm so relieved to NOT be dealing with this anymore ". I assumed the stuff would be GONE earlier in the day .
Of course ..... he's left on a flight for an overnight trip and just lets his ex wander in now that I'm not there to say no to it.
But ..... the whole thing was SUPER painful.
I hope I don't get triggered anymore .
I plan to stay out of the direct neighborhood within 5 miles of the house.
I feel triggered by the general area too.
miss.a.p1600
11-11-2022, 01:30 PM
^i feel ya on being triggered….
miss.a.p1600
11-12-2022, 06:02 AM
His son is not going to be invading my space and disrupting my peace ….. until L gets off work
JenniferNorth
11-12-2022, 06:27 AM
Take care of yourself Miss P. I feel for you, cause it's like those two morons keep dragging you into the middle of their shit. How have they been alive this long and unable to solve basic problems??
Aurora_Sunset
11-13-2022, 08:28 AM
Stepson is being fairly well-behaved this weekend. My husband is actually enforcing some stuff around here! They both *gasp* took their dirty dishes to the sink after dinner last night, and my husband has been on him about the rude way he speaks to his sister.
Not gonna lie, I'm still hiding in the bedroom this morning though lol I actually took a Sunday off, but I don't want to spend an entire 10 hours with them until they go home.
carmen_b
11-13-2022, 08:42 AM
^ I would often do that on the longer days ( we only had every other Sun. as a longer day as his days were mon / tues / wed which fell in school ).
Like .... I'm sorry but I gotta split this day up 50 / 50 ( half for just me ) , ha.
miss.a.p1600
11-13-2022, 12:55 PM
That’s good your husband ensured his sons behavior was on point this weekend.
Can’t be disrespecting females especially your own relatives. So it’s good he’s checking that behavior while he’s young.
Aurora_Sunset
11-13-2022, 02:31 PM
Alright, I'm ready for them to leave lol
Stepdaughter is in ALL of my shit - of course. I've had to tell her multiple times that no, I don't want her to do my hair or makeup today. I've worked hard for almost a year now to grow my hair out healthily, I'm not letting her rip it to shreds again. Also not letting her destroy all my nice makeup. I asked her where HER makeup went, and she said she took it home... When I asked why she did that, she said, "I can just use yours. It's fine." I said, "Well, no, it's really not fine," but I left it at that, because I didn't want to be a total bitch. But it's just like my art supplies - sorry, kid, but there's a dramatic difference between the cheap shit we buy for kids who just want to play around and experiment, and the expensive, nice stuff that we buy as adults, and no, you can't just 'play' with my nice stuff. I've also done her hair about 10 different times, because she's never happy with it. I don't know how to get it through her kid brain that no matter what you do to her hair, she's not going to look like the Youtuber in the video... Not least of all because her hair isn't all one length and pretty thin.
My husband said he was taking them home at 4. It's 4:30, and they're not even close to ready to walk out the door. I even asked him earlier to take them home a little early today since I'm not working, and we could spend time together. But ok, fuck me, I guess. Then, I'm trying to get their clothes together and find out that stepson hasn't changed his clothes or showered all weekend? Bro, come on. I asked why he didn't make him take a shower earlier when stepdaughter got out, and he gives me this helpless shrug, as though he's not the fucking parent who control this stuff....
miss.a.p1600
11-13-2022, 02:46 PM
^thats one of the problems I have too.
I have bought those kids backpacks, clothes, stuffed animals and once it goes with them to their moms house it “disappears”
And I hate to be THAT bitch and be like “leave the stuff I buy here” but if you want to have nice things to wear/play with and the mom is a petty cunt who will throw away anything I buy then ….. it is what it is.
So I feel ya on the play makeup and hair. She should have some dolls to help her get practice first before playing in real hair. Too bad she took all those toys to her moms house.
And from my experience…..divorced dad guilt and procrastination has them waiting till the last minute to take those kids back. And yes! Fuck you. (Not literally) but divorced dads usually going to take their kids “needs” as a priority. If you explained to him they need to be back before sunset and to have adequate time to prep for school then he may have considered it. And then you unfortunately have to back door your way into getting what you want.
Aurora_Sunset
11-13-2022, 02:50 PM
Yeah, get them the fuck out.
I pulled out some old Halloween candy earlier and was standing right there when my husband offered all of it to stepson. Asked if he wanted some M&Ms - no. Jolly ranchers - no. A sucker - no. Cotton candy - no.
Now, all of a sudden, hours later, he wants to know where the candy is. It's gone, dude. So, he's out there screaming and insisting that we never offered it to him (that's a lie), never told him what we had (that's a lie) and that he said he wanted some later (that's a lie). We even have suckers and cotton candy left, and he angrily yelled that he didn't want that. Well, tough shit then. What are you whining about?
My husband is delaying getting them ready because he's in the bedroom searching for random loose candy he might have somewhere. I told him to forget it and go. I don't feel sorry for an almost 11-year old kid who's throwing a tantrum over not getting a few pieces of candy that were 100% offered to him earlier. Quit coddling him and go.
Aurora_Sunset
11-13-2022, 02:56 PM
^thats one of the problems I have too.
I have bought those kids backpacks, clothes, stuffed animals and once it goes with them to their moms house it “disappears”
And I hate to be THAT bitch and be like “leave the stuff I buy here” but if you want to have nice things to wear/play with and the mom is a petty cunt who will throw away anything I buy then ….. it is what it is.
So I feel ya on the play makeup and hair. She should have some dolls to help her get practice first before playing in real hair. Too bad she took all those toys to her moms house.
I'm mad my husband lets her take so much stuff back now.
We went through a whole thing almost 3 years ago where bio-mom was a huge bitch about how she didn't want them leaving anything at our place anymore if it came from HER house. But up until that point, every single thing we bought for them ended up over there and we NEVER saw those toys again. It's still the case that anything that gets bought over here and ends up over there NEVER makes it back here - but everything they bring from her house goes back with them at the end of the weekend.
My husband and I were of the mindset that these were the kids things so it was up to them what they took or left where. But if she was gonna be a cunt about it, then we couldn't very well have them take everything we bought over there if she wasn't going to let them keep anything over here. So, for awhile, we were really strict about not letting them take anything home with them if we bought it. Nowadays, I'm a little less strict around things like stuffed animals or whatever because they have a million of them. But something like a giant makeup kit that we bought for her to have something over here? I wasn't home when she packed it up, and my husband just let it go with her. No - that's something that needed to stay here, because now she has no other "option" except my actual makeup.
miss.a.p1600
11-13-2022, 03:26 PM
^that makes sense.
I will say that I am GLAD L’s current position forces him to work weekends so he usually can’t have these kids lingering here but one or two days.
Im dreading winter break because I know L and Bertha won’t have any plans for them. I wish I could move out by then
Aurora_Sunset
11-15-2022, 03:21 PM
On a brighter note, I've noticed that the last few weekends the kids have been here, stepson isn't using pullups or wetting the bed anymore.
miss.a.p1600
11-15-2022, 06:04 PM
^thats excellent for him!
And less laundry too
miss.a.p1600
11-15-2022, 06:08 PM
On a positive note (for me)
L is chilling out on constantly trying to default to bringing his kids to this house.
His sister in law was like “are your kids there ONLY on the weekends”
Yes bitch those kids are only here on the weekends like most typical divorced dads and if you have a problem with that then YOU host them on weekdays/after work/weekends (or whenever Bertha doesn’t want to deal with them), take them out, pay for them, clean up after them, let them come to your job, disrupt your peace, let them run up your electricities, eat your food, do nothing to help or contribute, and hassle tf out of you!
carmen_b
11-15-2022, 09:55 PM
I woulda given my left tit for weekends only / 8 day cap.
I mean ... not really because I need that titty for the club sometimes but you know what I mean , ha.
miss.a.p1600
11-16-2022, 05:31 AM
^the less the better. For me at least
If I can’t regulate and make them be independent responsible adults in training, L thinks them coming over is a “free for all”/no rules/no regulations, then I don’t want them here and they need to be raised by their mother.
I’m still a bit salty Bertha didn’t stay gone out of town with her kids.
When I initially got with L I was expecting school breaks only like he was advertising n bragging about.
Now it’s weekends AND school breaks AND unlimited summer days AND him being on call 24/7
I’m NEVER doing men with kids again.
It’s too much, most of these divorced men with kids are even more delusional/entitled than regular men and dealing with their annoying asses PLUS their baggage is just too much
You and Aurora are great at handling the challenges that come along. I think I mentally was not there to y’all’s level of compassion and the dudes can make it harder if they’re not equipped either
carmen_b
11-16-2022, 08:11 AM
^ As the last year went on I realized how essential it was for me to only give about 8-9 days a month.
I *see* logically how that could have offended J but I really thought with some help we could have come up with something.
The main point being that he was divorced not widowed . She had a mom !
All of a sudden ( I mean not sudden .... slow like the boiled frog story ) I became this person who didn’t even have two evenings to themselves a week. I was exhausted and so desperate for change. I started putting my foot down and taking those evenings.
The separation wasn’t the change I wanted but oh well .
miss.a.p1600
11-16-2022, 08:34 AM
L seemed to think it was a good idea to go to Berthas house and cook for his kids while the broad is allegedly sick
Normally I’m glad he’s out of my hair and I have house to myself but I told him he should have just sent DoorDash if he thought those kids were going to starve otherwise
His son is old enough to cook or heat up a pizza.
When I confronted him he was like “well maybe I should have just brought them over here and cooked for them here”
Um no you don’t threaten to send kids who’ve been exposed to illness into my home while I’m working and you should have sent DoorDash or let your ex wife order pizza delivery herself. Wtf
carmen_b
11-16-2022, 09:00 AM
^ If you think about it though do you really care what he does since you are on track to leaving ?
Like .... YES .... in most cases ..... you do NOT ever hang out at an ex's . That is a serious boundary cross.
miss.a.p1600
11-16-2022, 02:19 PM
^i thought about it and in the grand scheme of things.
I shouldn’t care.
He was out of my hair so whatever.
carmen_b
11-17-2022, 08:15 AM
I still pop into that support group on this subject sometimes.
I noticed today someone was saying something about lunch and food picky stuff and it was just this fresh air vibe for me .... like .... oh .... shit I DON'T have to deal with at all ! Nice.
Not that I ever really offered much effort beyond making sure what I made for J and myself had a little extra too if she wanted some.
On the lunch subject J got mad at me once ( I think she was 8-9 ) when I told him she should be packing own lunch and rinsing the thing out ect. ! Sorry ...... at that age you SHOULD be doing this. Then doing the school lunch was awesome this year. I would have found it so triggering if J was packing stuff up for a 10 year old.
Like .... I can not believe some of this shit in the group.
It's almost good to pop in to get these reminders.
carmen_b
11-17-2022, 09:54 AM
^ yeah obviously if you were not on track to leaving L would be in extreme trouble for being over there and hanging out / cooking as if they were a family !
I would be PISSED if J spent more than 1 minute at his ex's place during pick ups and she sure as hell wasn't allowed to linger at mine more than one minute to pick up the stuff. I once told J going into the two minute mark was TOO much so make sure the pile of stuff was READY and that daughters shoes were ON . Grab and go is what we do here.
carmen_b
11-17-2022, 11:31 AM
^ buy an ingredient basket for his next trip over lol
miss.a.p1600
11-17-2022, 12:35 PM
^ buy an ingredient basket for his next trip over lol
and a suitcase
miss.a.p1600
11-24-2022, 05:18 AM
I hate how L has this attitude of “I can’t lie to my kids”
Um your kids don’t need to know EVERYTHING mf!
He told them that I was going to be hosting a holiday dinner - obviously without them (since he’s only getting them once during the week while he’s off and not again during the weekend when *Im* off).
Then had the audacity to complain once that I was “hurting his kids feelings”
No mf YOU hurt your kids feelings by giving them intel they don’t need and allowing them to be involved in decision making that should only be reserved for adults.
Your kids are not your bffs
miss.a.p1600
11-24-2022, 07:27 AM
Thought I was going to have to work today but the employer said no work today
I intentionally signed up to work so I could avoid the holiday obligations to other people (I only want to be obligated to myself)
Now since L is off he will see that I am off.
I’m going to have to create some other reason/excuse bc I don’t want to hang out with him, his kids, his family all damn day and night on multiple days.
EDIT: I’m going to enjoy the holiday - regardless
Aurora_Sunset
11-24-2022, 12:19 PM
I hate how L has this attitude of “I can’t lie to my kids”
Um your kids don’t need to know EVERYTHING mf!
He told them that I was going to be hosting a holiday dinner - obviously without them (since he’s only getting them once during the week while he’s off and not again during the weekend when *Im* off).
Then had the audacity to complain once that I was “hurting his kids feelings”
No mf YOU hurt your kids feelings by giving them intel they don’t need and allowing them to be involved in decision making that should only be reserved for adults.
Your kids are not your bffs
He had no reason to tell them this, knowing he wasn't off that weekend and wouldn't be bringing them over. He knew it would hurt their feelings, and he hurt their feelings on purpose just to make you feel guilt. He's using them as a pawn, and that's low. That's the sort of shit bio-mom does - purposely rile up the kids and hurt their feelings about something she claims we're doing just to try to guilt trip us into doing what she wants.
If he wants to have them for a Thanksgiving meal, HE can take off of work, HE can cook, and HE can clean. Or HE can take them to HIS family's celebration - don't they live nearby? How do they not have plans with their mom anyway? My stepkids always do Thanksgiving with their biological mom.
miss.a.p1600
11-25-2022, 04:07 PM
^good point. He actually did take off and take them to his family.
I opted out because I’d rather not have to keep a charade going on holiday plus I wanted to keep stacking for my exit plan AND have some solo self care.
I didn’t want any pressure (or ensuing guilt trips) to have to be obligated on a weekday.
Aurora_Sunset
11-26-2022, 07:22 PM
Kids are driving me crazy this weekend. They won't stop aggravating each other. Stepson is turning into a Grade A punk. At least my husband is taking disciplining him a lot more seriously lately.
I just wish they would STOP for 10 goddam minutes. Why does high-pitched whining have to come out of their mouths every 5 seconds? Why can't they just sit and play a game together without breaking into a fucking fight a million times? Fucking christ...
miss.a.p1600
11-26-2022, 09:01 PM
^annoying when the whining AND fighting starts.
I usually leave L to deal with it (if I can) then laugh on the way out while HE gets triggered.
Anyways I was supposed to go to an event with L to one of his family members house since I missed another family outing Thursday.
Well he started acting like an ass and saying I HAD to stay at least 2 hours. I told him I’d go but I’m not staying 2 hours and I will just take a separate car. Well he refused to leave sooner than 2 hours, refused to ride separately, then started yelling and stormed out.
Next thing I know he turns off his location then shows up at this house 5 hours later with his loud ass messy kids without informing me.
I was so pissed I can’t put it in words. I don’t want to deal with a “man” who is so immature that he uses his kids to be petty and passive aggressive
Anyways I’m going to be moving some stuff out into my storage tomorrow while him and his kids are asleep (until I can figure out my next step). I’m not going to keep dealing with his shenanigans nor will I tolerate the disrespect, disturbance of peace, etc.
Him and his kids can have this house. There is some place better for me on the horizon.