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smeca
12-23-2022, 05:43 AM
Feeling ambushed. I only found out his schedule after she got here that he was actually having to work 4 of the 8 day visit. I thought I only had to cover Sunday Monday. She doesnt really need much from me but it's not fair he didn't ask me if it was OK she was still here all week despite him not having any extra time off anymore. I get he doesn't want to do the long drive for a short visit, and it's near Christmas. But would he have left her home alone half the week if I wasnt here?. I think he'd have to arrange something different, but he just expected me to be cover without checking.


I make his life easier every day by taking care of the food, cooking, laundry, cleaning.when do I get that favour? I remember miss p or carmen saying they just need to make life easier for us but they do the opposite and wonder why we're not up for sex, Lol

He brought me flowers yesterday.... (ironically they don't cut and arrange them, so it's another job to display them after receiving >.<) I want a spa break!

miss.a.p1600
12-23-2022, 06:59 AM
^my experience is that the average divorced dude with kids is NOT going to consult you first because he doesn’t want to hear no from you then have to battle his batshit crazy ex and desperate kids begging to come over.

It’s easier for them to do what the heck they want to do then ask your forgiveness later (if you’re bothered). They pull this “let me ambush my new gf/wife with my kids” if they think you’re gonna say no to their request.

The men who have it fully figured out are not held hostage by their exes/kids and treat their partners/wives as such because they understand they’re in a partnership with their current spouse (not their ex and not their kids).

you’re right smeca these divorced dudes with kids should be intelligent enough to figure out that placing their current spouse/partner as a priority would help them get laid but some of them (ex L) are so willfully obtuse and operating from divorced dad guilt that it overrides their rational thought process

carmen_b
12-23-2022, 09:47 AM
Smeca :
13 is old enough ( imo ) to stay home 4-5 hours anyway.
I'd allow some independence to roll on forward !
I would recommend getting door cams so you have assurance she isn't bringing boys over ( if she is getting into that stuff ).
Get out and enjoy amenities around your town.
You could even offer to drop her at a friends or the mall a few hours ( then after separate activities do something with her for an hour ).

^ When J started his bullshit ( booking the luxury dolphin experience in Florida for example but not buying ME a ticket ) ..... my body was just like NOPE .
My pussy basically told me what to do . I'm not sure how his mind went " there " in logic but if his goal was sex three times a week ( which he was always asking for ) THEN DON'T FUCK up everywhere else.

carmen_b
12-23-2022, 10:27 AM
I bet we have BOTH said stuff like that ha !
Creating stress and exhaustion is not the way to get your ding a ling played with.
^ A friendly holiday PSA for everyone !!





I remember miss p or carmen saying they just need to make life easier for us but they do the opposite and wonder why we're not up for sex, Lol

carmen_b
12-23-2022, 11:03 AM
So here's something with N.....

I *think* his custody schedule is Tues. 7:15 - Wed. 7:15 and then it's maybe Fri . 7:15 - Sat. 7:15.
BUT I also think it's sometimes Sat 7:15 - Sun. 7:15 instead of the Friday pick up.
It's a weird schedule because I always prefer to meet a little earlier ( like 5:45-6 p.m. ) for bedtime by 11:45.
So it falls where TWO of the days are completely out ( when he picks up ) and two days in the week he's only open after 7:20.
I think I'm experiencing some jealousy with adding this up knowing there must be TWO evenings in the week he wraps work ( or weekend projects lets say on a weekend ) by 5:30 and I didn't get an invite for THAT night. There must be TWO of those earlier nights avail. on his calendar. I know singing practice is Thurs. 7-9.

I feel like the pick up and drop time of 7:15 manages to kill FOUR evenings even though technically he only has two days a week ( two 24 hour visits total ).

smeca
12-23-2022, 11:13 AM
^lol it's not like he's pestering me for it, but I'm still salty and not feeling like a relaxed sexy Xmas weekend at all. Guess I'll have to explain I felt put upon and taken for granted.

We don't have the divorced entanglement or anything, he actually only found out about the kid a few years ago. So we have been on the same page. He seems to enjoy his time more now but for me, it's still mainly extra work and I'm also not very natural or comfortable

carmen_b
12-23-2022, 11:16 AM
^ A long visit is just *a lot*.
I remember really trying to proactively " split " the time when my former partners daughter was there for four days in a week.

There is just a certain LUXURY to having the house completely quiet .
Such as in your case you describe your partner working for 4 days.
I would definitely have to try not to obsess over NOT having the house to myself when he was working ha.

miss.a.p1600
12-23-2022, 02:24 PM
I bet we have BOTH said stuff like that ha !
Creating stress and exhaustion is not the way to get your ding a ling played with.
^ A friendly holiday PSA for everyone !!

L was trying to push for sex a couple days ago.

Little does he know I am one step ahead and was only going to consider it AFTER the holiday because I want to see if he is going to be considerate of MY needs (not just acquiescing to those kids/his ex wife) before I even give his ass the time of day

Friday and Saturday is all I’m doing. I’m going to do KID FREE on Sunday- fuck em all!!!!! And if he acts like a bitch cause I want kid free time then any sort of sexual activity is off the table.

I’ll be damned if I gotta fuck AND have my peace disturbed by Bertha and co. Not today satans!!!!

miss.a.p1600
12-23-2022, 02:28 PM
Smeca :
13 is old enough ( imo ) to stay home 4-5 hours anyway.
I'd allow some independence to roll on forward !
I would recommend getting door cams so you have assurance she isn't bringing boys over ( if she is getting into that stuff ).
Get out and enjoy amenities around your town.
You could even offer to drop her at a friends or the mall a few hours ( then after separate activities do something with her for an hour ).

^ When J started his bullshit ( booking the luxury dolphin experience in Florida for example but not buying ME a ticket ) ..... my body was just like NOPE .
My pussy basically told me what to do . I'm not sure how his mind went " there " in logic but if his goal was sex three times a week ( which he was always asking for ) THEN DON'T FUCK up everywhere else.

Pussy is in control. That’s how it is sometimes and dudes gotta understand “no peace, no pussy”

Their unloading of baggage then willful ignorance isn’t going to work

miss.a.p1600
12-23-2022, 02:39 PM
^ A long visit is just *a lot*.
I remember really trying to proactively " split " the time when my former partners daughter was there for four days in a week.

There is just a certain LUXURY to having the house completely quiet .
Such as in your case you describe your partner working for 4 days.
I would definitely have to try not to obsess over NOT having the house to myself when he was working ha.

YES!!! I love my QUIET and CLEAN house

i remember you saying your “quality of life decreased” dealing with J and his divorced dad antics.

Girl I felt every fucking word!!!

EVERY time LÂ’s kids are on the way I instantly feel agitated, annoyed, disappointed, triggered, etc. to the point IÂ’m NEVER doing this shit again.

sounds harsh but this fool put a bad taste in my mouth by with his lackadaisical helicopter parenting and trying to get free nanny services

miss.a.p1600
12-24-2022, 07:39 AM
I let this dude know off the top only going to hang out with him and his kids a couple hours on Christmas Eve

I don’t think it’s right Bertha don’t have her kids on ANY holidays and it’s not my obligation to deal with it or enable it.

I’m leaving on Christmas and doing what I want and I won’t tolerate guilt trips cause I will turn it right back around on him.

Aurora_Sunset
12-24-2022, 01:58 PM
agreed.

kids can wait a couple hours.

that money and paycheck cannot.

typical Bertha manipulation tactics to try n force her sinister agenda.

Omg, she's so transparent...

She called my husband first thing yesterday morning to ask if he was still coming, and when he said he would pick them up at 10:30, she claimed that's not what he originally said (pretty sure it was though lol), and that she was going to come drop them off instead. He called me wondering what her deal was - I am about 90% sure that she was just desperate to get rid of them because SHE had plans with her new bf. He apparently drove them all here too, which just makes me more sure. They're probably going for her to meet his family for Christmas, and she was just trying to dump the kids off early so they could get a head start, and she was worried about HER not being able to make HER plans if the kids got stuck there longer - it had nothing to do with them lmao. It never does. ::) Normally, if she gets THAT pushy and bitchy about something, it's almost never actually about "the kids" - it's about her and her plans. But she can't say that, because she knows it's ridiculous to expect us to bend over backwards to ensure HER social calendar is fulfilled. So, it's all about, "You should miss work because it's breaking the kids' hearts," instead of her real motive, which is "I wanna be kid-free so I can start my weekend earlier."

I love how she throws around the "the kids should come first" line, when all she's ever thinking about is herself.

I also think she slick wanted to show up here, because she thought I was lying about working and thought she was gonna catch me at home. She even asked about me when they showed up. lol, nope, you didn't "get me," bitch. I was at work, just like I said I would be.

miss.a.p1600
12-24-2022, 03:07 PM
^wait she showed up unplanned?!? Omg. Horrible!!! I hope y’all have a ring cam or something and can report her if need be. Why tf would you just show up with kids ready to drop them off on a whim vs agreed times. That’s emotionally abusive to those kids cause they’re old enough to know what’s going on.

Did your husband acquiesce and take them early when she showed up?

she wanna be kid free so bad…….hire a nanny. Voila!

How hard is that?!?

Girl I swear some of these divorced parents couldn’t parent their way out of a paper bag if it meant saving their life to do so.

miss.a.p1600
12-24-2022, 03:21 PM
Remember when I said I EXPECT one day kid free since I’ve been exhausted dealing with his ridiculous expectations/baggage and working overtime last several weeks

Well this mf decides to “help” me by not having his kids over when he is off Friday and Saturday - taking them back tonight so we can have a kid free Sunday to ourselves.

His dumb ass gets them today and is planning to keep them till Sunday eve.

I even lit into him about the fact his ex wife dump her kids EVERY damn holiday and weekend. His generic ass response “ I love my kids, I’m a GOOD dad” (ok bravo mf) and “my ex wife does nothing on holidays and my kids want to be with me”

Do you boo! I’m heading to KID FREE HOLIDAY/SUGAR DADDY HEADQUARTERS cause you’re too obtuse to get a clue.

I’m not about to keep suffering cause this bitch is too lazy and this fool is constantly enabling her.

Aurora_Sunset
12-24-2022, 03:33 PM
^wait she showed up unplanned?!? Omg. Horrible!!! I hope y’all have a ring cam or something and can report her if need be. Why tf would you just show up with kids ready to drop them off on a whim vs agreed times. That’s emotionally abusive to those kids cause they’re old enough to know what’s going on.

Did your husband acquiesce and take them early when she showed up?

she wanna be kid free so bad…….hire a nanny. Voila!

How hard is that?!?

Girl I swear some of these divorced parents couldn’t parent their way out of a paper bag if it meant saving their life to do so.

She told him she was going to drop them off at 10:30 instead of him picking them up at 10:30. Which makes zero sense - like, why would it matter??? UNLESS, our place was on the way to wherever they were going, and she didn't want to wait until 10:30 to leave her house.

Because if she wasn't going anywhere, I can't imagine her going out of her way, in bad weather, to drop them off at the exact same time that they were going to be picked up anyway. If she was just staying at her house, 10:30 is 10:30. And she wouldn't go out in those conditions and have to drive all the way back home afterward just "for the kids."

Just making it even more painfully obvious that SHE had somewhere to be, and it had nothing to do with the kids lol She just wanted to be rid of them.

We've lived here 2 years, and she has NEVER driven here to do a pickup/dropoff. She didn't pick the worst weather of the year to be "helpful." LMAO This is what I mean when I say she's so transparent. I'm glad we didn't let her guilt-trip us when it was all about HER HER HER selfish agenda.

miss.a.p1600
12-24-2022, 04:28 PM
^she was desperate lol

Gotta make SURE she’s kid free so she can make her dick appointment! Maybe some dick will calm her down

Dick has NEVER been a solution for me but some people I guess it’s their solution to EVERYTHING

I’d take notes so when she claims she can’t drive, be like “um remember when you drove here last December for a drop off???”

miss.a.p1600
12-24-2022, 04:44 PM
Y’all please forgive me in advance for my endless rants.

I’m on edge bc of the holidays (blowing money/forced social obligations/sex I don’t want to do unless I’m getting compensated/etc), I’m quitting thc for a while so my anxiety is high and my patience is low, I have to do a lot of pretending and acting, and I am totally over it all!!!!

miss.a.p1600
12-24-2022, 05:18 PM
L told his son to be quiet because I am working and this joker starts talking louder.

Look here little boy. I will give you the ass woopin yo parents never gave you and set you straight

Come correct or take your ass back to your moms house!

carmen_b
12-24-2022, 06:09 PM
^ Aurora, I could tell she was chasing some Dong.
Like .... it was ESSENTIAL to change the time lol !
hahaha

miss.a.p1600
12-24-2022, 07:47 PM
L wanted to take his kids to his sister in laws house tonight.

I offered to come after I left work at 8pm but started second guessing it once I realized how there is still ice on the road, they live in the sticks and roads will be bad at night with ice n low visibility, I wanted to chill after work, and regretted agreeing to it. Then I noticed him lingering around and wondering if he was wanting for me to get off work so we could leave together

Ironically he agreed to just go with him and his kids and didn’t hassle me

Thank goodness!!!! They are all loud, adhd, high energy and I didn’t feel like acting nor driving late night bad weather and glad I have the house to myself QUIET for a couple hours

WendiStarr
12-25-2022, 06:41 AM
So, obviously I'm not married to bf so I'm not a stepmom but I met his 13 year old son for the first time and I felt so awkward. He looked like a slightly smaller version of him and I felt like he was just observing me or something because he sat there silently staring at me. Every time I said or did anything I could feel eyes on me and when I looked, he was staring. I got the feeling like he already didn't like me because I'm not his mom. When bf kissed me he went outside. To be fair, my own 13 year old daughter was acting weird too. She hid under a blanket and refused to come out, only peeked at everyone while drawing anime until they both left.

miss.a.p1600
12-25-2022, 09:21 AM
*omg this gives me a chuckle Wendi! Lol!

Kids stay staring ….

Aurora_Sunset
12-25-2022, 10:03 AM
They're gone. Hallelujah.

Admittedly, last night with stepdaughter was more fun than I thought it would be. I got annoyed that they barely ate the food I spent all afternoon cooking, but it's not like I planned the menu or did any shopping (my husband's job gifted him a huge box of pre-made and frozen foods, including a giant ham, that just needed to be unwrapped and stuck in the oven). I also was annoyed that stepdaughter bugged me all day about decorating cookies, then half-ass put frosting and sprinkles on 3 of them, spent more time playing with the frosting than decorating, and then was done.... I'm not doing the cookie thing next year. I always go out of my way to get all these fun toppings, and they have no real interest after 3 minutes.

I feel kinda bad saying "hallelujah," but of course, they were both being buttheads this morning - stepdaughter mostly just not listening and thinking she's being funny/sarcastic, and stepson acting like a shitgibbon when we're trying to get them out the door (what else is new). Sometimes, I feel like telling him that I'd miss him a lot more after they leave if he wasn't such a complete and total asshole during the 30 minutes of packing up and leaving - but his response would probably be, "I don't care" - cuz he's a dick.

I'm just looking forward to enjoying the rest of Christmas now that the obligatory kid stuff is over.

carmen_b
12-25-2022, 02:44 PM
So here's something gross.
N referenced these stockings he was making for his former step kids ( now 18-23 range ) .
Yuck. I guess that means they must be getting together as a " family " .
I hate the fake family vibes with ex's. I'm letting it slide ( probably not ask for details ) but it skeeves me out .
I don't know the extent of things either. Like .... do they all sit for a meal together ( yuck ) or just do a 20 min. gift exchange ( more plateable imo ).

miss.a.p1600
12-25-2022, 09:00 PM
I’m pissed L waited till my only day off to get his kids then guilt trip and back door me into spending more time with him, his kids, his family than I wanted.

I should have faked a legit reason to go out of town.

miss.a.p1600
12-25-2022, 09:18 PM
So here's something gross.
N referenced these stockings he was making for his former step kids ( now 18-23 range ) .
Yuck. I guess that means they must be getting together as a " family " .
I hate the fake family vibes with ex's. I'm letting it slide ( probably not ask for details ) but it skeeves me out .
I don't know the extent of things either. Like .... do they all sit for a meal together ( yuck ) or just do a 20 min. gift exchange ( more plateable imo ).

yeah I personally would not stay in touch with former step kids. Maybe if they’re cool like by phone email or letters every now in then but that’s it. My obligation ends with the relationship

carmen_b
12-25-2022, 10:39 PM
^ Yes I'm currently creeped out because it's making me wonder if they ALL spent all day together or something.
I'm trying not to think about it.
Once two households are created there is never a need for blended anything.
I am creeped by the info he revealed at the snooze fest day time date. I thought he had ben fully " split " a year and signed divorce papers in July. He mentioned they were seeing each other after he moved out. I wonder if maybe they still are.

I'm super frustrated at the moment with N.
Our little sleepover was last Sunday so it's been a full week and he's made zero attempt at creating any snuggle types of vibes.

carmen_b
12-26-2022, 02:08 PM
Disgusting.
So here is my history with N :
I have been seeing him once a week ( with lots of texts, calls, ect. in between ) ! This is a 4-5 week thing. He has his 11 year old daughter two days a week.
Guess what he is doing TODAY ?
He has a hotel room at a nice spot downtown and his ex has one NEXT DOOR to his while they play fake family at a local hotel.
Excuse me while I throw up then accidently " lose " his number ......

miss.a.p1600
12-26-2022, 02:15 PM
^yeah don’t get into another ex wife annoying kid situation if you can help it. Those type of dudes are more delusional than your average entitled male with no kid obligations.



They’re constantly wasting time / tricking off money for another household to the point they have minimal resources left

You just unshackled yourself successful from the ball n chains so stay free. It’s a blessing in disguise

Dude doesn’t sound like he’s making it worth your while to deal with him

carmen_b
12-26-2022, 02:53 PM
^ I am SO disgusted by this !!!
The 24th and 25th imo is enough for the family holiday stuff.

And I feel like an idiot .
He said " I have a hotel room at xyz tonight " and I bet he could HEAR my voice perk up.
Followed by " my ex and daughter are next door " .
BARF.

WHY do I like this guys touch more than ANYONE ? ! ? ! ?

I think that I KNOW I need to cut him out of my life but I'm just sad about it.

miss.a.p1600
12-26-2022, 02:54 PM
Glad dudes kids are up out my house. Their loud ass talking, his son constantly talking and gaming, and their bickering really makes me want to slap tf out of both of their parents for raising them like they have zero home training.

Really pissed L told him if he takes showers here then he needs to clean the shower but keeps letting his lazy ass son walk out of here without cleaning after himself.

I hate lazy trifling kids kids AND their parents.

Can’t wait till I get my own space again.

miss.a.p1600
12-26-2022, 03:26 PM
Carmen I would have hung up in his face the moment I heard him say “ex n daughter next door”

carmen_b
12-26-2022, 03:34 PM
^ I should have.

miss.a.p1600
12-27-2022, 05:42 AM
I’m still reallly disturbed by the holidays and how this asshole tried to shove his agenda down my throat (ride in the same car with him and his loud ass bickering possibly sick kids and go EVERYWHERE with them on my only day if I wanted to be ADULTS only)

I flat out told him I find it unacceptable that he continues to enable his ex wife and allow the bitch to send her kids over EVERY fucking weekend/holiday (unless I pay for a trip out of here which he of course tries to invite himself along).

I of course refused to ride around with him/kids all day. I reached a breaking point of working overtime and wanting ADULT time when I’m off. And he acts willfully obtuse about me working overtime (instead of saying “how can I help you do you don’t have to work overtime” this jerk is pressing for sex and smothering me with his kid obligations when I need a break)

I really can’t wait till I can exit this ball n multiple chains relationship I’m tired of his obligations and being forced to sacrifice nonstop for him and his kids.

It also enrages me that he’s getting a raise and I doubt I’ll be able to reap the benefits because his dumb ass will be obligated to his ex wife and kids first and he has been so stingy lately that I want to be in a relationship where I feel like a priority more often

This Christmas was traumatizing and I am realizing more and more I need my own space, my peace, and my freedom back

Oh and he splurged on electronics (which they’re going to damage or lose within a week or less) and shoes for his kids. While I got cheap lotion and cheap shoes. Clearly could see he spent way more on his kids, bought their gifts first, then got me the last minute left overs.

No worries it just solidifies my rationale for needing to leave this

miss.a.p1600
12-27-2022, 05:55 AM
I also can’t stand his son.

He purposely tries to be passive aggressive when he can’t stay here longer than he wants.

He “forgot” his belongs here when he was supposed to go back to his mothers house forcing l to delay taking him back.

He is CONSTANTLY “forgetting” things and making L waste time driving all around for him.

L is too stupid to see the manipulation

miss.a.p1600
12-27-2022, 05:59 AM
I also got into an argument with L because he barged in on Sunday saying “what do you think about my ex wife wanting the kids to stay here another night”

Bitch! You should already know the answer and no I don’t want your kids lingering here in my ONLY day off - just because that bitch never wants to be around her own kids - you stupid selfish assholes!

Later in I heard his son saying “are we staying another night?” In my mind I’m thinking “are you cleaning up after yourself and taking your ass to sleep at a decent hour and shutting the fuck up/gaming SILENTLY and making yourself USEFUL around here?”

I’m dumbfounded as to why these people think it’s acceptable to keep sloppily scheduling these visits and WTF is his son involved in this decision?!?

miss.a.p1600
12-27-2022, 08:26 PM
Well L mentioned that he wants to have his kids here this weekend while he is at work.

Not only did I have to deal with them being here every weekend and every holiday but now I’m supposed to deal with them while he’s at work earning money that I’ll probably never see.

I hate that he is constantly expecting me to fulfill his weekend parenting time and he is too obtuse to figure out by now (even after telling him multiple times point blank) that I do not want to have his kids here while he is at work

This shit is beyond my pay grade and I while I’m glad he is telling me his intention in advance I am disturbed this dude can’t figure out how to satisfy his parental obligation without making it a burden for me.

No bitch this your YOUR parenting time. Not mine. If you’re at work then they need to stay at Berthas house or go with her family.

carmen_b
12-28-2022, 06:10 PM
https://i.ibb.co/BG8BB4C/2453-CA67-1-D62-4-E30-9502-2-B3304367323.jpg (https://ibb.co/1MHTTsm)

carmen_b
12-28-2022, 06:10 PM
^^ A little sample from N

carmen_b
12-28-2022, 06:13 PM
https://i.ibb.co/kHXxsBz/38-DE6-F8-A-C5-E0-4-EF6-A9-E8-B9180568-EF0-A.jpg (https://ibb.co/f1H2zFZ)

carmen_b
12-28-2022, 08:21 PM
See how smooth he is ?
Ugh ! There's more, it's just a sample.

miss.a.p1600
12-29-2022, 07:19 AM
Well L mentioned that he wants to have his kids here this weekend while he is at work.

Not only did I have to deal with them being here every weekend and every holiday but now I’m supposed to deal with them while he’s at work earning money that I’ll probably never see.

I hate that he is constantly expecting me to fulfill his weekend parenting time and he is too obtuse to figure out by now (even after telling him multiple times point blank) that I do not want to have his kids here while he is at work

This shit is beyond my pay grade and I while I’m glad he is telling me his intention in advance I am disturbed this dude can’t figure out how to satisfy his parental obligation without making it a burden for me.

No bitch this your YOUR parenting time. Not mine. If you’re at work then they need to stay at Berthas house or go with her family.

God I cannot wait till I leave this asshole.

The more stupid and ignorant he acts, the more he tries to please his ex wife and kids first while I consistently get fourth and fifth place make me rage with anger and forced celibacy

I know this sounds really shitty but because I am never consulted BEFOREHAND about his parenting times and this cunt acts like this is fucking Disney land (no chores no bedtimes no responsibility) I loathe when his kids are here and my quality of life decreases every time they’re here and even more when he expects them to stay at this house while he’s at work.

Dickface wakes me up today and is like “hey do you care if my son is here today”

YES bitch I care because *I* am working today and I don’t want him disturbing my workspace peace, I hate how you’re constantly telling me this shit last minute, I hate how you’re planning this shit with your ex wife and kids then I get told what it is then if I object because I wasn’t involved in the plan *Im* the cunt and your storming around pissy.

well this obtuse fool has just put himself into another celibacy cycle. I’m completely turned off by his behavior.

miss.a.p1600
12-29-2022, 07:37 AM
Then to make matters worse the dude is sending his daughter to his relatives house.

Well send BOTH of your damn kids there.

WTF!!!!

Violethollywood
12-29-2022, 08:38 AM
Then to make matters worse the dude is sending his daughter to his relatives house.

Well send BOTH of your damn kids there.

WTF!!!!

right, like why wouldn't you send both kids there? that makes zero fucking sense.

carmen_b
12-29-2022, 09:10 AM
^ Ew. Sorry he is being gross after you hit him over the head with " I'm not comfy with last minute " a million times.
Gross.

Aurora_Sunset
12-29-2022, 10:54 AM
https://i.ibb.co/BG8BB4C/2453-CA67-1-D62-4-E30-9502-2-B3304367323.jpg (https://ibb.co/1MHTTsm)

He sounds very much not over his ex and his grief over the shattered "hopefulness for a shared future."

Not blaming him, but he's clearly not ready to date at all. I wouldn't feed him anymore rebound energy.

miss.a.p1600
12-29-2022, 02:10 PM
right, like why wouldn't you send both kids there? that makes zero fucking sense.

He’s thinking since his son is a teen then it should be “easier” on me than his daughter. And his son *wants* to come over here.

Um NOOO!!!!

first of all STOP letting this kid dictate n run this show!!!!

Secondly I don’t want some overgrown ass male teen with no job lounging around my space, using up my electricities, making messes and not cleaning behind himself (because he’s a boy and he was raised thinking it’s acceptable to messy), gaming all night and talking loud as shit while doing so.

Send BOTH of your damn kids off.

And then his dumb ass wonders why I am not sexually attracted to him. Well because he’s too dumb to get a clue, he is letting his manipulative son run this house, he is too pussy to enforce on his son and trifling ex wife.

These mfs are the biggest burden to my life in 2022

Idiot!!!!

carmen_b
12-29-2022, 02:15 PM
Aurora :

I think your points are valid. Maybe it's something I could ask about.
I'm not sure it's really " not over " as much as just that association of that person being who you once planned a future with. That is why I would NOT see J in person for any reason. I don't like looking at him knowing he didn't fight ect. ! I think N is making a mistake by " holding onto the friendship " like he mentions.

I do have detailed context.
He describes the marriage as sex starved ( like not even twice a month ) and with the helicopter parenting she wouldn't keep kids out of the bed / wouldn't set aside time for him in evening.
He told her he couldn't do it anymore ( 14-16 months ago ) .
Then they " tried " to work on it.
She couldn't envision staying together ( I imagine in part to him saying HE couldn't see it ).
That's the context.

When my 7 year partner wouldn't travel with me and do the digital nomad life / expat thing I started to not " see " a future for us. It felt like I was giving up on him. Then I pivoted and thought I'd FIGHT .
Then HE gave up on ME in Aug. 2018. So I have seen this pattern in my own life.

carmen_b
12-29-2022, 02:19 PM
I like what you said here.

I think so too. It kind of comes down to feeling irritated he isn't stepping up as a bf . I was somewhat happy seeing him and tall teacher concurrently *but* I'd rather he step up. He's known me about 4.5 weeks now and his clock has pretty much run out. I think it's irritating and offensive if a guy gets to know me THIS well ( and he does ..... we talked a lot ) and their thought process is so lackluster in persuit. It's a turn off.
If he isn't making a claim on me as a partner he can watch my work my magic on someone else then.




Not blaming him, but he's clearly not ready to date at all. I wouldn't feed him anymore rebound energy.

carmen_b
12-29-2022, 02:21 PM
It's just stupid to do these " shared " activities .
An hour for gifts on Christmas ? Fine.
20 hours checked into a hotel ? Bad idea.

He needs to go no contact ( at least as much as it possible when still arranging pick ups / drops ) . Two separated households should be having separate celebrations.

I'm just going to tell him I don't like what is occurring ( him not stepping up a bf ) and leave it alone. Whether he gets an earful of a " women date to find a relationship " earful or not remains unknown.