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miss.a.p1600
06-11-2022, 02:13 PM
The " I need quiet " talk went really well .

I was really worried it might piss him off but things were really getting out of control ( in my opinion ) and I wanted to face it before I became more upset.

I think he is on board with :

1. No more of the non-reciprocal playdates. I had to put my foot down HARD on that one too. I really hope he takes this seriously . There are TWO kids I expect to NOT see at the house unless his daughter is OUT somewhere else ( for at least three hours ) with these kids first.

2. He promised to try to give me more notice for any visitors to the house ( so I have more time to book something elsewhere or just prep if I want to leave ). He admitted he actually had more notice on a couple of things and didn't give me as much info as he had.

3. I *think* we are on board with booking his daughter something out of the house at least one time during her 3-4 days stay. That is SUCH a small window but I was treading lightly so I wasn't going to ask for something booked every day. At the end of the talk I just mentioned that I had found a couple 4 hours options I would email to him.

I'm kind of surprised we really had to crack into this after knowing each other SO long but a year of that was covid land.
I never had visitors ( which I loved haha ) !
Then it took until Sept. for his daughter to get the vax and the school year kind of covered us entirely.
That is why it's JUST coming up now.

I really just asked for his help in creating more quiet windows if at all possible and letting me know WHEN those windows would be for planning. I just need him to be more conscious of my mellow environment seeking I guess.

Thats good it went well!

Aurora_Sunset
06-12-2022, 06:58 AM
I admit I'm glad I have a pre-existing reason to be out of town next weekend when my husband agreed to take the kids an extra weekend. It kinda drives me crazy when we do that, because it's never a "swap," where we do 2 weekends in a row because bio-mom has something going on, but then she takes them 2 weeks in a row to even it out and get us back on a regular schedule. We just end up with them 3 weekends in a row, leaving us no adult time to spend together after we both work/go to school so much, while bio-mom gets 3 free weekends in a row to go on vacation and socialize. I know it's probably still considered "fair," since she still has them more than us during the week (though I know a lot of that time is spent at their grandparents), but it still seems unfair of a burden on our limited free time.

He did ask ahead of time, and I agreed to it, 1) because I'll be leaving Friday morning and out of town until Tuesday anyway, so who cares what he does when I'm not here lol, and 2) it's Father's Day, so yeah, I guess it's nice they'll be here for it.

Aurora_Sunset
06-12-2022, 07:14 AM
My step-daughter is driving me crazy. She turns 7 next month, and has suddenly reverted to acting like a 4 y/o who doesn't understand boundaries. In the last 3 weekends she's been here, she's:
-Dumped out an entire new container of kitchen salt (those huge round ones with the pour spout) TWICE (I'm just glad salt is cheap)
-Shoved ice cream into one of the ice trays and stuck it back in the freezer (gross to clean up)
-Wasted a lot of other food (a canister of sprinkles, a half gallon of milk, a box of muffin mix. all 5 of the open flavored coffee creamers in the fridge), making "creations" with no supervision, and that she doesn't even eat
-Taken my nice robe and tied a knot so tight in the belt that I can't undo it
-Gotten in my craft box - which I have told her NUMEROUS times that she is not allowed to take anything from - and stolen a bunch of supplies including 3 tubes of acrylic paint that she used to destroy every single one of our kitchen towels and a pair of my earmuffs, because, oh yeah - she also...
-Got into my winter clothing bag in the closet, took out all my scarves and stuff and had them hidden in her closet
-Got into the wrapping paper in the closet and destroyed it
-Took 2 bottles of sunscreen that she had already had taken away from her once, used up one, and hid them in her closet
-Got up on my bookshelf to take down our Throw Throw Burrito game - which, once again, I had told her NUMEROUS times for WEEKS that she was not allowed to take down because I knew she just wanted to play with the squishy burritos - and proceeded to rip both burritos almost in half and lose most of the cards to the game, so it's useless now
-Take a brand new bottle of all-purpose cleaner (thank god, I sprang for the natural, non-toxic stuff this time) and used 3/4 of the fucking bottle spraying it all over herself and everything in her room - including a giant stuffed animal of MINE that I had been letting her borrow, and now it's basically ruined because how am I supposed to clean that? It doesn't fit in a washing machine.
-Used up almost all of my conditioner and bottle of body wash (both of which were about half full) squirting them ALL over the bottom of the tub - THREE TIMES. I almost slipped and ate shit getting into the shower the first time she did it. I'm still mad as hell about this one.
-Ripped the bows off her tap shoes and left them in her room right before her dance recital last night, and no one realized it until we were at the auditorium, so she was the only one without the bows on her shoes, and her mom was pissed.

I'm trying to tell myself this is probably a normal phase that won't last long. Her brother went through a similar "stealing phase" when he was around the same age that felt like a big deal at the time but probably didn't even last 6 months. I think a lot of kids in the 6-8 y/o age range hit this phase where they KNOW they're supposed to ask before taking things, but they're still kids with poor impulse control who get tired of being told 'no,' so they start to think they can get around it and still get what they want by resorting to taking things when no one is looking and doing whatever they want anyway.

As long as they're caught (which they always are) and punished, it doesn't last forever. It's just REALLY fucking irritating right now. I don't have the money to constantly replace the things she destroys and wastes, and I hate how I feel like I can't have ANYTHING nice around here that's mine without hiding it constantly, because I KNOW she'll steal it and ruin it somehow. We went a period of time when she was 4/5 where we put locks on every door and the fridge and couldn't let her get into anything, because she was just starting to learn about "her stuff vs. other people's stuff" as a toddler. I thought we were past that, and suddenly feeling like we're back there is really frustrating.

carmen_b
06-12-2022, 10:49 AM
^ That’s a TON of clean up.
Can you get her in an activity 4-5 hours on each visit or would he give you push back ?

The rec center near me has things where they do crafts / activities .
NO clean up in your home . :)

I’m glad you have something to do on his “ bonus “ time.

carmen_b
06-12-2022, 10:51 AM
Your partner would need to get on board but the age is around the time to teach to not ruin things. It’s actually a couple years prior but your partner and his ex missed it I guess!
If you break it you buy it.
She can do chores to earn money towards replacing any damaged item.

carmen_b
06-12-2022, 04:12 PM
This weekend has been SO NICE omg ! :)
House to ourselves all weekend long. Super nice date last night. Swoon.

He obviously got some good sexy times hahaha.

I'm kind of making a NOTE here to prove to myself this weekend was amazing in case I start to get into the " oh maybe I should leave " blues mind set mid visit again . I'm trying to NOT go there but still be authentic. If it comes down to it of course it's an option. I should at least give a GOOD effort to mix some quality family time with some solo outings. I am aiming for higher in quality for BOTH . For my own outings I am trying to get out to more galleries and art experiences. I'm considering possibly volunteering for a small live production theatre .

I would say a main complaint about my life is that I just feel so overwhelmed when the house isn't quiet but then there is only so much gym / yoga / going to movies a person can do ha. I need something higher in quality and stimulation because I have about maxed those activities out. It's important to stay ME in this whole process you know ? I don't want my whole life just being a support system for their life.

carmen_b
06-12-2022, 04:16 PM
I'm not going to lie, I am a little nervous for next week due to the length of how long his daughter will be here ( 6 nights starting tomorrow ). It's for a REASON ( big travel for us the following week ) but I tend to get " stuck " mentally sometimes and can't see out of the week in front of me.

The first day ( tomorrow ) I have my AirBnB and they are invited over ( J wanted to go over there ).
I got an art activity kit from the museum near us for that evening.
I'll just kind of take it day by day.
I have a show I can attend in Vegas the 14th which is probably a good reason to get a night away to break up this long stay.

His sister may stay the 15th and 16th. We DID just have our candid talk about how I am hoping he will GET ON BOARD with creating quiet windows for me at the house more consistently . I hope he is just a little more aware that getting everyone OUT even just 2-3 hours is very helpful to me. I hope we do well. I would honestly like to stay somewhere else one of the nights his sister is here but I'm just going to wing it. It's awkward placement because I have to stay in our area the night of the 15th for work reasons. Otherwise I'd just do a three day Vegas trip.

^ I actually might just hack this and do mostly my own stuff 14/15. Such as possibly stay a night in Vegas after my show and then find some thing to do the 15th and not return until evening. If I burn those days on solo things we will still have a lot of the visit still left. I really don't want my patience to run out when the visit is only half way.

miss.a.p1600
06-13-2022, 05:30 AM
L’s sister in law decides to pop up at the house.

Right after I had taken my edible dose and was good and high.

I can’t stand that stupid bitch now. Because this is the second time she’s done this and a third time with her husband.

Look hoe. I don’t pop up at your house so don’t pop up or come to mine unless you are INVITED!

Then I had to be fake nice when I really wanted to kick her monkey ass.

carmen_b
06-15-2022, 06:04 PM
^ Showing up without notice is so rude.

carmen_b
06-15-2022, 06:09 PM
Well ..... 3 days in and some success I guess ?
We stayed at my AirBnB for a change of scenery Monday which I think I was ok with haha .
J sort of was packing the car before I had a chance to say much about it hahaha.

I did a little solo adventure to Vegas and had a blast last night BUT the drive back today was SO painful omg .
I got stuck behind a jam ..... felt like it was taking forever .

So ..... I survived three days so far I guess but mostly by cutting yesterday in half to head out and today arriving back later than I thought.
My friend and I had brunch and before I know it's like 2p.m. oops .

Tomorrow will be day #4 and I'm not melting on day #3 this time but it was because it's been a solo adventure .
I can't always do this leaving town thing every visit.
J is pretty supportive of this stuff but I know there is a line where it could be excessive to him.
I admittedly don't know exactly where the line is.

carmen_b
06-15-2022, 06:18 PM
I'm not thrilled with the following :

1. I think instead of the long visit being the 13th at Noon to the 19th at Noon he is now offering to bring his daughter with us ( staying near an airport for our trip ) the evening of the 19th. There is logic to it ( she has family in the area ) and it's fathers day but potentially it expands this visit to the 19th at 8:30 P.M .
I'd would prefer he just stick to what we said awhile ago but I'm not going to pick over this.
I am worried about my patience being super thin and then having to do this packing thing all together and the car ride together.
I was looking forward to leaving town with just the two of us.

2. I think he has not booked his daughter anything to do out of the house tomorrow or Friday which would have been a perfect way to break up this long visit and give the two of us even a few day time hours together. It is Wed. at 7:15p.m. so if he was arranging it I'd assume I'd have the day/time ? He in the past has not been thrilled if there is too much of a non-sexual window. I would say that creating a window of time would bring the *option* there ...... why not create the window ? We would obviously use it if it was literally the only three hours we had in 6 days .

Ok ..... admittedly ( in relation to #2 ) I wasn't feeling intimacy vibes the 3rd night of last weekend that we had together. The other two days were GREAT but I hate feeling that calendar related pressure if that makes sense. I don't think I should be responsible for it ! He needs to create windows where she is out of the house if the longer " without " times bother him. Getting up to sexy stuff tomorrow for example might be possibly downstairs but our set up is not ideal in the downstairs area haha. I'll try to keep thoughts on this brief.

carmen_b
06-16-2022, 12:57 PM
^ I got news of a play date tomorrow ....

..... It's AT THE FRIENDS HOUSE ! :)

Good boy J.
Your reward awaits ......

carmen_b
06-16-2022, 06:15 PM
^ As soon as I got the times I made a two hour window for J. :)

carmen_b
06-16-2022, 06:20 PM
We did end up watching a movie together last Monday and it was pleasant ( at the AirBnB ) .
It was paddington.
It's hard to find one that isn't painful for me so others might like it too.

I still struggle sometimes in that 7-8 p.m. range haha and it's 7:15 now.
At times it just seems really excessive to have an hour of watching shows .
Today is one day I am really not bothered but I know it's a triggering time frame for me.
I feel like at some point ( maybe soon ? ) he should start to ask " do you want to do a 30 min. show with me and then read by yourself OR just watch TV ?" ...... or something to indicate it's ok to break away and wind down solo part of the time also. I feel like they do this elaborate routine mostly out of just sheer habit and then at what point does it end ? Is she going to be 14 and in high school and waiting at 7p.m. for a full hour of TV with him ?

It's something I just find " eh " at times and I hate not having a " ok when it this more minimal " time frame.

Today it's not bothering me much because I have little online things to do and of course get my SW time in. :)

carmen_b
06-16-2022, 06:53 PM
Only those IN this situation will get this !
She turned the bath tub knob herself today to start the bath.
This is something that has been annoying me for about a year I'd say ha.
Like ..... a year ago J shouldn't have had to supervise the bath stuff or run water but .... hey .... I'll take it .
She's 9.5 so this is late but it's a nice thing anyway.

carmen_b
06-16-2022, 09:06 PM
Ok he’s being weird haha.

I must have asked three times now for the July schedule ( tactfully spaced a few days apart ).

Dude... what ya hidin in this damn schedule?
I know you are traveling for work so I’m well aware your ex is supposed to have a couple more days in the month on work trip months. It will be pretty kid heavy when we are in town I think even with her doing 16 days and us 14 . I’m fine with it I realize it’s travel related !

Anyway ... not sure why this July info is being withheld.

His trip is like 6 days in the middle of July .
Its his first business one I can’t go on ( my business is booked throughout that week ).
It’s a bummer I can’t go but we knew it would happen someday !

Damn sorry for my novellas today! I had so much to say haha.

miss.a.p1600
06-16-2022, 10:25 PM
Really about to lose my damn mind with this fucking summer schedule and L’s work schedule.

The weekends he only has one day off is when those kids via Bertha bitch is pressuring him the most.

Look here assholes! Two days/two nights MAXIMUM and only during the summer will I make a concession.

You overgrown crumbsnatchers will not be lounging around this house like you own it (unless you have jobs and pay bills) if me and L are working. Go lounge around your moms house.

If anyone is lounging around here it’s gonna be ME

This is my territory!!!!!

carmen_b
06-17-2022, 07:54 AM
^ Stick to your guns.
If he has one day off he has one day then to parent OR he can get a family member to watch them during his shift .
The go to does not have to be you.

I’ve kept my work hours precise.
This is because there is just no good reason that we ( personally ) should need to entertain his child during these hours.
If she isn’t signed up for things it’s a good time to learn to be independent ( do projects ect ). We can all hang out after 5pm.

carmen_b
06-17-2022, 01:38 PM
He got two BJ's and some sex.
I didn't explicitly say that I'd reward IF he started running everything exactly how I wanted.
It was a nice reward for us both and it happened to occur WHEN everything ran exactly as I wanted hahaha.

carmen_b
06-17-2022, 01:48 PM
The quiet duration in the house is roughly 11-4!

carmen_b
06-17-2022, 07:41 PM
Well I'd call today a success. :)
Now the play date ratio with those folks is 2 to our house and 1 to theirs.

SO they owe us only one now haha and got moved a few pegs down to mid level on my shit list.
They don't have the top spot anymore.
Excellent work folks ! See you CAN have manners !

miss.a.p1600
06-18-2022, 05:26 AM
He got two BJ's and some sex.
I didn't explicitly say that I'd reward IF he started running everything exactly how I wanted.
It was a nice reward for us both and it happened to occur WHEN everything ran exactly as I wanted hahaha.


i know the feeling….
i think men sometimes are not the sharpest tools in the shed. How hard is it to understand that you will get what you want after I get what I want?

Keep being militant if you want to …… then find yourself single and sexless so fast your head will spin

miss.a.p1600
06-18-2022, 05:37 AM
^ Stick to your guns.
If he has one day off he has one day then to parent OR he can get a family member to watch them during his shift .
The go to does not have to be you.

I’ve kept my work hours precise.
This is because there is just no good reason that we ( personally ) should need to entertain his child during these hours.
If she isn’t signed up for things it’s a good time to learn to be independent ( do projects ect ). We can all hang out after 5pm.

‘This is the thing I hate about Bertha and L is that they coddle these kids so much they act like they have no friends or family’s houses to go to.

Look here bitches it’s call ‘spend the night at grandmas, aunties, fucking whoever…..but not here’

I offered to let berth drop those kids off here while L is at work (and entertain them for a few hours) only because I avoided them last weekend when Bertha was pushing them over here while I believe his daughter was still sick. His daughter left early because she wasn’t getting attention and didn’t want to play by herself.

i think Bertha refused to drop them off because she likes L doing the free Uber work driving all around using his resources…..

oh well. I didn’t want to give her or those kids the idea that they can come over here when he isn’t here. If his parenting time ends up being one day a week because of work then it is what it is.

if Bertha needs a break she can sign them up for camp or send them to grandmas house.

‘’and I wish his son would stop pushing boundaries and asking to stay here longer than 2 days. Look kid you are NOT living here. You need to stay where you belong……with your mom!

carmen_b
06-18-2022, 06:27 AM
^ It sounds like you are sticking to your guns and he isn't bringing them more than two days lately !

That is really nice of you to let her drop them a few hours before his shift ends !

See .... in my situation I have never met his ex and I don't communicate with her at all. It was just always the way it was done AND it works for me because I really don't want to ( saves me time ). J does everything pick up / schedule related. So ..... if he is not here ..... his daughter wouldn't be here either!

carmen_b
06-18-2022, 06:31 AM
I would say M - F went pretty well. Especially Friday when J finally worked with me and created the break .
I don't really agree with what he is planning to do today ( bring some kids here for the pool ) but oh well I'm super busy.
I really need the whole day anyway to prep for this trip.

What I am really " eh " about is that tomorrow at Noon was *supposed* to be the day we left town solo to start our travels.
He changed it to having his daughter join the first 8 hours. I am just kind of asking the universe that her Mom will feel inspired and want her back tomorrow at Noon haha v.s. coming with us.
Maybe they ( her and her Mom ) will want to start their trip a little earlier !
I didn't want to speak up because it seemed like it could upset him since it's fathers day.

carmen_b
06-18-2022, 07:25 AM
So .... I think I might pack up and get on the road tonight haha.

Am I awful for doing this ?
My friend with a guest room where my dog would be staying on the trip would have no problem if I arrived late tonight and crashed there. Then I could start tomorrow with the some self care ( like maybe pop into a spa or something ) while J makes his way over.

^ The above plan would be really nice because I hate that phase of " gathering " stuff where everyone is in each others way packing up. I could do my prep today and get moving and then be gone for their trip prep tomorrow.

miss.a.p1600
06-18-2022, 06:17 PM
^ It sounds like you are sticking to your guns and he isn't bringing them more than two days lately !

That is really nice of you to let her drop them a few hours before his shift ends !

See .... in my situation I have never met his ex and I don't communicate with her at all. It was just always the way it was done AND it works for me because I really don't want to ( saves me time ). J does everything pick up / schedule related. So ..... if he is not here ..... his daughter wouldn't be here either!

Thanks to you and the ladies here that helped me realize if I’m feeling uncomfortable about something it’s most likely rational and he’s being a forceful male privileged bonehead.

It is hard because it’s the summer and their dumbass parents haven’t planned anything for them except being home alone and going to summer school because they’re on the cusp of falling behind academically.

I don’t talk to Bertha either. We both offered it but he declined. I halfway think men have a fear the women will get together and talk trash about the dude leaving him sexless and single all in a 15 min conversation. They’d rather keep a fake mystery and make themselves indirectly look more desirable

Anyways they’re here and I CANNOT WAIT until they go back to Bertha’s house.

carmen_b
06-18-2022, 06:30 PM
^ I've always wondered that too !
Like .... if I did communicate .... maybe I'd get tip offs or something ! Ha.

I have pretty much had it.

I wanted to sleep in my own bed but I'm most likely still driving myself AND doing it early so I can goof around.
I just had it in my mind for a couple weeks that our time started tomorrow at Noon. :/

miss.a.p1600
06-20-2022, 07:22 AM
L’s kids just left. Thank goodness.

Turns out Bertha did not want to drop her kids off here because she knew I was here and didn’t want to come to this house because she’s allegedly triggered by him having a new life without her.

Okay whatever. Next time you can drop your kids off at his job and let him bring them to the house when he get off work at 8pm.

I wish I could reclaim my extra 3.5 hours

Then his son, boundary presser #1, asked to stay longer LAST MINUTE since it’s a holiday for him. I reluctantly agreed but told L they need to be in bed on time so we can wake up for work and take them back. Discovered his son stayed up all night, ate food in his room after I told him no food after I clean the kitchen, left food in the sink for possible bugs, then took his sweet time getting up this morning and L most likely was late to work this morning.

I’ll be putting my foot down in the future that they need to go back home that afternoon or early evening.

L tried for sex but since he last minute allowed his son to press the boundaries and make it hard for everyone, and didn’t feel like having to be “the bad guy” to his boundary pushing kids, I declined his request for sex.

miss.a.p1600
06-21-2022, 03:39 AM
Not going to lie - I feel like 80% of our issues revolve around that ex wife and those kids and I wish I could have just taken my family members suggestion (used him as a boy toy) then circle back after his kids were grown.

Most times I feel like I’m not cut out to deal with other peoples exes or kids.

miss.a.p1600
06-21-2022, 07:02 AM
L’s kids just left. Thank goodness.

Turns out Bertha did not want to drop her kids off here because she knew I was here and didn’t want to come to this house because she’s allegedly triggered by him having a new life without her.

Okay whatever. Next time you can drop your kids off at his job and let him bring them to the house when he get off work at 8pm.

I wish I could reclaim my extra 3.5 hours

Then his son, boundary presser #1, asked to stay longer LAST MINUTE since it’s a holiday for him. I reluctantly agreed but told L they need to be in bed on time so we can wake up for work and take them back. Discovered his son stayed up all night, ate food in his room after I told him no food after I clean the kitchen, left food in the sink for possible bugs, then took his sweet time getting up this morning and L most likely was late to work this morning.

I’ll be putting my foot down in the future that they need to go back home that afternoon or early evening.

L tried for sex but since he last minute allowed his son to press the boundaries and make it hard for everyone, and didn’t feel like having to be “the bad guy” to his boundary pushing kids, I declined his request for sex.

L complaining today about how he didn’t have sex on Fathers Day.

Bruh you sprung a last minute change of plans on me and decided to keep your kids an extra overnight when you initially said you would take them back that evening. YOU forfeit your sexy times. I’m not sucking and fucking someone who can’t stick to a schedule and makes it harder for me then acts clueless.

Idiot!

carmen_b
06-21-2022, 09:28 PM
^ Haha. That day is between you and your KIDS lol !!

miss.a.p1600
06-24-2022, 09:12 AM
Ls family invited me to their kids birthday party.

He whined like a bitch and said “hmmm I wonder why they didn’t invite my daughter?”

Whatever the reason I’m glad they didn’t so I wasn’t pressured to do step motherly duties when I wanted to just do me.

carmen_b
06-24-2022, 11:41 AM
Damn

4 days into this 8 day break and on vacation. :)

Sure is nice !
All of it haha kid break included.
Don’t tell J. That’s between us haha.

miss.a.p1600
06-25-2022, 06:39 AM
^L is working 7 days straight.

I hope he sticks to it and doesn’t take any days off so I have have a week or two free from the obligation of his kids

miss.a.p1600
06-26-2022, 07:13 AM
I’m really having a hard time dealing with his kids and ex wife.

Rather than just forgo his parenting days if he’s working that weekend. He will double and triple up the days the following weekend. Which is annoying af because it’s more days consecutively after enjoying my break from them.

I wished those kids hated me so much they’d never want to come over and just stay with their mom and he would just pay his child support to her and call it a day.

Anyways I’m planning my exit out. And I can’t wait till I’m free from these endless obligations. I’m just going to make a plan to be gone WED - Saturday. Head on over to Sugar Daddy Central. Hopefully he will be so bogged down with those needy ass kids I’ll have some freedom to leave out and do what tf I want to do.

carmen_b
06-26-2022, 11:52 AM
^ So he is working a double a certain day in order to get a day with them ?
That actually reads as pretty sweet and kind of him ( taking the initiative to not miss his days ).
BUT ..... I totally know what you mean in feeling overwhelm with all of it.
Oh .... I see ... maybe he is taking *extra* days after this 7 day work batch instead of just doing the 48 hour visit?

Personally .... I think you'll be happier when you wrap this up because he has made it SO hard.
All he needed to do was get organized and this could have been half the challenge that is was.
Just having the kids is a huge challenge already but he has made it overly difficult.

carmen_b
06-26-2022, 11:59 AM
J was on this kick to take his daughter on a business trip mid July ( I'm working and cant go ) and at first I was like " omg NO you can NOT risk your work doing this " . Then I came around to the idea because I realized if they traveled alone for 6 days that meant house to myself four of those plus then the entire month of July she would only be AT the house 7-8 days factoring the trip in.

BUT ..... whomp whomp ....... the tickets are so stupidly over priced so I may end up the opposite of the plan.
I'll only get J 24 days in July and 15 of them may be with his daughter here. Basically ..... at the house we won't even have a 50% ratio of " us " days given his trip that I can't join. I will just take the knowledge a week at a time haha. :/

I shouldn't worry about that though haha ! We are still in Hawaii.
We are going to the zoo to see some cute animal faces ( his idea lol ) and will probably swim again in the ocean omg . Yum !

I should clarify ... it just seems like we had more than our share of days in June . I’m pretty sure we did but I kind of lost track. So I just wouldn’t have minded a light break in July . I came back to add that hoping I didn’t sound terrible before.

miss.a.p1600
06-26-2022, 05:37 PM
^ So he is working a double a certain day in order to get a day with them ?
That actually reads as pretty sweet and kind of him ( taking the initiative to not miss his days ).
BUT ..... I totally know what you mean in feeling overwhelm with all of it.
Oh .... I see ... maybe he is taking *extra* days after this 7 day work batch instead of just doing the 48 hour visit?

Personally .... I think you'll be happier when you wrap this up because he has made it SO hard.
All he needed to do was get organized and this could have been half the challenge that is was.
Just having the kids is a huge challenge already but he has made it overly difficult.


Then today he’s whining like a bitch talking about “I miss my kids”

I guess because they’re hounding him about not getting them this weekend and having to wait until Wed/Thurs

I told him “okay cool if you want to see them. Get up and take them somewhere - ANYWHERE BUT THIS HOUSE (I’m not allowing him and those kids to trick me into doing last minute uncompensated childcare)”

He suddenly goes silent.

miss.a.p1600
06-26-2022, 05:46 PM
^ So he is working a double a certain day in order to get a day with them ?
That actually reads as pretty sweet and kind of him ( taking the initiative to not miss his days ).
BUT ..... I totally know what you mean in feeling overwhelm with all of it.
Oh .... I see ... maybe he is taking *extra* days after this 7 day work batch instead of just doing the 48 hour visit?

Personally .... I think you'll be happier when you wrap this up because he has made it SO hard.
All he needed to do was get organized and this could have been half the challenge that is was.
Just having the kids is a huge challenge already but he has made it overly difficult.

Great for him and those kids IF he takes them OUT and not bring them back to this house unless it’s PLANNED parenting time.

I wish he’d get this through his thick skull!

I will say he’s gotten better at letting me know when they’re coming over but it usually happens after I have to rant about him getting too loose with the “unplanned” parenting

carmen_b
06-26-2022, 08:16 PM
^ It’s nasty behavior to allow a partner to think they would get peace and quiet and then surprise .... no !
Ha.
Peace around here = plenty of attention haha!

That play date ratio better be even further evened out coming into July !
Our house = NOT the gathering place.
I mean... it’s fine.., if it is EVEN.
The Witch,
C

miss.a.p1600
06-27-2022, 04:52 AM
^ It’s nasty behavior to allow a partner to think they would get peace and quiet and then surprise .... no !
Ha.
Peace around here = plenty of attention haha!

That play date ratio better be even further evened out coming into July !
Our house = NOT the gathering place.
I mean... it’s fine.., if it is EVEN.
The Witch,
C

It IS nasty! He’s constantly saying dumb shit like “unexpected things happen when you’re dealing with kids”

um no asshole! Unexpected things happening every weekend because you can’t plan your parenting time effectively if your life depended on it and you allow those kids to push boundaries, you are operating from a place of divorced Dad guilt, and you’re too scared to say NO when they need to be told no!

He also thinks I just love his kids as much as he does and willing to self sacrifice for them like he does.

Nah bruh. Me self sacrificing for your kids is below my pay grade.

You want to see your kids. Fine see them how often you want but go to berthas house, go to the movies, better yet go to the library. STOP bring them to this damn house and leaving them here all damn day.

I refuse to be a unpaid camp counselor. Should have signed them up for a camp so they won’t be clinging off us this week.

I can’t wait till I don’t have to deal with L’s annoying baggage.

That’s good your play date ratio is evening out.

miss.a.p1600
06-29-2022, 03:46 AM
I’m dreading L’s kids coming over.

First of all it’s during a weekday that I need the house for work (I don’t want to see mfs lounging around while I’m working from home and I guess I’m going to have to pay for an office day pass if they don’t agree to leave the house during my working hours 3p-8p). Would I be a dick telling him to take his kids anywhere but this house and give him a few bucks to convince him? Or should I just buy an office day pass?

Secondly L made such a big deal about them doing chores when they come over that I feel “mean” asking them to do chores. Best believe I will be demanding they do chores anyways.

Thirdly (what burns me up) is how he goes straight from work to pick them up then waits until the morning of his workday to take them back. The whole time they’re complaining about how early it is and how tired they are and how they want to stay longer. I said something to him about it as a suggested but I think he is going to keep doing it his ineffective way. How do I tell him (or should I put my foot down?) that I think he should take them back the night before his work shift?

He runs around like a chicken with his head cut off that morning and I can’t oversee them cleaning up EVERYTHING they used as easily when they’re scrambling in the morning before he heads to work vs the afternoon/evening before when it’s more chill.

I hate how they’re literally trying to squeeze every hour out (I heard his whiny daughter complaining once “we haven’t even been here 24 hours”) regardless of how inefficient it is to straight from work right into childcare and vice versa.

I really feel like “disappearing” / renting a hotel for these next two days and magically reappear after they’ve left just so I won’t have to deal with any of them.

carmen_b
06-29-2022, 09:00 AM
^ Get the office pass ! Why not ?
I don't think you should need to leave *every* time but this time , why not just pop into an office space ?

Just my take.

I think he is seeing the effect of his lack of precision and not doing his schedule well.
J's daughter doesn't whine like that because she knows ahead of time that she comes here at 10:30a.m. and goes back to her moms about 10:30 a.m. to start the days with her mom.
A lack of structure really throws kids off . It's a bummer L won't listen to anyone about that. :/
Basically whatever he does .... they should know the exact hours at least a week ahead.
They KNOW and then the anxiety goes away about it.

carmen_b
06-29-2022, 09:05 AM
^ Honestly .... leaving town for a nearby place for a little self care get away seems fine to me. You could pull it off with just one night in a hotel . Try to check in early around 1 and then find a nice office or co-working space the next day. One night in a hotel can get you two solo days really ( just linger and return around 8 p.m. )!

If there is a strip club pop in for a mini night shift or little day shift haha.

carmen_b
06-29-2022, 09:07 AM
^ I say that but also admit I got a talking to from my partner about him wanting me to be a little more involved which I admit is pretty valid ( it has been two years after all ).

We are working on some ideas and I'll come back and expand on some things.

miss.a.p1600
06-29-2022, 09:30 AM
The problem he will tell his kids ahead of time but his daughter acts like a complete nut job if ANYTHING doesn’t go to plan.

One time he told her “I’m coming to pick you up x days” but then her brother and her both got sick and she could not get past her thick skull that when people are sick they need to stay where they are vs being out and spreading pathogens.

He needs to teach her how to taper her expectations. So unfortunately they have to be told last minute because the daughter is not mentally equipped for plans deviating because of extenuating circumstances

It’s been two years for me as well. L probably wishes I would be more involved but unless I have the resources (time, money, energy) then I would rather not do his job for him especially if I’m not getting compensated

carmen_b
06-29-2022, 09:43 AM
We had a talk ( that I honestly knew was coming ) at the beginning of the vacation about his feelings that I just need to be more involved.
I admitted that I took the " stepping back " thing a little too far .

I think a big element for me is that I just find the visits that are more than three days exhausting.
I definitely need a " me " chunk of time on each visit really but I can admittedly can probably do a 4-5 hour chunk instead of 6-8 .
:/

Where there are certain things triggering for me ( extra people in the house is the main one ) for him there are certain triggers too.
He misses the element of having " family " time. We do at some level ( always at least a couple outings per each visit ) but it could be admittedly be a little more well thought out .
I knew the convo was coming. I just didn't expect it to come out after just a few drinks the first day of our vacation ! We talk very openly. He is ok with me for example leaving a couple of days during the longer visits but he feels triggered if I'm just upstairs with the door closed ( my preferred way to work as I don't like people walking by or hearing any ambient noise ). SO .... we are working though some things. I can leave for the day to work somewhere else for example which would probably be more comfy to him than being here but having the door closed 7.5 hours out of the 8 hour work day.

I think the summer is bringing up some things.
He didn't run the schedule the way I'm used to seeing (growing up). I am just not used to seeing kids being allowed to be home all day ( it was extremely rare in my family that the kids were not out doing something 5-6 hours over the summer time frames on days my parents worked M - F ).

I feel frustrated he didn't do a summer fun type of sign up but he said " my goal isn't to just get rid of her during the day " .
I then backed off of the issue. I look at it differently. Her life could be enriched by going to one of these programs even just a couple times a week. He SHOULDN'T feel guilty about that. It's also ok for the adults to fully focus on their work. I found one that was a 4 hour block for example. I definitely think J is often caught in guilt . His job doesn't seem to suffer from the multi - tasking. I mean summer is only 5-6 more weeks at this point. I just prefer our routine from last summer. I found her an activity M - F from 9a.m. - noon and then her mom found her one from 1-4 p.m. last year. So it required me to do a couple drives in the day ( it took about 12 minutes one way ) so it wasn't an extreme impact on J's work day from driving . I preferred THAT to what is happening this year.

I think he feels disappointed in knowing that his financial impact on my life didn't automatically equal extra time given to family stuff. Instead of giving 10 hours during my business hours ( which I actually DO have available now ) ........ I just wanted to keep the expectation as just a " couple hours " of impact during the M - F 9-5 range if that makes sense. I know his daughter is old enough to understand too that if we are hanging out and I need to takes a sales call she just needs to entertain herself during that time. I still worry though and prefer to work in a fully focused way. I don't fully trust her yet that she won't knock on the door. I am not really joking when I say that I still have covid ptsd from my business dying in 2020-2021. I made it through by a thread and some luck but keeping the savings account growing in 2022 is my main hobby. :)

smeca
06-29-2022, 01:01 PM
^^ I cannot get my head round being unhappy about you working in a room with the door closed? It sounds like you guys are great at working it out though. My bf is the opposite, he had her over for a week once while i was going to be working at home M-F, but he had to go into work one of those days. He just said all I had to do was make her a sandwich at lunch, and we both stayed in our rooms with our doors closed lol.
I'm the opposite in that I'd rather have heard she was doing something, she's got musical instruments and a bike here but not sure how much she was practising. A whole day must feel like so long to a kid, time seems slow for them.

carmen_b
06-29-2022, 01:16 PM
^ Id just prefer she is out at an activity a couple of the days even if it’s just 4 hours.
She is on a wait list for one starting in July. :)

I think from his perspective he just didn’t get a lot of time during Nov - end of May.
We only had two Sunday’s per month then Mon - Wed
So with school it was really only 3:30p.m.-8p.m. she was here factoring bed time at 8.
I don’t blame him for trying to squeeze extra time I just worry it could affect our / his work .

I don't think I should get on the naughty list even if they don't see me at all M - F 9-5.
Even though technically I don't use every hour in that range for work ..... I hope to !
I hope to get so busy in that time frame that I am using every hour and then get to bring an assistant back on.

He is better at multi tasking than me.