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miss.a.p1600
06-29-2022, 05:46 PM
We had a talk ( that I honestly knew was coming ) at the beginning of the vacation about his feelings that I just need to be more involved.
I admitted that I took the " stepping back " thing a little too far .

I think a big element for me is that I just find the visits that are more than three days exhausting.
I definitely need a " me " chunk of time on each visit really but I can admittedly can probably do a 4-5 hour chunk instead of 6-8 .
:/

Where there are certain things triggering for me ( extra people in the house is the main one ) for him there are certain triggers too.
He misses the element of having " family " time. We do at some level ( always at least a couple outings per each visit ) but it could be admittedly be a little more well thought out .
I knew the convo was coming. I just didn't expect it to come out after just a few drinks the first day of our vacation ! We talk very openly. He is ok with me for example leaving a couple of days during the longer visits but he feels triggered if I'm just upstairs with the door closed ( my preferred way to work as I don't like people walking by or hearing any ambient noise ). SO .... we are working though some things. I can leave for the day to work somewhere else for example which would probably be more comfy to him than being here but having the door closed 7.5 hours out of the 8 hour work day.

I think the summer is bringing up some things.
He didn't run the schedule the way I'm used to seeing (growing up). I am just not used to seeing kids being allowed to be home all day ( it was extremely rare in my family that the kids were not out doing something 5-6 hours over the summer time frames on days my parents worked M - F ).

I feel frustrated he didn't do a summer fun type of sign up but he said " my goal isn't to just get rid of her during the day " .
I then backed off of the issue. I look at it differently. Her life could be enriched by going to one of these programs even just a couple times a week. He SHOULDN'T feel guilty about that. It's also ok for the adults to fully focus on their work. I found one that was a 4 hour block for example. I definitely think J is often caught in guilt . His job doesn't seem to suffer from the multi - tasking. I mean summer is only 5-6 more weeks at this point. I just prefer our routine from last summer. I found her an activity M - F from 9a.m. - noon and then her mom found her one from 1-4 p.m. last year. So it required me to do a couple drives in the day ( it took about 12 minutes one way ) so it wasn't an extreme impact on J's work day from driving . I preferred THAT to what is happening this year.

I think he feels disappointed in knowing that his financial impact on my life didn't automatically equal extra time given to family stuff. Instead of giving 10 hours during my business hours ( which I actually DO have available now ) ........ I just wanted to keep the expectation as just a " couple hours " of impact during the M - F 9-5 range if that makes sense. I know his daughter is old enough to understand too that if we are hanging out and I need to takes a sales call she just needs to entertain herself during that time. I still worry though and prefer to work in a fully focused way. I don't fully trust her yet that she won't knock on the door. I am not really joking when I say that I still have covid ptsd from my business dying in 2020-2021. I made it through by a thread and some luck but keeping the savings account growing in 2022 is my main hobby. :)

Lol as I read this while his kids just landed here *joy* and I’m in my room with the door closed.

Im kind of feeling something similar. L doesn’t have his kids in camps so there probably going to be here all damn day during the week. I also don’t understand why working parents don’t do camp’s especially if it’s safe and affordable.

carmen_b
06-30-2022, 09:34 AM
^ Yes, the one I found for July was was $80 for TWO 4 hour blocks each week.
It goes 3 weeks at two sessions per week.
Even if she only used it one time per week it was SO worth it !

Next year, I might just do these sign ups in March and pay for it.
:/

miss.a.p1600
06-30-2022, 10:37 AM
Im tempted to leave some summer camp / aftercare flyers sprinkled around the house.

Do you think he will get the point? Men are dumb so probably not.

He’s taking his daughter out with him while he runs errands (as he should and quit expecting me to do his job for him) and I have a couple hours in the house to myself.

I told him I’m working today. I am. But I did day trading so I already made my money this morning. I’m going to make sure to be gone when they all get back to this house.

He needs to understand that if he has these kids during the workweek for me. Then I will unavailable. I might give them an hour or two on Friday evening then if he takes them back on Saturday morning (instead of Friday night like I suggested) I’ll be sleeping in AND I will cold shoulder him the rest of the weekend.

Yeah go ahead and run yourself into the ground dealing with these kids but don’t expect me to go along with you. I’m too pretty to burden myself with uncompensated childcare.

carmen_b
06-30-2022, 10:40 AM
^ I have done that. i have a recreation center one open and the July things circled and sitting out right now.
A flyer from the library is out too ( but those only cover like 90 min ).

I think this is just one of things that we simply don't agree on.
I don't want to upset my partner by being too pushy on it but I definitely don't agree with how he has run the schedule this summer.

I called the recreation center today and told the lady " if you happen to get a cancellation call me and I'll book it right away ".

I don't think J is opposed to these things per say but he is not willing to put in the leg work to find / book .

miss.a.p1600
06-30-2022, 10:46 AM
^ Yes, the one I found for July was was $80 for TWO 4 hour blocks each week.
It goes 3 weeks at two sessions per week.
Even if she only used it one time per week it was SO worth it !

Next year, I might just do these sign ups in March and pay for it.
:/

Yes start early next summer. So you can make sure she has a spot. If you removed the barriers (the cost and the travel to/from camp) there is no reason he should say no. However if I were you I would make sure he reimbursed me/compensate (doesn’t necessarily have to be financial) for the efforts.

I was just thinking he probably would rather pay for the travel trips than to pay for the kid camps. Could be why he’s shuffling his feet about it.

L and his ex wife are too trifling and poverty minded to sign their kids up for camps. I told him about many free camps or applying for tuition stipends and first thing out of his stupid mouth “who is going to take them there?” Well asshole if I was offered something FREE that other people are paying for I’d just figure out the logistics. Plus THIS is a prime reason you don’t procreate with broke/barely average salary men because they can’t afford adequate provisions for their kids. L wonders why I don’t want kids with him now because he can barely figure out how to do what’s most beneficial for the ones he already has.

The only thing I can do to avoid my time being sucked up as a free camp counselor is to do solo travel for work. Enrich myself and free myself!

miss.a.p1600
06-30-2022, 02:28 PM
Looks like L is off again Sunday and Monday.

I will avoid all their asses this holiday if I have to deal with them 5 days in a row.

I really hope they bug the shit out of him and he wears himself down and doesn’t host them overnight at our house another 2 extra days.

I’m going to head out to Sugar Daddy Headquarters if he does.

miss.a.p1600
06-30-2022, 03:29 PM
24 hrs in and I haven’t even seen them but I’m already ready for them to bounce.

I found this site called www.remarriedwithchildren.org and they have free step parent support group. Every 3rd Monday of the month. Next one is July 4 at 10am pst

I’m going to register for my sanity.

carmen_b
06-30-2022, 03:39 PM
^ I’ll be totally straight .

I noticed this upcoming visit is 5 days.
I’m headed to my cabin up north tomorrow for 3 of them.

It isn't just to break up the visit but I'm also dying in this heat ( it's a lot in gas to get there too ).
The timing makes sense.
I told him I'd come back by the 4th evening to do fireworks with them which hopefully is a good gesture.

miss.a.p1600
06-30-2022, 07:27 PM
I come back to the house at 8pm.

L is acting like a little pissy passive aggressive bitch. Laying in the bed in the dark and barely saying anything. (I guess because I stayed out during the day to finish work and run errands vs. staying holed up in that house with him and his kids)

His kids are in their rooms talking loud as fuck annoying the hell out of me.

God I can’t wait till he is back to work and they go back to their mom

carmen_b
06-30-2022, 07:31 PM
^ He just doesn't seem to get it does he ?
Provide a peaceful environment and all will be well.

I would buy them some movies tickets for their next visit and tell him when they will be leaving the house to go catch the flick haha.

Maybe trade quiet for blow jobs like I do lol ?
It is honestly a fair deal as I FUCKING LOVE QUIET ! :)
I mean .... I didn't say outright or put it in writing but after he got the play date moved to the other house ..... I am pretty sure he gets my drift and there is more where that came from.

I would try it :
" L , get your kids out of the house for 5 hours tomorrow I promise I'll suck that D " hahahaha !

miss.a.p1600
06-30-2022, 07:35 PM
^honestly he tried to help and left in the morning and didn’t come back to the house until 2pm. I guess he expects me to be off all damn day because he’s off too. I still wanted my 3-6ish to myself.

I told him upfront. I get this is your parenting time but it’s a weekday so I’m going to take my work hours.

He really pisses me off trying to push his agenda on me. What benefit is there for me to sit around this house and be smothered by him and his loud needy kids?

Sometimes sex doesn’t work on him. I tried to initiate intimacy because I was glad to have a 10 day break from his kids. But When he gets into his real pissy moods he doesn’t consent.

carmen_b
06-30-2022, 07:42 PM
^ That’s good he did get out for a bit !

miss.a.p1600
07-01-2022, 04:18 AM
^ I’ll be totally straight .

I noticed this upcoming visit is 5 days.
I’m headed to my cabin up north tomorrow for 3 of them.

It isn't just to break up the visit but I'm also dying in this heat ( it's a lot in gas to get there too ).
The timing makes sense.
I told him I'd come back by the 4th evening to do fireworks with them which hopefully is a good gesture.

I’d do the same if I were you.

At least your dude only has ONE kid. I hate having to deal with multiple kids for extended periods of time.

L still hasn’t said if he plans to host his kids July 4 (for the extra two days he’s off - making it 5 consecutive days).

I don’t want to ask because I don’t want to be disappointed if he says he’s going to have them. I’m just going to assume he is and bounce out so I don’t have to deal with them. Then reappear at the convenient time for a couple hours.

I really hate how Bertha sends her kids over EVERY cotdamn holiday. Like don’t this bitch have a life? I want to ask him what does his divorce agreement say about the holidays. Most divorced parents split the holidays. I will question it but I’m going to wait until after they leave.

miss.a.p1600
07-01-2022, 04:58 AM
His dumb ass said this am “when are you ever home?” Simply because I chose not to be holed up in that house with him and his kids annoying the shit out of me.

Bruh I’m living MY best life.

Spend all the time with your kids you need/want. I don’t have custody, I didn’t birth them, I can’t control them, their mom is a bitch and doesn’t raise them or clothe them properly so until you mfs invest better into your kids, I want to disengage as much as possible for MY sanity.

I won’t let you guilt trip me nor burden me with your baggage.

FU!

Aurora_Sunset
07-01-2022, 07:19 AM
Bio-mom wanted my husband to have the kids AGAIN this weekend. Bitch, with his normal weekend coming up again next weekend, that would put us at 5 weekends in a row. Wth? You know she just wanted them gone this weekend so she could push us to keep them through the holiday on Monday as well and probably go out of town. Well, too bad, because I have COVID. I know my husband is glad for that excuse, because he hasn't had a single kid-free weekend to relax since finishing school and starting his new job.

Like, I'm real sorry that bio-mom is realizing how much it sucks to not work during the summer AND not have a man around to dump the kids off on every day now that dickhead is gone, but the rest of us still have normal lives during the summer and don't want to sacrifice every day off to alleviating her on childcare. We did that ONE summer where we basically had them 50-50 just because my husband was feeling guilty about shit. Sorry, I'm not doing that again unless the finances and child support are adjusted accordingly, especially with inflation and food prices right now. She wanted to be "primary guardian" sooo badly back when they made the custody arrangements, she can deal with it.

carmen_b
07-01-2022, 09:09 AM
NO would be a great way to answer this one ! ^^

miss.a.p1600
07-01-2022, 11:26 AM
Bio-mom wanted my husband to have the kids AGAIN this weekend. Bitch, with his normal weekend coming up again next weekend, that would put us at 5 weekends in a row. Wth? You know she just wanted them gone this weekend so she could push us to keep them through the holiday on Monday as well and probably go out of town. Well, too bad, because I have COVID. I know my husband is glad for that excuse, because he hasn't had a single kid-free weekend to relax since finishing school and starting his new job.

Like, I'm real sorry that bio-mom is realizing how much it sucks to not work during the summer AND not have a man around to dump the kids off on every day now that dickhead is gone, but the rest of us still have normal lives during the summer and don't want to sacrifice every day off to alleviating her on childcare. We did that ONE summer where we basically had them 50-50 just because my husband was feeling guilty about shit. Sorry, I'm not doing that again unless the finances and child support are adjusted accordingly, especially with inflation and food prices right now. She wanted to be "primary guardian" sooo badly back when they made the custody arrangements, she can deal with it.


Not going to lie. Sometimes I wish strategically catch COVID so L would fucking get off my back about expecting me to help him raise his kids and I’d have a weekend free from his baggage/obligations.

Why do people think it’s okay to dump their kids off on their new partners/spouse??? That’s probably why he ran off.

I hate when divorced dads overcompensate out of guilt. And guess who has to pick up the slack?

Hope you’re feeling better soon btw

miss.a.p1600
07-01-2022, 11:38 AM
He’s acting like an annoying pissy petty bitch questioning me about where I’m going (out and away from your baggage that i don’t want to be obligated to) and then refusing to talk about his plans (which I assume is using this house as a holding cell for his kids while the slam doors, talk loudly, act needy and invade my peace and quiet

Look asshole! I don’t want to be up under y’all needy sedentary mfs.

Maybe if you got a better paying job (like I’ve been railing you about for over a YEAR) you could make plans for everyone to go OUT somewhere. ANYWHERE hell!!!

What part of this is a WEEKDAY is not registering to you. I have shit I have to do for myself before this holiday closes everything down Monday and it is unfair to be expecting me to take off, do nothing but sit around this house and help you raise your kids.

Are you going to compensate me for my time and effort? If not then I’m out.

I know your bitch ass is going to tack on another 3 extra days, without my consent, out of divorced dad guilt when you and Bertha should be alternating holidays.

So I’ll be doing ME and you can spend ALL the parenting time you need …… alone!!! Your kids need you so stop hassling me.

miss.a.p1600
07-01-2022, 11:46 AM
Lol @ him trying to stare off into space thinking about how I’m enjoying my best life while his kids are bugging the hell out of him!!!!

Better you than me…..

miss.a.p1600
07-01-2022, 11:48 AM
NO would be a great way to answer this one ! ^^

These dudes be having a hard time telling these Bertha bitches NO…..

My mindset = Shit you better tell her no before I tell you NO when it’s time for sex.

miss.a.p1600
07-01-2022, 12:17 PM
Sorry to keep posting but I REALLY can’t stand his ass right now.

Asking them when his parenting time starts and ends.

L: “What time do you want to go back home?”

L: “Are you going to stay over your uncles house on 4th?”

Son: “No my sister said we are coming here on the 4th”

L: (silence)


I knew his dumb ass wouldn’t check Bertha and these needy kids would be over here again.

Well I’m going to make plans and do what tf I want to do since Bertha and her kids are running the show.

miss.a.p1600
07-01-2022, 01:32 PM
Thank heavens he’s taking them back tonight vs in the morning like i suggested.

Im still going to bounce out on him July 4th simply because he refuses to make Bertha take care of her kids on the holidays.

miss.a.p1600
07-01-2022, 01:35 PM
Lol @ him trying to stare off into space thinking about how I’m enjoying my best life while his kids are bugging the hell out of him!!!!

Better you than me…..

I still laugh thinking how he’s doing dishes, cooking for them, shopping for them, etc.

ima let him do ALL the work, wear himself out (not lift a finger because I’ll be gone) while he’s playing Mr Mom/those kids clinging off him and letting Bertha get over on him by getting her holidays free.

Aurora_Sunset
07-01-2022, 02:11 PM
Lol now she's getting all up in arms about the fact that we can't do the 2 weeks during the summer thing that we originally did. We didn't last year either because of my husband being in school, now we can't this year because he's at a new job where he doesn't have vacation time yet. She keeps asking how he's gonna "make up" those 14 days, and threatening to "go to her lawyer for more child support" if he doesn't do it. (Her imaginary lawyer that she hasn't had for like 2 years now lmao). She doesn't seem to remember how it actually works - Having the kids for 2 weeks during the summer isn't just some extra thing my husband is supposed to do. It's supposed to be equal - he has them 2 full weeks AND she has them another 2 full weeks. If he doesn't do his 2 weeks, then she doesn't do 2 full weeks, and it all just cancels out. He doesn't have to "make up" these extra days that she's not going to reciprocate.

And even if he did, he's done PLENTY of that the rest of the year for years now. We take them extra weekends and days all the time, and she has NEVER kept them extra days to help us out on plans. It's far from evening out, so if she really wants to pitch a fit over these "extra days" he owes, we can go back over the calendar and pluck out alllll the extra days and nights we've kept them vs. her big fat zero in reciprocation.

She also wants us to go back to mid-week visits. And sorry, but the answer is no. We live too far away for it to make any sense to pick them up and bring them all the way back to our place for a measly 3 hours - most of which is spent eating dinner and getting ready for bed. They spend half of the time in a car... They were pretty much obsolete by the time we stopped doing them for school anyway - absolutely no reason to bring them back now, especially now that we live even farther away. She again tried to pull the "child support" card and got shut down quickly that those days never counted for anything having to do with child support - that only applies to overnights. Funnily enough, back when we knew these mid-week visits were getting stupid, we offered to keep them overnight and drive them to school the next day, and she did NOT want us to do that. Her flimsy excuse was that it would "upset the children" to change their schedule like that during the school week, but considering she's never given an actual flying fuck about "changing their schedule," I feel like she actually just KNOWS the law surrounding child support and doesn't want to legally give up any overnights and end up losing money if my husband decided to use it against her (not that he would - but money is all SHE ever seems to think about when it comes to HER kids, despite her talking smack about how "everyone else" is the terrible parent who doesn't care about the kids).

carmen_b
07-01-2022, 02:13 PM
Well I’m halfway to my cabin to enjoy some silence and hopefully a moose sighting !!!

carmen_b
07-01-2022, 02:15 PM
Aurora : I love how she fought for 24-25 days a month then doesn’t actually want them.

Sticking to the legal agreement seems fine. :)

carmen_b
07-01-2022, 02:16 PM
^ Maybe at some point you guys can do more and in turn pay less child support ( I’m assuming he must with her having them more ).

Aurora_Sunset
07-01-2022, 02:21 PM
^ Maybe at some point you guys can do more and in turn pay less child support ( I’m assuming he must with her having them more ).

Which we've definitely talked about (amongst ourselves). We would happily eventually move to be closer to them, and have them more when our finances and work schedules finally allow it. But we just KNOW that the second we tried to actually do it, she would fight tooth and nail to keep us from actually having them overnight more because she doesn't want to lose any child support. She just wants us to have them all DAY, scheduling every doctor's appointment, therapy appointment, school appointment on the days my husband has them so that she doesn't have to go (like she used to do during the weekday visits), and have them right up until bedtime and then return them when they're ready to sleep, just so that it's not considered an "overnight." Lol She knows exactly how child support works. She just likes to throw idle threats around to be a bully when she's not getting her "summer vacations" and "holidays" like she wanted.

miss.a.p1600
07-01-2022, 04:12 PM
Lol @ her imaginary lawyers.

It might be worth it to save up a few gs and hire even better lawyers than hers. Just in case.

Why mfs have to be so damn difficult?

Ls ex wife is the same way this bitch knows exactly what she’s doing by making L use EVERY last one of his off days/holidays for parenting time. While she on the couch eating hot Cheetos doing nothing on her holidays. He gleefully does it. Which is fine if he’s trying to be super involved. But don’t expect me to co-sign this fuckery.

miss.a.p1600
07-01-2022, 04:16 PM
if L does not take these kids back tonight I’m could shouldering his ass the rest of the week

miss.a.p1600
07-01-2022, 06:41 PM
He took them back but I feel a little guilty now. If he’s not getting them this Fourth of July like his daughter and son are requesting, I didn’t spend barely ANY time with them.

I like how you ladies are giving the kids a bit of quality time.

I see where he is trying to balance everyone’s needs.

Im glad his kids got to spend quality time with him. And that he also tried to accommodate me a bit (making them be quiet, took them out as much as he could, and not yelling in the house and taking them back this evening so everyone is less rushed).

If Bertha is keeping them this holiday I will send her a fruit basket.

carmen_b
07-01-2022, 07:40 PM
^ It seems like he is making an effort at least for sure.
I wouldn't feel too bad. Enjoy the time off ( because it sounds like you really didn't want them there extra ) and then maybe give them a few hours that first day you see them again.
I wouldn't drag them back because that might look a little odd.

If you *know* ahead of time exactly how long they are there for I'm sure that you would give them a few hours each visit . You could even outright just say " Give me the EXACT times NOW for next week so I can plan a few hours with them ". It would show you are making an effort. Just my take which you can take or leave obviously.

I left today to J's daughter having snapped off a leaf of one my LARGE and pricy plant baby specimens and I wasn't pleased. I am really not sure if this is an act of aggression ( she also put it on the chair I sit outside in to have my coffee ). It *seems* aggressive . Overall we get along. We are all trying to sort it out. She is trouble for it. If she damages it anymore J is buying me a new one.

Aurora_Sunset
07-01-2022, 09:53 PM
^^Do you have any reason to think it was supposed to be an act of aggression? If not, it was probably just an honest accident. Even older kids who know better like to play with things, like the leaves on plants or pulling up grass, sometimes without thinking about it. Maybe she was just playing with it absentmindedly and left the leaf there as a way of owning up to it so you would know what happened to your plant. Still good that she's in trouble for it, because she shouldn't have been playing with it in the first place, but unless you guys have recently had some tension, I wouldn't view it as a deliberate malicious act.

Aurora_Sunset
07-01-2022, 10:01 PM
Bio-mom makes it so damn difficult to even want to try to be in the kids' lives more. Because we can't do a single extra thing for her without it becoming an expectation. She's never grateful for the extra time we take. She's just extremely entitled and the definition of "give them an inch and they'll take a mile." The second we try to do anything more with the kids, she turns it into an expectation that we will always do it or always have them on the extra days that she demands. And when we can't, or won't, it turns into guilt-trips and trying to turn the kids against us. Us trying to spend more time with the kids ends up backfiring into her propaganda about what terrible parents we are who "don't want to spend time with them" any time we actually have to say no. There are times we literally say no just to avoid setting the precedent that we'll always say yes to her.

The only thing that saves this situation from being truly horrific is the fact that while she may be a narcissistic bully, she's not actually clever or devoted enough to her schemes to truly do much damage other than being a stressful bitch.

miss.a.p1600
07-02-2022, 04:18 AM
^ It seems like he is making an effort at least for sure.
I wouldn't feel too bad. Enjoy the time off ( because it sounds like you really didn't want them there extra ) and then maybe give them a few hours that first day you see them again.
I wouldn't drag them back because that might look a little odd.

If you *know* ahead of time exactly how long they are there for I'm sure that you would give them a few hours each visit . You could even outright just say " Give me the EXACT times NOW for next week so I can plan a few hours with them ". It would show you are making an effort. Just my take which you can take or leave obviously.

I left today to J's daughter having snapped off a leaf of one my LARGE and pricy plant baby specimens and I wasn't pleased. I am really not sure if this is an act of aggression ( she also put it on the chair I sit outside in to have my coffee ). It *seems* aggressive . Overall we get along. We are all trying to sort it out. She is trouble for it. If she damages it anymore J is buying me a new one.

Thanks for that. That’s a good idea!

And yikes! I love my plants too. Well maybe it was on purpose or giving her the benefit of the doubt- perhaps she probably didn’t realize how delicate the plant is. Maybe you can get her to help you take care of the plant (while you supervise of course) so she has some ownership and control and investment into seeing it thrive and then make sure to place the plant somewhere she can’t meddle with it (or just tell her not to touch it especially when you’re not around)

Definitely take your plants with you when you leave (if they’re portable).

Id be a bit perturbed too. My mom plant sat mine and L’s first plant together and then when she moved she was in such a rush that she haphazard packed my plant then subsequently dropped it on “accident” pretty much destroying most of it. I cried. And L was distraught. I’ll never leave my plants around people who admit to having no green thumb (thus don’t care about plants) or around children who are naturally rough n clumsy

On the bright side a lot of plants can regenerate themselves so it might grow back?

miss.a.p1600
07-02-2022, 04:25 AM
Bio-mom makes it so damn difficult to even want to try to be in the kids' lives more. Because we can't do a single extra thing for her without it becoming an expectation. She's never grateful for the extra time we take. She's just extremely entitled and the definition of "give them an inch and they'll take a mile." The second we try to do anything more with the kids, she turns it into an expectation that we will always do it or always have them on the extra days that she demands. And when we can't, or won't, it turns into guilt-trips and trying to turn the kids against us. Us trying to spend more time with the kids ends up backfiring into her propaganda about what terrible parents we are who "don't want to spend time with them" any time we actually have to say no. There are times we literally say no just to avoid setting the precedent that we'll always say yes to her.

The only thing that saves this situation from being truly horrific is the fact that while she may be a narcissistic bully, she's not actually clever or devoted enough to her schemes to truly do much damage other than being a stressful bitch.

L’s ex is the same way.

Only thing that gives him leverage from the broad going complete controlling psycho is the fact that there are A LOT of deadbeat dads out there and she has a fear she might run him off for good (leave her to raise those kids alone - which she’s incapable of even if her life depended on it)

Maybe your husbands ex wife knows if she goes too far, she could risk him retaliating by simply doing nothing to help her with those kids.

It’s a good thing y’all recognize her unsavory ways and stick to your boundaries

carmen_b
07-02-2022, 11:40 AM
Aurora :

Maybe you can start with a firm boundary like " yes, we can take TWO extra days this month and TWO next month with at least a few weeks notice ".
Basically .... you are going over and beyond on YOUR side of the legal agreement.
You two setting the terms of exactly how that extra help goes down seems just fine.

carmen_b
07-02-2022, 11:42 AM
I'm probably moving that large one up to my room. It's a ficus elastica about 4 feet by 4 feet. I want to see it grow to 6 feet or more which it won't if it is fucked with and leaves are broken ( thank goodness it wasn't a stem ). If it was I would have just grabbed J's card and shipped myself one just as large as this one ( would have been about $175 - $200 ). I'm leaning towards moving it up since I have been on the fence about moving a few up anyway ( we have a huge south facing window in the room ). The extra oxygen is probably best for when we sleep v.s. just having them by the front door windows .

A business that a frequent has one around 10 feet tall and 6 feet wide and that is my long term plan for it. GOALS ! :)

carmen_b
07-02-2022, 12:35 PM
I have to say ..... things are going pretty well overall .
I will give a little more time during the next visit July 7-10.

I 100% DON'T agree with not doing activity sign ups, that is my main gripe currently.
I do have to remind myself that this is a temporary flaw because it can really feel consuming ( ends in 5-6 weeks I think ).

Aurora_Sunset
07-02-2022, 07:51 PM
God, this bitch is unreal this weekend.

After telling her that we can't take the kids this weekend because I have COVID, she's now sending these texts where she's doing the MATH, saying if I tested positive on Wednesday, I should be clear by tomorrow (5 days), and if I test negative, we should take the kids tomorrow night and most of Monday. Omg! Get it through your fucking head, we're not taking them this weekend! Sorry, but even if I technically test negative tomorrow, that doesn't mean I'll feel 100% better. It doesn't mean I should have to jump up and run around washing and disinfecting everything so that the kids can come over that very day. She doesn't get to use the whole "you still have to take care of the kids even when you're sick, that's part of being a parent" guilt trip BS on this, because it's not a normal weekend for us to have them. I'm not obligated to care for children and have them all up in my space when I'm sick, whether or not it's even COVID, on a weekend that we're not supposed to have them.

I can't believe she would even have the audacity to ask. "Hey, I know you're sick, but as long as you're not positive for COVID, you should take my kids so I can go party on the 4th of July." Holy shit.

miss.a.p1600
07-03-2022, 05:24 AM
^sounds like Ls ex

That heifer is constantly trying pushing boundaries and trying to dump her kids off when they’re sick or if L is sick. When L was feeling sick, I made him get a COVID test and he turned out to be positive. Back then the isolation was two weeks and that hoe was going crazy texting him threatening him that he better not be lying, etc.

God forbid a parent has to actually take care of their kids for 2 weeks. What is the world coming to? Lol!

Anyways I’m thinking to myself…..

Like look bitch how hard is it to call your aunts, mom, grandma, uncles, childcare drop off, whoever to help you while the people who are sick can focus on recovery?!?

Then when she got sick with COVID can you guess what her dumb ass was trying to do?!? Send her COVID positive sick kids over so she wouldn’t have to deal with them while she was sick.

Um no bitch why tf would you think it’s okay to send COVID sick kids so they can get everyone else sick too??? Hoe you better quarantine with your sick kids and stop being trifling. Thank goodness L did not fall into her “these are your kids even when they’re sick” guilt traps and told her NO he wasn’t starting his parenting time until they tested negative.

Anyways my point is these Bertha bitches (and their spawns) are expecting you to take care of their kids rain, sleet, snow, illness, etc like you’re some kind of damn robot or something.

I’d tell that heifer she and her calculations can go fuck off. No one can bully you into taking care of kids while your sick. And the fact that these trifling women expect childcare from someone who is sick says a lot about their character, emotional intelligence, and their parenting skills.

Do y’all alternate holidays? Is this holiday your husbands parenting time? Is he sick too? Maybe he can pop over there for a couple hours and take them out for ice cream and barbecue then take them right back.

You deserve peace while you’re recovering from illness

Aurora_Sunset
07-03-2022, 07:10 AM
^sounds like Ls ex

That heifer is constantly trying pushing boundaries and trying to dump her kids off when they’re sick or if L is sick. When L was feeling sick, I made him get a COVID test and he turned out to be positive. Back then the isolation was two weeks and that hoe was going crazy texting him threatening him that he better not be lying, etc.

God forbid a parent has to actually take care of their kids for 2 weeks. What is the world coming to? Lol!

Anyways I’m thinking to myself…..

Like look bitch how hard is it to call your aunts, mom, grandma, uncles, childcare drop off, whoever to help you while the people who are sick can focus on recovery?!?

Then when she got sick with COVID can you guess what her dumb ass was trying to do?!? Send her COVID positive sick kids over so she wouldn’t have to deal with them while she was sick.

Um no bitch why tf would you think it’s okay to send COVID sick kids so they can get everyone else sick too??? Hoe you better quarantine with your sick kids and stop being trifling. Thank goodness L did not fall into her “these are your kids even when they’re sick” guilt traps and told her NO he wasn’t starting his parenting time until they tested negative.

Anyways my point is these Bertha bitches (and their spawns) are expecting you to take care of their kids rain, sleet, snow, illness, etc like you’re some kind of damn robot or something.

I’d tell that heifer she and her calculations can go fuck off. No one can bully you into taking care of kids while your sick. And the fact that these trifling women expect childcare from someone who is sick says a lot about their character, emotional intelligence, and their parenting skills.

Do y’all alternate holidays? Is this holiday your husbands parenting time? Is he sick too? Maybe he can pop over there for a couple hours and take them out for ice cream and barbecue then take them right back.

You deserve peace while you’re recovering from illness

This isn't a holiday that they alternate. Honestly, most holidays aren't "alternating" for them. When they were setting up the custody agreement, my husband made a point to say that he didn't want to put the kids through the "alternating holiday" thing, especially since they already had a lot of traditions with bio-mom's family and he rarely sees his family. To keep it easy, they just gave bio-mom all the holidays so the kids could keep their normal routine with her family. So, technically, all holidays are HER holidays. She is supposed to have them every Thanksgiving and Christmas, with us having them Christmas Eve, and we always just handle Easter as whatever weekend it happens to fall on (most of the time, it's us). The only exception is that the last couple years, Christmas has fallen on our weekend, so we end up having them on the day as well, but after this year, that should go back to normal.

Aurora_Sunset
07-03-2022, 07:17 AM
My husband's all upset out in the living room, saying he feels guilty for not having them now, because she gets to him and says shit like he just doesn't want to spend time with his kids or telling him that she has them ALL the time. Dude, first of all, she's the one trying to send her kids into a COVID-infected apartment just because she wants to go party for 4th of July. Don't let her make YOU feel like the shitty parent! And secondly, if she doesn't want them "all the time," then she shouldn't have fought so hard for all that custody. She wanted max custody so she could get max child support. That is what she got. She doesn't seem to understand that child support is a supplement to make up for TIME that he doesn't have the kids. It's not just extra, fun-time, free money for HER. If we had the kids more, she would receive less money, because we would be paying more for their living expenses here - but she didn't want that - she wanted "her money," as she always calls it.... She did that to herself. I said if she's so perturbed by having kids all the time during the summer, she can find them a summer camp. Hell, my husband's new job has a FREE science summer camp for kids of employees every weekday. All she would have to do is drive them down there, and my husband would get off work around the time they let out - but she won't do that. So, fuck her.

miss.a.p1600
07-03-2022, 07:22 AM
^Ratchet Bertha pulling the ol “these are your bundles of joy” guilt trips even when you’re not feeling well (and the dudes be falling into the trap of unnecessary guilt)

And yes the greedy ratchet Berthas expect child support even while the dad is taking care of the kids.

I got sick here a couple weeks ago and do you know how hard it was to tell these mfs NO! “No you cannot come to this house because I am contagious and I want my peace to recover without having to worry about other mfs!”

They were putting all kinds of pressure and guilt trips on him.

Anyways your health is more important than their petty adult tantrums and guilt trips. And kids have to understand and learn to adapt to change especially when people aren’t feeling well.

I’m really baffled why they think it’s okay to send kids into a house of possible contagions

carmen_b
07-03-2022, 07:44 AM
Aurora : It really sounds like it's time for a revamp. You guys have them 8-10 days possibly in the near future and revamp to give less in child support.
She can't have both so what does she want of the TWO ( not both ) ha !

She really seems to be struggling which really isn't your problem ( there are other support networks such as her family / friends ) but maybe your partner would want them more and want to pay less haha ?

miss.a.p1600
07-03-2022, 08:06 AM
I’d also add that there are free camps all over the city and this Bertha broad (and L) are too lazy to transport them there. In my city there is even a drop-in childcare center you just drop them off anytime, pay 8/hr, then pick them up anytime; no reservations needed.

There are a plethora of childcare options (which they refuse) so I wouldn’t feel one ounce of guilt or play into theirs.

I think if men want to have more custody so they can pay their ex wife less and see their kids more often they should see if their partner is okay with it (because guaranteed men will expect their partner to help with caring for their kids) and if so plan it accordingly. It’s not something they should guilt you into doing and it’s something you should be compensated for.

This is just my opinion though. I’m not the best step-parent lol

carmen_b
07-05-2022, 09:07 AM
^ I'm so mad at J for not doing a booked activity .
Really ..... even if it is just ONE time for 4-5 hours on each 3-4 day visit it seems like such a good way to go.
I would always drive one way ( and on busy work days for him even drive both ways ) !
BUT .... I don't really want to throw my relationship in the trash over something happening for 5 more weeks.
If I do see ANYTHING open I'm signing her up though ! Stuff is BOOKED because other parents were smart enough to think ahead.
What is going through these mens minds ? I really just don't get it.
J literally doesn't have the time to give her all day long but I guess he feels that even having lunch together or a quick visit 10-20 minutes during the day is worth it ? I mean ..... did you ASK HER if she enjoys sitting around the house all day watching us work ?

carmen_b
07-05-2022, 09:13 AM
The 4th was rough for me.
I had gotten myself into a funk on this drive including crying over things I was hearing on a podcast .
Should have turned that thing off and come back to it later!
I was circling in thoughts that J was just really replacing my ex who abandoned me and that I would never really " soul mate love him " like I did my ex.
^ I basically got going in a mental downslide while trying to drive.
I tried to recover with a nap which only half way worked.

THEN he takes us out to view fireworks at this horrible difficult to get to location.
I didn't want to walk to view them at all and we hiked in about a mile each way. :/
I have too much pride at all times to put my foot down ( I basically will never admit that I don't want the hike ect. ) so we all just got a workout in the near dark and then the ACTUAL dark after. I wouldn't say it was a good time but I made it, ha.

carmen_b
07-05-2022, 09:50 AM
I want to show that I am making some effort so I definitely wanted to join them the 4th.
I also got her a geode necklace from this trip and put it out with a note this morning.

miss.a.p1600
07-05-2022, 11:14 AM
^ I'm so mad at J for not doing a booked activity .
Really ..... even if it is just ONE time for 4-5 hours on each 3-4 day visit it seems like such a good way to go.
I would always drive one way ( and on busy work days for him even drive both ways ) !
BUT .... I don't really want to throw my relationship in the trash over something happening for 5 more weeks.
If I do see ANYTHING open I'm signing her up though ! Stuff is BOOKED because other parents were smart enough to think ahead.
What is going through these mens minds ? I really just don't get it.
J literally doesn't have the time to give her all day long but I guess he feels that even having lunch together or a quick visit 10-20 minutes during the day is worth it ? I mean ..... did you ASK HER if she enjoys sitting around the house all day watching us work ?

yes I’m the type who will totally ship some kids off to camp for the day so they can enjoy age appropriate activities while I enjoy adult activities sans children.

Also I find it awesome you’re not only willing to research the places but also do transportation. You’re willing to help out. Not sure why he is so resistant to it?!? Maybe he thinks you’re trying to “get rid” of his kid (which he thinks the kid is so great you’d want to be around her 24/7) and he’s getting offended???

I’m sure his kid is great but everyone needs a break sometimes and kids don’t want to be clinging to/smothered by their parents.