View Full Version : You know you are a Stripper when.....
henrietta
01-08-2011, 01:06 PM
Probably all said before but I've forgotten...
Getting home before 5am is an early night.
Your taxi driver lets you pay him weekly 'cos he knows weekdays can be slow, but he'll get a big tip for it on the weekend.
You hoarde baby wipes when they go on sale.
Same with mints in cute tins, false eyelashes, and black thongs.
You go through more lipgloss than Kim Kardashian.
You always get the bargains on eBay because you're the only person up at the time the auction ends.
You pay for EVERYTHING in cash and you stash it everywhere.
You only wear ugg boots or 7 inch shoes. Anything in between feels weird.
You don't see daylight for days on end.
Instead of Red Bull you drink 'pussy'.
TiffanyRae
01-11-2011, 10:36 PM
you have Dancers Feet!:
- permanent callusus on your big toe and on the balls of your feet from dancing shoes, even though you pamper your feet every two weeks with the deluxe pedicure, and use scrub at home with moisturizing socks and vaseline!
Sweet
01-23-2011, 11:57 PM
When an old friend's mom tells you your friend is going for a BA and you ask what size, not thinking she meant "Bachelor of Arts"...
This is probably already on here, but it happened to me this weekend. Felt like a total idiot, her mom just looked at me...
LOL...Love it!
Sweet
01-24-2011, 02:43 AM
i <3 my beamer. as long as you change the oil and maintain it you are set. i drove it 55,000 miles in 14 months and the only problems i have had with it are a tire blowing out, the battery dying once due to my roommate leaving the lights on, and i now need to fix my brake pads. people were always saying it would keep failing me, but my beamer has put up with some bullshit!
Cars will always be good to you as long as you take care of them.
anelia
01-24-2011, 03:19 AM
when you have that recurring nightmare that you're naked and everyone's staring at you.... oh wait, that's just a regular work dream.
Harlequin_Phoenix
01-24-2011, 09:47 PM
When a random man stops you on the street to ask where the bus station is and after he walks away, you realize that you're surprised he didn't offer you a tip.
Money_Worshipper
02-19-2011, 12:40 AM
when you get irritated getting hit on by a lot of men at regular bars and dancing clubs. they're are not planning to spend money on you except getting you drinks and hopefully on their bed.
when you develop a diva complex.
when you start to think that men outside the club should be paying you just to talk to them.
when somebody asks you whether you are working tomorrow or not, you'd be telling them that you haven't decided yet. if you wake up in a good mood tomorrow, you'll probably go to work.
when you don't know how to do any normal dances anymore in normal clubs and bars. you touch yourself a low while dancing.
when you have a inflated ego that you don't feel as good as being told you're beautiful.
when you size up men outside whether they have money to spend or not.
when you get flirty with men in suits.
seashell
02-19-2011, 04:04 AM
When a good day at work involves shaking your ass while someone throws handfuls of dollar bills at you.
When you can instantly go from sweet, friendly, bubbly chitchat to vehemently hating a person just because they don't want to buy a dance.
Lily L'Amour
06-09-2011, 05:02 PM
...When a man who brings chocolate to the club can become one of your best friends (and all of you KNOW what I mean here)!
hahahahaha ohhh we have one of those at our club. when he sees that any of the dancers are having a shit night he'll tip us some chocolate with the bills.
:]
Layna804
06-13-2011, 10:51 PM
when your dog is growling at a rodent on your chair, and you realize its your wig from the night before
aussiebelle
06-13-2011, 11:29 PM
When spotting a $100 note/a Black AmEx from distance makes your heart race and you're instantly filled with excitement and think "MONEEEEYYY!!!"
hahaha defs agree on the black amex!
Lady Xplicit18
06-14-2011, 01:15 AM
When you go to a regular club with a pole and get super annoyed with girls "trying" to dance like strippers when really they look stupid as fuck. Just want to push them down and really show them what's up lol ::)
ExoticMoments2You
06-14-2011, 01:20 AM
Just look at someones knees :)
shasta
06-14-2011, 03:34 AM
when you can sell almost ANYTHING to ANYONE...
This.
kitinboots
06-14-2011, 04:29 AM
When a guy asks you for a light and you demand a cigarette in return, because nobody gets anything from you for free.
Minaya
06-14-2011, 10:32 PM
Here are some of my own...
- When you have a few hundred dancer outfits and costumes and own only a few dozen regular clothes and wear almost nothing but comfy sweat pants and shirts or PJs when at home. When walking barefoot feels best when off work!
- When you only have a few friends outside of work because you really enjoy a day of NOT being social every now and then.
- When going to a regular bar or clubbing feels like a rip off (I'm supposed to be paid for this, not HAVE to pay!)
- When you see a REALLY cool club in your dreams and wonder where that cool "dream club" is....
- When you have to explain to your banker that your SO or husband is NOT a drug dealer, because he runs your cash to the bank early Monday morning for you every week with a grand or so in cash....
- When you know exactly how to count your 20's. Four hundred is 20. Eighty is 4. Etc.
- When you make it a habit of rubber banding your ones in stacks of 50 or a 100 and using them to pay for things during your day.
- When paying your rent or a high bill in ones. I know EVERY stripper has done it once.
- When you still have all of your checks in your check book because most things are paid in cash, the rest on debit card.
- When you spend more money in gas and expenses getting to work than some people make in a day.
- When you are considering moving town or hopping on an air plane to work in another state (or country) because 500-800 a week is REALLY not cutting it!
- When the neighbors don't even know you LIVE at your apartment, because they never see you around.
I'm sure I will think of more of them...
Minaya ---
-
charlie61
06-18-2011, 04:23 PM
^Love those!!
xGigi
06-18-2011, 09:22 PM
when you apply for a normal job and when you tell your parents about it you accidentally say "I have an audition monday" instead of "interview" ooppsss!!! lol! ::)
natilinia rouge
06-25-2011, 12:07 PM
love this thread haha
JayATee
06-27-2011, 12:06 PM
When you get stuck in a snowbank so badly you have to call a tow truck and for some reason they need to get into the trunk and you have to stand there while they sift through the clothes and shoes that you literally haven't worn in more than a year but keep there because of that "just in case" mentality.
*Jade*Love
06-27-2011, 05:28 PM
I was in walmart with my friend a couple weeks ago and saw these little pink and black running shorts, I pointed at them and said "Those are really cute!"... before realizing I was looking in the young girls' clothing section.
xGigi
06-28-2011, 05:42 AM
when you can instantly tune out any song. the clothing store you're in could be playing a song from dora the explorer and you wouldn't even notice it.
mia_fey
06-28-2011, 07:53 AM
- When you see a REALLY cool club in your dreams and wonder where that cool "dream club" is....
-
I've been having this dream for weeks now.
UwishUknewhy
06-29-2011, 01:45 AM
I was in walmart with my friend a couple weeks ago and saw these little pink and black running shorts, I pointed at them and said "Those are really cute!"... before realizing I was looking in the young girls' clothing section.
Love this!
colleen
06-29-2011, 10:57 AM
When it gets hard to tell your work clothes from your underwear from the stuff you sleep in.
natilinia rouge
06-30-2011, 03:30 PM
When your in the dressing room and your male manager comes right on in when your fully naked checking your tampon string its like nothing surprising to either of you !
lilykane
07-01-2011, 03:56 PM
when getting up from sitting on the floor you start to do that sexy one leg, run hand along it, other leg, then arch back and straighten.
i was playing on the floor with my niece and caught myself doing the motions when getting up haha.
Italian_Bombshell849
07-01-2011, 09:37 PM
when you are getting ready for work and your shoes and lingerie are spread all over the bed, either halfway IN or laying on your dance bag...and the exterminator for the apartment complex comes in to spray when you have one half of your face's eye make up done....he sees the shoes, the red lipstick you have on, the half-way done eye makeup, the lingerie, and just nervously exterminates and then books it out of the apartment.
*that was a true occurance!*
**when your cat starts to chew on a fiver and you immediately tackle the poor fluffy friend and pry her mouth open to "save" the five dollar bill as you say, "no no no little kitty! no no no! that was mommie's stage tip!"
**when that trip to the upscale grocery market doesn't really sound that financially scary...yet you still think Wal Mart is better because it doesn't cost that many lap dances & it has a better selection of hand sanitizer, baby wipes, & boasts a nice cosmetic and hair section for a "grocery store".
**when your lip gloss choice is the kind that has a glassy shine with a scent and taste because you get hungry at work and want something that resembles something sweet...so that way you can just lick your lips and VOILA! Instant hunger loss.
**when your shoes cost more than your entire outfit, lip gloss and hairspray included, because of the amount of plastic involved in making the shoe.
**when you hoarde baby wipes, travel size everything, hand sanitizer, cans upon cans of hairspray, and tubes upon tubes of lip gloss.
**when you know what brands have the best lip sticks that don't dry out your lips and the best glosses just because of the type of applicator it has. (hey! what kind of applicator the tube has is VERY important when it comes down to how much gloss & color you get!)
**when your cat's sleeping hours revolve around when you leave and when you get home.
**when you spend countless hours reading all 30 pages of the "You Know You're a Stripper When..." thread...and post more posts, continually bumping the thread.
**when you know that nail glue fixes your "work shoes" should the sole come undone and you know how to safety pin anything that is fabric (call it being a "Stripper Mcguyver")
**when you find out that fabric paint works not only for lovely art but for "body painting" as well (mix it with latex and I find it works well. I use a baby pink and tan color mixed together to make it look as realistic as possible)
**when you know that mixed liquid latex and fabric paint and applying it to your body will actually work as an alternative to having to wear straight up latex pasties.
**when you secretly wonder why boyshorts ride up one cheek higher than the other cheek...and when you see it, you try to figure out the physics involved.
**when walking into the DR and seeing the DJ bent over, looking at a chick's pussy, saying, "no I think you cut it short enough...i don't really see it!" (what a way to start the shift...)
**when your "boss" comes to work with shirt half unbuttoned, belt undone, fly half zipped, shoes untied, tie just hanging around the next, his jacket wrinkled up hanging over his forearm, hair a mess, with bloodshot eyes & bags underneath the eyes...and you get the job of dressing him like he's a 3 year old....you know..zipping his fly (wtf), buckling his belt, tying his shoes, buttoning his shirt, and tying his tie because he's too stoned and hungover to really function at that hour in the morning...it IS 11:00 after all...wayyyy too early in the morning..rofl. (true story...I lived this)
**when the main head boss of the club is standing there with a bunch of girls at the bar, pointing and laughing at the chick that is in plain sight in the CR fucking a dude....blonde, teased hair bouncing up and down and everything....(he seriously just laughed it off! "Oh, that Ivy...just up to her old tricks! get it girls? TRICKS??" ROFL)
**when a guy that works at the grocery store approaches you and asks you, overtly enthusiastically, "Is there ANYTHING I can do with, I mean FOR, you ma'am?" and you just give him that "fuck off. i am off duty" look...as you walk around in Pink brand sweats and your comfy Ugg boots that you wear year round, no matter WHAT season. It's never too hot for Uggs!!
**when you spend countless hours on youtube searching pole work how-to's and videos of dancers doing pole work, looking at how she moves and how she does it (okay, so right arm is the low arm...left arm is the high arm? right? *rewinds video to 3 minutes and 12 seconds & rewatches it for the THIRD time* instead of doing your online classwork that is due by 11:30 pm that night.
**when you find SC food so good (this is a hit or miss ladies) that you don't even give a shit about making money on slower days, you just want to sit in a dark corner and eat a baked potato loaded and a steak for the over priced price of $22.50.
**when you freak when you see that the Sprite 12 pack is $4.99 and you are like, "damn that's high!" when you are walking around with a few hundred in your purse tied together with scrunchis because it wouldn't fit in your wallet.
**when you have gone through 2 flat irons and 1 curling iron (1st flat iron just eventually died and the 2nd one was stolen and the curling iron crapped out on you eventually too)
**when your boyfriend doesn't get uncomfortable when he hears about how men were grinding up on you and touching you in places that HE usually touches and penetrates every night.
**when the IHOP's evening shift servers all know you by your STAGE name, NOT your real name.
**when alcohol disgusts you because you are around guys that either nearly puke it back up on you (true story) or you get irritated with dealing with drunk guys...yet you still have a bottle of vodka or tequila (or both) at home that you hit up frequently.
**when you start to notice that you are getting winded easily & having sinus problems because of all the 2nd hand smoke from the girls in the DR that you inhale.
**when you leave in the late morning to go to work with a small rolling suitcase....but you are not traveling anywhere.
**when you go to the lingerie section of a department store or a discount store like Marshall's and think, "What 'look' could I work if I bought this? Would my shoes match this outfit? well...the shoes are clear so I guess it doesn't matter..."
**When you are at a swinger's club and there are women on the stripper poles and you are like, "bitch please...I can show your little clueless self how to climb a fucking pole and invert..."
**when you find that your feet are more uncomfortable in 4 inch heels than in 7 inch heels. You still don't understand it, but you'll just go with it...
**when you get mad that your cat jumped into your dance bag and shed cat hair all over your clothes ("maaannnnn, Tiffany! now I have to go lint roll everything!")
**when you put baby powder in the crotch of your panties so it'll keep it fresh and the sweat will get absorbed.
**when you just don't give a fuck about what people say and think about you
**when you can take rejection very well and take body criticism very well too.
**when you wake up the next day with bruises on your ass and tits from them getting squeezed so much the night before
this is what I can think of...I am sure there are more....
Vyanka
07-01-2011, 09:43 PM
When I pay for something I think to myself... "That was X amount of lapdances or a VIP room". lol
pollywogg
07-01-2011, 11:53 PM
when giving directions to some place, you mention which strip club it's near
Money_Worshipper
07-02-2011, 12:47 AM
when your knees are permanently blackened. lol... the dark bruises on my knees never go away
Italian_Bombshell849
07-02-2011, 10:30 AM
when you freak out and start cussing at the computer when your wireless internet card is not connecting to the internet, making you unable to access stripperweb and that bid on ebay for 7 inch shoes and a cheap t-back.
Italian_Bombshell849
07-02-2011, 10:50 AM
when your bathroom's cabinet specifically for your vitamins & such consists of the following:
1. vitamin D to keep you energized and keep the fatigue at bay
2. arnica gel for bruises
3. aleve for your joints
4. midol or pamprin (if you have a period, some chicks are on the pill or have an BC implant like I do)
5. Gas-Ex pills and Gas-Ex dissolving toungue strips
6. Fish Oil and Vitamin E to keep your skin soft
7. Excedrin Migraine for those after work migraines from the loud music
8. diuretic type of pills to flush any excess sodium and water weight out of your system so you won't look bloated on your shift
9. Quick Trim or any other kind of diet pill
10. protein bars to keep your hair and nails strong and skin soft
11. vaseline for your callouses on your feet with the socks your use to moisturize your feet that you keep clean in the cabinet next to the Vaseline.
sananeko
07-02-2011, 10:53 AM
When your doing your cute bend move while your moving things around your house.
Italian_Bombshell849
07-02-2011, 11:14 AM
**you know you're a stripper when you can start a slow cook roast with veggies in your crock pot, go to work for 7 hours, and come home with a hot, home cooked meal ready after marinating and being cooked in the crock pot all day long.....(OMG it's SO good, it's this pre-packaged thing at Wal Mart in the meat section. It comes with the veggies, meat, and seasoning for like 12 or 13 dollars. TRY IT!).....and as you're eating it, you realize you still haven't washed off your makeup and have the after-smell of the pole on your hands, even though you bathed in sanitizer, and the smell of many men's cologne.
**you know every word to or at least the name & band of an array of 80s classic rock songs...even though you were born in the 90s (like me! 1990 baby!)
**when you walk around nude in your apartment...with the blinds still flipped open, giving a show to the neighbor's teen boys....as you walk up to the window, turning the little stick to close the blinds you see the boys trying to flag you down yelling "no!! NO!! don't close the blinds! I WANNA FUCK YOU!" and you stop for a second, looking at them with this "fuck off...i know you're broke AND UNDERAGE....so bitch please, I am not stopping for you."
**(not that this applies to me...yet) when you are using high end designer luggage (I've seen Vuitton and Gucci) and your's is real and when you are getting ready some chick walks in who acts like she's the shit with her fake Vuitton rolling suitcase and you just think, "wow. how much did THAT cost? a lapdance? two? bitch please..."
**when you have so much Playboy brand stuff it's not even funny. (i have a necklace & Playboy beach towel, the other shit was stolen *sad face*)
**when you have posters and pictures of pin up girls like Bettie Page hanging on the wall next to your dinner table (that would be ME) and you have no qualms with having family over to see half naked chicks hanging on your wall.
**when your grandmother & mom take turns taking you to and pick you up from the club and happily ask in a supportive tone, "so did you make a lot tonight? how was it?" (my mom was a dancer for a long time..like 15 years or something like that...she knows ALLLLLLLL about the industry)
**you know you are a stripper when you are telling your mother or grandmother about the funny things that happen at work with no issues about whether they'll be freaked out about knowing that you dodged jizz, barf, and kisses from weird men all day long.
**you always end up relating something in the "regular world" to stripping. (for example, I work at a sandwich shop and we have these new cookies that we're really pushing. I sell every single one of them before 1 pm *which means I sell 20 cookies in 90 minutes, it's harder than you think* and you attribute your selling skills to your deceased father who could sell shit on a stick & stripping.)
**EVERYTHING is related to stripping. I mean seriously....EVERYTHING.
**you have no problem going to Sephora or the MAC Cosmetic store and dropping a few hundred, yet when it comes to buying food, you sweat how much the grocery bill will be. (talk about wants before needs!)
**you use nail polish remover to remove EVERYTHING. (I picked that trick up from a fellow dancer..it actually sometimes works!!)
Felons_Felony
07-02-2011, 11:59 AM
Word up on the "everything is related to stripping" note. I think strip clubs are the best ways to analyze microeconomies.
-- I asked my ex-boyfriend if he had any tips on how to sanitize pleather, like it was no biggie, and his response was, "... that's such a fucking stripper question to ask."
-- You drop something on the ground, reach to pick it up, and instinctively slowly bend your ass up as you come up.
kitinboots
07-02-2011, 12:21 PM
When your apartment is barely big enough to swing a cat, but you still install a pole in the hope that somehow you'll be able to swing yourself around it (nearly smashing the tv each time)
Italian_Bombshell849
07-02-2011, 12:26 PM
When your apartment is barely big enough to swing a cat, but you still install a pole in the hope that somehow you'll be able to swing yourself around it (nearly smashing the tv each time)
ok, that made me ROFL!
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! :D
Money_Worshipper
07-02-2011, 07:16 PM
whenever a guy you meet outside the streets, clubs, etc asks you for your name, you almost always blurt out your stripper name.
Italian_Bombshell849
07-03-2011, 01:15 PM
**you have used edible body paint as a pastie instead of the latex
**you keep your toes painted a certain color and feet in tip-top shape for the foot fetishist that comes into the club to see you specifically so he can caress, suck, and massage your feet that're painted the color he likes on a woman's toes
**you get ringworms from the club and DR's germs
**sitting down in a puddle of beer, jizz, or on a used condom does not freak you out...it just catches you off gaurd
**you have the travel size bottle of sanitizer and travel pack of baby wipes in your purse so you can clean yourself off from the puddle of jizz or beer and disinfect yourself from sitting on the used condom
**seeing people have sex and women give blow jobs & jack off guys in pornos doesn't turn you on anymore...you see it daily at work so who gives a rat's ass anymore?
**when you go into the bathroom at a gentlemen's club establishment and you see a girl on her knees in a bathroom stall, and then hear her take a huge snort twice...and as she unlocks the door and emerges from the stall, she is unrolling a $20 covered in white powder.
**when your cat likes to snuggle up around your heels...and you get pissed off because there are tufts of hair stuck to the stiletto part and you're pissed because you're running late for your shift and don't want to have to pay the higher house fee that mid shift girls get charged.
JayATee
07-03-2011, 05:07 PM
when giving directions to some place, you mention which strip club it's near
You use SC's as landmarks to keep the town straight in your head.
Italian_Bombshell849
07-04-2011, 02:42 PM
you know you are a stripper when you are taking out another apartment resident's clothes at the apartment's community laundry facility, and a t-back & some stripper boyshorts fall out of the bunch of clothes :D and you immediately think to yourself, "I wonder where she works? that's a cute pair of boyshorts...wow, her jeans are so tiny....she must be so petite!" as you fold her clothes just so you can paw at her underwear and think to yourself, "now I wonder where she works? I wonder if it's at Treasures down the street...." ::)
*just happened ten minutes ago when I was at the community laundry facility unloading this chick's laundry.
Italian_Bombshell849
07-04-2011, 02:46 PM
when this (http://www.amazon.com/Michael-Godard-Dirtier-Martini-Poster/dp/B000NIBVTS/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1309635318&sr=8-1) is the classy artwork hanging in the living room.
<3
OMG I love that poster! I want that to go in my living room, near the Bettie Page poster that I have hanging above my dining room table.
Italian_Bombshell849
07-05-2011, 10:21 PM
**when you go to put on a "regular" thong and your feel this horrible burn between your butt cheeks and then you realize that you have worn your t-back (or y back..whichever) so much that your crack is chapped and rubbed raw. *true story. happened today*
xGigi
07-06-2011, 05:12 AM
when this (http://www.amazon.com/Michael-Godard-Dirtier-Martini-Poster/dp/B000NIBVTS/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1309635318&sr=8-1) is the classy artwork hanging in the living room.
<3
I want that!!
kristalyne
07-06-2011, 07:52 AM
When you unconsciously take of your coat in a seductive way in a restaurant or public place lol..out of habit! :)
Practicing dance moves at home on my day off and getting sore muscles. Joint/muscle cream always in my medicine cabinet.
Jay12
07-08-2011, 06:38 AM
Whenever I'm in a restaurant with my bf, and I'm talking about work, he freaks out when I say things like "VIP", "regulars", "house fee", or other work related term.
Elusive21
07-08-2011, 11:16 AM
really? he freaks out when you say "house fee"???
im not buying it; are you even a dancer jay12?
Butrcup79
07-08-2011, 05:49 PM
- When you can run in 6 inch platform stilettos better than you can walk in flip-flops
4everresolutions
07-08-2011, 06:26 PM
- When you can run in 6 inch platform stilettos better than you can walk in flip-flops
Good one.
I find flip flops impossibly difficult.