View Full Version : You know you are a Stripper when.....
ashleylost
06-03-2003, 06:27 AM
if you can't find a hair tie that garter left in your pocket book works just as well
sol_de_pr2
06-03-2003, 06:53 AM
Deja Voodoo (Carlos) - those of us who save our money don't say we struggle to pay the bills. The ones who say that are the ones who spend all their money on drugs after sucking too much cock that night! LOL Seriously, I think you're taking those little bits way out of context and putting them together when it's just not true.
Second, it's not an ego trip to prefer dating men with incomes at least as high as our own - just like it's not an ego trip for men who prefer women with incomes lower than their own. The men may not openly say it, but they show it in their actions. Further, that female choice has nothing to do with being a stripper - it has to do with being a WOMAN. Most women don't want to deal with men who have ego problems and have issues with a woman who makes more money than them. It's a common problem for couples where the woman earns more than the man - the man starts to feel insecure and like 'less of a man' and the woman starts to feel bad because she knows her success bothers her man. Comes from that long-standing idea that the man is supposed to be the main provider and breadwinner. Why wouldn't we want to avoid that issue and potential problem????Hi, I just PM'd Deja Voodoo and told him to stop impersonating me and urged him to quit SW, for sanity's sake :-[.
Bailey
08-07-2003, 01:59 AM
I found this list on the web - a tongue-in-cheek guide for guys:
"Here, from experts, are 10 signs that your lady is a closet lap dancer:
VAMPISH WALK. A once-awkward, wholesome, girl-next-door type who now swivels her hips in an exaggerated manner -- and has no trouble strutting about in six-inch heels -- fits the profile of a stripper.
COARSE LANGUAGE. If your lady starts cussing like a sailor, it's a good bet she picked up the bad habit from her low-class "colleagues" backstage.
FAVORS SEXY UNDERWEAR. A gal who used to complain about how "uncomfortable" she felt in thongs and suddenly has an undies drawer chock full of them may now be used to wearing a G-string hours at a time.
SLUTTY BODY LANGUAGE. When your mate has to pick up something from the ground, does she kneel like a lady -- or bend over, flaunting her wares?
SUDDENLY HAS MONEY FOR "LITTLE EXTRAS." She starts showing up with fancy earrings, designer shoes and other items you didn't pay for.
OVERLY FLIRTATIOUS WITH YOUR PALS. You may spot her perched on a buddy's lap at a cocktail party, making small talk. This could be a position she's grown very comfortable with.
ALWAYS HAS PLENTY OF DOLLAR BILLS ON HAND. Or when she gets change back at the supermarket, she may reflexively tuck it in the band of her underwear.
DANCES DIRTY. A gal who wiggles around in the laps of strange men for cash is likely to fall into raunchy, groin-to-butt moves on the dance floor.
WON'T TELL YOU WHERE SHE WORKS. Says she has a "great new part-time job working as a cocktail waitress," but won't tell you where she works.
ODDLY IMMODEST. In the past, she never even undressed in front of the dog, but now she waltzes by the window nude without a second thought.
Personally, I have found that I do have an arched back most of the time. Brigette, I am with you when you say that you ahve to 'tone down' your dancing when you are out with 'normal' friends!
And Alexis, as I work during the day too, I completely agree with you on this one:
"You get pissed off at your day job because obnoxious guys talk to you and you're thinking that they should be paying you to endure their conversation. "
Very funny!
Angel
08-07-2003, 08:14 AM
LMAO!
I think Im gonna like it here, finally dancers with a sense of humour.
natalie
08-07-2003, 12:53 PM
....your pet has glitter in its fur.
LOLOLOLOL!!! i thought that was so cute. and TRUE! :D
natalie
08-07-2003, 01:00 PM
1. You have to put tatoo makeup on your vertebrae, shins, and knees to go out.
LMFAO! SOOO TRUE! this thread rocks. thanks for all the laughs! i dont think ive laughed so hard in a LONG time! :D
Scarlett
08-08-2003, 10:56 AM
You know you're a stripper when....
Any man asks you your name and you give them your stage name without a beat.
You go out dancing with your friends and wish you were at work so you could get paid for the flirting your doing.
....when you go out with 'regular' friends and feel the need to censor yourself on the dancefloor.
....when you go out in public and catch strange people pointing you out as if you're a minor celebrity.
....you have two separate sections of your wardrobe and makeup - one for your 'regular' self and one for your 'stripper' self.
....every pair of shoes you own has some sort of high heel.
....12pm is a REALLY early hour to wake up.
....6am is a normal hour to go to bed.
....your concept of 'tomorrow' is far different from that of everyone else you know.
....your pet has glitter in its fur.
....you speak of retirement at an age when most other people are just getting revved in their careers.
....your body creaks more than your grandmother's.
....you drop $100 on cheap plastic shoes without batting an eye, but scoff at paying more than $25 for a decent pair of leather shoes.
....your selection of costumes, high heels and makeup competes with that of a drag queen.
....drag queens ask you where you got your _____, when you're just walking down the sidewalk.
....you can walk into any crowd in any situation and command the attention of everyone present.
This is so true it's scary.Plain observation is scary but objective observation is almost painful.Bridgeet i find your style of writing refreshing and honest,i can only think of nice things to say to you so i'll stop!
.....when you pray the tubes(underground) are empty so you can swing round the pole in the carriage.
....you think it's normal to spend as much money on your rent on Black cab fares daily.
....you have an extensive corporate clientelle base that would make your bank manager jealous.
....your daughter's first sung lyric is "work it a little bit sexy everything about you is sexy" -liberty x
....you are hiding a wad of notes under the bathroom flooring because you dont want your b/f to get the wrong idea about your job!
tampopo
08-08-2003, 07:20 PM
Oh man, this thread is great! It should be compiled and published somewhere.
...your standards for intelligence are about a hundred notches lower than they used to be
...thinking up new pole tricks keeps you awake at night
...your main topics of conversation are hair removal and boob size
...you think $50/hour is miserable pay
...you gawk more at beautiful women than beautiful men
...being called a bitch by another girl doesn't faze you
...you think you recognize every guy in the mall or grocery store from the club
...you can arrive in any town and have a job that night.
NYCjacqueline
08-08-2003, 09:50 PM
ooo, Lena, that's true!
...you can lie and not feel bad about it.
...you can creatively lie, at that. (my friend told her customer that she taught her cat to skateboard. he believed her - scary!)
...you walk into the deli at 4am getting weird stares because you're wearing bummy sweats while in full makeup & lashes
...you can look at a guy and guess his occupation within 3 tries (this is especially true in my club!)
....the cashier hands you your change, you wink and say "spank ya, babe" (woops).
preciousinMO
08-10-2003, 02:02 PM
1. I watch T.V. on the floor folded like a pretzle and it's confortable.
2.On the weekend my house looks like a lingere shop(laundry day)
anastacia
08-10-2003, 09:00 PM
you love your body more than you ever have.
NikkiD
08-10-2003, 11:35 PM
... You meet a guy at a normal bar or club and you have to pause to think about your stage name/real name, err...
... People look at you strange and only then you realize that not only is a twenty wrapped around your finger, your fondling your own breasts
... You can try on an outfit in a fitting room in 20 seconds or less, without taking off your shoes
NikkiD
08-10-2003, 11:37 PM
[quote]... You meet a guy at a normal bar or club and you have to pause to think about your stage name/real name, err...
... People look at you strange and only then you realize that not only is a twenty wrapped around your finger, your fondling your own breasts
... You can try on an outfit in a fitting room in 20 seconds or less, without taking off your shoes
... You keep scissors near the tampons... to cut the string
... You have bruises on your knees
Bailey
08-13-2003, 05:53 AM
These are brilliant!
Tampopo - I spent many sleepless nights trying to work out how to do one certain move!
Amaya
08-13-2003, 07:40 PM
There is a pole in your home or apartment!
Zabrina
08-13-2003, 08:52 PM
.....your days off are the same days you wear your period panties.
....you shrug off expensive shopping trips by saying, "I'll just work a double on Friday."
....your hair just keeps getting blonder and blonder.
.....Your friend brags about a 2 dollar per hour raise and you feel pity for her.
Bailey
08-17-2003, 03:07 AM
...for a night out clubbing you buy a skirt that should probably be described more accurately as a belt!
I always used to wear trousers and jeans - in fact friends used to ask if I actually had any legs as they'd never seen them. Yesterday I bought and went out in a tiny skirt - and I didn't feel in the slightest bit self-concious!
....names like 'Dani Starr'(copyrighted!!) and 'Amber Night' are common place amongst you and work peers!
BigRed1970
08-17-2003, 12:00 PM
from the dancers that I know.
"when your home address ends with "INN" or "Suites"
and for the club regulares like me.
" the first thing you size up when you meet a gal is her on stage potential" I am as guity as sin of this. I have several lady friends that could own the stage.....
nikki
08-19-2003, 03:55 PM
I love them all. I've been laughin my ass off!!!! here's only a couple i thought of....
Ya know you're a stripper when....
You go to a regular dance club and your dancing with your girls on the dance floor cages, etc, and a guy comes up to you and gives you money, just because they think you're an awesome dancer and they don't even know your a stripper. Then later in they night they come back up to you and bring friends that give you money also....
When your hair and makeup,etc looks 10xx better at work then when you go out with friends or they guy your dating.
Devastating Divyne
08-19-2003, 05:10 PM
You feel totally comfortable being naked with only shoes and a choker on, bent over with your legs spread and looking another female straight in the face and asking ,"You can't see my string can you?"
You catch yourself doing a string check when you are not working.
You have a handheld blacklight that you take stripper shopping with you so you are positive b/4 you buy that the outfit really does glow.
You know more doctors, lawyers, politicians, and businessmen of the top of your head than anyone.
PTsprincess
09-22-2003, 12:54 PM
1) when you go to dinner leave a tip and leave 4 free passes to your club for the male server.
2) Pay your personal trainer for your first month of training in passes...
...you have to fight the urge to give your boyfriend a lapdance in the VIP booth of a NIGHTCLUB when a sexy song comes on.
True story. Last Friday night. Too many Screwdrivers.
madgrad
09-22-2003, 07:04 PM
Your idea of sexy nightware are sweatpants, and pajamas.
Your idea of "Buisness Attire" is most of the Victoria's Secret catalog, your old highschool cheerleader uniform, and a Catholic School girl uniform.
You've had thousands of dollars worth of contracting, and services done for free by regulars, that would put a normal person in Bankruptcy for years.
You consider 25 phone calls from men in an hour "normal", and your not a telemarketer.
Have had at least 3 marriage proposals a night from perfect strangers.
Have had the following items sent to you everyday for month: Flowers, Perfume, Cards, Jewlery, and stuffed animals. From 5 different people, and you don't know thier names.
You will know by first name, all the cops, paramedics, nurses, waitresses, and hookers because they all eat at the same place you do when you get off shift.
Have dropped at least one weight on the foot of a "customer" more than once at gym for rudely interrupting your work out by giving you a grope.
Have had at least one crazy women come after you 3 day's later for giving her husband a lap dance.
Dropped out of highschool at 18 yet drive an SUV or Mercedes reserved for CEO's at 19 one year after dancing.
Can't remember your real name anymore when it comes to filling out paper work.
Consider, coming home with $200 in cash a bad night at work....
Charisma
09-24-2003, 09:46 PM
Start absentmindedly slipping of the straps of your tanktop and gyrating when a sexy song comes on the radio...in the car...while you're driving.
BigRed1970
09-24-2003, 09:56 PM
you can fit your entire wardrobe into a Crown liquor bag.
you use a friends car as a dressing room. while on the lnterstate...... (she almost made me wreak)
Cagney
09-25-2003, 04:14 AM
....when your nipples are permanently hard
....when its not a treat anymore to get a mani/pedi...its just part of the job..*sigh*
....When you can walk all night in 7 inch platforms, but when youre walking up the steps to your house in adidas sandals, you bust your ass....yeah...true story, last night...
....When you have to cover up every little scrape n bruise...so you have 2 different bottles of foundations n concealer!!!! lol
This is great girlz, keep it up....ya'll have thought of everything!
Kisses
HotBiDancerInPhily
09-25-2003, 04:26 AM
buying and trying on clothes u wlak around in ur bra and underwear infront of whoever and not caring
Bella21
09-25-2003, 06:38 AM
... you stop being polite to strangers dumb jokes, comments, pick up lines, etc. because they're not gonna tip you or buy a dance anyway.
... being on top is a new fave sex position
... you start thinking your boyfriend should give you a few dollars for givin' such great head :)
... your sex drive goes through the ROOF
... you try every beauty tip in the book to get rid of ingrown hairs!
... you're considering at least one cosmetic surgery procedure that you would have blown off before. NOW it sounds good though... :)
DAISYlicious
09-25-2003, 01:51 PM
A pimple on your butt is more of a problem than one on your face.
madgrad
09-28-2003, 08:09 PM
Your friends at your regular job find out, and leave folded dollar bills on your desk to show thier support.
You earn 2 Grand a night but refuse to pay your $20 parking tickets, until the collective fines reach 10 grand, and you want your Mercedes back from the impound lot.
Your nice to perfect strangers, and jerks in the club, but the minute your BF makes a tiny error you tear into him with a vengance.
You've been followed home at least once by an obsessed cutomer.
You've had your car trashed by an obsessed customer at least once.
You begin looking furiously for areas without zoning laws to open up your own club in when you retire.
Your on this board regulary to discuss issues that affect you in the club without having to worry about retaliation by other girls and managment.
Paris
09-30-2003, 03:11 PM
Wow, Madgrad, what club do you work at?? Where do I sign up? I have never met anyone in the last year who earns $1000 in a night much less $2000??
I think the norm is more around $15-30 an hour if you are working in a decent club. You know, like a good bartender earns.
Please post your clubs!! I bet lots of the ladies here would love to know where you are located.
I realize that you are just making general statements, that sound cute and funny, but really can $2000.00 a night be acheived in your club?
madgrad
09-30-2003, 04:21 PM
SF Bay Area during the boom most likely. I saw the saw some of the postings....
Charisma
09-30-2003, 08:19 PM
you can run up and down 2 flights of stairs in six inch stilettos at full speed while applying lipgloss.
I did it to night and didn't realize it...I got back downstairs and was like..."did i really just do that without landing on my ass?!"
-C
Ravin
09-30-2003, 08:53 PM
This was a blast to read through. I don't have any of my own yet as I haven't began my career. However, a lot of these You know you are a stripper when....seem to apply to me already.
Bridgette
09-30-2003, 11:59 PM
...you can creatively lie, at that. (my friend told her customer that she taught her cat to skateboard. he believed her - scary!)
LMFAO!!!!! HAHAHA that is funny! I usually tell my customers that I have a cat...I would love to see their faces if I told them I taught her to skateboard! LOLOLOL!
A pimple on your butt is more of a problem than one on your face.
....DAISYlicious
Hehehe - right on that is so true! I always fret WAY more over a butt-pimple than a face-pimple ;)
you can run up and down 2 flights of stairs in six inch stilettos at full speed while applying lipgloss.
I did it to night and didn't realize it...I got back downstairs and was like..."did i really just do that without landing on my ass?!"
-C
That one is great! I never thought about how fast I take the stairs when I've just finished a lap and have to dive downstairs to jump onstage because I'm next, carrying a drink in one hand and my Betty Boop case-purse in the other, not even thinking about looking at the stairs, but trying to survey the crowd on my way down and decide which songs I'll play for that particular crowd - and mind I won't spill a drop of that drink either! LOL Jeez if guys only had a clue what we REALLY go through to do our job well, they would NEVER consider telling us how 'easy we have it'.
*********
You know you're a stripper when...
....you can do more impressive tricks than alot of gymnasts, PLUS you do them while wearing 6+" stilettos after having a few drinks.
....you wear a size 4 and are in better physical shape than 90% of the population, but you still criticize your body incessantly...and so do other people.
....you can run up and down stairs all night in high heels faster than any man, including bouncers.
....you can turn down the most stupid, childish pickup line and still make the guy smile and beg for more.
....you go out to a bar with your 'normal' friend, decide to have a bottle of champagne for yourselves, and a 'guy you know' pays the bartender without expecting anything but a smile from you.
....you have never spun a record in your life but you are the neighborhood music expert.
....you actually want to work on your birthday because you know you'll make alot of money that day.
....you never have to work if you don't feel like it!
Devastating Divyne
10-01-2003, 10:08 AM
You can fix yourself a drink by putting the glass into your bikini top and the leverage and force of "your girls" holds the glass perfectly upright and still, so that you have both of your hands free for pouring or mixing.
One way that you spot other dancers is not by what they have on, but the fact that their ponytail holder which looks kinda thick is actually a thong. You recognize it b/c in a pinch you do the same.
Vegas_DJ
10-03-2003, 02:45 PM
You don't own any porn, but you've met more porn stars than most people can imagine.
Un huh...sure you don't. JK ;)
VDJ
Vegas_DJ
10-03-2003, 03:02 PM
When you go to an office party and want to take your clothes off for money!
This could also work to your benefit in other situations as well....like when Bible-Thumpers come to your door and want to save you...after seeing you in your B-Day suit, it will be hard to keep their mind on what they are there for (lest they be thinking about how many times they are going to have to go to confessional that week to make up for all of the things they are thinking since you opened the door). I bet they would rather worship in your temple, than theirs. You probably won't tarnish these young souls by doing this, but you'll definitely give them something to talk about in their next group meeting. This could, however, backfire. They could relay their story to the group back at the temple and a whole bunch of people might decide that you need saving and might show up at your door, en masse, at which time you could invite them in, offer them some coffee, or a Pepsi, then ask them to stay while you spool up the Rocco Sifredi and Seymore Butts Porn-a-thon you were about to watch. ;)
(I'm going to hell for that little joke. )
VDJ
Vegas_DJ
10-03-2003, 03:15 PM
How is baby oil evil? Let me count the ways. It leaves the pole gripless, the floor slick, and can literally send you flat on ur back with just one step. Go up after a newbie who is all oiled up and does floor work, and after the fifth time u bust ur ass trying to get up off the floor b/c u feel as soon as u got onstage u will understand. It seems like every newbie comes in with that baby oil gel and somebody always looks at her and says, put that down b/4 somebody tries to stab u with a stiletto. I have seem too many falls and bad accidents. I don't even use it in regular life anymore except when I give my ole boy massages.
Also, it is my understanding that Baby Oil is a magnet for Vitamin B-12, and other vitamins and minerals. They get attracted/attached to the molecules of Baby Oil and are carried out of your system, leaving you deficient in much needed vitamins/nutrients.
That was the last thing that I remember reading about it.
VDJ
Miss Courtney
12-07-2003, 11:43 PM
..... when you are standing in line at shop and you find yourself swaying your hips to the music, then realise everyone is looking at you
..... when you are in public and you automatically reach down your top and adjust your breasts without thinking
..... when you automatically stuff money down your top or pants even when not at work
azuredee
12-08-2003, 06:52 PM
when you don't restrain yourself from pole work in a city street.
when you refuse to wear make-up in real life.
when you realize that approximately 100,000 men have seen you naked
when you wink at the cute guy in your calculus class instead of saying a casual 'what's up?'
when you wish a hangover is why you're so tired in class that morning
when you realize you should fib on a grad school app.
when glitter is in your pets' fur and you don't wear glitter at work.
when you won't give your boyfriend a lap dance
when your boyfriend complains that his bachelor party will suck because he's hung out with so many strippers for so long.
when you're 23 on the outside and 50 on the inside.
when you don't care who's looking.
when you dress in sweats with a ponytail, no makeup and a 'don't talk to me' attitude.
when you refuse to wear shorts in the summer because you don't want to be checked out.
when a 'love bite' becomes a need for cover-up.
when you pay for EVERYTHING in cash, no matter what the cost.
when friends ask for your advice on make-up and they've only seen you wear it three times.
*when you can be perfectly ready to go out in 15 minutes or less.
you check out girls instead of guys.
when you both love and hate your body.
when you have to come up with some reason to explain to your parents ______________(enter item here).
when you can eat WHATEVER you want and stay a size 4 because your workout consists of a hardwood floor, a brass pole, six inch plastic stilletos and heavy metal and your friends ask for diet advise.
when you feel a little bad about this.
this can go forever (and apparently has)
When you realize, at a "real" job, that one of the guys from "the other side" has been checking you out instead of hating you like the rest of the enemies. Your first thought is "hmm, I bet he's seen me naked" and when you mention this to your supervisor she tells you that it couldn't hurt anything for you to flirt with him just a bit.
(god I love my life)
Malibu
12-09-2003, 02:12 AM
You walk with a bum shake, or a cute wiggling of the hips.
Miss Courtney
12-09-2003, 04:17 AM
when you get home or wake up and you still have your garter around your leg
Lilith
12-09-2003, 05:51 AM
When you go out to dinner and a complete stranger picks up the check. Turns out, he was the bachelor's best bud from three nights ago.
When you walk through the mall and overhear, "And MAN, is she flexible!"
When you can repair anything with concealer, a garter, three rubber bands and a large safety pin.
When you walk past the children's school uniform section and think, "Work clothes!"
When three inch heels make you feel short.
Whe you go out to a normal club and feel the overwhelming urge to work the crowd.