View Full Version : You know you are a Stripper when.....
flickad
12-26-2012, 10:23 AM
You constantly catch yourself about to use your stage name rather than your real one in the straight world.
burst
02-14-2013, 01:09 AM
When you can tell what kind of drugs someone does without ever asking them if they even do any.
When your lies about all your bruises are a little too detailed and creative to be true.
When you have a permanent callous underneath your middle finger.
And on your wrist.
When you can tell how many singles are in your stack just by the weight of it.
And on the occasion that you do choose to take a Friday night off and go to a "real bar" with your "real friends", you wind up twerking and clapping anyway. :P
sincity55
02-14-2013, 01:25 AM
*When you're showers take twice as long just to make sure your legs are shaved perfect.
*When you find different color hair your bag/house.
*When you're out and some guy tries to talk to you...you gag at the thought of FREE conversation.
*When you don't care about how you look outside of work (makeup, hair, etc) b/c you can't make money anyways.
*It irritates the crap out of you when you see a guy who has $ and you're not at work.
*When you bitch about $600 night on a weekend night and then the next night you feel grateful you made $300.
*When putting your Uggs on at the end of the night relieves all of your anger/stress.
Sqrlbby
03-11-2013, 12:13 PM
OK, ladies and gents. I thought this would be a fun thread to start. I'll go first
You know you are a
2) You start to think of your future purchases in lap dances. Example: it's gonna take 5 lap dances for me to buy this new bracelet
Come on guys, start thinking. Let's see how funny, realistic or whatever this can get! 8)
Hahaha this is to true I always do that...or rooms lol
tempest666
03-12-2013, 02:26 AM
When you go to the Wawa after work and are always guaranteed free coffee because the entire 3rd shift crew has seen you naked :D
mia_fey
03-12-2013, 09:43 PM
When taking a BREAK from dancing, you're still buying shoes and outfits like you're going back to work that night.
summerbre
03-12-2013, 10:01 PM
When you can tell what kind of drugs someone does without ever asking them if they even do any.
So true!!!! Never thought of this before... IDK if that comes from being a stripper, or a lot of experimenting in my lifetime. LOL.
*When you're showers take twice as long just to make sure your legs are shaved perfect.
*When you find different color hair your bag/house.
*When you're out and some guy tries to talk to you...you gag at the thought of FREE conversation.
*When you don't care about how you look outside of work (makeup, hair, etc) b/c you can't make money anyways.
*It irritates the crap out of you when you see a guy who has $ and you're not at work.
*When you bitch about $600 night on a weekend night and then the next night you feel grateful you made $300.
*When putting your Uggs on at the end of the night relieves all of your anger/stress.
All of this is very very true!
Addison
03-13-2013, 06:31 AM
When you have more numbers in your phone belonging to 50-70 year old men than men your age
summerbre
03-13-2013, 01:27 PM
When you're trying to figure out your projected annual income and you have a $20,000-$40,000 range of uncertainty.
"Can I afford to buy this house? SHIT, I don't know!" LOL.
Graziella
03-16-2013, 08:18 PM
.... When all the girls saved in your phone have two names and all the guys are saved with nicknames to help you remember who they are and where you met them ... lol
hollywood6
03-17-2013, 02:47 PM
You have more lingerie than you ever will regular clothes.
luscious sadie
03-18-2013, 05:40 PM
.... When all the girls saved in your phone have two names and all the guys are saved with nicknames to help you remember who they are and where you met them ... lol
THIS. I have had to get more and more specific "Eric miner called you sweet thing"
xGigi
03-19-2013, 09:06 AM
When you get hit on outside of work you forget you can say "I have a boyfriend" because you're so used to being "single" so you won't hurt your money!
xGigi
03-19-2013, 09:26 AM
When you blow your rent money 3 days before the 1st because you wanted to go on a shopping spree and make all the money back in a day or two
When your friends ask how you're friends with so many DJs if you don't go clubbing
When your friends invite you to a party and ask if you're working that night and you have to stop yourself from saying "I haven't decided yet!"
When you've been a "bartender" for years and don't know how to make a single drink.
When you have uttered the phrase "I could write a book about this place" at least 100 times
summerbre
03-19-2013, 09:29 AM
When you blow your rent money 3 days before the 1st because you wanted to go on a shopping spree and make all the money back in a day or two
When your friends ask how you're friends with so many DJs if you don't go clubbing
When your friends invite you to a party and ask if you're working that night and you have to stop yourself from saying "I haven't decided yet!"
When you've been a "bartender" for years and don't know how to make a single drink.
When you have uttered the phrase "I could write a book about this place" at least 100 times
^ LOLOLOLOL. This is pretty much my life. Esp bold.
tempest666
03-19-2013, 11:04 AM
When you walk into the wig store with a friend and meticulously inspect the wigs have combs to prevent them from being snatched off by ardent and unsuspecting customers trying to "pet" your hair. (IMO a lot more of a pain in the culo than boob or pussy grabbing)
aperfectseal
03-19-2013, 01:13 PM
When you've been a "bartender" for years and don't know how to make a single drink.
Oh my gosh this is SO ME!!!!!!!!! Lol!
mia_fey
05-05-2013, 10:08 AM
When you know you could earn more from your boss at your vanilla job in a night at the club than what he pays you for a whole week at your vanilla job lol.
ToeOfTheCamel
05-05-2013, 01:21 PM
When you calculate time by songs, like when you're in the car going somewhere. "It should take me X amount of songs to get there..."
Or maybe that's just me....
Selina M
05-05-2013, 01:57 PM
When you have to resist the urge to tell a guy "That'll be $5" when they hit on you in person.
When you start giving your SO sales lessons based on what works ITC.
When you know you could earn more from your boss at your vanilla job in a night at the club than what he pays you for a whole week at your vanilla job lol.
Lol I do this all the time . And I also wonder how much I could get from my vanilla job coworkers if they ever came in my club or I try to imagine what kind of custy they would be.
whirlerz
05-07-2013, 06:41 PM
When you walk into the wig store with a friend and meticulously inspect the wigs have combs to prevent them from being snatched off by ardent and unsuspecting customers trying to "pet" your hair. (IMO a lot more of a pain in the culo than boob or pussy grabbing)
OMG so TRUE! I despise anyone touching my hair, & guys always want to>:(
tempest666
05-08-2013, 09:58 AM
When you're at a concert wipe yourself with wipies from your purse, stop and do a "vagina check" in the mirror much to the shock and horror of the civilian females in the loo. (Happened at the BFMV concert this weekend) ooops
Selina M
05-09-2013, 01:14 PM
You can pick out a sugar daddy/baby pair (or dancer and custy OTC) in a restaurant, and give the guy that knowing look when he catches your eye
You find yourself automatically spouting cute lines and sticking out your cleavage at any man you have to "deal with" in some fashion... (keeps happening with male managers at straight jobs I apply for... I'd have 5 jobs already if there was no second interview with the woman manager :( )
hollywood6
05-12-2013, 12:52 AM
You catch yourself tuning out of normal conversations with people in your personal life, because you are so used to doing it with customers and pretending like you are listening. Oops. I recently caught myself getting into this bad habit ):
Otoki
05-13-2013, 04:33 PM
When touching up your perfume in a public bathroom, you automatically spray your neck-chest-wrists-crotch-butt-ankles all at lightening speed and throw the bottle back in your purse, only to look up and see a line of women gawking at you.
When you meet a person for the first time, you find yourself answering their questions before they even finish asking them because you've had this same conversation 10,000 times already.
When you could sell ice to an Eskimo and get a tip on top of that.
When "low rise underwear" at the mall looks like huge Granny panties to you.
When you catch yourself strutting down street, chest out and all, and have to remind yourself to tone it down.
All of these. I don't wear perfume but I just laughed my ass off at this image because I think sometimes about how bizarre these things look to non-strippers.
charlotte_ai
05-15-2013, 02:15 PM
When you hear those 4, sweet sweet words
"Take. my. money. bitch."
zivlet
05-28-2013, 07:44 AM
When you're a target for dumb questions.
'Wow , you actually have a degree?So you must be intelligent then!' (no dude, listen-all strippers are dumb-don't be deluding yourself!'
'Do you actually make money doing this?' (No, we do it for love, duh!)
'Why don't you go work somewhere else!In XYZ club-you'd make more money!' (Yes I am dumb enough to work somewhere I make no money aren't I!Why didnt I think of this before-you're a genius!)
'You're too pretty/clever/classy to do this job' (Yes, men want a load of ugly idiots when you come into stripclubs,don't you!I'll go get dressed and work in the shop next door...)
...........
charlotte_ai
05-28-2013, 08:27 AM
'Why don't you go work somewhere else!In XYZ club-you'd make more money!'
In our club the rules are very strict about touching, and I head this a lot, where XYZ usually refers to higher-mileage clubs or brothels where they'd be able to touch your boobs, get more from a pvt show, girls there are dirtier, they offer FS, etc. (touching is illegal in our state except in brothels) They're usually seedier guys who WISH you'd work there so they could touch you.
I hate this line. I'm like, Uhhh dude, I don't need to work there, and if I did, I still wouldn't need to offer more mileage to make money. But that's usually the motivation for these comments.
zivlet
05-28-2013, 08:34 AM
In our club the rules are very strict about touching, and I head this a lot, where XYZ usually refers to higher-mileage clubs or brothels where they'd be able to touch your boobs, get more from a pvt show, girls there are dirtier, they offer FS, etc. (touching is illegal in our state except in brothels) They're usually seedier guys who WISH you'd work there so they could touch you.
I hate this line. I'm like, Uhhh dude, I don't need to work there, and if I did, I still wouldn't need to offer more mileage to make money. But that's usually the motivation for these comments.
It's definitely the grounding for it here, sometimes-even though I work in a contact club (no touching boobs or bits but legs,thighs,torso etc are okay)-other clubs have a reputation for actual 'extras' and mine doesn't so you're probably right for a lot of the time,
Other times, I think idiots come into the 'divey' club I work in and they've been in a more glitzy club in a big city and their minds are that simple that they think I can't possibly be making money if there isn't a cream carpet/massive stage/formal dresscode....
Or, because those clubs are busier when they go in. I used to work in a club that was always busy, nice ,glamourous decor,the entry fee was only £5, the drinks were cheap and it was always packed-but not with customers for the girls!With guys figuring it's a good place to drink!I struggled to make £ there and the housefee was high. The club I work now isn't as busy but the guys who come in usually come in because they want a dance!I get that a lot-'But if you worked in XYZ you'd make more money, it's loads busier!' Usually said early on when nowhere's busy anyway lol
MyButter
05-28-2013, 03:39 PM
-You constantly over tip, to the point where even people at the recipient end of the tipping spectrum will say things like "...seriously?" or "...um, are you sure?"
-Your offspring is genuinely shocked when you explain to her that there aren't any dollars in your purse today.
charlie61
05-28-2013, 03:49 PM
-You constantly over tip, to the point where even people at the recipient end of the tipping spectrum will say things like "...seriously?" or "...um, are you sure?"
Yesss. Back when I was dancing 2-3 days a week, I'd tip up to 100% for an $80 haircut (because I wanted to ensure a high level of quality for the next time I'd come in...I mean, we make money off of our hair, so it's kind of important!). I've found that people sometimes get creeped out when I tip that much. :P
zivlet
05-30-2013, 03:34 AM
'I'll buy a £40 dance if you let me go down on you'
'No'.
'?!?But why?You'll get £40, AND you'll get to cum'!!
(dude, seriously your ugly stubbly face on my vulva will NOT make me cum)....
lynn2009
05-30-2013, 05:30 AM
When club music comes on the radio at your day job and you have to resist the urge to start dancing
nessagolightly
05-30-2013, 11:17 AM
When you need a new frame for your deceased grandmas photo in your house and can't remember if it is 4x6 or 5x7... And the only measuring device you have for comparison is a 7 inch stripper heel and you thoroughly contemplate using it.
Mad Max
05-30-2013, 11:20 AM
You're in a taxi on the way home and you catch yourself rotating your hips in a semi grind in time to the music on the radio.
ManyRoses
06-03-2013, 05:44 PM
Definitely on the tipping - I ALWAYS overtip, especially on a good night - and if I have a great night, I feel like I need to really over ti to keep the good money karma going.
I had a cab driver argue with me the other night, that I was trying to give him too much after a great night at the club. GAH! Shut up and take my money! LOL
arielbriel
06-05-2013, 01:30 PM
You say things like " I couldnt imagine working 40 hours a week or waking up in the morning or being told what time I HAVE to be at work " LOL
charlie61
06-05-2013, 05:10 PM
...when you find yourself avoiding fun activities in your real life that may negatively affect your appearance (camping trip -> bug bites, day of hiking -> unsightly tan lines, ice-skating rink -> potential for breaking bones).
I try not to let it affect my real life too much, but whenever I'm dancing as my sole means of income, I definitely have made decisions based on the appearance-heavy aspect of being a stripper...
lol1337a
06-07-2013, 03:18 AM
^^My boyfriend and a few of our friends started playing in a dodgeball league a couple months ago but I've been 'busy' every time (aka remaining unbruised). I also assume I'll need a few days off anytime I move because I look like a battered woman for about a week. Shitty Irish skin.
tuesdaymarie
06-13-2013, 07:53 PM
I was talking to my boyfriend about how shitty my regular job search has been.
Him: "Don't worry about it. Just work at a club once a week and write. You'll be happier that way anyway."
Me, tearfully/panicky: "But... but what if I have a bad shift and have to work two nights???"
I quickly realized how awful it sounded...
zivlet
06-13-2013, 08:05 PM
Haha I did something similar this weekend.I did good on Friday night, earned what himself earns in a week.Saturday night was rubbish and I was having a right rant at him about how I wasn't making enough £ and how I can't be earning that bad on a Saturday night and he was like ' Dude, it took me all week to earn what you just did in 14 hours....
Misskatia
06-13-2013, 09:32 PM
You catch yourself tuning out of normal conversations with people in your personal life, because you are so used to doing it with customers and pretending like you are listening.
Sometimes this is like me, but I am usually active listening until I remember that I'm not getting any money out of this and then I tune them out lol
jadealexa
06-20-2013, 10:51 AM
When guy takes you on a first date and you sneakily look at how much he tips the waitress...just so you know what kind of man you're out with. :reporter:
Also something I never cared about before dancing: Now all my regular "at home" bras and panties have to match for me to feel sexy /:O
charlie61
06-20-2013, 11:47 AM
When you step into your shirts at home instead of pulling them over your head.
simone87
06-20-2013, 01:10 PM
when you take your kid to the jungle gym and can't resist doing a few pole tricks on the swing-set bars! haha.
Triixie
06-22-2013, 06:17 AM
when I walk up to a guy in various situations in regular life and have to stop myself from asking if he wants a lapdance....
Addison
06-24-2013, 06:43 AM
When you understand the satisfying relief of removing your eyelashes after a long day at work
zivlet
06-24-2013, 06:55 AM
When you're locked out of home and climb up the street sign outside to knock your boyfriend up to let you in (Yes I really did do this recently) ...