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View Full Version : You know you are a Stripper when.....



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Aniela
06-11-2015, 09:41 AM
Also, when you tell the dirty flirty old men at your vanilla job it's $1/perv & they actually pay up at the $10 & $20 marks

whirlerz
06-11-2015, 09:44 AM
Whenever you don't like something, your first urge is to get up and walk away.

I hate group work and last week the lab instructor started the first class with "You WILL work in groups". I rolled my eyes and had to restrain myself SO bad from getting up and walking out.
Anytime anyone says anything I don't like, I have a really hard time quelling the automatic eye roll and/or witty sarcastic response :/

Ahahaha!^ Thanks for enlightening me, I never knew why I did this, other than I'm a sarcastic B. :)

lynn2009
06-11-2015, 01:11 PM
When you didn't realize how over-stretched your shirt is, causing your boobs to keep falling out in the real world and you simply cannot bring yourself to care.

charlie61
06-12-2015, 04:42 AM
...when you have stripper nightmares.

Forgetting to put on makeup before a shift, forgetting all of your outfits and/or shoes, falling off stage, starting your period in the middle of a lapdance, working a shift that never ends, having to sell $2500 single dances, trying to dance on stage and the floor won't stop moving, etc.

chloe25
06-13-2015, 06:07 AM
When having a perfectly timed spray tan dictates your social life
When you find yourself with a major gap in your resume, but lots of transferable skills to compensate!
When you get excited that baby wipes are on sale!
When you have to come up with interesting reasons why you need to be out every Friday and Saturday night
When half the people you know call you by a different name
When you find yourself in the supermarket with a couple grand chillin in your wallet
When it's a serious problem that you can't find your fake eyelashes
When your upsetting you only made more money in one night then most people made in a week.
When your trying to get out a tampon, but there's nothing there, and then realise later you must have taken it out last night when u were drunk!

zoezoebelle
06-13-2015, 08:54 PM
When you literally cannot be bothered to wear a bra in public unless you're on a date, and makeup only if it's with a guy you really like.

charlie61
06-13-2015, 09:25 PM
When the couple of days after a night shift are virtually useless and pass in a haze because you're catching up on sleep and recovering from bruises / sore muscles.

carmen_b
06-14-2015, 02:47 AM
You tell your boyfriend when at the pet store that you want to go to " puppy vip " or the " puppy champagne room " when you want to go to the corner where they ( very watchfully ) let you hold a dog.

Vyanka
06-19-2015, 03:09 AM
You're in bed around 5/6am, and the chirping of the birds sounds like they're saying "champagne champagne.....champagne "

zoezoebelle
06-19-2015, 09:19 PM
When people make references to billionaires, political lobbyists, senators or CEOs, and you say, "Yeah, I know a few of them."

charlie61
06-20-2015, 05:23 PM
Baby stripper: takes four hours to get ready for work, looks like she took fifteen minutes

Veteran stripper: takes an hour to get ready for work, looks like she took four hours

Leather_Jacket
06-20-2015, 07:01 PM
You go to said pole dancing class and listen to a bunch of girls defending themselves, righteously saying it's not a "stripper" class. It is for me... :party2:
I freakin hate that. It's like, bitch where do you think pole dancing came from?

wednesday86
06-20-2015, 07:13 PM
When there are g strings and thigh highs hanging up all over your bathroom to drip dry because you hand washed them in the sink.

Selina M
06-20-2015, 07:19 PM
When you go to Target and buy a satin/bejeweled bra and a shitload of makeup (including eyeshadow with glitter and fake eyelashes), pay for it with a $50 bill, and feel the stares of the mom with her kids in front of you.

zoezoebelle
06-20-2015, 09:08 PM
When you're used to refusing large sums of money on a daily basis without a second thought. "$900 to go out with you on a date? Nah, I'll pass." "An extra $100 to roleplay as your stepsister? Eewe, pass."

whirlerz
06-20-2015, 09:21 PM
When you go to Target and buy a satin/bejeweled bra and a shitload of makeup (including eyeshadow with glitter and fake eyelashes), pay for it with a $50 bill, and feel the stares of the mom with her kids in front of you.

Wow, my Targets don't have those^:(

Me: having stripper shoes, I notice even the nice/fancy shoes don't seem to be made as well..so thin, no support whatsoever.

charlie61
06-21-2015, 08:51 PM
Baby stripper: tentatively brushes on light-pink blush, hesitantly applies thin stroke of eyeliner

Veteran stripper: faceplants into makeup box

kaninchen
06-21-2015, 09:06 PM
You can eyeball a stack of crumpled ones and know how much is in it with a $5 or less margin of error. But you still count anyway, because counting money is ALWAYS fun!

You have a repertoire of dirty jokes that would embarrass even the sleaziest creepy uncle.

You know a dozen fancy ways to take your thong off.

SuperJa
06-21-2015, 09:57 PM
Baby stripper: tentatively brushes on light-pink blush, hesitantly applies thin stroke of eyeliner

Veteran stripper: faceplants into makeup box

Lmao this is so true. I'm working in a super dark club right now-

"Hmm, maybe I'll do a nice subtle smokey eye"
*applies black glitter shadow up to eyebrows*
*almost looks like I have makeup on*

charlie61
06-21-2015, 10:27 PM
...when you've gone through a webcamming phase (that lasted around five minutes). You get all excited about the possibilities of not having to touch customers, invest in some equipment, quickly realize the money is shit by comparison, and gratefully return to dancing soon thereafter.

Selina M
06-21-2015, 10:40 PM
Lmao this is so true. I'm working in a super dark club right now-

"Hmm, maybe I'll do a nice subtle smokey eye"
*applies black glitter shadow up to eyebrows*
*almost looks like I have makeup on*

If you don't look OBVIOUSLY like a stereotypical movie street prostitute in regular lighting... you're not wearing enough for the club.

charlie61
06-22-2015, 10:35 AM
You know you're a stripper when...

You open up the drier, and the one bikini top you threw into the wash with your civilian clothes is tangled around literally every other piece of clothing in there.

wednesday86
06-22-2015, 10:53 AM
baby stripper: sits with a customer for 45 minutes and maybe gets 1 lap dance

veteran stripper: sits with a customer for 10 minutes and gets a $400 CR

we should start a baby vs veteran thread!

wednesday86
06-22-2015, 10:55 AM
yesterday: you know you're a stripper when you're cleaning out your old purse and find a hundred dollars stack of $1s "oh sweet i forgot i put that there!" haha

whirlerz
06-22-2015, 11:05 AM
...when you've gone through a webcamming phase (that lasted around five minutes). You get all excited about the possibilities of not having to touch customers, invest in some equipment, quickly realize the money is shit by comparison, and gratefully return to dancing soon thereafter.

omg, so true!!!^^

Flickdreams
06-23-2015, 02:35 AM
^ there goes my exit plan :(((( Oh well, I'm net shy anyway.

charlie61
06-23-2015, 10:43 PM
You know you're a stripper when...

You and your significant other have a 15-minute, intense conversation about which style and cut of booty shorts looks best on your figure.

lynn2009
06-26-2015, 10:31 AM
when friends can't understand how forgetting your hair straightener is basically a crisis

kaninchen
06-26-2015, 10:43 AM
You're consulting with a friend about buying something, and her objection is, "But it costs $400! Isn't that a lot of money?" You are so confused by the equation of "$400" with "a lot of money" that you don't even know how to respond.

charlie61
06-28-2015, 03:25 PM
You know you're a stripper when...

You spend an entire shift moving gracefully, fluidly, flexibly, walking around the club as if you're floating on air, doing splits on stage, moving with goddess-like grace...and the second the music shuts off, you start moving like an 80-year-old woman.

charlie61
06-28-2015, 03:27 PM
...when you wish you had one of those raised toilets with handles made for elderly people / people with disabilities. Sitting down on the toilet after waking up from a busy shift is rough, man!

Aniela
06-28-2015, 04:11 PM
...when you wish you had one of those raised toilets with handles made for elderly people / people with disabilities. Sitting down on the toilet after waking up from a busy shift is rough, man!

Yes!!! That, & one of those nifty walk-in bathtub-shower combos complete w/ heated tub seat & steel wall-mounted railings!!!

zoezoebelle
06-28-2015, 06:05 PM
When Sunday consists of watching Pretty Woman while eating smoked salmon, reading articles about acquisitions, idly playing with your sore tits and trying not to move your incredibly sore everything else.

xStacey
06-28-2015, 08:31 PM
When you wonder why you ever thought millionaires were inaccessible to ordinary people.

charlie61
06-28-2015, 09:45 PM
...When you take an interest in clubs nation-wide with no intention of ever traveling to work, and you know exactly which clubs you'd work in for all major cities. And when newbs come on SW asking questions about where to dance in a certain area, you're like "Uh, obvs you should dance at x, y, or z...hello?!" without having to run a single search.

Vyanka
06-28-2015, 11:21 PM
When youre able to spot all the SDs with their SBs by a far, at a high end mall. Then you wanna go to shop around for one. Lol.

HallelujahHopkins
06-29-2015, 12:20 AM
When basketball shorts make you sneer with disgust.

kaninchen
07-04-2015, 05:49 PM
Saturday, 3pm: Roll out of bed, stiff and limping with joints cracking like a retired quarterback

Saturday, 9pm: Wear your platforms like you're walking on air and gracefully extend into full splits like it's nothing

charlie61
07-04-2015, 07:07 PM
...when the bottom of your dancer bag is littered with customers' numbers scribbled on various bits of paper-like material (receipts, bar napkins, etc.), along with assorted crap gifts they've bestowed upon you. ("Thank you SOOOO much, omg, you're SOOOO sweet!!" ::tosses into bottom of bag, never to be seen again:: ...)

Flickdreams
07-04-2015, 09:52 PM
^ I know, we should make customer name bingo cards....

Aniela
07-04-2015, 10:19 PM
When you hear that Pharrell song 'Happy' & every time he says 'Clap along' your firet thought is your favourite coworker in thong&heels, leaning on the pole & clapping her bum.

princesschantelle
07-05-2015, 05:16 AM
... you know what most of your friends look like naked.
... I forgot the other one but I'll edit it in later ^.^

ImmoralAllure
07-06-2015, 12:02 AM
deleted

wednesday86
07-06-2015, 12:22 AM
...when the bottom of your dancer bag is littered with customers' numbers scribbled on various bits of paper-like material (receipts, bar napkins, etc.), along with assorted crap gifts they've bestowed upon you. ("Thank you SOOOO much, omg, you're SOOOO sweet!!" ::tosses into bottom of bag, never to be seen again:: ...)

today i got a whole bandanna from a cowboy folded up with his # on it lol

wednesday86
07-06-2015, 11:04 PM
when you have 'breakfast' at 2pm, 'lunch' at 7pm and 'dinner' around midnight........my schedule is so effed

charlie61
07-06-2015, 11:46 PM
when you have 'breakfast' at 2pm, 'lunch' at 7pm and 'dinner' around midnight........my schedule is so effed

That is nooo joke, girl. If you're a full-time dancer, it's much easier to adjust to scheduling when you eat and sleep. But if you only work 1-2 nights a week and spend the rest of the week on a normal schedule, it is legit HARD to get a normal amount of sleep and catch up on eating enough calories.

ScarletKitten
07-07-2015, 02:34 AM
When you take some time off from dancing, and during those few months off you constantly go back and forth in your head: "I will never dance ever again. Ugh." and then "Damn, I want cash, I can't wait to go back!"

Damn bipolar brain!

AngieLee
07-07-2015, 11:18 AM
Not sure if this has been said already, but you know you're a stripper when you wish you could just wear your stripper shoes when you go out with your girlfriends/on a date because they're so much more comfortable than regular heels!

kaninchen
07-07-2015, 11:53 AM
You're single and horny but vaguely repulsed at the idea of going on dates. Really, wtf, I'm supposed to put on mascara and a push-up bra for FREE? Ridiculous!

wednesday86
07-07-2015, 12:08 PM
That is nooo joke, girl. If you're a full-time dancer, it's much easier to adjust to scheduling when you eat and sleep. But if you only work 1-2 nights a week and spend the rest of the week on a normal schedule, it is legit HARD to get a normal amount of sleep and catch up on eating enough calories.

ugh I know! and I'm starting school next month...I think my earliest class starts at 9am...that should be fun.