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View Full Version : You know you are a Stripper when.....



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gypsy1
09-20-2016, 09:43 PM
You can pull out the exact amount of cash you need from a stack of ones without counting first.

Balletpolegirl
09-25-2016, 12:12 AM
You grab your work bag on your way to the pole studio containing actual stripper stuff out of habit after a long night at work.

When you're the introvert at your pole class amongst chatty women who love small talk and giggle about "sexy" things you'd rather just not address because you have to deal with it for real at work.

Selina M
09-25-2016, 07:34 PM
You don't count when anyone hands you a stack of $$. You can tell by weight/bill colors that it's probably correct.

If you know there will be drunk strangers somewhere OTC, you avoid it. You just can't deal with that for free anymore.

You walk your dogs at 2 am wearing just a huge t-shirt that barely covers your ass and think "Who cares, legally it's covering everything... I'm not putting pants on".

Legz541
09-26-2016, 12:26 AM
My friend and I were just talking about this. Dubbed it the "stripper cry." The ability to be able to cry without messing up your makeup.

Selina M
10-19-2016, 12:33 AM
You (allegedly) have a famous musician trying to get you to stay at his table after dances... Despite being curious about who he is/if he's really that person, you leave as soon as the $20s dry up... much to his confusion.

Famous or nah, I'm still at work, you're tight with the bills, and I've been here 1.5 hours later than I intended on... I'm going home, bro.

Legz541
10-19-2016, 10:56 PM
You (allegedly) have a famous musician trying to get you to stay at his table after dances... Despite being curious about who he is/if he's really that person, you leave as soon as the $20s dry up... much to his confusion.

Famous or nah, I'm still at work, you're tight with the bills, and I've been here 1.5 hours later than I intended on... I'm going home, bro.

I've had that happen with pro athletes. I don't care what team you catch a ball for, I care about getting paid!

charlie61
12-25-2016, 12:38 PM
...when you can't complain about your job at all, ever, because people will immediately tell you to quit or will use one bad experience you had as proof that dancing is a horrible job overall and should be demonized.

charlie61
12-25-2016, 03:44 PM
...when half of your idiosyncrasies are not natural to you...you added them to your personality over the course of years of dancing based on positive feedback from men. But they're so normal to you now that you don't think of them as performative. (e.g. giggling, sneezing with a cute upward inflection at the end, demuring in conversations to increase others' confidence...)

#performanceoffemininity

rosafromeurope
02-06-2017, 12:59 PM
You know you just started stripping when...
-things you previously saw as waste-of-money luxuries - like hair extensions, cosmetics, perfume and cute lingerie - suddenly become necessities worth investing in
-your room is suddenly full of the aforementioned things ::)
-you freak out ten times more than you used to when a random man stops to look at you in the street

Lol I also noticed I'm far more confident and assertive when talking with men now (which used to be a major problem for me). I guess the thought process is "I'm not gonna be nice and giggly to you if you're not even paying me, bitch!"

vanessa_mtl
02-06-2017, 01:45 PM
Your dog sniffs you very intently and with vigour when you come home from work....

rosafromeurope
02-06-2017, 03:20 PM
Also: when you're having a "girls shopping day" with your friend who doesn't know you strip and she gives you an odd look when you throw six pairs of stay-ups in your shopping bag ;)

LoveyDovey
02-06-2017, 04:34 PM
Your body huurrrtsss

Sirocco
02-06-2017, 05:26 PM
When you wake up after your shift, crack your neck and feel like Frankenstein...
When you shop in Victoria Secret for work necessities...
When you write off your Pleasers off in your tax...
When you categorize your regulars: Doctors, Attorneys, Finance Advisors, Real Estate etc... Maybe that is more for OCD though :)))

fishielicious
02-10-2017, 09:41 PM
...when forgetting your locker combination isn't going to be a problem because you don't have your Algebra book for seventh period, but because you don't have your $700 for rent (until you get your manager to come with bolt cutters to help you out).

...when you consider a mesh minidress to be a modest outfit for a day at work.

…when you creatively alter your dresses to make sure they won’t snag on your nipple rings when you’re taking them on and off twenty times a night.

…when the day you found the St. Moriz brand knockoff of St. Tropez self-tanner will be forever remembered as one of the best days of your life and a great coup to your business.

…when your boyfriend can’t understand why you don’t want to give him raunchy, choreographed lap dances all the time, but looks at you funny when you ask him to recite a highly realistic sales pitch for an insurance policy he sold at his job that day.

And, this one happened to me just today: ...when you go into the sex/dance wear shop a few days before Valentine's and can tell you're the only one there shopping for professional purposes.

charlie61
02-10-2017, 09:50 PM
^We've missed you, girl! Feels like i haven't seen you post in a long time..

fishielicious
02-10-2017, 10:38 PM
^^Aw, I've missed y'all too! I had a shitty abusive ex who made me stop stripping, so I quit coming here for a long time. But I'm happy to be back! It's always a pleasure to talk to the savvy ladies of SW.

AlwaysAutumn
03-12-2017, 03:31 PM
you had to have your wedding rings resized because they were too difficult to take off every night

your morning routine starts at noon and involves military precision and timing because you have a ton of thick hair that takes forever to do and you don't want to be late for work

whirlerz
03-12-2017, 04:46 PM
^^Aw, I've missed y'all too! I had a shitty abusive ex who made me stop stripping, so I quit coming here for a long time. But I'm happy to be back! It's always a pleasure to talk to the savvy ladies of SW.

WB! Glad ur bk, & missedu 2! :)

Legz541
03-12-2017, 10:19 PM
Your work shoes are recyclable. I always put my worn out shoes in the plastic recycling bin.

lilylilylily
03-13-2017, 12:15 AM
I didnt know you could recycle them. Def gonna do that next time. I've thrown out so many pairs in the trash so good to know

Legz541
03-13-2017, 01:13 AM
I didnt know you could recycle them. Def gonna do that next time. I've thrown out so many pairs in the trash so good to know

I wear the ones with clear plastic straps and the heel/platform parts are plastic. Only thing not is the little suede insole. Totally legit to hit the recycle bin.

LoveyDovey
03-13-2017, 08:20 AM
I want to bronze my last pair of shoes and put them in a display case.

whirlerz
03-15-2017, 05:21 PM
When you buy in bulk colorfuk bras/bikini tops

fallyn_love
03-26-2017, 02:53 PM
...when you have specs of glitter still on your eyes from the nighy before that wouldnt wash off and every civilian u talk to face to face asks "so you went out last night?"

gummygirl
03-29-2017, 06:16 AM
When you keep finding dollar bills in your car and use it to pay gas

SuperJa
03-29-2017, 01:44 PM
...when you have specs of glitter still on your eyes from the nighy before that wouldnt wash off and every civilian u talk to face to face asks "so you went out last night?"

Also when u somehow have glitter on literally everything you own.

Like, jackets you have never worn to the club get glitter on them somehow.

And when you see those crime shows where they say "we found 1 hair matching the victim in the suspect's car" and you're like, I spend 3 shifts with a girl whose weave is shitty and I'm picking it out of my dancer stuff for weeks. At one club I worked with a super cramped dressing room we had a running joke about "nobody go missing pls cause we've all got so much dna evidence from each other"

Legz541
03-30-2017, 02:07 PM
Also when u somehow have glitter on literally everything you own.

Like, jackets you have never worn to the club get glitter on them somehow.

And when you see those crime shows where they say "we found 1 hair matching the victim in the suspect's car" and you're like, I spend 3 shifts with a girl whose weave is shitty and I'm picking it out of my dancer stuff for weeks. At one club I worked with a super cramped dressing room we had a running joke about "nobody go missing pls cause we've all got so much dna evidence from each other"

When you find glitter on yourself and your possessions even though you never personally wear glitter. The hair thing is so true as well. I find blonde hairs all the time and mine is nearly black. #striplife

vanessa_mtl
04-03-2017, 01:19 PM
Hahahaha my bf just walked in on me counting with everything face up in stacks and was like, babe are you a drug dealer?

Nah honey i'm just a very talented stripper;)

blondhottie
04-12-2017, 02:18 AM
You get annoyed with guys talking to you at a regular bar because you think "I could be at work and be getting paid for this!"

rosafromeurope
05-20-2017, 07:28 PM
You've fucking smothered your ass crack in aloe vera gel.

Seriously. All that rubbing and scooting around on the dirty stage. The buttcne is real

charlie61
05-20-2017, 09:42 PM
When, IRL, you're more focused on how you look than on how you feel. Someone could be giving you a foot massage, and you're just sitting there wondering if your feet are perfectly clean and if your legs are perfectly smooth.. :/

miss.a.p1600
05-21-2017, 10:45 AM
.......you wear "stripper" shade nail polish (you know those loud neon colors that can only be pulled off in civilian world during summer) .... pretty much all year round.

vanessa_mtl
05-21-2017, 12:33 PM
I exfoliate my ass with a salt scrub once a week... you have to get that dirty layer off or it'll turn into zits!!! So Gross!

Naida
05-24-2017, 12:57 AM
Constanly check for tan lines and liberally pour sunscreen over an already tanned body

It's only recently that this has become a thing for me. I used to just stay as pale as I could, but now I get weird looks from friends for slathering on twice the amount the palest does when I'm the second darkest.

When you make $200 in six hours and think "this is bullshit." Thank god I stopped working in the hill country.

SuperJa
05-24-2017, 09:46 AM
When you hear a new song and your first thought isn't "i like this" but "I could dance to this!"

You need a second opinion on dresses for civilian occasions because you will either end up in something way too conservative or looking like a total slut cause you can't gauge what's "appropriate" anymore.

You crack up when your massage therapist makes you hold the blanket/cover places with your hands cause you're totally comfortable just being naked.

Selina M
05-24-2017, 02:11 PM
When you can put on cover up, powder, waterline eyeliner, perfect winged liquid eyeliner, and lipstick in the space of a 4 minute break song.

Sirocco
06-25-2017, 06:53 PM
When you have more stripper shoes then regular shoes. And more stripping outfits then regular dresses.

Naida
06-28-2017, 12:15 AM
Oooooh, I just thought of another one that I struggle with: Watching how much you drink at normal bars. I'm extremely self-conscious about dancing in public because I don't want to bust out any work moves by accident. I'll start the night at a bar just shooting pool and hanging out with my friends, and everyone I meet thinks I'm sweet and polished. A few two many margaritas, though, and my true stripper colors shine!

Also occasionally forgetting your REAL real name. I've had people yell my name multiple times but I only notice after they finally yell my stage name.


^^ I do the platform shoes in the kitchen thing! It cracks my husband up, because I'm bopping around the kitchen making coffee in the morning in the Rattiest T-Shirt Known to Man™, granny panties, and stripper shoes. I also once forgot to take them off when one of the neighbors knocked on the door, answered in PJs and platforms. It was pretty awesome.

I've been guilty of dancing around while cooking or cleaning, wearing only heels and an oversized nightshirt or my bright purple paisley muumuu, mostly when breaking in a new pair. It was apparently the funniest thing to my boyfriends and roommates.

Gia2608
06-28-2017, 05:54 PM
I actually have definitely done the dancing like a stripper thing in public, one time I was trying to tell if the hells I was putting on were going to be sufficient to wear out all night and I was kind of just shifting my weight from side to side, and one of the guys there said he could tell I used to be a stripper... like, what??? By my ankle testing myself?

Naida
06-28-2017, 11:31 PM
Feet at start of shift.......42118

Afterwards.......42119

and then next shift........42120

This is why I always wore natural colored polish when I was dancing! No visible chips! When I go back, I think I'll started doing the colored acrylic pedis since I'm now in love with pretty colored toes.

rayonstilts
07-12-2017, 09:45 PM
Sorry if some of these have been posted. I read through but I'm forgetful haha.

1. When you use your vanilla job to rinse your ones. Knocks out two birds with one stone: your store never has to get ones from the bank and you don't have to deal with counting out a billion singles to buy stuff.
2. When your phone history contains nothing but pages and pages of lingerie, shoe, and outfit websites.

charlie61
07-18-2017, 12:19 AM
When, before an IRL date, you struggle to decide between a stripper thong (probably fits better and looks better, but also makes you feel like you're at work) and a civvie thong (definitely the better choice for your mentality and your date's mentality, but is inferior to the work thong..).

charlie61
10-25-2017, 08:19 PM
Bump!

Adrienne7
10-25-2017, 09:07 PM
When you are walking (ok strutting) down the hall out of habit but at straight job and have to consciously remember to make your walk less sexy and let the ass and hips sway and jiggle less in your hospital scrubs.

When music is playing in the procedure room at medical job and you catch yourself wiggling and shifting your hips to the beat or doing butt isolation twerk practice and have to catch yourself, hoping no one noticed before you did. Again in scrubs. I wonder how silly that looks 😆 Now I wanna do a nurses twerking in scrubs YouTube video. Ha! Hmmmm...

lilylilylily
10-25-2017, 09:19 PM
The last time I went to a regular bar I caught myself being way too smiley with random dudes, I said to myself 'you're not working, stop going into hustle mode' lol

charlie61
10-25-2017, 09:23 PM
When the thought of going to a party or bar instantly puts you into work mode... no matter how long it's been since your last shift.

SugarCookies
10-26-2017, 05:56 PM
You don't know how to swim but you go swimsuit shopping... for work uniforms, not for the beach/pool

When shopping for casual lingerie and you find a piece you really like, you buy a second one for work.

If you're shy/socially awkward/anti-social or just not used to talking to a lot of people; You have to be careful in making sure you say your real name and not slipping up by saying your stage name instead when introducing yourself to new people in your vanilla job and normal everyday life.

On afternoons after a day shift; civilians ask you if you're going somewhere later tonight after they notice your hair/makeup done.

You get so used to guys hitting on you, you don't even bat an eye anymore when random guys try to flirt/hit on you out and about.

charlie61
10-26-2017, 09:31 PM
When you feel more ready for sexytimes wearing a sports bra than a lacey bra

charlie61
11-01-2017, 10:41 PM
When you come out to your significant other about your work strategically, slowly, over time. Gotta let that shit out in small doses...

crystalize
11-02-2017, 03:52 PM
When you come out to your significant other about your work strategically, slowly, over time. Gotta let that shit out in small doses...

one along those lines: when you have to downplay to your bf what you do at work. it's a strip club, come on what do our boyfriends think we do in there?