View Full Version : You know you are a Stripper when.....
tinygirl
09-27-2004, 01:31 AM
...you are out in public and see men with various dollar amouts floating above their heads.
...you wear very conservative clothes and no make up to avoid extra attention in public.
...you wear shirts that show off your new boobs to get good service when you go out in public.
...you see men and can categorize them as "lickers", "handsy" etc.
...you want to buy an item that costs a few hundred dollars and say I'll work an extra six hours to buy that. :)
MontanaGal
09-27-2004, 03:46 AM
i'm not gonna be very good at this but will try:
~~when i dont pay attention to people checking me out when i'm walking down the street... my boyfriend notices, but hardly ever me!
~~when i talk on stripper message boards! :)
~~when i come home and shower and then go lay in bed with my boyfriend... it still seems backwards to me to shower before bed, not after..
oh well!
i tried, you guys!
i'll think of more and keep em coming! :)
verfolgung
09-27-2004, 06:10 AM
....You're not impressed by Superman's ability to change cloths in an instant. BIG DEAL he's getting undressed; try throwing on a gown and a garter while fixing your hair and sprinting full speed from the dressing room to the stage in 6" platforms!
....You know at lease one customer who will tip you with a joint, and there are some days when you pray he'll stop by.
....You're customers are way more thrilled at seeing a professional athlete in your club than you are.
Aleah
09-27-2004, 12:03 PM
These are awesome!!! ;D
verfolgung
10-07-2004, 12:06 PM
You're no longer concerned by money which glows bleach white under the black lights.
misschevious420
11-13-2004, 09:10 PM
How about when you're anywhere but the bar and music is playing, you clap when it stops...
younggun
01-08-2005, 04:50 PM
...........you have to drop your boyfriend off at band practice every friday, and pay for his guitar strings every other.
bambiblue
01-08-2005, 06:20 PM
...when you dream about doing polework.
...when you have to restrain yourself from trying out new pole tricks on the lightposts in the middle of a busy street.
haha I thought I was the only one who did that?
LilRogueVixen
01-09-2005, 11:31 AM
a strange man walks in on you undressing and you don't even flinch.
fancygirl
03-28-2005, 08:21 PM
When a cute guy tries the pickup line
" don't I know you?"
and you immediately think he must be a customer.
HA HA HA!!!! SOOOOO TRUE! Though, my problem is the not so cute guys. My reply: No you don't. You really don't.
Katrine
03-28-2005, 09:55 PM
Travelling strippers:
When you walk through the airport and you can peg all the male business travellers who are going to be in a stripclub that night (most of them). Then, you happen to be booked on the same flight back with a customer after you danced for him the night before!
verfolgung
03-29-2005, 06:49 AM
Travelling strippers:
When you walk through the airport and you can peg all the male business travellers who are going to be in a stripclub that night (most of them). Then, you happen to be booked on the same flight back with a customer after you danced for him the night before!
Heh, that's funny Katrine. Will they allow 7" platforms in a carry on, or are those considered potential weapons? Some of those shoes could certainly do more damage then my toe nail clipper!
verfolgung
03-29-2005, 06:52 AM
....when you need to reach something on a high shelf at home, you just throw on your platforms rather then grab a step stool.
Katrine
03-29-2005, 07:18 AM
Heh, that's funny Katrine. Will they allow 7" platforms in a carry on, or are those considered potential weapons? Some of those shoes could certainly do more damage then my toe nail clipper!
Interesting thought, I always pack my heels away. I also hide my police issue mace and stun gun in my 7" patent leather boots in the suitcase. So far, a couple of baggage searched tags and no problems!
It so funny to see all of those male travellers in the airport and have them pinpointed. I wonder if they can tell I am a stripper since I usually dress like a college student or maybe bus casual when I travel.........
verfolgung
06-16-2005, 08:56 AM
...You can pretty much tell by feel how much money is in a stack of $1's without having to count.
...You can in the same week, be elated to make $150 on a Tuesday afternoon, and depressed you only made $500 on a Friday night.
hardkandee
06-16-2005, 09:20 AM
....when someone says they just got their BA, you think cup size and not the degree.
(I just did that the other day. I felt like such a dumbass.)
WHEN -
A guy opens his wallet in front of you and you check out his plastic - without thinking about it
I know guys keep their cash when the go to a SC in their pockets and not their wallet, at least the smart ones do. :P
Miss R
colleen
06-16-2005, 09:57 AM
When you consider a bad day at work preferable to a good day at the gym
Rhiannon
06-16-2005, 10:16 AM
....when someone says they just got their BA, you think cup size and not the degree.
(I just did that the other day. I felt like such a dumbass.)
Hahahaha THIS is so true! I do it all the time.
WHEN -
You go out clubbing and start dancing, just be-bopping having a good time a pull a few stripper moves on the dance floor. Like the roll tummy, swivel the hip kinda move we all do.
I've done this and gotten some weird looks afterward.
cottoncandy
06-16-2005, 11:42 AM
-You accidentally introduce yourself by your stage name when you're not at work.After I got home from the dayshift the last week I was talking to someone in my neighborhood and I accidently intorduced myself by my stage name. LOL. I guess I was tired from work and used to introducing myself that way all day.
-You get hit on in the neighborhood convenice story buying TOILET PAPER (you're all out of it) -because the person working there saw you at work. Not fun.
gypsy_girlchild
06-16-2005, 05:09 PM
When you...
Constanly check for tan lines and liberally pour sunscreen over an already tanned body
Never worry about whether or not "too much cleavage" is showing
Automatically smile, let eyes light up, and giggle when introduced to a man over 30, even if it's your friend's dad.
Cops think nothing of searching your bags and finding stacks of ones in hundred dollar increments.
Underestimated
06-17-2005, 09:53 AM
The people at the airport wand you, and stop at your crotch. You think nothing of telling them you're pierced, start to pull down your pants, and tell them your secret weapon is to 'act interested.'
verfolgung
07-11-2005, 08:42 AM
...You visit a nude beach on vacation and take everything off but still leave your shoes on.
(compliments of a dancer I know. heh)
yoda57us
07-11-2005, 08:49 AM
WHEN -
You go out clubbing and start dancing, just be-bopping having a good time a pull a few stripper moves on the dance floor. Like the roll tummy, swivel the hip kinda move we all do.
I've done this and gotten some weird looks afterward.
I work in live event production. Most of the guys that do this work spend a lot of time on the road and a lot of off days in strip clubs. When we are working an event we always try to pick out the former/current strippers on the dance floor by their moves. Of course, if a lady jumps up on a table, does a hair flip, a tummy roll and a Stevie on the guy closest to her that's generaly a dead give-away....
zuiiee
07-15-2005, 02:14 PM
you know ALL the words to Cherry Pie
gypsy_girlchild
07-15-2005, 02:20 PM
You are happy when you have that "just been fucked" look.
verfolgung
11-28-2005, 01:27 PM
....during the holidays you realize that you now even greet your freinds and relatives with the "customer hug" - ( a very light embrace with a few taps on the shoulder and your face slightly turned away to shield against an unexpected attempt to kiss.)
verfolgung
11-28-2005, 01:35 PM
....You have your TIVO or VCR set to record the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show on December 6th so you won't miss out on any ideas for work clothes.
....You watch the VC fasion show with three catagories in mind - 1) Don't wnat it, 2) Want it for work & 3) Want it, but not for work.
tanandsandy
11-28-2005, 10:25 PM
~U can't believe people actually cut coupons to save 30 cents or drive the extra mile for the 5 cent/gallon difference in gas.
~U are with friends and find urself saying "Nah I changed my mind, not workin tonight." and they are baffled because they'd be fired for doing that.
~U love wakin up sore, because that means = lots of money last night!
~When thong-shopping, u're paying attention to the back to be sure it's "legal".
~(If u work in this kind of club..) U know the excrutiating PAIN u are about to experience when u've accidently showered before removing the nipple tape.
Rachel Hart
11-29-2005, 02:24 PM
You know you're a stripper when!
.....you go out clubbing with your friends and an hour (or less!) into the night they are complaining about how their feet hurt and you not only roll your eyes but call them a baby.
.....along those lines, you no longer feel the need to complain about your heels when out clubbing, because those heels are now your comfy shoes.
.....you get nervous when you are out with your boyfriend's friends because they don't know yet and you see a fellow dancer that is about to run up to you.
.....the 2 straws in your drink remind you of a dancer doing legwork.
.....you feel like an abused wife because of all the excuses you have to come up with about your bruises to people.
.....you see girls out in public and know in an instant whether they are a dancer/porn star/have fake boobies.
.....even though you never went out in public without a bra before you were a dancer, you no longer feel the need to wear one. ever.
.....you never wear panties either because its one more thing you have to take off before getting into your stripper wear.
.....your boyfriend is shocked at how your getting ready time has been zapped from an incredible 2 hours to just about a half hour. shower shaving blowdrying and make up all in cluded.
.....you can piss, change shoes, change tops, smoke a ciggarette and talk on your cell phone all at the same time :)
These are just a few that apply to me :)
Abbeynormal
11-29-2005, 03:27 PM
-A friend comes over to your house and asks to borrow your deoderant. Your instinct is to yell, "COME PREPARED WITH YOUR OWN!"
-People often tell you how well you move in 3-inch heels outside of work, and you tell them, "Phoo! I can do the electric slide backwards in these!"
-You drop something on the floor, and when you squat down to pick it up, your butt comes back up first, and then your straight back as you flip your hair back when you reach standing again.
-Everytime you pass a street sign while walking, you have an urge to run at it and spin on it a few times before continuing your stroll as normal.
-You experience that longer-than-normal eye contact with someone on the street that you know you've seen at the club.
-A song comes on somewhere that you hate, in a genre that your friends know you hate, and yet they watch with a raised eyebrow as you sing every word.
-You've ever had to fake a paystub.
-Knowing your bank teller or casier is DYING to ask you why you have so many singles, and basking in the glow of not telling them a single thing.
-You have to see the doctor with a case of "glitter-lung," an occupational respiratory disease. (Stole this one right off of the Onion's front page this week!)
colleen
11-30-2005, 04:37 AM
--in a sleep-deprived stupor, you put on full stage makeup to take your kid to playgroup.
--your kid refers to your co-workers as "your girls" as in, "Mommy, are Miss Mersades and Miss Sparkle your girls?"
--You look at any piece of fabric for its pastie potential
--You are getting free coffee for m one or more convenience stores b/c the night clerk knows what you do.
--You stay at a bar until last call, and then are forced to grab a rag and clean the tables befoer leaving
--Your local shoe repair guy now knows how to fix lucite and plastic shoes, and where to order silver-toned leather
--When you move, all your earthly possesions get packed in beer boxes
Christany
12-15-2005, 06:42 PM
*Your neighbors have seen you so frequently with luggage in tow, they've inquired about airfare discounts at your new airline job.
*When a bottle of liquid latex explodes in your dancebag in your living room, your houseguests ask if you've recently painted.
*You draw on your tanlines.
*Rhinestones are a girl's best friend.
**Dream**
12-23-2005, 10:26 PM
...When you run out of regular clean underwear and have to wear your working thongs....shoot I do it all the time.
...When you find yourself looking at random guys on street, and can automatically tell what kind of loser, spender, and person they can be while in the strip club.
Rachel Hart
12-23-2005, 10:57 PM
*you no longer complain about a lack of daytime television. You complain about the lack of quality shows on tv after 3am
*when walking around a department store, you find yourself stalking up and down the aisles on a prowl for men who look like they have money. When you see them you stop dead in your tracks and make a bee line. Only AFTER you are 3 feet away from them do you think "not at work. not at work. not at work. damnit not again...."
This is great. I rarely have this many laughs.
When you have lots on phone numbers but dont know who any of them belong too.
When people are programmed in your phone but you dont know who they are.
Putting on make-up sounds like a lot of work
You find yourself clapping your ass in public.
You keep your money in the plasic of your smokes
I bought a computer in ones!
you know the general salary of just about every profession known to man
You lie to everyone about your name ... just incase
you know if a girl is wearing a wig or hair piece at a glance.
getting fixed up does not sound like fun
you cant decide if the skirt is too short or if you are just being paranoid
you think mid thigh skirts are too long ... you butt cheeks wont hang out the bottom!
you go jewlry shopping at clairs ...
its hard to walk in flat shoes
when you go on vacation and you just have to check out the local titty bars
you own more underwear then VS
you cant fit a wallet in most of your purses
a cute purse usually has a draw string
you have no problem talking about your boobs, kitty or other sexual things to just any body
tanning/nails/ped is high priority
the splits is not impressive ... along with a variety of other things that would impress most everyone
you cant bend over without sticking your butt out
you are very aware of all the hair that trys to grow on your body ... everywhere
why pay a prfessional for advise .. yu cn just wait till one comes in the club and get it for free
you spend hours on end searching for new songs to dance too
you could care less if others see you without makeup .. hair unbrushed and wearing sweats, no bra and a sweat shirt
You have went to work wearing pajamas and splippers
you buy two of everything .. one for home and one for work (I have a locker)
your ankels pop when you walk down stairs flat footed .. (mine do every time)
if you like girls ... ou have trouble picking one up because you arent sure youwill like her before you see her goodys
you dont see anything wrong with going through a tube of mascara a week
it will be good as new ... just need a saftey pin and super glue
You hae duck tapped your shoes before ( I am too lazy to go buy new ones .. they broke ... they will work fine till the new ones com in the mail)
Most of your panties have knots in the sides
Thongs at most stores look really big ... even the little skimpy ones
you have cut up many pairs of panties to make them smaller it is common practice when you buy a new pair
when you hear "sling shot"... you think of underwear
ok .. i cant think of any more ... Im sure I will
Keep it up .. this is great
Mastridonicus
12-24-2005, 06:28 AM
When you need to suck human blood for sustenance.
When you have incredible speed and massive increase in strength.
When you are suddenly a blackbelt in all forms of belt issued martial arts.
When you have a personal butler who takes care of all your gadgets and toys.
There is a room in your house designed for 'Interrogation'
You can do back flips in 7 inch heals that light up on contact.
You walk into a restaurant and make eye contact with a $$$ looking guy and have to restrain yourself from sitting in his lap and selling him a champagne room.
In your Abnormal Psych class, the professor gets to the week on "abnormal sexualities" and you know waaaay more than him.
You can make conversation with absolutely anyone, but it's annoying when you don't get paid for it.
hannah83
12-24-2005, 01:18 PM
:laughing: this thread is GREAT!!!
JustJayda
12-24-2005, 01:49 PM
You can put on fake eyelashes while waitng in the toll-booth line.
You have to remind yourself that babywipes on the coochie ARE NOT just as good as a bath!!!!
You have 3 cans of FDS that are all almost empty.
You think spraying your clothes with Febreeze is as good as washing them!
MishaBliss
12-24-2005, 01:52 PM
.....when you feel comfortable bending over in your co-workers face asking them to do a toilet paper or string check
.....when you back your ass up to a mirror regularly
MishaBliss
12-24-2005, 01:56 PM
... when you realise that the dreams you used to have of showing up to school or work totally naked and having everyone stare at you, is now your life.
Bridgette
12-24-2005, 08:47 PM
Well, I've got a couple more now that I've learned since starting the regular job.
You know you're a stripper when:
- you have to check yourself to keep from smacking all the guys' asses as you walk by in your dayjob.
- you wear your conservative 2.5" heels to the office job, and when people comment about the need for comfy shoes, you have to stop yourself from telling them that these shoes are nothing and they should see what you can do in a pair of 8-inchers.
- you unconsciously size up office coworkers for $ potential, and imagine what you could get them to spend in the club.
- you have trouble finding office-appropriate clothes that fit your body proportions because normal size 4-6 clothes just don't fit your exaggerated bustline.
- you get a new job and suddenly have to train yourself to NOT accentuate your curves.
- your bf comments that he sees more T&A going out with you than he ever did before.
- you can moonlight one night a week and double your paycheck.
- your old work clothes are still worth $$!
DancerSarah
12-24-2005, 10:12 PM
- You get off work and call your friends on the way home and they ask why you are yelling
- Your friends are way to interested in your job and "what" goes on there
- Your 18 yro brothers friends seem to always be at your moms house in large numbers when you're home to visit
- A guy says they know you from somewhere and you automatically assume its from the club
- You're at your local porn shop/dance wear store and ask how much for the rhinestone incrusted bra and the cashier asnwers 200, you answer oh thats not
that bad, while the women (non dancer) behind you gasps very loudly
- You wake up in the middle of the night because you where swiveling your hips in your sleep
- You can run just as fast in 7 in platforms as you can in sneakers
- You are truely upset when you "lose" a callous
- You are very protective of your feet and legs
- Your bf gets really excited when you ask him to go with you to your work xmas party
- Your bfs friends all want to be him
- You think you look way hotter under a black light
- When talking to a customer you subconciously refer to things you do outside of the club as things you do in "real life"
- When leaving for work your bf slaps you on the butt and says shake that ass and I hope you make lots of $$$
- You do floor work while wearing fuzzy walrus slippers and watching a discovery channel special
- Less than 200 dolllars seems like "not alot"
- You can be in a smoke filled room for 8 hrs and not cough once, but as soon as you get outside you hack up a lung'
- When you pay for something in ones and someone asks if you are a waitress and you are semi insulted
- You call everyone baby, baby doll, honey, sweetie, darling and dont even think twice about it
- You plan vacations around clubs in the area
LadyLust
12-25-2005, 03:58 PM
These are so awsome!! Oh, my gosh i thought i was the only one who did half of these things....
Working out in the gym, and cant stop doing sexy poses in the mirror while streatching and floor work with an arch....
Katrine
12-25-2005, 05:05 PM
^5 B.
You know you're an ex-stripper when everytime a coworker has a story about a local club or local stripper, you are dying to chime in with your own story about said club/girl but you put your hand over your mouth and STFU.
Your colleauges pretty much figured out that you were a stripper already.
You get in trouble 3 times in the first month for wearing clothes that are "too provocative".
There is a constant line of admirers in to your desk, and they ain't talkin bidness either! ;)
You REALLY have to make a concerted effort to minimize use of profanity and sexual overtures in ALL conversations.
millionsof_peaches
12-25-2005, 09:15 PM
You answer the door in your undies w/o realizing you forgot to put clothes on
mild2wild
12-25-2005, 10:19 PM
haha this is great, u know when youv'e stopped dancing - you sit here reading all of this WISHING that the club you want to work is opened tonight and how you can dance working around your already busy schedual
I am going to go back to it, i put on the pounds since i stopped, not to mention i am becoming very unsocial since i stopped.
mild2wild
12-25-2005, 10:29 PM
... when you go to the bank the same time of day/week banking large sums of money and the teller looks as if to say "drug dealer?" but on your way out security will "stare" at you admiring your beauty before you get into the "best" car in the car park, only for them to be thinking between daddy's girl or dancer/pro
... When your first credit card offered to you is $25,000 and the bank manager knows you by first name, last name and stage name. in fact he knows more about you then any other person you know.
... You constantly get phone calls from "Investment" oppertunities calling to ask you to join their latest scam
... When you find that all of your phone calls are customers/potential customers wanting to know about a particular show/service that you offer and what is involved, especially if you are in a shopping mall and there is no escaping to a private place (due to running an agency)
... names in your address book, msn, phone have 2 names
... your msn, yahoo messanger is devided in to customers and other dancers
... when guests are at your house and you forget to shut the toilet door so you can continue a conversation with them
ill keep thinking