View Full Version : You know you are a Stripper when.....
Lyssa Lynn
12-26-2005, 12:28 AM
You are dumping out $100 champagne b/c it got too warm! Hey we have more and there is always next shift!! Merry Christmas!!
Bridgette
12-26-2005, 01:01 AM
Oh. When you grew up poor but can distinguish ALL the expensive champagnes by taste before age 22. LOL
Heres a few I realized today just in random convo with people outside of the industry.
1. I know more about music then my friends that run the damn local rock radio station.
2. Saying someone got "robbed" at work is a weekly thing
3. You spend more time in a salon in a month then the avg woman spends in a year. And you think nothing of it.
4. you look at every mans shoes. even though we all know it doesnt always mean shit..we still do it.
5. When picking a "regular" perfume you try and pick something that isnt so "stripperish" but find it almost always smells like vanilla.
6. Everything smells like damn vanilla.
7. You are reading this at 5am and you didnt just wake up for work.
8. When out drinking and getting drunk you give at least 2 lap dances just for the hell of it.
9. You dont wear panties let alone thongs outside of work or after working hours. comando or grannies damnit.
10. You get a zit on your ass and know to blame it on that dirty ass stage not yourself.
11. You learn what ingredients make lotions, sprays... glow in the dark and find yourself reading labels at bath n' body works.
12. You do all your grocery shopping and odds n' ends at a 7-11 at 5 am.
13. You can name at least 5 celebs you've met without thinking anything special about it.
14. You know all conventions, at home football ..basketball games schedules without attending any.
15. no one asks about your day at work anymore because you'll go on forever and its unbelieveable to everyone outside of our bubble .
16. people often ask you if you talk about anything other then stripping. and you find yourself lying and saying yes knowing damn well you dont. then making up excuses on why you do it ...today i said " oh well i was just thinking about work since im burning a cd for my dj ".
17. Before you change hair styles or color you ask everyone you know if you'll make "less" money by this change.
18. You find yourself bending over in mirrors to see if your thongs cover "everything". with people standing around.
19. You have walked around naked ..changed clothes ... talked to someone naked without going " oh shit thats my room mates bf " and she thinks nothing of it because shes' a dancer too.
20. You've done " is my string sticking out " while on stage... during set... to a passing girl
21. Your wardrobe consists of what most people think of as work out gear and yoga pants. and this is what you wear unless YOU HAVE to go out some other then target or Burger king.
22. You can get waxed and txt msg at the same time without even noticing really. such routine.
23. at 115 lbs and standing at 5 ft 6 without heels you feel pudgy and out of shape because you realized you have some cellulite and a lone stretch mark on your hip. oh and you are 32. lol.
24. YOu know a fake set when you see it.
25. You know every damn nickelback song by heart without ever owning a single cd .
26. Your cell phone list is all names like Porche, Candy, Ivory and then customers " regular bob" ... Dark haired bob ... 2 vips stink breath bob ...etc.
27. a day off is sleep day with eat what you want day and catching up on law and order.
28. You have thongs soaking in your sink and drying on a banister .
29. Your mom comes over and you have a male friend in your room... freaking out you announce from behind a door " Mom im naked " and she replies " well whats the big deal people see you naked all the time " lol and the totally didnt know you were a dancer yet. ..true story. thanks mom.
30. You get gift certificates for local lingerie shops that cater to dancers... for xmas and birthdays from family members because they dont know what else to get you.
31. your best lingerie is worn at work.
32. You carry around funny money from work on accident.
33. you have a pile of buisness cards everywhere. and you cant recall why or who
34. your mom has had to call your place of work and ask for you by your stage name
35. BEst yet you take home the alterego and your bf says " can I talk to ___ ( insert real name) now? " ...
paintgoddess
12-26-2005, 02:25 AM
...you wake up at 5pm and think, $hit, I'm probably gonna be late for work.
... you are out at a restaurant, size up the guys, and think.. he'd go to a strip club, he wouldnt, he would, he would, he would... then the guy with the haggard wife... NO WONDER men go to strip clubs... etc etc etc
... you can tell what denomination a bill is at a remarkable distance.
... you have perfected peeking at a guys money when he opens his wallet without him knowing... even if he's in front of you at the grocery store or Walmart because you just HAVE TO KNOW if he's all out of 20's or if he's loaded with 50's/100's.
...you bend at the waist to pick up anything from the floor
...undressing involves taking off your thong/shorts/pants/even dresses, flinging them from the tip of your foot up into the air and catching them in your hand in places like department store dressing rooms and your own bathroom before you shower.
...you determine the severity of blemishes by trying to guess whether or not they'll show up under the lights in the club
... you wear a different scent to go out than you do at work because you want a break from smelling the club or anything associated
kikiwiki
12-26-2005, 09:42 AM
lol! I'm a bartender at a strip club and paid last weeks vet bill 80 dollars in singles!!!
kikiwiki
12-26-2005, 09:51 AM
......when you go from being "the girl in class with the big chest" to "the girl in the club with the small chest"
You know you're a retired stripper when......you hear a song on the radio and say "I used to strip to that song!!"
I do this all the time! Been in the biz for like 8 years!
kikiwiki
12-26-2005, 09:59 AM
plain and simple....you take your kid (or a kid) to the park, and practice pole work on the swingset or jungle-gym. Great stares from the fathers, and even better from their wives!
I used to practice pole work on NYC subway poles when I used to strip!
kikiwiki
12-26-2005, 10:03 AM
if you can't find a hair tie that garter left in your pocket book works just as well
I almost always used my garter as a hair tie when I stripped! Keep 'em coming!
colleen
12-26-2005, 01:01 PM
--When you can put bandaids on your nipples while driving . . . . in the dark . . . because you know you are going to be late. (Extra points if you a)keep a supply in you glove box or b) have ever strategically stopped at a light to either shock a truck driver or spare a mom in a mini-van)
--When what you eat is determined by wheter you have to work that night
--When you have to coach your kid about6 what is and is not appropriate to say in front of Grandma, at church, etc.
--When you get mall gift certificates for christmas and immediately wonder if Fredericks or Victorias Secret is going to have the better sale
--when a foot spa is the best thing you AND your husband get for christmas (now he doen't have to massage your skanky stripper feet)
--when you are willing to accept a good foot massage as payment for services rendered
--Everybody who works the night shit at your local wallgreens, 7-11, white castle, and toll booth knows you by name or worse yet, by your stage name!
--You answer the ophone with your stage name
JustJayda
12-26-2005, 05:01 PM
You know you're a stripper when...
You're a Black Stripper from Philly, you request "Brickhouse" from the DJ, and get pissed when he plays the Commodores instead of the Rob Zombie version!
Katrine
12-26-2005, 05:46 PM
8. When out drinking and getting drunk you give at least 2 lap dances just for the hell of it.
9. You dont wear panties let alone thongs outside of work or after working hours. comando or grannies damnit.
14. You know all conventions, at home football ..basketball games schedules without attending any.
Hahaha, yes!! Classic!
bluexxxtasy
12-26-2005, 06:34 PM
you know you're a stripper when god forbid you loose your garters you look at baby headbands will work just as well......just cut off the bow....
leilanicandy
12-26-2005, 06:49 PM
you know you're a stripper when god forbid you loose your garters you look at baby headbands will work just as well......just cut off the bow....
your so crazy but that is a good idea i would have never thought about that!those hand bands are cheaper than garter belts.
Heaven
12-27-2005, 01:51 AM
You know you're a stripper when!
.....you never wear panties either because its one more thing you have to take off before getting into your stripper wear.
.....you can piss, change shoes, change tops, smoke a ciggarette and talk on your cell phone all at the same time :)
LMAO - I LOVE IT!! :)
WEEZO
12-27-2005, 11:31 AM
You know you are a stripper when...
you unconsciously start swiveling your hips while either standing in line at the grocery store or hanging out at a "regular" bar.
LOL! I most definately have been caught booty-shakin when waiting in many a grocery store line... I am the worst when I go bowling or singing karaoke... nervous waiting brings out the shake now instead of the fidget!
when you no longer call them "road trips" they have become "stripper trips" lol
GuyPOV
12-27-2005, 06:31 PM
when you know the words to every song you like and dislike!!!
kirbie_kyle
02-15-2006, 09:23 PM
*You find yourself watching MTV and figuring you could show those pop stars up on the dance floor.
*You can re-wear your natty ass shoes 500x and not even worry about getting your feet dirty, but when it comes time to shower, you won't go near one without shower shoes.
*You see some of your highschool teachers who you figured were asexual (mad props if you can get them to buy you a drink) :)
*A night in your [dorm] with your friends seems perfect.
Cristalla
03-24-2006, 01:54 AM
when you shop for side clip thongs
when u r not working but still stop a second to wonder what to do with the tampon cord
when u have to lie to relatives when they see all the $ u make and ask you about what u do for a living
Guenevere
03-24-2006, 01:59 AM
when u r not working but still stop a second to wonder what to do with the tampon cord
:laughing: :rotfl:
Ditto!
sxybrat07
03-24-2006, 02:21 AM
When you stick on pasties that you made yourself out of patches from the local fabric store with a glue stick and hairspray, and you know to get the purple glue sticks because the regular ones glow under the blacklight.
It isn't uncommon for you to refer to friends at work as 'bitch, ho, or slut'
At a previous day job you were mortified when a button on your shirt popped off in front of your boss, now you flash your boss for the hell of it
Mimi NY
03-25-2006, 02:04 AM
... you wake up with a permanent pressure mark around your thigh from a garter, surrounded by Benjamins which you can't remember having earned, with 10 business cards tucked into your glittery g-string.
Or is that just me?
GuyPOV
03-25-2006, 10:05 AM
lol so true
TROU8LE~
03-25-2006, 02:12 PM
When you catch yourself grabbing your breast in your car, in a restarant, in a movie theater.. just where ever. Im like, ooops.. and I stop right away!
TROU8LE~
03-25-2006, 02:26 PM
When a family member asks you what your new friends' name is. You're like.. "UMmm....I think its Stacy." But I know her by "Honey." And your family is like.. "huh?" all confused. -lol
Zoe_en_Australie
03-26-2006, 01:50 AM
when your boyfriend is totally pissed at you in the morning for no apparent reason, only for you to later find out that while you were asleep you removed his hand from your crotch and said "not between the legs sweetheart"
!!! :O
yes! i am so posting a list of these on the dressing room wall at work...hehe ;D
Gia2608
03-26-2006, 02:01 AM
when you no longer call them "road trips" they have become "stripper trips" lol
LOL- I call my Jeep the "Stripper Caravan" b/c none of my friends have cars and I always have like 3 or 4 stripper-ho's in my car. I love dancing in other states and I love to torture my mom with the stories of my exploits. I've had the stripper mentality since I was five though.
Bella21
03-26-2006, 10:41 AM
When you catch yourself grabbing your breast in your car, in a restarant, in a movie theater.. just where ever. Im like, ooops.. and I stop right away!
Argh! So true! ;D ;)
Kaiyla
03-26-2006, 03:06 PM
You see nothing wrong with drying thongs in the microwave,
kirbie_kyle
03-26-2006, 09:06 PM
You see nothing wrong with drying thongs in the microwave,
LOL, does that work? I would've thought a microwave would keep the moisture contained, but good to know :P
anabella
03-26-2006, 09:08 PM
....the first thing you always do is plug in your straightening iron
....you have two sets of foundation/concealer. Face and "other".
....you crouch down to get something on the bottom shelf at the grocery and you have to stretch first.
....you feel compelled to give money to every guy in a black suit
....your boyfriend gets mad when you tell him how you made his day's salary in 45 minutes last night
....you go to another club back in your home town and are totally unimpressed cause all the girls you work with are much hotter
....you've rarely watched porn but the stars have licked your nipples, spanked you and pulled you on stage. You also know which ones are drunks and druggies.
....you get pissed at being called by the wrong stage name because it's the wrong fake name
....you make note of restaurants and bars in other suburbs that you can pretend you hang out at/work at when you're chatting up customers
....you change outfits more times in 8 hours at work than you do in 4 days at home
ChloeTheRed
03-26-2006, 09:19 PM
-Your underwear drawer is half-full of "legal" thongs, which never cease to amaze your friends that they actually cover you.
-You buy tons of clothing you previously thought was totally trashy, most of which never sees the light of day after it's bought, just the club lights.
-On laundry day, your laundry hamper emanates waves of cigarette smell, cheap perfume, and self-tanner.
-You have not only applied makeup everywhere on your body at some point, you have perfected concealer application techniques for a wide variety of locations and problems (bruises vs. scrapes vs. lovebites).
-You've bought some sort of red lighting for home so that you can put your makeup on at home and then preview how it would look in the club lights.
-You have to remember to close your jewelry box so you don't blind houseguests or roommates.
-You've stripped in your sleep (bonus points if you tried to drape some of your pajamas seductively over your bedmate.)
Kaiyla
03-27-2006, 02:49 PM
Drying thongs in the mircowave does work when you keep taking them out every minute or so to fan them around to get rid of the moisture. Accidentally I left a garter in too long and the elastic melted. The smell was horrendous.
Someone probably already mentioned this one but you know you're a stripper when you think of purchases in terms of dances..
"$180 for groceries, hmmm...that's 9 lap dancers.."
sxybrat07
03-27-2006, 03:06 PM
You can see more clearly in the dark club filled with blacklights than you can in the daylight.
Your neighbors start asking your boyfriend/roommate/etc about their concerns for you, as they only see you occasionally stumbling outside to get the mail in the middle of the day in your pajamas, or at night in full makeup/hair in a sweatsuit.
EDIT: full makeup/hair in a sweatsuit and carrying enough luggage to go on a lengthy vacation ;D
papillonluvr
03-27-2006, 03:10 PM
Someone probably already mentioned this one but you know you're a stripper when you think of purchases in terms of dances..
"$180 for groceries, hmmm...that's 9 lap dancers.."
HAHAHA I sooooo do this!
The buying a red/blacklight is a good idea. I think i might just get one to try it out... ;)
Pretty_Penny
03-27-2006, 03:15 PM
when you're in the store and you find yourself shaking your heels back and forth to "clap your ass" out of bordem.
pinkcandyx
03-27-2006, 05:39 PM
your friends rant about yoga and your only thought is "i'm not bending over in front of anybody and not getting paid"
you go to a beach in thailand where every girl is topless and decide no way i'm showing my tits for free, unless everyone on the beach coughs up 20.bucks each
everywhere you go you critic the lighting
you never talk to ugly or old men outside the club, plez......
MzGigi
03-27-2006, 05:56 PM
*When you are watching tv, you slip onto the floor during commercial breaks and practice floor moves in the screens' reflection.....
* If your QUICK to swing at ANYONE who grazes/bumps/touches your knees!
* you wake up at 3 in the afternoon and are in a cab on your way to work half an hour later!
*you always seem to have more money than all of your friends! :)
* shopping isnt such a thrill anymore, seeing as you have just about anything you want anyhow!
you wear fake eyelashes to denny's and get upset when people look at you funny
bella622
03-28-2006, 08:25 AM
you wear fake eyelashes to denny's and get upset when people look at you funny
hahahah...
~Whateva anybody needs you know you have it your bag somewhere...
Alexis81
03-28-2006, 08:41 AM
- Your man asks you for a lapdance and you demand payment first
- Your sister in law asks if you know of any DJs who do weddings and you can think of 5 off the top of your head
- You can walk by an ATM and out of the corner of your eye figure out exactly how much someone took out
- You can spot the difference between a $1, $5, $10, $20, $50 and $100 bill from fifty feet away
Brooke
03-28-2006, 02:12 PM
you can run up and down 2 flights of stairs in six inch stilettos at full speed while applying lipgloss.
I did it to night and didn't realize it...I got back downstairs and was like..."did i really just do that without landing on my ass?!"
-C
LMAO... but at the end of the night, you fall down the same stairs wearing the flip flops you came to work in!
... you catch yourself clapping with one hand and your thigh/ass somewhere horribly inappropriate, like church, with your mother-in-law sitting next to you.
... the cashier asks how old your baby is and you just blush because you aren't sure how to answer that you are buying the wipes for yourself.
littletassle
03-28-2006, 02:18 PM
When you accidentally introduce yourself to your friend's friends by your stage name and have to quickly correct yourself.
When you've mastered the art of story-telling/lying and keeping all of your stories and who you've told them to them to straight (both at work and in real life to explain what you do to friends and family.) Oh yeah, including the "real name" you used for which people.
When you enter any place public and immediately start sizing up all the men in the room and making lusty eye contact wondering how much he is into you and how much he may have to spend... how much you more you can get him to spend.
When you are out in public and you hear the perfect song for a stage set and you have to fight the urge to start dancing.
In real life you have stopped wearing makeup and doing your hair and you now only wear yoga/workout clothes... and your best lingerie is no longer worn in the bedroom but at work.
You have lingerie and thongs and things hanging to dry everywhere.
MzGigi
03-29-2006, 04:13 PM
.... if you ever had to HIDE in public because you realize several customers are headed your way.....
AlexxaHex
03-29-2006, 05:37 PM
You attend an AA meeting and see at least 2 customers from your club there.
When you're addicted to SW 8)
AngelEyezXYZ
04-01-2006, 01:28 PM
When purchasing items with only $1 bills, you pull out a huge lump of money from your purse and it just so happens to be the exact amount you needed!
When you cross your leg over your knee barefoot and you still arch your foot as if you were wearing stilettos.
When you get your toes done and the very next morning they look like shit.
Watermelon
04-01-2006, 04:35 PM
:biggrin: :biggrin: 17 pages of hard laughing!
You know you are a stripper when...
→ You open the door to the delivery pizza guy in shorts and a BRA and not realize until you see his eyes opened as plates.
→ Regular bikini bottoms look to you like grandma's bottoms.
pipermarau
04-06-2006, 02:19 AM
you know you are a stipper when:
you realise you need to get your brakes fixed and "know" more than one guy
can get a discount on ANYTHING sold within 30 miles of the club
when you are out shopping and the cashier hands you back your bills and you give her a dirty look because they are not "straight and immeadiately fix the problem.
maintenence NEVER has a problem coming to fix things in your appartment (if you live in one) and they make sure you are working tomorrow cuz the guys are throwing a bachelor party.
when car dealerships try to give you hell while trying to buy a car
you know all the best hotels (i travel)
coco butter is a staple...
when TiVo is how you watch prime time
when you are hanging out in a strip club as a customer and a dancer tries to sell you a dance and you laugh, then explain how her sales pitch needs some work
when the local dance store has YOU on speed dial...you know its bad.
when you actually convinced the local Dominoes to stay open and deliver till midnight on week nights
when a tube top doubles as a skirt...
my favorite...
when someone calls and gets your voice mail and it says "Sorry I can't get to the phone but leave your name, number, credit card number, the expiration date, and your birthday and I'll be sure to get back to you"
AlluringAva
04-06-2006, 02:50 AM
You know you're a stripper when you first get up in the morning ( or afternoon) and you reach for your seven inch heels instead of your comfy slippers.
When every man's LAP looks good to you, not the man himself, especially that wallet in his pocket.
You drive around looking at other clubs and comparing them to 'your' club.
You have bruises on your knees and they're not from rough sex with your man.
You find yourself looking at other attractive girls and wondering, could they BE strippers? ARE they strippers?
You find yourself with an awful lot of money hidden in the weirdest places on your body....hmmmmm.....