View Full Version : You know you are a Stripper when.....
pipermarau
04-06-2006, 02:52 AM
to continue my last comment,
when you finally clean your house and find 300 crown bags
when your three year old son can wiggle his ass better than you (this happened to one of my friends)
when you have stomach pains from "holding it" because a guy wanted 5 more dances
when your gyno tries to hook you up with the women's crisis center because of all your bruises (that happened to me last week)
when 5pm is too early to go on a dinner date
and finally you know you've been dancing too long when you work dayshift and order a lemon drop and a bud light before 10am because it is the only way to wake up.
i once knew a dancer who had been in the business for so long she had permenant morning sickness from all the drinking she's done. every day she'd come get ready for the day shift, throw up, then get a beer and get to work.
thechaosfairy
04-06-2006, 04:22 AM
* Whenever you roll over on your back, like to do stretches, you automatically put your legs up in the air.
* You are NOT self-conscious changing at the gym.
* Even in front of the janitor who's come in to clean the locker room. Though you kinda want to ask him to tip.
* Sometimes your stripper alter-ego wants her own nights out. You go singing karaoke, and suddenly you're shaking your hips, singing higher than normal, and flirting with everyone in the audience.
* Someone asks you your name . . . you have to pause.
* You buy your work clothes at one of the local sex shops.
* You can apply eyeliner on the bus at a stoplight.
* You have never owned a recording of, nor listened to a radio station that plays the song, "My Hump." However, you know all the lyrics by heart.
AlluringAva
04-06-2006, 04:31 AM
...when you have insomnia and your first impulse is to turn on the music and start dancin' LOL
Gypsy14
04-25-2006, 11:12 AM
I love this thread! I had to bring it back just so I could add in a few more of my own- all of which, by the way, have happened to me!
You know you're a stripper when...
...you have a 'personal' cab driver who knows you only by your dancer name, gives you insane discounts, and is there waiting for you every night when you get off work (because you are, of course, his last customer of the night)...
...people call you and you have to figure out how you know them (real life or club) before you can continue the conversation, just in case you reveal the wrong details...
...you've grown accustomed to the crazy looks you get from people when you're riding the subway and wearing your fake eyelashes on your way to work...
...you no longer have fun flirting at social gatherings because you're pissed that you're not being tipped for your time, and you know that the conversation sure isn't leading up to a dance...
...you've had to grab the menus and other miscellaneous information from restaurants around your town/city so that you have something to tell your mom that you do...
...in an instant, you can spice up a girl's night with your real life friends by pulling out a few costumes and some of your platforms...
...your message machine on your cell is an ambiguous, "hey... it's me... leave a message!" because you can't let your customers know your real name, and you can't let your family members/other not-in-the-know real life acquaintances know your stage name...
...the word gets around at your old high school, and suddenly creepy former teachers are flocking to you when you stop by for a visit...
...one of your favorite songs to dance to comes on the radio, or plays at a party, and you find yourself subconsciously launching into your routine...
...you don't do drugs, but people still ask you if you can hook them up because they know you know at least 10 dealers at work...
...you find yourself bankfacing your bills unnecessarily, or getting mad when someone else doesn't...
...you get pissed when you find a bill folded in half the wrong way, and immediately fix it so that it's folded "lengthwise"...
...you go to Tijuana on a whim with some friends, and sure enough- you wind up borrowing shoes and a cheap outfit from one of the girls at a club down there and jumping up on stage, because sadly, you just.can't.resist...
...you're in a rehearsal for a musical and the director tells the girls that you'll be wearing character shoes (dance shoes with heels), and you're the only one who thinks this is a blessing because they're only 2 inches, while everyone else is bitching and complaining (BONUS if you're bitching and complaining too because they're not high ENOUGH)...
...you're at a dinner party with your boring relatives, and when the conversation drifts to investments and retirement funds and CD's- you know wayyy more than all of them, and at 18 years old- you have more to contribute to the conversation than your 50 year old aunt...
...you've described a girl to your mother, along with numerous details about her, but your mother is deeply confused because you've referred to her as both "Brittni" and "Lauren"...
...your waxer is by now well accustomed to working with you even though the hair in your bikini area is well under the recommended "1/4 inch long"...
...you do EXTREMELY well in your interviews for other jobs, colleges, auditions, etc, because you have a knack for "really making the person feel comfortable and establishing a great connection with him"...
...you accidentally give that 'come hither' look to your middle-aged, unattractive psych teacher...
...your grocery cart consists of protein bars, energy drinks, lipgloss and baby wipes...
...you've fondled more boobs than your boyfriend...
...you justified buying that pole in your living room by saying "well, it's tax deductible!!"
...you can't remember what 9:00 AM looks like, or even 12 PM, for that matter...
...you own a cop outfit and mace, but you're definitely not a cop...
...you've been in a restaurant or other public location, and you overhear someone asking the cashier for one dollar bills, and while they don't have enough to give change for a $20, you certainly do...
...When the maint. man comes to fix something in your apt, your getting ready to go to work as you tell him to come in, you come out to talk to him about what needs fixed and you notice he is looking at you embarrassed then you realize your in your bra and thong, and just shrug it off and go about your business
And now for the retired dancer section (since I am retired)....
...When you hear a song on the radio and crank it up because it's either something you always danced too or you think of one of the girls you used to dance with because she always danced to it
...When certain songs play, you can close your eyes, and for a moment, your right back on that stage reliving it in your head
...When you cant pass a strip club without checking out how many cars are in the parking lot, and if there is lots, you think "oh yeah, they are banking it tonight"
...Even years after retiring, you hear a song and think how good that would work on stage and you cant shop without seeing something and thinking how good it would look in the club
...Your desire to jump on a pole in the park is just as strong as it was when you still danced...lol
...You have a footlocker full of old dance outfits that were your favorites that you'll never part with because of the memories they hold
...You STILL turn up the music at home and put on one heck of a show in your living room for nobody at all but yourself, and love every second of it....
...You HAVE to buy a pole for home, it keeps you in shape and it's too much fun to not have one
...You love hanging out on SW, seeing what has changed and what hasnt since you quit dancing
...Your a firm believer in "once a dancer, always a dancer" and think of it as special sorority that you can only belong too if you are a dancer or have ever been one
Lysondra
04-25-2006, 08:21 PM
..you take off your bra and ones fall out because you were too lazy to change before you went home.
ChloeTheRed
04-26-2006, 07:44 PM
(I'm so glad I rediscovered this today!)
You know you're a dancer when doing laundry nets you at least $30 - bonus points if it's all in ones. You know you've been a dancer for a while when you've considered throwing all your money in your lingerie washing bag and just washing it when you get home -- you know you've been a dancer maybe a little too long when you've actually done that!
Lysondra
04-26-2006, 08:14 PM
^^ The pills cause death! But I have a pill for that! XD
Katherine
04-26-2006, 10:44 PM
You know you miss dancing when the boyfriend you got a 'real job' for begs you to go back to work so you're not constantly flirting with everyone else (including his friends).
When you go to put lip balm on and only realize afterwards that it's bright red sparkly lip gloss.
When every man you know is a Bob, Steve, Tom or Mike. Ands to differentiate you've given them all a single descriptive word. Foot Mike, unbutton-my-shirt-steve, dirty story bob...
When you get into the same cab every night and don't have to tell your driver where you're going... love falling asleep in the cab.
When you're working at a club you drive to- You make friends with one of your trustworthy clients so that you always have a place to crash in case you're too tired to drive.
When you think that PVC is perfectly cute to go out in (to a regular club)...
When you're worst nightmare is your ankle breaking.
When even your dog sleeps all day and is up all night.
You give your regular job friends their wake up calls on your way home from the diner.
Cristalla
04-26-2006, 11:30 PM
when you find rhinestones in the washer/dryer
Alexis81
04-30-2006, 08:49 AM
Ooops heres one that just happened to me.
When your toddler goes through the pile of laundry you just folded because you've too busy reading this thread and goes right for your work thongs and tries to pull the rhinestones off them.
Bella21
04-30-2006, 09:31 AM
[QUOTE=Katherine
When you're working at a club you drive to- You make friends with one of your trustworthy clients so that you always have a place to crash in case you're too tired to drive.
[/QUOTE]
:eek: You do that?!!!
bahamianempress
05-06-2006, 10:58 PM
You know ur a stripper when...
1. You eat breakfast before goin to bed and it consists of either, Mcdonald's late night menu, Krystals,Steak and Shake or Denny's.
2.You have a regular cab driver who u have worked out a deal with to pay by the week that way if you have bad nites at work u still can get home safely, and u can call at anytime and they will forget whatever pick up they have to come get u (no meter ever running now!)
3. By the age of 19 you know more professional football players, basketball playes and famous musicians on a first name basis than anyone you know.
4. Football players cook u dinner!
5.You know the ingredients in so many mix drinks people think ur a bartender!
6.You over tip everyone
7.you think nothing of showering with another girl when ur late for work to save time
8.Every rich old white men that looks at u too hard u think must be a customer
9.You have 2 cell phones one for customers and one personal(this is really useful guys i keep a little prepaid phone to give the number to customers who insist on having my number!)
10.you've banned urself from regular clubs because u automatically start shakin ur ass and peeling off clothes lol!
11. When a guy your dating asks u to strip for him even if he doesnt know ur a stripper you get irratated and reply "if u ain tippin, im not strippin" }:D
Anney Dancer
05-07-2006, 08:28 AM
[quote].
... You keep scissors near the tampons... to cut the string
... You have bruises on your knees
So true!
I went ice skating, fell over and landed in the splits totally by accident!
I didnt realise how bad it looked until after i'd got to my feet by sticking my ass out in the air and arching my back - just like on stage! The shame! :-[ ;)
chitownchick
05-07-2006, 04:47 PM
When even your dog sleeps all day and is up all night.
that is my dog .....katherine,....? do you have a chihuahua, the dog on your avatar looks like a chi, thats what i have too.
MzGigi
05-07-2006, 05:40 PM
you know you are a stripper when a man calls your cell phone, and you have to pause and think "is this a customer, or one of my dates?!?"
Bella21
05-07-2006, 07:23 PM
1. It's hard to meet new people because they will eventually ask you what you do for a living
2. Everytime you switch jobs (aka, clubs) you run into someone you've worked with before
3. You own a knife, pepper spray, and/or a taser and you carry at LEAST one with you at all times
Katherine
09-09-2006, 10:29 AM
Ha ha. Just found this again! Been searching. I see some questions on this last page directed towards me... answers:
Bella: Yeah, the guy was my friend who had directed me to that club in the first place. He's not necessarily a custie of mine, but def a custie for that club.
chitownchic: yep yep, my avatar is my fat baby boy!! On my fave color... purple.
And a follow up to the 'worst nightmare breaking ankle one...' that's one of the reasons I've been on a dancing hiatus for so long (other than the dady job thing...)
TigersMilk
09-09-2006, 10:33 AM
Hiding the bathroom to take a call because you dont want that person to know what you do.
avacheetahs
09-09-2006, 11:30 AM
You've tipped people at a fast food restaurant. And then flashed them.
Minette
09-09-2006, 12:33 PM
You look at a girl at work and say, "Oh my god, your tits totally remind me of this other girl I used to work with - they're exactly like yours!"
This happened to me last night.
Oh, and you used to be a total exhibitionist, taking any opportunity to show off your tits. Now, when you're not at work, your attitude is more like, " I'm not showing anything without getting paid for it."
cliteekat
09-09-2006, 12:36 PM
Just one more...
When you will only buy certain kinds of deoderant because they won't glow under the blacklights.
This got me. Which ones glow???
leogirl876
09-09-2006, 01:43 PM
You know you're a stripper when:
1. The first time in your life you get so pissed when a man says "I respect you too much" or when he says "He just wants to take care of you" because we all know those men don't tip or get dances.
2. When you're out in public and a guy starts flirting with you, you think to yourself, if you're not paying me, don't even think you can talk to me let alone flirt with me!!!
3. When you touch your boobs more than you have in your whole life now that you're a stripper.
4. When your bathroom floor & countertops are always a brownish color from the spray bronzer you use and guests wonder what it is.
5. When all of your purchases revolve around what you can use for the club and what you can right off on your taxes.
6. When you're out somewhere and see someone driving a very expensive car (Lamborgini, Ferrari) you wish they were on their way to the club or wish you could recruit them to come to the club to see you.
TigersMilk
09-09-2006, 02:03 PM
When you go to work without a bra knowing its perfectly ok.
cameronfl
09-09-2006, 08:26 PM
When you go to work in pajamas because you'll just be taking them off when you get there anyway
lilmisscharisma
01-16-2007, 07:21 AM
i know it's old but i had to add- you live off of PJ pants, big hoodies, energy drinks, advil, granola bars, arnica, and glucosamine- someone posted about paying in all ones because someone was being a bitch? ha - the cashier being a complete bitch and you decide to pay in all ones and giggle to yourself the entire time she's counting them thinking "and honey every single one of those has been in my ass" ;)
Polekitten
01-16-2007, 05:34 PM
"and honey every single one of those has been in my ass" ;)
This cracked me up!:laughing: :laughing: :rotfl:
manchester
02-08-2007, 06:29 AM
personally,
i figured out i was an official stripper when
- all of the underwear i was buying was boyshorts, bikini bottoms or cotton thongs.
this is mainly due to the fact i have to wear all thing uncomfy sexy shit at work so when i get home i frump it up like crazy haha
Bella21
02-08-2007, 11:03 AM
... you're practically hairless (neck down) all of the time.
TigersMilk
02-08-2007, 11:10 AM
...when you go shopping for regular clothes and see something then automatically think "this is cute for work".
destiny2980
02-08-2007, 11:28 AM
When you hike your leg up onto the counter in the dressing room to adjust your thongs.
blayze
02-08-2007, 12:37 PM
when you "size up" everyone you meet:
men: how much money would they spend?
women: how much money they'd make
virgoamm
02-08-2007, 12:47 PM
When you're out shopping and a guy stares at you and you think to yourself, "Did he see me at work??"
vidadiva
02-08-2007, 12:54 PM
when you own at least one professional stripper pole.
when you have pole parties for you and your girls at your house.
when you have the "support you local stripper" magnet, somewhere in or around your locker.
Minette
02-08-2007, 05:16 PM
when you have the "support you local stripper" magnet, somewhere in or around your locker.
I must own this magnet - where does one get one?
blayze
02-09-2007, 11:37 AM
spencers in the mall... that's where i got mine. they have one that says "support strippers" and "support lap dancing"
verfolgung
02-09-2007, 12:27 PM
I must own this magnet - where does one get one?
Try Here:
http://www.bewild.com/humacarri.html
verfolgung
02-09-2007, 12:30 PM
When you hit the snooze button because you've decided to wear thigh-high stockings rather than shave your legs before work.
LilSweetVixen
02-10-2007, 12:23 PM
when you give a handjob and all of a sudden the dick seems like a pole and your fingers seem like legs.
shasta
02-10-2007, 12:29 PM
When you are straightening/curlying your hair for the 5th time this week, and you think, "Well, I am glad it is not really MY hair."
ExoticEngineer
02-10-2007, 12:51 PM
When you're out at a bar with a bunch of girls and getting up, dancing on the bar is thrilling to them...and you fall asleep.
sxybrat07
02-10-2007, 12:53 PM
When you start freaking out that your cat is playing with a giant black spider, and after you've swatted it to death you realize it's a fake eyelash that she stole off your counter.
ExoticEngineer
02-10-2007, 01:19 PM
^^^ Hahahaha!!!! Oh noooooo! I lost my mind one night when I felt something tickle my face and I turned to look at my pillow case, I thought FOR sure it was a spider. Me; screaming and leaping over my husband, off of the bed, doing the naked "There's a spider over there!" dance.
My husband; laughing so hard it hurt him, holding a faky that I had forgotten to take off before bed!
redhothoney
02-10-2007, 01:44 PM
When you watch HBO real sex & Cathouse to feel normal... lol.
redhothoney
02-10-2007, 01:49 PM
When you avoid any sort of business within 30 miles of your club, when you out with your family so it would be less likely to run into customers.
When you've made friends w-people working the nightshift at walmart or cvs bcuz those are the only places open at 3 in the morning.
When you roll your eyes at girls wearing cotton panties and say "they don't know anything about being sexy!!"
When you see the girls gone wild commercials and say those aren't women... or they are wanna be strippers... lol
Kali Doom
02-10-2007, 03:26 PM
...when you have paper cuts in the WEIRDEST places....
VegasPrincess
02-10-2007, 03:33 PM
*When you go out to a bar, you automatically fold your bill in half, tip rail style, and set it down. *
Lola Rose
02-10-2007, 03:53 PM
when you know 1 phrase in spanish: wanna dance, it's 20$
ChristyWild
02-10-2007, 10:53 PM
Okay, been doing this for five years now, but most of the ones I can think of have already been mentioned, but here goes:
*When your musician friend that you know gives you kudos for finding a new song he plays that you can strip to (Jack Johnson, in my case)
* When your friends always ask to borrow your makeup, 'cuz they know you've always got more than enough
* When you go out with your girlfriends, promising to only spend $20 in drinks, and come home at the end of the night, totally drunk, and you still have that $20 in your purse.
* When you freak if you miss your bi-monthly nail touchups
* When you catch yourself doing the hair flip half a dozen times a day- on your days off
* When, on your days off, you prefer to sit around the house and veg rather then go out and party with friends
All I could think of right now...will try for more later...oh, and have some of my favorites posted up on my livejournal now.
Lysondra
02-11-2007, 06:22 PM
When you don't do any drugs, but you always know where to get the best shit.