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View Full Version : Guys, would you marry a dancer who gives extras?



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Halo
07-12-2003, 09:53 PM
Maybe that's why you want to get married mon ami, but I'll marry for amour [love]

chair
10-21-2003, 11:52 AM
I wonder how guys would feel about marrying a dancer who has EVER given extras, not only the dancers who are doing it now

BigRed1970
10-21-2003, 02:37 PM
There are guys who post on the boards who regularly pay girls for extras in the clubs. I am wondering if since they were attracted to these girls enough to pick them out of the crowd would they see these girls as relationship material if a mutual connection developed, or do they just see girls in the clubs as strictly sexual outlets.

well, I have gotten extras before and the answer for me is well I don't know. if me and the woman really hit it off and bond, and I could trust her to be safe, then yes. I know that all extras are is assited mastubation. there is know love involved, if she saved her love for me, that I could live with that. but then again I don't know how I would reallky react because I haven't been in that situation yet...... :-/

Buffalo
10-21-2003, 02:38 PM
If I knew that going in. If she said she didn't "Do such things" and I found out later, that would not be OK.

Tasha
10-21-2003, 04:08 PM
If I was a girl that danced and gave extras, I wouldn't want a relationship with a guy that enjoys them. If he got extras from one girl, he'd be getting them with every girl. The dude is not going to stop getting his dances and extras just because he makes one "extras prostitute" his official girlfriend. At least that's my opinion.

RedRose2003
10-22-2003, 06:54 AM
Okay...As I have posted already in another thread I will give the quick version. Always wanted to be a dancer, never did, I am doing a private party next month for some quick cash, I was asked by a freind who new I was intrested in dancing. My fiance (been with him for many years) is supportive and has said as long as I don't have sex he is fine if I do extras ie: tit sucking and blowjobs as long as the money is good. We really need money for the wedding and we feel sex does not equal love. We love each other and are comfortable and stable in our relationship. I do not consider myself a whore or slut if I give extras at the party as long as I am paid well for it. I am providing a paid service to better myself. My fiance will be there as my bodyguard and we are both fine with this. I admit I am nervous as hell but looking forward to it.

puderba
10-22-2003, 05:02 PM
hell no.

puderba
10-22-2003, 05:03 PM
woud;nt buy extras either. dances are fun but extras are plain and simple prostitution.

ClassyNYC_Dom
11-03-2003, 10:40 AM
While the question, as phrased, is a bit of an oversimplification in that nothing is ever that simple or black and white, in general, if I loved a woman enough to marry her, I would do so regardless of any extras or anything else she may have provided. However, I am MUCH more open minded and less insecure than most men and dont have the silly double standard many guys seem to have. Said differently, and this is meant tongue in cheek, Ii LOVE slutty girls because Im a slutty guy. Seriously, all of the ladies with whom Ive had a serious relationship have had what one might call a promiscious streak -- even if it was confinde only toh other bi girls -- and thats always been a positive for me since I could never even conceive of geting involved with, let alone marrying, a woman unless she is as sexual, open minded, kinky and wild me. However, I am aware that my attitude is probaly not the norm and that most men would have some issue with their wife stripping and even more so with her providing extras. And I dont minimize their right to feel that way, as long as its not out of jealousy and insecurity because I view those sentiments as rather pathetic.

chair
11-21-2003, 05:41 AM
Some guys who pay for extras may be the ones who are least likely to marry a dancer who performs them

Highest
11-22-2003, 04:18 PM
Hello,

I am a guy and although I have been to some clubs I have never rec'd "extras", But I can only speak for myself in saying it all depends. Of course it would be human nature to be apprehensive and somewhat judgemental in dealing with a person knowing she gives extras but in all honesty I would feel that way from a girl who is not a Dancer but has a reputation that I feel is out there. But for me, yes I would but maybe a condition we would have to agree on is no more extras after we are together...

lapdog
11-26-2003, 01:26 AM
After going to strip clubs for over 20 years (I'm dating myslef so please don;t consider me a dirty old man!) I have always believed that getting the "extras" in any clubs was an urban myth or one saved only for the high rollers in the champagne rooms after spending $1,000's of dollars. This changed quite unexpectedly a year ago while in Ft. Lauderdale at a club I always visit while in the area on business. Being in FL you know it's totally nude and pretty much full contact or as they now call it, "friction" dances. Short of it is met dancer, very attractive, bought @4 dances ($80.00) and next thing I know she say's she'll do more if we go in one of the back rooms that doesn't have (one of the few) cameras in it. For the cost of the dances plus a nice tip got a bj. Thought I fell in love, was ready to sell my house and move to FL and take care of this girl. Moral of th estory here is as dancers you are our "fantasy"...you're the girl we'll never end up with as being as attarctive as most of you are you can pick and choose who "you" want to be with..not vice versa. Would I love to date a dancer...hell yes...is it realistic...probably not and it's not because I'm a dork or something. As one of the other boards here discuss....most of you go for the "bad boys" as opposed to guys who'll treat you like you should and want to be treated. In a bar setting I would be to shy to go up and say "Hi" to you..in a strip club, it's like "where's the party"!! To answer the question.....it could very well lead to dating but could it be lasting?....only time would tell. From a personal standpoint the problem you'd have to overcome would be the "are you doing this activity with other guys" while dating me. Hell, porn stars have
relationships and get married so why not strippers!

Spanky
11-26-2003, 05:01 AM
This is a general thought - naturally, everything would depend on the specific girl and situation, but in general I would have no issues dating a dancer. And if it was a good relationship I would hope it could ultimately lead to marriage.

On the other hand, in general I would doubt I would even date a dancer who gives extras as a routine matter. If that dancer gave me an extra because we had developed a special in- club relationship that would lead to an out of club relationship and I felt that she didn't do it for other guys, than I would likely date her. But while I tend to be liberal on these matters, I couldn't stand it if my GF gave extras as a regular part of her job.

chair
04-03-2004, 04:54 AM
What about if you didn't know? Sometimes, it's not always possible to knoe

polecat
04-03-2004, 01:58 PM
Wow, this thread was dug out of the fossilized record! Somehow I missed it.

My opinion is simple- when it comes to these kinds of things, people that declare a stance are basically bullshitters, only lieing to themselves, or somehow in denial.

You constantly hear dancers state clearly they would never date/go-out with a customer, then a couple years later they are married and popping out their first child with an ex-customer. You hear customers saying they would never dream of dating/marrying a stripper then the same thing often happens. You hear people exclaim they would never perform extras, then a $20K offer drops on their lap and it becomes a wavering consideration. You hear men declare they would never consider an escort or prostitute marriage-worthy, then discover the woman they've been dating for three months happens to be an ex-escort. It seems almost shallow that a single piece of information (one that may have never come up) could possibly change "everything"..

All that being said, I gave up trying to define my own actions years ago. Creating stances have always been based on using personal experiences and forming stereotypes from which to make a decision. Unfortunately, this doesn't suit us well since we will always run into exceptions to our pre-formed stereotypes. True happiness in life can be obtained by removing prejudice from our daily lives and trying to make decisions based on just what's in front of us, and by using a clear and open mind. If I love someone, this is what becomes primary- all obstacles, problems, disbeliefs, standards, rumors, stigmas and issues become of secondary concern. Love involves a committment to one another's happiness, health and safety... prostitution may jeopardize one of more of those things, so these would obviously have to be addressed to mutual satisfaction. Then again, people marry soldiers, firemen or police officers all the time, knowing they are in the line of danger every day... so it would be the same kind of difficulty or strain on the relationship. If the underlying spiritual bond is there, most anything can be managed.

Of the escorts and extras women I know (and no, not from the standpoint of a customer), many lead very lonely and unsupported lives simply due to the stigma. I find that disheartening, but it is their decision to live as such. I know several non-extras dancers that also live a very similar lifestyle. I hope that someday we can live in a world where this is no longer the case, but I shamelessly left my magic wand behind.

Rayleen
04-03-2004, 02:35 PM
What about if you didn't know? Sometimes, it's not always possible to knoe


WARNING
Chair is Lover from EDF aka Romantic Lover on tuscl.com




some customers may be going to strip clubs to find a girlfriend




I read posts bashing dancers who dance in San Francsico and Houston because of the extras that go on there. Is there anyone who feels sorry for dancers who perform sex acts for what may be less money than some of you are paid just to dance? Anyone have a different point of view than just disliking these girls who perform extras?




Does anyone feel sorry for dancers who do extras for practically every customer?





it seems like he wants to go out with you




Some guys who pay for extras may be the ones who are least likely to marry a dancer who performs them

Rhiannon
04-03-2004, 04:07 PM
What about if you didn't know? Sometimes, it's not always possible to knoe


WARNING Chair is Lover from EDF aka Romantic Lover on tuscl.com



Oh seriously, Rayanna? Gawd, that guy's a real winner. I've gotten headaches many nights from trying to read his stupid posts on TUSCL. His posts are hostile and directed directly at us. We'll see how long he's allowed to stick around here. He'll probably screw it up soon. Thanks for the heads up, girl.

:hug:

Farrah_Holiday
04-03-2004, 05:07 PM
What about if you didn't know? Sometimes, it's not always possible to knoe


WARNING Chair is Lover from EDF aka Romantic Lover on tuscl.com



Oh seriously, Rayanna? Gawd, that guy's a real winner. I've gotten headaches many nights from trying to read his stupid posts on TUSCL. His posts are hostile and directed directly at us. We'll see how long he's allowed to stick around here. He'll probably screw it up soon. Thanks for the heads up, girl.

:hug:

Ditto Rhia..Thanks Rayanna..I remember him from ED ! ::)

dymondiva420
04-03-2004, 05:30 PM
There is someone out there for everyone..

edouble
04-03-2004, 07:36 PM
what about you ladies? would you ever consider being with a guy that got "extras" or paid for sex with a prostitute?
I personally would be troubled by the idea of the woman I love selling herself in current times. If it was in the past, then I would still be troubled, but the past is the past. I can't say I would be able to get over it, but I know that a woman's past is what makes her who she is and her past is what brought her to me at this point. If I love her then it's obvious that I would be able to see past many things to be with her.
I've heard a lot of political b/s on this topic, however I think we should stick the issue, which is morals. I know that I wouldn't pay for sex from anyone - and I don't think that anyone should. Plenty of people out there need to get laid- go find one and pair off, you'll both get more enjoyment :~)

Blade
04-05-2004, 09:06 AM
Would I marry a dancer that does extras? More to the point would she marry me since I have slept with more than my fair share of women?
Depending on the definition of extra Deanna(my wife) is an extras girl. In Ct a lap dance is consdered prostitution so the dance is supposed to be a "table" dance, however there is no money to be made here doing a"table" dance so the girls stick to "lap" dances. The guys do grope occassionally but its usually kept pretty low key(a quick touch on the boobs or butt) and, at least in Deas case, it never goes farther than that.
It doesn't bother me in the slightest that some guy may get to touch her boobs..they are after all just attractive pieces of fatty tissue,nor am I worried she may leave me for some assclown with more money.
So I guess my answer is yes I would marry an extras girl.

sander8son
04-05-2004, 11:34 AM
in case i haven't answered this one yet. yes i would. why not?

Adina
04-05-2004, 03:45 PM
As some of you know already, I am an escort, and I have to admit, I am very worried about the prospect of relationships after I leave the biz. I have colleagues who have boyfriends AND work as escorts at the same time (and their b/fs haven't got a clue). Most of the retired escorts I know married men who don't know about their former occupation. I can't even imagine that. When I'm with someone I love, I don't want to be with anybody else. I also want to be 100% honest with that person. I hate keeping secrets. On the other hand, if I go the "full disclosure" route, imagine the advantage a would-be ex-husband would have in court were there to be a custody battle. It's a catch 22, and any woman who is considering offering "extras" or becoming an escort should think very carefully about it.

Polecat, I'm moving to the Bay Area in 3 weeks. I've noticed you are one of the most articulate and drama-free posters here. We should meet up and check out MBOT or GC sometime...PM me if you are interested (that's an NSA offer, not trolling for businesss LOL).

urnemesis
06-11-2004, 01:06 PM
short and sweet HELL NO!

exotica17
06-12-2004, 01:01 AM
Also, Tina you have to rembmer the saying for some of thses guys that like and pay the girls to do extras: "Theres the girl that you marry, and then theres the girl you have fun with."



Apparently, those guys don't know that they can have both with the girl they're married to. :blindfold: ::)

06-12-2004, 02:37 AM
No...
no...
no....
and um... no.

Part 1 for most guys - strippers are hot and are a fantasy. Part 2 for most guys - we'd want you to stop stripping out of jealousy.

Sitri
06-12-2004, 05:12 AM
I have to vent for just a second. I constantly see posts that categorize strippers as a new gender. I recognize that this is Stripperweb, but why is there this need to create new rules that apply only to strippers as if they are not women?

Isn't the question, "Would you marry a woman who is sexually promiscious?".

Aren't there women who are groupies, sleep with everyone in college, etc. etc.? I bet there are a lot of men married to women that don't know she gave some really good BJs in her younger years. Who cares? What only matters is the relationship between two individuals.

In my humble opinion, there are a lot of young adults whether male or female who go through a stage and then are no longer promiscious.

It really seems that the question is, "Would you marry a woman who has been promiscious in the past?" Would you have expectations of an exclusive relationship?"

It depends on the individuals. Might as well ask the question, "Ladies, would you marry a guy who is into beastiality?" Depends, duck or sheep? Who cleans up the feathers?

Forest Gump type of question, " Momma always said Stupid is as Stupid does..." ???

ToriBaltimore
06-12-2004, 07:31 AM
I am not a guy...and if I were... I probably wouldnt really read to deeply into the extras thing. I have close friends who do "extras" and I am still their friend. People are people...and what you have done doesnt really matter when its the past... and if its not the past...its now, I suppose that would something you would discuss depending on your level of caring for the particular person.
Just because a woman is a prostitute doesnt mean she cant find marrige or love...
Just as if a man is a "player" or whatever a male version of a "slut" would be called....doesnt mean he to couldnt settle down or whatever...

Icarus69
06-13-2004, 05:44 AM
for me, only if she stopped with the extras... dancing is fine but as appears to be said by those (here @ SW) in the know.. extras are part of it all now anyway, predominantly...

marriage should be a physical exclusivity between two people ~
shouldn't it ?

Lexi
06-13-2004, 10:31 AM
This topic cracks me. ::) I have met bigger whores at regular bars than at stripclubs. You know, the girls who sleep with any guy at the bar (but because its free I guess its ok)
oh fucking please. If I was a guy, I would NOT marry a whore, thats that.

shift_6x
06-13-2004, 11:45 AM
I agree with Lexi, I have seen bigger whores at regular clubs then at stripclubs as well. Just like many men,some women go out to just get laid just the same. Not a good way to stay away from picking up stds, but oh well for them. This local dj some time ago was actually running his mouth on the air about how he pickedup an std like 4-7 times in one summer. I guess some people are just asking to die. And once a person contracts hiv, there's no turning back.

NinaDaisy
06-13-2004, 01:30 PM
Isn't the question, "Would you marry a woman who is sexually promiscious?".

Aren't there women who are groupies, sleep with everyone in college, etc. etc.? I bet there are a lot of men married to women that don't know she gave some really good BJs in her younger years. Who cares? What only matters is the relationship between two individuals.

In my humble opinion, there are a lot of young adults whether male or female who go through a stage and then are no longer promiscious.



Being slutty is one thing, it's when money exchanges hands for sex that all sorts of other taboos come into play.




for me, only if she stopped with the extras... dancing is fine but as appears to be said by those (here @ SW) in the know.. extras are part of it all now anyway, predominantly...

marriage should be a physical exclusivity between two people ~
shouldn't it ?


Apparently you haven't been reading that closely. Most of us on SW acknowlege that there is always a girl or a few that give extras even at the "best" clubs, and that there are entire clubs known for that, but most of us bemoan the automatic expectation of extras from a certain segment of our clientele.

BTW, I know 2 girl who escort and another who is an admitted "extras" girl that are married. Two are married to European men and the other's husband is Canadian. They know and they don't care from an emotional standpoint and know their wives take precautions.

Oddly, many of the girls I know that go home with whatever willing cute guy on the weekends don't take nearly as many precautions with protection. When's the last time any of these girls used a condom for a BJ?

I'm not endorsing extras here, just pointing out more hypocrisy based on skewed social mores.

darlinpandora
06-13-2004, 02:27 PM
"Dancers" who do extras are not dancers, they are hookers with a day job. Coming from the female perspective, this is one of those deals that pisses me off. I wish to hell that some of these women who do do extras would get caught.
STD's, ect are all something that I would be worried about if i were in this situation. If I were a guy, I wouldn't date this kind of human. That's why Nevada has the prostitution ranches. Get it out of my club.

DancerWealth
06-13-2004, 03:10 PM
"Dancers" who do extras are not dancers, they are hookers with a day job. Coming from the female perspective, this is one of those deals that pisses me off. I wish to hell that some of these women who do do extras would get caught.


I completely agree! Some think that there is a fine line between exotic dancing and prostitution (which is what "extra" work is anyway. Let's call a spade a spade here) but I think it's quite the oposite. There's no fine line about it. The difference is huge. Personally, I love the clubs that don't tolerate extra work because they know it hurts the other dancers who are clean, hurts their business in the long run, and can even mean closing them down if they get raided. I was talking to management of one club down here in Vegas recently when they told me that they had a zero tolerence policy on extra work. I asked what they did to combat it and they told me they have four video cameras in the VIP room and once anyone was caught on camera doing anything extra, they were fired from the club immediately. They even point out the cameras to all the new dancers so they know they mean business. They told me that about once a month they have to fire a dancer for hooking in the club which really isn't bad once you think about just how many dancers there are who do it.

Icarus69
06-14-2004, 08:15 AM
oops didn't read the first post....
went from the title...

never had extras at a club
*recant*

Darren
06-18-2004, 06:43 PM
No...
no...
no....
and um... no.

Part 1 for most guys - strippers are hot and are a fantasy. Part 2 for most guys - we'd want you to stop stripping out of jealousy.


I love honesty and I am all for speaking it :)

In a way I feel sorry for dancers. Your choosen profession puts you in a position where there are many many many guys that won't be okay with you dancing. The problem is that a lot of guys won't tell you the truth about this upfront. They won't because if they are trying to get into your pants (and guys are very motivated to get into a girls pants) they will tell you they are fine with you dancing, heck they will tell you they are fine with you doing extras, and they might even kind of believe it themselves... until the thrill of the kill wears off and the (primal) feelings of jealousy come to the surface. And they will tell you this because they don't want to blow their shot of scoring.

I have never been in the position but I will be honest and say that I wouldn't be okay with my woman doing extras, I wouldn't even be okay with her touching other guys dancing. There, I have in one statement wiped all chance of every dating a dancer (LOL) but it is the truth and the truth rocks :) But then I am not trying to get into a dancers pants so it's okay ;D

Blade has obviously proven himself through word and deed that he is okay with it. So that's cool - he is an exception. And I am sure there are plenty of guys that are cool with their woman erotically touching other men. That is cool too. But what I am saying is that you may not get entirely honest answers to this question (at least not if you ask it in person) because a lot of guys aren't going to be honest about how they feel about a woman dancing. Not if their agenda is to get into your pants and think telling you the truth will ruin their shot.

And I will admit to the contradiction. Yes, I have paid for erotic dances and I enjoyed every moment of it - many of those dances will be memories I enjoy until the day I die, but.... I wouldn't be okay if it was my woman that was dancing like that for another man (let alone doing extras!). I am not saying that makes sense, or it is right, or it is fair. It is not, but it is the truth.

As I said, I feel somewhat sorry for dancers. I have to wonder how many guys you've gone out with, who told you it's cool if you dance, only to find out later (after you slept with the guy) that it really wasn't okay.

Deogol
06-20-2004, 08:55 PM
Wow, this thread was dug out of the fossilized record! Somehow I missed it.

My opinion is simple- when it comes to these kinds of things, people that declare a stance are basically bullshitters, only lieing to themselves, or somehow in denial.

You constantly hear dancers state clearly they would never date/go-out with a customer, then a couple years later they are married and popping out their first child with an ex-customer. You hear customers saying they would never dream of dating/marrying a stripper then the same thing often happens. You hear people exclaim they would never perform extras, then a $20K offer drops on their lap and it becomes a wavering consideration. You hear men declare they would never consider an escort or prostitute marriage-worthy, then discover the woman they've been dating for three months happens to be an ex-escort. It seems almost shallow that a single piece of information (one that may have never come up) could possibly change "everything"..

All that being said, I gave up trying to define my own actions years ago. Creating stances have always been based on using personal experiences and forming stereotypes from which to make a decision. Unfortunately, this doesn't suit us well since we will always run into exceptions to our pre-formed stereotypes. True happiness in life can be obtained by removing prejudice from our daily lives and trying to make decisions based on just what's in front of us, and by using a clear and open mind. If I love someone, this is what becomes primary- all obstacles, problems, disbeliefs, standards, rumors, stigmas and issues become of secondary concern. Love involves a committment to one another's happiness, health and safety... prostitution may jeopardize one of more of those things, so these would obviously have to be addressed to mutual satisfaction. Then again, people marry soldiers, firemen or police officers all the time, knowing they are in the line of danger every day... so it would be the same kind of difficulty or strain on the relationship. If the underlying spiritual bond is there, most anything can be managed.

Of the escorts and extras women I know (and no, not from the standpoint of a customer), many lead very lonely and unsupported lives simply due to the stigma. I find that disheartening, but it is their decision to live as such. I know several non-extras dancers that also live a very similar lifestyle. I hope that someday we can live in a world where this is no longer the case, but I shamelessly left my magic wand behind.



Love conquers all? Never went out with an alcohol/addict did you?

We have prejudices because there are risk factors there. Obvious risk factors.

When we come to know someone, we come to know if they are a high risk or a low risk.

If I found out my GF was doing extras - that would fucking be it. No open mindedness about it. There is AIDS out there these days, nothing to be trifled with.

I am pretty open minded, but I have my hard stances. Self-protection has to be a factor.

pinups4
08-13-2012, 03:52 PM
Depends where her line is. Extras as in contact that won't bring home bugs (and no condoms don't make it safe) ok...in limited amounts for huge cash

I've dated porn girls and dancers who push the line...so its all good if safe

Hoewver...adding to my STD risk or not making HUGE bank at it...why bother

Kellydancer
08-13-2012, 04:05 PM
Why did you bump an 8 year old thread? Since it was bumped I will state that I wouldn't marry a man who sleeps around so I expect a man not to expect that from me. I plan to be 100% monogamous when I marry and would expect that from my husband as well or he wouldn't be my husband.

Btw, I miss several in this thread like Deogol.

papillonluvr
08-13-2012, 04:50 PM
^^ you took the words right out of my mouth, Kelly. Lol I agree wih everything you said (including missing some older posters)

Djoser
08-18-2012, 01:44 AM
At first I was wondering why the bump of such an ancient thread.

Then it hit me how much I miss a lot of the old posters as well. Lexi, Bridgette, Leigh_Landon, Prester_John, and more. I also got a kick out of seeing Emily's whining oranges. One of the best SW avatars, ever...

BlackSheEp3
08-19-2012, 10:58 PM
Okay old thread but since its been bumped...

I would say no.

Dancing is one thing and I can live with that but the extras I cannot handle.

BlackSheEp3
08-19-2012, 10:59 PM
At first I was wondering why the bump of such an ancient thread.

Then it hit me how much I miss a lot of the old posters as well. Lexi, Bridgette, Leigh_Landon, Prester_John, and more. I also got a kick out of seeing Emily's whining oranges. One of the best SW avatars, ever...

Random but remember cosicafire I think her handle was? Is she still around? She was one cool lady.

papillonluvr
08-20-2012, 04:43 AM
I remember Corsica. But haven't seen any posts lately.

Almost Jaded
08-21-2012, 12:41 PM
This may be older than than dirt, but it was an epic read, lol. Among other things - blatant hypocrisy is always hilarious.