View Full Version : Why do so many dancers hate men?
Djoser
05-13-2003, 11:30 AM
"If anything, dancing has given me insight into the darkness of humanity-- (male AND female). I realize now that there is pain in living for everyone, and pointing the finger at anyone or any group is utterly useless. "
That is profound...
ATLDiscoLawyer420
05-13-2003, 01:51 PM
I have been through a very abusive relationship that lasted two years, from 16 through eighteen during and after high school. This person beat me, belittled me, and made me think horrible things of myself. I drew the line after we broke up and he started stalking me, while dating another, much younger girl (statuatory rape scenario). He beat me up and held me hostage in our college apartment, shared by two other people. I finally got the will to call the police after this. My injuries were documented, I went to court, and made the restraining order stick. Through all of this I couldn't help but think, "He wasn't always this way..." (and he wasn't). I since have come to the understanding that he has deep-seated psychotic issues that he is now on ,medication for.
After all of this happened, I made the decision to dance. I was not destitute or anything, but the job had always been interesting and was one thing that I had gotten beaten up for asking to do. Besides, I was so alienated fropm my family at that point that those inhibitions ceased to matter. I was wild, joyful, and on the rebound, and loved every minute of my "dancing therapy". The women I met were so strong, so honest with themselves. I thought I never wanted a serious relationship again, especially since I figured out how to gratify my needs. It was during this troubled time that I met a very special person. He began as a sportfuck, a conquest. I hated men as a group, and demanded nothing from them as partners. But sometimes life has a way of biting you in the ass as soon as you've made up your mind about something. What I thought would a fling lasted month after month, until I realized I loved Dave, not just for his influence on my life, but for his heart and mind. To boot, I couldn't exactly ignore how respectful he was of my chosen job. I have never been his ho, and all he brings me is joy. As a result, I am fully able to attack my worknight knowing that no matter what, he will be there.
To wrap this up, I understand first-hand the falsehood, games, perversity, and disrespect a dancer will get at work. I also know the pain of relationship violence and mental abuse. But I no longer hate, or even dislike men. If anything, dancing has given me insight into the darkness of humanity-- (male AND female). I realize now that there is pain in living for everyone, and pointing the finger at anyone or any group is utterly useless.
\
Glad to hear that you were both strong enough to leave that situation but resilient enough not to give up on love and life. Life does take weird twists and turns, but it sounds like you are happy, andthat's what it is really all about.
Very well put Rayne.
Dreamer
05-14-2003, 05:47 AM
i have a million reasons
because every guy thats ever said'i love u has beated the shit outta me
because every guy thats said 'i swear im not lying..i have caught i lies''
because in the beginning the are sweet, charming, loving , affectionate and love my 'free spirit'..then after they get u to move in and give up friends and family''because i just want u all to myself'' they become moody, brooding , aloof, cold, abusive and downright evil,, and i'm now just 'wild'
i had a guy just recently i've had to give the boot to because i swear he just liked my five year old son...he gets my son a $100 train set for christmas and he gives me a red wings hockey shirt whereas last year he gave me money and a beautiful watch this year i get a buddy gift
every time he comes over he has something for sam...the last straw was when he took sam to cut down a christmas tree...i got sam all dressed in snow pants jacket etc...i find out later when sam got home they went to his house to get a saw,(if he already knew he was getting a tree why didnt he have the saw in the car?)then he brings him into his house and takes his snow pants off (why why why) now mind u sam and i are close and he would tell me if something happened...but i think he was just getting him accustomed to his house for future visits...i havent spoken to this guy pretty much since...he never called over the holidays but when sam got back from his fathers he did...i keep having and excuse not to talk to him on the phone..this is the same guy that swore to me a million times that he was'nt married and that he lived with his portugese mother
and u ask why i hate men
they're all liars
to me anyway
sorry this was so long but ive been wanting ot get this out for awhile now
thanx
Thanks for sharing Holly Day. I know that must have been painfull to reveal. I've had my share of bad runs with women. My first five girlfriends all cheated on me. What? i thought that's what guys do to girls. You've got to look at it this way . Cheating takes two to tango. In the heterosexual case, for each guy who cheated on his significant other, there was a member of the other gender that allowed the illicit encounter. Sometimes the third party is unaware(as in the Lacy Pierson case) and sometimes not. But eventually the situation should be discovered by all parties and it would be their decision as to the conclusion. So basicly that means cheating upon genders is a zero sum gain. It's always balanced or closely so. By your rationality I should hate all women. I don't.
You know ,with the exception of our parents and family members , we chose who to invite into our lives. If you are a bad judge of character, which I might say I didn't really start off that well, you will always suffer the consequences of your decision. Because I started out with a bad lot did not make me bitter. It just meant when I met the right one she would shine that much brighter over the others. i take responsibility over my own choices which is all I can do anyway. You can't be responsible for the other person. Who knows why they turned out to be the asshole they are. Just be relieved that they are out of your life now. Living is painful because you don't know if the next person you meet is genuine or not. Learning is a painfull process but it gives you strenght and eventually will heighten your pleasure.
I hope you will change your attitude because eventually you will pass it on to your son. Nothing good can come from a person that hates themself. By the way, I love you. Keep being the free spirit that you are but learn to avoid the bad apples.
chair
10-21-2003, 12:17 PM
I think that some clubs, particularly UPSCALE ones CATER to men who are away on business (and sometimes have wives who don't know where they are)
Vicki-Valentine
10-21-2003, 01:43 PM
I love men. I have very good relationships and many of my closest friends are men.
Buffalo
10-21-2003, 02:49 PM
I wonder if that's true? My daughter is a dancer and I've met a lot of her friends. I have never felt "hate" or evan dislike. Then again I have not been on the make or trying to get anything from them.
Tasha
10-21-2003, 03:54 PM
Hate some, love some, adore some, disgust some. The question asked is due to men that really know how to make a woman feel shitty. Expecting sex, grabbing things they shouldn't, talking to women like they're trash and deserve to be treated that way. Sit there like a bunch of dorks and spend nothing and expect something in return. Assholes like these are why girls leave saying I hate men! Here's one comment. I know this really pretty girl, has been in Hustler magazine, she asks this retard guy for a dance, he says, "your tits aren't big enough," she's like "what?" (because she can't believe he'd behave like such a retard) he says "come on for real." She dumps a drink on the dude. Good for her. Idiots like this hurt woman in so many ways. It's dildo's like this guy that screw it up for the good guys. I don't see women treat men this way. Even if the guy is revolting, girls usually just say no thank you or make up an excuse when turning a guy down for something. There are some wonderful guys out there too. Friendly, courteous, respectful to all. And some by far that know how to treat a lady like a lady.
RitzyGlitzy
10-21-2003, 04:33 PM
I don't hate men but I sometimes hate how they behave at clubs. I hate the customers who think they are better than anyone else. I hate the customers who come in and treat us like we are a piece of meat. I hate the customers who go into strip clubs just to look for a date wont wont spend a single dollar on any of the girls. I hate the customers who tell me that what I'm doing is morally wrong.
I agree with RitzyGlitzy
Some guy talk bad about the dancers. Why go to a strip club if you dont like the girls. Also I have a problem with guys that ask me to go to a hotel with them. We are dancers not prostitutes. I know some girls give extra but not all girls are like that. I when I say no I mean it.
brendalee
10-21-2003, 08:25 PM
I have also been in abusive relationship. The guy seemed perfect at first and I thought he was the one. Until he became a royal assehole and constantly make me feel bad my self. I honestly never let my guard down with people but for some reason I did with that jerk. He would constantly look at other girls and I was thought they were all prettier than me. I thought maybe if I looked like them he would look and treat me special. I met a dancer friend who told me I had to get out of this relationship. I told him I was babysitting her kids but I really was stripping and saving my money. Waiting for the perfect time to leave his sorry ass. It felt really good to dance and have guys pay and tell me I was beautiful. I left him a dear John letter and told him to fuck off. I changed my cell number and moved really far away. The thing about abusive relationships you have to lose all contact. You can't let the guy find you because wants they do it's over. Abusive men are salesmen and know how to manipulate women. I have spent a year healing and learning that I truly must love myself before I can be in any relationship.
The industry has made me more of the behaviors of men. I can tell what guy is about just by talking to him for an hour. Look at guys relationship with his mother that is how he will treat you!
jordankeywest
10-21-2003, 08:35 PM
i know they say the only stupid question is the 1 not asked but i suddenly beg to differ or have you NEVER been to a strip club?
Dreamer
10-22-2003, 07:26 AM
First of all you have to consider the place that you are working in. S.C.s are not known for wholesome reputation. If you take your entire perspective from one domain definitely it will affect your view. If you spent a majority of your life in prison wouldn't you say that would affect you view of the world?
I have performed for over 800,000 people. Wouldn't you call that a good population sample? From my experience , men are no better or worse than women to any significance. But that's just my opinion.
Bella21
10-22-2003, 05:40 PM
I don't hate ALL men... just most of them. There are a few out there who are really sweet.
Kianna_Jayde
10-22-2003, 06:00 PM
We dancers don't hate all men, just the loud, ignorant ones who's always asking for sex... [argue]
msjoey
01-30-2004, 03:03 AM
Totally sicko and disgusting!!! Report all child molesters/abusers to authorities, including suspicious ones!!! Don't let them off!! Keep yours kids safe, don't leave them with ppl unless u are ReaLLyy sure they can be trusted, even so, constantly check on them (call) even if they're with sitters. I have heard stories also of young girls 13, 14 carrying their father's/stepfather's child! These things just bring me to a boil!!! HATE MEN!!!
Dreamer
01-30-2004, 01:02 PM
OFFICIAL DISCLAIMER LOL I did not write this article.
Madcap
01-30-2004, 02:03 PM
*Mr. Rogers impersonation* "Can you say: Flame Bait topic? I knew ya could."
Madcap
01-30-2004, 05:51 PM
I really don't get the impression that Dancers hate men. Maybe it's that they hate ASSHOLES, but since not all men are assholes... well, it's easy to figure out.
If any male thinks most (or just many) Dancers hate men, let me ask what female dominated message board there is where you WON'T find the occasional "MEN SUCK" thread? And i'm talking ANY female dominated forum, not just one composed of Exotic Dancers...
Topaz
01-31-2004, 08:23 AM
???
...but...the MAJORITY of men ARE assholes though...and i'm not a dancer...so i can't speak for them...
polecat
01-31-2004, 12:13 PM
...but...the MAJORITY of men ARE assholes though...
I totally buy this, especially since the MAJORITY of people ARE assholes. It only takes 5 minutes driving in traffic to discover this fact. Large public gatherings like fairs, exhibits and conventions strengthen this as well. You're surrounded by ninnies. Get used to it LOL.
I call it the 10% rule. Of ALL things, only 10% are exceptional. This goes for material objects as well as people. Nature loves a bell curve and most people are natures gift to that bell curve.
Topaz
01-31-2004, 04:16 PM
10% are exceptional?...more like 5% or less as far as i'm conserned...which is why i stay to myself most of the time...and stopped dating...
Madcap
01-31-2004, 11:21 PM
We love you Topaz!
:kiss: :puckerup: :lovestruck: :flirt:
Oh, no, i'm liquered up and posting! Someone save me!
erotictonic
01-31-2004, 11:40 PM
I admit it... I hate men with a serious passion. Why? Because I just got out of a sick 9 year relationship with a freaking nutcase. He started out by making jokes at my expense. Then went on to screaming and choking me, and by the end was physically assaulting me daily. He stared at every woman that walked by, and flirted right in front of me. I found out in the end that he had affairs throughout the relationship, including one for 3 yrs. Now he is awaiting sentencing on a Criminal Domestic Violence of a High and Aggravated Nature charge for hitting me in the head with a full beer bottle. I had to get 4 staples. That was the end. Now I have a 1 yr. Order of Protection. He told me the day before this happened that he had been seriously molested and tortured by his sick family as a child. He hid all this from me because he knew I wouldn't go out with him if I knew. I knew he was pretty screwed up, but I didn't know the details. Guess what? He is a lead vocalist for a living. Do not go out with any musicians. 9 times out of 10 they have been molested and beaten and they are just waiting to drag you into their trap so they can do it to you. All of the musicians around here are that way. I know several that have wives that don't know it. They all cheat, lie, and use people. I don't think I will ever date another man. >:(
polecat
02-01-2004, 12:06 AM
Do not go out with any musicians.
Bass players are safe! Really! ;D
Jay Zeno
02-01-2004, 01:59 AM
A musician friend told me this:
"What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?"
"Homeless."
If I based my liking on what one person had done with/to me, I'd forever be hating and adoring people, just depending on how I was either being treated by some rude asshole or some very nice friend.
Kinda funny - I have female colleagues who talk about how much they generally dislike doing business with women - they'd much rather do business with men. When I talk to them, I'm defensive for women. I'll talk to a disenchanted woman who dislikes guys, and I'll be defensive for men.
But ultimately, hey, there's people who hate each other for any number of reasons - race, or gender, or age, or religion, or hairstyle, or personal experience that they slather the blame over to others. And who am I to try to talk them into believing something else? However they want to feel, they'll do so. And whether it makes them feel good or bad, that's how they choose.
Topaz
02-01-2004, 06:48 AM
erotictonic...
:highfive:
i hear you girl...i also think that joking about her experience...is NOT cute...
as far as placing blame goes...i greatly dislike men...yes this is true...it is based on personal experience AND my observations over the years...but do i blame them for all that is wrong in my life...NOPE...that would be unfair...and untrue...
the one i blame for my fucked up life is the one i see in the mirror every morning...the one typing this post...
(and please no jokes...this isn't funny)
SexyBooty
02-01-2004, 09:29 AM
because we have to change personalities all night long rub over your hard jeans get bums on our booties and try to fight you guys trying to kiss, grab etc.STRESSS 24/7!:)
erotictonic
02-01-2004, 12:08 PM
here is what i think about the situation... i needed help. i came from a bad environment and i had learned to live life as a victim. he, and many others, were willing to take advantage of that fact. as members of society we have a responsibility to help these people, not make them worse. that is why he and all the others who are willing to do this are slimeballs. i have no respect for anyone who would take advantage of ignorance or helplessness. believe me, it's not just that experience that i am basing my opinion on. i have a thousand stories.
Dreamer
02-01-2004, 12:40 PM
the one i blame for my fucked up life is the one i see in the mirror every morning...the one typing this post...
(and please no jokes...this isn't funny)
Gosh darn Topaz! That's one statement I NEVER expected you to say! You are NOT a bad person. You've just shown me that. You are at the point where you've decided to take charge of your life. :D
Dreamer
02-01-2004, 01:01 PM
Okay, everyone has been to a grocer's ,right? When we go to pick peaches are we upset that some are still green, blemished, diseased or insect infected, overripe, or somehow undesirable? Are we afraid that they won't be chosen or remain until they must be thrown out? Heck no! We just pick the ones that appeal to us then move on to our next item.
Has anyone seen "The fifth wheel" on TV? Well if you have you know that if one person rejects another for this or that reason, the next person might pick them despite what the first saw as character flaws. There is no law that determines what characteristics you choose your mate upon. One man's waste is another man's treasure.
There are very few true individuals in society. Most of us are keeping to the social norms society expects of us. That means that if some guy or girl treats you this way , then it may very well be because in their circle , that's what was expected of them.
We all have the right to pick who we associate with. It doesn't bother us that there may be others around us that don't conform to our liking. Going back to the peaches. We don't complain that there are flawed peaches. The reason we complain is that the one(s) we picked turned out to be lemons. Who's fault was that? We are emotional creatures. We base our choices upon our feelings. If we chose by logic , then it would be a totally different scenario.
By the way, I still like peaches.
erotictonic
02-01-2004, 01:19 PM
I am going to have to say that i disagree with you. #1 it was not my fault that i was raised by a molestor/ alcoholic / emotional abuser father and a victim mother. i learned what i saw, and i didn't know different. it was not my fault that i was naive. if i would've known what i know now, i would not have picked him. he knows that, that is why he lied. it was not my "fault" that i didn't know differently. #2 I did base my choices on my feelings. Now i base my choices on logic. Speak for yourself, not all of us. #3 Whether it is expected in their circle or not, it is wrong. doesn't anyone have a mind of their own? i am not going to do something that i know is wrong because it will impress someone else. these people are not treating people this way because it's in their circle. they are treating people this way because they had vicious upbringings. they need help, not acceptance. do you accept criminal behavior because that is what is expected in their circle?????? Murderers expect one another to murder too. This to me is a f'ing ridiculous point of view.
erotictonic
02-01-2004, 01:30 PM
Another thing i have to say is that no, we don't complain that there are flawed peaches. The flawed peaches aren't hurting other peaches, either. If that flawed peach was ruining all the good peaches and all that was left were flawed peaches, then would you complain??
Topaz
02-01-2004, 02:19 PM
am i to blame for falling for the lies of ASSHOLES (men)...i think not...and now that i know the characteristics of an ASSHOLE (man) ...i stay away from them....
(and i still HATE 'peaches')
polecat
02-01-2004, 02:31 PM
i had learned to live life as a victim.
and
i have no respect for anyone who would take advantage of ignorance or helplessness
While I have no respect for these kind of people as well, they are unfortunately a necessary evil. People that do go through life considering themselves a victim for some reason naturally gravitate towards this element and it's a necessary hell for realization. You can only get walked all over for so long before you realize the pain is from other people's shoes. Call it a natural sick irony, but it forces a decision of either self-destruction or path to recovery. I'm glad to hear erotictonic was strong enough to take the right path.
And Topaz is 100% correct. Although the source may be outside, the solution lies within. You come into this world alone, you'll also go out of it alone. Everything in-between is in total control of one (1) person.
We wake up every day, open then relock a double-locked, dead-bolted door to our dwelling. We then walk out to our cars, unlock and use a key to start the ignition and park at work- from which we then re-lock and often set an alarm. We've learned to do all this while discounting the incredibly surreal pathos behind the need of such things and what it symbolizes about our society. If you think it's just males that make-up this element, then you obviously haven't lived in a city where drug-addicted females will steal or even kill every bit as well as men. "Bad" people come in all ages, sizes and genders- and to different degrees of evil.
The main point being- although we are surrounded by what we consider ugliness, bitter, spiteful and even evil individuals- intermingled within are some that defy this nature. There are some out there that are kind, gentle, loyal, insightful, impactful and truly wonderful people that can enrichen and enlighten our lives.. and they come in both genders. When you find more grounded, happy-go-lucky individuals, it can almost always be attributed to their either current or past exposure to these kinds of individuals and the combining is mutually therapeutic. Contact, even if temporary, with one of these can make-up for 100+ of the pathologically evil and it gives us hope and inspires us towards the human condition around us. Without that, there is only emptiness.
erotictonic
02-01-2004, 02:33 PM
My point is this: Men are going to take advantage of helplessness and ignorance as much as possible. If a naive 18 year old is willing to go out with and sleep with a 37 year old man, he is going to do it. It doesn't matter if she wouldn't do so if she were less naive. If she will keep him up and pay his bills, he will do it. If he can get away with cheating or can successfully cover it up, he will do it. He acts totally different around his friends. She doesn't really know him at all. He is what she wants him to be when she is around. Then, when the time comes and he finds what he considers a bigger and better deal, he dumps her. It doesn't matter if she was loyal and loving. There is no such thing as love in his eyes. If a man can get away with touching in a strip club, he will. If he can pay a woman to have sex, he will. And he will treat her like dirt. No matter that he is just as dirty for doing it. If a woman that is better looking than his wife wants him, he will leave his wife. He will cheat as much as he can. A man will go as far as he can or you let them go, with no conscience. This is animalistic. IMO society will never evolve as long as we participate in this behavior.
erotictonic
02-01-2004, 02:59 PM
And thanks, polecat. My eyes are open and now I see. This is a time of change for me, and I am turning my life around. No longer will I be available as a victim.
Jay Zeno
02-01-2004, 09:09 PM
I am going to have to say that i disagree with you. #1 it was not my fault that i was raised by a molestor/ alcoholic / emotional abuser father and a victim mother.
I agree.
But it's not my fault, either.
Good luck.
Madcap
02-01-2004, 09:20 PM
And thanks, polecat. My eyes are open and now I see. This is a time of change for me, and I am turning my life around. No longer will I be available as a victim.
Then you are better off now than a lot of people are. Good luck in the future.
:thumbsup:
Topaz
02-02-2004, 04:30 AM
ok fellas...let me break this down...if the only example of the behavior of a man that a woman has seen is abusive...or a lying...cheating...asshole...if she hates those things...she will hate you...regardless of whether you were an active participant in the negative things in her life or not...
no...you are not the abusive father (or in my case...grandfather)...no you are not the lying...cheating...bf/husband...no you are not the wife/ girlfriend beater...but you are a man...and you represent the abuser...cheater...whatever...how does she know that you won't go there?...
and don't tell me that people need to be willing to take risks...when a woman has taken so many...and still wound up with assholes...she is not going to rush to take anymore...and if she's never seen the so called good in men...how is she going to expect it (or demand it)?...
down time...away from the objects of hate...is in order...for self love and appreciation...she needs to take care of herself...without having you in her face...or anywhere around her sometimes...she's not a bitch because she doesn't want to be with you...or because she's no longer willing to put up with the bullshit that men dish out...
some women give up on men entirely...deal with it...stop complaining about a woman blaming you for her relationship problems...some do...some don't...stop trying to lay the blame on her (example: a woman that gets beat down by her man is not the one at fault)...
there are women that don't hate men out there...for the ones that do...maybe if the asshole factor died...and men started treating women right...like the queens that we are...the percentage of women that hate men MIGHT decrease...
'kay i'm done...corporate cubicle land is calling...
Jay Zeno
02-02-2004, 07:00 AM
Topaz, I'm not blaming. I don't expect anything from anyone. If a woman wants to give up on all men (or a man on all women, or a black person on all white people, or a Muslim on all Christians, etc., etc.), they can do so. They sure have the right to. And if their only experiences with those other people are bad, I don't blame them.
Complain? Maybe I can, a little bit. If I've treated people right during my life, and I've got the family, friends, and business to show for it, and then I get told I'm a lousy, abusive, uncaring, cheating person because of my chromosomes, without them ever having seen or known me, then yeah, I think I can complain. A little bit. So I have. Just a little bit.
But hatred of me, sight unseen, and my little complaining about it won't change anything. I wish you the best and hope that either you find people you can believe in or happiness in your reclusion.
erotictonic
02-02-2004, 10:50 AM
Jay, he has his own business too, is popular, admired, had a family, and tons of friends. He treats them all great. It's me that he used as a punching bag. He hid it well, but in the end I started going out in public with the bruises to show people he wasn't as wonderful as they thought. Did they care? Not his friends. Birds of a feather flock together. They are all slime. I believe that I did change some people's opinions, though. Are you trying to tell me that you have NEVER cheated on a girlfriend/wife?
Jay Zeno
02-02-2004, 11:15 AM
Tonic, I'm sorry for the abusive person. There are people who don't use punching bags at all. If you've been treated to the punching bag routine, I don't blame you for viewing men as punchers. Likewise, if I'm being told I'm somebody I'm not, you can understand that I might want to complain about that.
Have I cheated? I don't want to get terribly personal here, and I suspect that what I say wouldn't matter much. If I said "yes," it would prove the point. If I said "no," it wouldn't be believed.
I've had an indiscretion that stopped well short of cheating. Others may disagree and call it cheating. My LTR had a major indiscretion that could certainly be called cheating. I'm not going into detail on either of those. But the important part is that we've gotten past all that, and we know that our relationship together is the most important thing. There's never been violence in our relationship.
Birds of a feather flock together? Perhaps you're right - most of our friends are pretty much the same way we are. Nice to each other, faithful, committed, loving and pretty happy.
Dreamer
02-02-2004, 04:45 PM
Another thing i have to say is that no, we don't complain that there are flawed peaches. The flawed peaches aren't hurting other peaches, either. If that flawed peach was ruining all the good peaches and all that was left were flawed peaches, then would you complain??
You're right erotic, we don't have a choice as to what parents, culture, race, religion, gender ,etc. that we were born into. We have the choice as to who we pick as our associates once we leave the nest. If you were born unto bad parents, culture , etc. you now have the opportunity to avoid and break any further association with such type. Why would you remain living the same depressing life over? You don't have to pick the rotten peaches over again.
Most people conform to their culture. Most Jews eat only kosher food. Most Americans speak English. So most people do what they think is right in their culture. The problem arises when people are brought up in different cultures are brought together. Both will insist the other culture is wrong and their culture is right.
No , murder is not right and most societies speak out against it. As the world goes, wrong is something that somebody else labels you . Unless there is some agreement as to the terms of the violation the violator may very well consider themselves in the right. Don't you think terrorists see themselves as legitimate?
Can other peaches contaminate other peaches? Of course, but my whole article is about avoiding the diseased peaches and not being affected by them.
Once you become free from your upbringing , nobody has to return to be a victim. :D
Madcap
02-02-2004, 05:12 PM
Are you trying to tell me that you have NEVER cheated on a girlfriend/wife?
Never been married, but I've had serious girlfriends. I've never cheated on one of those. Little puppy love, 'seeing each other' stuff is a different story. I'll put it to you this way, I've never betrayed anyone I promised I wouldn't betray. I have, however, been cheated on. I didn't turn around and cheat back (that's retarded), didn't have to. Broke up with her the second I found out for sure, no drama, no hard feelings.
Dreamer
02-03-2004, 11:48 AM
Hey guys, you see that little smiley to the left <---- ? That's me. I'm almost always happy. Despite my well known karma rating LMAO. Why ? Because I don't let others determine how I feel.
Jay , don't bother answering the question on fidelity. They will only twist it to their own aims. It's just a flame invitation.
Pole, people don't have to stand under the heels of others. You can only be hurt (emotionally) by people that you allow to get close to you. You pick the peaches, they don't pick you.
Topaz, I don't care whether or not you don't like peaches. The important thing is that you are beginning to see the cause and effect relationship you have in the situation. If you choose to hate peaches all your life that's fine. You live life as you see fit. Personally I don't choose to hate, just avoid things i don't like.
Do some men treat women bad? Of course there are . What's that saying? Is that the way your mother taught you to act? Well isn't aberrant behavior a result of poor upbringing? Is anyone blaming the mother or parents for the behavior of the offensive?
Who do you think attacks who more- an adult or a child, a fat person or a body builder, the well or the sick, the rich or the poor? The stronger will more likely attack the weaker of course. We all know that everyone is supposed to respect the other as equal but in reality we almost always know that this will probably never happen. Instead of complaining about the way things are why aren't you doing something about it? Nobody gets anywhere by complaining they're the victim and expecting pity. The only way out is to make yourself strong and be able to handle your own life instead of allowing others to influence you.
erotictonic
02-03-2004, 01:29 PM
Who said we were victims? We used to be victims, and we definitely don't expect pity. I think we are past that. You havent told us anything we don't already know. You obviously have never been on the receiving end of abuse. Yes you're right: the jock is going to victimize the nerd. And I will complain about it. There is something I can do about it. I can be friendly and helpful to the nerd and ignore the jock. I don't accept this behavior. I think human beings should be smarter than dogs. Yes, it is a result of poor attitudes and upbringings. I do blame the parents. If they are not healthy, then they shouldn't have children. And no one here is giving anyone flame invitations. This was a legitimate, honest question from someone who has been lied to repeatedly concerning fidelity. I also worked in sc where married men were coming in every night trying to get dates. I've seen alot of abusive behavior there towards the dancers as well. Yes, I can do something about it. I can choose not to date men anymore. If you want to be lied to, be their guest.
Topaz
02-03-2004, 04:07 PM
i do avoid what/who i don't like...whenever i can (sometimes that isn't possible)...and mommie didn't raise me poorly....my home wasn't abusive....she just had to do on her own...i learned from experience...not on the word of someone else...
sometimes when you give a person enough rope...they'll hang themselves...my mom never spoke bad about my dad...never...his own actions almost killed that relationship...but time heals all wounds...and i don't hate my dad...i don't even hate my grandfather...it's not my fault he forced his perversion on me...that was his issue...not mine...
i'm taking a hiatus from men...don't know how long it will be....but it's needed...the unfortunate thing is that i'm surrounded by 'men' who behave poorly....and people in general who are unkind by nature...so i'm staying in my cave for the time being...'til i can get to greener pastures...
and that's what makes reclusiveness a good thing...
*ohmmmm*
Dreamer
02-04-2004, 12:21 PM
Who said we were victims? We used to be victims, and we definitely don't expect pity. I think we are past that. You havent told us anything we don't already know.
I certainly hope you are past the part being a victim. The only reason a person who has left the nest still feels persecuted is because they return to being a victim either physically or mentally. It's good that we're on the same page.
You obviously have never been on the receiving end of abuse.
Oh my God if that isn't the statement of the century! I've been cheated on five times by my girlfriends. In high school I was the smallest person in my graduating class! I was totally alienated from fellow classmates because I did not have the same interests- ie football, baseball, basketball. I was told I was homely. I never went to a school prom. Most tauntings I received to get into a physical fight, mostly in junior high, I got out of by simply refusing to fight. No , my childhood wasn't the happiest.
Yes you're right: the jock is going to victimize the nerd. And I will complain about it. There is something I can do about it. I can be friendly and helpful to the nerd and ignore the jock. I don't accept this behavior. I think human beings should be smarter than dogs. Yes, it is a result of poor attitudes and upbringings. I do blame the parents. If they are not healthy, then they shouldn't have children.
You're on the right track. But when I was in high school, most of the cheerleaders went with the jocks. And the jocks act the way they do because they get the attention of the cheerleaders. The behavior is complimentary. If you act like a jock, you get the girl. So why should jocks act any differently?
Yes, parents are majorly responsible for the character of their children. If they don't instill good values, strong characteristics in their offspring then they will surcumb to the evils and temptations of society. So why should men be treated any differently. There are usually two parents in a family. Why do you believe they deserve the blame for their behaviour any different than a womans? Isn't there usually a man and a woman represented in the family?
Unfortunately, we do not have the right to say who can or can't become a parent.
And no one here is giving anyone flame invitations.
There was no reason to bring up the question to the commenter. The question is about fidelity, not the persons personal convictions. It's like discipline. Not all of us have it but we can all speak about how it could benefit us.
This was a legitimate, honest question from someone who has been lied to repeatedly concerning fidelity. I also worked in sc where married men were coming in every night trying to get dates. I've seen alot of abusive behavior there towards the dancers as well. Yes, I can do something about it. I can choose not to date men anymore. If you want to be lied to, be their guest.
Erotic, five times I was lied to about fidelity! Yes, married men go to s.c.'s looking for dates. It just shows the true state of their relationship. Had anything changed? Do you mean that people didn't have marriages on the rocks before s.c.'s came into existence? It's like I was saying about the peaches. It doesn't bother us that there are blemished or diseased peaches around us as long as we don't become involved. If a married man comes to you you just let him know what principles you stand on. You can refuse and turn him down or you can accept and become a homewrecker. The decision's yours. ;D
Dreamer
02-04-2004, 12:35 PM
i do avoid what/who i don't like...whenever i can (sometimes that isn't possible)...and mommie didn't raise me poorly....my home wasn't abusive....she just had to do on her own...i learned from experience...not on the word of someone else...
sometimes when you give a person enough rope...they'll hang themselves...my mom never spoke bad about my dad...never...his own actions almost killed that relationship...but time heals all wounds...and i don't hate my dad...i don't even hate my grandfather...it's not my fault he forced his perversion on me...that was his issue...not mine...
i'm taking a hiatus from men...don't know how long it will be....but it's needed...the unfortunate thing is that i'm surrounded by 'men' who behave poorly....and people in general who are unkind by nature...so i'm staying in my cave for the time being...'til i can get to greener pastures...
and that's what makes reclusiveness a good thing...
*ohmmmm*
It isn't always possible to avoid all those offend you. It's even harder when that group is approximately 3 billion of the planet.
How many people have hurt or seriously affected you? Let's say that maybe six people in your life have. That's 1/1,000,000,000,000th of this world. Scientificly , that is insignificant, it's a deviation, it's a glitch. Yet we let these few determine our whole view on the world.
Think about it.
Madcap
02-04-2004, 12:48 PM
Wasn't a Jock, wasn't a Nerd (though, due to shared interests like Sci-fi, Comics, etc... I had a lot of kinda geeky friends). I suppose the clique I fit most into was the Stoners. Had a lot of Jock friends, I never minded them (well, most of them). I always did great with the ladies, given that I am no Brad Pitt. I had a pretty cool childhood/young adulthood.
I suppose I can say that I have never been on the recieving end of abuse. Never been on the dishing out side, either (Though I love to tease).