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WildBill
07-13-2003, 05:19 AM
I think what it basically comes down to is,

If your partner knows you are not comfortable with it and tells you to "get over it" or ignores your feelings about it, than it's time to get over him.

If your partner doesn't respect your feelings regarding it, do they value your relationship.

Curious, you say you are not a dancer so there is a double standard situation for you.

Victoria_Lane
07-13-2003, 06:31 AM
Working in clubs, and knowing what DOES go on, no. It isn't like any of the girls will go home with him. Anything that happens in the club, even with really dirty dancers to me is not a big deal. I also trust my man. I know he respects dancers and would never, ever touch them.

I suppose it's a security issue really. I am very secure with my relationships.

Bunny
07-13-2003, 07:24 AM
I'm not a stripper but I've been in a club and I have a lot of guy friends and I know what goes on. I would not mind if my current boyfriend went alone to a strip club and got a dance because I trust him. I am also not a very trusting person by nature either, but we've been friends for a while before we started dating so I know I wouldn't have anything to worry about. I don't care if he looks at other women. I think women are beautiful. As long as he doesn't go so far as to get the "extras" I'm all for it. Last year for his birthday he went to a strip club and I hope he gets to do the same this year.

natalie
07-14-2003, 05:40 AM
it wouldnt bother me in the slightest. we have a trusting relationship/ just last nite we went and hung out at a club with this girl im adoring...and we went into the VIP room with her. she was all over me..I was like..."GIVE HIM SOME!" hehe. i think its hot. so long as Im with him and the girl digs me, too. ;) im willing to share. :D :D

preciousinMO
07-15-2003, 08:32 PM
CAN I WATCH?

alludination
08-26-2003, 09:15 PM
I have been with my fiancee for 7 years...since I was just barely 19. In these years, I have not only grown as a person, but out relationship has grown as well. Many things that we now consider "normal", I would have NEVER even imagined when we first got together.

We enjoy going to the occasional club from time to time. However, we have a rule, neither of us are to go without the other one present. This works out well for the both of us, I am not one of those prissy g/fs the my man's friends groan about tagging along. As a matter of fact, I am far more outgoing and laid back than he is.

I have to say that at this time...I would not feel comfortable with him getting a lap dance. An air dance would be fine. I have had a few lap dances and know how they feel and can only imagine how they must feel to a guy.

I have no problem with him enjoying looking at other women. His ATF is built much like me. Well, we are of similar stature, and she is built the way that I ideally should be. It does not bother me in the least. Actually, I am pleased with his choice of women, at least they somewhat resemble me.

But for now, the touching aspect is just too much to ask...but the way our relationship evolves, chances are, he will get the green light on the ld soon enough. LOL

NoaSummer
08-26-2003, 09:45 PM
If it was a pretty girl I would b jelous... not because of him but I want her to give ME a lapdance!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!

Pamela
08-27-2003, 04:57 AM
Ok in another post i said ex was 10 years my juniour this one i said 12, guess thats how important it all is now.

We started seeing each other again, sex and all. He did go out for a party and got dances from some strippers, because he would not tell me different when i asked about the clubs they hit.

Now this loser is history!!!! I could not do shit, phone sex, nude pix, webcam dance, name it.

He never let me dance for him, told me once before i intimidate him. WTF.

Djoser
08-27-2003, 03:57 PM
I made a decision a long time ago not to get lapdances, for two reasons.

One, having had lovers who danced for me at home, because they loved me, and it was a lot of fun for both of us--there is just no comparison. It is not especially exciting for me to have a woman dance for me unless she is turned on by it as well, no matter how good an actress she may be--and within a couple of weeks in the business, any remaining illusions about that were gone. Maybe I am different, I don't know--it ruins the appeal of it...

Two, as a DJ, I have to maintain a professional attitude. If a dancer thinks you have the hots for her, it has a bad tendency to either reduce her respect for you as a professional, or piss off the other dancers, neither of which is an acceptable alternative. In the town I work in, the dancers are constantly moving from club to club, and any dancer I went into VIP with one week could easily be working with me at my club the next--this is not something I want to happen.

It is infinitely preferable for me to buy a dance for a male or female friend, especially if the dancer is a good tipper or an old friend.

As far as other guys, I think it depends on the kind of relationship which exists. If a guy is paying another woman money to grind on his erection, most women would have every right to be upset, and most could not handle it---there are certainly exceptions to this.

There may seem to be a double standard at work here, since the guy's girlfriend may be doing the same thing to many different men every night, but so long as she is doing it in order to make a living, and not for her own pleasure, it is a JOB, and presumably he was aware of that, and how little sexual significance the act holds for her, when he started dating her. He either needs to learn to accept this, or get out of it. The average guy will have trouble with this, especially if he has never seen the inside of the business--maybe that's why some of them feel justified in getting laps, regardless of any displeasure this may cause the dancers they are seeing.

The one way this can be more safely done is for the couple to get a dance together, I have occasionally done this, and it was much a better experience (like it or not, many dancers actually enjoy dancing for other women much more than men), but it should be at the woman's instigation, or at the very least with her willing approval, I feel...

NoaSummer
08-27-2003, 09:05 PM
Then he wanted to 'play a game'.
We went to 3 different clubs, one in Lauderdale 2 up my way now, and each friggin time he got a dancers number, called it to see if it was a 'real number for her ', (it was) and she wanted to go out.



ur ex must be very goodlooking.....;)

mt._hollylove
08-28-2003, 01:01 AM
well im married now,and he treats me like a queen,and will do anything for me.we went to the club a few weeks ago and i saw a old gf and i asked her to give him one,and we had the most funnnnnn,,,,,,,so if you trust him,why not ,let him,have some fun also,,,,,,

Syn
08-28-2003, 06:45 AM
I wouldn't like it at all but I don't have to worry about it because my boyfriend really doesn't like strip clubs, he likes video games! :)

Syn

shedevil4260
08-29-2003, 02:15 PM
I don't know how most of u girls say u don't mind. I would get too jeoulous. Shit if he needs a stripper I'm right here!!!! :D :D :D
Miss Jeolousy,
Shedevil4260

Vegas_DJ
08-30-2003, 02:50 PM
This might very well be the longest post I have ever seen (or written). It’s so long I’m going to have to break it into multiple posts because the server just laughed at me. I know that there has got to be an award for the longest post, ha-ha (but that is not what I’m shooting for….I just have all of these 2 cents laying around and thought I would put them here). If you think about it, this long post is the same as someone posting 10 replies on the same subject, just I’m doing my replies all in one shot.

Normally I don’t have a lot of time on my hands, but I did today and I’m a fast typist, so I thought, “What the hell, right?”
Here are some replies/opinions/answers to the question (and replies), from a guy’s POV (not that that’s better, ladies, just different):

One thing to keep in mind is that I’m writing all of these opinions from the perspective that we are talking about lap dances where the girls have bottoms on. I don’t know of any clubs that allow nude lap dances, but if they do, I can see where that might exacerbate the problem mentioned in the question. Also, if I offer a differing opinion (that may/may not be subtle), this is in no way to imply that I’m saying you or your opinion is stupid or inconsequential…it is your opinion. Having said that, here are mine…



I feel a guy who has a gf should not go to a club=it's not cheating by definition, but it's a shitty thing to do to your gf-I think only single guys should go to clubs

Anabolic –

While I hear what you are saying, if every gf who thought her boyfriend shouldn’t go to a club got her way, then a lot of dancers would be better off pumping gas because, although there are a lot of married guys in the SC’s, a lot of the guys that come in have gf’s. Put another way, every dancer reading this right now, put yourself in the next scenario: Jim Smith comes into your club once a week and gives you $10 for a table dance and he’s been doing this for years….1 table dance a week, from you, for years. If his gf gets her way and he stops going to your club to see you, you’re missing out on $520/year…just from 1 guy, getting 1 dance, once a week. Multiply that by half of the guys who come into your club and you can see that bf’s going to clubs keeps the dancers in business.


If some other girl grinds on his lap and gets him all turned on, then I reap the benefits later... or at least get a good earful :)
So no, lapdances aren't cheating in my book. They are generally good fun and if a relationship is good and the trust is there, it is just an added dimension to your erotic life. We are sensual creatures, after all.
Veronika -
Hear, hear, Girl!



If you try to "control" his actions too much then it will only end up bad.
Very true. It’s the story of the kid and the cookie jar. The parents tell Timmy not to go into the cookie jar, and because it’s taboo and he’s not supposed to do it, what is the first thing he does when his parents leave?…that’s right, hands all in that cookie jar. Think about Sex/Porn/Prostitution/Stripping, etc. They are, for the most part, looked down upon (or stigmatized) by society as “bad” or the person who likes those things as “bad” for wanting them. But you know what, because of the stigma and the “You Can’t / You Shouldn’t” mentality, these industries are alive and well. You can desire something so much because you can’t have it, and as soon as you either get it (or enough of it), or are given the green light to get it and the “Taboo-ness” is gone, it really isn’t all that important anymore.
Curious - If you tell your bf that he is forbidden from getting table dances, or you make a continual fight out of it, then you might wind up driving him directly in that direction by having his young male brain decide, “I’ll show her. She’s not the master of me. I’m going to do what I want to do and she can’t control me.” The other side to that is that if you give him free reign (read: take away the taboo-ness of getting a lap dance) it might not matter to him anymore because he has been given permission (he won’t see it that way, but that is in reality what happened). You yourself said that he hasn’t gone yet. Why not? It seems like this is just something he brings out to get into a fight with you about so that he can bring out the machismo (“You can’t tell me what to do”). Anyway, you’ve got to be prepared (regarding this second scenario of giving him permission) that he might run off like a kid with a handful of tokens at your local amusement park. However, he may wind up broker and wiser for having done so. He’ll realize that no matter how many lap dances he gets, he’s never going to get in the dancer’s panties, and that may leave him wanting more (not necessarily sexually, which it probably will do, but also, everything that comes with a relationship, in addition to just the sex).



I don't mind the fact that he would get aroused by another woman, I know that's how guys are ;) , I'm just more bothered by the "touching" part. When there's touching involved you are sort of having a sexual experience with someone else I think.

Curious - Does this change if you were with him somewhere and a female friend (not ex-gf) came up to him and gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek? There is still physical contact of a sort-or sexual nature.



[quote)I would love to go to a strip club with him, and I would even get lapdances (because I know he likes bi-curious chicks) but the suggestion of that sort of made him angry. He thinks it's "gay" to bring your girlfriend to a strip club, he only wants to go with his buddies.
Curious - This brings up two thoughts for me:
1) He doesn’t want to seem (as others have said, including yourself) “Pussy Whipped”, which is how this would appear to most people. If his friends know you and know that you are secure with him and/or that you may find other women attractive, then your coming along might be like, “Hey, a gf that digs chicks as much as her bf…that’s cool.” and it might actually make him look better in the eyes of his friends. However, if his friends know that you are only going to keep Warden’s watch on him, then you are going to be seen as a Ball and Chain, and they will look down upon your bf, and he will try maintaining his standing in the group by fighting you tooth and nail.
2) The other scenario is that he might not actually mind you coming with he and the guys, but might find it a little awkward to fully enjoy himself during the lap dance if he thinks that you are judging him for wanting this or his friends can feel your anxiety and insecurity about the whole situation…either way the night will be a loss for his friends and he will be called on the carpet for a “Mea Culpa”.. To give you an example of this second scenario, my wife and I have gone to SC’s just about everywhere we go and the first couple of times we went to SC’s I was a little nervous about having her watch another girl writhe on top of me. Aside from also liking the female form and thinking it is heavenly, she had alterior motives. She wanted to see what got me excited (and I don’t mean hard-on, I mean just physiology, what I look at, what my comments are after the dance), so that she could bring that into our relationship and I would have to look for it somewhere else.


Stay tuned for Part 2 coming up next...

Vegas_DJ
08-30-2003, 02:51 PM
PART 2


I'd have to question his reasoning for not wanting you to go with him. Either he is concerned about your anxiety with the whole issue, or he doesn't want you around to 'spoil' his fun, in which case he may not be very trustworthy. If he is only worried about your anxiety, you can assure him that you just want to see what it's like and have a good time too.
See comments in Part 1, and I fully agree with the last sentence…provided that that is your true intention and not to be a Warden/Pouter while you are there. Do that, and I guarantee you’ll never go out with he and his buddies again.


About the touching thing, I personally don't feel it's cheating - a lapdance is really pretty impersonal after all. It is not even close to actual sex
Not even close…


Of course you really can't tell him what to do, but you can tell him what makes you uncomfortable and if he's worth a damn he'll refrain from doing things that make you uncomfortable.
While I agree with this opinion for the most part, I also must say that if he refrains from doing something he really wants to do because it makes you uncomfortable, he might resent you for asking him to change, and you might respect him less as a man (read: masculine energy, not macho) because he changed his life because of a woman. Most women like the kind of guy who knows what he wants and can’t be swayed. If the woman a man is with offers her opinion and he changes his opinion based on this new information, that is fine, it was his decision. But, if a man changes everything he wants to do just because the woman in his life wants it that way, then he isn’t being true to himself and eventually the woman will be like, “This guy is a wimp. I can change this guy’s mind like a light switch…he doesn’t have any cajones because he won’t stick by his own thoughts/beliefs/desires, but rather changes them on a whim to suit my thoughts/beliefs/desires.” Woman say that they want to be able to change men and get them to do what the woman wants, but trust me ladies, if you were able to accomplish this task, you would see these guys like the guys I just described (wusses) and would be dropping them faster than 3rd Period French.
There is a great book that talks about the sexes, roles and sexual polarity called: The Way of the Superior Man” (Wait a minute ladies, before you take that title the wrong way…the book isn’t about men being superior to women, it deals with what makes a man Superior to other males. It’s an interesting read for both genders). Anyway,


I'm with Pamela. One guy I dated recently would get lap dances and it was a cause of many arguments and pretty much ended up being what broke us up. it was not acceptable. It doesn't matter that I am a stripper. it's a job! I don't spend my free time and free money to get a rise out of strange men. I'm so far removed from my customer that all they get is this shell of who I really am. My boyfriend gets the real me and that's sacred. He should feel special to get that and be the only one that gets it. He's the one I want to give selflessly to.
Emily - I understand what you mean when you say that your bf is the one you want to give selflessly to, but going back to you previous statement about only giving the guys in the club the “shell” of who you really are…that’s all he’s seeing at the other clubs when he gets a dance…these other girls are “the real deal” on stage either, so I don’t think that there is anything to worry about.


I would have no problem with it. I hope he would have a great time, spend lots of money, and not act like a lecherous fool.
Treat a bf like this and if he is really into you (commited/in love with, whatever your terminology), chances are the freedom you have given him will make him boomerang back in your direction, because yes, there are plenty of beautiful women out there that he might be interested in,…but, they are not you. Worst case, if he goes crazy with the lap dance thing and it breaks you up because he wasn’t really committed to / in love with you, better to know now than years down the road, right?
A lot of people would rather go on blindly not answering questions they impose on themselves…”What if this situation were to ever arise? (I’ll just sit back and hope that it doesn’t), or “I might be pregnant but don’t want to take the test.” (I’ll just sit back and the answer will be revealed to me eventually)…as opposed to taking the chance, finding out the answer now so that you have more time (either to enjoy the outcome you had desired, or to move on to something better and not kicking yourself in the ass for having wasted all that time). So, having said that, what I tell most of my friends (guys and girls) when they are being wishy-washy about something and sitting back hoping that it will turn out the way they want it to in the future is this: “Don’t grow a wish-bone where your spine should be/I]” This coincides with with one of my other favorite lines, “[I]Time is like a precious coin…can spend it any way you want, but you can only spend it once” If you sit back and wait for an answer to something you could act upon now and get the same answer, you are just wasting your time waiting and hoping…time you will never get back, my friend. Back to the rest of the post….



What I mean is to do my job, I have to objectify men. Maybe I'm alone here, but to do what I'm doing, I can't treat the guys that are customers the same that I treat guys I care about. I do this with animals too....there are some I use (eat) and there are some I love (pets). This is how I can love animals and still eat meat...and also, love men but still have no problem with taking every dollar in a man's wallet. I *have* to look at a customer differently than a boyfriend (or any man I'm close to.)
Anyway, I don't want anyone else looking at him like that. It would ruin my fine distinction between the two groups that is necessary for me to do my job successfully.

Emily - I can see what you are saying about the differentiation, and I like your analogy about meat vs. pets. One thing I was curious about in your comments is your statement about other girls seeing your bf in a poor light. I’m sure that he’s got gf’s in his past that think he’s an asshole (which I’m sure he’s not, but we all know the things we think about our ex’s that make us feel better). Well, I’m sure that he has ex’s out there that think he’s a “loser”, “asshole”, “jerk”, whatever, and that doesn’t seem to bother you…why should a girl on the job just seeing him as an ATM make you feel irked when you know that they are just seeing the “shell” of him and that he comes home and give the real him to you? Once again, I’m not trying to put you on the spot or make you take a position…I’m trying to find out where you are coming from….maybe you will enlighten me, maybe I will enlighten you.


There are lap dances (grinding) and then there are air dances (no physical contact). I would not want my BF to get a lap dance, but I wouldn't mind if he got an air dance. I wouldn't care if he got an air dance from every girl in the club, but I think it would bother me if he got several from one girl.
April - Two trains of thought here:
1) Lap dance vs. Air Dance: true there is touching in one and not in another. However, it won’t stop the guy from thinking what he is going to think, and just because there isn’t any physical contact between the two, doesn’t mean that he isn’t going to be stimulated “down there” (I’m not saying he is/isn’t, I’m just staying that a guy can get a hard-on seeing a girl across the mall….and she’s across the mall….an Air dance isn’t going to prevent that if that is where you were hoping.
2) I can also understand the “Spread the money around the girls, but don’t spend it all on one girl” hopes that you have, but this is just the natural human emotion “Jealousy” (read: fear) that all of us have. The thought process being this, “If he spends his money on a whole bunch of girls then he is interested in seeing a variety of different styles of dance (or body, or ethnicity). However, if he spends all of his money on 1 girl, then there is something that she’s got that he is really attracted to and I could lose him to her if I don’t get what she’s got, and quick.” While the logic makes perfect sense (based on the emotions that all humans experience), chances are he’s never going to get in the stadium, let alone 1st base, and chances are in the 99.99999 percentile that she is so not interested in your bf that you and he could pass her in the mall the next day and she wouldn’t ever recognize him.

Stay tuned for Part 3...

Vegas_DJ
08-30-2003, 02:54 PM
PART 3

Put another way, think of dancers like movie stars or somebody really famous. Because they are famous for the characters they play, they are sexually desirable and therefore have sex offered to them all the time (I’m sure to the point of, “God, I wish people would stop asking me for sex, cause it ain’t gonna happen.”)
Say you, April, love Brad Pitt (or sub whomever you find luscious). Many women would agree that they’ve said that if they could have 1 night with Brad Pitt (or whomever) that they would take the chance and step out on their SO. Say you got to meet Brad Pitt and you’re thinking I would do/say anything in this moment to go home with him right now for one great night of passion. Chances are extremely high that he wouldn’t give you a second thought, not because you are not beautiful, because I’m sure you are or you wouldn’t be in this business, but because he has, to put it bluntly, pussy offered to him all the time and it just doesn’t appeal to him in the “get all you can get, take everything that is offered to you” sense. Turn the tables, your bf has got it bad for Carmen Electra (or whomever), if he met her in person and were thinking that he’d do anything for just one night with her, she wouldn’t even consider it. Once again, she’s been offered dick more times than a urologist, and it just doesn’t interest her in the “get all you can get, take everything that is offered to you” way. Now, put your bf in a strip club with a hot dancer who has also heard every proposition under the sun. Chances are that even on the very off chance that your bf is thinking, “OMG, I would totally step out on my gf with this dancer”, that she won’t give him the time of day. She is there to make money, not guys. Hope that helps.



I totally disagree with those who say that they wouldn't keep a boyfriend who gets lap dances...if EVERY woman had that attitude, all the attached guys wouldn't be able to come out and get dances from us, and the clubs would be filled with single guys, many of which could very well be looking for a girlfriend. That would be my definition of HELL.
Absolutely.



I had a bf who told me once that I was the first girl he was with who made him feel he could totally be himself with me - he could mention or check out a cute girl walking by and chances were either I was also checking her out or at least agreed she was cute. He could go out with his friends and have a good time without worrying whether he had to hide what he was doing, and he could come home and tell me all about it and we'd laugh together.
This is totally the truth if you are in a relationship built on trust. See my previous comments about my wife and I going to SC’s and her buying lap dances for me, and I buying them for her….Yummy.


If he had a regular girl that he liked to see and get dances from on a regular basis, that would not bother me either. I know he loves me. I think every human being likes variety in one form or another when it comes to the opposite sex, and in my opinion, dances are such an innocent way of enjoying that. Hell I'd love to meet her and watch her dance for him from afar! I TRUST him and I LOVE him and he only loves ME.
Kennedy - First, I love the attitude you have about this. Secondly, I like the fact that you want to watch because my guess is that you remember some of the moves and were like, “Whatever she can do, I can do better…at home….let’s go mister”.


My problem is why is it "just a job" when the female is dancing and you expect the guys to be 100% supportive, not question it or have any jealousy issues
BUT if your guy wants to go out and get a simple lap dance you'd "leave his ass" in a second? Why can't it be "Just an innocent fun time" for the guy? This is HIGHLY hypocritical.
Agreed. See my opinion a little higher up about, if your suspicions are correct, isn’t it better to find out now and move on rather than waste your time “hoping that they aren’t.


Please understand, I am NOT one of those guys who frequents strip clubs,
Let me go on record as saying that I AM one of those guys who frequents SC’s, but for a couple of different reasons. If I’m with my wife, well that is obvious, we’re out for a good time together. If I’m by myself, it isn’t to get lap dances, much as that miffs the dancers in the club. I go (and I think Djoser does for the same reason(s), and if I’m wrong Djoser please let me know and I’ll apologize) to check out what music the DJ is playing (anything new I haven’t heard?), catchy phrases s/he says on the mic, different costumes/routines. Sometimes if I see a girl I really like (in terms of her dancing capabilities) I’ll see if she dances anywhere else and if she does ask if she would like to come audition for the club I work at. And let me also state this, based on my professionalism, demeanor, diction and style of dress, the girls are made abundantly clear, very quickly that I’m interested in them for a Vertical audition, not a horizontal audition.


I am not worried about my guy being in a strip club. I wouldn't mind if a girl wanted to rub her body on him for free (as long as she included me!) I just don't want him buying lap dances. I'd feel equally annoyed if he was tipping big bills for conversation.
Emily - Does this bother you because you are taking on a sexual job to earn money that he is turning around and spending on another women who is being sexy? Or is it that the money isn’t being spent on you? Or, is it that he might get all aroused 1) by another woman, and 2) that you weren’t part of the arousal process, nor pleased by her?
Again, I’m not pointing fingers or trying to put you on the spot, I just want to find out your reasoning and maybe learn something (or a different perspective).

[quote]It's NOT hypocritical to expect that your man does not get lap dances unless you (as a dancer) derive sexual pleasure from giving lap dances.
Emily - While I sympathize with where you are coming from with this, most situations/transactions have one side the feels like they got the short end of the stick. Unfortunately, I have yet to hear two people/sides say that they got every thing they wanted out of the deal. While it sucks that you (nor most if not all dancers) don’t derive pleasure from lap dances, that shouldn’t have any bearing on whether your bf enjoys a lap dance from somebody else, especially if you guys are both bringing your own money home. If he’s spending your money that you worked hard for, then I totally see where you are coming from and he shouldn’t do that (it’s almost like soft-pimpin’ on his part if he does).

Stay tuned for Part 4 (the last post as I'm getting tired)

Vegas_DJ
08-30-2003, 02:57 PM
PART 4 (finally)



The only thing that bothers me about him getting lapdances is that he's actually having physical contact with another girl and they are grinding his "package" and that bothers me a bit. I hope he doesn't have an orgasm from someone grinding him, does that happen frequently?? I read on this board that some guys even put condoms on before dances, I told my bf and even he thought that was "too much".
Curious - From a guy’s point of view, I have only heard (not seen) 1 occasion of a guy “losing it” (in that capacity). Our Penthouse Girl went over and give this elderly gentleman a lap dance and, well, let’s say that his age let him down in terms of self control. As for the condom thing, this is the first I’ve heard of that and don’t think that that is very frequent either.


I did ask him if he can just get an "air dance" instead of a lap dance with grinding, and I think it pissed him off. He thinks that it’s more of a control issue and that I want him to be "pussy whipped"
To a guy it might come off feeling this way…like you are trying to control him. Like I said before, using a different analogy, if you think that your man should only like the ice cream flavor that you have at home, and make him feel bad about himself for the natural human behavior of liking variety (even if he never orders another flavor, just likes the fact that there are different flavors out there), then the pressure might drive him to find every Baskin Robins in your city. If you let him make up his own mind, he might come to the conclusion (even without sampling another flavor) that ice cream never tastes so good as the one he’s got at home.


I can't nitpick and nag constantly because it will drive him away, I guess I have to compromise and trust him to just get a dance and not cheat, because if I can't trust him then I probably shouldn't be with him.
The freedom you give him will work out in your favor. As I said previously, he will realize what he has at home and won’t stray, or he will stray and you’ll be moving on sooner rather than later….either way, you win.


But I still think girls go to a strip club with a different intention than guys do; girls mainly just wanna have a good time, while I tend to think guys just wanna get off, so the intention is different.
While the this statement is primarily true, there are plenty of Male Strippers (ChadW, any opinions on this) that will tell you that you get 100 ladies cutting loose with some naked guys and girls are grabbing their tool, pinching, spanking…stuff that if the roles were reversed would get a guy a broken face and a date with the parking lot pavement.
Guys do go to SC’s to be aroused, but I don’t think that a majority of them actually think that they are going to sleep with the girl.
Also, given the fact that guys are seen as always up for sex, I’ve heard Male Strippers say that they are constantly propositioned to fool around after the show….so hooking up with the stripper isn’t just a thing guys go to clubs for.


I did ask my bf if he would mind if I become a stripper though,
If you are doing this for the sole purpose of keeping this guy in your life and interested in you and not some other stripper, you are wasting your time. Just my opinion, but other dancers are more than encouraged to chime in with their thoughts on what I just said.


i see no problem in my bf getting a dance. he's not much of a dance guy as it is, but when he comes into the club, i'll even buy him a dance or two.
i think it's silly to deny the fact that my bf will find other women attractive - we are all human and as long as he's respective it's cool. usually i'm the one he's buying dances for if we go to a club though - and of course he's got no problemo with that!

Like I said, give him free reign and if he’s the kind of guy you think he is, he’ll boomerang right back to you.


The question is: what attracted your bf to you in the first place? If you got him simply because you are a hottie and you know that you can get his juices flowing then you'd fully know that others are just as capable in that manner. Also if looks are your primary basis for the relationship they will always be chasing that feature long after you have lost yours.
Totally agree. If you’re relationship is based totally on beauty (or sex) and has nothing else backing it up, you are riding hard for a fall. It’s like a young hottie (no brains, no other real contribution to the relationship aside from looking good on a guy’s arm and giving up the sex) marrying a guy, then years down the road he’s trading in his 40 year old wife for 2-20’s. Suck as it does, that’s what happens when the relationship is started on off on a shaky foundation and never shored up thereafter.


I also understand that the girls in the club ARE NOT LOOKING TO STEAL MY GUY for crying out loud. They want his cash and "NEXT!" is the only thing on their mind.
Absolutely true. I’m sure that dancers think this in one incantation or another when they see a guy at their club:
“No matter how good looking he is, there is a woman out there who is tired of putting up with his shit.”

The last thing that most dancers need in their lives is a guy screwing it up (or so I’ve been told), especially a guy she meets at the club. Besides, dancers tend to see guys like Lotto scratchers…”I could walk up and not get a dance out of this guy, or he could throw crazy cash at me…it’s a crap shoot, but the odds are in my favor”. You don’t find a lot of non-gamblers in a casino, and you don’t find a lot of stiffs in a SC….true they may not be getting dances from you, but they are from the other dancers, and the ones that other girls think are stiff because they aren’t getting dances from them, are getting their dances from you. If a guy is in the club, chances are better than not that he’s there for some dances…. scratch away, ladies.


I wouldn't like it at all but I don't have to worry about it because my boyfriend really doesn't like strip clubs, he likes video games! :)


Syn – Just make sure that he puts down his joystick and takes the time to play with your 3-button console every once in a while (ha-ha).


This is VDJ, signing off from Planet "Have You Lost Your Mind?!"

PTsprincess
09-22-2003, 12:46 PM
I would have ah huge problem with my b/f getting a dance. I really have a problem with him going to any clubs my man is extremly HOT and those some girls are backstabbing...

Kobi
09-22-2003, 01:33 PM
I would have a problem with my fiance getting a lap dance. When I give lap dances its a part of my job, it is not for enjoyment. If he is going to get turned on by somebody touching him, it is going to be me.

This is not an issue with us because he is not into stripclubs. He has only been with me except for one bachelor party before we knew each other (not his). We have been a few times together, always with other friends. One night he watched me get lap dances and he loved it. I'm the only person who has ever given him a lap dance and I think that is cool. Besides, I give him the "special" LD's that nobody else gets from me.

KittenCaboodle
08-03-2005, 09:32 AM
OKAY.....I must be VERY 2 faced because. I went INSANE when I found out my BF went to some other club (with his friends) & payed some random dancer WITH A FLAT CHEST!!!....

(If you dont mind, I myself have GREAT DD boobies)

.....$50 for a lapdance. He could of used the money to pay his rent or take me out! Ok I must confess that $100 at my club is a little too steep. But my man has me for free every night. Aint THAT enough??? >:(

pet_rock
08-03-2005, 01:26 PM
But my man has me for free every night. Aint THAT enough??? >:(

Actually, do you give him lap dances at home or just have sex?

What I LOVE about dancers is that even though my ATF may be complaining about being bloated on her period, and while she clearly would rather be home schlumping around in her 'period' pajamas, when she is at the club she gets all made up and puts her game face on and puts out that fantasy and dances her ass off! If I had her at home on one of those days, what would I get? :-[

So you probably ARE different at home than in the club, and you may have lost the fantasy for him...The fact that he chose a completely different body-type may or may not mean anything--she just struck him in a different way than you do.


$50 for a lapdance. He could of used the money to pay his rent or take me out!
I think he probably SHOULD have used the money to take you out since it sounds like you may be in a rut in your relationship...

ga peach
08-03-2005, 08:15 PM
i do not have a problem with it my husband can go in one i tell you the truth so many women dont want thier man going in a stripclub but they have no problem with them in a bar they are more likely to get laid in a bar most dancers are in relationships with bf or gfs i have bought my husband lap dances it doesnt bother me you have to have trust or else your relationship wont last ;)

KittenCaboodle
09-07-2005, 01:23 AM
Pet Rock,

B4 you point the finger at another persons relationship & give your own nasty lil $2.99 analysis. I'd like to set the record straight that at work, at home wearing clothes or nothing at all I'm ALWAYS very very sexy. Its something I've always prided myself on (before stripping I was a swimsuit & lingerie model for 8 years).

I do more then "have sex" with my man. I make sure I forfill his every fantasy no matter how ridiculous (aka 'Heidy' the swedish peasant girl.........Haha!) & he forfills mine. I also practice my club moves on him to see what works & what doesnt (He tell me this his favourite past time & I value his input).

He puts his "lapdance experience" down to too much beer & jeering from his married friends (who were on to their 3rd & 4th dances). I dont mind my baby going to clubs, but the fact that he payed another woman too sit & dance all over him made my blood boil :mad: .After he confessed he told me that if it were the other way around he'd be very hurt too. Since then we made up moved in together & got married :hug: & yes were very happy!

PS: No, my club doesnt do lapdancers :no:

WebWolfAlpha
09-09-2005, 07:49 AM
In my very non-scorpio Scorpio way, I have no problem with it. He went to another club while I was working and was showing some out of town friends around and my words for him when we met up later that night were, "you all tipped everyone well, right?".

I think that I personally would have to think about getting out of the business if something like that bothered me. Besides, we are very communicative and I can learn new tricks from what he relays back ;). How's that for continuing education? ! ?

Yep, spoken like a true profesional.

Xiomara
09-17-2005, 10:05 AM
I don't think it's cheating but Im psycho when it comes to jealousy. Even though I really really really want to dance...my guy says he'll leave if I work at a club. BUT why is it ok for him to go to the club? I would burn the club down if he got a lapdance.That's if he's crazy enough to go to one. Im crazy (Don't worry girls, he's not a big spendeer anyways, your not missing much. haha) LOL

Yekhefah
09-17-2005, 11:35 AM
I think it's hot. But then I like to watch my guy fuck other women, too.

And yet I get insanely jealous over this other girl who lives on the other side of the country and who he hasn't seen in two years (they talk on the phone a lot). Go figure. I don't need sexual monogamy but emotional monogamy means a lot to me. I want to be the only one he's genuinely intimate with.

Natalia108
09-19-2005, 04:52 AM
if its all in the name of fun i wouldnt really be bothered by it..

god how do you think deep down he would really feel about me dancing for other men? im sure that 7 out of 10 guys/ boyfriends aint as fine with their girl dancing as they say they are..

Vixen608
09-20-2005, 07:44 PM
Me and my BF went to VIP's and he got a lap dance actually we both did! It didnt bother me the way I thought it would. I am not sure how though I would feel if he went with out me. But when I am there It doesn't bother me at all! :)