View Full Version : Domestic Violence..... I'm not taking it anymore
Dreamer
03-23-2004, 12:03 PM
My experience:
Bridge, I couldn't help but to read over your article. In it you mentioned that you had ill feelings towards your father partially because of the intervention of your wicked step mother and also because he seemingly overlooked her abuses of you.
What about all those households where the mother is married to an abusive father yet remains ignorant or complacent with his abuses. Does anyone see the mother as being responsible for the mistreatment of the offspring? Why is it that the woman remains with or even stands on the side of the father for such a duration? Why is it that she never intervenes upon the discovery of such activities taken place?
So here is a question that has been eatting away at me for a long time. How come when there is an abusive household where there is even the slightest involvement of a male- husband , boyfriend, date and the woman remains complacent , do they always try to dump the entire responsibility on the male and the woman is totally absolved (who shares in the responsibility) from any wrong doing whatsoever?
How about anybody helping me with this question? ;D
Katrine
03-23-2004, 03:11 PM
Please provide some empirical evidence of this happening all the time Dreamer? Children get taken away from both parents all the time when one is abusive and the other does not stop them. Many of the women in prison have been convicted with child abuse/neglect, often due to a drug problem. On either side of the family institution, not enough abusers are being punished for their actions....
Who are these people you speak of trying to absolve women of their responsibilities? Point is, you are not really providing a valid alternative view or any solutions. Your personal animosity towards women is glaringly apparent in your posts......
I appologize if simply pointing out your blatantly obvious attempts to annoy, frustrate or otherwise belittle women at ever beck and call
Exactly !!!!!!
I'll eagerly await your dissertation on how the victims of 9/11 were totally stupid for ever working in a high-rise building in New York. Good day.
w/ all that i've read from dreamer I have no doubt he'll come up w/ some reason ::) he seems to regularly blame the victim and make excuses for attackers. >:(
Your personal animosity towards women is glaringly apparent in your posts......
i couldn't agree more Katrine. When he PM-ed earlier this week trying to start an arguement w/ me about a comment i left on the blue site ,I pretty much told him the same thing.
I kinda wonder why he hasn't been banned ??? considering how many people on both these websites have problems w/ him
slick_stephy
03-23-2004, 06:51 PM
WOW!!! when i first started dancing this was one of the things i noticed that many dancers have in common...sad but true, by helping the girls i also helped myself
Dreamer
03-24-2004, 11:50 AM
I appologize if simply pointing out your blatantly obvious attempts to annoy, frustrate or otherwise belittle women at ever beck and call you somehow find offensive. Halting the process would likely spare yourself the grief of having it pointed out to you in retort.
My advice was to victims of crimes that you blatantly, obviously ignored when you overlooked my article to Isis. If anyone belittles women it is you who think that they are so dumb as to not realized the consequence of their actions.
Ya' totally lost me here, bucko. Can you quote me back or otherwise point out where I said you have to defend anything? On the contrary, I pretty clearly stated (and to TiNi, not to you):
>>"You don't have to defend your choices or the circumstances leading to abuse."<<
Okay bucko, let me see if I can put it in a way you can comprehend. You said to Tini that she needs not defend her choice that lead to her abuse. So if I step off the curb in front of a speeding Mac truck, I don't need to defend the circumstances that lead to the forthcoming disaster?
Is that something that you woukld expect from me?
Not sure where your reading comprehension skills made the disconnect... I thought that was pretty clear. Carry on.
Not sure where yours did either so carry on.
I'm with you here.. but I fail to see how this applies to this case.
Pole, she left her children in the custody of a KNOWN abuser. Is this what you would call succeeding at your primary parental responsibility of steering your children out of harm's way?
Did you mean complacency? Because if you did, I'm again baffled how a mother trying to find someone to watch her children, and asking for a ride to an audition can even be hinting at complacency. This guy was a freaking nut-job and she was obviously unaware of what he was capable of.
Pole, this was the guy who is the father of her children!!!
Don't you get to know the person before you consumate the act????? It was KNOWN to her that he was an abuser before the incident!!
We take risks every day of our lives- when we drink a cup of coffee and eat bacon for breakfast, when we hop in our cars and drive to work, when we book a vacation in Tahiti, etc.etc. It's absolutely moronic to put all blame and circumstances on an individual.
Seems like the atmosphere here is to place none of the blame on the individual. We are not talking about a cup of coffee here. We are talking about the welfare of two human beings.
I'm all for accountability for one's actions... but do you honestly see this example as being a case of parental negligence or complacency by allowing her ex/father of her children offer a ride to an audition?
Gosh darn, if I hire a babysitter to watch over my kids, who is primarily responsible for their well being? The sitter? Heck no, it's MY job to drag that sitter through a fine toothed comb to determine any improprieties. If I'm wrong about the sitter then it's MY fault.
I'll eagerly await your dissertation on how the victims of 9/11 were totally stupid for ever working in a high-rise building in New York. Good day.
How many of them had children with the terrorists? Have a nice day yourself. ;D ;D
Dreamer
03-24-2004, 12:15 PM
I appologize if simply pointing out your blatantly obvious attempts to annoy, frustrate or otherwise belittle women at ever beck and call
Exactly !!!!!!
Obviously you didn't read the article "What do you think of this" by Lexi.
w/ all that i've read from dreamer I have no doubt he'll come up w/ some reason ::) he seems to regularly blame the victim and make excuses for attackers. >:(
I induce people to take the responsibility for the consequences of their actions, nothing more.
Your personal animosity towards women is glaringly apparent in your posts......
Katrine, your personal animousity towards men and anyone who disagrees with you is glaringly apparent in you posts.
i couldn't agree more Katrine. When he PM-ed earlier this week trying to start an arguement w/ me about a comment i left on the blue site ,I pretty much told him the same thing.
Isis, YOU wrote in the article to PM you if I had any further discussion. I took you up on your offer. I , like you , want you to agree with my own point. It's because you won't tolerate opinions other than your own, remember you refused to provide any evidence or proof of your claim, is why you consider anyone with a differing opinion arguementative.
All you said is that you didn't like my perspective on women. Guess what? I don't like your perspective on men.
I kinda wonder why he hasn't been banned ??? considering how many people on both these websites have problems w/ him
That's because despite all your attempts Pryce and Chuck have found nothing wrong with my actions. Of all the times I've reported examples of your flamings to the moderators, I can't see why you and others haven't been banned. ;D ;D ;D
Dreamer
03-24-2004, 01:02 PM
Being that he is the father of your kids didn't you know him better? I'm sorry for your incident but it showed no sound judgement on your part. Now not only do you have to put up with him (restraining orders) but your twins are tied to him for life.
Dreamer is obviously an abuser himself, or he would never take this stance. I hate this guy. He only tries to make the victim feel worse. Abuser!!!!!!!!! Wife-beater!!!!!!!! Loser!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How about putting your money where your mouth is. Prove it you gutless, spineless weasel!!!! Otherwise risk the prospects of being exposed as the liar you are!! ;D ;D
Dreamer
03-24-2004, 01:05 PM
Being that he is the father of your kids didn't you know him better? I'm sorry for your incident but it showed no sound judgement on your part. Now not only do you have to put up with him (restraining orders) but your twins are tied to him for life.
Dreamer is obviously an abuser himself, or he would never take this stance. I hate this guy. He only tries to make the victim feel worse. Abuser!!!!!!!!! Wife-beater!!!!!!!! Loser!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why don't you put your money where your mouth is? PROVE IT you gutless , spineless weasel!!! Otherwise risk the prospects of being exposed as the liar you are! ;D ;D
Dreamer
03-24-2004, 01:16 PM
Dreamer sounds like the kind of immature male I like to take out behind the wood shed and administer some good ole southern justice to.
http://www.smiliemania.de/smilie.php?smile_ID=103
SD
My Gosh Sugar, you resort to physical violence over differences of opinion?????? You call yourself mature?????
You sound like Tini's abusive children's father!!!!!!
Dreamer
03-24-2004, 01:34 PM
Please provide some empirical evidence of this happening all the time Dreamer? Children get taken away from both parents all the time when one is abusive and the other does not stop them. Many of the women in prison have been convicted with child abuse/neglect, often due to a drug problem. On either side of the family institution, not enough abusers are being punished for their actions....
I'm not saying that it happens all the time but it does happen on a regular basis. Let me give you an example. I've dated this stripper who was the love child of an out-of-wedlock union. She said she was a Catholic but when I asked her did she abstain from sex she said, "I'm a new Catholic". She was a misantrophist. Her mother was the "other" woman in an affair. So much for the "solidarity amongst women" arguement. I asked her why she had such animousity against her father when it was her mother (whom she identifies with) who was the homewrecker. She said that the father told the mom that he would take care of her, etc. standard infidelity claims.
Well what about her mother who was trying to steel him away from his legal wife? What about "Thou shalt not commit adultery?"
Apparently those did not apply to women in her case. ;D ;D
It's because you won't tolerate opinions other than your own, remember you refused to provide any evidence or proof of your claim
That's because despite all your attempts Pryce and Chuck have found nothing wrong with my actions. Of all the times I've reported examples of your flamings to the moderators, I can't see why you and others haven't been banned. ;D ;D ;D
HUH? :shrug: what claim? what attemps? man i think u have lost it :loco:
Isis, YOU wrote in the article to PM you if I had any further discussion. I took you up on your offer.
UHM JUST WHERE DID I INVITE U TO PM ME ? :no:
I tried to be really polite but clear when I replied to that pm that I didnt like u .... But now after the lies u just
wrote I think I should have used some much stronger language to express 2 u what I think of u
Dreamer
03-24-2004, 01:58 PM
On either side of the family institution, not enough abusers are being punished for their actions....
Yes, well not in all cases is it that easy to prove.
Who are these people you speak of trying to absolve women of their responsibilities? Point is, you are not really providing a valid alternative view or any solutions. Your personal animosity towards women is glaringly apparent in your posts......
Take a jaunt over to the article "I hate men", an inflamatory article although nobody calls it so. In all the responses no one would say that are mens actions independent from the pressures of society and the upbringing of the family in which women play an integral part?
Do the words ,"Is that they way your mother taught you to act" have any significance? Some men were raised by women alone but do they stand accountable for mens' actions? No body there seemed to think so. It's like men abide by their own rules and are totally independent of the society and family surroundings they occupy. Yet if their is an aberant behavior displayed by men , no one will blame a woman for their actions.
Here's another example. A woman on Maurey Povich gets the DNA results back from a man she claims father her children. It is negative. Of course the guy is relieved but does anyone condemn the woman of false accusations. Heck no. Is there any apology to the man. Heck no.
A valid alternative view is what you are supposed to provide if you have one.
I can answer the same to you about your glaring negative perspective on men as well.
Let me say this. Most of my friends are women. I am very involved in activities that are female dominated. I respect all of them as they all respect me. The only time I encounter hostile female attacks are when I come over here mainly. ;D ;D
polecat
03-24-2004, 02:05 PM
But now after the lies u just wrote I think I should have used some much stronger language to express 2 u what I think of u
Nah, that's what he's hoping for.. it's the obvious pursuit of a fanatical button pusher. :loco:
I'm still laughing at his replies here- I'm not sure who he was replying to, but it surely wasn't me! I made it pretty clear I was pointing out his comments towards victims/cases of abuse, but I somehow blatantly ignored his comments were towards victims/cases of abuse? LOL
I thought the PeeWee Herman School of Debate(tm) was passe. His plugging ears and going "BLAAAAH! I DON'T HEAR YOU!".. then replying with complete works of fiction is comedy though. ;D
It's nearly as transparent as trying to hide behind a "self-accountibility" front when all that it envelopes is pointing to women as having bad judgement, being morons, and unable to make decisions. LOL. Yah, that's definately the sign of someone "reaching out" to try and improve other's confidence and self-esteem. BHAHAHA
:loco: :loco: :loco:
erotictonic
03-24-2004, 04:04 PM
OK, let me get this straight Dreamer. You believe that if an abusive situation such as this occurs, it is the fault of the victim because they should've known better. Am I correct? I believe that Tini already knows now that she made a mistake by trusting this man, as did I. You would be surprised at the conniving, manipulative techniques an artist uses in order to instill trust in the victim. I trusted and believed that my bf would not do it again everytime. You need to educate yourself on the methods. The cycle of domestic violence is all over the internet... check out what the experts say, Dreamer. It's brainwashing.... plain and simple. Victims don't think clearly in situations where they are under the control of their abuser. That is why it is not their responsibility, and why the courts understand that it's not. It's not their fault that they were naive and trusting, and being brainwashed by a con artist. It happens everyday, but people like Tini and I finally "get it" and that's when we take back control and become empowered. What Tini needs now is comfort and support in her time of healing. When she heals, she will be a new woman, and will not make the same mistakes again. It's too bad that there are men like this out there preying on the innocent, but it happens all too often. And the last thing she needs right now is someone rubbing salt in her wounds. So fu** off.
Farrah_Holiday
03-24-2004, 04:58 PM
Dreamer,
You remind me of those slick talking,word twisting abusive guys that victimize these ladies !
Farrah
Katrine
03-24-2004, 05:53 PM
Dreamer,
I do think the "I Hate Men" thread was inflammatory, mostly because many of the posters are hurt, trying to heal, and other posters put salt on their wounds. Its a message board, people can vent, there is no educational requirement to be on here.....
Regarding the Maury/DNA shows, I've seen them and it seems that these women honestly believe, or want to believe that the men are the baby daddy. When its not true, the women are booed and humiliated by the audience. That was an extremely poor analogy.....
ReflectedVoid
09-16-2006, 06:40 AM
one of my best friends that i've known since diaper days has been in an abusive relationship for many years. she is completely cowed by him and places all the blame of his actions on herself. she became a mere shadow of the girl i used to know. although i tried everything to convince her to get out of her situation, she wouldn't and couldn't even understand why she should. i finally had to stop my friendship with her as it made me sick to see what was happening to her and be able to do nothing to help. i still worry about her and keep in touch with what's happening to her through mutual friends, but she's still with him and still having to wear sunglasses and long sleeved shirts to hide her bruises. one of these days, he'll probably kill her. i hate it that i'm not able to do anything more for her, but i've long since tried everything. i just hope that some day soon she'll realize what she needs to do before it's too late.
there's no excuse for abusive of any kind, either physical or mental. those kinds of people do not deserve the privilage of your company and you'd be far better off by yourself.
Thats no good but it sounds like a typical situation of that kind. Its kinda beyond her control unless she takes control which wouldnt be easy at that point, but cant you call the cops or her family or something? Shes not in control anymore, not herself. I dont think you can convince her if she isnt ready to face it so you need to go over her head before its too late. Or just find some large men to talk to him and tell him to either get into anger management/counciling or you'll take it further.