View Full Version : Pregnant...?

08-04-2003, 07:08 PM
I really did it this time. My period is over a week late, and I have symptoms and reason to believe that I am pregnant. The "father" is the definition of bad relationship. We knew it could be possible that I was pregnant, and he told me that if I decided to keep the baby he would disapear, and hit delete on his e mails. He is planning on moving next week far away. He hit me once and Im stupid and kept sleeping with him. .There is no excuse I know. Its a terrible cycle and it doesn't stop. He lies, he plays games...and it keeps getting worse and worse. My hormones are crazy lately....I have not taken a test yet because I am sooo scared of how he will respond to this if its confirmed.....because I see the way he is acting when we dont know anything definitely...I wanted to be prepared for how we would handle it - but he plays phone games ..... Plus the added problem of not having any health insurance. I can't work anymore cause I feel so wierd working...my body just feels different....I know you are all going to say that i should go take a test. (im going to take one tomorrow) ....I wanted to talk to him before I take the test to make sure that hed be supportive....but he is so mean and apathetic. He really acts like he doesnt care about me at all. so if the test comes back positive...would it be so wrong to handle this on my own?? and not even tell him or talk to him? I just seriously can not have this person in my life. and i do not see how his coming with me if i do decide to get an abortion is going to be help.does he have to know??? i already know how he will act if i am pregnant, and i dont think i can handle that. he hasnt hit me since that time by the way, and he always was an asshole throughout the whole relationship (not just because of pregnancy)

08-04-2003, 07:12 PM
SOmething I wanted to add is about keeping the baby. I left him a message saying that i dont know if i want to have an abortion and he called me back with "then have a nice life"

08-04-2003, 07:32 PM
I hope everything is okay. This is obviously a tough decision, but I hope that whatever you decide, that you do not factor his feelings or opinions into it.

08-05-2003, 12:16 AM
Germany, I don't know where you are, but it seems that you might be in Germany? I don't know what the law is there, but if you were in the USA, you can have an abortion, no questions, through the first three months. (Assuming you are over 18.) After that, things get complicated on the abortion issue. Abortions suck, but sometimes they are the only answer. BTDT, don't want to relive that again.

If you are in the US and decide to keep the baby, the law is there to help. You can force him to take a DNA test to prove his paternity. Then, the law will obligate him to pay child support. If he fails to pay, the law will ultimately put him in jail. It won't make him a better parent, but the law will force him to pay.

08-05-2003, 02:14 AM
Also a good reason to find out for sure now is that in the US at least if you are only a week late, you're early enough along to have a medical, not a surgical abortion. You insert pills into your vagina under a gyno's supervision, go home, insert another pill the next day, take some ibuprofen and your body will abort in the comfort of your home. It is way less taxing to your system, although not less expensive.

Also, assuming you are a dancer and you do want to go ahead and have the baby, take into account that you will not be able to work once you start to show (and with first trimester yuckiness you might not be able to even before that.) If the father is going to be an issue, consider whether you will be able to a) support yourself comfortably during and right after the pregnancy when you can't work and b) whether you even want to tie your life to a stress monger like it sounds like he is with a baby! I have seen a lot of dancers go through with pregnancies in this sort of situation and in my view it is best to wait until your life is such that having your baby is the kind of cool and special experience it should be without financial stresses and troublesome fathers.

Either way, the very best of luck and good thoughts to you at a stressful time.

08-05-2003, 03:56 AM
The father has an obligation to his child even in Germany. If it is his child and you can prove it, then there will be no leaving the state for him!

Seiously, people are held in Germany and in the United States all the time because they don't pay child support. You don't have to stay with him, but he is obliged to pay his share of expenses.

As for your emotions.....yes I know it's trying . I've been there too. I've never carried a baby to full term, but I fully inteneded to. I hope you have a really good support system with your friends/family. Stress can Wreak havoc on the fetus, especially during the first 12 weeks. Breathe. There is alot for you to really think on now.......

Juliette de Sade

08-05-2003, 06:45 AM
If you do decide to keep this child he can force visitation. What kind of mother will you be if you allow such a bad guy to be part of your child's life? The law forces him to pay child support, but it can also force you to allow him unsupervised visits (especially if you never pressed charges against him for abuse).

08-05-2003, 07:08 AM
What if he leaves the country?

08-05-2003, 07:29 AM
I know that if I keep the baby he will obviously have to know. Im not sure how I could force him to pay child support if he leaves the country. I agree with what someone said about what kind of mother I would be to let him be the father....Is the procedure painful that you mentioned? (the non surgical) would I have to be out of work for a long time? Ive already been so depressed about this that I havent worked in a long time. Have any of you been through simialr experiences? If I know that it will hurt me to tell him, and I am going to abort, I dont see why he has to know that I was ever pregnant. Im always trying to do the right thing. I dont think its right tonot tell a father...for sure its his business...but with the way he acts to me i think its better for me to just be done with him and put this behind me. When Im upset he makes me more upset. when i feel ok he makes me upset.

08-05-2003, 07:36 AM
how long do i have to decide about the non surgical procedure?

08-05-2003, 08:21 AM
you can get a non surgical abortion up to eight weeks. i would highly recommend that you have it done before four weeks if you are pregnant, unless you wont mind seeing the embryo. it is very hard. i thought i was pregnant a couple of months ago, and it tore me up working. i was feeling the same way as you. BUT.....listen to this, i was sure i was pregnant that whole time. and then when i decided to finally get a test, i started directly after i took it. it could be stress that is making you late. i would get a test before you start tearing yourself up about it. and if you are pregnant hun, do your research on the methods of abortion, the non surgical procedure is not as simple and painless as it seems. good luck to you, and i hope everything goes well for you.

08-05-2003, 10:07 AM
The non-surgical method is most definitely not as painless as it seems.

I had been worried that I was pregnant for a while, but had put off taking a test because I was so stressed about what I would do. After finding out that I was for certain, though, I had started bleeding and my gyno had determined that I was miscarrying (I was only about seven or eight weeks along). My doctor recommended that I take those same pills and prescribed me them - mifepristone. Evidently, they're taken not only for medical abortion, but also can be used to speed along the process of miscarraige - which, otherwise, in my case, would have probably not completed for another week (I had already been bleeding for one week). I was already in almost unbearable pain as it was, but it got even worse. It basically causes your uterus to go into labor mode and it aborts the body through contractions as it would in the birth process. You are able to go home and do it in the privacy of your own home. You insert two pills inside yourself and the contractions are then supposed to start within 12 hrs. My doctor prescribed me severe pain medication to help with it for the first two days and then prescribed extra strength ibuprofen for the week after. I only took medication for the first few days. I'd say you could probably return to work after 3 or 4 days. My doc, for example, recommended taking the pills on a Friday afternoon and staying in bed most of the weekend to rest up and probably be okay (for light work) by Monday.

I think it's up to your tenth (but it could be eighth) week that you can have a medical abortion, but that's the number of weeks since your last period. So if you're a week late, you're already in your fifth week. I'm not advocating you choose abortion at all, but be sure to go over every possibility before making a decision. If you have any more questions about that procedure, though, I'll be happy to answer as best I can. Good luck in whatever you decide.

08-05-2003, 11:43 AM
I believe that the non surgical abortion is equivillant to severe menstrual cramping. (yup just like the first stages of labor)
Ive never had a non surgical abortion, but have had those kind of cramps before, it is not easy. On the other hand.......nothing you cant deal with, and the pain goes away.

Good luck

08-05-2003, 12:22 PM
It was actually much worse than severe menstrual cramping. For example, that was how I had felt at first (when I began to miscarry), but after taking those pills it gets much worse. I've had severe cramping before and this was definitely much worse. Not trying to discourage you, but I just want you to be prepared. My doctor actually had to take them before for the same reason that I had and the way she had explained the pain to me - "the most severe cramps you could have ever possible experienced.... multiply that by about 100." :-/

08-05-2003, 01:02 PM
Surgical abortion isn't painful. Emotionally painful--maybe; but not physically painful.

08-05-2003, 02:40 PM
Oh yeah, the medical industry has spent a lot of time and money coming up with less physically painful ways to kill a baby. After all, at six weeks the baby has every body part that he or she will have for the rest of their life so it can get pretty messy when it's torn out, the last thing YOU'D wanna feel is any discomfort. :o

08-05-2003, 02:49 PM
how long do i have to decide about the non surgical procedure?

If time is what's concerning you than take some advice from Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. "the time is always right to do what is right."

08-05-2003, 03:25 PM
Oh yeah, the medical industry has spent a lot of time and money coming up with less physically painful ways to kill a baby. After all, at six weeks the baby has every body part that he or she will have for the rest of their life so it can get pretty messy when it's torn out, the last thing YOU'D wanna feel is any discomfort.

Naomi, I understand that you don't support the choice for abortion. I don't think any of us here were really advocating that she get one, though. Nor was anyone debating the idea of it. Germany was asking for any and all advice and that's what we were giving - not debating a moral issue. I really don't see the need for the hostile response.

08-05-2003, 03:26 PM
I don't understand why everyone is so encouraging with the abortion. Trust me, from personal experience, there are other options.
For starters you could have the baby, if you are even preg. You should get your butt to work and start working as much as you can so that you can save money. Save as much as you can so that you will have money to live on after you can't work. You can work as long as your club will allow. Especially if you don't get very big. I know many girls that have worked almost through the second trimester without looking very pregnant. That just depends on your body. The state will help you with the medical costs if you live in the US.
You do not need to have any contact with the father. If he will cause trouble for you and your pregnancy, then I feel it is better to just walk away now. You can do it alone if you have to. A baby would be a blessing no matter what.
But, if you do not want to have the baby, and only you can make that descision, then there is always adoption. Most times, private adoptions will pay for your living expenses and medical costs till the birth of the baby.
Think of it this way...Would you rather flush your baby down the toilet or let two loving parents raise it? I'm sure that this opinion will not be popular on this board, but I agree with Naomi_TX. Please consider all options before rushing to get an abortion. Good luck in whatever you choose to do!:)

08-05-2003, 03:35 PM
Who was advocating getting an abortion? ??? I didn't see anyone recommending that and I, most certainly, was not. I was only relaying my experience with the medication used for non-surgical abortion (which, as I said, I actually took after it had been determined that I was miscarrying). If anyone mistook my post as support for the abortion, that was not my intent. Someone had stated the option of non-surgical abortion and I was just stating what I knew of the procedure. However, I also said for her to carefully consider any and every option before making such a decision and not to rush into anything. I just think it's important for her to have as much info as possible before doing so.

08-05-2003, 03:57 PM
I agree that the more info the better. I am not judging you or anyone else on here. I just don't see anyone offering alternatives.
I did not direct any comment towards you Amber, and I appreciate hearing your experience and info with your miscarriage. Your perspective gives a valuable point of view on the med. abortion side.
Good luck Germany!:)

08-05-2003, 04:38 PM
If you keep the child. don't tell the club or other dancers that you are pregnant. Often clubs will not keep a pregnant dancer. Most people know someone who has danced while obviously pregnant, but this is the exception. If you slipped and fell and then miscarried, the club could be sued, which is why most clubs will not let you work if they know.

If you decide to give the baby up for adoption without contacting the father and getting his written permission you can get into legal trouble. This is to protect the father who wants to be part of the child's life. If he didn't sign the original papers, he can come back at any time (even when the child is 10) and you will get in trouble.

As far as adoption goes, if this is a realistic option for you consider why. I know that if I gave up a baby for adoption I would want the baby far away, so that seeing it (and knowing that I gave up all rights) wouldn't be an issue. Here in California, grandparents now get first rights to the baby if given up for adoption. This means that even if the father and you both agree to sign away your rights, either of your parents can take custody of the child--even if that isn't your wish.

My opinion may be unpopular. I would advocate abortion in this case. The dad is a bad guy, she admitted to abuse (and I don't believe it was really an isolated incident), she isn't stable, and the child will not have a real father. If she chooses any option other than abortion, the "boyfriend" can come back at any time and force his way back into her life and her child's life. When I first read the original post, I thought to myself, "She's admitting that he's mean, unsupportive, abusive, and doesn't care about her. Why would she even consider screwing up her life by having a child?" Seems like a Jerry Springer show to me....

08-05-2003, 06:41 PM
and i do not see how his coming with me if i do decide to get an abortion is going to be help.does he have to know???

Amber, it was Germany who first brought up the subject of abortion because she's stressed out and wanted some input and advice from fellow strippers. When I'm stressed out over a serious dilemma and asking for others input, I don't want people to tell me what they think I want to hear so I'll feel better! No, I'd want a wide range of insight so that I could have as much info as possible to make a life changing choice that won't haunt me for the rest of my life!

Nichole, the reason more people aren't coming forward to discourage abortion is because being anti-abortion, these days, is considered not politically correct and even taboo. I admire your courage, posting something that you know in advance will get backlash "Courage is contagious. When a brave man takes a stand, the spine of others are stiffened."--Rev. Billy Graham

Sara, Germany asked for everyone's input and that's exactly what you gave so please don't feel that any of my statements are directed at you personally simply because we have conflicting views. When making a tough decision knowledge is power. I believe that there are always two sides to every story; but that doesn't mean that there is no right and wrong.

Germany, incase you missed the sarcasm of my earlier post, (I apologize) I am pro-life. I posted this here once before, I hope you give it some thought, I have faith in a woman's ability to bring a child into her life even when it seemed hopeless. It's your decision and as far as receiving any kind of backlash from him, that's ridiculous, after reading the background info you gave it's clear that legally he doesn't stand a chance in hell of touching you or your child. Sara did make a good point about him POSSIBLY being allowed visitation (not joint custody) if he pays child support; BUT if he puts up a fight, like many do, Judges take that into consideration when the tell him to fuck off and he still has to pay child support.
If you want some more advice from me than feel free to ask, I don't wanna hog up the whole thread.

08-06-2003, 12:18 AM
What if he leaves the country?

Enforcing a child support obligation becomes more difficult, but not impossible. Also, it puts him in the position of not being able to come back without clearing up his back support. (A buddy of my dad's got nabbed by Immigration when he was returning to the US and had a warrant out for failure to pay support.) Your DA will also be able to intercept his tax refunds, if any. That is a way cool way to remind the guy who's boss.


08-08-2003, 05:28 AM
If you are seriously considering the adoption route...

My husband and I have been talking about adopting for some time now. We have a 20 month old girl, but the birth left me unable to have another.

It's just another option to think over. We might be interested in discussing things with you. I know that is out of the blue, but I also know what a big decision anything you make will be, and you should have all the options available to you.

I am sure there are plenty of loving parents who would love the chance at adopting your baby should you decide to do so.

08-08-2003, 10:25 AM
Germany you asked if any one had been in your position? Well I have. I was so confused just like you that i put it out there for ppl's views and opinions on my situation and at the end of the day after all was said and done the decision was still mine to be made,the responsibility falls on me. And talking about responsibility i am the single mother of a daughter whom is now 30months old,so nearly three years has passed and i still have moments where i am kicking myself for not doing this or doing that but one thing i do know is that being pregnant in itself doesnt give you a good chance to be making these decisions as with all the hormornes raging about me i wasnt sure what was my thoughts or not.What i did do though was book my appointment at the clinic so i had the interim to make up my mind as such but that is where i went wrong.You see if i had had the procedure earlier on it would have been okay to detach myself but even though you can get it done quite late over here i just couldnt do it - not emotionally anyway,as i 'd spent WEEKS with my baby in my tummy.My advice is if you are going to do it do it early. I am not pro or anti abortions but i am pro choice. I love being a mum but hey i am writing this at night so my daughter is in bed so my feelings are now based simply in the moment(lol) but i hate the situation i have placed myself and my daughter in ALL the time.The situation being i had doubts about all this from the beginning so at times i can feel like i do not deserve any sympathy for the problems and stress i am constantly under.I am truly a single parent,i am not one of those ppl that have the support if my mum or family as i am alone in a country i migrated to and obviously contact with my childs father's family is spasmodic and contact between my daughter and her father is non-existent and has taken place four times,all by accident.So not only does she have no father she doesnt have any exended family. All the responsibility of her life is on me.I am going to be her spher until she is old enough to spread her wings because only i care. I am all she has got and that is scary.I wouldnt have considered giving her uo for adoption or anything else i carried her for 40weeks got stretch marks lost my great breast because of her had 6 stitches after having her but i birthed her and i could never give her up ,if i was going to do that i would have given her up before birth.

I hope my daughter never feels cheated on anything or thinks me selfish but i think as adults and parents to be we make loads of decisions,some through choice some through reason some through deliberation some through the way but what we all have is that selfish element that drives us in all we do.Considering being a mom calls for you to be selfless.In retrospect i now realise iwasnt selfless but selfish in my decision as i was considering myself in the middle of all my shit but never bothered to put the baby in it.
We all want the best for our kids,future or present so we should all ask ourselves is this the life i want for my child?

I personally would have chosen a different set up but in that moment i chose this.

But hey no regrets and all that,I shall try always for her and provide her with a wall of strenght and hope she doesnt ever feel anything missing in her life make-up.

I hope this is of any use to you germany but i felt compelled to share this with you.

I reiterate i am not pro abortions or anti abortion

I am Pro-CHOICE.

08-08-2003, 02:19 PM
Not to throw salt in a wound here, but it might also pay to keep in mind that you are a dancer. Family courts and child welfare agencies usually follow the Hollywood Stereotype assumptions that dancers are untrustworthy, unreliable, mixed up in drugs, sex for money etc. unless proven otherwise. The fact that you are a dancer can potentially be used against you by your baby's father if you choose to keep your child.

First, if the baby's father is a real asshole he could bring a custody battle and have a reasonable chance of winning as long as he has a steady job and does not have a criminal record. Second, if the baby's father happens to show up and cause trouble in the future to the point of the police being called, it's not impossible that the child welfare agency would be called in as well with the possibility that your child could be placed in foster care due to 'unsuitable environment' because you are a dancer. Perhaps more harmful still, the 'unsuitable environment' threat could be used by your baby's father to "leverage" you to agree to or make you do certain things to avoid the possibility of him involving the child welfare agency and potentially having your child taken away from you. Also, if I'm not mistaken, having your child taken away from you by the courts might free your baby's father from child support obligations, or at the very least prevent you from pursuing him to collect (whether or not the state tries to collect from him on behalf of the foster parents is another story).

The only way you can be sure of avoiding the 'unsuitable environment' possibilities is to never dance again and to start working at a "straight" job. However, this also leaves you vulnerable if you're unable to land a job which pays sufficiently well that you can provide properly for your child. If you wind up needing to enroll in a welfare/medicaid/food stamp program because you can't land a job that pays sufficently well and has benefits, this also leaves you vulnerable to some degree. However, that degree of vulnerability will be nowhere near the risk you'd take by continuing to dance, by being gone all night and sleeping all day, etc. And God forbid that your club should be busted while you're working, as a prostitution charge (no matter how bogus) would virtually guarantee the automatic involvement of the child welfare agency.

These possibilities in regard to dancers versus women in general are definitely not fair. However, they are real and are therefore worthy of consideration before you make any decisions about abortion/adoption/keeping your baby.

The other posters are also exactly correct about the rights of unwed fathers in regard to adoptions. There is ample court precedent if not actually specific state laws mandating that the baby's father's permission is required for any adoption, even if you are not married and even if you are not living together. Most states even allow a baby's father to rescind an adoption he already agreed to for a certain period of time before the adoption becomes final. And if you should be so foolish as to try and proceed with an adoption without your baby's father's knowledge or permission (i.e. claiming father unknown on the birth certificate), any resulting adoption could be rescinded by the baby's father for a period of up to 10-12 years PLUS you could be hit with criminal charges for falsifying legal documents and denying the baby's father his legal rights.

Even if you obtain your baby's father's permission for an adoption, this potentially puts you at risk of the following situation developing. You and the baby's father agree right now that an adoption is the best answer. A suitable adoptive couple is found, and you wind up accepting many thousands of dollars in expense payments from the adoptive parents for the latter part of your pregnancy during which you cannot work, plus the adoptive parents pick up the additional expenses for your child's birth which are not covered by your own insurance. After the birth you and the baby's father sign the adoption papers, the baby is given to the adoptive parents, you go back to your life, and the baby's father does whatever.

However, six months later the baby's father changes his mind and decides to request that the adoption be rescinded before it becomes final. You wind up with your baby back. You wind up owing $20,000 - $30,000 to the adoptive parents who now want their expense and medical money back. The baby's father winds up getting visitation rights to pop back into your life on a regular basis, and maybe the court rules he has to pay you a whopping $50 a week in child support (if he actually pays it or not is another matter). Or you could refuse to take custody of your child after the adoption was rescinded, meaning that your baby's father would get automatic custody or more likely that your child would wind up in foster care if he also refused. Of course a woman deliberately making a legal decision to refuse to take custody of her child looks very bad on a girl's permanent record, which could have significant future overtones i.e. potential "straight job" applicant investigations or future issues with future children. Either way, you'll still be expected to pay back the $20,000 - $30,000 to the adoptive parents who are now childless.

You can avoid this possibility by going with a "blind" adoption through a charitable organization rather than a private adoption "contract". However, these charitable organizations are not going to provide you with any significant amount of expense money during the latter part of your pregnancy like a private adoption "contract" would. This may leave you hard pressed financially if you are unable to dance during the last several months of your pregnancy and you don't have another source of income.

At risk of being flamed, I'll give you my own opinion on the subject based on 10 years worth of observing the sagas of dancers who have become pregnant under all sorts of circumstances. Given the adversarial and abusive relationship which already exists between you and your baby's father, and your baby's father's propensity to "play games", unless you are in a position where you can quit dancing tomorrow and get hired in a "straight" job which pays sufficiently well and has enough benefits that you can provide for your child without resorting to welfare/medicaid/food stamps, I would recommend that you seriously consider an abortion while you still can. The legal cutoff date for abortions is 12 weeks into your pregnancy - but the earlier the better from both a physical and emotional standpoint and you are technically 5 weeks pregnant already if the test comes out positive. There is no legal requirement that the baby's father agree or even be notified if you choose to have an abortion.

Write the entire experience off as an exercise in bad judgement, and spare yourself and your child 21 years worth of potential misery. There is such a thing as "quality of life", and from the way you describe your baby's father there isn't much "quality" to be expected in your child's life or your own life either with this volatile and abusive loser as an albatross around both of your necks. Hopefully a few years down the road, with the right guy at your side, you can do the parent thing properly !

08-09-2003, 11:22 AM
I agree that "the parent thing" is better when you are in a stable relationship, however, you can provide a good life for your child if you have a good head on your shoulders and are motivated to do so.
I have been through a child custody case and the only way that a father can get custody away from a mother is if he can prove her unfit. Doing this job in a professional manner will not warrant the courts finding you unfit. Going to work and doing your job and coming home to your child will not put you in jeopardy of losing your child. Drinking a lot, doing drugs, leaving with customers, partying in general, could tho.
From what you have told us about the father indicate that he is not going to be involved in your or your child's life. He doesn't seem like he would contest the adoption or want any responsibilty for your baby. You know what kind of person he is, so you would have a better idea of this than we do.
As far as I know, family court records are not available to be viewed before you get hired at a job. Potential employers can view criminal records only.

08-09-2003, 05:25 PM
While after reading this thread, I have to applaud everyone for their advice to Germany. It seems as women we do pull together and offer heartfelt advice when it's needed, even if there are conflicting concerns.

Pro-life or Pro-choice? I am thankful to live in a country (canada) that allows women to make their own decision. Even though I have 2 beautiful children of my own, I would never want to give up my choice if I was faced with circumstances such as Germany's.

So today is the 9th, she posted on the 5th.
Fill us in girlfriend, how are you doing?

You are in my thoughts :-*

08-21-2003, 06:21 PM
germany, this guy is hitting you. that's WRONG to begin with. do you have any marks? witnesses? if so, take some photos and take him to court for assault! he'll think twice about his attitude!

08-21-2003, 06:32 PM
and if he ever hits you again, grab the phone and call the cops rite away. you dont deserve that! id stop sleeping with him too, some1 like that should not deserve your love or body AT ALL!

08-26-2003, 05:09 PM
I am not going to comment on either issue, having a baby or abortion, I have been through both. What I am going to do is say a prayer for you tonight that you come to a decision and that you find peace in your mind with that decision and continue to move forward, no matter what path you take. We are here for you if you need us.


10-31-2003, 12:52 AM
i really want to know garmany hast du dein baby behalten???

11-29-2003, 11:57 PM
Germany...I hope that you make the decision that is right for you. In the end, you are the only person who has to live with that decision. Me, personally, I could never have had an abortion...and now as I type this, my 15 month old is sleeping peacefully on my lap...and each time I look at her, my heart just swells with love...and I don't regret anything. Of course, my situation is much different from yours.

I've known people who have had abortions, and it was right for them and for their situation. No one is walking in your shoes...even if you have walked the same path. Your experience is your own...so no matter what you do, always remember that each decision you made was the right decision for that moment and experience. The most important thing is that you take care of yourself and love yourself and do things that will reflect that.

Good luck...it has been a while since you posted, so I hope that you write and let us all know how you are doing!!

Much love and light,