View Full Version : Another boyfriend question

08-27-2003, 03:05 PM
Okay, as I posted in the Boyfriend thread, I have a boyfriend who knows I dance and is fine with it. However, tonight one of my more generous clients took me back-to-school shopping and then I ate with him at the Olive Garden. Earlier in the day I told my BF I was going shopping, he didn't ask who I was going with so I didn't offer any information. While I was en route from the mall to the restaurant, my BF called but I didn't get a chance to answer my cell phone. So I called him back from the Olive Garden restroom, and he asked what the music was in the background, so I told him what I was up to. Anyway, he was PISSED. He said it was weird having his girlfriend go shopping and out to eat with another guy, esp. a guy that I get naked for every week at the club. Everything is cool now, but I had to promise that it won't happen again. I think that while I am in this industry I should get everything free that I can, and if someone wants to buy me clothes there should be no problem with that. I asked my roommate (non-dancer) what she thought and she didn't think he should be mad, and I asked a (dancer) friend of mine what she thought, she said he should be glad that he didn't have to buy me all that stuff. I was wondering what you ladies thought of the situation? I honestly don't see what the big deal is...

08-27-2003, 03:13 PM
I don't know. See, the reason why your boyfriend was ok with you stripping is because he assumed that you wouldn't be seeing any of these men outside work. Once you take a customer -- well, a client -- out of the club and put him in a restaurant or something, it means that you're forming an outside relationship. And of course your boyfriend would be pissed. Personally -- I think that the clients should stay clients.

08-27-2003, 03:35 PM
Personally, if I was serious with a guy, I wouldn't see customers outside of the club. Sometimes in a relationship you have to give a little to make it work.

08-27-2003, 07:23 PM
My opinion is that it should be okay to see clients outside work ONLY IF it's something you are comfortable telling your boyfriend. He probably felt somewhat betrayed by you.

My feeling isn't that he's upset about the shopping trip, but that he found out you are withholding information from him....i.e. "Man, if she's not telling me that, what else is she not telling me?"

08-27-2003, 09:18 PM
I'm sorry but I can understand your boyfriend....

I think you should really watch out with dating customers, even if you think you should get anything for free that you can...he might think he'll get something back from you that you aren't willing to give to him....

maybe i'm overreacting though.....

what if you'd switch the persons in this story... let's say your boyfriend is a stripper ....how would you feel if he was going to have dinner with one of his regulars and not telling you in the first place....? I think you wouldn't really like that now would you?

goodluck sweety and be carefull! :-*

08-28-2003, 10:02 AM
Yes I agree that the bigger issue is probably that you did it without telling him first - kinda like trying to be sneaky, which will lead him to believe he may not be able to trust you. Dancing for customers inside the controlled environment of a club is one thing - going out with them is something else. You obviously knew that and that is why you chose not to tell him before. I'm not knocking your decision to go shopping with the customer, but if you value your relationship with your bf I think you should be totally up front with him, and when it comes to seeing customers outside work, you might consider respecting his feelings on that one...it is different and there is a limit to what we can expect our bf's to put up with. Maybe when a customer offers to take you shopping, suggest he come in on another night and spend the money on dances instead - that way he'll get 'more for his money'. You can agree to meet him at a special time, the time you might have gone shopping with him, and then you have that extra money to go shopping for yourself. Your boyfriend will appreciate it!

08-28-2003, 01:45 PM
I agree with Brigette that it betrayed his trust not telling him.

My fiancee' is totally involved with me in this business, but if I keep anything secret from him he gets extremely upset. He is the kind of guy who lays all his cards on the table and expects that out of me as well.

I do a few private shows from time to time and have had lunch with only several customers during the 4 years we have been together.

Although he is not that keen on out of club dealings with a customer, sometimes with a good spending older guy they are worthwhile. He would usually drop me off out of sight of the customer and I would call him or page him when I was finished. He even went in Marshall Fields and wrote the style numbers down of the designer outfits I wanted a guy to buy me.

I only deal with a few customers like this as they have to be the kind of guys that I can have control over the outcome of things with.

How would you feel if your guy didn't tell you the truth about a business deal or hid money from you?

In a relationship that is committed, both partners must be totally honest with each other, as once trust is lost, you both will always be suspicious of each other.

And I believe that anyone who dances MUST have a guy who TOTALLY understands this business and who is anxious for you to sell as many dances as you can and who realizes that each guy is just a customer. He should be able to go in the club any night of his choice and watch the floor and how the money is flowing, and be excited every time you sell a dance. He should be able to wait for you while you do a private show or have lunch with a customer and know that nothing is going on and realize that you surely aren't going to leave him for a 55 year old bald man with a pot belly who is lonely and just wants some companionship.

Many girls just discuss these things up front with their guy so they both have an understanding of what comes with this job, and that it is JUST a job.

Dancing for a customer or having a meal or drink with a customer is not the same as if you were in a nightclub dancing and drinking with someone you just met. The nightclub incident is seen as cheating since your attraction to the guy brought you together, the customer incident is about getting paid.

Is that so terribly hard for a guy to understand? Obviously it is better to do all your dealings with the customer inside the club, and usually unless a dancer is planning on having a sugar daddy, the money spending is about to end because an outside the club relationship is what all of these regular guys really want anyway.

09-06-2003, 10:59 AM
I think it may be a masculine type thing. After all, if your boyfriend could afford to take you out to eat and school shopping, you probably wouldn't go shopping with a customer. Perhaps he hates it because he's not the one that took you school shopping. What does everyone else think of this thought??? I know personaly, with the tables turned, I would burn with anger if a girl took my man out shopping and to eat. It's not the point of getting free stuff, I don't want her spending what should be my personal time with him.

But with the answer to your question, I think what you done was totaly innocent. If you feel comfortable with it, I don't see why there should be a problem. It depends on the relationship you have. The situation is different for everyone.

09-10-2003, 02:14 PM
My number #1 rule for dancing ( my own rules for myself, of course) NEVER see a customer outside of the club. It astounds me how many dancers actually do this. Thats just my veiw. Why would a dancer jerpordise her tips from a "regular" by giving him what he wants, seeing the dancer outside of the fantasy land? I think it stirs up too much potential trouble.

09-22-2003, 01:02 PM
I have to say that I don't think it was wrong to take this guy up on his offer. What was wrong was not clearing it with your bf first. What if he had wanted to share that time with you and buy your clothes for you. I think he probably feels threatened at the thought that you are letting other guys do things for you and not asking him if he is ok with it or considering his feelings in the matter.

As I have not started dancing yet and so consider myself a customer, like to get to know people. Just because my husband and I get to know some one outside of the club doesn't mean we aren't going to continue to support you at work. We understand that this is your job and your livelihood.

Little Miss Natalie
07-28-2006, 11:01 AM
I totally agree with Ophelia.

While you're in the safety of a club environment, your relationship with the customer remains on one level. He pays, you dance.
As soon as you leave the safety of that environment, the goal posts change.
Personally, I see exactly why your boyfriend is pissed off. Not only did you spend a day shopping with another guy ( does you boyfriend have the cash flow to buy you expensive gifts or treat you to a nice meal? This is worth thinking about as he may well be feeling extremely inadequate that he cant do the same for you) but also you were shadey with him when he called. This will only add fuel to the fire!!!
I totally believe in freedom of wills but you have to ask yourself how YOU might feel if the boot was on the other foot and he went out and spent a gorgous day being treated to gifts by another woman....
Please dont mis understand or take what I'm saying as a personal judgement, but I think that as women we sometimes have one set of rules for us and another for our partners. Its only as I write this that I realise that I really ought to be taking my own advice!! Good luck x :-X

07-28-2006, 12:03 PM
I think your BF has a right to be mad too....the whole shopping and dinner thing appears (especially from his point of view) to be very "datish," even if that wasn't your intention. Plus, not telling him in advance wasn't the best idea. You could always have a "dinner" at the club with your custy....order something and eat it with him at a table if your club serves food, or have in bring in some take out. He can bring the gifts to the club, or try to sell him some more VIP time...hell, you could even eat dinner in there, that way things stay within the confines of the club, you just provide the illusion of a different experience.

07-28-2006, 01:43 PM
Perhaps some of this can be avoided in teh future with online wish lists and a PO Box. That way, you still get stuff that you want, without having to see custies OTC.

07-28-2006, 06:21 PM
Sheesh.......would you LOOK at the date of the ORIGINAL POST PLEASE next time!!! This is dated 2003.... please someone close this thread... the OP isn't even an active contributing member anymore. The advice was not needed anymore. Oh my.............. :laughing: