View Full Version : Re: The Beautiful and The Ugly...A Question

07-08-2002, 09:28 AM
Hi Ed,

Of course how I approach different people varies, but there is only one kind of guy I will really avoid.

If the club is full and I have my pick, I look around for a slightly out of place looking guy... he's either artsy looking or intellectual looking or... something. He looks like he has a particular quality that he wants recognized. And I go up to him and recognize and exploit that characteristic.... like taking candy from a baby, but usually a lot more interesting. :-)

My first pick is usually *not* the good looking full of it guys who think they're so cute they should get it for free.

I do avoid the slimeballs. A slimeball is a guy who thinks he can control me or make me do things I wouldn't otherwise do because he has money. A slimeball is a guy who holds up a fistfull of money and says "don't look at me, I'm an asshole and I know it, look at my money." They will usually "test" you within the first couple minutes by doing something small that they know isn't allowed. Then they will pass you a 20 and try again. They also will usually try little mind games, just to see how receptive you are to mind games. Many of them will try to get you to talk dirty for free, they will push until they find something you are uncomfortable with and then see how receptive you are to talking about it anyway. I just walk away, it's not worth the energy.

Now, I'm not saying that I never bend the rules... but when I do, it is for an honest up front guy who is polite, doesn't try to cross boundaries, just says "this is what I want and this is what you'll get." NOT a slimy control freak with issues who wants to own me for a hundred bucks.

So, Ed, I guess what I'm saying is that I don't avoid ugly men, but you might want to check your attitude next time you go into a club. If you really want to stick out, be respectful. Compliment her on something besides her looks. Go up to the stage and give her a couple 5's and ask her over to your table for a drink later.

I'm sure you already know these things, with all the time you've spent in clubs. But when I get started, I forget to stop. And hey, there might be some young 'un reading this that'll be less of an asshole next time he comes in my club :-)


07-08-2002, 11:09 AM

Answering this question relies on many factors, some of which are essentially unpredictable. So I will begin with my own personal preferences.

Attractiveness helps with me, HOWEVER it is about the least influencing factor. If the guy has the money, obeys the rules, is generally clean (i.e. odor free, etc), and demostrates a basic degree of common decency, then I do not have an issue dancing for him. When it comes to time expenditure outside of private dances, I generally sit with someone who has been tipping me well on or off stage, but I PREFER a man with intelligence and personality. If a man is an asshole or a complete moron, I don't care how attractive he is. Now, I will talk to everyone in my club for at least a minute or two in the course of a night (although I do occasionally miss a few if it gets busy). My only exception here is guys who act like jerks. But it has frequently been said by our customers that I am about the only girl in my club who is not perceived as "stuck up". Okay. That's just me.

I have noticed that many times, it is either the younger, less experienced, or sleazier girls that gravitate strictly to the more attractive guys. This also means they usually gravitate towards the younger ones as well - big mistake, as the younger the guy is, the less disposable income he most likely possesses. What many of them fail to consider is that the more attractive a man is, the more likely he is to have an outside love - which means they have someone they are spending money on, or someone they are answering to. Those things tend to decrease the amount of money they will spend, aside from the frequent accompanying arrogance that Lena mentioned. With sleazy girls, such as ones that "trick" on the side or perform very high-mileage extras in-club, they seem to dig younger and more attractive guys because it likely makes it easier for them to be involved in such...ahem...physical activities.

The best way to handle these women is just to either find another attractive and friendly lady who revs your motor, or find a club where the "stuck up" girls do not rule the roost.

I learned long ago that a man's physical beauty is his least bankable feature, both as a customer and as a mate. So I tend to focus on other things.

Want to charm a woman like me when I am at work?

1)Remember my stage name and address me by it. When you tell me your name, I may have to ask you three times so that I can remember it, but I will make the honest effort. I would like the same in return, please.
2)Light my cigarette, and know how to shake hands properly with a lady. Say please and thank you. Good manners impress me.
3)When I dance for you on stage, smile, keep your hands to yourself, do not rub your crotch, and do what I tell you.
4)I sweat like crazy under those stage lights - offer to buy me a drink, even though I only drink bottled water and juice. I *WILL* appreciate it!
5)Of course, I would like to be tipped here and there if I sit with you for a while off stage, but if the place is slow, I'll stay if you are pleasant and capable of holding a decent conversation. Intellectual talk is a plus to me.
6)Have a sense of humor. It makes up for mutiple shortcomings you may otherwise possess, and God knows there isn't enough humor in the average strip joint.

7)No matter what, NEVER ask me to prostitute myself, and if you MUST ask about a legitimate date, do so only once. Do not beg, harass, annoy, cajole, or intimidate me on the subject. These things will make me instantly dislike you.

There are a few others, but these are the big ones. Once I have made my way to say hello to you, you can capture my time and attention by putting these tips into practice, even if you are a complete troll in the appearance department. And, most likely, if you are successful at applying these things, I will even truly enjoy myself in your presence, which will make you a favorite customer to me, even if you aren't loaded financially.

Will these things work with "Sage" and "Kitty"? No telling. They could just be snooty stuck-up bitches. If so, then they most likely don't deserve anything from you, especially your money! But it certainly does not hurt to make the attempt.

Just my humble two cents worth.....


07-08-2002, 11:23 AM
I was just about to reply and now I see McCain has said what I was gonna say about who goes for younger guys. Her words are very true. :)

But remember, even though most of us tend to be cocky and have smaller wallets, not all young'ins are created equal. ;)

07-08-2002, 12:19 PM

That is very true. That is why I will now make a disclaimer that my statements are based upon generalizations of my personal observations.

I actually have a regular customer at my club who is 26, single, owns his own business, and makes almost 6 figures a year - while also being a complete hottie with a great personality. Hey - he even has a hot name - it sounds like a male stripper. But he is a rare exception. And, even though he has money, he almost never tips - he usually spends all his time shooting pool.

So you are right that not all young ones are created equal. Plus, i doubt you are much younger than myself, if you are - indeed - younger than me at all.


07-08-2002, 01:38 PM
:) Don't worry about a disclaimer...for the most part it's true. And I'm two years your junior.

07-08-2002, 02:55 PM
I don't really know how to answer aggieed. Things must work a lot different in the Lone Star state than out here in LA-la land. We've had every shade of human male form walk thru the door, from monkey-butt ugly to George Clooney in person. Guess who tipped better, behaved better, complained a hella lot less and was better received the 2nd time around? :-X Besides, it's my job to be the pretty one, dammit. If you're prettier than me, how's that gonna work?

Salespeople make dumb moves every day. Consider that ya met 2 who made a dumb and dumber one. :-*

07-08-2002, 08:36 PM
After lurking on this and the other board for some time, the impression I've gotten from dancers' posts is that if a customer is spending money, and is polite/obeys the club's rules, then they will be treated well. So one thing I can think of is that somehow you and your friend's appearances are affecting the dancers' perceptions of how much money you each intend to spend. The other thought I had was that maybe as a "veteran" of the club, the dancers knew you would stay and spend money (a sure thing), but weren't sure how long your friend might be there and wanted to "cash in" before he left.

I am fairly young, but I suspect the $300 I spend at my little neighborhood club is at least average overall, and probably well above average for someone my age. So ladies, what could or should a customer do beyond dressing well and tipping at the stage to indicate that they have money to spend and are looking for some attention? I've never had trouble at the neighborhood clubs I go to, but I tend to get ignored at the slightly (and I do mean slightly) more upscale club nearby.

07-08-2002, 10:24 PM
Hi Ed!!!! Well you already know what my answer is - I don't give a damn what a guy looks like, as long as he's clean and neat, not being an asshole, and is getting dances! I won't waste much space here since you and I have discussed this already, but I don't understand what a girl is thinking when she ignores the 'less attractive' guys to go sit with some cutie. We are supposed to be at work to make money, not to sit and schmooze with cuties hoping for dates.

Btw - let me just say that Ed is one of the nicest guys a girl could meet, he is always respectful, and he always shows up neat and well-dressed. In my opinion, girls who ignore him are just stupid.

Ed sweetie, you're not a cheapo. KS may spend absurd amounts of money, but that is FAR from common. Your 'budget' is just fine. :)

07-09-2002, 06:42 AM
I love larger older (35 to 99+) men.
They usually are more respectful and have more money to spend and also you can carry a intelligent conversation with them.
You may be going to the wrong clubs, I know of clubs where all the girls are snooty barbie dolls or wanna be barbie dolls who wouldn't give you the time of day.
That is soo wrong. Go to a club that has been rated having 7's to the person rating the girls they may be a 7 but in reality they usually are 10's in personality and are really great girls not bad to look at and willing to talk to you if you treat them with respect and tip here and there but most of all be honest if you can only spend a little let us know and if you promise to spend more next time do so! Then you will have a stripper loyal to you and looking forward to your visits.
Ok I've rambled enough hope it helps.
Come by and see me at Goldrush in brandon Fl. ;)

07-09-2002, 09:45 AM
Hi Ed,

As for myself I don't care if your married or not. A man can be a phycho stalker either way. Not to say that you are. ;) I love heavy set customers. They tend to treat me with the most respect and spend.

As far as barbie girls being snooty. I think that's a bunch of garbage. I'm probably the sweetest girl at my club and will treat any man like gold as long as he does the same for me. Wich means, money and manners.

07-09-2002, 10:12 AM
More pennies from me.....

First of all, I have to agree. Not all "Barbie's" are snooty. However, it is the unfortunate fact that when a "Barbie" type *IS* snooty, it is more likely to be remembered than if a less attractive girl is stuck-up. Why ? Because if you have perfect or exotic looks, you are generally more likely to stick out in a customer's mind to start with. In this case, it can be a double-sided coin.

Secondly, extra weight most certainly does not cause me to pass over interaction with a customer. Nor does it couse me to believe that they may have less money to spend. Perhaps this is a psychological thing stemming from the fact that my father is quite the bear of a man, but extra size or weight does not bother me.

Thirdly, of course you can always demonstrate that you have money to spend by buying frequent private dances and tipping higher denominations stage-side. HOWEVER, be careful with this, because if you are TOO flashy with the cashy, you could end up with dancers on you like a school of starving piranhas. So spend, but do not do so in an incredibly high profile manner, unless you just happent to be looking for more extreme results. Otherwise, dressing and acting well most likely is the best way of demonstrating that you have an available cash flow, or an ATM / Visa card burning a hot little hole in your front pocket.

Last but not least, :D , I do not own any copyrights or trademarks on "bankable features". Glad you liked that....


07-09-2002, 10:55 AM
Not to sound harsh,

But in my experiences some girls do act like they are better then everyone else, and some act snooty. However I have also noticed it depends on what kinda day the person is having. This isn't just to dancers but everyone in general. If I'm having a bad day at work, I'm not going to be really approachable, etc etc etc.

Also, in my past experiences, which is pretty recent really is that the girl for lack of a better term is shy. I went up to her, asked for dance when she was on stage, and got a few and found her to be one of the most personable dancers there.

As far as I dress, I don't dress up, doesn't mean I look like I crawled out of a trailer park. I just treat girls with respect, don't say anything rude or invading. Working in collections for a car finance company I ge called everything you can think of, so, I figure I know what its like to be treated like shit, and decide that I shouldn't be that way.

07-09-2002, 04:37 PM
G_Real brings up some good points. Some girls appear snooty, but in reality they are just shy or don't know how to approach some guys or somehow get the feeling a certain guy doesn't like them. Many dancers are some of the most insecure people on the planet, and in their attempts to appear confident wind up coming off like snooty bitches. Then of course if a dancer is having a bad day or is PMSing hardcore, she probably won't be very friendly. (Ladies, I accidentally found that calcium REALLY helps in the PMS department - I've been taking calcium supplements daily for a few months now and my PMS moodiness has dropped drastically, AND my boobs have regained some of their former fullness. Gotta love THAT!)

I don't consider myself to be shy, and I don't have a problem approaching guys, but I do tend to pick carefully, though, since I have found there's a certain type I do best with. That may make me appear snooty to some, but you can't please them all! I also take a special pride sometimes in turning a guy's initial opinions of me - one of those who look at me and immediately think I'm 'unfriendly' or that I'm not their 'type' for whatever reason. It is really entertaining to watch a guy's attitude toward me change from ice cold to all hot and bothered and dying for more. That makes for a really fun night when it otherwise would have been slow or boring. ;D Just my two cents.

07-09-2002, 08:31 PM
One of the powers/advantages of being a dancer is the ability to set your schedule ............ if a dancer is having a bad day, then they may not want to work that day. One bad impression can kill how others may perceive you.

That will work for some, but unfortunately in many areas the dancers have to work schedules and get fines for not showing up, so not all of us have that luxury.

Let me reiterate that I do highly recommend calcium supplements for the ladies, because even if you don't notice much pms moosiness, it certainly won't hurt to take them and you might be surprised at the difference in how you feel in a couple months. I was shocked at the difference in myself - it seemed like one month I just didn't turn into the usual superbitch. I had been taking vitamins and supplements steadily for a couple months, so I figured that must have had something to do with it, did some research and found out it was the calcium. Apparently, besides the obvious benefits to teeth and bones, it also causes a chemical reaction that helps even out mood, especially when hormones are raging. Now I'll NEVER stop taking them.

Btw Ed, I do like the avatar ;)

07-10-2002, 01:26 PM
One of the powers/advantages of being a dancer is the ability to set your schedule within the guidelines of the club they work so I'm thinking that if a dancer is having a bad day, then they may not want to work that day. One bad impression can kill how others may perceive you.


Honestly Ed,

I found that one girl who would always sit by herself, she just hated the club that she worked at. I got a few dances with her, and after a bit she began to talk, and when I saw her at another club, the difference was night and day. But, just because they might seem quiet, etc etc isn't a reason not to approach them.

Also, Brigette, as you like turning around a guys opinion of you, I love having fun with the girls getting a private dance. Joke around etc etc, if the girl is having a bad day, etc.......then just make fun of anything and anyone, including myself. They seem to appreciate the fact that A) I'm not trying to cop a feel, and B) atleast bringing some humor to their day.

Finally, and ot to pick on Ed, but I don't understand why people feel that dancer's are different from people, we all have good, bad days. We all come across people who piss us off, etc. God knows I can't stand people when I'm trying to have them keep there car and yell at me to fuck off......ruins the whole day for me really.

Can't we all just get along?

07-11-2002, 11:36 AM
I hate to say it Ed, but i think you're either hanging out at the wrong club or interested in the wrong dancers. This particular "Kitty" person that has yet to give you the time of day probably never will. I think her avoidance of you is both wrong on a human standpoint as well as a business standpoint. Some dancers are like that - TOO many. Maybe they are only able to dance for someone who is more physically attractive to them... and if so, they're really in the wrong business. Out of curiosity, about how old are these girls that are turning you down? I've found that the younger girls tend to go for the more physically attractive men, which is also why I find that the younger girls seem to be making less money. Of course, I'm generalizing here... there are a lot of younger dancers that undestand and can deal with the business aspect of dancing in that everyone is a potential customer, and physical attractiveness should be one of the last considerations.

As other dancers have already said, the type of customer I tend to avoid are those that appear slimy, unkempt, are disrespectful, etc. Personally, I also tend to go for the older gentlemen, married or not, because of the disposable income factor previously mentioned... but I won't exclude they younger guys. I also tend to go for the less physically attractive guys in the club for the same reason someone else mentioned that he "hotties" tend to think they should get anything and all for free. Just as chosing a date or mate based mainly on their physical attributes alone is a mistake, so is chosing a customer.

Perhaps you need to look at your own criteria for chosing a dancer as some dancers do for chosing a customer, know what I mean? You will only defeat yourself by concentrating only on those "10" girls in the looks department when they're attitude and/or personality doesn't measure up, and it seems that is what you may be doing. Develop a dancer's attitude of "if there's no interest, move on and forget about it."

It may also be that you aren't forward enough in requesting attention. Many girls are so accumstomed to being approached they feel awkward when in comes to seaking out customers more aggressively. It's true that so many dancers are insecure, and rejection can take its toll especially if those girls have already experienced rejection delivered particularly harshly... it makes them even more uncomfortable about trying again. You may need to be more obvious in your own body signals to show your interest. Smiling, nodding, a little wave towards the dancer you're interested in may be all that it takes to make her feel more secure in that you ARE interested... the more subtle singles bar signals won't necessarily work in a GC.

It's really a shame you've been having this kind of experience at the clubs you frequent. If you're ever in the Philadelphia area definitely look for me at Club Risque (or maybe Cheerleaders... at the moment I'm in between clubs). From what I've been reading here, I find you to be an ideal customer... if the dancers you encounter haven't recognized that, it's THEIR loss, hon! ;D

07-27-2002, 04:57 PM
Hmmm, I just *have* to respond.

I'm 19 and have just started dancing. I don't know if it's being the new girl, guys just liking my looks, or whatever, but I tend to have guys seek me out, much more than I seek them out. Some specifically wait at the stage exit for me, or say something while I'm dancing. I talk to everyone, but a guy who hands me a five on stage instead of just a dollar gets my attention. Especially if it is just me he is tipping well. The biggest turnoff so far is a guy tipping the other girls on stage and not me. Also, if I smile at a guy and they smile back, well, that's a great start. Another thing that pretty much guarentees a talk with me is coming over to the stage to specifically tip me - all girls like to feel special!

A lot of the girls I work with are, for lack of a better term, crazy. A lot of them will do anything to make a buck, they're loud and outgoing, and just basically wild. Since I don't fit that profile (I'm relatively calm, naturally pretty, and somewhat shy) I don't always approach every guy in the club. Some guys are there to find the wild girls, in which case I'll let them be. I tend to gravitate towards the lone guys, usually the ones in suits, and don't tend to focus on their age. Any guy who's tipping well and staring at ME, will have me come over and talk to them after my set.

I will admit that when it's slow and not many guys are paying I'll hang out with the younger more attractive ones. I think this has more to do with the fact that at tht point I've resigned myself to the fact that the money's not coming, and I want to talk to someone I can better relate to.

One other thought...have you considered tipping the bartender or doorman to put in a good word for you? My doorman is wonderful, he's clued me in on all the regulars, which ones have money, who to watch out for, etc. If he told me someone was interested in me and had money I would definatly give that guy more time than one I walked up to on my own.

07-28-2002, 05:09 PM
Hi Ed,
I read your post and just had to reply. When I'm dancing I look for the guy who shows the most attention to me while I'm dancing on stage. :o If you are drooling over me while I dance, I'll dance just for you and look right into your eyes no matter how big you are. I have an athletic body but I have full hips and butt so I like a guy to be bigger than me so I don't feel as though he will break when I'm giving him a Lap dance. I've found the nicest guys are usually larger in my experiance. :) I like when guys show me on teir face how attractive they think I am. Don't sit in the back row and stare into space if you want me to give you attention. You should come to my club and I'd take care of you!! :-* Alright I have to go but have a great night.