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LorInn
02-24-2004, 12:21 AM
P.S. Congrats Gynger on 10 years of sobriety!!!

RicanAsianMa
10-11-2004, 06:23 PM
Hey guys....This is Rican_Asian_Ma.

Just letting everyone know that I am completely drug free since my last entry (Jan/2004). It's kinda weird that I read back on that entry now that I wrote "there's something about this new year and becoming a better person this new year is telling me to quit." Because as of this year (as of March) I am pregnant with my first baby boy. I guess something really was telling me to change my life and I did it!

bloodydewdrop
10-11-2004, 06:50 PM
Hey guys....This is Rican_Asian_Ma.

Just letting everyone know that I am completely drug free since my last entry (Jan/2004). It's kinda weird that I read back on that entry now that I wrote "there's something about this new year and becoming a better person this new year is telling me to quit." Because as of this year (as of March) I am pregnant with my first baby boy. I guess something really was telling me to change my life and I did it!
Congrats!!!! You should be very proud of yourself :) And great news about the baby too ;D

misschevious420
10-12-2004, 07:32 AM
I started dancing at 17, and I wasn't used to getting drunk. The bar I worked in paid $3/drink and $2/shot. :-[ So one night a customer gave me a Carmex container full of coke. He said it would help keep me straight being that I was drinking so much.

3 months down the road I have an 8ball a day habit. One night while I was working, I hung upside down on the pole, and (warning graphic!) blood ran all over my face and onto the stage. I was rushed to the ER, found out I was also 5 1/2 weeks pregnant.:O

Needless to say that ended my addiction 6 years ago. My friends helped me through withdrawels, and so much more. ;D

Now I have a beautiful 6 year old daughter named Brooklynn.

I still smoke pot, but I'm a stoner what can I say.::)

VADEN
10-14-2004, 07:32 AM
Once upon a time........ :bong: :chillpill :hypnotize :trip: :seesaw:

:banghead:
Not anymore.......:no::dance:;)

serendipity
10-14-2004, 08:27 AM
Well, when I was 19 I lived in "parole town" (which is what I call Jackson because there's a prison and most of the people I hung out with were on parole) I was introduced to a lot of things I had never tried before. I was curious and open-minded, so I did X and loved it, tried coke and loved that too, smoked crack a few times (didn't love that so much, it tasted like burning plastic and the buzz didn't last long enough), and of course smoked pot all the time but I've been doing that since I was 14. I knew I was in trouble when my friend Jangie and I were to the point that we would snort ANYTHING we thought would give us a buzz. Asthma medicine, Adderall, even Tylenol Cold (because it has sudafed in it, and since that's a bit of an upper... well, it was stupid, and it burned our noses). At some point we were snorting our X as well. One night I knew it had gone too far when I had sex with the guy I was getting the coke from for no other reason than to get some dope. He was 15 years older than me and very unattractive, but I got an 8 ball out of it and did it all by myself. That night as I was trying to sleep, feeling my heartbeat, lying on my back so the drainage would go down my throat, I decided I needed help and called my mom. She arranged for me to go down to Texas for the winter with my grandparents and get away from my drug friends, so I did, but it didn't work. In Texas, coke is a LOT cheaper, and immediately I met people who could hook me up. I only did it every weekend, but I could not stop myself. I would finish an 8 ball and still want more, more, more. I was high on the most coke I had ever done the morning we came back to Michigan, but none of my old friends were around anymore (a few because they were in jail, big surprise) and I couldn't find anyone to get it from. I quit because I had to, because it wasn't accessible anymore. Now that I have a daughter, I would never go back to it even if I found someone who could get it for me. She depends on me to be around, and I don't want to deprive her of a mother by making my heart explode.

MisfitBunnie
10-14-2004, 02:07 PM
I started off using pot, acid, and coke every once in awhile between the ages of 13-17. When I turned 18 I started doing much more coke and started doing a lot of Ecstasy and Ketamine. E and K were my drugs of choice. I did meth a couple times but I never liked uppers that much. I did coke just because sometimes I liked the buzz but I was always a downers kind of person. I would eat ecstasy 2 or 3 days a week and always did ketamine along with it. It got to the point I had to eat more and more pills and I HAD to have K if I decided to drop a pill. I overdosed once during a party at my house and I was comatose for nearly 5 hours before I started having any conciousness. Lucky my friends were taking care of me the whole time. I was kinda pissed nobody took me to the hospital but luckly I snapped out of my K-Hole.

It wasn't until I got with my boyfriend that I got clean. He helped me get sober and gave me all the love and support I needed. I did drugs because I was horribly lonley and sad and that was how I delt with my pain. It's been 2 years since I've done any drugs except marijuana which I smoke on a daily basis. I also gave up cigarettes almost a year ago!:)

I send my love and respect to all you recovering addicts out there! And to those who are still using please try to get help and stop. You may not think you have a problem but when anybody is using drugs, they have a problem...period. Good luck!

madgrad
10-16-2004, 01:06 AM
My 2 cents

Most people stop addiction of any kind and begin treatment; once they look in the mirror see the reflection and are disgusted with themselves.

Most drug/alcohol addicts also suffer from some kind of past truama/mental illness and use drugs and alcohol to medicate themselves.

My advice is once your disgusted enough with yourself is to see your MD and get reffered to you a therapist/psychatrist, and get your meds and treatment right away.

Once, your in thearpy you'll be amazed how many past traumas in child hood screwed you up with the baggage you carry in adult life once your in.

After being in thearpy/treatment you'll start to notice how the need to abuse lessens, once you start dealing with your problems acting as the mechanism is behind the substance abuse.

tiamaria
11-19-2004, 01:12 PM
I'm sorry to say that I lost my husband this past year to substance abuse.Mostly to alcohol and painkillers.He battled this problem for years.I miss and love him very much especilly now after reading all of the posts.Please take good care of yourselves there's only one carbon copy of you.So love yourself enough to keep yourself safe from poison in your body.It's really not fair to those who love you to be left behind in the pain of loss,and their is more negative to substance abuse then there is positive.We are all gods creation and deserve better for ourselves.quitting,is probably the most difficult thing to do but it's the only thing to do for abusers.

fearandloathing
11-19-2004, 02:23 PM
"drug abuse" is a term that's a little dramatic for just smoking pot or doing drugs recreationally. you can do drugs and not be addicted. it's not black and white like "drugs are bad, and people who do drugs are drug addicts". what a narrow minded, outdated way of thinking.

tiamaria
11-19-2004, 02:38 PM
drug addicts are people who abuse drugs by over doing it enough to be obvious to others and themselves.

Adina
11-19-2004, 03:05 PM
Has anyone heard of ibogaine? I first read about it in Rolling Stone, probably 10 years ago. It's a hallucinogenic that's used to treat heroin and crack/cocaine addiction.

http://www.ibogaine.org/

Pamela
11-19-2004, 03:10 PM
I just had to go threw the posts here and read again. I came across a post were i wrote about my sister. She drank to death. It has been since September 26 this year. I was put on personal leave at the hospital. She came in quickly by my friend who was very near her, and they had to carry her. Shaking bad, not cold. She was given Ativan to calm the shakes. She died about 2 hours after ED admit due to NO magnesium left in her body, which put her into Cardiac arrest. They could not bring her back. I was with her, she seemed to be looking up, but she crashed...Coded quickly. She was 44 years old.

I lived it with her for 20 some years. The old post SUCKS. Her liver never went, so many ways drinking can take you. This was not expected, not this way. Be careful, it's the ones who love you who will suffer seriously bad.

Pamela

montythegeek
11-21-2004, 03:21 PM
Pamela,
Been there on your sister's end. Loss of Sodium and Potasium damn near killed me. It took me 2.5 months in the hospital and 3 months after that to come to the startling conclusion that alcohol and me do not mix and never can.

Congrats to RAM for getting her life together. Just remember what you have to do to keep it together, and keep that in the front of all your actions. No celebrating once your baby is born. Celebrate by staring at its wonderfulness and remembering what made that possible.

AngelEyezXYZ
11-21-2004, 04:24 PM
Wow... this thread is really deep. I don't know how to categorize my drug problem, or if I even have one, so it's kind of weird. It seems like although I don't have an addiction to anything in particular, I'm always doing a little something.

Back in 2001 this guy I was dating went to jail and I found a bag full of ex pills in his duffelbag and I started taking them. I took them every day until they were gone, but once they were gone I stopped completely and had no desire to continue.

Then last year my girlfriend and I went nuts with cocaine-- we found a guy who sold it to us really cheap so we did it everyday for about six months. One day he schemed us out of $100 and we never went back over there again. So that's overwith.

Back in 2001 I lost a lot of weight really fast with the ephedra products that are now banned and I went on a website that says how you can take 3 pills together that have the same effects, so I've been doing that lately and that's my new thing.

Pamela
11-22-2004, 09:53 AM
Monty you know what happens then. So damn glad to hear you survived. My sister upon one visit had to get potasium in the arm. They had to strap her down, she said it burned so damn bad. I had to watch all this crap. Wish i knew her mag. level was shot from the drink. That is what killed her, stopped her heart, as you know mag, potasium and others play a major function in heart health. She had no clue, other than the shakes pretty bad upon arrival. Her mag. level left her body. Some people don't even know that this will kill you. And she took a multi. Alcohol is a bad bad life style. One minute she was fine, the nest she was shaking, and coded.....SUCKS.

Angel, only you will know. How you feel, if you need a drink. My sister started cutting way back, i could not understand why at that point she would die, but see the damage was already done, and since she looked fine, they blew her off for months.
Pamela

violet st. claire
11-22-2004, 01:54 PM
i have pretty serious undiagnosed attention deficit disorder. i am going to my gp in december to get a referral for a psychiatrist, but because of all the red tape with my health insurance, it will probably be awhile before i can get properly diagnosed and treated. and before people start going off on how add doesn't exist and is just made up by pharmaceutical companies to sell addictive drugs to minors who will then need them all their life, hold your tongue. i've heard it all before, and clearly you don't suffer from the same symptoms i do-- symptoms that have a stranglehold on my life and make even the most simple tasks feel sisyphean.

because of the chemical imbalance in my brain caused most likely by problems in my neural cortex, stimulants make me function like a normal human being. at times in my life, this has resulted in addictions to meth (though not for very long-- that whole methamphetamine psychosis that comes about from smoking it didn't agree with me, and i only abused it for about six weeks), ephedrine, nicotine, caffeine, and using black market adderal whenever i can get my hands on it. the thing with adderal is that i prefer the extended release version, i don't snort it, i just use it as someone who has been prescribed it would use it. i don't want to get "high," i want to get normal, which is the reason that cocaine has never appealed to me as a drug i could get addicted to, but as a recreational substance-- the high is too physical for me to be something i could use all the time.

i am excited to be going to the doctor, but i am frightened that they will not properly diagnose and treat me. i have done a ton of research into add and women are often diagnosed with anxiety disorders or depression instead of add, and i do not have either. i was improperly diagnosed with anxiety disorder when i was 20-- i really wish that my doctor had tested me for add, but because of my high performance levels in school, i was never tested for add. the thing is, over time it has only gotten worse, not better, ending with me using every excuse possible to extend due dates for papers and tests because i simply could not sit still and study or write. i am getting ready to enter a very difficult graduate program next fall, and if i don't have some sort of treatment, be it chemical or simply behavioral, i know that i will probably end up back on hard street drugs just to get through school, a thought that really unsettles me. i know my limits, and i know my temptations, and i don't want to see me fall back into using speed to get through the day.

angel22499
11-22-2004, 02:03 PM
I was a crack/cocaine user for 3 years. i went to rehab and everything, but the bottom line is nothing works until u are ready to stop. you have to hit an emotional bottom before u can change your life. i have been clean for 2 years now and can honestly say it's not about the drugs... the drug was just a way to get away from me. i was the real problem. today. i just don't want to live like that. maybe tommorow i'll feel differewntly. if u need someone to talk to feel free to pm me. i've been there. also... Best of luck.

piper_monroe
11-23-2004, 02:37 PM
Although yesterday I did get high I decided it was my last day and I plan to quit. I will keep everyone updated.

I need a lot of motivation and support from you guys since I really don't get it anywhere else.

I'm really happy that youa re deciding to clean up. It is a hard road but one that can be overcome. One thing though is that you should probably not tell yourself that "today will be the last day I ever get high." Anyone who has been to AA or NA will tell you that the road to recovery is paved with promises to "never do it again." Not that it isn't said with good intent. Addicts seeking recovery truly want to never do it again. They do. But being physically addicted to something often leads people to do drugs/alcohol again. Then they feel so fricken bad about doing it again when they said they wouldn't that they often give up, feeling that they just can't do it. I know, I've been there.

Sometimes it's better to accept that you may stumble on your road to recovery but that you won't beat yourself up about it, and you will continue nontheless. I screwed up a lot and I still do occasionally. But I am in a way better place today than I was a year ago.

Bunny
01-05-2005, 08:51 PM
I've never had a problem with anything being addictive, just tried a few things but could take it or leave it. I drink, but not often. My dad almost died from a few factors, but drinking was a huge thing. The weird part is he didn't have to quit and just cut down and now he never drinks much.

On a lighter note, this makes me think of a story an attorney told me about someone he once defended. Apparently the guy had picked up some strippers in a club and asked them if they wanted to party. They took off with him but were unhappy that all he had was LSD so they decided to try to TRADE the LSD for cocaine. The way they did this was pull into a gas station and ask some tow truck driver if he knew where they could do this type of trade. He said okay and told them to follow them while he called the cops. Apparently he was a paid informant. Not a good idea to try to trade drugs at the gas station with a total stranger.

TigersMilk
01-05-2005, 11:20 PM
Wow Ive never read this thread before just voted.
I hardly ever do drugs (except a lil grass for my back pain) but when I do I do alot. Mostly b/c Im around people who do it alot. I try not to know anyone who does anything hard core. For a couple of months I was snorting coke; I thought "hey its free I wonder what its like?". I wasnt hooked but I kept doing it. Then later that year the same guy and his friends were doing X and I downed them had a great time. On coke I never ate and lost alot of wieght and stayed awake for 24+ hours sometimes. Then the X...didnt want to eat anything but popsicles and have sex. I ended up double stacking alot about every week or so for about 3 months.
All in all Im glad I dont know people like that or do drugs like that anymore. No more PL Bf's for me. Besides, I think all those drugs have impaired my memory. I get frusterated at times when I walk away 10 feet and forget something. Except, there are times I wish to be on something anything just to dull the moment. But, thanks to those scary @ss pictures I dont think I will want that anymore.

And I found some pictures of what your brain looks like on X and after X:
http://www.nida.nih.gov/teaching4/Teaching4.html

Concubine
01-06-2005, 05:17 AM
I've tried XTC, it's the only hard drug I've tried. I haven't done it all too much and don't think I'm addicted to it. But I've never been able to relax completely at a party until I did the E. Now whenever I'm at a party I want to do it. Thankfully I don't go to too many parties.

I use to smoke a lot of the maryjane, but now I do it about once a month if that. Just found it was too much pain (throat) and stinkiness for something that hardy has any effect on me and makes me lazy and eat a lot.

I smoke however and I'm very addicted to that. When I'm not with the bf (which is most of the time because he isn't from the same city as me) I smoke a little under a pack a day. But when I am with him I smoke 0-1 cigarettes a day!!! Weird eh!

Alcohol has never been a problem for me. I drink one or two drinks at work a week if that. The last two weeks I've had no drinks at all. I like to be a little buzzed but not drunk.

bigteninch
01-16-2005, 04:33 PM
I remember how bad I got

nice to hear that it's still fresh for you, and that you have such great honesty and take the time to share that here. Until a person admits life is unmanageable, no power on earth makes any difference. I know this from experience and keep it fresh to stay drug and alcohol free, "clean and serene"!

thanks so much Shaden, never expected to hear some of what i need here...

Alice in Wonderland
01-16-2005, 05:29 PM
I have never tried Xtasy,But I watched this special on it that seemed very interesting.It showed the first guy to market it before it was illegal.I think he was a preacher.He said it was the most euphoric feeling that one could imagine.He decided to market it because he said he didn't believe that it had any side effects and still swears to this day that he believes that it is a safe drug.He mentioned that He believes that the guy(I forget his name)who brought this to the attention of the drug health administrators,Was making this all up because of someone dying from it,He said it was not true.He made a fortune marketing X and is very wealthy from it now.What gets me is,He seemed like he was a very intelligent man,and seemed sincere about X not being harmful,If not cut with other additives and not abusing it,I actually fealt like trying it after I saw this on T.V.I have tried acid,coke,crack,Angel Dust,pot,hash,hash oil,mescaline,free base,heroin,ups,downs,alcohol.I had a bad fixation with the angel dust.It was the only drug that i enjoyed at the time,until,the bad experience of one time I smoked a bag of dust and lost my vision.All I saw was like snow on a tv set,you know,like white fuzz,It scared the life out of me.It lasted for 15 minutes,I guess,I'm not sure,but I just tried to remain calm,and it actually started to come back to me as if someone were fixing the reception on a tv set,exactly like that,bits and glimpses of a clear picture.That 3was the last time I did any drugs.I don't even smoke cigarettes anymore,Its like I had an awakening.:)

tinkerbelle
01-16-2005, 06:10 PM
I never really had any interest in taking any kind of drugs,luckily!:-\ But It is real sad to see people on them treated like they are a waste of human life,or animals just because they got the short end of the stick.You are a product of your environment,I believe the way we are raised and our parents behavior and whether or not they deprived us in any way is to whether or not we are to try drugs or get addicted.I think it's real sad to see those who had the misfotune of getting to be into drugs be looked down upon,They are still human like you and I.

kitana
02-21-2005, 03:49 AM
WOW! I first off have to say that I applaud all of you that have gotten through a durg addiction.

As for everyone who hasen't yet, hang in there maybe we will get through it together.

My story:

I am an addict. I can finally admit that now after seeing some of my co-workers. I am addicted to pain pills. I just can't lie about it anymore or try to hide it. You give mea script of 60 Lortab 10's and they will be gone in a week. I about cried tears of joy when they gave me Diladid to take home from the hospital last month.

My store starts in the summer of 1997. I was preggers with my second. I also had 3 gall stones, and a kidney stone at the same time. Due to the pain form the stones I was given a permenant supply of Tylonol 3. (The medical card woudn't pay for anything stronger, and they wouldn't give me anything stronger due to the pregnancy.) I was put under general twice during the preg, due to the kidney stone.

Flash forward to Nov of 97 when I had the child and they took out my gall bladder. They gave me a morphine pump after the surgery. PRESTO addict created!

I found out, every time I could go to the hospital and they would give me a shot of demorol, morphine, or diladid and a script for pain pills.

NOTE* I have never tried anything other than pot as far as street drugs go. I am an addict of "downers", or relaxants. Things that make me awake or jumpy aren't my cup of tea.

Flash forward to 2000. I am with the love of my life and we have an adorable baby girl. But I still crave deep down inside of me something. Then I have another bout with kidney stones. Then it hits me; that's what I have been wanting the pain pills. So for the past 5 yrs, on and off I go the ER with a kidney problem. I always actually do have a stone, and when they do get in the position to remove or pass I always have a new one growing in it's place buy the follow-up. I guess I was cursed on that point. (Cronic kidney stones and infections caused my Mother's kidney cancer).

My Doctor has now advised (as of 2003) the local ER, that if I come in with a kidney stone, unless it's in a tube my bladder or anywhere close to that, to just give me a shot and pills and send me home. Again PRESTO!!! Addict Monster Created.

I don't know how to quit, or if I would if I could. About once every 4 weeks or so, I go to the ER , get my shot, and my script. I don't even have to take off work for it. I have also gained quite a liking to Zanex(sp), and valiums too.

I mean to be addicted to something like Coke must be bad, but to try to quit pain pills when you do have a reason to take them; it's really hard. Especially since morphine is almost as addictive as heroin(which is the most addictive substance).

I don't like morphine as much as I used to, ever since I went into withdrawl fromit after a kidney surgery. I was on it every 2 hours for 6 days straight then nothing. I don't remember much except for the fact I was lying in the bottom of the shower with just the hot water on and my head sticking out on the floor. My husband picked me up and he got burned by the water.(I couldn't feel it) Our water temp for the hot is around 140. I was there in the shower for almost 2 hours. I had to go back to the ER for 1st and 2nd degree burns. And of course what do they give me?! MORPHINE!!! And a script for that and Lortabs both. To help ease the withdrawls and the pain.

If anyone know of a program that can help with pain pill addiction, please let me know. I do want to but I just don't know if I can or not. OR if you want someone to talk to, PM me as well.

Kitana