View Full Version : Looks like I'm single
Katrine
04-26-2004, 10:11 AM
I was really bored yesterday and logged into YahooIM, looking for YOU weluckyfew, actually......my friend was online at the same time and I really hate going to the movies alone...it worked out well......
My single girlfriends throw themselves, physically and emotionally, onto guys who don't deserve them. Maybe we can thank stripping and experience, but I don't do that. I do not make myself so available to ANYONE, especially the emotion part....I hardly think that asking a schoolmate to a movie is the same thing. We have not even kissed....
Its all gravy from here papi....... ;)
Weluckyfew
04-26-2004, 01:16 PM
I said I realized it was casual, just being the annoying friend who reminds you of bad habits (I have several that are good about reminding me of mine)
MotherDaisy
04-26-2004, 10:45 PM
I don't know what to do now, do I go to Cocaine Anonymous or something, check into rehab, stop hanging out with all of my friends that do it.......
Yes girl you need to do all of these things. You write it like its a joke, but addiction is nothing to mess with. How could you have a relationship when you are so messed up inside? Don't do any cocaine for a couple weeks and see how you feel. If you can't stay away from it for 14 days while you get over this break up then you have a problem.
Seriously girl, you are only going to live once, please stay healthy. Do it for every one who cares about you and before your money and dreams go down the drain.
seraya
04-27-2004, 12:33 PM
Hey kat!
I chimed in kinda late......
I'm so sorry to hear about your situation but i know you have a strong mind and spirit and you will come through it all.....
I think spliting from your bf may be a blessing in disguise..... its now time to take care of no#1 ..... YOU. Seek help for your drug problem, get rid the negative ppl in your life, learn to love your self..... because when you truly love your self, you only want, expect and accept the very best for yourself.
i wish you the best of luck and continous strength but i know your a fighter!
lotsa love
Seraya xoxo
seraya
04-27-2004, 01:16 PM
I'm sorry to hear about your break up with your BF, SCgirl..... but this also could be just what you need.
Being single can be a great thing honestly..... I think it helps you to know and understand your self better.... i also believe that learning to enjoy your own company is VERY important.
I find it sad to see women who can't stand being alone.... My mother split from my father when i was 6 months old and you know what, she waited untill i was 18 before having a serous relationship!! YUP 18 years! because she put herself and i first.
This has made me very independent and i would rather be lonely than settle for second best...... I never ever settle for second best!!!! and this applies to everything in life! It feels great to be with someone you know you WANT to be with not someone you feel you NEED to be with ..... trust me there is a big difference.
I believe i have the best man in the world but i know that if we finished tomorrow, it wouldn't be the end of me..... I love my own company and i love ME.
Be your own best friend girl! Treat yourself and pamper yourself, get to know yourself and more importantly learn to love your self...... the best kind of love in the world. ;)
Seraya.
Katrine
04-27-2004, 06:00 PM
He called, he doesn't want to break up. We talked about things. I havn't told him about my little 1-2 times a week habit. He wants to talk tonight, he wants us to be together........
Rhiannon
04-27-2004, 06:03 PM
Good Luck Hunny! I hope you have a good talk!
Please let us know how it turns out.
Lots of Hugs & Love,
~Rhi~
seraya
04-27-2004, 06:09 PM
Yes good luck and whatever you decide, just make sure its in your best interest.... Another thing when you talk pls pls be open and honest about the drug issue.
Good luck hun
Seraya.
Katrine
04-27-2004, 06:23 PM
That's a problem, I don't want to tell him about the drug thing, even though I know he will help me out AND probably be better at keeping me away from the stuff than any counselor because he knows me and my friends....I am afraid.....to lose the drugs, that's so sick, but its true. I don't really want to quit.......
Please don't judge me, I am being honest and too scared to tell anyone I actually know IRL. No one knows its a problem, even the people that I engage in use with, I act very together, but inside I don't feel in control when I do this one particular substance.
I can have one drink, or smoke a bowl, and be fine. Its not the same with coke, I have to do it until its gone or until I can take a pill to help me pass out.....
Sorry to keep dragging this drama out :(
Rhiannon
04-27-2004, 06:32 PM
That's a problem, I don't want to tell him about the drug thing, even though I know he will help me out AND probably be better at keeping me away from the stuff than any counselor because he knows me and my friends....I am afraid.....to lose the drugs, that's so sick, but its true. I don't really want to quit.......
Please don't judge me, I am being honest and too scared to tell anyone I actually know IRL. No one knows its a problem, even the people that I engage in use with, I act very together, but inside I don't feel in control when I do this one particular substance.
I can have one drink, or smoke a bowl, and be fine. Its not the same with coke, I have to do it until its gone or until I can take a pill to help me pass out.....
Sorry to keep dragging this drama out :(
Dahling, I could never judge you, and I don't think anyone else on here could either. No one is perfect, and everyone has their own little vices in some way, shape, or form. For anyone to judge you, it would be hypocritical.
I just ask that you do be careful in whatever you choose to do. You're a true gem, and I'd hate for anything to happen to you.
It's your decision to tell the boyfriend about your drug use, but as you said, he would probably want to help you through it. So even if you don't decide right now that you want to quit, you'll know that you have that support down the road.
I'm here for ya, girl.
:hug:
Farrah_Holiday
04-27-2004, 06:40 PM
Tell him when you feel comfortable,if at all.
Just keep in mind you are a strong woman and in control of yourself.
Stay strong K ! You don't need to be dependent on anything..its all mental.
:hug:,
Farrah
Blade
04-27-2004, 08:04 PM
That's a problem, I don't want to tell him about the drug thing, even though I know he will help me out AND probably be better at keeping me away from the stuff than any counselor because he knows me and my friends....I am afraid.....to lose the drugs, that's so sick, but its true. I don't really want to quit.......
Please don't judge me, I am being honest and too scared to tell anyone I actually know IRL. No one knows its a problem, even the people that I engage in use with, I act very together, but inside I don't feel in control when I do this one particular substance.
I can have one drink, or smoke a bowl, and be fine. Its not the same with coke, I have to do it until its gone or until I can take a pill to help me pass out.....
Sorry to keep dragging this drama out :(
Dahling, I could never judge you, and I don't think anyone else on here could either. No one is perfect, and everyone has their own little vices in some way, shape, or form. For anyone to judge you, it would be hypocritical.
I just ask that you do be careful in whatever you choose to do. You're a true gem, and I'd hate for anything to happen to you.
It's your decision to tell the boyfriend about your drug use, but as you said, he would probably want to help you through it. So even if you don't decide right now that you want to quit, you'll know that you have that support down the road.
I'm here for ya, girl.
:hug:
Here's where Blade shows his true colours....
I CAN and WILL judge Katrine. In fact I find you guilty of being :gasp: human!Shit happens Kat, no need to apologize for seeking advice.It's what you do with the advice you are given that will make or break you.
Being scared to lose the drugs is normal,as out of control as I got with the meth and/or cocaine I always knew I would have to either quit or die someday and I was scared shitless.
Fear of changing your life and lifes patterns is some seriously scary shit, and not to be taken lightly.
You are a recreational cokehead, so you have 2 options: Quit and get your self on track(easier said then done) or worst case, continue with the recreational usage until it turns into 4-5,6-7 times a week and possibly overdose and die(or just wish you were dead)I can talk til I'm blue in the face but ultimately the decision is in your hands.As I've told you (I think) I'm here if you want /need to talk.Consider me a friend who cares about ya for no real reason other than thats me.Ive worn the shoes you have on now and they suck.
Flounder
04-27-2004, 08:50 PM
Hang in there Kat!
Your honesty says quite a bit about your character, I wish more people were like that.
seraya
04-28-2004, 02:24 AM
That's a problem, I don't want to tell him about the drug thing, even though I know he will help me out AND probably be better at keeping me away from the stuff than any counselor because he knows me and my friends....I am afraid.....to lose the drugs, that's so sick, but its true. I don't really want to quit.......
Please don't judge me, I am being honest and too scared to tell anyone I actually know IRL. No one knows its a problem, even the people that I engage in use with, I act very together, but inside I don't feel in control when I do this one particular substance.
I can have one drink, or smoke a bowl, and be fine. Its not the same with coke, I have to do it until its gone or until I can take a pill to help me pass out.....
Sorry to keep dragging this drama out :(
Hey hun....
NO ONE here is judging you, we are all here to support you... :)
The reason i say to be honst and open, is only because.... If you decide to get back with him, then i don't think its fair to keep him in the dark, about something which is so important.... Something which will, and already has effected the relationship. A realtionship is about 2 ppl and if you really want this too work then you will have to let him know eventually. If he sticks with you and offers to help you, well then you know you have a true gem. If he doesn't stay, well i don't think that makes him a bad guy but that maybe he isn't the right one for you.... either way your going to learn something.
I do agree with the others though, to do it when you feel you are ready..... you have just recognised and admitted to us and most importantly to yourself that you have a problem. This will take time..... your on a journey......but i know you will get there.
Stay strong!
Seraya.
Katrine
04-28-2004, 10:53 AM
So we hung out last night, everything is like it was before. He got me two of my favorite things: porn and pizza....
Damn Jessica Simpson with her full heaving breasts and silky blonde hair selling buffalo chicken pizza, that shit was nasty. The Belladonna porn was nasty too, but in a good way........so I guess I'm not single anymore, a good 5 days, wow!!!
I'm going to tell him when I get back in town next week from Houston. No way will he let me go strip again when he finds out, even though its not something I really involve myself with on a work run......
Thanks everyone for your feedback!
ATLDiscoLawyer420
04-28-2004, 11:26 AM
No way will he let me
:thumbsdown:
Weluckyfew
04-28-2004, 12:02 PM
well, maybe if you ask really sweetly he might give you permission. Bake him something nice first, and be sure your eyes are cast toward the ground when you speak to him
I know, I know, I'm an ass....
Pumpkin Pie
04-28-2004, 12:27 PM
Some women on this forum are into the "female dominant" lifestyle and other, such as Katrine, are into the "male dominant" lifestyle. To call one OK and the other not is just hypocritical.
What? What do I think?
I think both are wrong, but that's just my point of view. You see I'm into the "joint-decision" lifestyle. ;)
Seriously, being a couple is about making joint decisions that both can live with. The lifestyle I like living is where both opinions are respected and discussed then an agreeable compromise is reached. This may mean that you don't take that promotion that would need you to relocate to a different city. Or it could mean that you temporarily give up your career to raise your young children. The overall good is what is the goal. A relationship isn't about "you" but "us". If you want to just live your life as you please and don't give a damn what your partner thinks, please do everyone a favor and remain single. You'll save yourself, your partner, and all those around you a lot of grief. Besides, you're living a single's lifestyle anyway then so why pretend that you're in a relationship? Have your fuck buddies but leave it at that.
Katrine
04-28-2004, 03:07 PM
Some women on this forum are into the "female dominant" lifestyle and other, such as Katrine, are into the "male dominant" lifestyle.
Ok, when did this become fact? I am no more into a male-dominant lifestyle than Gloria Steinem.
Seriously, being a couple is about making joint decisions that both can live with. The lifestyle I like living is where both opinions are respected and discussed then an agreeable compromise is reached.
When I mention that my man won't "let me" do something, its through a respectful request, not intimidation or domination. Obviously you don't know me, nor anyone else here, but I am a very dominant person naturally, he can't force me to do anything, and he has not yet. This is just what I predict will happen when I tell him I want to clean up my act.
But look at the situation empathically. If your girlfriend might have a problem with a substance that is prevalent in her place of employment, wouldn't you ask her to stay away, at least for the intermin time that she is trying to regain control of her lifestyle...
Despite all of the stereotypes we aren't, why do you have to presume that I HAVE to be a stripper and that I can't go elsewhere. Its not a job that everyone can handle, and I've walked away from it many times, for various reasons.....it won't kill me to get a management job somewhere in an office where bitches aren't doing lines off the tables every 5 minutes.
As I've said before, the issue I have is not related to stripping work. I don't do drugs at work because I am very profit oriented while there......
Oh, what's the point, I am ashamed I made this post. :ashamed:
Topaz
04-28-2004, 03:13 PM
there's no such thing as a 'joint decision' relationship...
the man still insists on having the last word...will still try to run the woman's life...while he does as he pleases....so i choose the female dominant lifestyle...to a certain extent...
because there's no way on God's green earth that i'm going to compromise my life for some man....just to have him walk away anyway...leaving me with regrets...
Kat...hang in there girl...you'll get through this just fine...
:hug:
tampafldancer
04-28-2004, 03:35 PM
top- its hard to find a man that doesn't have the last say. But their are those men out there that were raised correctly.
Pumpkin Pie
04-28-2004, 04:17 PM
Some women on this forum are into the "female dominant" lifestyle and other, such as Katrine, are into the "male dominant" lifestyle.
Ok, when did this become fact? I am no more into a male-dominant lifestyle than Gloria Steinem.
Seriously, being a couple is about making joint decisions that both can live with. The lifestyle I like living is where both opinions are respected and discussed then an agreeable compromise is reached.
When I mention that my man won't "let me" do something, its through a respectful request, not intimidation or domination.
We can only read what you write and not what you meant to write. Your usage of "won't let me" doesn't speak of respect for you and your decisions, but of control.
Obviously you don't know me, nor anyone else here...
True. We can only go by what you write.
...but I am a very dominant person naturally...
Your statements present a different picture of you.
But look at the situation empathically. If your girlfriend might have a problem with a substance that is prevalent in her place of employment, wouldn't you ask her to stay away, at least for the intermin time that she is trying to regain control of her lifestyle...
Asking to make that decision is quite different from not letting you make that decision.
Despite all of the stereotypes we aren't, why do you have to presume that I HAVE to be a stripper and that I can't go elsewhere.
Where in my public statements have I said this?
Pumpkin Pie
04-28-2004, 04:22 PM
there's no such thing as a 'joint decision' relationship...
the man still insists on having the last word...will still try to run the woman's life...while he does as he pleases....so i choose the female dominant lifestyle...to a certain extent...
Two wrongs do not make a right. And I'm sorry to hear you haven't met any good men in your life yet.
because there's no way on God's green earth that i'm going to compromise my life for some man....just to have him walk away anyway...leaving me with regrets...
So you want to be the one that makes the other compromise their life for you? Why is it wrong for a man to do this to you but right for you to do this to a man?
Topaz
04-28-2004, 04:31 PM
:thinking:
NOPE...I don't expect or demand for anyone to do what I won't do...I did say 'to a certain extent'...there are many different levels of Female Dominance...from limited to certain situations...to 24/7 'my way or the highway'...I just refuse to let a man run me...or try to rearrange me...been there....done that...still have the scars....never again...
NVJosh
04-28-2004, 05:00 PM
Kat,
Glad to hear things are getting patched up with you and the bf, and that doesn't change the fact that you have a problem that you need to address or it will just make things worse for you in the long run. I want to share one of my favorite things from program, I remember it always. Its called the Recovery Prayer.
"Today and everyday I pray to be ever mindful that recovery must be the most important thing in my life...without exception. I may believe muy job, my home life or one of many other things come first, but if I don't stay with the program, chances are I won't have a job, sanity or even life.
If I am convinced everything in my life depends on recovery, I have a much better chance of improving my life. If I put other things first, I am only hurting my chances."
Katrine
04-28-2004, 05:04 PM
Thank you Josh.
sol_de_pr2
04-28-2004, 05:12 PM
Yup, now that you're back with your bf, better start doing something about the drug problem.
Weluckyfew
04-29-2004, 12:43 AM
um...a little off topic, but there have been a few posts talking about "men want to control" and "men have to have the last word" - I just say that's your fault for not being picky enough about who you are with. I could bitch about shallow, flighty, self-centered women but I've fortunately learned to be picky so I don't have those types in my life and haven't for years.
It's not a "male" or "female" thing - it's a human thing. Some people are assholes and aren't worth your time. You have to be smart enough/strong enough to not get involved with those people.
erotictonic
04-29-2004, 01:14 AM
Coming from the point of view of someone who has experienced an abusive relationship, I despise hearing those words "he won't let me". Although I do see how he could be very upset that you were using coke, he has no right in the world to tell you what you can do with your life. It does appear from your posts that he is in the driver's seat of this relationship. You have given to him control to say what he wants you to do, and you will do it. It may be with only serious issues now, but more-than-likely he will take a little more until you are under his total control.
My bf ended up physically abusing me and mentally torturing me, and I said those words that very same way many, many times. "He won't let me". It makes me cringe.
IMO, this relationship will never last. It is embedded with lies, deceipt, and it is unequal. Unhappiness is emminent.
Pumpkin Pie
04-29-2004, 05:27 AM
It's not a "male" or "female" thing - it's a human thing. Some people are assholes and aren't worth your time. You have to be smart enough/strong enough to not get involved with those people.
I agree. Anyone that wants to consciously and purposely mentally and/or physically dominate another person is an asshole and has mental problems. Be that person a male or female. And it doesn't matter that the other is a willing victum. The willing victum is just as mentally messed up as their dictator. Nor does it matter that the dominator was once a victum. Just because someone abused you doesn't give you the right to abuse another. If you were abused, go and get some psychotherapy. Stop the cycle of abuse. Don't enlarge it.
Katrine
04-29-2004, 06:23 AM
Ya'll have noooooo idea, but thanks for your thoughts ;)
seraya
04-29-2004, 07:38 AM
This is a lil off topic and i don't know if it really relates to Kats situation.... just because her bf may want her to give up working, when he finds out about the drug issue, doesn't necessarly mean he is trying to control her...... it is natural if he become's a lil protective.
But in saying that i just have a few things i want to add....
um...a little off topic, but there have been a few posts talking about "men want to control" and "men have to have the last word" - I just say that's your fault for not being picky enough about who you are with. I could bitch about shallow, flighty, self-centered women but I've fortunately learned to be picky so I don't have those types in my life and haven't for years.
It's not a "male" or "female" thing - it's a human thing. Some people are assholes and aren't worth your time. You have to be smart enough/strong enough to not get involved with those people.
You took EVERY word right outta my mind!
"I just say that's your fault for not being picky enough about who you are with." ..... This is similar as to what i was trying to say in my last post, when i said "never settle for second best"
I also agree with lucky, about the "men wanting to control" thing..... NO ONE CAN CONTROL YOU IF YOU DO NOT ALLOW THEM TOO!
Women and men also, who allow others to manipulate and control them, usually have low self esteem, deep insecurities, issues with themselves ect.... You can not change the actions of another human being. It is when you deal with the personal issues you face, take charge of them and learn to love yourself, that you won't allow people like that into your life.... you'll realise you deserve better.
How many of you have been involved with the same manipuative, controling, abusive or just down right dis-repectful types of men/women, time and time again? I know i have been there. And then we will blame "all men" or "all women". But the truth is we are just falling into a pattern of going for the same types of ppl. They come in different colours, sizes etc so we think they are "different". Like i said, if you dont deal with your own issues, you will just keep falling back in to the same pattern of always going for the same, old, sorry types of men/women.... It becomes a vicious circle. I really believe in the saying that we "Attract mirror images of ourselves".
:soapbox: ok i'm done.
Seraya.
ATLDiscoLawyer420
04-29-2004, 08:43 AM
Coming from the point of view of someone who has experienced an abusive relationship, I despise hearing those words "he won't let me". Although I do see how he could be very upset that you were using coke, he has no right in the world to tell you what you can do with your life. It does appear from your posts that he is in the driver's seat of this relationship. You have given to him control to say what he wants you to do, and you will do it. It may be with only serious issues now, but more-than-likely he will take a little more until you are under his total control.
My bf ended up physically abusing me and mentally torturing me, and I said those words that very same way many, many times. "He won't let me". It makes me cringe.
IMO, this relationship will never last. It is embedded with lies, deceipt, and it is unequal. Unhappiness is emminent.
I agree with the the notions expressed in teh above post. That said, obviously none of us know more than you tell us, but tracking the thread, this might be one of those codependent relationships. I mean she did leave his ass at the club and ride off in the limo. Which is why he behaved as he did. Wanting to come back into a relationship where your SO treats you like that, for drugs or whatever other reason, shows me that he is as codependent as her in this relationship.
That said, after you are talking about moving, and how this guy is a somewhat controlling guy, that the relationship is over, etc etc, he 'wins you back' by dropping by with a pizza and porn? Now I don't pretend to know your relationship, but judging by what you have said and how you were happy with your freedom, possibilities at a new life (albeit a little lonely) but how can you cave so quickly, and do a 180 degree turn?
Editors note: Don't take me giving advice as me saying I am perfect either. I have my issues, as everyone does (and probably more than a lot!) and have been in codependendent relationships. It is MUCH esier to give advice than it is to follow it. So take my musings for what they are, an outsiders view into the situation as you ahve described it, and nothing more.
My :twocents:
Weluckyfew
04-29-2004, 09:58 AM
Ya'll have noooooo idea, but thanks for your thoughts ;)
I mentioned my posts were off topic i.e. they were not meant to comment on YOUR situation, just meant to comment of some of the opinions expressed here.
As for people making judgements on your entire relationship based on what you've written here, that's all they have to go on - I think if you go back and read your posts you'll see that maybe it looks worse than it probably is - going off your posts it went from he's telling me I can't dance in Austin to he dumped me and I'm devasted (need and love him) to I'm dating again to I'm going to leave Austin and move to a yet-to-be-determined city to we're back together and everything is fine. All in less than a week.
My opinion : on the one hand people are reacting to what you say (naturally) but on the other hand I think we all realize that obviously we're only seeing a small distorted sliver. When someone says "I think he's controlling you" i think they realize that what they're really saying is "Based on what you say I think it sounds contolling" but if you present them with more evidence that rounds out the picture they'll change their opinion accordingly.
Blade
04-29-2004, 02:30 PM
Kat good luck hun and the offer to be a shoulder for ya to vent to still stands.
Katrine
04-29-2004, 04:08 PM
Thanks Blade and everyone!
Well I'm off to NOLA :cloud9: this weekend for Jazzfest with a group of friends and to Houston for some booty shakin money makin next week, which should give me time to think about if I want to make this relationship work or not....
I can be with him and still travel the country, or move away. We would never be enemies. I don't think we are co-dependant people, we just like each other very much, and are not ready to let go, and I really need to keep up my end of the deal for it to work. But he is too forgiving, and he knows it, we all have our flaws....
I really appreciate the feedback, and you only have my word to say that this man is not controlling, domineering, or manipulative. That's my job! Hahahaha......J/K. We just have relationship problems like any couple, and I shared them with the world, I am sorry if I came across unclearly in any of the posts....
:chillpill:
ATLDiscoLawyer420
05-01-2004, 03:19 AM
Thanks Blade and everyone!
Well I'm off to NOLA :cloud9: this weekend for Jazzfest with a group of friends and to Houston for some booty shakin money makin next week, which should give me time to think about if I want to make this relationship work or not....
I can be with him and still travel the country, or move away. We would never be enemies. I don't think we are co-dependant people, we just like each other very much, and are not ready to let go, and I really need to keep up my end of the deal for it to work. But he is too forgiving, and he knows it, we all have our flaws....
I really appreciate the feedback, and you only have my word to say that this man is not controlling, domineering, or manipulative. That's my job! Hahahaha......J/K. We just have relationship problems like any couple, and I shared them with the world, I am sorry if I came across unclearly in any of the posts....
:chillpill:
Have another one of those? :chillpill:
Have fun. Jazzfest is a blast.