View Full Version : pet peeve--being rejected by the rejects
celeste_63
05-11-2004, 12:18 PM
It's important to be happy with the way you look. I am also. It just seems ironic to start the thread by implying how hot you are how dare a reject turn you down then end it by saying your body is "average, i guess"
But, you were just venting and I'm glad to hear you are able to see things from a different perspective
Was referring to my body type when I said "average,"--> I'm not skinny, petite, chubby, curvy, athletic...I'm average.
I think you understand where I was coming from on this topic. The one thing Chandler & I apparently agree on is that it's time to move on.
It's also lunch time...quesadillas anyone? :tongue:
Wwanderer
05-11-2004, 12:45 PM
Sorry to intrude on all this back-and-forth bashing, but fwiiw, the chance that I will "reject" a dancer's offer of a private dance depends a lot on why I am in the club.
If I am just there for an hour or two with no expectations of spending a lot of money or being back in the near future, I will accept a dance from any reasonably attractive looking and at least nominally friendly dancer who approaches me.
However, if I am looking to spend a long evening at the club and perhaps to return one or more additional times in the next several days or couple of weeks, then I am in a completely different mode of "shopping". In such situations (which are more and more common as I get older and can better afford it) I am looking to find a single dancer with which to spend the whole evening and, if things go well, to see as a regular return customer on future nights. I want to find whichever available dancer I will most enjoy spending time with, both dancing and talking/hanging-out. I want to find her as quickly as possible and start developing a "relationship" (the word is too strong, but maybe you know what I mean) and not waste time getting dances from or chatting with the ones that I will probably not see again. In this situation, I will decline a dance for almost any reason, big or small, that makes me think that a given dancer is not likely to be one that I would not enjoy spending a lot of with.
I don't know if my approach, as described above, is common, but I can see that it could seem a bit odd or confusing from a dancer's perspective.
-Ww
Madcap
05-11-2004, 12:45 PM
How long do you expect me to stay mad about what some anonymous people said on an Internet message board?
Not long, that's for sure.
If people come in to hate on Hot Chicks, the question is this: Are you getting anything out of it? If not, then don't let them hate on you for long. Try getting up at the first hesitation saying something like "Well, you know where to find me." Don't blow time and potential money on some guy (regardless of what he looks like) who 'isn't sure' about a dance. If he wants one, he'd go for the bait right off the bat. If not, he's either waiting on an ATF (Fine, but he should just damn well say so)), being too polite for the circumstance, playing hard to get (Dumb thing to do in a SC as it does no-one any favors except maybe feed his half-starved ego. What kind of an idiot plays fucking hard-to-get in a STRIP CLUB?????), totally new to the scene, or he's just downright dumb.
As for the game players, why don't you try playing their game right back at them? People out to mindfuck aren't usually the most adjusted human beings to be found anyways. Seems like they'd be easy for a half naked woman to fuck with. Soon as you realize he's playing some stupid chess game, mindfuck him right back.
Or, better yet, just find out who the game players are and iggy them in favor of the people who DO want dances. He hesitates, just leave and look for greener pastures.
I dunno, this isn't really my area. If I want a dance, i get it (or six), if I don't I say "Not at the moment, but i know where to find you" meaning, 'Go hustle. If I want one, i'll get one.' (Sometimes, especially just after I walk in the door, i just want to scope the place a little before buying any dances. I tend towards tipping the stages for the first hour or so).
Rayleen
05-11-2004, 12:56 PM
:chillpill: People geez!
She was just venting about something that takes some getting used to and understanding when you are a new dancer.
I gotta wonder how differnt this would have gone down if she had wrote it in the Vent section of the member boards instead of here :-\
tampafldancer
05-11-2004, 01:06 PM
ok.. 7.5 on hotornot SUCKS! Time for a reality check!
Gynger
05-11-2004, 01:35 PM
Celeste:
Rejection is just part of this business. Welcome to SW and don't take things so personally-part of this job is being able to realize that someone isn't always someone else's ideal-that's what the beauty is of this business. Keep a positive attitude and it will show through.
I am pretty blunt with my posts, I tell it how it is, sometimes people don't like it, but truthfully, life is too damn short to not say how you feel. But always mean what you say... otherwise, there is no point.
;)
Gynger
Blade
05-11-2004, 01:42 PM
Who do you think you are to address me like this? Have I at any point made a personal comment towards you or anyone else? I don't know where you think you are (the blue site perhaps?) but around here GIRLS rule, so show a little f*cking respect. I have only been dancing for a short while but I've been through a lot in my life and I don't take abuse from anyone.
Blah Blah Blah....Girls rule Boys drool.Yeah my 7 yr old says the same thing.
Where do I think I am? Let's see I think I'm on an internet message board for us employees of the stripclub industry....I mean I could be on a neo-nazi feminist,lets hang the guys by their balls and beat em till they sing the Canadian national anthem in Russian site, but I don't think I am.
Show a little f*cking respect? Hun I give respect where respect is due. I'm not trying to be abusive, or rude or mean...I'm being realistic(and a bit sarcastic)
I have seen this business destroy marriages, relationships and self esteem without blinking the proverbial eye. Usually women who think of themselves they way you seem to are severly lacking in self esteem and self cofidence and they end up using booze or drugs as a crutch on get onstage at night. Could I have responded to your post differently? Sure I could have, but that wouldn't have been doing you any justice.I am the cold hard reality of life and I'm here to set ya straight. I'm painfully blunt and honest and I think you needed to be taken off your high horse before you couldn't fit thru the door of the dressing room.
A 7.5 on hot or not? You're cute but not all that in my opinion....and personality makes up for or takes away from looks in a lot of ways.
Now that thats over with welcome to Stripperweb.
Madcap
05-11-2004, 02:12 PM
Celeste, why not move this to ladies only if all you want is the female opinion. Just PM Girlfriday or Pryce. Post it out here and you'll get men. But I can't promise you and warmer a reception (Trust me, hun, i've had thirty times worse... and probably deserved it...... okay, hell, no probably about it).
celeste_63
05-11-2004, 02:33 PM
Celeste, why not move this to ladies only if all you want is the female opinion. Just PM Girlfriday or Pryce. Post it out here and you'll get men. But I can't promise you and warmer a reception (Trust me, hun, i've had thirty times worse... and probably deserved it...... okay, hell, no probably about it).
::shrugs:: It seems like the worst is over...no point in moving it now. Anyway despite the negativity I DID get some good feedback. I mostly wanted to know if there were other girls out here who felt like I do and if you go back to the first page or two of this thread there ARE some, so I am not alone.
*hakuna matata*
~no worries~
celeste, I didnt take your post the wrong way. I think I know what you mean... the guys who would drool over you in the street are the guys who turn you down in a stripclub and its annoying. (in a way you take it personal when you are new) but dont worry about it...as you get better and dance longer, you will not take it as personal. :) Good luck hun
VenusGoddess
05-11-2004, 03:04 PM
In my opinion, the guys who drool over me in the street are the exact same guys that get dances from me in the club. Sure, there are some guys that decline a dance with you...and I am sure that it is not because they are "trying to bring you down". You simply don't fulfill their idea of a fantasy that night. The more courteous you are towards someone who declines a dance increases the chances that they will not decline later. That is why it is so important to smile, let them know you'll be back to check on them later, and walk on to the next customer. I actually do go back and check on them. 9 times out of 10 they will get a dance. Usually because they feel that you "remembered" them. :D
And, please don't think that they don't think you have an "attitude". People have an uncanny knack for knowing when someone is looking down their nose at them, even if the person isn't physically doing it. If you are thinking "I can't believe this reject is rejecting me" after a turn-down, you are putting out those vibes. People pick up on those. Next time, just smile and think, "Ok, NEXT!!" :D You'll probably find that people become more and more open to you.
Welcome to the SW and good luck!
Madcap
05-11-2004, 03:11 PM
Venus, If you are hot guys will drool over you in the street. It's in the guy resume. Maybe they won't make a show, but they'll damn well give a second or third (or fourth, or fifth) look.
Trust me, it's often purely instinctive. It's like the hand of god reaches down and turns your head towards the hot chick. We have no control over that, we might come to our higher senses in a sec, but damn it, those breasts are like Oddyseus's lotus flower! It's like snake charming.
You wouldn't believe what self control comes into iggying the perfect 10 down the hall.
erotictonic
05-11-2004, 04:57 PM
I agree with Rayanna and Lexi. Sounds like you guys are taking your frustrations out on her to make up for the strippers in the clubs who looked down their nose at you, or didn't give you the time of day. You know who you are. You guys need to chill the fuck out. You don't know what it's like to be a newbie in this business. Celeste, next time post in Ladies Only. And freakychandler you are being a real asshole. There's no point in out-right insulting her. She already puts up with enough of that in the clubs.
The girls have given some good advice here, as usual. ;)
VenusGoddess
05-11-2004, 05:07 PM
Venus, If you are hot guys will drool over you in the street. It's in the guy resume. Maybe they won't make a show, but they'll damn well give a second or third (or fourth, or fifth) look.
Trust me, it's often purely instinctive. It's like the hand of god reaches down and turns your head towards the hot chick. We have no control over that, we might come to our higher senses in a sec, but damn it, those breasts are like Oddyseus's lotus flower! It's like snake charming.
You wouldn't believe what self control comes into iggying the perfect 10 down the hall.
Huh?? I don't understand...I said that I found that guys who drool over me in the street are the same guys that spend money on me in the club (except for, of course, the Adonises). Did you misread what I said or am I missing something that you are saying?
LoveSexMoney
05-11-2004, 06:21 PM
he's obviously iggying the perfect 10 down the office hall. *snicker*
Darren
05-11-2004, 06:53 PM
Great pic celeste. I don't know about the hotornot rating as it just one pic, and it is so subjective. Besides most of these guys here (self included) only wish we were as attractive as you are. You look beautiful to me.
But as a perfect example, you also look really young in that picture, maybe as young as 18 or early 20s, and based on that alone I probably would say no if you asked me if I wanted a dance in a club. This would have nothing to do with you at all, and nothing to do with your appearance. It would be because I recently turned 40 and I prefer the company of women a little closer to my own age (e.g., Im comfortable with women in their early 30s, but women in their teens-early 20s - makes me feel like Im with someone that could be my daughter). There ya go, just one of those little things that matter to me (the customer) and have absolutely nothing to do with the dancer. As I said in the previous post, no guy likes hurting a dancers feelings, but we can't say yes to every dancer. We pick and choose based on a variety of things, and you just can't be all things to all men.
big_daddy
05-11-2004, 07:55 PM
I have to know one thing. Do you get as mad when a good looking skinny guy who could have any woman he wanted rejects any of you?
doc-catfish
05-11-2004, 08:41 PM
Sounds like you guys are taking your frustrations out on her to make up for the strippers in the clubs who looked down their nose at you, or didn't give you the time of day. You know who you are. You guys need to chill the fuck out. You don't know what it's like to be a newbie in this business.
True, I'll never know what that's like, but I know exactly what its like to sit on the other side of that tip rail and get second class treatment over something that is not my fault and that I cannot help.
Again, I can understand why Celeste would have problems with rejection in general, or rejection from customers who have come to club specifically to behave in a cruel manner. That's hard on anyone's nerves. I'm still puzzled on why from customers who aren't asthetically unpleasing.
As for ranting on the boards (or what board this thread should have been placed), hey that's what they're here for. Just don't expect to post something in a public forum and expect others to kiss your boo boo and tell you what you want to hear. I've always felt constructive criticism was more beneficial than uncontructive ass kissing.
Posting this in LO would have shut out male opinions, but would have otherwise made no difference. May I point out that you gals can get a bit hair trigger on each other when a particular member gets a little too pretentious with what they post.
http://www.stripperweb.com/forum/index.php/stripperweb/stripping/exotic-dancer/t8947.html
In short, we guys don't like being called "rejects" any more than you gals like being called "stupid". I think in both these threads, some controlled hostility was bound to happen.
Since this has more of less become a thread on self esteem, let me share something that I found (on ASPD of all places):
Far too many (both ladies and gentlemen) in this industry have WAY too little self esteem. Unfortunately, many of the great people on this site, have little idea of how great they really are.
...and I think that pretty much goes for the SW/SCJ community as well. So lets all play nice. Okay?
:peace:
polecat
05-11-2004, 09:19 PM
In short, we guys don't like being called "rejects" any more than you gals like being called "stupid". I think in both these threads, some controlled hostility was bound to happen.
That's the entire problem.. too many people have tried to "bend" her original post to somehow fit a context into themselves, then go off spewing about something totally different.
She recognized and affirmed that normal rejection is cool by her.. she even identified and praised the nice, sweet customer and stated guys like that "make the job worthwhile", etc.etc. It was specifically towards those that hesitate, hem-and-haw or as she put it: "as though he wants me to feel really grateful that he is gracing me with his cash.". It was even pre-texted with a mini-rant disclaimer.
Then everyone from coast to coast jumps in here and suddenly bends themselves into that reject mold then attacks. sigh. Truth being, I doubt there are ANY gentleman (or ladies) here that fit into her description. That quotient usually trolls ASPD or local/extras forums and bring a nice chip on their shoulder with them into the clubs. Most of the men here either work/have-worked in the biz, or at least know one or more strippers "behind the glitter" and some understanding of the job. It just seems to me to be evolving into a pathos satiation session of using this poor woman as the outlet.
Obviously, normal rejection chips away at newer dancers and there is obviously some of that involved too, but I fail to see how requests for pics and public humiliation references offer much support to help someone grow from this. This coupled with how usually overbearing outward 'conceitedness' is generally a result of the opposite in reality- those that have to verbally confirm their hotness constantly generally have stronger, reality based self-esteem issues of the reverse.
And yes, of course the source of rejection DOES alter how one recovers from such. Come on guys, let's get real here. If you are rejected from a rather unattractive woman at a bar, it's a totally different feeling from rejection from an attractive woman. One is hard to fathom, the other is more acceptable. The trick is to let neither effect one's self-esteem, and pick yourself back up and carry on.
sander8son
05-11-2004, 11:03 PM
And yes, of course the source of rejection DOES alter how one recovers from such. Come on guys, let's get real here. If you are rejected from a rather unattractive woman at a bar, it's a totally different feeling from rejection from an attractive woman. One is hard to fathom, the other is more acceptable. The trick is to let neither effect one's self-esteem, and pick yourself back up and carry on.
yah, if i offered to fuck her for free.... if i was shot down in my offer to spend 4 minutes with her for $20, i wouldn't be all that hurt regardless of how she rejected me.
celeste_63
05-12-2004, 08:11 AM
Great pic celeste. I don't know about the hotornot rating as it just one pic, and it is so subjective. Besides most of these guys here (self included) only wish we were as attractive as you are. You look beautiful to me.
But as a perfect example, you also look really young in that picture, maybe as young as 18 or early 20s, and based on that alone I probably would say no if you asked me if I wanted a dance in a club.
Thank you for the compliment! I know I look very young--when I go out, people generally assume I am 17-18 years old. I turned 22 in March but have no problem being thought of as younger. Usually people are impressed that I look like a teenager but am plenty mature (I've been down the rougher roads).
It seems this discussion has taken a turn for the better. I am actually getting something CONSTRUCTIVE from what you guys are saying, as opposed to being insulted & misunderstood.
No, I didn't expect to get a bunch people kissing my boo-boos. I'm a big girl and I wouldn't get involved in this industry if I was looking for a mommy; I know damn well nobody is here to take care of me. But I thought the attack on my character was unnecessary. I get enough bullshit from people as work, I come on here for advice and support.
Anyway, I return to work on Saturday, and after that it will be full-time. I'm sure the "rejection from the rejects" will become less of an issue as I lose my newbie-ness and become a seasoned pro. :flirt:
Blade
05-12-2004, 09:18 AM
It seems this discussion has taken a turn for the better. I am actually getting something CONSTRUCTIVE from what you guys are saying, as opposed to being insulted & misunderstood.
No, I didn't expect to get a bunch people kissing my boo-boos. I'm a big girl and I wouldn't get involved in this industry if I was looking for a mommy; I know damn well nobody is here to take care of me. But I thought the attack on my character was unnecessary. I get enough bullshit from people as work, I come on here for advice and support.
Anyway, I return to work on Saturday, and after that it will be full-time. I'm sure the "rejection from the rejects" will become less of an issue as I lose my newbie-ness and become a seasoned pro. :flirt:
I can assure you my response was far from an attack on your character.
I apologize for how vicious it may have seemed, I'm having a bad week and am lashing out without thought.
Eh enuff said.
erotictonic
05-12-2004, 09:29 AM
In short, we guys don't like being called "rejects" any more than you gals like being called "stupid". I think in both these threads, some controlled hostility was bound to happen.
That's the entire problem.. too many people have tried to "bend" her original post to somehow fit a context into themselves, then go off spewing about something totally different.
She recognized and affirmed that normal rejection is cool by her.. she even identified and praised the nice, sweet customer and stated guys like that "make the job worthwhile", etc.etc. It was specifically towards those that hesitate, hem-and-haw or as she put it: "as though he wants me to feel really grateful that he is gracing me with his cash.". It was even pre-texted with a mini-rant disclaimer.
Then everyone from coast to coast jumps in here and suddenly bends themselves into that reject mold then attacks. sigh. Truth being, I doubt there are ANY gentleman (or ladies) here that fit into her description. That quotient usually trolls ASPD or local/extras forums and bring a nice chip on their shoulder with them into the clubs. Most of the men here either work/have-worked in the biz, or at least know one or more strippers "behind the glitter" and some understanding of the job. It just seems to me to be evolving into a pathos satiation session of using this poor woman as the outlet.
Obviously, normal rejection chips away at newer dancers and there is obviously some of that involved too, but I fail to see how requests for pics and public humiliation references offer much support to help someone grow from this. This coupled with how usually overbearing outward 'conceitedness' is generally a result of the opposite in reality- those that have to verbally confirm their hotness constantly generally have stronger, reality based self-esteem issues of the reverse.
And yes, of course the source of rejection DOES alter how one recovers from such. Come on guys, let's get real here. If you are rejected from a rather unattractive woman at a bar, it's a totally different feeling from rejection from an attractive woman. One is hard to fathom, the other is more acceptable. The trick is to let neither effect one's self-esteem, and pick yourself back up and carry on.
My sentiments exactly. As usual, a clear, rational, mature, tolerant, and realistic viewpoint from PC.... :highfive:
celeste_63
05-12-2004, 11:28 AM
It seems this discussion has taken a turn for the better. I am actually getting something CONSTRUCTIVE from what you guys are saying, as opposed to being insulted & misunderstood.
No, I didn't expect to get a bunch people kissing my boo-boos. I'm a big girl and I wouldn't get involved in this industry if I was looking for a mommy; I know damn well nobody is here to take care of me. But I thought the attack on my character was unnecessary. I get enough bullshit from people as work, I come on here for advice and support.
Anyway, I return to work on Saturday, and after that it will be full-time. I'm sure the "rejection from the rejects" will become less of an issue as I lose my newbie-ness and become a seasoned pro. :flirt:
I can assure you my response was far from an attack on your character.
I apologize for how vicious it may have seemed, I'm having a bad week and am lashing out without thought.
Eh enuff said.
Apology accepted and greatly appreciated.
vegasvixen1
05-13-2004, 12:48 PM
All i have to say is GOOD LUCK ON THIS BOARD. you will need it because you like to express your own opinions....they dont like that too much here. (with the exception of a very select few, PC is one of them)
hey VegasVix do u still stand by your opinion that those pow pics are fakes :alien:
::)