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Bridgette
06-19-2004, 03:15 AM
Just my opinion, Kat, but fuck him. If you can't be you and be loved and accepted with your family then they don't deserve to be your family.


This is the way I feel too, but I realize it's up to the individual to make that call. It's a hard line and I'd never expect someone who doesn't feel that to follow it.

Kat, hun, I am glad you are feeling better and I do think he'll most likely come around in time. Just give it time, live your life the best you know how, don't let yourself have any regrets. In the meantime ya still got us! :hug:

anonymous1
06-19-2004, 03:56 AM
:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

I am so sorry! I wish I could say something to make you feel better, but I prob can't. Just know that everyone here is supporting you!

SportsWriter2
06-19-2004, 05:38 AM
Kat, Your father may have reacted out of fear for your health and safety. The media has offered images of dancers sliding into the subculture and becoming coke whores.

Melonie offered good advice. Explain to him exactly what is involved (and what is NOT involved) with your dancing. Put the note inside a Father's Day card. Tell him you're health-conscious, that you have a career plan, and that you still love him no matter what.

Your network of friends will help you through this. You have to be impressed with the number and quality of responses in this thread. We all love you. :D

I've had two favorites go through this cycle. One has reconciled with her father. The other still has a long way to go, but she uses the sadness to motivate herself in school. She wants to see her father bawl his eyes out at her college graduation.

A.n.a.l.a.
06-19-2004, 12:58 PM
You know what really sucks? You'll never see a post on here from a guy saying "My parents found out I go to strip clubs and pay strippers to dance for me. I've lost my family forever!"

I just don't understand why it's acceptable to be on that end of the transaction >:(


exactly! why is it always us (we?) women who are punsihed for expressing anything connected to being sexual creautures but men can get away with it? if a high school boy sleeps around, he's the man. but if a girl sleeps around, she's a slut. so wrong. kat, girl, you don't need them. you didn't do anything wrong to warrant such treatment. it's not like you killed a kid or set a dog on fire. you dance. that's all. you're probably still cool beans overall. :)

SaraNLA
06-19-2004, 01:55 PM
I'm so sorry Kat. He handled that so poorly. You are amazing the way you've handled things -- you seem really in control of your half of the situation. (Can't say that for him, huh.)

It sounds like you've always been successful and given him so much to be proud of. He needs to stop focusing on all the things you "do" and focus on you. I mean, how can he say he loves YOU if he lets a stupid job get in the way? Does he love you or the jobs you take/your progress in life based on some 'standard'? Oh, it's definitely normal for him to be concerned, but the real problem seems to be that he's one of those typical parents who gets so much pride in their kid's "successes" that they can't see in the end, that's not what matters.

Hang tight, love. You owe no apologies for who you are. :queen:

Pisces3x3
06-19-2004, 04:12 PM
Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow!!!


:dance:

Samantha_Ray
06-19-2004, 04:39 PM
I went through the same thing with my family, this is what I did, I wrote a letter explaining why, what, how I got started and outlined eveything in my job description, I also added that I did not provide any extra's in detail and I was not a drug user, I put all the stereotypes to rest and also invited everyone to come down and see me at work I also added that I was not ashamed of my job and enjoyed the freedom and creativity and independence that this provided me. The next step was to send out copies to all family and friends I felt needed to know and those who would be judgemental. It took exactly 3 weeks for my family to start getting in touch with me and I have been told that although they don't agree with my job they will love me no matter what. Hang in there hon it can't get any worse!!

MissTaylor
06-19-2004, 05:16 PM
Kat, I thought Velvet Revolvers was Monday night?? My bf wanted to go but had to work :( Ya'll can sulk together ;)

BIG HUGS for you. After reading one of your posts I feel bad that I wasn't able to go to Houston to work with you because if I had then you would of stayed in a hotel and your friend could of been careless there all she wanted :( I gotta suck it up and work down there sometime!

06-20-2004, 12:40 AM
I'm going to disagree with anyone who is telling her that she doesn't need her family, and to "fuck them". She seems close to her family, and this is devastating. The emotions you are experiencing right now, Kat, are not unlike what you would go through if there were a death in the family. If you are close to them, then you have to smooth it all back over. Given the immigration situation, I suspect your father has two things - one is a misunderstanding of what this job entails for you. The other may be a certain level or type of "pride" that has been hurt...and this may be due to cultural differences.

Do not just say "fuck him" over a job if he means that much to you.

SCGirl
06-21-2004, 01:28 PM
Oh honey.....I know how hard it must be for you. Heck my dad nearly disowned me because I moved out last year and left him "alone" to "raise" my sister (she was 17 but they don't get along--he kept saying he needed my help with her even though my being there always seemed to make things worse). Parents can be like that. It's easy to be hurt or disappointed by your kids--they are just so close to you--no one else can affect you so deeply. I doubt he really thinks your a whore--he probably has no idea what your job involves (I'd sit down and tell him about it). He just wants the best for you.

I'm just happy that I can be here and be supportive of my little sister who just started dancing. I know exactly what goes on in the club and I know the people she's interacting with everyday. I know all the bad stuff and all the good stuff that comes with the job. I don't see her as being any different now as opposed to before. Yes, I admit, I was worried she'd be corrupted, wouldn't be able to handle it, or might get abused/manhandled--but I trust her to make her own decisions, I trust the people she works with to keep her safe, and I stay as open as I can be so if she ever needs to come to me for any reason, she can. I know that what she does is HER business and so I help her out and lend a hand while keeping my mouth shut and not telling everyone I run into about her chosen line of work. I love her and I will always love her no matter what.

Just remember sweetheart....you don't have JUST your biological family! You have us too--we are your family! I know that if I ever encountered anyone in your position and they needed help, I would gladly do anything I could for them--and that goes for you too. I hope that you and everyone else on here knows that if they ever need a friend, someone to talk to, or even a place to stay, I'm here. Sometimes we can't rely on our "family" even though we are supposed to be able to....that's why people need to help people--blood relations or not.

We all love you honey--when you hurt, we hurt. I'm sure that I don't just speak for myself when I say that if you need ANYTHING, we're here for you. Thing's will get better soon....don't worry! :) :-*

Devastating Divyne
06-21-2004, 03:17 PM
They are trying to compensate for what they feel is their failure as parents by disowning you. They assume they failed b/c you lived your life mainstream and did the whole college/degree thing and they were happy, but they feel as if they must have been inadequate or ineffectual somewhere for you to choose this line of work when you have education. No one likes to admit to or face up to failure, it is even worse for a parent. Honey, they feel as if they did something or everything wrong because of what you choose to do. They are unable to deal with this issue, so they pass the pain and feeling of failure off to you through disowning you. Right now you feel that pain that they passed, but honestly your parents probably feel worse than you and are attempting to mitigate their feelings by doing this. Try to give it time since time heals the majority of wounds and see. If not, this is a good time to learn to rely on your strength of character to withstand this whole ordeal. Best wishes.

AinNY
06-22-2004, 05:56 AM
They are trying to compensate for what they feel is their failure as parents by disowning you. They assume they failed b/c you lived your life mainstream and did the whole college/degree thing and they were happy, but they feel as if they must have been inadequate or ineffectual somewhere for you to choose this line of work when you have education. No one likes to admit to or face up to failure, it is even worse for a parent. Honey, they feel as if they did something or everything wrong because of what you choose to do. They are unable to deal with this issue, so they pass the pain and feeling of failure off to you through disowning you. Right now you feel that pain that they passed, but honestly your parents probably feel worse than you and are attempting to mitigate their feelings by doing this. Try to give it time since time heals the majority of wounds and see. If not, this is a good time to learn to rely on your strength of character to withstand this whole ordeal. Best wishes.


Great post....i agree with DD

I know the feeling...i was practically disowned by my mother not too long ago. Obivously not for what i do....but for who i loved. Apparantly it was not OK for me to love a black girl. I was close to getting kicked out of the house. I hardly spoke to my mom for almost 2 years(we used to be really close). The relationship I had with my mom is not the same nor will it ever be.

We cant choose our family...of course we will always love them. But in the end you have to do whats best for you and what you know is right in your heart. Your family is important, but they are not you. I would never give into what my mother thought, b/c i knew i was right. I wont change who I am for anyone, even my mother.

Sorry you have to go through it. I know how hard it is. I wish you the best and hope it all works out for you as soon as possilbe. Be Strong :grouphug:

scarlett_vancouver
06-22-2004, 06:40 AM
I'm really sorry to hear this Katrine...it's what I've been dreading for a few years now, and I know one day I'll be in your shoes.

I don't know what to say..I've made plans for what to do if/when my parents find out, and it includes introducing them to my agent, some of my more 'responsible' dancer friends, and showing them the dancer forum (not this one) that I post on quite frequently, as it has a lot of back posts of mine that express my feeling of being a dancer, why I don't feel like i'm being degraded, how dancing has helped me get ahead etc. Maybe you could try something similar? If he/they will give you the chance, that is.

:(

You are not wrong here, don't forget that.

Bridgette
06-22-2004, 06:47 AM
Divyne that is an excellent and insightful post.

writerguy
06-22-2004, 09:51 AM
Hang in there. I am a father and I have a daughter that possibly in 15 years could say she wants to be a stripper. I would support her and be there if she ever needed help. You are the master of your destiny and as long as you have a vision as to where you are going in life thats cool.
I believe that if you use your brains as well as your beauty to make money, you'll go far in this world.
I think that in time your family will open up their arms again and welcome you.

toxicgirl
06-23-2004, 01:20 AM
kat, that so sucks ass! >:( my family put me in state run mental hospitals when i was young to not have to deal with me. they did it in a different way. sort of like disowning, but more or less they pretended they 'cared' and it was for my 'well being'. so it made them 'look good'.

i'm very far away from them (cross country). we still talk regularly but they don't know where i live in the city, etc. but i am still afraid they will find out.

:hug: yea...think ya needed 1 of those 2