View Full Version : what not to do during sex

Pages : [1] 2

11-20-2003, 04:40 PM
Since this board has turned into a sex forum, I was curious for answers to the query "What should men or women not do during sex?"

Here are some of my thoughts:
1. When you first start kissing, do not open mouth as wide as it will go as if you are trying to inhale your partner.

2. When Mr. Happy goes limp mid coitus, do not keep pumping away thinking " she won't notice if I just keep moving" For some reason this just seems comical and it is not good to have the woman laughing at this point.

Any other tidbits and advice out there??

11-20-2003, 05:31 PM
Dont let your wife know where you are at.

11-21-2003, 12:42 AM
DON'T fall asleep, I've gotten' in trouble for that one! Ok, it was a good excuse though, I was drunk! Sheesh, go figure! :P

11-21-2003, 01:31 AM
Don't moan, whine, yell or make other noises during sex. It may sound as if you've seen too many porno flicks ;D

11-21-2003, 02:06 AM
Don't accidently call out your ATF's name while being pleasured by the wife/GF. That's why words like "honey" "sweetie" and "snookums" were put in the dictionary. ::)

Susan Wayward
11-21-2003, 03:26 AM
Dont let your wife know where you are at.

ha ha ha!

11-21-2003, 06:09 AM
Don't get caught sneaking a peak at the TV

Don't forget that there are area's of the body that are only to be treated nicely, mind knees and elbows when changing positions. This will help eliminate the possibility of your partner rolling around on the floor yelping in pain, serious mood killer.

Don't use a headboard of a footboard for extra traction unless you are sure that it won't break. Especially in your friends house.

Referring to the last, If it does break don't give your friend the dumbass line "Dude, I guess i kicked it out while I was asleep." Do expect to get hazed for many years to come if you get caught in this situation.

11-21-2003, 06:26 AM
Don’t stop and introduce a wallaby in the middle of sex. Always clear any wallaby participation with your partner prior to the session.

Don’t let your partner get spoiled, especially if you leave him/her out all night on the counter. Don’t forget to refrigerate him/him...keeps em fresher.

Don't fill a bathtub full of chocolate pudding and invite Bill Cosby over.

If your partner is missing two or more limbs, never say "Oh you make me hot, Stubby". That can be construed as being a tad insensitive.

NEVER NEVER NEVER swallow your partner's pet goldfish just before sex. I can't tell you how awkward that can be,

Just a few friendly PJ helpful hints.

11-21-2003, 07:31 AM
Don't moan, whine, yell or make other noises during sex. It may sound as if you've seen too many porno flicks ;D

i couldnt be quiet if i tried. wow carlos you must have some boring sex... sorry couldnt resist ;)

11-21-2003, 07:35 AM

You guys are so funny !

11-21-2003, 07:59 AM
If I can't watch tv during sex, I guess I won't be having sex anytime soon!!! :(

11-21-2003, 08:28 AM
Don't let the rope get all tangled up....

11-21-2003, 09:05 AM
* Don't tickle

* Don't pull out and jerk off on her face unless the camera is rolling

* Don't start it if you're too drunk to end it

* Don't refuse to do anything she wants to do, and be prepared - that means ANYTHING

* Don't let her rip your toupee off.

* Don't leave for the bathroom for first aid medicaction to close the scratch marks until she's done

* Don't finish before she does and walk out to get a

* Don't reach over and take a bite of that anchovie pizza.

*Don't film it and show your friends, saying "Isn't she hot?" And don't sell the film on the internet.

*Don't say "Thanks for the extra. How much will that be?"

* Don't leave a tip on her night stand.

* Don't take a cell phone call in the middle of sex, or at least stay within your alloted minutes.

* Don't take you teeth out before you start saying, "I want to make sure I don't hurt you."

* Don't say, "Is this what they call cellulite?"

* Don't pinch her vagina together and try to whistle.

* Don't call your dog up on the bed so he can watch better.

11-21-2003, 11:28 AM
During sex, don't ever say: "An Error Has Occured! Unable to open."


11-21-2003, 11:31 AM
Don't die during sex

11-21-2003, 11:45 AM
Never tell your S.O. she isn't doing something the right way. The response might be: "Where are you getting it done the right way?"


11-21-2003, 02:07 PM
no matter how tired you are, DON'T fall asleep mid-fuck. it won't go over very well (not to mention hurt your partners self estime....) :-/

11-21-2003, 11:34 PM
Never scream out your ATF's name while cuming, unless of course, you're with your ATF ;)

11-22-2003, 03:03 AM
Never float an air biscuit while doing the deed.

Between the smell and the two of you laughing incessantly, it WILL kill the mood (unless you have a fetish for that sort of thing in which case I really don't wanna know). [bye]

11-22-2003, 05:05 AM
When dangeling from the ceiling, never never ask "What's this rope for"? at the same time you're pulling it. [winky]

When doing it "doggy style", be sure the dog is out of the room. :-X

11-22-2003, 05:31 AM
Not sure what happened to Part 1 of this thread so I'll repost :)

Since this board has turned into a sex forum-I am curious as to the answer to this query--What should men and women not do during sex?

When Mr. Happy goes limp mid coitus, do not keep going thinking "she won't notice if I just keep moving" this seems comical somehow and it's not a good time to make her laugh.

When you first start kissing don't open your mouth as wide as it will go as if you are trying to inhale your partner.

Realize your parameters--I have fallen off the end of the bed in weird positions :D

11-22-2003, 05:48 AM
Let's see, lately it would have to be, make sure you've got extra batteries handy in case they die at crucial moment. ;)

11-22-2003, 05:54 AM
What's the three words you never want to hear while making love? Honey, I'm home."

11-22-2003, 09:44 AM
Be careful Naomi you know if you put the Energizer in backwards they keep coming and coming:)

11-22-2003, 10:00 AM
Never start thinking about work...guaranteed to cause the condition described by Jenny :-/

11-22-2003, 10:05 AM
Never start fanticizing about your ATF's cookie while engaged in oral with your SO. You might slip and say...Honey I thought you were an Innie :o Bad move

11-22-2003, 11:01 AM
Never wave at the miniature video camera that you have hidden in the ceiling fan!

11-22-2003, 04:30 PM
Never wave at the miniature video camera that you have hidden in the ceiling fan!
;D Love you, Bonedaddy! So Funny! You better come in and see me at the Yellow Rose soon! Will you be coming to Austin for Christmas? I have been very good :-*

11-22-2003, 08:10 PM
Don't tell her her ass is smaller than her sisters when she's bent over that way.

11-23-2003, 01:00 PM
Topic recovered. The original was corrupted due to a server error.

11-23-2003, 02:57 PM
Don't bounce up and down on all fours in a playful manner especially if the bed has a wooden frame. You aren't a 30 pound kid anymore. LOL.
It just sucks when the bed breaks before the action even starts. ::)

11-23-2003, 05:31 PM
Topic recovered. The original was corrupted due to a server error.

Never allow your partner to be corrupted by a server error. If that happens, well.. find Pryce as soon as possible.

02-10-2004, 11:15 AM
You guys crack me up!!

I laugh EVERYTIME I or my partner farts during sex! I get so hysterical and he&#039;s always trying to get serious with me again before I kill the mood or else he gets a floppy! The harder he tries, the funnier it is ! LOL, I&#039;m terrible!! ;D

02-17-2004, 01:18 PM
Ok I&#039;ll admit it, I&#039;m guilty of the following:

-Falling asleep, it was only once and I can&#039;t even tell you how drunk I was. It was good till I fell asleep, I think. I was in big trouble with him when I woke up.

-As for moaning and yelling Carlos, go ahead put me in a porn because I&#039;ll keep up with them all. ;D

-Watching T.V. not that I&#039;m not all for sex all the time whenever but it was the fourth quarter in the Final Four, come on people you&#039;d want to see it too.

Now on to my things not to do.

*Make sure there is ample room between the wall and your head.

*Make sure the window is closed in your bedroom before going at it, especially if your live in apartments.

*Keep condoms, lubes, and toys within reaching distance no matter what position your in.

*Make sure all aforemention items (also undergarments) are replaced to their proper places before parents, children, or friends stop by.

*(For all the people into S&M) Do not kill your partner.

*In the heat of the moment, make sure not to leave conspicuous marks, like on their face.

*Clean up all edibles when your done and make sure you get ALL of them.

That&#039;s all I can think of for now but I&#039;m sure I&#039;ll come up with more.


02-17-2004, 11:11 PM
What not to do during sex...

Leave me all hot and horned up in bed to check on SW and SCJ... :P (yeah, it&#039;s happend more than once ;) )

02-18-2004, 01:47 AM
If you have offered to give the woman oral sex..

DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT try to get her into a 69 position with your penis in her face within the first 20 seconds of starting the p*s licking....don&#039;t be an Indian giver!!!

Meow! (Kat&#039;s biggest hands down pet peeve)

03-28-2004, 01:23 AM
don&#039;t fall off the bed!

03-28-2004, 01:25 AM
don&#039;t have an orgasm before any clothes have come off, lol

03-28-2004, 06:43 AM
Make sure the both of you have an orgasm. if one of you finishes first, aleast be courteous enough to help your partner reach a climax. if i accidentally cum first i will offer to give oral or whatever she suggest. if she cums first and lets me know shes cumming i will get even more aroused. unless it is an emergency, like if somebody decides to come visit unexpectedly, i can wait until later. but i usually make sure she is pleased. (NO. 1 priority for me)

i feel alot better know that i can please somebody. big ego boost

03-28-2004, 07:34 AM
Switch the channel on the remote!


03-31-2004, 01:09 PM
Make sure you kicked the cat off the bed first!

03-31-2004, 06:24 PM
What&#039;s that cat doing in your bed Josh :o.

04-01-2004, 09:19 AM
One more: Watch out for those rug burns! I learned my lesson this weekend.


04-01-2004, 01:26 PM
What&#039;s that cat doing in your bed Josh :o.

Our amazingly co-dependent cat sleeps on the bed with us...and comes in very handy when my allergies are acting up and I&#039;m not able to locate a tissue quickly.

05-19-2004, 08:46 AM
Dont let your wife know where you are at.

:rotfl: :rotfl:

05-19-2004, 08:49 AM

Don&#039;t feel bad,I have fallen asleep more than once ! I know thats so sad..

05-20-2004, 05:29 AM
I think the following comics perfectly fit the topic here.... ;D they go in order....http://www.sexylosers.com/087.html




08-15-2004, 11:57 AM
The thing, I often have to battle to avoid, is asking the Woman to get Married right at the point of Ejaculation. I have to struggle to avoid asking that question.

08-28-2004, 03:49 PM
lol funny thread.

01-28-2005, 10:48 PM
I am guilty of sleeping during sex, however, I had a cold and I took Night Quil 2x to ensure that I would sleep...then he got horny. I only knew cause of the burning from the latex the next morning:

DON'T keep latex condoms in the night stand if you don't plan on using them (especially if your allergic)!