View Full Version : Features

03-15-2003, 12:58 AM
(the set-up) mr_punk enters a stripclub,finds a seat and is approached by a dancer.

dancer: hi. my name is sophia.

mr_punk: hello sophia (hmmm....not really my type)

dancer: do you mind if i sit down.

mr_punk: actually, i'm waiting on someone,sophia.

dancer: really? you must be waiting for Roxy Cox.

mr_punk: (uh-oh, she's jumping the script). who??

dancer: you know, tonight's feature dancer.

mr_punk: (a feature dancer??? DAMN!!!) uhhhh....yeah. roxy cox,i'm a really big fan. i have all her movies.

dancer: i don't think she performed in any movies,just magazine spreads. she won the Miss Southern Nude Universe Snowmobile Horseback Riding Skateboarding Midget Redhead,USA title last year.

mr_punk: (WTF???) huh...oh sure,that's what i meant to say.

there are two reasons why i tend to ignore feature dancers. the first reason is because once they get on stage, everything within the club is centered around her performance. for example,the dancers,for the most part stop moving around the room. the DJ's patter increases to a hysterical level and the music being played is for the feature's act. all of this, ruins any chance of a enjoyable dance while the feature is on stage. the worst part is that her act,IMHO, is no better or worse than the average house dancer. it's just a longer and more elaborate set.

the second reason is due to the fact that i know nothing about them. of course, you have the porn star features, but unless she acted between the years 1979-1988,the so-called golden age of porn. i probably won't recognize the name and if i did, i'm not sure i would want to see that act. it's one thing to see a 19 or 20 year old, young and fresh looking, Nina Hartley,Ginger Lynn or Christy Canyon. it's quite another to see them at 40. i know they have their fans. you can see them crowding around the stage. other than a potential PSE encounter, i see no reason to pay attention to the show. the same goes for magazine or contest features. i understand the reasons why clubs hire features and i'm sure it makes good business sense. it just so happens that feature's stage performance has never been a drawing card for me. i would like to know if anyone else feels the same way or am i the only one?

03-15-2003, 01:09 AM
Great post Mr. Punk. And your right I like to keep Christy Canyon in the back on my mind (from when I was young and dumb and full of cum)

03-15-2003, 01:21 AM
I've never been to a club with a feature. I guess I'm not missing anything.
I was checking out the web site of "Bare Assets" in Melbourne FL. Because I'm going to be in the area next week. They are featuring Ron Jeremy LOL
Wow that makes me want to go to this club .... NOT.
Who the hell wants to see some fat washed up male porn star ???
Do features really attract more business? I think not.

03-15-2003, 03:45 AM
Sometimes seeing a feature dancer is like going to McDonalds for a hamburger, and having a waiter in a tux ask you if you'd like to see the wine list. Sometimes you just want a freaking hamburger. If you're not expecting them, they tend to be more of a drain on things.

That point taken, I have seen a couple and I've seen mixed results. I like it when they invite the audience to participate and try to do something for the house dancers like half price polaroids, etc. for buying a lap dance from a house girl.

Jada Deville, http://jadadeville.com/ has been my favorite thus far. Really nice personality.

03-15-2003, 08:19 AM
Has anyone seen that Nina Hartley video about better lovemaking? Anyone know how old she is?

03-15-2003, 09:10 AM
I was checking out the web site of "Bare Assets" in Melbourne FL. Because I'm going to be in the area next week. They are featuring Ron Jeremy LOL
Wow that makes me want to go to this club .... NOT.LOL, he was in Phoenix not too long ago, I made a point of avoiding that club.

03-15-2003, 10:18 AM
Fwatures...can of worms there,,occassionally great..but my porn days are behinf me..so as someone said.if it's not Gigner LYnn or Desiree Cousteau (ala 1985) I woulddn't know 'em...but for the clubs sake it brings in fresh faces..(and that's what it's about..

On a side note I had the pleasure of meeting Traci Lords last years at an autograph show,,very pleasant, very stylish..a nice young woman..she will not discuss porn..however if you bring a playboy to her she will sign it.

03-16-2003, 11:47 AM
It depends on who the feauture is for the club. I've seen some with lackluster acts, and there's a few who are fun to watch.

A fave of mine would be teri weigl due to her hilarious antics onstage. I've seen her strip some poor PL down to his underwear, among other things, awhile back. I really got a good laugh that night.


03-16-2003, 12:22 PM
The club in Hormigueros, PR where I sometime go has feature dancers occasionally. I remember one night I arrived at 2:00 AM after hanging out elsewhere and I found out there was a show by a "star" (hmm) dancer named Gina Lynn (found out later that she is a porn "star"). Cover was $10.00 (it's usually $5.00) but when I arrived it was lowered to $6.00 because the show was about to end. Boy, I had never seen this or any other club packed as it was that night! Didn't even think of getting up front to catch a glimpse. Guys were practically drooling from the show, as if they had never seen a clit in their lives. She looked great, with implants and a humongous clit, but the place was so full and I couldn't sit anywhere so I left after a half hour and went to a club in Mayag├╝ez.

03-18-2003, 02:36 AM
Unless it's Sylvia Saint, Haven, or Aria, I don't really think I would want see it. Or maybe the really cute blonde chick that used to feature in Atlanta, and was in all those phone sex ads, but I can't remember her name so it doesn't matter. Besides that, she's got to be at least 40 by now.


06-04-2003, 05:58 PM
Are you a features fanboy or a house dancer loyalist? Personally, I've never gone for features. My one positive experience was when I was in a club early sitting alone at the bar and suddenly Dita Von Teese was beside me ordering a drink. When I paid for the drink she thanked me as if I had gotten her kitten out of a tree. Her photo shoots never did anything for me, but what a total sweetie. I never did see her show, because I was in the VIP getting beat up by a house girl.

06-04-2003, 07:19 PM
nah, features don't really do it for me either. Most travel way too much and can't stick around a club for more than a weekend. This sucks, what if you take a liking to her and want to have her as an ATF? sorry gotta bounce to her next gig. For me, I need a dancer who is somewhat accessable on a regular basis, If dancers were all features nobody would have ATFs. Besides not all features are all that with a few exceptions like sunset thomas or jenna jameson. For me, its house dancers all the way. To date I have never gone to a strip club speifically to see a feature.

06-06-2003, 08:33 AM
Anyone ever been to a club where Jenna Jameson was featuring. I was curious if she did laps or not. I know some wont do it, and the ones that will charge like a minimum of 2 laps for $100. But I saw her on the Stern Show last night, and boy did she look good. She mentioned that she still features on occasion.

06-06-2003, 10:23 AM
I've never seen a feature who did laps - usually just polaroids. I seriously doubt you'd get Jenna on your lap for $100.

06-06-2003, 11:34 AM
Rumor has it that Jenna is part owner of a new club in Scottsdale (Skin Cabaret), I'll have to keep my eyes open for a feature from her ;) .

06-06-2003, 01:24 PM
I just found a site that lists features, and there was no mention of Jenna - maybe she's to busy to bother.

06-06-2003, 03:20 PM
I don't think so does features anymore, last time was circa 1999 I think. I guess she's too busy with her production company and pay site.

06-07-2003, 05:00 AM
The only good thing about a feature: I have a fav who will take me to the LD area and spend an extra 20 minutes with me for no charg just to avoid being on the floor during the whole moron/cat call/stage pounding crap that most features seem to bring out in men.

06-07-2003, 09:45 AM
thats cool yoda. is that at CL? for some reason i dont picture that happening at CF(or not without you having to atleast pay the house fee /song).

06-07-2003, 10:51 AM
I too prefer the house girls to the features. The only feature I have ever liked was Dasha. She actually looked great! And she jumped into my lap and gave me a mini dance for about 30 seconds during her stage show. ;D The rest have been waaayyy over the hill. Brianna Banks looked plenty good. I just wasn't enamored by her performance. ::) Chelsea Charms is downright gross. Yoda always has the right idea. I always grab my ATF and have her dance during the feature. Her songs are longer and there is sometimes more of a break between songs. One time the feature took up 45 minutes. I paid for the 4 songs and got plenty of extra time. ;D Tonight I'm going to see Jezebelle Bonds do her thing before my ATF arrives.

06-07-2003, 10:59 AM
I went to Diamonds...a pretty classy full nude bar...here in Dayton a few years ago. They happened to have a porn star feature that nite...can't for the life of me remember who it was. Anyway, she did a pretty hot stage show but didn't do any laps with customers. She would pose for pics with you if you wanted for $$ but that was about it. What the hell would I do with a pic of me and a porn star??? Show my wife??? lol I'm wondering if this isn't S.O.P. for features.....

06-07-2003, 11:03 AM
Some acually do laps. As I recall Dasha did. I wasn't brave enough at the time. LOL. Most you wouldn't want laps from. lol.

06-07-2003, 11:08 AM
I'm not sure I'd want a lap from a feature anyways...something too surreal about it. I'll just stick with the local down home girls. I might get lucky and get a phone number or something LOL in my wildest dreams

06-07-2003, 11:18 AM
Easy there FBR! We don't want you going RIL on your 3rd trip. ;)

06-07-2003, 11:20 AM
Fish LOL I'm a realist I know its just a matter of time ;)

06-09-2003, 01:08 AM
Sandy: Yes CL. At CF the house fees prevent anything like that from ever happening