PDA

View Full Version : Nicest way to turn down a guy...



sallylou
05-12-2003, 04:21 AM
I am asked out all the time... which isn't bad, it's flattering, but I'm not going to date the customers!
What's the nicest way to turn down a guys, "Let's go out sometime" offer without hurting his feelings or making him not come back. I've told them the "it's against the rules to date a customer" excuse but they can be very persistent!
I know you guys know strippping is a job, and although I have felt connected to some guys during a dance, whether it be sexually or emotionally, but I won't date them... even if I'd really like to! I'm suprised by how many guys think that dancing naked for them and enjoying myself means there can be something more.
I'm asked for my number all the time... what can I say besides, "Sorry, I don't give out my number." I've had some guys get mad and say that they'll never come back then... what should I do?
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!
Luv,
Amber

Chuck149
05-12-2003, 04:41 AM
If a guy gets mad because you won't give him your number, then you don't need him as a customer. Trust me, a guy who says he won't come back, is usually full of sh*t, If he enjoys your dancing, he'll be back! Especially if the only way he can see you is in the club.

Remember, most guys can't seperate the friendship thing (out of the club) and the customer thing. Once they get your number, they cease to be just a customer in thier eyes and expect special treatment.

Of course there are a FEW exceptional guys who really get it ;D

MaxFL
05-12-2003, 05:21 AM
I don't ask dancers their number.... sometimes, however, they just hand it out to me. It's difficult to answer your question, each guy would probably react differently to whatever you answer. i would agree with Chuck, no matter what you answer (politely) if the guy get mad at you because you refuse to give the number, it means that that is not a customer you want to keep.... and if he is really interested, he will be back anyway. Max

Prester_John
05-12-2003, 05:35 AM
Amber - all you have to be is polite and firm about it. IF they get mad at you, that’s really their fault, not yours.

The guys who would get mad or offended just prove that they aren’t the kind of person anyone would want to be with, because rejection brings out the true nature of people. Remember you can't ever please everyone, and you can't ever control their reactions. As long as YOU are confident YOU are doing the right thing, you really should not stress about it.

You lose a customer because he wants to go out with you, that’s no big loss, because he was trying for more anyway. A customer who stays around after inquiring about you availability is more of a personal asset to you.

PJ

sol_de_pr2
05-12-2003, 06:02 AM
You have to turn them down, Amber. How to go about it depends on the guy's behavior. It's important to tell them off the bat, otherwise they'll think you're encouraging them and will be much more persistent in their quest. As of giving phone numbers most guys will get over the fact that you won't give it to them and will keep going to the club (I'm assuming that you are in a small town with little else to do). I for one do not bother to ask and prefer to wait and see if the dancer is truly interested in me as a person, not a customer, and allow her to make the move.

lestat1
05-12-2003, 07:38 AM
I would think how you say it could help. "I can't go out with you beacuse of [insert excuse here]" will sound a lot better along with a hug, or prefaced with a compliment, or followed with a kiss on the cheek. Just make sure your excuse is firm and final so they don't get confused by what they might see as "mixed messages."

For the record: "I can't go out with you 'cuz my girlfriend would get jealous and stop buying me lingerie," would be my preferred rejection from a woman. ;)

Joe12601
05-12-2003, 09:08 AM
I think (hopefully) a simple "let's ust keep it here ..ok?? " should do.

"if we were together all the time, then the times we do have wouldn't seem so special"

Always follow or hopefully sandwich a letdown with an ego boost..

Prester_John
05-12-2003, 11:06 AM
Amber - Usually a well placed kick in the groin works too.

mr_punk
05-12-2003, 11:31 AM
What's the nicest way to turn down a guys, "Let's go out sometime" offer without hurting his feelings or making him not come back. I've told them the "it's against the rules to date a customer" excuse but they can be very persistent!

there is no nice way. just give him a firm "no". when this happens, you have to get used to the idea that some guys will never ask you for another dance. while others will, but they will also keep asking you out until they figure out it's not going to happen. just don't make any false promises or innuendo that his ship is going to sail in one day if he keeps coming in twice a week.

lestat1
05-12-2003, 01:39 PM
Hey Lestat.. one more post and you become a high roller!!! LOL
Anyways...
I like the girlfriend/lingerie thing, but how about when they accept the fact, you can't "DATE" but would like to hang out... maybe grab a cup of coffee as a friend... how should I explain that I really do not wish to mix the business of the club in with my personal time without sounding like all I'm after is the money.
There is one guy in particular, that asks me to meet him for coffee everytime he comes in... he tips me at least 20 while I'm on stage and always buys some dances... he's very sweet and emails me alot... I'm not attracted to him, but I do think he's very nice. I don't want him to think I'm just stringing him along... cause I don't think I've said anyhting that would give him the impression that I would ever take it out of the club. Like I said, he seems very nice and I don't want to hurt him (but I'm not going to turn down the money either LOL that would make me stupid!!! ;) ) How should I deal with this guy?
Luv,
Amber
Woo-hoo! Break out the red carpet, high-roller coming through! 8)
I had another thought about that nice guy that wanted the "friend" date. Most dancers have to work a certain number of day or weekday night shifts, right? You probably know what days at your club are slowest for you, so...why not invite him to the club on a slow day and have him bring coffee/food during your break? (Y'all do take breaks and eat sometimes, right?) Well, you're not going to make money on your break anyway (and maybe he'll pay for the food) so why not get free food and not lose any money, AND cultivate a possible regular?
I realize this only works for a select few situations where you wouldn't mind talking to the guy more. The only downside is if he gets the feeling he's being strung along and gets upset. Because you're "on break" he can tell himself your not working and it's similar to meeting outside of the club. Maybe it could work as a compromise.

-lestat1

SportsWriter2
05-12-2003, 01:59 PM
There's no effective answer.... Guys know that some dancers see customers outside the club for sex, friendship, whatever. Guys don't buy the line about separating fantasy from the real world. If they don't care, why should the dancer?... If I were a dancer, I'd say, "I just can't handle it personally. If I'm ever able to, we can talk about it then."

MisterBlue
05-12-2003, 06:19 PM
I am asked out all the time... which isn't bad, it's flattering, but I'm not going to date the customers!


Usually a "We're not allowed to do that." should suffice, I would think.

BTW, in the real world I've always disliked the "I'm flattered" response... I find it condescending and reading way too much into the dating offer. Rather just hear a basic no.

05-13-2003, 09:38 AM
There is one guy in particular, that asks me to meet him for coffee everytime he comes in... he tips me at least 20 while I'm on stage and always buys some dances... he's very sweet and emails me alot... I'm not attracted to him, but I do think he's very nice. I don't want him to think I'm just stringing him along... cause I don't think I've said anyhting that would give him the impression that I would ever take it out of the club. Like I said, he seems very nice and I don't want to hurt him (but I'm not going to turn down the money either LOL that would make me stupid!!! ;) ) How should I deal with this guy?
Luv,
Amber

I think all customers have done this at some point. We get infatuated, and we imagine or think that someday she'll reciprocate. Then we eventually snap out of it, and remember that this only happens in the movies. I'm curious about this customer. What does he look like? Is he in your age group, is he "husky," is he a little nerdy, because I've known some good looking guys in their twenties who get phone #s all the time at SC.

yoda57us
05-13-2003, 10:32 AM
I always get "sorry, I don't see aliens outside of the club....." But seriously, Sporty's right, there is no effective answer. You just have to accept the fact that it's going to happen and, once you turn them down, most of these guys willstop spending money on you. Be honest but just try and be nice about it, remember, your breaking some poor bastards heart...

SportsWriter2
05-13-2003, 11:51 AM
A guy become a dancer's regular, asks for more and more, ultimately gets turned down for dates, stops spending money, and then won't even say hello to her. That's called the "regular cycle."... I know dancers who feel really down about it. One told me after a year that I was the only guy who hadn't asked her out within two months of knowing her. All of them dumped her. The girl is beautiful. She hugs guys and sits with them even if they lose their jobs and can't afford dances.

yoda57us
05-13-2003, 01:08 PM
A fav of mine had a regular who was spending big on her. He was a nice guy and He kept asking her out to lunch. Against her better judgement she finaly agreed and they met at a nice restauraunt. They talked, had lunch, he paid and they both went their seperate ways. The next time the guy came into the club he told my fav that she was too good to be a dancer and she should quit and become his boyfriend. She, of course, refused and he never spent a dime on her again.

fishnet
05-13-2003, 02:54 PM
SW2 and Yoda:

Have either of you guys fallen victem to this cycle? It sounds like the way an RIL would act. I find myself conciously worrying about the possibility and maybe that helps prevent it.

In a year and half of getting dances, I've never asked any of the girls out. I have 2 phone #s for business purposes only. And I did have an enjoyable 4 hour dinner with my ATF. That wasn't a date though. It was a bonus for being such a good customer. ;D Last Saturday we resumed our usual playing in the club. Would you say customers like me are a minority or majority???

yoda57us
05-14-2003, 12:06 AM
Fishnet: I've never "asked a dancer out" That's not what I'm looking for. I have developed friendships and seen some girls outside of the club but not in a "dating" type of way. I have found that, once you do this, at least with me,it changes the relationship you have with that girl in the club. The few women that I have seen on a social basis have all wound up being off my dance list-by mutual agreement.! If you can see her outside of the club and still go back to getting laps inside the club I would say you are in the minority.

Chuck149
05-14-2003, 04:28 AM
I think it would take a great understanding to be able to maintain a friendship outside the club and then still have a customer- dancer relationship inside the club... not saying it can't be done... just that it takes a basic understanding of both parties involved.

Yes it can be done, but it takes two special people and a lot of honesty to pull it off ;) Honesty in a strip club? Not usually, but it does happen on occasion.